- 4 weeks ago
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FunTranscript
00:00Hi everyone, I'm Howie Mandel and this is Bobby.
00:03I think they already know that. I mean, this is my show.
00:09Well, there might be some people out there that have not seen the show.
00:15I can't imagine that. Bobby's world is a huge success.
00:19It's seen by millions of kids and adults all over the world.
00:23I'm sorry, Bobby. Are you getting a little big-headed?
00:30Ah, just look at me.
00:35Start the show.
01:22All right, eat up, Bobby.
01:24I made these yogurt and salmon flapjacks special.
01:28Don't you know?
01:29Guess what time it is?
01:31Time for noogies?
01:32No, better.
01:34Time for a cruise.
01:36Huh?
01:36What? A cruise?
01:38On one of those big, luxurious, ocean-going vessels?
01:42Remember how everyone laughed when I picked up that truckload of coat hangers real cheap?
01:46The ones that can't be taken off the clothes bar?
01:49Ha, ha, ha.
01:50We're still laughing.
01:52Well, laugh no more.
01:54I unloaded the whole batch of them on a company that owns ocean liners.
01:57And now the Generics are going on an ocean adventure.
02:02Yay!
02:03We're going on a boat.
02:04We're going on a boat.
02:09There you go, Bobby.
02:11Put the toys and the fun things you're taking with you in this bag.
02:15B-b-b-mom?
02:16Well, what is it, hon?
02:18Uh, it's pretty small.
02:22Oh, well, this is what you call thrift, Bobby.
02:26You can only take what fits into that bag.
02:29B-b-b-b-mom?
02:31You said I need stuff for four days.
02:36Uh, mom, how long is four days?
02:40Well, it's four sleeps in a strange bed.
02:43Now, just take some of your favorites, and I'm sure they'll have other things to play with, too.
02:48Mom, they're all my favorites.
02:51Sometimes moms aren't really helping when they try to help.
02:54Hey, doofus, you got room in your bag for this?
02:59I, I guess.
03:01What's in it?
03:02Candy?
03:03I'm not telling.
03:04And you better not look.
03:06I won't.
03:08I bet it's candy, Webley.
03:11Ah!
03:11Ah!
03:12Gotcha!
03:13Gotcha!
03:20What's so funny?
03:23Bobby, catch up.
03:25Derek, was pulling a practical joke on you?
03:28Did you see him jump?
03:31Oh, boy, Derek, you really got Bobo.
03:34Now that's a practical joke!
03:36Ha, ha!
03:42Oh, now I know what I can take with me, Webley.
03:46My squirt gun, my whoopee cushion, my pretend vomit.
03:50Because I'm gonna be pulling practical jokes.
03:53I just remembered, this means I will have to be away from George for the totally entire weekend.
03:59Hey, hey, hey, Kelly!
04:01Oh, this is gonna be some fun now.
04:02Come on!
04:04Right.
04:07Ah, Derek.
04:09I think I have a cold.
04:11Ah, ah, two!
04:14Bobby, you dweeb!
04:15You sneezed on me!
04:18No, I didn't.
04:19I gotcha!
04:20Bobby!
04:21Look what you did!
04:22You broke my CD player!
04:25Uh-oh.
04:26Am I in trouble?
04:29Bobby, you broke my CD player!
04:32It was, it was a practical joke, see?
04:35I, I didn't sneeze.
04:36It was water.
04:37This isn't funny, Bobby.
04:39But, but, but, but, Mom, it was supposed to be funny.
04:43It was, it was a practical joke.
04:45Well, mister, I don't know what the heck.
04:48You'd better learn what's funny.
04:50On the other hand, sometimes moms are really helpful.
04:53I'm gonna learn what's funny.
04:56Oh, oh, suck it in.
04:58Oh, careful.
05:00Watch it!
05:01Generic's coming through!
05:02Oh, sorry there, Howard.
05:04Yeah, oh, here we are.
05:06This is us, Howard.
05:08Everybody get their table assignments for Din Din?
05:11Uh-huh.
05:11Yeah, we're all set.
05:12Garving.
05:13Yep.
05:13Yeah.
05:16Snug, huh, dear?
05:17Oof, duh.
05:18Uh, it is a lot smaller than it looks in the brochure.
05:23I squished.
05:24I'm living the incredible shrinking closet nightmare.
05:27Kel, leave me some room, why don't ya?
05:30Hey, you didn't hide George in here, did ya?
05:34Let's suck it in.
05:37Uncle Ted, um, I have to go to the bathroom.
05:41Uh, uh, okay, uh, let's find the head.
05:45We've gotta find the head?
05:54Meek!
05:58What do you seek?
06:00Oh, giant head, where is the bathroom?
06:05There is no bathroom.
06:08What?
06:09We've come all this way, and you tell us there's no place to go to the bathroom?
06:14Bobbo, there's no bathroom on a ship.
06:16It's called a head.
06:18Bobbo, there's lots of things called by different names on a ship.
06:21Uh, right is starboard.
06:22Uh, left is port.
06:23I have enough trouble with right and left.
06:26The front's the bow, the back's the aft.
06:28Uh, ropes are called lines, doors are called hatches.
06:31Wow, there's even a poop deck.
06:33Poop deck?
06:34Is that where you...
06:36Come on, Bobbo, we're weighing anchor.
06:39Use the head, you know, on the bathroom, and then it's up on the deck.
06:47Oh, just smell that ocean breeze.
06:51Oh, I don't feel so good.
06:57How you feeling, Uncle Ted?
07:01Better?
07:02Better?
07:03Better call the ship's doctor.
07:05I need another motion sickness patch.
07:10What's that?
07:11Lifeboat drill.
07:17I'm going to call you hula.
07:19Ah, because of the way you wiggle putting on that life vest, mister.
07:23Ah!
07:23Oh, that's a stub.
07:28Everyone in the lifeboat, now!
07:30I'm keeping my eye on you, hula boy.
07:35Now, in the unlikely event of a call to a bandage ship, you will hear this.
07:39Oh!
07:41Gotcha!
07:43Just what do you think you are doing?
07:46It's a practical joke.
07:48A joke.
07:50A joke!
07:51Let me tell you something, Junior.
07:53This is a lifeboat drill.
07:55We take this kind of thing serious.
07:57Now on, I'm going to call you...
08:00Joker.
08:01How about practical joker?
08:03Ooh, you're a regular funny boy.
08:05Does that mean I'm funny?
08:06Nope!
08:08Dismissed!
08:10How you feeling now, Uncle Ted?
08:12Better.
08:13Better?
08:15Better get out of the way!
08:17Now I know why Uncle Ted calls it to head.
08:19He always heads there.
08:22What's that?
08:24Dinner.
08:28Come on, Bobby.
08:30Dinner!
08:32Are you a captain and the first mate?
08:35No, young Swabby.
08:36I'm Purser Maker.
08:37Call me Gopher.
08:38Uh, boy.
08:41I'm bartender Isaac Snurd.
08:43Honey?
08:44Oh, thank you, Fabio.
08:46This is just such a perfect true romance dinner.
08:53Mom sat on my whoopee cushion.
08:55Isn't that funny?
08:57Ah!
08:59My second youngest is through at dinner.
09:03Bobby, that is not funny.
09:06Would be in a Jim Carrey movie.
09:08Oh, back from dinner so soon?
09:12Dad sent me back to my cabin.
09:15What for?
09:17Trying to be funny.
09:18Do you know what's funny, Uncle Ted?
09:21Well, right now, I only know what sick is.
09:25They say it's supposed to be good for being seasick.
09:33Oh, beg pardon.
09:34Hey, that's a picker-upper.
09:37What's that?
09:38Oh, it's showtime, Bobo.
09:40Come on.
09:41You know, I'm feeling much better.
09:43Let's go see the show put on by the crew.
09:47Said Barnacle Bill the sailor.
09:51Now, before the mermaid dances come out, my partner, Purser Meeker...
09:56Call me gopher.
09:57Gopher bro.
10:00And I will improvise a funny skit based on suggestions from you, the audience.
10:06Improvise means since we don't have any words written down, we get to make up funny stuff on the spot.
10:13Now I'll hear what's funny.
10:15Okay, how about a suggestion, anything, that would bring to mind something we'd say on a ship or on the
10:21open seas?
10:22Can you tell me what's funny?
10:23Hmm, how about that little scamp down here in front?
10:27Little scamp?
10:29I'm going to throw up.
10:31What?
10:32Okay, now, how about it?
10:33Come on, come on.
10:34Something people say on a ship every day.
10:37I think I'm going to be sick.
10:39I fail to see the humor in that.
10:42I can't work with it.
10:45That's it.
10:46Now I know it's a funny, practical joke.
10:49Vomit.
10:50And I know just when to do it.
10:55Kelly, when's the captain's dinner?
10:58I guess tomorrow.
10:59I can hardly wait.
11:04Boy, I can't wait until the captain's dinner tonight.
11:09Did you ever notice when you can't wait for something to happen, you have to wait a long time?
11:14Hey, Uncle Ted, want to do something?
11:18Guess not.
11:22Want to do something, Derek?
11:23Can't, Dweebo.
11:24I'm playing in the ping-pong tournament.
11:28Kelly, you want to do something?
11:34Guess love really can make you as sick as Uncle Ted.
11:38Did I hear you say you're looking for something to do, young buccaneer?
11:41Huh?
11:42How about a tour of the ship?
11:47My partner is the best tour guide in the Cupid's cruise fleet.
11:50Oh, no, Senor Banderas of the Bounding Main.
11:53It is you.
11:54Mom!
11:55Can I go on the tour of the ship?
11:59Okay, there, Mr. Outside Voice.
12:02Yeah, your dream vacation-wrecking dad's gonna hit golf balls off the fan tail,
12:08so I'm just all alone here anyway.
12:10No, no, don't worry about me.
12:12Sure, sure.
12:14You go ahead with purser meeker and bartender snert.
12:45Now hear this.
12:47Yes, you are privileged indeed, Mr. Bobby,
12:49to actually behold the most important and secretive place on the S.S. Amor.
12:57Wow.
12:58Cupid.
12:59Senor.
13:00Affirmative.
13:01We are in the lockdown.
13:02Everything happy over here.
13:04Can I get an update?
13:05Love is in the air.
13:06What's that?
13:07Bobby, on these kinds of cruises,
13:10most people think the reason for all the romance is the moonlight,
13:13ocean air, and the oyster bar.
13:15But, au contraire,
13:17it is all due to our hard work.
13:19Call us Cupid's co-workers.
13:21Paramore's partners.
13:23Romance is rangers.
13:24The work is long and tedious.
13:27Our only reward?
13:29The satisfaction of seeing mushy stuff conquer all.
13:33You care too much.
13:35No, no, no.
13:36You.
13:36You are a hopeless romantic.
13:38Romantic?
13:39That's where my mom wants to be.
13:41Can you help?
13:43Helping others is our only joy.
13:46Bring us joy.
13:47Tell us what amorous arrow we may pluck from our quiver of love
13:50so that we may employ it to pierce the heart of this victim of love.
13:55She wants to spend romantic time with Dad,
13:57but he wants to hit golf ball.
13:59Show me the lad's mother.
14:04Punch up the view of the fantail.
14:08Bingo.
14:09Oh, help me.
14:10But this is the part I love the best.
14:12Go, Project Romeo!
14:17Excellent first move.
14:24Targets are closing.
14:31We have contact.
14:34I'm not driving.
14:37Come on, hon.
14:38Wait for a day is all.
14:40We have romance!
14:42We have romance!
14:59Oh, Howard, this is so romantic call.
15:05Wow, Needlemire.
15:06What a super name.
15:08What, Uncle Ted?
15:09I've got to get to the captain's dinner.
15:11You go ahead, Babbo.
15:12I'm right behind you.
15:13For the first time, I feel well enough to eat.
15:16And boy, am I going to eat.
15:20Oh, no, jammed.
15:23Ah, no problem.
15:24All I need is a coat hanger,
15:25and I'll have it open in a jiffy.
15:29Oh, no.
15:31It's one of my unremovable hangers.
15:33I can't get out.
15:35That's an irony.
15:40Excuse me.
15:42Time for dessert.
15:47And my practical joke.
15:52Our first nominee for the People's Pick Practical Joke Award
15:56is Jerry Stillskin for putting toothpaste in his dad's
16:00suntan lotion tube.
16:05Our second nominee is Cheryl Sloan
16:07for giving her mother a dribble glass.
16:13Our third nominee is Kyle Beckledorf
16:16for giving his mom a hard-boiled egg to scramble.
16:23Our final nominee is Bobby Jennerick
16:26for placing toy vomit on the floor
16:29during the cabinet's dinner.
16:44Bobby, what did you do?
16:47Hey, everybody.
16:48Sorry I'm late.
16:49Got locked in the cabin.
16:51Boy, am I starved.
16:53What's that?
17:00It's a practical joke.
17:02I thought vomit was funny.
17:04Oh, boy.
17:06Am I in trouble?
17:07Yes, Mr. Manzi, you are.
17:10That captain wants to see you.
17:14Captain, you want to see?
17:18Bobby?
17:22Sorry, Bobby.
17:23Bobby, why don't you sit here in the captain's chair?
17:29Can you be concerned?
17:32Sorry about that.
17:34Listen, have a drink.
17:36Thanks, captain.
17:43You see, Bobby, I was a kid like you once,
17:47and I had a tough time learning what's funny
17:49and, well, quite frankly, what's not funny.
17:52It's hard.
17:54Every time I think something is funny,
17:55I get into trouble.
17:57How do you learn what's funny?
17:58Well, I would always give myself a little test, Bobby,
18:03and ask myself, am I going to be a pest?
18:08Would I think this is funny if it happened to me?
18:11Is it going to hurt me, embarrass me,
18:14or make fun of me, or anger others?
18:18Oh, and if the answer's yes,
18:19then other people won't think it's funny either.
18:22Yes, Bobby, that's kind of it.
18:25Thanks, Captain Gifford.
18:27I... I think I got it.
18:29Oh!
18:32Yellow.
18:44It's me.
18:45I was joking.
18:47Yeah, all right.
18:48I guess that was an okay joke.
18:50You know, Bobby,
18:51knowing what's funny and what isn't
18:53is pretty hard.
18:55It's all part of growing up.
18:57You know, different people
18:59find different things funny,
19:01just like in the world, you know.
19:03Just ask that Mr. Leno
19:05and that Miss Rosie.
19:07Boy, moms are as smart as ship's captains.
19:11Mom, do you know what's funny?
19:13You know, it depends on many things.
19:15Take Uncle Ted's gag suspenders,
19:18for instance.
19:21Oh!
19:22Oh, that's a good one.
19:25Yeah, well, what's funny at a party
19:28wouldn't be so funny at work.
19:30How would he happen?
19:32Oh, that's not funny.
19:35I can see what you mean.
19:43Write me, call me, call me, write me.
19:45I will just die without you.
19:49Figuratively speaking, of course.
19:50Don't forget to write me, call me.
19:52Call me, write me.
19:59Oh, Howard, you're still the little scamp
20:02I fell in love with, don't you know?
20:05See any snack shops out there, Bubble?
20:07I'm starved.
20:09Nope, sorry, Uncle Ted.
20:11Hey, Dad, look, an aircraft carrier.
20:16I don't see an aircraft carrier.
20:24Gotcha!
20:26Yep, we sure did.
20:29Now, that was funny.
20:31Sure is, Bobby.
20:33Say, shall we?
20:44Boy, I had a lot of fun doing that show.
20:47So did I, and hopefully so did they.
20:49Now I know what funny is.
20:50Well, that's great.
20:52Okay, here's an example.
20:53This is a glove.
20:54Now I just pull it over my nose,
20:56I keep my mouth showing, and...
20:59I don't think that's funny.
21:02That just, that seems silly.
21:03It wasn't my idea.
21:05Bye!
21:06Bye!
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