They Didn't Believe I Was Being Stalked | A Story Of An Obsession - video Dailymotion

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Today's guest is Mary Gemmer, who will tell us about her stalker story. Mary was a single mother of three when she began dating a high school coach. But to her surprise, he turned out to be a manipulator, and when they broke up, he stalked her for years, but no one believed her.   #survivalstory #truecrime   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00I'm Mary and this is how I survived a stalker. I ended up getting married at 19 and I had

00:07three

00:08children by the time I was 21 and I ended up being divorced by the time I was 22. I

00:13was a single mom

00:14of three kids. My oldest son, he started playing football in middle school. That is where I met my

00:21stalker. The name I'm giving my stalker is Joe. He was my son's middle school football coach.

00:27At that point, it was still a coach parent relationship, but in early 2007, I ran into him

00:35after a night out with my friends. We clicked and we started dating at that point. At the time,

00:41he had told me he was living in his wife's basement so he could be close to his daughter,

00:47but he considered them separated. We just started dating and after a month or two, I found out that

00:55he was lying about staying in the basement at his wife's house and he was still married,

01:00not separated at all. And so I attempted to break off the relationship at that time.

01:05He was so persistent, just kept coming at me, didn't want to break up. At the time,

01:10I thought it was romantic that he wouldn't let me go. I feel like I missed that big red flag

01:16moment.

01:17He was very jealous and suspicious of me dating other people and he would show up at my house

01:23to see if people were there. He just drove by constantly, called, texted constantly. And then

01:29he finally convinced me to get back together. All through this time, I began to realize that he was

01:36either a compulsive or a pathological liar. I'm not sure which one, but he was one of those. And he

01:41just lied about everything, even if it wasn't something of substance. So it wasn't long before I

01:48started seeing inappropriate messages with other women and eventually men. And I found out he was

01:55bisexual. Definitely was not okay with him messaging other women and men. And of course, I was confronting

02:02him as well. When I see these messages coming through and he would lie about them or he would

02:07downplay them. It was a very tumultuous relationship from the get-go. Joe got divorced. And by then he was

02:16living with me and my three children. It was just red flag after red flag, but I was just ignoring

02:22it

02:22because I thought that he was the person I was supposed to be with. It was devastating because

02:29when you're in a committed relationship, it's really difficult to look past any kind of deception

02:35or cheating. I remember there was one time that he was texting with someone and it was pretty explicit.

02:43And there were pictures of everything. I was mortified. Like, why am I not enough for you?

02:50Yet he continued to do it. It was just so many downs in this relationship and not an awful lot

02:57of ups.

02:58Took a lot for me to just end this relationship. And I did it multiple times, but he would always

03:06guilt me

03:07back. Although this was not a physically abusive relationship, there was a lot of emotional turmoil

03:14that kind of made me feel like it was. Just the constant lying and cheating. I just couldn't stand

03:21it anymore. And if you can't trust the person you're with, then you really just should not be with them.

03:27So I did end up getting pregnant shortly after that and had my son. I was super excited about having

03:35my son, but all through my pregnancy, I was still having the stress of, he was still continuing to

03:41message other women, message other men. And it's just, it's soul crushing to be carrying this person's

03:48child. And he has absolutely no respect for me and continues to do what he's doing. He constantly

03:55guilted me into remaining in the relationship. There was one time I was like, okay, I'm done.

04:00I'm done. And he was texting me and he said he was down at the river and it wasn't far

04:06from my house.

04:07And he said he had a gun in his mouth. And so I'm texting back and forth with him. And

04:10at this point,

04:11I'm, I'm not into the relationship anymore. I'm really close to enough is enough. And as I was texting

04:17him, I saw the hallway light up towards the end of my hallway and see this light coming out of

04:24the

04:24bathroom. Every time I sent a text, I walked down the hallway and he's in the bathroom,

04:29texting me, pretending that he's down at the river with the gun in his mouth. So he was super

04:35manipulative. So in June, 2009, my son was about seven months old. I ended up ending the relationship

04:43completely. Everyone has to reach a point where enough was enough. It was just my enough. After that,

04:50I had to continue to see him because of our child in common. The end of it was just such

04:57a relief.

04:57I thought because I thought it was over and it really wasn't because he just kept with his

05:06manipulations and his lies and his begging. And when his begging didn't work, he would move on to

05:12being angry at me and he would use our son against me. So some of the things that he did

05:20as far as stalking me, he would drive by my house. He would constantly call and text, even though I

05:27had

05:27asked him to stop, but his, his behavior started to become a little more volatile and unbalanced. There

05:35was a time when my neighbor told me that it was at night, he had seen Joe fall out of

05:43my tree and a

05:44big branch broke. And so he was hiding in the tree in my front yard and my neighbor saw that

05:49he heard

05:50a thud. And I kind of thought that was funny at the time, but there's just another one of those

05:55red

05:55flags. He was constantly accusing me of dating people. And at this time I was just, I was like,

06:02I'm done with dating. I don't want any more crazy people, you know? And he was just constantly

06:08badgering me and accusing me when it's like, dude, you were doing this when we were dating.

06:14So, you know, when all of this was happening, I had started making police reports and because I

06:23didn't have an order of protection, the police couldn't do anything about it. So I obtained a

06:28protective order. It had escalated so much that I was scared of him and I bought pepper spray and

06:34a stun gun, and I was sleeping with a knife under my pillow. I was terrified of him. He's a

06:39big guy

06:40and he was much bigger than I was. He was kind of in a mindset that if I can't have

06:46you, nobody will.

06:47He had begged me after a couple of months to dismiss the protective order. He had said something about

06:52he couldn't get, keep his job or get a job if the protective order was in place. And I was

06:58super

06:58naive at that time about the process of a protective order. His job would not have known about it, but

07:05he

07:05again lied to me and I believed to him. So I dropped the protective order in December of 2009. He

07:12kept at

07:12it. He kept badgering me, following me, texting, calling, everything. And then in February of 2010,

07:20he broke my bedroom window over my head and he had kicked in the doors of a truck and slashed

07:29tires.

07:30The truck was in my driveway and he actually ended up getting arrested. He was charged with two counts

07:35of criminal mischief. It's a misdemeanor and it's like a slap on the wrist. It's like getting a speeding

07:41ticket. So, you know, it wasn't a lot to keep him from continuing. He lost his job at the school

07:49he was

07:49teaching at and he lost his coaching job. And it went into the newspapers, you know, were just,

07:57there were several articles about what had happened and him being arrested. I was being destroyed in the

08:04comments on these news websites and I couldn't stop myself from reading them. He had a lot of support as,

08:11you know, a football coach at this huge high school. And there was tons of victim shaming going on.

08:17He was the hero and I was the person who destroyed that life for him. And I entered a deep

08:24depression

08:25at that point. You know, I was just wanting to defend myself, but there was no way to do that.

08:30And so I went into this isolation and at that point, I just had a small tribe of people that

08:37were just,

08:38they were amazing. And they were the people who I could hide at their house if I needed to,

08:43because I had to do that a few times where, um, I was so scared that I spent the night

08:48somewhere else

08:49and not letting him, Joe know where I am. He kept driving by and I kept calling the police and

08:56the

08:56police by this time are frustrated with me, with me because I have called them so many times

09:02over and over. And I was keeping logs of everything because I was told this was the best advice I

09:08could

09:09get was keep a log and keep calling the police. And I didn't know, but if you don't ask the

09:15police to

09:15make a report, they won't. So you have to ask for reports to be made. There's a time that he

09:21followed

09:22me for 20 minutes and I finally pulled over to the side of the road and it's like, I got

09:28out and was

09:28screaming and I was so mad. And he said, Oh, I just wanted to give my son a kiss. And

09:33so he used my son

09:35against me. And you know, I had another protective order finally issued in March of 2010. I wrote a

09:42letter to the prosecutor's office, begging them to charge him with a felony of intimidation based on

09:47his arrest that he was charged the two misdemeanors and has continued stalking. But they wrote me back

09:53and said, Nope, we don't have enough proof. In April of that year, 2010, there was a no contact order

10:00issued

10:02for the criminal mischief case. And so a no contact order is different from a protective order because

10:07it goes just for the length of the case. So he can't contact me. However, since we still had a

10:14child

10:14and he still had visitation rights, I still had to see him. So we had to meet in a public

10:20place. He would

10:21use those times to just, just keep coming at me wanting to get back together. And I can't tell you

10:28how

10:28many times I'm just like, No, I don't want anything to do with you. When he had visits with my

10:33son,

10:34he would drop them off to anybody who would take them and come check up on me because he knew

10:38that

10:38was my free time that I didn't have my other children. They were with their dad and he had my

10:44son. So he just assumed that I was going out, you know, meeting other guys. And so that just escalated

10:50the situation even more. At that point, I don't even know that he wanted a relationship with me. I think

10:55he just wanted, I don't know, to control my life. And then finally came to this point where

11:03I thought it was going to be over and it was this huge deal. The end of June, 2010,

11:07I was laying in bed. And at this point I had insomnia. I was on because of all my anxiety

11:15brought

11:16on by him. And I was just taking sleeping pills. I had a security camera installed and it was just

11:23like right outside my bedroom. I would lay awake, just watching the screen. It was just all night

11:30long, you know? So one night I heard rocks moving outside my bedroom window. And, you know, at this

11:37point I'd heard from the police so much. It's like, he said, she said, you don't have proof. You know,

11:42he had only been caught that one time. Yeah. I was super frustrated, but also like, this is never going

11:47to end. But that night I heard rocks moving outside my bedroom window. By this time I had borrowed a

11:52gun

11:52from one of my friends and I slept with it. And so I ran up the stairs and threw open

12:01the patio door.

12:02And I looked to my left and there he is. He was dressed head to toe in black, black sneakers,

12:07black pants, black shirt, black hat, you know, everything. He was just covered. And I shot at him.

12:15It was just, it was tunnel vision at that point, because I was just like, I just want him to

12:19be

12:19caught. I just want him to be caught. And it was just so frustrating that it hadn't happened. And

12:22like, here he is. And I have the ability to stop him. And, you know, I could have shot him

12:28right

12:28then, but I just wanted him to stop. And I didn't want to kill him, but I wanted him to

12:33stop. And I

12:33was desperate. When I shot at him, he stopped and he had jumped the fence. And I was just holding

12:40the gun

12:40on him saying, if you move, I'll kill you. And I had my phone in the other hand. And I

12:45had called

12:45the police right when I heard him outside the bedroom window. Police were on the way. I was

12:50holding the gun on him. And, you know, I point the gun down at the ground and would start coming

12:55at me. So I pointed back at him, you know, I had shot, I think maybe four or five times.

12:59And I shot

13:00on either side of him, because I didn't want to actually hit him. But I wanted to scare him into

13:05staying there. He was there when the police arrived. And I'm standing there with my gun saying,

13:09I have the gun, I have the gun, I'm putting it down. And they're like, we don't care about you.

13:13The cops are, we don't care about you. We are getting him. You know, I was in such fear for

13:19my life at that point, you know, and I wouldn't recommend doing what I did, but it was just out

13:24of pure desperation. And so that was the second time he was arrested. And I was so relieved that

13:31it's like, see, see what he's doing to me, see what he's doing to me. The cops ended up finding

13:36a crowbar and a knife and camouflage flashlight in the backyard. So I know that he was coming to

13:46hurt me. And at that point, I thought it was over. Yeah, he's done. He's going to jail. You know,

13:50I was hanging out with this guy named John, I had grown up with his sister. And so I didn't

13:57really

13:57know him all that well. But we grew up at the same church. So John and I are sitting in

14:01the backyard,

14:02and we see legs underneath a bush at a neighbor's house. And so we kept looking and kept looking.

14:10And after about a minute or two, Joe pops out of the bushes, like, seriously, you're going to still

14:15come at me after I shot at you, dude. This is ridiculous. Of course, we called the cops. And by

14:21the time, you know, they arrived, he was gone. He wasn't done with me. And it was just the frustration

14:28comes back. You know, the newspaper articles have started up again, because a woman shooting

14:34at a guy. So here I am getting trashed again, and I could feel myself kind of being pulled back

14:40into

14:40that depression and wanting to defend myself. It was in June that the shooting happened. And then in

14:46August, he drove by a few times. And, you know, I could see him out the window. So John happened

14:52to be

14:52there. And so we called the police, he drove by again before the police arrived. So you know,

14:58he had driven by like four times already, I made a report with the police. And John was a firefighter.

15:05So he knows a lot of cops, you know, a lot of firefighters. So he happened to know the police

15:10officer that had come to make the report. And so he was happened to be outside just talking to him

15:18after the report was filed. And again, Joe drives by. And we're like, Oh my God, that's him. That's

15:25him. That's him. He's driving by again. You know, I thought it was great. If John hadn't known this

15:29police officer, he wouldn't have been there to see it. Police come back and they're telling me, okay,

15:34you know, he's going to jail. They found a laminated collage of photos of me in his car. So after

15:41he was

15:42arrested the third time, he was finally charged with stalking. The judge actually wrote the word

15:47dangerous on the court document. And he set up a $200,000 bond. So I'm like, yes,

15:54he's not getting out of jail. Cause that's a lot of money. In March, we moved to a different town.

15:59It's still close by, but you know, it's, I didn't tell anybody where I lived. They changed my phone

16:05number, changed my address and basically went into hiding. May of that year in 2011, we received notice

16:13that the trial date was set for June 14th. And finally he decided to leave guilty. And it was

16:21because there was such a preponderance of evidence. I had all my logs. I had all this paperwork. My case

16:27set a precedent with stalking because they charged him with the maximum. And that was supposed to be

16:34six years. But of course, with the plea deal, it ended up being reduced down to, I think three years.

16:43He was in jail for a couple of months and then he served the rest of the time in prison,

16:48but it

16:48wasn't over. In July of that year. So a couple of months later, I received notice he was going to

16:54be

16:54released in September, 2012. I filed for another protective order upon his release because the

17:01no contact order that goes along with the stalking charge in October, 2013, he requested that his

17:10probation be terminated. So he wanted it to end early. I didn't fight it. I'm just like, whatever.

17:15I want that part of my life to be over with in November, 2016. So this is, you know, six

17:22years later,

17:24he requested that a felony be reduced to a misdemeanor that I fought because I realized that if he

17:33got the felony reduced to the misdemeanor, like a traffic ticket, he'd be able to get a gun. So I

17:39wrote

17:39a victim impact statement. I sent it into the judge and he denied reducing the felony to the misdemeanor.

17:46I think that was probably the last court document that I got from him. So this spans several years

17:55and I just felt like it was never going to end. I share my story because I feel like it

18:01could help

18:02someone else that may be in the same situation that is not recognizing the red flags that I didn't

18:08recognize. I think that my story can bring people just some hope that there is someone that would

18:16believe them that, you know, it's not just a, he said, she said, I believe you. If you're, you say

18:23you're being stalked, I believe you. Victims do not often lie about assaults or stalking or domestic violence.

18:31I would hope my story would convince someone to tell their truth. Be super vigilant about keeping logs,

18:40super vigilant about telling the police to make a report because they won't otherwise. Reach out to

18:47a hotline to get support because there are people out there that will talk you through it. They'll talk

18:53you through the resources that you need to be safe. Advice that I would have is to one, keep a

19:03log of

19:04every single thing and get a protective order because without a protective order, there's nothing

19:11that the judicial system can do for you. And although it is a piece of paper and doesn't necessarily

19:18protect you from a stalker, it allows the judicial system to start the process of calling these stalkers

19:29out basically, you know, and if you have a stalker, call the police every single time, even if they get

19:38tired of you. Thank you for listening to my story. I hope you benefited from it. If you are a

19:45victim,

19:46please reach out to someone and know that someone believed you. And if you are a friend of someone

19:54being stalked, just make sure you're there to support them and believe them and help protect them.

They Didn't Believe I Was Being Stalked | A Story Of An Obsession

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