The Divorce Is Final - The Debt Isn't | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 32) - video Dailymotion

Lerin Gaines

The Divorce Is Final - The Debt Isn't | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 32)   Featuring: Wine Down Wednesday, Mentorship Series   Wednesday | June 03, 2026   Streaming LIVE on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES   https://leringaines.com  https://linktr.ee/leringaines  https://www.facebook.com/leringaines  http://instagram.com/leringaines  https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines  http://twitter.com/leringaines  https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines  https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines  https://kick.com/leringaines  https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines   Song of The Day: "Bitter" by Chante Moore  Released 2000 | Exposed   Burning Questions for Reflections!  Are you giving yourself permission to build a new financial future, or are you still measuring yourself against a life that no longer exists?   Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions...  Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com   DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, KICK, Twitch, DailyMotion)   Sign up for my FREE Monthly Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!   Subscribe now at LerinGaines.com   #Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #KICK #Twitch #DailyMotion #DebtFreeLiving #FinancialCoach #LerinGaines #411Podcast #RBTW #ReadingBetweenTheWines #BurningQuestions #BlackDiamondConsultations #VacationWithMe #WhispersofWisdom #DISC6 #Vitality   DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.   411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines  DISC 6: Vitality  Track 32: The Divorce Is Final - The Debt Isn't  ©️ 2026 Black Diamond Consultations Network  LerinGaines.com

Transcript

02:58Not just financially, but spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

03:04Every episode is a part of a journey across our weekly mentorship series.

03:10Spiritual Sundays, Mental Mondays, Transformational Tuesdays, Wind-Down Wednesdays, Coaching Sessions Thursdays, and Financial Fridays.

03:19Each day holds space for wisdom, clarity, and real conversations.

03:24So grab your journal, pour your glass, and prepare to go beyond the surface.

03:30Deep inside we don't just talk, we transform lives.

03:33And now, here's your guide through it all.

03:36Entrepreneur, mentor, and financial coach, Laren Gaines.

03:52What's going on?

03:54What's going on, y'all?

03:56Welcome, welcome, welcome on in to another episode of Reading Between the Mons.

04:02We are on track 32.

04:06The divorce is final, but the debt isn't.

04:10So, I'm going to put it out there.

04:15I just want to let you know that I'm feeling a little under the weather.

04:20So, this will be a try episode.

04:23The only thing that I'm sipping on tonight is some water.

04:27Trying to get myself back to normal.

04:30This morning, I woke up sounding like Barry White.

04:33And I was like, I don't even know if, you know, it's even going to work.

04:39Am I going to get on this mic tonight or not?

04:41But, I'm here.

04:42I'm thankful.

04:44And I want to say thank each and every one of y'all out there for rocking.

04:48I saw y'all out there.

04:50Good morning to everybody out there who joins in.

04:53Facebook, I see you.

04:55YouTube, I see y'all out there.

04:57And I want to say thank you.

04:59I also want to give a very special thank you to my executive producer.

05:04I want to thank God for giving me another opportunity to come out here and give you

05:104-in-1 podcast and reading between the wands.

05:15So, yeah, we're going to get into this tonight.

05:18But just bear with me, you know.

05:22It's going to be interesting, but we're going to get through this here.

05:24So, we're going to talk about, of course, the dreadful word divorce, but what does it

05:33mean to recover from it and what does it also mean to rebuild yourself financially?

05:40How do people rebuild financially and have some stability after a major life transition?

05:49And I don't know who I'm speaking to.

05:51I'm only speaking from real life experiences, but...

05:55It's a major life transition.

05:58And the question that I have to ask some of y'all out there is I don't even know how

06:02you

06:02do it multiple times because...

06:05All right, we're just going to move on from that.

06:07I just don't know how some of y'all do it.

06:11But anyway, so let's get right into this song of the day.

06:28Okay, so we're going to talk about the talented, the beautiful, the sexy, amazing Miss Shantae Moore.

06:39So, the song is bitter, but in the theme of what we do here on 4-in-1 Podcasts and

06:45reading

06:46between the ones and the ones, bitter before you get to a point where you're better.

06:53See, bitter turns into being better.

06:55But I'm going to sidetrack a little bit and I'm going to get you to where I actually am right

07:02now with Shantae Moore.

07:03How did I arrive here with Shantae Moore?

07:06So, it's so mystical how things like this happen.

07:09So, I was just basically reminiscing, going back to the Waiting to Accel soundtrack.

07:15And I was laughing to myself, just sitting in the car laughing.

07:18And I said, you know what?

07:20Baby Face is the only person who could do something like that.

07:25The song Weigh You off of the Waiting to Accel soundtrack.

07:29I remember when I first heard it, and this was back in the day when the cassette was out and

07:35the CD booklets.

07:36And you can actually, he put all of the lyrics for all of the songs in that.

07:42And Face is the only person who could create a song like this that basically has no lyrics.

07:49I don't know what it is, but in any case.

07:52So, that's how I got on to listen to Shantae Moore.

07:55Because I was like, that's an amazing song.

07:59I don't know what she's saying.

08:00If anybody knows what Shantae Moore is off of Waiting to Accel soundtrack,

08:06please text me and let me know.

08:08Because to this day, all of these years later, decades later,

08:12I still don't know what she was saying.

08:13But it's an amazing, beautiful song.

08:16And it takes you away.

08:17It makes me think of like sand, vacation.

08:22And then I also started to think, because this is how my mind thinks sometimes.

08:25And I said, wow, who else could do this except Shantae Moore?

08:30And then I was like, Sade.

08:34And then I started to think, wow, what a crazy combination that would be to have Sade and Babyface together.

08:40I would just love to hear what Sade would do with that song,

08:43Weigh You off of the Waiting to Accel soundtrack.

08:46Now, anyway, so that's how I got on to Shantae Moore.

08:49So, we're going to get back to the script here.

08:51So, then I started to dig into Shantae's category and came the song Bitter.

08:58Dope song, by the way.

09:01Sexy, amazing video.

09:02I strongly encourage y'all to go ahead and check it out.

09:06Let you know that she's much more than just her voice.

09:09But, bitter.

09:13See, if you are bitter, you'll know you're bitter.

09:19Just think about your ex.

09:21See, this is how I figured this thing out.

09:23Think about your ex.

09:24This is how you'll know you're bitter.

09:27Think about your ex and how do you feel about them.

09:31If you feel any resentment, if you feel any anger, if you feel any tenseness, anxiety, drama, disrespect, any of

09:43that,

09:46then what that would mean is that, yeah, you're bitter.

09:50But, see, we want to get you to a place where you are better.

09:54And, again, I don't know who I'm speaking to.

09:55I'm only speaking from real life experiences.

09:58I've been there before.

10:02See, when you think about your ex, if you feel relief, if you feel happiness, if you feel joy, if

10:11you feel the ultimate word, forgiveness,

10:15then that's when you know you are better.

10:18See, a lot of times these things, which we call a setback, typically are a set up for something amazing

10:28and beautiful and wonderful once you let all the bitterness go away.

10:34Check the song out, Bitter.

10:36It starts off with how she says she's bitter about this, that, the next, the other.

10:42She don't like this.

10:43She don't like that.

10:44Can't stand this.

10:45Can't stand that.

10:45She's reminiscing about how the great times were.

10:50But then towards the end of the song, she says, you are going to make me find another.

10:56And she uses a word to describe him.

11:03See, that right there is something that you need to be very careful of.

11:09If you're so quick to go find another without making sure that your heart was healed from all of the

11:16pain, the trauma, the trauma, the disrespect, whatever it was that caused you to be so bitter,

11:27you're destined to repeat the same mistake over and over again.

11:32See, you have to let yourself heal 100%.

11:36And you'll know you're healed 100% when that bitterness turns into something that I can just make this word

11:44up and say, bitterness.

11:47See, you don't want to be bitter.

11:50And see, once you let yourself heal, once you let that situation marinate, once you let that thing come to

11:58a full close,

12:02as an old friend used to say, Laren, you don't have to worry.

12:05Because after all the things that you've been through going forward, you're going to know how to pick them.

12:15You'll be able to see the BS coming.

12:18You'll be able to have that great level of discernment.

12:20You'll be able to separate the BS from the truth as soon as you see them coming.

12:28And it'll be just so clear because you'll be like, my girl Mary, and enough when she says that I

12:36never claimed to be a genius,

12:38but I lived long enough to see this.

12:40So, listen, I've lived long enough and I've been through it so that when I see certain things and when

12:45I feel certain things,

12:46and if you remind me of anything, and I do mean anything, of the past,

12:54nah, you're going to have to miss me with that.

12:56I'm going to have to pass.

12:59Wow.

13:00You want to get to a point where you are better, not bitter.

13:04If you are bitter, you still got some healing to do.

13:08But the dopest thing about it is, is when you start to take responsibility,

13:15if you're still pointing the fingers, if you're still blaming the other person for exactly where you are here today,

13:21yeah, you're still bitter.

13:23But see, you have to take some accountability because can't anybody make you do anything that you don't want to

13:29do?

13:30And I hate to say it, but I'm going to have to say it because some of y'all need

13:33to hear it.

13:34If you signed up for it, yeah, you were scammed, you were duped, you were whatever.

13:40It is what it is.

13:43Call it a loss.

13:44Call it a lesson.

13:47But just do better because when you know better, you do better.

13:50So, don't be bitter.

13:53Just make sure the next time around, you're better.

13:57Bitter, song of the day, bitter, Shantae Moore, released in 2000, off of her album, Exposed.

14:06Yes, some of you need to expose your own self.

14:10You need to expose your own nonsense, your own, and just start airing out your own dirty laundry.

14:15Because listen, if you don't, somebody else will.

14:19And you know, on that record, R. Kelly was in that video.

14:24Check it out if you don't even know what I'm speaking about.

14:28Shantae Moore, Bitter, 2000, off of her album, Exposed.

14:35Okay.

14:36So, yes, it is going to be a dry episode.

14:40I got my bottle of water.

14:42I'm ready.

14:43I'm ready for some rest and relaxation after the show.

14:47So, let's say cheers to that because I'm definitely going to rest up after this.

14:52But I want to say thank y'all.

14:54Grab your glasses.

14:56Toast it up.

14:58Thank y'all for joining in.

14:59I appreciate you.

15:00This movement is growing.

15:02And I most certainly cannot do this without each and every one of you.

15:06So, thank you for coming in to another reading between the wines.

15:11Cheers.

15:12Cheers.

15:16I think we have a little connection or something.

15:18So, I don't know what happened.

15:19But we still going to rock out.

15:23But it seems to be that y'all are still out there.

15:27So, thank y'all.

15:29And now, let's go ahead and get into this and bring my friend, family to the show, author, poet, Birdman313.

15:55What's going on?

15:57What's going on?

15:58How's it going, Barry White?

16:02Let me tell you, this morning I was like, what is going on?

16:07And I was kind of like, I might hope to do the show like that.

16:11Yeah, it was deep.

16:12Man, Barry, hey, Barry was, hey, he was cold, man.

16:16That deep voice, man.

16:18Hey, it got a lot of people, man.

16:22It did, it did.

16:24You know, one thing about Barry White that I found out recently is that he was very conscious.

16:31He was very spiritual and very conscious of who he was as nobody had to tell him who he was.

16:38But, you know, Barry is from Galveston.

16:43Okay, okay.

16:44Me and my son was talking about him last night.

16:46Man, he was in Galveston.

16:48And, you know, he had a little thuggish in him.

16:52He had a little thuggish in him, man.

16:54And he admitted he was in jail.

16:55And when he got out, he got it together.

16:59You see how mystical that is, that you and your son were talking about Barry White?

17:04And that's the first thing I said when I came on?

17:09Yeah.

17:09Yeah, that's why I'm like, man, why he had to miss my man like that?

17:14But, no, he, you know, he was, he, you know, believe it or not, he got ran out of music

17:22secretly and silently.

17:26They're trying to say, go ahead.

17:32Huh?

17:32You said he was ran out secretly and silently because of what now?

17:36You know, there's some things he wouldn't go for.

17:39And they said that radio stations had kind of like balked on playing his music.

17:47But he kept on trying to perform because he, you know, when you're out there doing music, they want it

17:57their way.

17:59And everybody is not going for the way they want it to go.

18:06So, and that was something that, you know, was talked about, like I said, was secretly and silently.

18:15Because they're trying to say that the reason why, you know, his career went down was because of his health.

18:22Because he gained so much weight and all this other stuff.

18:26Yeah, but they was trying, they were trying to push him out anyway.

18:30So, yeah, my first, my first recollection of Barry White is, is ecstasy when you lay down next to me.

18:40So, I remember hearing that joint in the car as a kid, right?

18:46Yeah.

18:47So, then fast forward, 1994, Mary J. Blige comes out with You Bring Me Joy.

18:55And when it came on the radio, I thought that it was Barry White at first until she started singing.

19:01I said, oh, this is something here.

19:05Yeah.

19:06Something is getting ready to change right here.

19:09And the rest is history.

19:12Oh, yeah.

19:13Oh, yeah.

19:14But, yeah, Barry, Barry, Barry, you know, he, man, matter of fact, I was listening to him,

19:19yesterday I was listening to a few songs of his, you know, brought back some memories.

19:24You know, I mean, like, it is what it is.

19:28Like I said, my son and I was talking about, last night we were talking about it.

19:32And he, he, he was, he didn't know he was born in Galveston.

19:37I was telling him about how I accidentally walked past his dad's, I was, actually, I was

19:44on my way to go play some ball at this gym that my cousins had told me about out in

19:49L.A.

19:49And I went back and asked him, I said, man, who's that, who's that house?

19:55I said, the grass manicure, look, a golf cleaner than anybody in the neighborhood with a pink

20:02driveway.

20:03And they looked and they laughed and they said, oh, that's Barry White's dad.

20:08Oh, wow.

20:09And I'm like, really?

20:10I said, why he got a pink driveway?

20:11They said, his wife, she loves pink.

20:14So, what Barry did for him was have the driveway painted pink.

20:20Hmm.

20:22Interesting.

20:23I got it.

20:25I got it.

20:25Yeah.

20:26I see it.

20:27I can see it.

20:28Wow.

20:29Yeah.

20:30Huh.

20:32Interesting.

20:33We're going to have another segment of the celebrities that you met because I met a couple

20:39celebrities and sometimes it went good and sometimes it didn't.

20:44You know what?

20:44I never had, you know, I can say I never had met anyone that was rude to me.

20:53I have.

20:54You know, and it might have been a lot of people said, well, they mean, you know, you're a tall

20:59brother.

20:59You look like you, you done something.

21:02And I'm like, yeah, okay.

21:04I guess that's a, a gift there.

21:07You know, I have nothing else, but yeah, I, I, you know, I sit back and I think about,

21:12I'm like, dang, man, all these people I met and there, there, there's a hip hop group

21:21back in the nineties, eighties, nineties, late eighties, early nineties, a duo.

21:29Well, I'm not going to say the name, but I met one of them in the LAX airport and gave

21:36me a bad taste.

21:37And I was like, you know what?

21:38All right.

21:39That's cool.

21:39I ain't rocking with you no more, but you know what?

21:43I take that back.

21:44It was one group.

21:45And the bad part about it was I knew them.

21:49I used to go to their house parties.

21:50And when they came here, they wouldn't even speak to me.

21:57I have to admit that I got all about, crossed my mind.

21:59When you said that about a duo, it was a, it was a group and I've talked about them a

22:07lot.

22:08And I couldn't believe it, the way they acted and the dudes that was with me was musicians

22:14who also knew them.

22:16And they said, Oh, that's the way y'all roll now.

22:18Cause y'all making money.

22:20Hmm.

22:21Yeah.

22:22We're going to do a segment of that.

22:24Yeah.

22:25I love that.

22:29Shout out to Terry Cruz.

22:31I saw him in the airport.

22:32He was decent.

22:33He have an issue.

22:35So, and it, you know, it's funny.

22:36His, his name hospital.

22:40I was born at in Michigan.

22:42Terry Cruz.

22:44Yeah.

22:45Yeah.

22:45She's from my, she was born in my hometown, but you know, she ended up moving to Gary,

22:51Indiana, you know, with her parents.

22:54Cause her dad got his job, transferred him to Gary, Indiana.

22:59Hmm.

23:00Interesting.

23:01I got stories for you, man.

23:08All right.

23:09Well,

23:10it's time to get into our money hacks segment.

23:13And,

23:14uh,

23:14I'm sure you have some beautiful weather over there in Texas.

23:18We,

23:18we,

23:18it's been raining,

23:20man.

23:20It's been in the nineties for like,

23:23like,

23:23you know,

23:24nineties for a while,

23:25but now it's been raining for the last two days.

23:27We supposed to get rain all this week.

23:29So.

23:31Well,

23:31that's,

23:32that's,

23:33that's,

23:34I mean,

23:34nineties,

23:34that's cool.

23:35I got you.

23:36Yeah.

23:37Fabulous.

23:38It was,

23:39it was the nineties.

23:40But if,

23:41when you walked outside,

23:42it felt like it was a hundred degrees.

23:44They said with the,

23:45you know,

23:46with the humidity,

23:47it was like one Oh one or one Oh two.

23:50Good.

23:51Bring that this way.

23:51I'm waiting for it.

23:52I'm ready.

23:53You can have it,

23:54man.

23:58Listen fabulous.

23:59He has a song called cold summer and he starts it off by saying one of the

24:05work.

24:05He says,

24:05you ever have a cold in those feelings and have a cold in the summer.

24:10And that's what I'm dealing with right now.

24:12And what I have to say is that as if this weather has straightened up instead of

24:16this back and forth,

24:17hot,

24:18cold,

24:18next minute,

24:19the other,

24:19this probably wouldn't have happened.

24:21So I'm ready for that type of weather.

24:24Oh yeah.

24:26All right.

24:27Good.

24:28I'm going to give you number five.

24:29Number five.

24:31Yeah.

24:33All right.

24:34Let's see what we got here.

24:35Five.

24:39We have done five already,

24:42but yeah,

24:43we have five.

24:45We have.

24:46Okay.

24:47Number seven.

24:49All right.

24:49Seven is a good money.

24:51Good money is that's a good number.

24:54Seven.

24:55Okay.

24:55So seven is don't loan anybody money.

24:58If it will come out of your emergency savings.

25:00I know that's right.

25:02I'm going to say that again.

25:03Do not loan anybody,

25:05any money.

25:07If it will come out of your emergency savings.

25:09It is our natural instinct to want to help someone in need,

25:13especially if that's someone is family or dear friend.

25:16I get it.

25:17Trust me.

25:18But here's what I need you to get.

25:20If you give or loan somebody money from your emergency savings,

25:24you have just put yourself at risk.

25:26If you no longer or eight month helping isn't helping.

25:33If it weakens your financial security.

25:35What do you think about that?

25:38I'm not loaning money.

25:39No way.

25:40Cause you know what?

25:41You ain't going to get it back.

25:42You know what?

25:45That's just the way it is.

25:48Somebody told me,

25:49Laren,

25:49when you get.

25:50If from the heart,

25:52expect.

25:53So I had to think about that.

25:55I had to think about that long and hard.

25:57And I,

25:58you know,

25:59have to make sure I practice what I teach.

26:01So I,

26:02you know,

26:02tell my,

26:03my daughters that to don't give anything.

26:08If you are not giving from the heart,

26:10expecting nothing in return.

26:11For example,

26:11if somebody says,

26:12can I borrow $50?

26:15You have to.

26:17Analyze the whole situation and say,

26:19am I in a position to be able to give this person $50?

26:23Even though I know they said borrow.

26:25But in my position to give them $50 expecting nothing in return,

26:29because if they want to do the one 80,

26:31if they want to dip off,

26:33if they want to do something shady and sneaky and never pay you back,

26:36you should be able to walk away saying I did God's work and I did

26:41everything that I was supposed to do.

26:43And if they didn't pay me back as cool.

26:47Now,

26:47that's where I am with my,

26:48my boys,

26:49they be,

26:50they,

26:50you know,

26:51I just tell them,

26:51Hey man,

26:52don't say loan.

26:54Cause you're not going to pay me back.

26:56Just say,

26:56dad,

26:57do you have?

26:58And I say,

26:58you know,

26:59if I have it,

27:00you know,

27:00you can get it.

27:01Not a problem.

27:02Anybody else?

27:03Nope.

27:04I don't have it.

27:04Or I have it,

27:06but you ain't getting it right.

27:09It's basically I have it.

27:11I don't have it to give to you.

27:13Right.

27:14And in any case,

27:16especially if it's coming out of emergency fund,

27:18because see,

27:19listen,

27:20most Americans do not have an emergency fund.

27:24And with that emergency fund,

27:26you want to have anywhere between three to six months of your income.

27:35Saved.

27:37So if something happens,

27:38somebody on a job says,

27:40guess what?

27:40We don't need you no more.

27:42We liked you before,

27:43but now we don't.

27:45Anything happens.

27:46Yeah.

27:48In hospital,

27:49anything,

27:49you put a stand on your feet.

27:51Six months,

27:52at least of six months to be able to get back on your feet.

27:57Now,

27:57if you do more than,

27:59than cool,

28:00you're in a good situation,

28:01but that's the sweet spot.

28:03Six months.

28:05But in any case,

28:06so.

28:08All right.

28:09So now let's get on to tonight's assignment.

28:13We are getting ready to head on over to Nashville,

28:16Tennessee.

28:16You ever been to Tennessee?

28:19Yeah.

28:19I've been through there.

28:21Yeah.

28:21I've never been there before.

28:22I want to check that out one day.

28:24Yeah.

28:24I mean,

28:25you know,

28:25my parents,

28:26when we used to go on vacation,

28:27my dad,

28:27sometime he would veer off and take little places through there.

28:31And you know,

28:32and he said,

28:33well,

28:33I'm trying to miss the cops,

28:36you know,

28:37certain places or just new highways for to get me where I supposed to get

28:42quicker.

28:42So yeah,

28:43you know,

28:44I've been through,

28:44you know,

28:45Tennessee a few times.

28:47That's interesting.

28:48I don't even know how they did it back in the day without GPS,

28:53just taking these random places.

28:55There'll be an accident on a highway.

28:57And do you see a parents just veer off and take these back roads and this

29:01nonsense?

29:02I couldn't.

29:03Diana.

29:04She says that all the time.

29:06And I said,

29:06I know what you,

29:07I know what you mean.

29:10I said,

29:10but Hey,

29:11all I did was I,

29:12you know,

29:12like my dad,

29:13Hey man,

29:13how,

29:13how I get to Houston.

29:15He said,

29:16he give me numbers.

29:17I write,

29:18you,

29:18you writing this down.

29:19Yeah,

29:19man,

29:19I'm writing it down and I wrote it down and I followed him.

29:23Wow.

29:23That's all.

29:24That's only thing you could do.

29:26Yeah.

29:28I remember I took a trip to go to New York and I ended up supposed to go to

29:34Yonkers.

29:35I ended up in a Bronx somewhere of lost.

29:38Oh man.

29:39You read next door to New York.

29:41At that moment,

29:42I was 21 years old.

29:43I didn't know what I was doing.

29:45Oh,

29:48I didn't know what I was doing,

29:52but I figured it out.

29:53Okay.

29:54Okay.

29:55I'll let you pass on that one.

29:57Yeah.

29:58Don't ask me any questions.

30:00I know.

30:02GPS.

30:02Oh,

30:04yeah,

30:05I can't.

30:05All right.

30:07So Tamara says the divorce became official six months ago.

30:11Everybody keeps congratulating me.

30:13You made it through.

30:14You look happier.

30:15You seem lighter.

30:17What they don't see is a financial mess sitting behind the freedom for 15 years.

30:22There were two incomes helping carry one household.

30:24Now it's just me.

30:25The house had to be sold.

30:27Retirement accounts were split.

30:29Attorneys got paid credit cards that were once our problem somehow became my problem.

30:35Emotionally,

30:36I know leaving was the right decision.

30:39Financially,

30:40I feel like I'm starting adulthood.

30:43All 47 years old.

30:44Last Saturday,

30:45I was sitting at the furniture store looking at the dining room table for my new apartment.

30:50Nothing.

30:52The table stood there.

30:5420 minutes that I should buy it because I couldn't afford it.

30:57Because I realized I don't trust myself financially anymore.

31:02Every purchase feels bigger.

31:04Now every decision feels heavier.

31:05I spent so many years focusing on surviving the marriage that I never developed confidence in managing life completely on

31:13my own.

31:14Some days I feel empowered.

31:16Other days I feel terrified.

31:18How do you rebuild financially when you're still healing emotionally?

31:23Birdman,

31:24what do you got?

31:25First of all,

31:26I'll be asking,

31:27okay,

31:27them six months before it became final,

31:29what was you doing?

31:32I know.

31:33And I mean,

31:34don't get me wrong.

31:34Cause Hey,

31:35I,

31:36you know,

31:36I went through a divorce and my situation was a little bit different.

31:44I was able to,

31:46you know,

31:46just my situation was because me and her had split up so many times that no matter who walked out

31:54the door,

31:54it didn't bother me at all.

31:57You know,

31:57and I,

31:58I,

31:58I never really changed my lifestyle.

32:04I always was what did I need versus what do I want?

32:12And I always,

32:13I always think about that.

32:15I'm going to get what I need before I get what I want.

32:21And I guess a lot of people don't really doing that time.

32:25They don't think,

32:26but like I said,

32:26she has six months knowing that it was,

32:30it was going to be final.

32:31But she like,

32:33like I tell people,

32:34I said,

32:34Hey man,

32:35you know what?

32:36Six months.

32:37I said,

32:38dude,

32:38I said,

32:38man,

32:39mine was,

32:40it was like,

32:42you know,

32:42we split up in August.

32:46Two weeks later,

32:47she moved in with her boyfriend.

32:49Six months later,

32:50she filed for divorce.

32:53Six months later,

32:54she was married.

32:55You know?

32:57So I mean,

32:59I didn't,

32:59I didn't think about any of that.

33:01Once I left,

33:02I said it was done with,

33:04it was over with.

33:05And I just started picking up.

33:07And like I said,

33:09I,

33:10I got what I needed.

33:13And anything that I wanted,

33:15that's what it was.

33:16It was a want.

33:19And I tried to tell people that,

33:21man,

33:22you know,

33:22you,

33:23you know,

33:23you don't see a lot of things you want.

33:25Cause you,

33:26you know,

33:26you single now.

33:28And,

33:28but you got to realize too,

33:30that it's going to come some hard time.

33:33Cause I,

33:33I did have some hard times,

33:35but like I said,

33:36my situation was different because me and her had split up so many times that I was so used to,

33:43you know,

33:44her just walking out and then coming back and walking out and then coming back.

33:49And the last time I just said,

33:51Hey,

33:51I'm done with this for good.

33:54Yeah.

33:55Yeah.

33:56And she,

33:57that's what she got to do.

33:58If she needed that diner table,

34:02if you need it,

34:03get it.

34:04If you want it,

34:05leave it there.

34:07Right.

34:08That's the only thing.

34:09It's the only thing you can say about,

34:10about any of that,

34:13you know,

34:13and that's why I,

34:14I,

34:15a lot of my friends,

34:16when they got,

34:17you know,

34:18when they,

34:18when they got divorced and then they said,

34:22how did you do it?

34:23What you did?

34:24I said,

34:24because I got what I needed,

34:26not what I wanted.

34:29And I said,

34:30I kind of maintain that.

34:32I said,

34:33that was something that was,

34:34I said,

34:35Hey,

34:35I,

34:36that was instilled in me years ago.

34:39You know,

34:40my,

34:41my mom would always say,

34:43get what you need,

34:44not what you want.

34:45And my dad,

34:46he would,

34:47he would say the same thing.

34:48He said,

34:48if you want it,

34:51well,

34:51you need to put it in layaway.

34:54But if you don't,

34:55he said,

34:56he said,

34:57but always remember this,

34:59get what you need,

35:00not what you want.

35:02That's a good way to start this off here.

35:06Needs versus wants.

35:07I posted something last week about that.

35:10See,

35:10a lot of times,

35:10like you said,

35:11we have issues because it's the stuff that we want.

35:15That marriage,

35:16that marriage got you into a situation because that's what you wanted.

35:19That's not what you really needed.

35:22Again,

35:22I don't know who I'm speaking to.

35:24I'm only speaking from real life experiences,

35:26but now I'm going to break this down.

35:30The best way I know how to do it.

35:33This is some,

35:34this is a mess.

35:35Like you said,

35:36there's a financial mess.

35:37It is because for 15 years,

35:39two incomes helping carrying one household.

35:42See,

35:43a friend told me when I was going through my situations that,

35:47you know what?

35:48You need to be able to stand on your own two feet.

35:51It's great that two houses,

35:53two incomes can sustain one household,

35:56but it sounds like you both were living way well beyond your means because if

36:02you both were living,

36:06you would be able to separate and walk away just fine.

36:10But here comes the situation when I'm making a certain amount of money,

36:14you're making a certain amount of money and we start feeling good about each other,

36:18feeling really extra each other.

36:20Now we want to go ahead and put our money together so we can go ahead and get something which

36:25is well beyond our means.

36:26So then when you start to do the one 80,

36:29when I start to look at you a little shady,

36:31now all of a sudden we feel stuck because we got to be together just to withstand this lifestyle that

36:37we put together and to keep this house and these cars together.

36:41That's the problem right there.

36:43So for 15 years,

36:44you were faking a funk and this is exactly why you have what you have.

36:48So for people out there that don't want to be tied like the old school chain and ball situation,

36:54then don't put yourself in it like that being on your own two feet so that when somebody wakes up

37:01up tomorrow,

37:01guess what?

37:02I found me down at the job that looks that does it better than you.

37:06You can just walk away and say,

37:08I'm cool.

37:08Cause guess what?

37:09I can stand on my own two feet,

37:11but don't put yourself in a situation where you're putting your money together with somebody else's.

37:16And now you both are living well beyond your means.

37:20Right.

37:21And,

37:21you know,

37:22that's like,

37:23and people ask me all the time,

37:26there's a song that I listened to and somebody said,

37:30man,

37:30what,

37:30why are you?

37:31I noticed you,

37:32you listened to that song a lot.

37:35And I'm like,

37:36yeah,

37:36because I heard,

37:37I heard it when I was in college and that's something that just stuck with me.

37:42And it's by the Ohio players.

37:44I want to be free.

37:46Wow.

37:47Check that out.

37:50And then I used to play that all the time.

37:55And,

37:55you know,

37:56and I always,

37:58you know,

37:58like I said,

37:59I've always said what I need to what I want.

38:04And my first,

38:05like my,

38:05like my first man,

38:07it was like,

38:08oh man,

38:08she wanted all these things when we know we couldn't afford it.

38:12And then my dad,

38:13he said,

38:13let me whisper in your ear.

38:15I saw you ain't whispering in my ear.

38:16He said,

38:17no,

38:17I'm put this bug in your ear.

38:19He said,

38:20she going to mess around.

38:22And she going to get you,

38:23your name on so much stuff.

38:26She walk out.

38:27Guess who going to be responsible for it?

38:30Okay.

38:30And I looked at it.

38:32Yeah.

38:33And I'm like,

38:34okay.

38:35He said,

38:36so always what you need,

38:38not what you want.

38:39Now,

38:40now you just set us up for the next part.

38:43Now the house had to be sold.

38:46Retirement accounts were split.

38:47Attorneys got paid.

38:48Oh,

38:49they going to get their money because that's a whole game too with the attorneys.

38:52So that's a whole nother situation.

38:56Credit cards that were once our problem somehow became my problem.

39:01See,

39:01while somebody is spinning,

39:05the other person who gets away with everything is winning.

39:08Any other person is losing.

39:10So,

39:11and Oh,

39:12by the way,

39:12when you go through a divorce,

39:13your credit score will be affected.

39:16You basically gets,

39:18it's basically gets wiped away and it starts over again.

39:20So your credit score will be impacted by a divorce.

39:27So these are lessons that you learn when you know better,

39:31you do better.

39:32So your credit is jacked up.

39:35You got all this extra debt that you have to pay for.

39:37Sometimes it's just best.

39:38If you just say,

39:39you know what?

39:42I'm not going to go back and forth.

39:45Deuces.

39:45You do what you got to do.

39:46I'll clean up this mess the best way I know how.

39:49Yeah.

39:49Okay.

39:50But if they sold a house,

39:52that money she got for the house,

39:54she should have paid off some credit card bills,

39:57but I'm trying to figure out,

39:59okay,

39:59both of their names was on the credit card bill.

40:02It sounds like her name was the only one on the credit cards.

40:09Absolutely.

40:10But he had one and he ran up,

40:13he ran up what he did.

40:14Now he can walk away from it and she has to end up paying it.

40:19See,

40:22sometimes we can get a little jacked up with these credit cards in this.

40:27You don't even have to be married.

40:28First of all,

40:29when it comes to these credit cards,

40:31just be very careful.

40:32Be very careful with that authorized user BS.

40:36Don't do it.

40:38Don't do it.

40:40My credit cards asked me that all the time.

40:43Hey,

40:43you want to not know.

40:44No,

40:45no,

40:46no,

40:46no.

40:48I'm responsible for it.

40:50You know,

40:51I'm going to be responsible for it.

40:53My kids are grown.

40:55They can get their own credit card.

40:58Right.

40:58And be responsible for it.

41:01I,

41:01I'm,

41:01you know,

41:02I've always been that.

41:03Now I ain't always been that way.

41:05Cause I,

41:05I got,

41:05I did get messed around like that when I first came out of college and I learned

41:12then and my dad said,

41:15we don't have to say nothing to you.

41:17you know,

41:17he,

41:18they didn't,

41:18he didn't have to say nothing to me.

41:20Cause he,

41:20you know,

41:21I knew that I had messed up myself.

41:25Right.

41:27You know,

41:27so I just,

41:29I,

41:29I didn't ever,

41:31whenever I got a credit card,

41:33it was always in my name.

41:34And I,

41:35I,

41:36I didn't have any authorized user.

41:39I mean,

41:40I can't say,

41:41I know I'm going to say this cause this person,

41:43Diana sitting here.

41:44I know she did help me with to get discovered.

41:49But when I got my card,

41:52I'm,

41:52you know,

41:52make sure that card was paid off and I handed it back to her.

41:56Yeah.

41:57You know,

41:57you know,

41:58so therefore I don't have that card in my possession.

42:02So if any charges is on it,

42:05it is her that's charging it.

42:07Right.

42:08Right.

42:08You know,

42:09we had the understanding and I,

42:11I wouldn't,

42:11I wouldn't put her or nobody else in that situation,

42:15but I made sure that card had,

42:17it was zero across.

42:18And here,

42:19I got my own discover card now.

42:22And Hey,

42:23everything,

42:24it done worked out.

42:26Cause I don't put no more than,

42:28then,

42:29you know,

42:29maybe,

42:30or sometimes if necessary,

42:34it will be no more than $500.

42:38If I do,

42:39and then I'll pay it off till I get it down to zero.

42:43And,

42:44you know,

42:45Hey,

42:45I just don't bother it,

42:47man.

42:47You know,

42:48the card sits back there.

42:49You know,

42:49I've had,

42:50I've had both American express and that.

42:53And,

42:54you know,

42:54once I get it,

42:56run it up,

42:57I pay it down.

42:58I make sure it's zero,

43:00zero.

43:00And then,

43:01you know,

43:01I leave it alone for about four or five months.

43:05I feel you.

43:07When,

43:07when it comes to credit cards,

43:10they can work for you or they could work against you.

43:14And to sum this thing up for,

43:17uh,

43:18our assignment here tonight,

43:20I would say,

43:21listen here,

43:22the furniture that you want or you need,

43:26you might need it.

43:27This is part of the healing process.

43:29Cause the furniture might be one situation.

43:33One thing that I like is that you said you were there debating.

43:36So it wasn't like you just did some impulsive stuff.

43:40So you're actually going back and forth with yourself,

43:43trying to figure out if this is the right thing to do.

43:45And you said every purchase feels bigger now because it might be depending on how much credit card debt you're

43:52in.

43:52And every decision might feel heavier.

43:55Yeah.

43:55Because it might be depending on what your credit card situation is.

44:00Nobody knows what that dollar amount is,

44:02but you,

44:03um,

44:04so that is part of the healing process that is going to be a part of the situation.

44:11And it might be scary.

44:13It might be terrifying.

44:14All of those words that you called it,

44:16that exactly what it might be.

44:18And this is part of the healing process and teach you a lesson.

44:24Remember,

44:25remember where I'm at right now,

44:27because whatever we're going to do,

44:30we're going to make sure that we never let this happen again.

44:34Right.

44:35And you know what?

44:36It's not,

44:36you know,

44:37and I tell people this all the time.

44:39They look at me.

44:39I said,

44:40man,

44:40sometimes go to,

44:42uh,

44:43you know,

44:43a side store,

44:45a secondhand store.

44:46You'd be surprised.

44:47Cause my mom used to tell me,

44:49boy,

44:49Hey,

44:49you want to,

44:50you want a table that bad?

44:51Go get your table and get you a diet,

44:53you know,

44:54a cloth,

44:55you know,

44:55and put on there.

44:56And Hey,

44:57ain't nobody.

44:58And she said,

44:59who are you going to have over there looking at your table anyway?

45:03You know,

45:03and I'm not thought about that.

45:05I'm like,

45:05you know,

45:06you're right.

45:07Yeah.

45:08Yeah.

45:08See that part right there.

45:10A lot of times we do things.

45:12Are you doing it for yourself?

45:13Are you doing it to please other people?

45:16Yes.

45:17And that's what,

45:17that's what I did.

45:18You know,

45:19I,

45:19I went to,

45:20I went to a little side store.

45:23I got me a little dinette set.

45:25Hey,

45:26you know,

45:27nobody said nothing bad about it.

45:29I didn't care if they did.

45:31I know that's right.

45:33You know,

45:34cause it was mine.

45:36And I ain't going to invite you no way to come over and have no dinner.

45:40So who cares?

45:43I know what you're saying.

45:45A lot of situations that I got in because sitting there trying to people,

45:50please,

45:51I'm worried about what somebody else says.

45:52And then whatever mate you get wrapped up and trapped up with,

45:58they're convincing you to buy this and buy that.

46:01So it looks like this and yeah,

46:05Nope,

46:06not today.

46:07We don't do that today.

46:10All right.

46:11So we are here.

46:17What you got going on for,

46:21really,

46:23I've really been taking my,

46:25you know,

46:26I've been kind of like taking a back seat,

46:27just enjoying listening to other people read their poems.

46:31I've been reading poems,

46:34but Sunday is going to be lions and pirates.

46:39It's going to be on zoom.

46:42And other than that,

46:44man,

46:45working on some new videos,

46:47still writing poems,

46:51promoting my books.

46:54That's about it,

46:55man.

46:55I'm not doing nothing for a while,

46:58man.

46:58I'm just,

46:58I'm just kicked back.

47:01Just,

47:02chilling,

47:03really been working on some tunes that I'm thinking about putting some,

47:08some poetry to,

47:10and I'm,

47:11I'm,

47:11I'm getting it down to where I like what the tunes that I got.

47:16And I'm,

47:17that's about it,

47:18man.

47:18I'm not rushing no more.

47:20I'm just taking my time.

47:23That's interesting.

47:24That's interesting.

47:24I,

47:25last night,

47:27I was like in my dream state and I'm like,

47:32you should do an album.

47:34Cause you know,

47:35I've done,

47:35you know,

47:37CDs before back in the day,

47:39demo tapes.

47:41But if I ever come across a producer that really,

47:44really knows what they're doing.

47:47And the vibe is there.

47:49I could see myself doing like a 10 or 12 track album.

47:54Right.

47:55Well,

47:55you know,

47:55it's like,

47:56I was saying,

47:56I want to do a,

47:57I want to do a CD of,

47:59of poetry.

48:05I'm stuck between how I want it done.

48:10And the music is,

48:12there is a musician,

48:13her and I,

48:14we have talked about doing that,

48:16but,

48:17Oh man,

48:19she,

48:19she'd been having a lot of issues going on.

48:23So I just,

48:25okay.

48:26I backed off,

48:26but then there was a guy here,

48:28right here in Houston.

48:29And he plays,

48:31he,

48:32he's,

48:32he's traveled to Japan a lot.

48:34So,

48:35you know,

48:35and he said,

48:36Hey man,

48:37he said,

48:37we need to get together.

48:40And,

48:40you know,

48:41I'm a,

48:42I got some music that I want to put with your poetry.

48:46And I'm like,

48:47yeah,

48:47okay.

48:47But I'm just waiting for him to make that,

48:49you know,

48:50whenever we could,

48:51you know,

48:51get together.

48:52So.

48:54Yeah.

48:57Yeah.

48:57I can see that.

48:58I can see that.

48:59I can see that.

49:00Interesting.

49:02Well,

49:03it's time to bring this show to a close.

49:07And I want to say thank you for joining me,

49:10of course.

49:11And yeah,

49:12my energy levels.

49:14It's not a hundred percent tonight.

49:17Oh,

49:18well,

49:19let me shout out to where,

49:20you know,

49:21to some things that,

49:22you know,

49:23um,

49:24where they can find my books is on Amazon.com.

49:28slash author slash poet bird,

49:31man.

49:32I do it every time.

49:34It's Amazon.com slash author slash bird,

49:38man.

49:38Three,

49:38one,

49:39three.

49:40Um,

49:41YouTube.

49:41I just uploaded a new,

49:44um,

49:45um,

49:45video.

49:45I did today.

49:48I did today and youtube.com slash author,

49:52poet,

49:52bird,

49:53man.

49:53Three,

49:53one,

49:54five,

49:54five.

49:56Um,

49:56I'm on Instagram,

49:58bird,

49:58man.

49:59Three,

49:59one,

49:59three,

49:59five,

50:00five.

50:01I'm on Spotify.

50:02I'm hoping that they accept this new video.

50:05I sent to them.

50:06I'm just waiting for them to let me know.

50:09She says she got it.

50:11So,

50:11um,

50:12it's,

50:12um,

50:13coffee,

50:13wine and words platform,

50:15bird,

50:15man,

50:15three,

50:16one,

50:16three.

50:16So I'm hoping that she accept them post my,

50:19um,

50:20new video on her platform sometime next,

50:24this week or next week,

50:25whenever it comes and that's about it right there.

50:32I'm thinking about,

50:33Oh,

50:33I know what I am doing.

50:34I'm thinking about doing a special where,

50:37um,

50:39uh,

50:39for my poetry books.

50:42Um,

50:43I don't know.

50:44I'm thinking about doing a special sales and just giving,

50:48saying,

50:49Hey,

50:49this is my email.

50:51Contact me if you want it.

50:52And,

50:54you know,

50:55if you want to go to Amazon,

50:55or you want to,

50:57if you get them from me,

50:59they're going to be signed.

51:01I'm just kind of like sitting back trying to figure out which way to do it.

51:05Because like I said,

51:06I,

51:07in the past I had issues with doing it that way,

51:12you know,

51:13with people trying to scam and all that.

51:16So,

51:17no,

51:17I know what you mean.

51:18Yeah,

51:19I got you.

51:21Yeah.

51:23All right.

51:24I'm getting closer to sending you a copy.

51:27I went,

51:28got the envelope.

51:30I got the envelope yesterday.

51:34So I'm getting,

51:35you getting close to getting your book,

51:37man.

51:37So I'll be,

51:38I,

51:38the book is read.

51:39It's here,

51:40ready,

51:41signed and everything.

51:42And I just got to fill out the envelope and go to the post office.

51:47But it's,

51:49it's there.

51:49It has your name on it,

51:50man.

51:50Cause you and my cousin already told him,

51:53I keep talking to her and I told her I wanted her address and she said,

51:58yeah.

51:59But every time I talk to her,

52:00I forget to write it down.

52:03Well,

52:04I'll be waiting for it.

52:06And when we get ready to do the live version of this podcast,

52:10I got my book ready.

52:11So yeah,

52:12we'll be good.

52:13Yeah.

52:13Well,

52:13what,

52:14what,

52:15when is that going to be?

52:17Probably in like four weeks,

52:19July.

52:20So it's coming up.

52:22Hey,

52:23within the next two,

52:24I would say next two weeks,

52:25man.

52:26Don't be.

52:28Yeah.

52:28You got,

52:29yeah.

52:30Yeah.

52:31I'll get,

52:31I'll get it to you,

52:32man.

52:33Yeah.

52:33No problem.

52:34No problem.

52:35Yeah.

52:37I have an address,

52:38right?

52:39Oh yeah.

52:40Yeah.

52:40You got it.

52:41And it's on the bottom of my email,

52:44but if you need me to send it,

52:46I'll send it again.

52:47Okay.

52:48Bottom of your email.

52:48Okay.

52:49Okay.

52:49Cool.

52:50I'll look at your email there.

52:51Okay.

52:52Gotcha.

52:53All right.

52:54Well,

52:54I'm going to go ahead and get out of here and I am looking forward to some

52:58rest and I'm gonna watch some comedy shows tonight and laugh.

53:02Cause when I'm feeling like that,

53:03that's basically the only thing that I like to do is just crack up and laugh

53:08and feel better.

53:09So I appreciate you.

53:12Yeah.

53:12Get well soon,

53:13man.

53:13I'm going to watch the Spurs tonight,

53:15man.

53:15Spurs and the Knicks.

53:17So,

53:17okay.

53:18You know,

53:19yeah,

53:20but get well soon,

53:21man.

53:22All right.

53:22So we'll be here.

53:23Same place,

53:24same time next week.

53:26Yeah.

53:26Take care.

53:27Have a good night.

53:28Yeah.

53:28You too.

53:29Yeah.

53:30All right.

53:41Ladies and gentlemen,

53:43there you have it.

53:44Author,

53:44poet,

53:45Birdman 313.

53:47I want to thank you all for joining in.

53:49We made it through another episode.

53:52Yeah.

53:53Made it through,

53:54made it through.

53:54Now,

53:55if you have any questions,

53:57anything sparked anything in you about debt-free living,

54:01getting out of debt,

54:03credit card debt.

54:04I know that this was a difficult topic,

54:08but a very much needed topic because a lot of people go through this each and every day.

54:13And this is why you have to be very careful with who you get wrapped up and trapped up with.

54:18But in life,

54:20there are lessons.

54:21So if you've learned your lesson and you're ready to fix some things,

54:26you need a little guidance,

54:29head on over to laurengaines.com.

54:32I focus on debt-free living from the spiritual,

54:35mental,

54:35physical,

54:36and financial lenses.

54:39And I've been there before.

54:41So,

54:42yeah,

54:43not something that we want to be an expert in,

54:47but in reality,

54:49excuse me,

54:54sometimes God puts things in our past so we can go ahead and be a light to help teach.

55:01And help other people.

55:02So,

55:04in any case,

55:06thank you all so much.

55:07Please head on over to laurengaines.com if you have any questions, comments.

55:12Drop it in the comments.

55:13Let me know.

55:14Please hit that like button.

55:16Share this podcast out to a friend,

55:19family member,

55:20anybody that could use some financial awareness.

55:24And on that note,

55:26I will see you when I see you.

55:30Thank you all for coming in.

55:31A great episode.

55:33Good night.

55:54I'll see you when I see you when I see you when I see you when I see you when

55:54I see you when I see you when I see you when I see you when I see you when

55:55I see you when I see you when I see you when I see you when I see you when

55:57I see you when I see you when I see you when I see you when I see you when

The Divorce Is Final - The Debt Isn't | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 32)

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