- 11 minutes ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Let's give it up one more time for the birthday girl, Elle Woods!
00:05Previously on Elle.
00:07We have something important we want to talk to you about.
00:10Elle, we're moving to Seattle.
00:14I know it's scary, but this is just going to be our new home for a little while.
00:21I'm Elle. Did someone put you up to the side?
00:27Oh!
00:28Oh, sorry.
00:30Are you okay?
00:31Yeah.
00:32Seattle isn't a costume.
00:34And Pink isn't a personality.
00:35Did you make any friends?
00:37Does the school secretary count?
00:39It's a great jumping off point.
00:40I don't feel like I really speak the same language as anyone here.
00:43Get fluent in Seattle.
00:45This is money going directly into Donna's pocket.
00:48And into the pocket of dozens of other Donnas at this school.
00:5130.
00:54Donna! Donna! Donna!
00:55Oh, you didn't hear?
00:56Your little stunt yesterday got Donna fired.
01:22Oh, I love your boots, Elle.
01:24Thanks, they're waterproof.
01:26Not that we have to worry about that here.
01:29Oh, my God, Elle.
01:31You look so tan.
01:33It is L.A. after all.
01:36Ariel!
01:40Hot Josh, you're looking fairy.
01:43Hot?
01:44Precisely.
01:46There she is.
01:47Oh, Elle, you make high school look so easy.
01:52Let's go!
01:54Elle Woods!
02:04Donna?
02:07What are you doing in Bel Air?
02:14Seattle?
02:21I wish we could wake up from this nightmare, Bruiser.
02:24I'm only happy when it rains.
02:28I'm only happy when it's complicated.
02:32I know, I know you can't appreciate it.
02:36I'm only happy when it rains.
03:03You'll want to hear about my new obsession.
03:08I'm rising high upon a deep depression.
03:12I'm only happy when it rains.
03:15I'm only happy when it rains.
03:18I'm only happy when it rains.
03:22Oh.
03:24Don't you...
03:25No.
03:26No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
03:27Wait, baby, wait!
03:29And that would be the third chair this week.
03:31You have to toss it with the others.
03:32I'm sorry.
03:33We're throwing out our furniture?
03:34Our furniture that we rented?
03:36Honey, you're shaming him.
03:38If anything, Bruiser's given us a perfect excuse to redecorate.
03:44Didn't he, Daddy?
03:46Grandfather, where did we land with that?
03:48I'm not sure, but thanks, buddy.
03:51If our little baby won't tinkle outside in Seattle,
03:54I'll just have to bring L.A. to him like I did for Mama L's room.
03:58I'm thinking real grass, doggy pool, heat lamp.
04:02I think they sell soil at the Farmer's Market Co-op.
04:05How many of those words are made up?
04:06A co-op.
04:07It's like a Bristol Farms under a tent.
04:09Dad, you're home.
04:12People in Seattle don't want nose jobs?
04:15Turns out people in Seattle like all kinds of noses.
04:17Even their own.
04:19Wow.
04:19Things will pick up once grunge runs its course.
04:23Did you sleep okay, sweetie?
04:25You have a slight case of the Birkins.
04:27Are you still upset about that secretary getting let go?
04:31Of course.
04:32It's awful.
04:33Donna was such a kind person.
04:34She didn't deserve this.
04:36Wasn't she caught embezzling funds and forging documents?
04:40I mean, Al Capone was arrested for less.
04:42But her heart was in the right place.
04:43The court of public opinion wanted to hang your old man not too long ago.
04:47If you want to throw her a bone, I'd be happy to put a call in to our crisis manager.
04:50The one that convinced you to move to the city God Angucci forgot.
05:13Yeah.
05:14Yeah, we'll be there.
05:17Good morning, Kimberly.
05:19Happy Monday, pink slip.
05:21Oh, this isn't a slip.
05:22It's more of an alpaca tweed.
05:24She doesn't get it.
05:25Of course she doesn't.
05:27Anyway, per Donna's unjust termination, I thought maybe we could rally the student body
05:33and do something nice in her honor.
05:35For example, when the Oscars snubbed Angelica Houston for the Addams Family Values,
05:39my friends and I collected money for a chimp sanctuary.
05:42I don't think she's kidding.
05:45Elle, I'm sure Angelica Houston loved knowing that you and your friends found a way to make
05:49her award season all about you.
05:52But wouldn't the best way to honor Donna have been not getting her fired in the first place?
05:58Basically, no one wants to be seen with you.
06:00Yeah, she gets it, Katie.
06:01Anyway, I'm going to go honor Donna by being really bummed,
06:04and you can go do whatever you need to do to make this all about you.
06:23Elle, I just got your emergency page.
06:26187?
06:26Does that mean bad haircut, or are you being held at gunpoint?
06:30I don't make everything about me, do I?
06:33Of course not.
06:34Hey, you're notoriously bad at accepting a compliment.
06:37It's one of your most endearing qualities.
06:39Stop.
06:40Wait.
06:42Why aren't you at school?
06:43Oh, there was an earthquake this morning.
06:45Oh my god, you should have 187 me.
06:47It wasn't bad, it just, it messed with our collective chi.
06:52I miss earthquakes.
06:53My dad's new girlfriend is using it as an excuse to have me chauffeur her around all day,
06:57so now I'm waiting outside the polo lounge like some kind of pause.
07:04I just found a way to get you home.
07:07Cosmo's doing a semester-long internship in LA.
07:10Oh my god.
07:11My parents would have to let me move back or something like that.
07:14I'd be a shun at CULA.
07:15You could live in our pool house.
07:17You know that singer that my dad thinks is going to be the next big thing?
07:20She just moved out.
07:21Christina Ague Chile or something.
07:24Okay, tell me how to win immediately.
07:26Okay, I think you just need to choose from a few of these essay prompts.
07:31Oh, here.
07:33Cosmo girls get knocked down, but they get up again.
07:36When things get bad, how would you stage your comeback?
07:41How do you stage a comeback?
07:43I think you just have kids or go on SNL.
07:46I'm a virgin, and I can't wait until Saturday.
07:50I could write about Donna's comeback.
07:52I can help her get rehired.
07:54She really deserves a second chance here.
07:58Wait, but isn't that kind of hard?
07:59Sure, Elle was.
08:01I've seen you open six cans of Fanta without breaking one acrylic nail.
08:05I did do that.
08:08Okay, I can do this.
08:10I'll get Donna her job back, crush his essay, and put Seattle in my rearview.
08:15Let's get you home, Elle.
08:17No.
08:18I miss Carpet Mart being uncool.
08:20Once Lane's daily road through, it was game over.
08:23I'm so sorry, Liz.
08:25If I hear of anybody selling tickets, I'll let you know.
08:30I'd ask you what Carpet Mart is, but I assume you're mad at me, too.
08:33I actually didn't even notice you.
08:35Which, I don't know, is that worse?
08:37Under normal circumstances, yes.
08:39But with everyone hating me because of the whole Donna thing, invisibility is a welcome change.
08:45The Donna thing?
08:46Getting her fired.
08:48But worry not.
08:49This is just the origin story of Donna's epic comeback.
08:52I have ideas to get Donna rehired.
08:54Not number three.
08:56She hates bowling.
08:57Weird that she hates fun for the whole family, but good to know.
09:01And who is Judge Judy Scheindlund?
09:05Only the most brilliant family court judge in Manhattan.
09:08She just needs a better platform to showcase her talents.
09:11But you're right.
09:13She's probably busy.
09:16Okay.
09:17People, today we are talking mice and we're talking men.
09:22We are talking of mice and men.
09:26The book is boring.
09:27Can we read something more not boring?
09:30Well, this boring book was deemed a critical part of your junior year curriculum by the Washington
09:35State Board of Education.
09:38So if you really have an issue with it, I don't know, start a petition or something.
09:43That's perfect.
09:45Mr. Nichols, you're brilliant.
09:53Okay.
09:54Of mice and men.
09:55Yet another example of why California sucks.
09:59You're supposed to be learning things here.
10:01When did you have time to do this?
10:03Technically, I didn't do it.
10:04I gave one of the cheerleaders on my liquid black eyeliner to collect signatures from our
10:08classmates because I needed a proxy as a result of no one liking me here.
10:11Okay, okay, okay.
10:12And you think a few signatures are going to get Donna her job back?
10:15These 117 signatures embody our unified voice.
10:19A testament to her unwavering resolve that injustice will not be tolerated.
10:23Sure, Donna broke a few rules.
10:26But it was all in the interest of helping people.
10:28She was caught stealing money.
10:30She bought a starving kid lunch with petty cash.
10:33Caleb is not starving.
10:35His parents are going through a divorce.
10:37And sometimes things like lunch money get lost in the shuffle.
10:40Well, thank goodness for Donna then.
10:43You recognize I'm an adult, right?
10:47Did your last school have any sense of authority?
10:50All sparkly clean.
10:51I left your car in your spot.
10:54The detailing guy found this jacket under your passenger seat.
10:57Ah, thank you, Miss Martindale.
11:01Principal Anderson, while I do love a bold citrus,
11:05I'm not sure orange suede maximizes the potential of your complexion.
11:09It's my wife's.
11:10Oh, you mean that stone-cold fox pretending to like sports?
11:14Not pretending.
11:15Born and raised mariners junkie,
11:16and flattery is not going to get Donna her job back.
11:19Get to class.
11:19Well, Principal Anderson, Donna deserves a second chance here.
11:22Even if I agreed with you, it's too late.
11:24She's working at Pike Place Market now.
11:27Donna already found a new job?
11:29She's not coming back, Elle.
11:31Get to class.
11:53Order!
11:54Salmon!
11:54Hey-oh!
12:03Donna, I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to,
12:06and that you have easy access to a boning knife,
12:09but I'm really, really sorry you got fired.
12:13Oh, thanks, Elle, but there's nothing to be sorry about.
12:18Do I wish you hadn't shared my tricks of the trade with the entire student body?
12:21Yes, but they are my tricks, and I got to own them.
12:25This is exactly why I started a petition, in your honor,
12:28arguing you were a victim of injustice and served your job back.
12:31You started a petition?
12:32Mm-hmm.
12:33117 signatures strong.
12:35But Principal Anderson was impressively unmoved.
12:37He's such a stickler.
12:39No, Elle, you shouldn't be trying to fix this with him.
12:42You're right.
12:43We need to go higher.
12:44Like the school superintendent.
12:46I have a Jackie-esque suit skirt.
12:47I have been dying to mobilize.
12:49No, Elle.
12:50Stop trying to help me with anybody.
12:54You don't want to keep working here, do you?
12:56Of course not.
12:58I hate this place.
13:00A raccoon followed me home last night.
13:04But I will be fine.
13:05And you've got enough going on without worrying about me,
13:07so take care of yourself.
13:09Like, seriously, now.
13:11Duck.
13:12Order!
13:12Salmon!
13:27Salmon!
13:39Woods, comma, Elle?
13:42Hi, I'm Shannon Walker, chair of the social committee.
13:46Well, the only member of the social committee.
13:48Are you okay?
13:49Sorry.
13:50I forgot what it was like to receive eye contact.
13:53Well, I'm here to officially welcome you to Rain Your West High
13:55with this gift basket.
13:56I would have given it to you last week,
13:58but I was in the city visiting FIT.
14:00As in the Fashion Institute of Technology?
14:03Finally, someone's heard of it.
14:06I love Seattle, but our style's kind of lacking.
14:10Anyway, I'm applying for early admission.
14:13Being a senior is so stressful.
14:15Are you real?
14:17You'll find some super cute spirit wear,
14:20some local beans,
14:21and a book from a Seattle-based author.
14:23I didn't even know this school had spirit to wear.
14:26I couldn't have curated this better myself.
14:28Full disclosure, the Seattle-based author is my mom.
14:31Zero press to read.
14:32Anyway, well...
14:33I got Donna fired.
14:36Oh, my God, I don't know why you said that.
14:38I think I'm coming down with the case of the Marlinas.
14:40I love days, too!
14:42Oh, my God, twinsies!
14:44But you should have all the facts about me
14:46before you decide how you feel.
14:47I've actually already heard.
14:49Donna was the best, but I don't blame you.
14:51You don't?
14:52No, I'm a feminist,
14:53which means I support women's rights and women's wrongs.
14:59Anyway, got ahead,
15:00but the sun's never gone, Elle.
15:02She's just pumping herself up behind a cloud.
15:05Bies!
15:07Bies!
15:14Hey, let me help you with that.
15:16Miles, hi.
15:17Hey.
15:18Thanks.
15:19Yeah.
15:20So you don't hate me either?
15:23Should I hate you?
15:25Preferably not.
15:26Okay, settled.
15:27I will continue not hating you.
15:34Next.
15:35Oh, the vegetarian option, please.
15:41Great.
15:44I know what you're thinking.
15:45Of course, the L.A. girl's a vegetarian.
15:47But factory farming's a major contributor to global warming.
15:51Plus, baby cows are really cute.
15:53Agreed.
15:55Unfortunately, my cross-country coach does not.
15:59Now, last school didn't have a cross-country team,
16:01I don't think.
16:02Is that the one where you ski and then shoot a gun?
16:07Uh, it's running.
16:10You just run.
16:12Well, I don't run, but I do walk with conviction.
16:21What?
16:22Uh, nothing.
16:26Hey, are you going to Carpet Mart on Saturday?
16:28Okay, what is Carpet Mart?
16:31It's not actually about carpet.
16:33I mean, it is, but it's not.
16:36Okay, that really clears things up.
16:39Yo, Miles.
16:40Over here.
16:41Uh.
16:42Anyway, you were saying about Saturday
16:44and inquiring about my potential availability.
16:46I'm sorry.
16:48I gotta run.
16:50Uh.
16:51Deal with conviction.
16:53Enjoy your bun.
16:54I will.
16:55I'll get you up.
17:12Shannon!
17:15And Kimberly.
17:17Hi.
17:19Hi.
17:21Hi.
17:22Hi.
17:23Hi.
17:23Hi.
17:34Why, yes, you are more than welcome to sit here.
17:37Thanks for asking.
17:38I don't understand.
17:39Did I misread Shannon Walker's celestial aura?
17:41I didn't get a gift basket when I started here.
17:44She's kind, underdemental, fashion forward.
17:47She's everything I thought was missing from this high school.
17:50Thanks.
17:51How could she be friends with someone like Kimberly?
17:55Who is obviously relishing my fall from grace?
17:59I think you're overestimating how much people liked you before this.
18:03Besides, Kimberly's not mean around Shannon.
18:06She's the Picasso of being two-faced.
18:08She's also Shannon's guard dog, so good luck getting past her.
18:17See, now you're just staring.
18:19I might look back.
18:27You got this.
18:28Yes.
18:29Just look right there.
18:31Right there.
18:32Two steps over.
18:36I don't get it.
18:37He just stands there.
18:39Come on, Bruiser.
18:40Glam will model this after the Beverly Wilshire.
18:43It's like you're a pretty woman.
18:44Except you kiss on the lips.
18:50Oh, the upstairs guest room with the warmer daylight.
18:55Wait, are you refurnishing the entire house?
19:00At first, I resisted because it felt so permanent, but isn't it already feeling more awesome?
19:08And get this.
19:09As I was power walking, I spotted a fabulous gay couple driving a Corvette and a woman walking a border
19:15collie, and you know what that means.
19:17What?
19:18Our neighborhood is the perfect combination of socially liberal and fiscally conservative.
19:23So we basically moved to cloudy Brentwood.
19:26Yeah.
19:27I'm thinking of hosting a little housewarming party to get to know the community.
19:32Speaking of community building, my classmate's mom wrote a book, and she's having an event tonight.
19:38Oh, wow.
19:38Yeah.
19:40Shannon's the first person I've connected with here.
19:42She basically radiates positivity.
19:45And you've always told me optimism, like bone structure, is genetic.
19:50We should go.
19:51Oh.
19:54I don't know, Elle.
19:55I don't love the color story of that book cover.
20:00But, you know, likes to go to book readings.
20:04People who can't afford TVs.
20:06People who like being invited to housewarming.
20:10And then it hit me.
20:12I couldn't run from my past.
20:15Instead, like the mountains before me, I had to traverse it.
20:18Because sometimes the route to the top isn't the most direct.
20:22It zigs.
20:23And it sags.
20:25But the struggle made me who I am.
20:35She has such a way with words.
20:37Very pocketed.
20:38I felt like I was being wrongfully evicted right alongside her.
20:42Yes.
20:43Wow.
20:44Let's go get our copies.
20:48So nice to meet you, Sierra.
20:51And there's bubbles.
20:53Elle, we should really have books read to us more often.
20:55I know.
20:56Elle!
20:57She is!
20:58Oh, yeah.
20:58Hi.
20:59Hi.
21:00That was amazing.
21:02Your mom rocks.
21:03And climbs them, too.
21:04Apparently.
21:05I can't believe you came.
21:06Nobody at school ever comes to these kinds of things.
21:09I mean, it's a book reading, not carpet mark.
21:11But still.
21:11Are you going tomorrow?
21:14Totally.
21:15I definitely know what that is.
21:18I love carpet.
21:19I always thought rugs were phoning it in.
21:22Elle, you're so funny.
21:23And so stylish.
21:25I wouldn't wear those cute suede boots outside, though.
21:27Oh, these are ultra suede.
21:28Faux suede that is animal and cruelty-free.
21:30And waterproof.
21:31Oh, thank God.
21:32Because Seattle women don't wear suede.
21:33Everyone knows you can't wear soft leather in a city that rains 160 days a year.
21:37Even I know that.
21:38I'm not even from Seattle.
21:42Oh, Prince Will Anderson's having an affair.
21:47Oh, my God.
21:49Ew.
21:49How do you know this?
21:50So yesterday, I was in his office, and I commented on an orange suede jacket he claimed was his wife's.
21:55And I thought, it's a bad color match for a redhead.
21:58But who am I to judge?
21:59And then he said she had gone to every Mary Nurse game since she was a toddler, which means she
22:04was born and raised in Seattle.
22:05And Seattle women don't wear suede.
22:07The jacket must belong to some other woman.
22:09Why else would he lie?
22:09Exactly.
22:10Oh, this is perfect.
22:11I can use this as leverage to get Donna out of that job that she hates.
22:14Oh, my God.
22:15I love the way you talk.
22:16You have to let me help.
22:17Seriously?
22:18It won't be easy, though.
22:19To be honest, I've never used the word leverage before in my life.
22:24Marlena and John went up against a literal demon.
22:26How hard could it be to get Donna's drop back?
22:28True.
22:29You're so smart.
22:30Live, laugh, love.
22:33Oh, it's profound.
22:36And speaking of profound, this is my Elle.
22:41Oh, it is so nice of you both to come.
22:45LA women are so friendly.
22:46You and Shannon must come over for drinks sometime.
22:49I make a killer cocktail.
22:51And mocktail.
22:52It's true.
22:53So, her heavy petting on the beach is to die for.
22:55We would love that.
22:57Oh, mind if we head out?
22:58I need your advice on how to handle a juicy piece of intel.
23:01Sure.
23:02I just wanted to tell Robin.
23:05Your book reminded me so much of my husband's botched nose job.
23:10My book on systemic discrimination?
23:12I'm sure you read about it.
23:14The coverage was awful.
23:15Post headline was clever, but article itself lacked all journalistic integrity.
23:20Anyway, there we were, at rock bottom, faced with a choice.
23:25We could crawl into a hole and die, or we could sig and zag our way to a new city
23:33with a fresh start, and here we are, surviving.
23:41That sounds harrowing.
23:43Robin, it was.
23:45Well, I'm glad you enjoyed the book, Eva.
23:48I loved it.
23:50Mom, there's a line forming behind us.
23:53Thanks.
23:55Bye, ladies.
23:56Bye.
23:56Bye.
23:57Bye.
23:58Bye.
24:00Bye.
24:09I want to suffocate myself.
24:12I mean, the book was rough, but that last third was so uplifting.
24:18Mom compared your botched surgery to Robin getting kicked out of her house.
24:22Ah.
24:24Well, in her defense, I don't think your mom's known many activist-turned-adventurers-turned-spoken-word artists.
24:30Wow.
24:31You really did read the book.
24:33Again, a lot of free time here.
24:35I love Mom, but I wish I brought you instead.
24:40Oh, embarrassing!
24:42I mean, everyone already thinks I'm the self-centered L.A. girl, and now the one person who's open to
24:48getting to know me thinks it, too.
24:49Well, it's not the first time your mom's over-involved herself.
24:53I think she's just looking to connect with people.
24:56Yeah, well, it's hereditary.
24:57And not in the good cheekbones way.
25:00If I hadn't over-involved myself by trying to connect with people in that school auction, I wouldn't be in
25:07this situation.
25:08Perhaps, but maybe there's some good news for you about this terrible hereditary condition.
25:13Doubtful.
25:14Your mom never stays down for long, and she has more friends than anyone I've ever met.
25:19And so do you.
25:21Yeah.
25:26Actually, I need your help with something.
25:33I need your help with something.
25:54Hi!
25:56Kay, are you stalking me?
25:57Because this is starting to feel like stalking.
25:59We don't exactly make it hard to find you when the only clothing you own is bad vibrations and paraphernalia.
26:04That's called victim blaming, and it's not the only clothing I own.
26:10Whatever.
26:14Is this you?
26:15I didn't know you were a musician.
26:16She's not.
26:17Shut up, Todd.
26:18She's only sold one copy.
26:20Hey, shut up, Todd.
26:21I'm saying, sometimes.
26:24My mom says it looks good on a college application.
26:27What are your top choices?
26:29Oberlin?
26:31Juilliard?
26:33Berkeley with an E?
26:35Uh, Seattle Community College.
26:37Oh, that's great.
26:38You know, Terry Hatcher went to community college.
26:40Okay, why are you here?
26:41Um, so, I actually found out that Carpet Mart is a carpet store that inexplicably turns into a music venue
26:49at night.
26:50The carpets help with acoustics, obviously.
26:54Because the idea of using a venue originally designed for music is a pose or move.
26:59See?
27:00I'm getting this.
27:02Anyway, I thought maybe we could go together.
27:08Okay, um, so, tonight is the kick-off show for Bob's Your Uncle's Pacific Northwest Tour.
27:14Or, like, the next big thing in grunge.
27:16It's totally sold out.
27:17Oh.
27:18Nothing's ever really sold out.
27:21Seriously.
27:22I asked my dad to get us tickets.
27:24He can do anything.
27:27300 square feet of cut-and-loop berber, and that is my final offer.
27:31Hello?
27:33Hello?
27:35Honey, our floors are perfect now.
27:38My rug guy took us on that full texture journey.
27:40I remember, and I agree.
27:42It looks great.
27:42I'm on a different mission.
27:44Elle's asked me to help her get into some sold-out concert.
27:49Elle asked you to get her tickets?
27:51She probably saw how busy you were with the house and didn't want to bother you.
27:55You're being sweet.
27:58I embarrassed her.
27:59Well, all I got her was a VIP pass to a carpet convention in Tukwila.
28:07Okay.
28:09For music-related inquiries, including tickets and events, we call Simon Ledoux.
28:14Got it.
28:15Simon Ledoux.
28:19Madison's dad.
28:20Mm-hmm.
28:21He's produced more albums than Rick Rubin.
28:24I may have been a little checked out back at home, huh?
28:27A little.
28:30Please bring me my Rolodex and a dry martini.
28:43So, just to be clear, once we're inside, I will be ditching you.
28:46Oh, okay.
28:47Well, I appreciate your cut-to-itiveness.
28:49I'll just huddle with Shannon and figure out how to get Donna her job back.
28:53Next.
29:06Trust system.
29:08I'm sure this is fine.
29:10Uh, I thought Donna asked you to stop pestering Anderson.
29:13Oh.
29:14She was just looking out for me.
29:16But once she sees the terrifying blackmail note I crafted using letters from Old House Weekly,
29:20she's gonna...
29:21Wait, how'd you know Donna asked me to stop pestering Anderson?
29:26Shannon!
29:27Hi!
29:27Hog, it's Hog.
29:28Boyfriend's at will call.
29:29Oh.
29:30What's up, pink slip?
29:34Why are you here with the chick who got your mom fired?
29:38Wait, what?
29:39I'm not.
29:43What's wrong, Elle?
29:44You look like you've seen a chipped manicure.
29:47Burn.
29:49Liz!
29:56Hey, since when is Donna your mom?
30:00Since birth.
30:02Why didn't you tell me?
30:03Because you never asked.
30:05Well, that's not fair.
30:07I haven't asked anyone who their parents are in Seattle.
30:09And Elle only knows because he knew.
30:11We live out of district, okay?
30:13My mom just told me that me going to our school hinges on her working there,
30:17which means I should have gotten kicked out when she did.
30:20But Anderson was willing to fudge the paperwork to keep me enrolled.
30:24He can do that?
30:25He did do that.
30:27So if you start accusing him of cheating via what I assume is a sparkly pink ransom note on my
30:32mom's behalf,
30:32I'm pretty sure I'd get kicked out too.
30:34I don't want you to get kicked out.
30:36And please, just give up.
31:08I don't want you to get kicked out.
31:13You look like you're having fun.
31:17Everything just feels backwards here.
31:20You are from a city that pays TV doctors more than real ones.
31:23I mean, I try to be charitable, but I just keep people fired.
31:28I try to get Donna to drop back, but that's just making things worse.
31:31But Principal Anderson fudges paperwork and cheats on his wife, and he's a freaking hero.
31:35What do you mean, fudges paperwork?
31:37I don't know.
31:37I didn't exactly catch the details amidst my existential crisis.
31:40And he's doing something shady?
31:42Because I always thought there was something deeper going on with the underpaid support stuff.
31:44I want to give up!
31:50I've never said that before.
31:53Those words have never entered my mind.
31:56What?
31:57No.
31:58No, this place will not change me.
32:00Cosmogirls are down, but not out.
32:03Hellwoods doesn't give up.
32:06She doesn't.
32:09Okay.
32:10What are you doing?
32:12Getting you out of your head!
32:13I'm on wedges!
32:21This doesn't seem sanitary.
32:25Hey, where are you going?
32:27Hey, Jill!
32:32I dare you to have fun!
32:34What you do to me, it might be better than what you do to me!
32:39Take a try, your first time!
32:41Sorry, this is too aggressive!
32:42And a Polaroid!
32:44Take a go, unless you're gonna go!
32:46And then I'll see you later at the Y'all ain't your show!
32:49Walking all around!
32:52All that merry-go-round!
32:54Just find and know where to go!
32:57I'm on the way!
32:58Watch!
33:03I'm on the way!
33:14On the way!
33:19I'm on the way!
33:24I can see you next call!
33:26Audrey!
33:26I'm on the way!
33:28And you guys have fun now!
33:46Okay, uh, heights?
33:49Five-three.
33:52And kitten heels.
33:57Miles. Miles, this is so nice, but you can go. Like, seriously, please go.
34:02I can't, actually. You could be concussed.
34:04Fine.
34:06On the drive over here, you claimed your favorite color was charcoal.
34:09I did not say that. Did I say that?
34:14Just testing your short-term memory. You passed.
34:20Ow.
34:21Let me see.
34:30Mom, Mom, I'm here. I'm here.
34:33Oh, my God.
34:35Oh, I'm sorry.
34:38I am fine.
34:39Are you okay? Do you know who I am?
34:42What's your middle name?
34:42I am fine. It's just a bump.
34:44Honey, what were you thinking?
34:48Sweetie, people die in mosh pits every day.
34:52Well, here I am. Alive.
34:55And who is that handsome young gentleman who seems very concerned about your well-being?
35:00He's just a friend.
35:03She's going to make it.
35:06Thanks.
35:09And thank you for helping.
35:11Oh, yeah.
35:12Okay. See you later.
35:14See you.
35:19The minute I heard the venue was called Carpet Mart, I knew the night would end in the ER.
35:27Wait, you got me the tickets?
35:30Oh, sweetie.
35:31Your dad may be spending more time in the kitchen, but that doesn't mean he suddenly knows how to cook.
35:39I'm glad you're here.
35:46So, about my performance at Robbins the other night, I probably should have just said I liked the book instead
35:54of, you know, comparing discrimination to a bad news job.
36:00I get it.
36:01You're just trying to connect with people.
36:05Well, it's been really hard here.
36:08I've never not been like this before.
36:11I hate it.
36:13Okay.
36:14Let me let you in on a little something.
36:16High school is hard for everyone, no matter where you live.
36:22But you are going to win over this entire city before you know it.
36:28Let me grab those tarts.
36:29Ten percent off any procedure at my husband's plastic surgery practice if you can get my daughter seen ASAP.
36:35We don't take bribes here.
36:38Of course not.
36:39And you shouldn't.
36:40Just in case you change your mind.
36:42He can do anything.
36:50Was that necessary?
36:52Yeah.
36:53Long line, sweetie.
36:55And she's going to be back.
37:00I set out to help an underserved community member with her comeback and discovered I was in need of my
37:06own.
37:07But comebacks don't happen overnight.
37:10They're hard.
37:11There will be times where it will feel like everything's against you and you'll be tempted to give up.
37:17But you just can't.
37:24Because Cosmo girls are strong.
37:28And strong people fight.
37:34Pause the noggin.
37:37Oh, I'll live.
37:39Wish I could say the same for my family with dysentery.
37:42I should have never afforded the river.
37:44Did you ever find that friend you were looking for?
37:47I didn't.
37:49But I may have potentially made a new one in the process.
37:52See?
37:53Seattle can't keep Al Woods down for long.
37:58Oh, someone named Shannon's on the phone.
38:01Dad!
38:02What?
38:03Lead with that.
38:04Oh.
38:11Shannon!
38:12Hi.
38:12Al, I heard you took a major one to the head.
38:15Are you okay?
38:16Oh, yeah, I did.
38:17It was pretty...
38:19major.
38:21But I'll survive.
38:22Of course you will.
38:23They make them tough in L.A.
38:25Oh, um, so that Principal Anderson thing.
38:29Turns out I got a bad tip.
38:31I'm dropping it.
38:34I think Donna prefers it that way, too.
38:36Uh, probably for the best.
38:38I will continue to picture Anderson as a sexless Ken doll.
38:41With no parks.
38:42Shame it, let's go!
38:43Anyway, we're leaving.
38:44Glad you're okay, Al.
38:45Bye!
38:47Bye!
38:48Bye!
39:14Bye!
39:15Bye!
39:16Bye!
39:32Bruiser! You did it! Outside! Look, he's getting the hang at Seattle after all.
39:46It's my turn in a minute, don't put my message in. Five minutes in the closet with you. He's in
39:58a bunch of movies, really stupid movies. It's not entirely his fault, you can't control it all.
40:06I am not afraid, I can hardly wait. Truth or dare, I don't care. Tell the truth, I dare you.
40:15Five minutes in the closet with you.
40:21Oh, five minutes in the closet with you.
40:32Spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again.
40:52Spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around
41:02again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin
41:02around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again,
41:03spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around
41:03again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin
41:03around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again,
41:03spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around
41:03again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin around again, spin
41:05around again, spin around again, spin around again
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