- 6 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:03Friends are like stars.
00:05Even when you can't see them, you know they're still there.
00:09And Mike's star will continue to shine for all of us.
00:15Goodbye, Mike.
00:27Do you think we're meant to go on?
00:29Done.
00:32I don't think we're meant to go on.
00:36Do we have to?
00:37Yeah.
01:01Do you think April did save him?
01:03I talked to that man in the foyer and he was very, very boring.
01:06Yeah, probably.
01:08When I die, I don't want any of this truth bullshit.
01:11I only want superlatives.
01:13He was a risk taker.
01:15Always the coolest guy in the room.
01:17He was generous to a fault.
01:18You will need to say that one probably because no one will actually think that.
01:21You aren't going to die and you're my best friend ever.
01:24And if there was a flood, I would husk out my own mother's body and use it as a canoe
01:30to get you to safety.
01:31I appreciate that.
01:34Tomorrow!
01:37Tomorrow!
01:38Tomorrow!
01:39Tomorrow!
01:53Tomorrow!
02:06Oh, sorry, our friend died.
02:08Sorry.
02:15You two stay down here.
02:18I'll get it.
02:19I'll come down.
02:20Okay.
02:38What are you doing?
02:40Oh.
02:41Move your body.
02:43Move your body to the room.
02:45Move your body.
02:48Move your body to the room.
02:57Hey.
02:59Hey.
02:59Thought you were a ghost.
03:01Did you think being in a crouched position would help you with that?
03:03Yeah, I do find it sometimes helps.
03:06Very useful against ghosts.
03:07I didn't know you were living here again.
03:10I'm not.
03:10I just spoke up with Yanis.
03:12Oh.
03:14Who's Yanis?
03:15He is my ex.
03:17I'm doing my masters with him.
03:19I'm sorry.
03:20It's fine.
03:21He had the mean gene.
03:23Oh, well, fuck him then.
03:25Aww.
03:26When did you get a dog?
03:27Hey.
03:28It's Nancy's dog.
03:29So cute.
03:30How is Nancy?
03:31Uh, she's thriving I would say since we divorced four years ago.
03:36Still walking her dog?
03:38Yeah.
03:38Well, I miss the dog more than I miss Nancy.
03:42Sorry mum didn't say you got a divorce.
03:45So you're with anyone now?
03:46Nope.
03:47No.
03:48Why is that?
03:49I like to think it's because women are intimidated by my boyish good looks.
03:53But, um, it's probably more to do with the fact that I find it hard to commit emotionally.
03:57And, um, I also use humour as a shield.
04:02Uh oh.
04:03And, uh, apparently I can be quite selfish.
04:07And that comes from two different people.
04:08So that's something I'm working on.
04:10A lot of reasons.
04:12Yeah.
04:12Many reasons.
04:14Are you sure you want to do that?
04:16Last time you got very anxious.
04:18I'll be fine.
04:19It won't be a big one.
04:23Steve's, he's not really upset.
04:25I just feel like I should be there for him.
04:29You're such a good friend.
04:30I know, right?
04:33And you're the best in his friend.
04:39Maybe if we wake up early, we can have sex in the morning.
04:46Sounds good.
04:59Love you.
05:00Love you.
05:02Oh!
05:03Al!
05:03Could you close the door, please?
05:09What are you doing, Al?
05:11I'm putting a glass of water.
05:12You woke me up.
05:13Oh, look at you.
05:15And your pajamas and your sweet hair.
05:17Oh, man.
05:20Sorry, sorry.
05:21Go back to bed.
05:22You've got to school tomorrow.
05:23Ooh.
05:23Love you.
05:24If you only want one marshmallow, then you can...
05:26Found it!
05:30Found what?
05:31What are you doing here?
05:32What's happened?
05:33Uh, Yanis and I broke up.
05:36Yeah, I'm fine.
05:38I feel absolutely no urge to rip his head off and shit in his neck.
05:41Oh, great.
05:43I've decided he has borderline personality disorder.
05:46Sounds right.
05:47So, would it be okay if I moved back in just for a couple of weeks?
05:51Of course!
05:51Yay!
05:52I mean, not, you know, not yay, but yay.
06:00So, um, we were just about to go back to this thing, um, for Mike.
06:05A bunch of us, um, you know, telling stories about him and...
06:09But we totally...
06:10I mean, we don't have to go out if you'd like me to stay and keep you company.
06:15Yeah, I'd love for you to stay.
06:20I'm joking.
06:21I'm 26.
06:22I'll be fine.
06:23Okay.
06:24If you're sure.
06:24Yes, I'm sure.
06:25Yeah.
06:27Have fun.
06:28Come on in.
06:34How old is this, Kurt?
06:35Uh, I don't know.
06:37I think you had the same egg in 2005.
06:39I'm gonna wait.
06:40For what?
06:43Oh, my God.
06:44Are you waiting to see if I die from the off coke?
06:47Yeah.
06:51I'll miss you.
06:54Our friend died!
06:55He was in his fifth stage!
06:56Do you think that's old?
06:58We used to go out with each other.
06:59A long time ago.
07:00We've known each other for over 30 years.
07:02We went at the hacienda.
07:04She was on the podium, giving it the...
07:06Oh, there.
07:08These people you're standing with might be your best friends to your 50!
07:14How old do you think we are?
07:16I don't know.
07:16I'm like 60.
07:17Fuck you!
07:1860?
07:19We don't look 60!
07:20We don't look 60!
07:22They have no idea how cool we are.
07:25I'm a clothes designer.
07:26He invented the Nicole Richie Bobb!
07:29He's Steve Wilde!
07:30Steve Steve Wilde!
07:31Now the Wilde volumiser?
07:33You think you're gonna be cool when you're older?
07:36Most of you won't be!
07:37Won't be, won't be, might be, won't be, won't be, won't be.
07:41Won't be.
07:41Might be, won't be, will be.
07:44Are there any good jobs where people stand the whole time?
07:46Good doctor.
07:47Yes.
07:47Good doctor, Stan.
07:48Yes.
07:48Poor traitors.
07:49Yes.
07:49Maybe I'll cut people's hair on a stool.
07:51No one's ever gonna remember my unicorn!
07:52Not a manly job, son!
07:53Your daddy's an arsehole!
07:58I wish I was in love.
08:00I wish I was in love and...
08:03and had a baby.
08:05Just have a...
08:06You can have a baby!
08:07Men can have babies till they're 90!
08:10Just have a baby!
08:11With who?
08:12There are billions of people out there, Steve.
08:14It's possible that you won't meet one you like.
08:17Anybody would be lucky to have you.
08:19Women our age can't have babies, so there you go.
08:22No baby for Steve.
08:24So get a younger one?
08:24I don't want a young...
08:25A younger one!
08:26Why not?
08:27Younger women are just...
08:28Older women, but younger.
08:30Oh, no.
08:31No, no, don't, Alice.
08:33No, don't.
08:33I'm not in the mood.
08:34No, I am!
08:35I'm not!
08:36I'm gonna find you someone to love.
08:39You deserve to be loved.
08:41No, I'm not even sure that I do.
08:44No, Alice, don't.
08:45Please don't.
08:46Alice, don't!
08:54Sorry to bother you.
08:55Do you have a boyfriend?
08:58Um...
08:58No, but...
08:59I'm straight.
09:00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:00Me too.
09:01My friend over there,
09:04he's quite shy,
09:05but he's the best person in the world
09:06and he's famous.
09:07He cuts out everybody's hair.
09:08He's done...
09:09Um...
09:09Emily Blunt, Billie Eilish.
09:11Uh...
09:12He invented the Shaggy Bob.
09:13You know, the Nicole Richie one.
09:15Uh...
09:15And he's also the sweetest, kindest man...
09:19Like, ever.
09:20Mm.
09:21And he's got money.
09:22And I wondered if you'd...
09:23You wanted to talk to him?
09:30Okay.
09:31Really?
09:31Yeah.
09:32Okay!
09:33Yes!
09:35Yes!
09:36She wants to talk to you!
09:38No, I don't want to.
09:39No, she's too young.
09:40I can't.
09:41Why?
09:41I'm a 50-year-old man,
09:43and that's when I'm rounding down.
09:44No young woman wants a 50-year-old man creeping up her hair.
09:47They treat us like we're orcs.
09:49You...
09:49You are not an orc.
09:50I want you to go over there,
09:51and woo the shit out of her.
09:53That's not a nice phrase.
09:55And kiss her,
09:56and stay up all night with her.
09:58She'd be lucky to have you.
10:00Go on!
10:04Come on.
10:06Wait, wait, wait.
10:07Do you want to take Crosby?
10:07Remember when little dogs look gay?
10:09Oh.
10:11I don't look after Crosby.
10:16Hi, I'm Steve from over there.
10:18Hi, Camilla.
10:19Camilla.
10:20Hi.
10:21So you cut hair?
10:22Well, I'm a hair stylist.
10:24I styled hair.
10:25Oh.
10:25I don't cut hair.
10:27I styled hair with scissors.
10:28Sorry.
10:28I don't know what I'm doing.
10:29I'm doing a voice.
10:30It's not my voice.
10:31This is my voice.
10:32Yeah.
10:32You have a nice voice.
10:33Oh, thank you.
10:33You too.
10:55Hello.
10:58How may I help you?
11:01Are you Izzy's mum?
11:06Yes.
11:07Yes.
11:08I am indeed.
11:10I'm a one.
11:11I went to take form with her.
11:13You were always so hilarious, Mrs. Ashton.
11:15Oh, thanks.
11:18Oh, that's so sweet.
11:21It's lovely to see you again, one.
11:22Great to see you too.
11:32Do you know Willie Nelson?
11:34I've been learning Willie Nelson.
11:37Little Skies?
11:38No?
11:39No.
11:40No.
11:47What happened?
11:49We had nothing in common.
11:50How could you not know who the Bee Gees are?
11:52The Bee Gees?
11:55Where's Crosby?
11:56No.
11:59Crosby?
12:00Oh, good.
12:01Crosby.
12:02Oh, shit!
12:03Wake up, little buddy.
12:04Wake up, boy.
12:05What's happened?
12:06What's he eating?
12:09Fucking hell, Alice.
12:11You did the cross.
12:11Do mouth and mouth.
12:12Oh!
12:13Come on, do it!
12:14I'm doing it!
12:17Okay, tell me exactly what Crosby ingested.
12:25Pills for my heart.
12:27I have a heart condition.
12:28What pills?
12:29Um...
12:30It...
12:30Can you tell me specifically?
12:34Hmm...
12:34If I give Crosby the wrong medication, it could kill him.
12:36He ate cocaine.
12:37By accident.
12:38It may have been off.
12:43Bogner's a really pretty name.
12:47What if they arrest us?
12:50We could say it wasn't our coke.
12:52It was just on the floor.
12:54I would rather go to jail than Crosby dying.
13:01Dogs can't eat chocolate, onion, grapes or class A drugs.
13:05You need to be more careful in future.
13:07I've given him some diazepam and there are a few extras here to give him if he gets distressed in
13:11the night.
13:14I'm so, so sorry.
13:16It's okay.
13:17It's fine, you can't have known that would happen.
13:21It was one of Crosby's eyes bigger than the other.
13:27Don't laugh, it's not funny.
13:28I know, I know.
13:30Have a look.
13:32No, it's the same.
13:34I'm so sorry.
13:38It's okay, boy.
13:39It's okay.
13:40Maybe we should both have one of Crosby's diazepam's.
13:44I'm...
13:44Oh, I'm joking.
13:46Give it to me.
13:52You need anything else?
13:54No.
13:55Okay, well, I'll be up for ages.
13:56So if you need anything, anything at all, even if Crosby's just upset, you just come and get me.
14:02Okay.
14:04Okay?
14:06I'm right here if you need me.
14:21Hello.
14:22Sorry.
14:22Fuck.
14:23Scary.
14:24I didn't see you.
14:25Sorry.
14:26Steve here, obviously.
14:27Yeah.
14:28Yeah, your mum said I could stay.
14:30It's been a bit of a big night.
14:31Why are you under the duvet like that?
14:34Yep.
14:35Fair question.
14:37I noticed very briefly that you're not wearing trousers, so I thought this would be less awkward,
14:44but it was...
14:46Yeah.
14:46Yeah, maybe it isn't.
14:47Okay.
14:48Well, it's all right.
14:48Don't worry about it.
14:49I was just getting another drink.
14:51Do you want one?
14:53Yes, please.
15:01So, how bad was your day from one to ten?
15:04Oh, it was a strong eight.
15:08What about yours?
15:09Uh, yeah.
15:10Yeah, eight seems about right.
15:31So, why did Nancy break up with you?
15:33Oh, God.
15:35Um, okay, well, yeah, let's discuss this.
15:40Apparently, um, I didn't do anything, as in I only reacted, and also was a lazy fucker,
15:47according to her, who is not mine.
15:49Now, what about you?
15:52Um, he said that I was too emotional, and that I said sorry and I love you too much.
16:01What a shit you are.
16:02I know.
16:03How could you do that to him?
16:04Yeah.
16:05And the sad thing is, I didn't even really mean it.
16:09Like, I was just pretending to be nice and hiding all my dark shit.
16:14Clever move.
16:15I'd do that too.
16:17Definitely want to hide that.
16:20What was the final thing that pushed him over?
16:23I think I was talking about my wedding.
16:27Oh.
16:28Were you guys engaged?
16:30No.
16:31No.
16:31Um, I didn't even imagine him being there.
16:33I was mostly just thinking about the dress and the hair.
16:36Who were you marrying?
16:37No, really, I was just thinking about the dress and the hair.
16:41Well, if you ever need a stylist, free.
16:44Totally free.
16:51I can't believe you're single.
16:55If you'd seen me earlier tonight, you would absolutely believe I'm single,
16:59and will always be single.
17:01I just, I hadn't noticed it before, but you are weirdly hot.
17:07Yeah.
17:10I'm not sure about the use of the word weirdly.
17:15Weirdly.
17:15Yeah.
17:17Maybe you have a weird smell.
17:19Probably.
17:19Apparently it's all about smells.
17:36Smell really nice.
17:38That's nice.
17:45Do your eyes smell nice?
17:52Hmm.
17:54Do your eyes smell nice?
18:03Hmm.
18:17He never usually leaves this early.
18:23I can't bear it if he's angry with me.
18:24What?
18:25Why would he be angry with you?
18:30I left my bag on the floor and Crosby ate something out of it.
18:36Oh.
18:37No, I don't think so.
18:39I saw Crosby last night, seemed completely fine.
18:41And Steve's probably just a bit rattled about Mike and the funeral and stuff.
18:46You all right?
18:48Of course you're right.
18:49Of course you're right.
18:53Ah!
18:54I love that you're home.
18:57Is it selfish that I'm so happy at your back?
19:00Yes, sir.
19:01Yeah, you're right, Crosby.
19:02Sorry.
19:02Am I allowed to go and kill Yanis now?
19:05No.
19:07You do know I'd kill for you, don't you?
19:10I'd happily smoosh his smug little face.
19:15Ooh, maybe that's Steve.
19:17Oh.
19:24Hi.
19:25I'm Rome.
19:27Hi.
19:28Hi.
19:29Oh, you're Dom's Fred.
19:31Coming.
19:32Coming.
19:34My mum gets overly excited, so I'd stick to yes or no answers if I were you.
19:38And if she starts dancing, then look away.
19:46Rome, would you be angry with me if I'd almost killed your dog?
19:53Yes.
19:57I'm going to call Steve.
20:09Hey, this is Steve Wilde. Please leave a message.
20:12Okay, call me.
20:13I'm worried that you were tired and you pulled a towel too hard from your linen closet and you've been
20:18crushed underneath it.
20:19Please don't hate me.
20:20Love you.
20:21Okay, bye.
20:22Hey, this is Steve Wilde. Please leave a message.
20:25Okay, it's been over two days and now I'm worried that you're dead.
20:28Can you just text me to say you're alive?
20:30Love you.
20:31I love you, goodbye.
20:35Do you love me?
20:39Yes, I love you.
20:43And you trust me?
20:46I'm not sure.
20:49Do you know me?
20:52You don't know me.
20:57You can't trust me.
20:59I don't know.
21:08Oh.
21:10Why are you not answering your phone?
21:13I know I shouldn't have come here but I'm finding it surprisingly hard to stop thinking about you.
21:19I'm sorry.
21:20I should never have-
21:21Oh, don't apologize.
21:22I mean, that was excellent sex, was it not?
21:27Did you like it?
21:30Yeah.
21:31Yeah.
21:31Yeah.
21:31Very much.
21:32Okay.
21:33Very much.
21:34But as good as it was, we can never do it again.
21:39You're probably right.
21:41You're right.
21:42Yeah.
21:44Good.
21:45Good.
21:46Yeah.
21:50It was really good though.
21:51Oh my God, it was so good.
21:53It was so good.
21:53Some of those things I had never ever tried before.
21:56But we can't do that for your mum.
21:58No, no, no, no.
21:58I'm not saying we keep doing it.
22:01I was just replaying it in my head a little bit.
22:03Because of mum, right.
22:03But we can't do it because your mum is my guest friend.
22:06So we never tell her.
22:08Oh no.
22:09No, no.
22:10No, definitely not.
22:12Yes.
22:12I mean, yes, no, we can't.
22:15We definitely can't tell her.
22:16No.
22:16Just out of interest.
22:18If I wasn't her daughter, would you have asked me out?
22:26Yeah.
22:28Okay.
22:30Okay.
22:32Where, where would you have taken me?
22:34To eat food.
22:36I love eating food.
22:37Do you?
22:38We have so much in common.
22:39That's one of the things you would have experienced, but unfortunately you can't.
22:41Oh.
22:42So.
22:42Well, what's your favourite food?
22:44Italian.
22:44Spaghetti vangole.
22:46I love spaghetti vangole.
22:47Really?
22:48Yes.
22:48Favourite song?
22:50You won't even know the song.
22:51You're too young.
22:52But it always makes me cry.
22:54Blue skies.
22:55Willie Nelson.
22:57Blue skies shining at me.
23:00Nothing but blue skies do I see.
23:12Tell me something I won't like about you.
23:13Quick.
23:14I hate swimming.
23:14Well, I hate swimming too.
23:15So that's not good.
23:16I don't like football.
23:17I loathe it.
23:18I hate the cold.
23:18I don't like the cold either.
23:19Who likes the cold?
23:20It's too cold.
23:21I particularly like being too hot either.
23:23Ah, well, I like the heat.
23:26So we're not compatible.
23:27Yeah, no.
23:28That's good.
23:29That's good.
23:37Someone's at the door.
23:40Are you sure?
23:43Yes.
23:45You should go up.
23:47You should open it.
23:48Go.
23:51I'm coming.
23:59I'm very cross with you.
24:01Now, let me in.
24:02Because I come bearing gifts.
24:07Um.
24:09Why don't we go for a walk?
24:10Leave this here.
24:11And we'll go for a nice walk.
24:12What do you mean walk?
24:13No, no walk.
24:14Come on, fire up the telly.
24:15I've got clothes for Crosby.
24:16Wait till you see them.
24:18I've got treats for you both.
24:21Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
24:24No!
24:27What are you doing here?
24:31Are you trying to fix our fight?
24:35Oh, darling.
24:36Oh, that's so sweet.
24:38We're fine, aren't we?
24:39We're fine.
24:40Mm-hmm.
24:42I slept with Steve.
24:48Sorry?
24:50We, um...
24:52We slept together the night that Steve stood over at ours.
24:56But it's not what you think.
24:58I like him.
24:59I actually really, really like him.
25:01And I think he might like me.
25:05And I know this must hurt, Mum.
25:06I see that.
25:09But...
25:09I want to keep seeing him.
25:16That's really funny.
25:17I don't know.
25:30So the bears tested great with the under-60s, but not so well with the H12s.
25:35So we're going to go with the tangerine elastic and the peach sorbet base.
25:42Sorry.
25:44And we were thinking a lime green elastic to match the avocado.
25:48That looks like a vagina.
25:51It's an avocado.
25:53I don't think anyone's ever confused an avocado with a vagina.
25:56No.
25:56It's just a hole between two covelets.
26:00Moving on.
26:01So we're going to do two versions of this.
26:03One with streamers.
26:04One without.
26:05Party time.
26:05Party time.
26:06Sorry.
26:07Are you joking?
26:08Have a party in my pants.
26:10Oh, hello.
26:11I'm six.
26:12But if you'd like to party in my pants, that's fine.
26:15Why do we even bother making pants?
26:17You know, they could just hang upside down on the monkey bars with their hoo-hahs hanging out.
26:21Do you need a second, Alice?
26:23Nope.
26:24I'm good.
26:27And if we do go with the bears, we might go a bit lighter on the bear fur, though.
26:31Even a hot pink.
26:32Because people felt this was a bit too brown.
26:36I'll be right back.
26:37Sorry.
26:45Hi, Al.
26:46I'm so sorry.
26:47You are a piggy-eyed, big-nosed, ugly fucking pedo-loser, and I hope you fall out of your fucking
26:57window and get pierced in the heart by your railing, and that no one comes to your funeral.
27:12Which one of these says, sorry I had sex with your daughter?
27:16Yeah, maybe you should just write a letter.
27:18A letter?
27:19Oh, God.
27:20There's a lot of space to fill with a letter.
27:22You could use bubble writing.
27:25You're terrible people.
27:26No.
27:27No, I'm a terrible person.
27:28But it's not like I'm 16.
27:30I'm 26.
27:31Half my age.
27:32I've had tons of sex already.
27:33Well.
27:33That sounds really bad.
27:35I've not had like, I've not had like an insane amount of sex.
27:37I've just, I've had a regular amount of sex.
27:43I'll be sure to mention that in the letter.
27:47Ugh.
28:09There's some food left over if you want some.
28:11I already ate.
28:12Thanks.
28:17Okay.
28:18I know what I did was bad.
28:20And I'm so sorry.
28:21But can we at least talk about it?
28:26I'm just waiting until I'm a little less angry.
28:33I'm just waiting until I'm a little less angry.
28:34This is from Steve.
28:37For you.
28:56It was your best friend until a few weeks ago.
28:59Daniel is 10 years younger than you.
29:02Daniel is 10 years younger than you so it's not that different.
29:03Um.
29:04I'm just going to.
29:05Wait.
29:09Okay.
29:12Look.
29:13Mum.
29:14I know you're angry.
29:15And you have every right to be.
29:17And if you hate it we'll stop.
29:19You will.
29:21But.
29:22We really like each other.
29:25Genuinely.
29:27And.
29:28We're my favourite person in the world.
29:31So.
29:32Can you just.
29:33Can you just forgive me please.
29:35Mum.
29:35Hmm.
29:42Okay.
29:48Okay.
29:53Goodnight.
30:04I want to push her tiny hand into the disposal unit.
30:11Can I maim her?
30:13No.
30:14You know if I tell them they can't see each other she'll revel in the drama don't you?
30:19It'll be like Romeo and Juliet.
30:20Oh alas.
30:21If only men could have been together it would have been the greatest love story I've ever
30:25known to man.
30:26I'm so sorry.
30:32I blame her father.
30:35Stupid dog shit weasel of a man.
30:38He didn't know the difference between right and wrong either.
30:40I'm not sure you can blame her man you only had sex with her twice.
30:42What do you think they even talk about?
30:44I have no idea.
30:45I mean.
30:46Can you imagine her going for dinner in Richmond and going to bed at 9.45?
30:50Or him going to parties and hanging out with Trey and Zuli.
31:04Izzy can I come in?
31:09Um.
31:12You're right.
31:14We can't just ignore this.
31:16It's happening.
31:17So we might as well accept it.
31:23Really?
31:26Yep.
31:28Mum.
31:30It's really generous of you.
31:31And in the spirit of generosity I think you should invite him for dinner.
31:39What?
31:42Not too soon.
31:43No.
31:43I think we should rip the bandaid off.
31:46Normalise it as quickly as possible.
31:53You should invite some of your friends to make it less uncomfortable.
32:15You should invite some of your friends to make it less uncomfortable.
32:18No.
32:25Hey.
32:27Everything okay?
32:27I'm actually just doing a lesson.
32:29I'm buying food for tonight.
32:30What do you feed a man who's fucked your daughter?
32:33Yeah.
32:34Um.
32:35I'll make a lasagna.
32:36Okay.
32:37Or something.
32:37Yeah.
32:38Yeah.
32:39Alright.
32:39Gotta go.
32:40Bye.
32:42Sorry about that.
32:43Okay.
32:44Let's go again.
32:45Great.
32:45Great.
32:48Sorry to interrupt.
32:50Hey.
32:50I was just wondering whether you wanted to come on the Antwerp Orchestra trip.
32:53Miss Garstein can't come because of her fibroids.
32:55Uh.
32:55Sorry.
32:56I don't do trips.
32:57Why not?
32:59Should we talk about this another time?
33:01Well Vivit doesn't care.
33:02Do you Vivit?
33:07I'm the main caregiver at home.
33:10Also, it's two nights.
33:12Can she not manage two nights?
33:13She works.
33:14You work?
33:16Uh.
33:16She's the main breadwinner.
33:18So.
33:18So does she make you sleep in a dungeon chained to the wall with a ball gag in your mouth
33:21as
33:21well?
33:27Okay.
33:28Well.
33:29Um.
33:30If you change your mind, let me know.
33:31It's time to da da da da.
33:37Right.
33:38Uh.
33:38Let's.
33:38Let's.
33:39Let's go again.
33:55It's gonna be fine.
33:56Exactly.
33:57Oh.
33:57Let me know what to date your mum's best friend.
34:02Hello.
34:02Hello.
34:07Is he here yet?
34:09No, not yet mum.
34:13Oh.
34:14I was so sorry to hear about Janice.
34:17It's Janice.
34:18And I'm glad he's gone.
34:19Thanks, Granny.
34:20Nice to see you.
34:24Oh.
34:25It's Steve.
34:26I'm gonna go pick him up.
34:28He knows his way here.
34:29He's been here a thousand times.
34:30Yeah, I know.
34:31I just like to pick him up.
34:32That's all.
34:36Isn't this all terribly exciting?
34:47You do realize this is probably a trap.
34:50Or she could be trying to work it out.
34:53Yeah.
34:54Yeah.
34:55No, you're right.
34:56This is definitely a trap.
34:58Yeah.
35:00Do you think Daniel's gonna punch me?
35:02Right.
35:03As if Daniel would ever punch anyone.
35:07Maybe we could show her that this is a good thing.
35:09I like her best friend.
35:11And how nice that she already really, really loves the guy I'm dating.
35:15Hmm.
35:16Yeah.
35:18Okay.
35:20You nervous?
35:23Yeah.
35:25Terrified.
35:26Okay.
35:41God, he is so old.
35:43He looks like my dad.
35:48Hiya.
35:49Darling!
35:50Does that mean that I'm in with the chance too?
35:53You could do all three generations.
35:56A wonderfully French of you.
36:01Lovely to see you again, Val.
36:02Oh, afternoon.
36:03Oh.
36:14I'm so, so sorry.
36:16Hmm.
36:19So thoughtful.
36:25Why don't you go and join the kids?
36:30I don't want you to think that I don't know how bad this is.
36:38I'll do whatever it takes to get us back to us.
36:40There's wine in the fridge.
36:49Do you want some?
36:50No, thank you.
36:52Uh, yes?
36:54Do you want some wine?
36:54Yes, please.
37:02Hiya, I'm Steve.
37:04Uh, Zuli.
37:05Trey.
37:06Hi.
37:06And Nelson.
37:08Nelson.
37:09Ah, cool.
37:10Just fisting each other.
37:13Fist bumping.
37:14Fist bumping.
37:17How do you guys know each other?
37:19School.
37:20Cool.
37:24Cool.
37:26Cool.
37:29Dinner!
37:33Right.
37:34Steve, why don't you sit at the top of the table with Trey and Zuli.
37:39Nelson, you go on Trey's other side.
37:43Daniel will go on Zuli's.
37:44Mum, you go next to Nelson.
37:46Lovely.
37:46Izzy, you're next to Dan.
37:48And then Dom and Rome, you're at the end here with me.
37:51Yeah, the same.
37:54Oh, hi.
37:55Wow.
37:57So, does this mean that you two are an item?
37:59No.
38:00Mum?
38:01Sorry.
38:02Older people seem to be really interested in defining things.
38:05When you're young, you realise that life is fluid and defining something only limits it.
38:10Mm.
38:11Aw.
38:13So sweet.
38:15Nice.
38:17Good.
38:19Really good.
38:21So, Trey, haven't you just graduated from medical school?
38:26Yeah.
38:26What was your specialty?
38:28Surgery.
38:30Wow.
38:31Yeah.
38:31Surgery.
38:32Oh, gosh.
38:33That's very impressive.
38:36Are you seeing anyone?
38:37Yeah, yeah I am.
38:38She's a junior doctor, so it means we only get about 15 minutes together a week.
38:42But it's so lovely that you'll be in the same profession.
38:46It's such a lot of common ground.
38:48Yeah.
38:50Yeah, no, it's really nice.
38:54Steve, what did you study at university?
38:56I didn't go to uni, actually.
38:59I had already gotten into the whole hair thing.
39:02Yeah, and it's so much better to have a trade.
39:04I can't see why anyone still goes to uni.
39:05There are probably more psychologists than there are patients.
39:09So, yeah, I wish I had a proper technical skill.
39:14How did you get into hairdressing?
39:16Hairstyling.
39:16Oh, my God.
39:22My mum gave me a terrible haircut.
39:24I was meant to be going on my first date, and she literally did the bowl thing, you know.
39:28Put a bowl on my head and then trace around the shape of the bowl, but she misjudged the size
39:33of the bowl.
39:35Too small a bowl, and I ended up looking like a medieval monk.
39:38Not a hot monk, just a monk.
39:41I had to fix it.
39:42Or be shamed forever.
39:44But after that, all the other boys wanted the Steve haircut.
39:52Steve's father, oh, he hates that he cuts hair.
39:56He thinks he's gay.
39:57Mum, you can't say that.
39:59Sorry, Steve.
40:00Sorry.
40:01No, it's true.
40:02Look, I met his dad, well, tons of times.
40:06Because, you know, when we were going out with each other.
40:12He was an utter dick.
40:14No, Steve hated him too, didn't you?
40:17God, he was all so worried about his mum.
40:18I mean, that's why he never got married.
40:20Mum?
40:21Christ.
40:22What?
40:22He did get married.
40:24To Nancy.
40:25Remember?
40:26I met him successfully.
40:33Christ.
40:34No, I've forgotten to get it.
40:35I'll get any dessert.
40:36I'll be right back.
40:36I'll help you.
40:37Come on, hang on.
40:39You haven't finished your first course yet.
40:41It's okay, though, if you don't want to.
40:42I'll help.
40:47I'm really sorry about all of this, Danielle.
40:52I really like her, though.
40:54I like her very much.
40:55Which one?
40:57Izzy.
41:02Get the multi-pack of mini-magnums.
41:05Yeah.
41:06So you've got more choice.
41:12How long have you liked her?
41:14It just happened.
41:15You weren't thinking about her when we had a holiday in Portugal and all those Christmases
41:20in Norfolk?
41:20No.
41:20God, no.
41:21No.
41:23Never.
41:25I'm sorry.
41:26I'm sorry.
41:28I'm sorry.
41:28Please.
41:29Hello.
41:30Please.
41:33Hello.
41:37It's 2375.
41:52I think it's beautiful.
41:54Speaking of.
41:55Aww.
41:57God.
41:58You went, you really went poor.
42:00I said, oh, that was interesting.
42:01And then you thought, wow.
42:03Hi.
42:03Hi.
42:04What is it?
42:06Your granny likes to drink.
42:07Yeah.
42:14He's great, isn't he?
42:16What do you think?
42:17Yeah.
42:17Do you like him?
42:18Yeah, he's really nice.
42:23He's probably just been nervous, really, isn't he?
42:26Yeah.
42:26He would be nervous if he'd fucked your girlfriend's mum.
42:28Shut up.
42:30Sorry.
42:31Hmm.
42:43Don't be too upset, darling.
42:46It's what men have done since the beginning of time.
42:49Your father was the same.
42:52Why can't you just be sympathetic?
42:53Why do you also have to make a joke?
42:54It's not a joke, mum.
42:57She's not some random young woman.
42:59She's my daughter.
43:01And Steve's not your husband.
43:03He's your ex-boyfriend who's probably been in love with you for ages.
43:07And is this the closest thing he can get?
43:10Yes.
43:10I'm a younger model.
43:12I mean, if anything, it's a compliment, darling.
43:17It's not a compliment.
43:18It's disgusting.
43:20Male desire can be very blinding.
43:27Oh, goody. Magnums.
43:43Let's play Trivial Pursuit.
43:46Oh.
43:47Um, I might sit this one out.
43:49Oh.
43:50Terrible.
43:51Trivial Pursuit.
43:51I can never remember anything.
43:53Can't forget things you never knew.
43:56Let's play in pairs.
44:02Geography or history?
44:04You choose.
44:05History.
44:08In what year in England in the 1970s were the lights turned off?
44:12I can never get these English ones.
44:14I want to say 74.
44:1774.
44:1772.
44:18It was because of the miners' strike.
44:20Oh.
44:21It's so unbelievable that you all just used coal all the time.
44:24It's like, how do people not know?
44:27Steve doesn't believe in recycling.
44:30How do you not believe in recycling?
44:31No, I do.
44:33I believe in recycling.
44:35You always say that it costs more money to recycle than to not.
44:37No, no, no, no, no.
44:38I think recycling is very cool.
44:42What I may have said at one time was that sometimes it feels a little redundant when China's not doing
44:48anything.
44:49That's a bit racist.
44:50No, no.
44:51He didn't mean it like that.
44:52Just because it's...
44:53Who's our turn is it now?
44:54Who's your turn?
44:55Oh, it's Os...
44:56Is it racist?
44:57Is it right?
44:58Wow.
45:00All right.
45:00Entertainment.
45:03I don't think it was racist.
45:05What Oscar upset shocked the world in 2017?
45:10Uh, first female...
45:14First female director.
45:16They announced the wrong film.
45:18La La Land thought they got it, but it was actually Moonlight.
45:21Oh.
45:22Moonlight's a classic.
45:23Can it be a classic?
45:25Yes.
45:26I love that film.
45:27So good.
45:29Steve walked out.
45:30Said it felt like a student film.
45:32I did not walk out.
45:33I loved Moonlight.
45:34I was crying.
45:35Steve's favourite film is, um...
45:37What?
45:38Husbands and Wives.
45:39Loves Woody Allen.
45:40Ooh.
45:42What?
45:43Steve thinks he's innocent.
45:44Uh, hold on.
45:46Whoa, whoa.
45:46No.
45:47No.
45:47I never said that.
45:48I never said that.
45:50I said that we can't know for sure if he's guilty.
45:53That's different.
45:54You never know what's going on in people's personal lives, and the press can distort stories.
45:59That's all I said.
46:00It's your turn.
46:01It's your turn now.
46:02Oh.
46:03Yeah.
46:06Science and Nature?
46:08Yeah.
46:08How can you love Woody Allen?
46:13Well, his films are great.
46:15You know, Annie Hall and Husbands and Wives.
46:18No, I've never seen any of them.
46:21You guys must have seen Woody Allen films.
46:23No.
46:24Fuck no.
46:28Disgusting.
46:31Okay.
46:32Okay, I just want to be clear.
46:34Um, I have worked with some celebrities, and I've seen firsthand how the press can distort
46:39a story.
46:40Like what?
46:40Well, I'm not going to bring any up, but I see it all the time.
46:44No.
46:45Come on.
46:45Give us an example.
46:52Okay.
46:55If I tell you this, you may never, ever, ever repeat it.
47:00Because Celia Mills is the nicest person I've ever met.
47:03She's an inspiring woman.
47:04Who's Celia Mills?
47:05Oh, she's the, you know, the villain in the James Bond film?
47:08The one with the muscle?
47:09Yeah, she was in the Spike Jonze video.
47:10Yeah.
47:10She was dancing at the petrol station.
47:11You'd recognize her.
47:12You'd recognize her.
47:13So, a while back, there was a thing in the press where Celia didn't stand when
47:19Cate Blanchett won the BAFTA, and they all said it was jealousy.
47:22Yeah.
47:23It wasn't jealousy.
47:26I could tell something was wrong immediately.
47:28The camera was close on her face because she was also a nominee.
47:33Her face was sort of contorted into this twisted smile.
47:43She wasn't jealous.
47:47She'd shat herself.
47:49She'd eaten a dodgy prawn mess at the nominee's lunch.
47:53I rushed in with a towel, covered it up.
47:56We made out like she'd torn her dress.
47:58It was a mess.
47:59It was a mess.
48:00She was mortified.
48:01I was the only person who knew.
48:04I've never told anyone this.
48:06Wait, wait.
48:06Who else do you do?
48:07So, Amy of Sex Education, Dua Lipa, Jessie J, Charlie XCX, anyone with letters as a name.
48:14But cutting someone's hair is, it's a really intimate thing.
48:19You know?
48:20It is.
48:21I feel like they've given me their trust.
48:24And what I try to give them back is just the confidence in themselves to get out there and do
48:31what they dreamed of doing.
48:34You know?
48:35You know, it's not just, it's not just the liberties.
48:38It's the same for the, for the homeless people who are help out on the weekends with the grooming stuff.
48:43If I can give someone just a little bit of self-confidence, a little bit of self-respect that the
48:49world is constantly trying to take from them.
48:52Sorry.
48:52Sorry.
49:00I just have to borrow Steve for a moment.
49:02Um, it won't be long, so just carry on without us.
49:12They loved you.
49:13Knew they would.
49:15Oh, where are we going?
49:16No, we have to go, we have to go down.
49:19We have to go down.
49:19We have to go down right now.
49:22Sorry.
49:22Piers, you are so attractive.
49:24It is a medical imperative that I kiss you right now.
49:28We should have kept him down.
49:30Your mum will be going out of him.
49:32She can wait.
49:33She just spent the whole evening belittling you.
49:35I think it's only fair that we torture her a little bit.
49:42I think that's right.
49:47In Egyptian hieroglyphs, the symbol of the decorated eye most commonly depicts the eye of which god?
49:54Um, Horus, son of Osiris and Isis.
49:57That's absolutely correct.
49:58You know everything.
50:00I know.
50:01I do.
50:02What number am I thinking of?
50:05Seven.
50:16Here we go.
50:18Edison's electric pen became the inspiration for which modern-day tool?
50:24The tattoo gun?
50:26Yeah.
50:30Sorry, um, are you both completely fucking stupid?
50:33So, um, you honestly think it's okay to go upstairs and have sex in my house?
50:43We didn't.
50:44She's only sleeping with you because she got dumped two minutes ago.
50:47She clearly has some weird daddy complex about her absent father,
50:51and he's only sleeping with you because he's a sad old man,
50:55and you probably remind him of me, which is...
50:59Oh, fuck it.
51:02Wow.
51:08Wow, that's really lovely, Mum. Thanks.
51:11So there's nothing he likes about me.
51:15Okay.
51:16Let's go.
51:17Let's just, yeah.
51:21He's not, he's not even good at sex.
51:23Let's, let's, let's just...
51:24That's why I broke up with him.
51:25Yeah, but...
51:26Because he was...
51:27Shit in bed.
51:28He's amazing at sex.
51:29I love having sex with him.
51:30Let's, let's all calm down.
51:31Phew.
51:32Daniel to the rescue.
51:33Oh, why didn't I think of that?
51:35What we need to do is not say or do anything at all.
51:40Oh, that's perfect.
51:42Oh, stop.
51:42Everyone's upset.
51:43Oh, you're asking...
51:45Oh, coward.
51:46Daniel, why aren't you saying anything?
51:48Oh, what?
51:49Uh, because she's not your kid, she doesn't count.
52:01You were such a bitch.
52:07Oh, thank you for having us.
52:08Yes, thank you so much.
52:10I think I'm gonna come in as well.
52:11I'll, I'll, I'll walk you.
52:13Don't, I'm fine.
52:14You stay.
52:17Thanks, Mum.
52:19That was really great.
52:25Well...
52:35That was incredibly mean.
52:39Now sometimes, Alice, your impulsivity is so selfish.
52:42It's...
52:44It's like you don't realise the rest of us are making any effort at all.
52:48I've been invited to go on a school trip to Antwerp.
52:53I think I'm going to go.
53:32I don't know as many people.
53:35I don't know as many people.
53:35I think it was a lass boy.
53:35It's going interesting.erapia
53:37andal reality. Was that
53:41the talk girl where I talk. A lot
53:45of pumps did this. Well,
53:46no helped me. So,
53:48ever than that, I thought, I was going to run this effort.
53:58Hi, Alice.
53:59Hi, Jane.
54:01Sorry to call so late.
54:03I just wondered, are you still working on the news desk?
54:08I've got a celebrity story for you.
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