I Kept The Ring... We Lost The Relationship | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 37) - video Dailymotion

Lerin Gaines

I Kept The Ring... We Lost The Relationship | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 37)   Featuring: Wisdom Wednesday, Mentorship Series   Wednesday | July 08, 2026   Streaming LIVE on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES   https://leringaines.com  https://linktr.ee/leringaines  https://www.facebook.com/leringaines  http://instagram.com/leringaines  https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines  http://twitter.com/leringaines  https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines  https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines  https://kick.com/leringaines  https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines   Song of The Day: "Missing You" by Case  Released 2001 | Open Letter   Burning Questions for Reflections!  Are your financial conversations creating trust, or are they simply avoiding conflict until later?   Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions...  Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com   DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, KICK, Twitch, DailyMotion)   Sign up for my FREE Monthly Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!   Subscribe now at LerinGaines.com   #Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #KICK #Twitch #DailyMotion #DebtFreeLiving #FinancialCoach #LerinGaines #411Podcast #BurningQuestions #BlackDiamondConsultations #VacationWithMe #WhispersofWisdom #DISC6 #Vitality   DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.   411 PODCAST  DISC 6: Vitality  Track 37: I Kept The Ring... We Lost The Relationship  ©️ 2026 Black Diamond Consultations Network  LerinGaines.com

Transcript

03:58Connect across all social media platforms at Laryngains.

04:03We are broadcasting live on Facebook, YouTube, Kik, Twitch, X, and Dailymotion.

04:12Text your thoughts anytime to our official hotline at 609-200-1098.

04:19So grab your journal, open your mind, and prepare to go beyond the surface.

04:24Here, we don't just talk, we'll be right back, and here's your guide through it all, entrepreneur, mentor, and financial

04:32coach, Laren Gaines.

04:46Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome on in.

04:50Welcome in to another episode of the 411 Podcast.

04:55It is Wisdom Wednesday, and I want to welcome you all in, and thank you so much for joining.

05:05Good morning to all of you.

05:07Good morning to all of you out there who love to listen first thing in the morning.

05:09I definitely do appreciate you.

05:11I want to say what's up to everybody out there on Facebook.

05:14I also want to recognize that the algorithm has changed for Facebook as well.

05:21I know it was a little rocky for a minute, but you know what it is, what it is.

05:26We keep rocking, we keep rolling, and I don't get hung up on the numbers and all of those things

05:31like that.

05:32Speaking of numbers, I definitely want to say thank you so much to everyone out there who listens on Dailymotion.

05:40Definitely has been a shift over there.

05:42Thank you to the people out there on X.

05:46Singapore, welcome in.

05:48Thank you for joining.

05:49And please continue to all like, comment, share, subscribe, tag a friend, text a friend, do whatever you need to

05:56do to continuously support this movement.

05:59I definitely do appreciate y'all.

06:01What's up to Ms. SOS out there?

06:04And thank you all so much for really, really, really supporting and holding this podcast down.

06:13Most importantly, I most certainly could not do this without my executive producer.

06:18I want to thank God for giving me the strength, the courage, the wisdom to continuously keep doing what I'm

06:24doing.

06:24We're coming up on six years of doing this.

06:28And I feel like we just getting started.

06:32So it's interesting.

06:36I'm making it all at the same time.

06:37And wow, if this is big, the only thing that I can think of is next year is really.

06:46It's like every year we keep moving up and we keep moving up.

06:49So stay tuned.

06:51Man, just stay tuned.

06:53Just awesome.

06:55And I couldn't do this without my friend, family to the show, author, poet, Birdman 313.

07:06Yeah, thank you for coming in every single week, adding your insight, your wisdom to, you know, this Wisdom Wednesday.

07:15We all need that.

07:16We need different aspects from, you know, different walks of life.

07:21We've all had a different path and a different journey.

07:25And that's what it's about.

07:26So, yeah.

07:28Thank you all for everything you've done.

07:30I can't say enough.

07:41I'm so amped.

07:42I'm so amped.

07:43Lots of great things are coming.

07:45And the live version of the podcast is coming.

07:50So stay tuned.

07:51I've been posting stuff like crazy on that.

07:54Lots of great surprise guests will be showing up.

07:58People that y'all don't even know, even people that I don't really know that I'm learning and I'm going

08:04to learn them on air live.

08:06So you get the experience at all.

08:09Yes, stay tuned.

08:11Lots of great things are coming with that as well.

08:13So check out social media posts so you can get the correct dates and times and all of that stuff

08:20that will be coming soon.

08:23So if y'all ready, I'm ready.

08:26Let's get into this song of the day.

08:40Missing You.

08:42Case.

08:44Released in 2001 off of his album Open Letter.

08:48Man, I wore this record out when it came out.

08:50And I went and got the album and he had a couple joints on there.

08:57Not for me personally.

08:59I don't believe that this album was as strong as his debut album.

09:02You know, debut album had Touch Me, Tease Me, More to Love.

09:06But Missing You definitely carried this album Open Letter.

09:11There was a couple joints on there that I used to, you know, really rock.

09:14But Missing You.

09:15And when I think about the song Missing You, even today, I listened to it in 2026 a couple months

09:22ago and it still took me to a place.

09:25And what I remember about what I was feeling in 2001 when I got out of a situation is the

09:37only person that I really was missing was myself.

09:39Remember, everything starts with self.

09:42And as I look back on my whole relationship journey, people out there, if you're listening, whether you're single, whether

09:49you're in something or not, you never want to be in a position where you missed the old version of

09:55yourself.

09:55Because you signed up for an agreement, you signed up for a situation ship.

10:02And one of the worst things happens when you don't know who you are.

10:06Like I've said before, people will shape you and mold you and twist you and turn you into the person

10:11that they want you to be.

10:13So you have to stand true to who you are and make sure that you don't lose yourself.

10:17And when someone told me that in a relationship, I was like, wow, what you mean lose yourself?

10:24I'm in love.

10:26I'm going to go all in.

10:27And I wasn't listening.

10:29I wasn't paying attention and I wasn't listening to my inner voice as well.

10:32And that's exactly what I did is I lost myself.

10:35So here I am, the loyal individual that I am in a situation ship in a relationship.

10:46And I'm like, wow, I don't like this because if I was single, if I was free,

10:53if I was true to myself, I wouldn't have to experience the things that I'm experiencing,

10:58the drama, the this, the that, back and forth arguing.

11:02Remember, you've already lost the game the minute you go back and forth arguing,

11:06debating with somebody else about something that's outside of you that has nothing to do with you.

11:11That's your emotions.

11:13That's your BS.

11:13That's your drama.

11:14That don't have nothing to do with me.

11:15But if I decide to engage and go back and forth, game over.

11:20You lost the game.

11:21You have lost.

11:25We don't want to go back and forth with people today.

11:28Absolutely not.

11:30So I remember being in a situation and I missed the old version of myself.

11:36So I quickly got out of that.

11:39Only to sit around and watch everybody else all hugged up and booed up and everything else to say,

11:45wow, I want back in.

11:46See, some people say that people who are in relationships, they can't wait to get out.

11:51And those who are not in relationships, they can't wait to get in.

11:55But if you get into a relationship, if you get into a situationship, whatever the case may be,

12:00friends with benefits, I'm not here to judge.

12:03Be an adult about it.

12:05Have some standards.

12:07Have some boundaries.

12:09Let people know what you will put up with.

12:11Let them know what you will not put up with.

12:13And the minute that somebody crosses the line, disrespects, take it to another level.

12:18If you don't take action at that moment, the only person that you have to blame is yourself

12:25because nobody can hurt you unless you allow them to.

12:29So I never want to be in a situation.

12:32I never want to be in a relationship where I'm sitting there miserable, disgruntled,

12:38sitting here thinking about how I miss the old version of myself

12:43because I signed up and agreed to get into something that I had no business getting into.

12:49So, missing you.

12:542001.

12:55Open letter.

12:57Case.

12:59Don't be missing the old version of yourself.

13:01If the person that you're with can't respect, can't appreciate, and support the person who you really are deep inside,

13:09man, you got to ask yourself the question, should you really even be into this thing?

13:14Yeah, we won't do that today.

13:16Nah, nah, I'm good.

13:27I can't get the saying right, but I'm going to just make sure I try to get it right.

13:31But a podcaster that I listen to, he says,

13:36the only person that's going to take care of the older version of you is the younger version of you.

13:43See, when you get up and you start moving and you ain't getting no younger,

13:47you got to make sure that you're making some right decisions.

13:50And the people that you interact with, the people that you get linked up with,

13:55the people that you get wrapped up and trapped up with,

13:58you got to be very careful because that can determine what the future is going to look like.

14:02See, when I was ripping and running in the streets, I didn't know any better.

14:06And I was just getting wrapped up and trapped up and signing up and going back and forth,

14:11arguing, debating, having issues and damn near catching cases and everything.

14:17But I'm thankful that I woke up just in time.

14:20I'm thankful that I listened to what God was trying to tell me the entire time,

14:24because, listen, now I can see the future.

14:26And I'm like, yeah, this younger version of me has to protect and preserve

14:33and make sure that I can take care of the older version of me.

14:37Don't let that younger one get crazy out there in these streets and have you somewhere else.

14:42When you get older, looking crazy because you sat there and let Esau take over.

14:49Listen, all right, I'm going to get off of it.

14:51I'm going to get off of it.

14:52So we getting ready to go there.

14:55It's time to bring in my friends, family to the show, author, poet, Birdman313.

15:19What's going on?

15:22Hey, how's it going?

15:24It's good.

15:25I'm doing good.

15:26How about yourself?

15:27I'm doing good.

15:29How's that weather out there?

15:33Crazy.

15:36I didn't know if I would be able to be on the show today, man.

15:40My allergies, oh, man, they kicked in because it's just a hair of dust.

15:46And it's been raining a day.

15:48Actually, we lost power for about 10 minutes, 10, 15 minutes.

15:54We lost power earlier.

15:56But it's like back and forth, you know, man.

15:59It's steaming hot.

16:01Then it rained to cool off for a minute.

16:04And then it's back steaming hot again.

16:06So, hey, everything OK, man.

16:10That's good.

16:11That's good.

16:12Yeah.

16:13My mind just went to a whole nother level.

16:15You said the power was off for 10 minutes.

16:19And I know that 10 minutes felt like, oh, man.

16:22But for all of you out there listening, with all these data centers and the crazy heat and everything that's

16:29going on,

16:30I want you all to pay attention and listen, what you all going to do when the power is off

16:33for 10 days?

16:36Hey, that has happened.

16:38And we survived.

16:40And if it wasn't for my tablets, you know, hey, I'd have been lost.

16:49You need a generator.

16:5010 days?

16:52That's rough.

16:53And, you know, when that does happen, because, ladies and gentlemen, don't call me a conspiracist or whatever.

16:59But when that does happen, there will be places that you can run to charge up your phones and stuff,

17:05whether it be all of a sudden, mysteriously, this establishment.

17:09I'm not going to name places, but this gas station or this coffee shop has electricity and you can go

17:16in there and use their little plugs.

17:17But that line is going to be something else.

17:23And people were back and forth.

17:25We're used to it down here because we have so many storms.

17:33And power goes off.

17:35So we pretty much know what to do.

17:37So when they start warning us, we make sure everything, I make sure my tablets are charged up, my phone

17:45is charged up.

17:47You know, we prepare ourselves.

17:50But don't get me wrong, man.

17:52When it stretches, it can get scary.

17:55See, ignorant folks, they will get the warning, but they won't pay attention.

18:00And they'll be the first ones that want to fight and riot and loot and act a fool.

18:09And, yeah, you've all been warned.

18:11I'll tell you that much.

18:13Yes.

18:14You've tried to turn.

18:15I know that this is a financial show, but listen, you got to protect a lot of things because they're

18:20going to come for that, too.

18:22Oh, yeah.

18:26Oh, wow.

18:28It's interesting how we take these turns.

18:30My mind just goes there, and I feel like I just have to put it out there.

18:35Because I think we get comfortable, and we're in a moment where we just get comfortable, especially in the summertime.

18:42We just get too comfortable, and we have to be very cautious.

18:49Young folks, y'all just be taking risks.

18:52I'll be having conversations with, you know, some young folks, and I'll be like, hey, what about this?

18:58What about that?

18:59They'll be looking at me like I'm crazy.

19:00I'm like, all right.

19:01See, because I think I've been here a little bit longer than you.

19:05But that's okay.

19:07All right.

19:10All right.

19:12So any special wildlife that you've been experiencing?

19:17Oh, no.

19:18We're going to Galveston for a couple of days this weekend.

19:24Leaving tomorrow, actually.

19:27Just get away for a few days so I can chill and relax and enjoy and get away from the

19:36Sahara.

19:37Like I said, this Sahara air, man, dust is bad when you have allergies.

19:45Because the sky doesn't look blue.

19:48It's always gray.

19:50And, you know, they'll tell you, hey, man, these are the days, you know, when you go out, be careful.

19:58And now a lot of people are starting to mask up now again, you know.

20:03So going down there on the coast, going by that water, that salt water, that breeze, you know, clear your

20:12nose, your lungs, and your mind.

20:16You know, that's what I'm looking for.

20:17That's what's up.

20:19Yeah.

20:20Rest and relaxation is definitely needed to unplug and just get away from the regular routine journey.

20:27Yeah.

20:28Mm-hmm.

20:29I feel you.

20:31All right.

20:32So what number do you have for us tonight?

20:3733.

20:3833.

20:40Let's see what we got with 33.

20:47Oh, this is a good one.

20:49I like this one.

20:5133.

20:51Check your FICO score two to three months before you go car shopping.

20:55Your FICO credit score is a major factor in determining the interest rate you will be offered on your car

21:01loan.

21:03This is dated, so I'm going to just move past that date.

21:06For example, if someone who has a FICO score of 720, FICO score of 720 might be able to qualify

21:16for a 36-month loan charging less than 3.4.

21:20With a FICO credit score of 690 or 719, the interest rate could be 4.8.

21:28The interest rates for someone with a FICO score between 660 and 689 would be 7%.

21:357% is more than double the interest charge if you have a great FICO score.

21:40That's why it's important to check your score a few months before you start car shopping.

21:44If you discover your score is below 720, I would recommend delaying your purchase until you have managed to raise

21:53your score.

21:53Curtailing your credit card spending in the months prior to a big purchase can help boost your score by reducing

22:02your debt-to-credit limit ratio.

22:06So what do you think about your FICO credit score, going car shopping, all of that great stuff?

22:15What do you feel about this?

22:16Well, you know, I've spoke about this, you know, in the past that, you know, that helps determine how much

22:25you're going to pay and how long.

22:29And so, like, that's why I try to keep mine.

22:33Now I do, but I'm not, you know, I'm not in the hunt for no vehicle.

22:39So, you know, but I do, I tell my sons this, them too, you know, hey, man, get your credit

22:46score high as you possibly can so you can pay, pay.

22:51You don't have to pay that outrageous number or you don't have to have that long a month term.

22:59And I said, and, you know, like I tell them, that's why I've always had to buy, you know, used

23:07cars because I couldn't afford new cars because my score was always low because of the situations I was in.

23:19Yeah, I feel you.

23:21I have a take on that.

23:24I do agree.

23:25Get that credit score where it needs to be.

23:27That's basically letting the world know how great of a borrower you are.

23:31When somebody gives you something, do you give it back on time or do you play games with it?

23:37So that's a great indication that that's your what you do as a human being to society.

23:43Somebody gives you something.

23:44You somebody loaned you something.

23:46You pay it back when you said you were supposed to.

23:49So that's number one.

23:50Number two, I don't agree with that.

23:54Let me back up and you need that credit score on point four, for example, if you're going to buy

23:59a car, but most importantly for renting an apartment or buying a home.

24:04But I don't agree with buying any brand new cars unless you're going to pay for it in cash.

24:14Now, again, this is just my personal opinion.

24:18I am not a financial advisor.

24:21I am just a financial coach.

24:23And I personally, in my opinion, if it was me, I do not believe in buying any brand new car

24:31unless you're going to pay for it in cash.

24:34And that's just how I feel.

24:36But again, when you're negotiating, that credit score does play a part.

24:42So that's my take on it.

24:45Ain't nothing wrong with a used car.

24:47You better make sure you do the right thing with it.

24:50Yeah, but you don't want to use cars down here.

24:53Most of them, man, you don't want to because you may have two different.

24:57You may have the front end of one car and back in the other, but they the same, you know,

25:02same make and, you know, model.

25:04But hey, well, I say now I know what you mean.

25:08But now when you get a used car, it's all on the car that you get.

25:13And if you do the right thing with your money, you can get a good deal.

25:17And I'm not talking about something that's like two, three thousand dollars.

25:21Like, OK, now now you pushing it.

25:23But as you start to work your credit score and make better money decisions, now you can start buying cars

25:30that are ten thousand dollars plus that are used, that are, you know, pre-owned and certified.

25:39And, you know, we start to get into those terms and some of the luxury cars, whether you want to

25:43get a BMW, you want to get a this, you want to get that.

25:48But it will make more sense for you to buy a pre-owned certified BMW versus going right to the

25:55lot and people who have these cars, they got some sense and they're going to take for the most part

26:00and they're going to take care of them the right way.

26:02So it's not like you're going to get something that's like ran down.

26:05Well, you know, if you go to, and I always say, you know, you go to a replica car lot

26:12dealership, you can find some good ones.

26:15But, you know, like I said, Houston is full of side car lots, full of them.

26:22And, man, you know, you may get a vehicle, man, and you pay, you paying all this money and then

26:28all of a sudden it breaks down and, you know, you start looking at this.

26:33Once you fix that, something else, something else.

26:36And eventually you get tired, but it goes against your credit if they have to repo it.

26:42But if they don't, and the cold part about it is you can pay it off and it don't count

26:48towards your credit.

26:53Yeah, so, you know, I always say go to, or like I tell my sons, if you're going to get

27:00a vehicle, man, find your old person that you don't want to drive his vehicle.

27:06Hey, I said, I'm telling you, you're going to get a good car there.

27:11Yeah, it's all basically, you know, picking the right situation.

27:17But, again, for those of you who get into some emergency situations and you have to go to that lot

27:23and do that negotiation, if your credit score is on point, you'll come out a heck of a lot better

27:32than somebody who is being reckless with their borrowing and paying back.

27:42All right, so now we are getting ready to go to Kentucky.

27:48You ever been to Kentucky?

27:50I've been through Kentucky.

27:52When I used to go see my son in Cincinnati, I used to fly up there.

27:59I used to, you had to fly.

28:00Cincinnati don't have an airport, believe it or not.

28:03So, you either fly into Dayton, Ohio, or you fly into Kentucky.

28:12So, speaking of Ohio, this is an off topic that just came through my mind.

28:18I'm going to get on track, but I definitely want to go to Ohio to visit the Rock and Roll

28:22Hall of Fame Museum.

28:24That's coming up soon one day.

28:26But, back to the topic.

28:30So, we are going to Kentucky.

28:34We're going to help out Miss Melissa.

28:36And, yeah, we're ready.

28:39So, it says, people always talk about the emotional side of a breakup.

28:44Nobody wore my phone.

28:46My fiance and I were together for almost six years.

28:49We had picked out a wedding venue, started furnishing a home together, and talked about children like they were just

28:55around the corner.

28:55Then, one conversation changed everything.

28:58I found out that he had been hiding nearly $40,000 in debt.

29:04Not student loans.

29:07Not a mortgage.

29:08Credit cards, personal loans, a truck he couldn't afford, weekend trips he had financed because he didn't want me to

29:14think he was struggling.

29:15He said he was going to tell me after we got married.

29:18I can't even hold this in.

29:21Wow.

29:23I just, wow.

29:26That sentence still echoes in my mind.

29:28Well, Melissa, it echoes in your mind and my mind, too, because he said that he was going to tell

29:32you after you got married.

29:36We called off the wedding two months later.

29:39I kept the engagement ring because he told me to.

29:42But I also kept something I didn't expect.

29:45The habit of questioning every financial conversation.

29:48I've been dating someone new for almost a year now.

29:52He's kind, responsible, patient.

29:54Yet, every time he says, don't worry, I've got it.

29:57My mind immediately wonders, what is it that he isn't telling me?

30:03I hate that one person's dishonesty made me suspicious of someone who has done nothing wrong.

30:11Financially, I'm recovering.

30:13Emotionally, I'm still rebuilding trust.

30:15I've learned that financial transparency isn't just about numbers.

30:20It's about safety.

30:21It's about integrity.

30:23It's about knowing that the person you're building with isn't asking you to invest your future in a secret.

30:30How do you learn to trust again when money was the thing that broke your heart?

30:34What you got from Miss Melissa?

30:38Oh, man.

30:38That one, hey, man.

30:40I've been looking at this one here.

30:45I'm like, okay, y'all was together for six years.

30:50And he tells you he's $40,000, nearly $40,000 in debt.

30:56And it's credit cards, personal loan, a truck, weekend trips.

31:02And as long as he was spending this money, she was happy.

31:07As soon as he break it down to her like that, she turns unhappy.

31:14So my main question is I would have to say to her, was you in love with the money or

31:21was you really in love with him?

31:27Because of, you know, these are the things she said at first.

31:33And then she said she's been dating somebody for almost a year now.

31:40And I'm like, to me, it seemed like she didn't really want to marry this guy.

31:48She was in it for what he was doing for her or doing for them.

31:56And then as soon as he break it down that this is what's up, he said, we decided.

32:04It's hard for me to believe that.

32:07And it's possible, don't get me wrong, but we decided to split up.

32:15Because splitting up is going to make it even worse.

32:20And it's like you walked out and left him with all the bills now.

32:28So if I was in that situation and the lady walked out on me, I'd be like, oh, now because

32:37I got all this debt trying to please you, you need me.

32:43Now I got to take care of all this by myself.

32:52I can't say what other, because I know it's going to be some people going to say, oh, dude, you

32:57wrong, you this, you that.

32:59But that's my thinking, that she was never in love with him.

33:04She was more, well, I ain't going to say that.

33:07She was more in love with the money and what he could do than she had feelings for him.

33:14Because she, and she wrapped back in the relationship already.

33:20But, okay.

33:22All right.

33:24Okay.

33:26I was in a situation like homeboy, because you know what?

33:29I had a credit card and I racked it up.

33:32You know, I needed me a dime piece and it's summertime and I'm feeling myself and we going to Philly.

33:38We going to every type of restaurant and hitting up the diners late night.

33:43Everything.

33:46And when that credit card would not swipe no more.

33:49Yeah.

33:50That relationship was over.

33:52So now check this out.

33:55At the end of the day, I sat there and was I upset that, oh, you just wanted me for

34:01my money and all of that other stuff.

34:02Absolutely.

34:03But I needed to learn my lesson.

34:04So homeboy here, oh, you're going to have to learn your lesson because you shouldn't have done it in the

34:10first place.

34:11Now, I'm with Melissa here.

34:13I feel you.

34:15Back in the day, I should have changed the song today.

34:17Because back in the day, there was a song called Rent by Gwen Guthrie.

34:22And basically, no romance without finance.

34:26No romance without finance.

34:28And there's another song out there, too, that I can't remember his name.

34:32But nothing from nothing means nothing.

34:35Billy Preston.

34:37Yeah.

34:37But if you have something, you got to have something.

34:40But if you want to be with me.

34:41Now, that's my theme song today.

34:43Because you got to have something if you want to be with me.

34:45Because I have been this dude before and I refuse to do it again.

34:49Now, he made his own situation trying to do whatever.

34:54Now, she did a smart situation in this situation.

34:58Because, listen, I've even done foolish things of when $40,000, it wasn't that high.

35:05But it was something $1,000.

35:08And I ain't going to say the dollar amount because it's embarrassing.

35:14But, oh, that's okay.

35:15We could pay it off together.

35:17I'm in love.

35:18So we're going to pay it off together.

35:20Yeah, right.

35:22Only one person going to be paying it off.

35:24So you got to be careful with that.

35:26So she was smart and said, you know what?

35:27You in all of this debt.

35:29And you done lied to me all of these years about this.

35:33And you was going to tell me after?

35:36I done said I do.

35:38Now I'm stuck?

35:40Oh, now you really.

35:42So she probably was heated at that moment.

35:45And she's lucky that she had enough strength to back up and get away from this.

35:49Because if you're going to lie about this and that ain't that $40,000 ain't nothing like what else you're

35:55going to be lying about.

35:55So, no romance.

35:59Go ahead.

36:00Oh, man.

36:01Okay.

36:02And you're right.

36:03I'm not saying that she was wrong.

36:08Because, you know, if you're that much in debt, that means we can't do nothing now.

36:14Like you said.

36:15And I mean, because there's like two parts to this.

36:18There's like two, three parts to this.

36:20And I can understand, you know, she's a young couple.

36:25She don't want to be tied down paying money.

36:28I mean, paying bills.

36:30Oh, and when they do that 180 and the situation is over, whether it be a divorce, after you done

36:38sat there and paid that money.

36:39Mm-mm.

36:40Yes.

36:42And don't get me wrong.

36:44Yeah.

36:45He was wrong for hiding it.

36:48He should have.

36:49Like I said, man, a lot of these, a lot of these, I'd be like, man, what was you thinking?

36:56What was you thinking?

36:58And I'm like, she never questioned what he, how he was spending his money.

37:06And I guess he just felt, oh, I can just do this and she going to be here for the

37:11long run.

37:13And the reason why I said is like, because the way she put it, you know, you know, now she

37:23in this new relationship.

37:24And when this guy says something, she gets to thinking.

37:29Everybody carried baggage in a relationship for a couple of years.

37:34And that's just, it's something that she's going to have to get over to trust this guy.

37:40And she's going to have to be more aware about, you know, you know, their finances a little bit more.

37:49You know, how she's spending her money, you know, and it's, it's crazy.

37:57It could go, you could, like I said, some people ain't going to agree with what I said.

38:01I understand that.

38:02I ain't tripping on that because of, hey, you know, like I tell people, get in line.

38:09A lot of things I say people ain't going to agree with.

38:12That don't mean I totally agree with.

38:14I'm just putting something out there.

38:16Oh, absolutely.

38:18Yeah.

38:18No, I get it.

38:19You know, I'm just putting some, some thoughts out there.

38:22So that person, if they going through this, they can say, well, he said this.

38:27Okay.

38:28And he said this.

38:31I better start looking.

38:34And go ahead.

38:36Go ahead.

38:37No, I want to say when it comes to this, this building trust and this new relationship and stuff like

38:43that.

38:43But if you have this type of situations, you're going to have to be number one, honest with yourself, first

38:49of all, and say, am I ready to be in a relationship because of X, Y, and Z, whatever happened.

38:55You've had money issues and has somebody cheating on the next person.

38:59And I've even done this where you, like you said, bring baggage into a relationship.

39:05Blame somebody else for something that somebody else did.

39:08And it's no good.

39:09And it's no, it's no good on, on, on certain accounts.

39:14And so counseling, even though that this was a money thing, sometimes these, these emotional affairs, not even the whole

39:25physical affair, say, say emotional stuff and, and, and verbiage and words hurt more than something that's physical.

39:33So this one is more of like an emotional money and emotions is you, you might need to get some

39:39counseling.

39:40That's the first thing.

39:41Oh yeah.

39:41You know, and I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't fall hurt for breaking and running.

39:46I really don't, you know, because, you know, if he's 40, I mean, but see, and then I looked at

39:52him like, so if he's this bad in debt, how did he get a new truck?

39:59I mean, I, when I see, I analyze a whole lot of things, you know, I guess that's just something

40:05I learned when come growing up, man, listening.

40:07Like I said, I listened to a lot of, a lot of what the old folks said, a lot of

40:12the old, your old guys in the hood used to tell us.

40:16So I, I'm always analyzing things.

40:19And sometimes I analyze it too much, you know, and, and, you know, I'm looking at, I'm like, well, if

40:27he got a new, you know, he got a new truck.

40:29Look, his credit must wasn't that bad, but then again, I don't know what the situation was.

40:39Right.

40:40I mean, a lot of, go ahead.

40:43A lot of people who make money, for example, doctors and, and dentists, they make a lot of money, but

40:50they don't do the right thing with their money.

40:52So they have all of these nice cars and this and that, and the outer appearance looks great.

40:56But believe it or not, the doctor that's working on you and the dentist that's fixing your mouth, they live

41:04paycheck to paycheck, but you go outside and they do have the, the designer cars and things like that.

41:12But that's why it's hard for them to retire.

41:15You see a lot of doctors and, and, and people in the medical field sitting there working and working and

41:20working because they can't pull back and pull up because they haven't done the right thing with their money.

41:24So maybe he makes a lot of money, but he has done some foolish things and he might live from

41:29paycheck to paycheck and has a credit card debt.

41:32That's over $40,000.

41:34Who knows?

41:36Yeah, that's true.

41:37You know, I mean, I, I agree with you on all that because I was, I was watching the YouTube

41:44of a rapper, man.

41:45And boy, when I heard some of the things he was saying, I'm like, man, you know what I, this

41:55is like, it's reincarnation.

41:57I said, I remember when junior Walker and my dad used to tell me about all these different things.

42:05I remember the ones that used to come when I was on LA playing ball and they used to come

42:10over to my cousin house and, and I would see them and I'm like, man, you making, you making all

42:19this money in the music business, but you dress like this and you driving that something ain't right here.

42:29You know, and, and then I, you know, and then by me being a counselor and talking to so many

42:36different people, I've learned, I had, that's something I've learned that, you know, like the spinners used to always said,

42:45all that glitter ain't gold, you know?

42:50And I do take that in, you know, and I'm like, you know what, man, you see, like I tell

42:57my sons that, and you see these people riding around, like you said, the bins, the beams, all that, and

43:04then go to where they at.

43:08They, they, they, you know, they got headaches all night long because they trying to figure out how to pay,

43:13how to feed their family for the rest of the week or pay a bill.

43:18Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know what you mean. I say, um, this is a situation. I don't think that it's

43:28a bad situation. I'm actually rooting for Miss Melissa. I'm glad that you didn't sign up for this BS, but

43:35when you decide to get married, again, this is my own personal opinion, not here to give you any advice.

43:41It is good to make sure that, I believe that, first of all, you got to make sure you are

43:47on point when you're going to get married. You got to make sure that that's the right situation. I'm not

43:53here to tell you anything because I may not be the expert on that, that matter right there.

43:59I've learned that single life works just fine right now, but shared bank accounts. Like there should be no, you

44:07got your bank account. I got my bank account. You pay this, you pay that. Like we need to see

44:11what's going on here. This is a business decision. This is a business venture, and this is a joint situation.

44:16And what you got in that account, I need to see what's in that account and the whole nine, the

44:20whole thing.

44:21So there's no deception. There's no any of that. And if somebody does have a hidden account somewhere around the

44:27corner, then that's grounds for separation and divorce. I'm sorry. And it's just about money, but it is what it

44:33is.

44:34So I think that's the first thing. And then that will help you with your trust issues and this and

44:38that, because you'll be able to see it. And of course, with counseling and all of that other stuff, you'll

44:43be able to, you know, get on through it, but it's going to take some time.

44:47But there's one thing that's, that we have been called to do that's in the good book and that's give

44:52people the benefit of the doubt. Don't think that everybody is a crook or criminal, this, that, the next, the

44:57other, give them the benefit of the doubt, have some faith, pray, and God will reveal if this person is

45:04being no good to you, just like he did with homeboy.

45:07And when he revealed it to you, you did the right thing and you bounced.

45:13Oh yeah. I mean, you know, like I said, what got me was he, he said, here you go to

45:17tell her after they got married. And I'm like, wow, man. I said that. Okay.

45:23That's, that's cold right there. That's ground. She did the right thing. That's grounds for, Oh, Oh, you was going

45:28to step me up. Oh, you was going to set me up because guess what? That $40,000 is no

45:33longer yours. It's ours. Oh, hell no.

45:38Yeah. Yeah. You just put all this extra debt on me. Cause you wanted a new truck. Nah, that's not,

45:45not your truck no more. That's our truck. And you're going to go ahead and sell that. And we're going

45:49to get this debt down afterwards. Now we're going to be sitting here looking to see if we really need

45:54to still be together after this that. Yeah. Yeah. He, he was ready to set up some. Yeah. Oh yeah.

46:02You know, I, you know, even though I said what I said in the beginning, I, I went mad at

46:07her cause she made, she, she made the right decision.

46:12Yeah. She, you know, because it just, it just, it looked like, and sound like he getting ready to set

46:19up for a financial, uh, letdown that she just didn't want to be part of.

46:28Yeah. You know, there's a lot of times, and this is when it comes to coaching couples.

46:36Like I may, I'll have, have told people before, I'm sorry. I don't think that I'm, I'm the right fit

46:41for you because as you're digging out of debt, you're doing the right thing.

46:45You're putting your spouses behind your back, pouring more dirt on a hole.

46:51Yes.

46:52Did I, did I say that right? Did I say that right?

46:56Yeah. I think.

46:56Yeah. I've been in that situation, man. So I, I know, I know. Yeah.

47:02Yeah. You know, I'm trying to maintain and it seemed like the more I try to maintain, the more you,

47:11um, you, um, you trying to dig, bury me deeper and deeper.

47:16That's what it was. So the more that you were putting dirt on top of the hole to cover it

47:22up, your spouse is behind your back, digging a deeper hole.

47:25And it's, and it's like, it makes no sense. Like, so y'all both have to be on the right

47:31page and we're going to go through this coaching scenario together so that you get out of it together.

47:37It doesn't work when somebody does something foolish, like buy a new car or, or buy this without consulting. Like

47:44it's a wrap.

47:45I knew that one of my situations was over when vehicles start getting purchased and there's no communication before hand

47:54and a brand new car just pulls up in the driveway. Absolutely not. Game over.

48:02Yeah. I mean, I did that one time and, and I'm like, I'm the one paying for it. So, and

48:14which I was too, you know,

48:15I meant, Hey, I pay, I was paying for it. And I, I didn't ask her for anything. Even when

48:21it broke down, I didn't ask her to help me, you know? So, you know, it is what it is.

48:28And everybody don't feel that way. I, I've always said, I'm, I'm, I'm single for a reason.

48:39Sometimes you learn, you learn, you learn and you get through it.

48:43Oh yeah.

48:45Yeah.

48:47Wow. So I think we did, did some justice tonight. This was a deep one. I think we did some

48:53justice tonight. I like this.

48:55So, yeah.

48:57All right, ladies and gentlemen, we are getting ready to close on up out of here. So as we close

49:02out the burning question that I have for all of you tonight is.

49:08Are your financial conversations creating trust or simply avoiding conflict until later, such as homeboy trying to go ahead and

49:17get over telling people after you say I do.

49:21So are those financial conversations creating trust or is it simply avoiding conflict until a later date?

49:30Burning questions for reflections.

49:34All right, Mr. Birdman, going on this week.

49:39Well, like I said, I'm going to leave for Galveston tomorrow, but tomorrow evening after I leave from the beach,

49:46I'll be doing an open mic out of Austin Poetry.

49:49It's called, it's titled Poetry and Music.

49:52And then all day Saturday, I'm shooting videos, taking pictures and relaxing.

50:02Oh, Friday, excuse me. I'm thinking we're leaving Friday. I'm in Friday. That's what I'm doing Friday. I'm not, I

50:09really don't do no open mics on Friday.

50:15Um, I'm, I'm going to tell you where you find my books at and find my books at amazon.com

50:21slash authors slash Birdman 313.

50:25You can also go to Goodreads and put in Birdman 313. You can find my books there.

50:33I'm getting ready. This weekend, I'm going to do an update on it, but, but most of my books are

50:38already there on Goodreads.com slash Birdman 313.

50:45You can go to YouTube. I have, I have new videos posted on YouTube at YouTube.com slash author, poet,

50:55Birdman 31355.

50:57You can go to Instagram where I've been posting videos and pictures. And as a Birdman 31355, you can go

51:08to Spotify and look under the podcast and look for coffee, wine and words.

51:15And once you get on her, that platform, her platform, that is, you will see, um, different videos. Well, I

51:25have, I have at least 10 videos on there.

51:29So that's what's up. That's what's up. All right. So, so next week we, we'll be doing, uh, your book

51:38live. So I'm excited about that.

51:42Oh yeah. We got a lot of great things coming next week. So yeah, I'm stay tuned for that. Y

51:49'all come back. By the time y'all listen to this, I'm going to be, uh, in Vegas. So that'll

51:56be nice.

51:58Hey man, tell them I said hi out there. I'm ready, ready to enjoy that nice heat and, uh, listen

52:06to some.

52:07So where, where, where, where Mary J. I'm playing at. I know that's who it is. Um, I think it's,

52:13uh, MGM. Yeah.

52:17Yeah. The park, you know, Hey man, real quickly, we went there to see Earl Smith and we was down

52:25in the, uh, slot room, Diana Walker.

52:28And you know, cause she's short and she looked down on the floor and it was a $25 ticket, man.

52:35She, she always finding money.

52:37Oh, that's what's up.

52:39She put $10 in and hit 300. I put 10 in and then I got to put 10 more in.

52:47Yeah. No, I'm, I'm not gambling. I ain't gambling. I don't do it. I'm doing it.

52:51I know I'll go and look and walk, enjoy the food, enjoy the drinks. I do all of that. I

52:56love the heat. I love the, just the atmosphere. I like the people watch. And it's just so, when I

53:03tell you it's, I don't know. I've since day one, I've been there multiple times, but this is going to

53:09be different because it's just different. It's different this time. I mean, I'm able, I'm able to call the shots

53:16this time.

53:17There's no agenda. It's my agenda. I'm doing it the way I want to do Vegas. And, um, of course

53:22with my girl, Mary, this, this is just, it's, it's going to be amazing.

53:28That's a nice hotel. That's a nice one, man. We, you know, I stayed there. We stayed at Treasure Island.

53:35I love Treasure Island. Treasure Island is my favorite.

53:38i'm gonna hit them all up i'm gonna hit them all up luxar treasure isle mandalay you know i've been

53:45all all that up and down there man planet hollywood

53:51i'm a big kid enjoy and have a safe trip that's all i can say yes yes and i again

53:58i'll be

53:58we'll be broadcasting uh live from vegas so yeah you'll be i'll share the experience with you there

54:05and all that great stuff so we'll talk next week and for those of you listening yeah i'll see y

54:12'all

54:12soon and um yeah take care and i'll talk to you soon all right have a good safe trip man

54:19thank you

54:20take care now yeah all right there y'all have it that was author poet birdman 313

54:37thank you so much for joining as well please hit that like button please subscribe tag a friend

54:41text a friend invite a friend in because you never know what you might get those breakthrough moments

54:47if there's anything that you heard that sparked an interest in you you might want to you know have a

54:54sit down conversation with me to see if you'd like to be a part of the coaching sessions i offer

55:00a free 15 minute consultation where basically i see if we're a good fit for each other because like

55:07i said before sometimes it just doesn't work um whether you have again it's your own personal

55:16situation and we go through and we do an evaluation and that just lets you know what the commitment is

55:22like and what the truth is behind it because my goal is to make sure that we succeed and we

55:30get to the

55:30next level together this is about support this is about community and i wouldn't have anybody sign

55:37up for something that's not going to work because the results matter the testimonies matter the reviews

55:43matter and you know because that's just the heart of of what we do here at black diamond consultation so

55:50for more information on that if you've hit your financial rock bottom and you want to do something

55:55different you're tired of the same regular routine journey head on over to laryngaines.com sign up for

56:01that free 15 minute consultation and we'll see see if you're a good fit for this situation and on that

56:08note

56:08i want to say thank you all so much for joining in and as always i will see you when

56:16i see you take care

56:17y'all have a good night

56:26so

56:36so

56:37so

57:06We'll see you next time.

57:17Bye-bye.

57:41Bye-bye.

I Kept The Ring... We Lost The Relationship | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 37)

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