- 11 months ago
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FunTranscript
00:00It should be a very good night.
00:02You'd be amazed how many nutters there are in the frozen goods industry.
00:05Work hard, play hard, that's very much us.
00:07Right.
00:08Know how to enjoy ourselves.
00:10There are some real characters out there tonight.
00:14Anyway, I'll just show you through to the holding area where you can stand by.
00:17Holding area?
00:18Oh, what do you call it? Green room.
00:21Sorry, frozen goods term.
00:23No, you prefer it.
00:24After you.
00:26Everybody, this is Rick. He's going to be your compere.
00:29Rick, this is Voulez-vous-lez-vous.
00:31You're going to be introducing them.
00:34Help yourself to coffee, teas.
00:36We're looking at going on in ten, so make yourself at home.
00:40Oh, just one more thing.
00:42I don't know if it was mentioned to you earlier, but our MD is going to be in the audience.
00:46He's originally from Pakistan, so if you could avoid any racialist jibes, it might be best.
00:50Personally, I'm fine with whatever, but it might be best on this occasion.
00:53No, I never do that.
00:54Any other occasion, fine, but, you know.
00:56Anyway, apart from that, it's all yours.
00:59Okay.
01:00Are you fine?
01:01Fine?
01:02Excellent.
01:09So do you do a lot of racist material?
01:11Of course I bloody don't.
01:13Cool.
01:14So do you do a lot of ABBA material?
01:30Yeah.
01:30I'm going to get high, but I really can't take the pain.
01:54Because if I blow away my soul like a hurricane...
02:01You are fine.
02:27Bastard.
02:57Oh, some tea.
03:19What time is it?
03:22Quarter past six.
03:24I thought you'd like a cup of tea.
03:26What I'd like is another hour's sleep.
03:29Tell me about it.
03:31A sodding paper boy woke me again.
03:35Crashing through the gate like an escaped elephant.
03:39I'm not like you. I can't sleep through that kind of thing.
03:44Mel.
03:48Mel.
03:50She's saying I can't sleep through that kind of thing.
03:52Do you know the dishwasher wasn't turned on last night?
04:00No teaspoons anywhere in this house.
04:05Apart from that...
04:07...happy, are you?
04:09Is that unbelievable?
04:19No teaspoons anywhere in this house.
04:21I cannot find a single teaspoon.
04:24The entire kitchen just grinds to hold.
04:27Use a big one.
04:28But where are they?
04:31Where have they all gone?
04:32It's a mystery, isn't it?
04:34Perhaps we'll never know.
04:35There's always teaspoons, isn't it?
04:36You know, we get a sudden shortage of forks or...
04:39Where's some more?
04:40Egg cups.
04:41Well, no, because then you know what'll happen.
04:43I'll come back with a whole load of new ones
04:44and the old ones will reappear.
04:45We'll have a glut of the bloody things.
04:47Fine, so wait until the old ones magically reappear.
04:53That's odd.
04:54The poster's not working.
04:55What do you mean it's not working?
04:56Well, look.
04:58It can't be broken.
05:00It's not that old.
05:01It's at least three or four years old.
05:02It's probably just the fuse.
05:03Come on, it won't be the fuse.
05:04It's never the fuse.
05:05They just tell you that to raise your hopes.
05:07Don't waste your time, you know?
05:09All I want is a teaspoon.
05:12God, you know what?
05:13Magda really might have just switched on the dishwasher last night.
05:18How's it going?
05:19Good, thanks.
05:20Yep, so far.
05:21Do you think this happens in intensive care?
05:23Granny lying there.
05:24I'm so sorry.
05:26She's passed away.
05:28Oh, hang on a second.
05:29It might be the fuse.
05:30No, she has died.
05:32Sorry.
05:33Here we go.
05:35Any minute now.
05:36Ready?
05:37Yeah.
05:40It's not the fuse.
05:40It's not the fuse.
05:41Was it me or you who said it wouldn't be the fuse?
05:43I can't remember now.
05:44Hi, Magda.
05:45Hello.
05:46There's something wrong with those stuff.
05:48Yeah, it's broken.
05:49It's not the fuse, is it?
05:50What is fuse?
05:51What's the little safety thing inside the plug?
05:54In my country, we don't have fuse.
05:56Really?
05:56I find that surprising for a country that runs its agricultural machinery off the light sockets.
06:01Magda, by the way, was there any reason why the dishwasher wasn't switched on last night?
06:05Of course.
06:06It was not full.
06:07Well, it is full.
06:08Come on, it is full.
06:08Well, what's room for more plates?
06:10Look, it doesn't have to be stuffed full to work.
06:12It's just a dishwasher.
06:13It's not easy, Jack.
06:14It's expensive to have on all the time.
06:16I'm not saying put it on all the time.
06:19It's just for the whole point of having your dishwasher is the washing app gets done when it suits you.
06:22I'll leave you to it.
06:22I've got a meeting.
06:23All right, so what have you got on today?
06:25Handyman Harrison has his book to watch this week.
06:27Handyman Harrison has written another book, has he?
06:29We should take the toaster, see if he can fix that for us.
06:31Just buy a new one.
06:33See, that's here answered everything, isn't it?
06:35It's broken, yeah.
06:37Just buy a new one.
06:38I don't know, Magda, you know, it's just me and handyman Harrison knows how to fix things around here.
06:54No one ever empties the crumb tray.
06:56It's just...
06:58Why don't you take it back to shop?
07:06No, I'll just...
07:10I'll just have to mend it myself.
07:18As usual.
07:19You, er, check the fuse?
07:28Yeah.
07:30Er...
07:30It wasn't that?
07:34No.
07:36It's only a few months old.
07:37I bought it here.
07:38Oh, right.
07:39You got the, er, guarantee?
07:41No.
07:42You got the receipt?
07:42No, I haven't got the receipt either, but I am a regular customer.
07:44Right.
07:45Did you keep the box?
07:46No, I didn't.
07:46Of course I didn't keep the box.
07:47Why would I keep the box so I can put it away again every day after breakfast?
07:50Well, if you haven't got the box or the receipt, I'm going to have to charge you.
07:52Oh, come on.
07:53It's faulty.
07:55You know, I use this shop all the time.
07:57Well, I haven't seen you.
07:58I'm in here all the time.
07:59Well, so am I.
08:00I haven't seen you.
08:01Well, it was probably the other bloke when I came in.
08:02What other bloke?
08:04It's just me.
08:04I'm the only one who works here.
08:06Well, maybe your hair was different, Lion.
08:08Well, maybe, but I'd sort of seen you.
08:10Oh, whatever.
08:10The point is, I did buy this here, and now it won't work.
08:13Okay, well, take a look at it.
08:15If I can't fix it, I won't charge you.
08:17Come back tomorrow.
08:17I should have it ready by then.
08:19Oh, and I'll keep the same hairstyle so you recognize me.
08:27Hey, I've been here hours.
08:29I thought you wanted to make an early start.
08:31That's like sort of out.
08:32I missed breakfast.
08:33Rick wants to make an early start.
08:34Stop, please.
08:35Get here.
08:35There's no you.
08:36There's no toaster.
08:37I haven't eaten.
08:38I can't work like this.
08:38I can't have some cereal for that, honey.
08:40I can't eat your cereal.
08:41That muesli you buy.
08:42It's great.
08:43It's good for you.
08:43It's like dust with bits in it.
08:45Oh, gosh.
08:45It should come in an urn.
08:46You don't pour it, you scatter it around.
08:48That's some fruit.
08:49Oh, no, you're American, aren't you?
08:51What's going on here?
08:52He's sleeping with everybody.
08:54Is he?
08:54Oh, what an arsehole.
08:55So what's with the toaster?
08:57Oh, he's having a look at it.
08:58You sure it's not the fuse?
09:00Yeah, I think we're pretty sure it's not the fuse.
09:02Thanks.
09:03Hi, Ben.
09:03How's it going?
09:04Yeah, good.
09:05Just took my driving test.
09:06Yeah, good.
09:08Nah, not really.
09:11Not really?
09:13You failed?
09:14Yeah, pretty much.
09:16What'd they fail you on?
09:18Just general driving, I think.
09:20Just general driving.
09:21I was all right with indicating.
09:25Yeah, they kept asking him things about road markings and reversing and that.
09:29Yeah.
09:30That sucks.
09:31Nah, fussy.
09:33Take it again, huh?
09:34Yeah, no, he doesn't want to, Dad.
09:36Yeah, I don't fancy it.
09:38I think I'll just knock it on the head.
09:39Just forget it.
09:40Yeah.
09:41But what is this?
09:42In my country, if you want driver's license, you buy.
09:45Yeah, no, over here we have examiners and they test you.
09:47Yes, I'm examiner.
09:48Right.
09:48You give vodka or cigarettes, but you get license.
09:53I'd say you can get a license.
09:54That's how you got yours.
09:55You bought it?
09:55Oh, no, I don't want to drive in my country very dangerous.
09:58Many accidents all the time.
10:00Really?
10:00Why's that?
10:01Come on, Rick, let's get to work.
10:03Let me know what happens.
10:04See you.
10:05No teaspoons in this house.
10:07Let's ask him.
10:08And he's welcome.
10:09Wow.
10:10So, Voulez, Voulez-vous, come on.
10:12Who?
10:12Voulez, Voulez-vous, they're the ABBA tribute band.
10:15So they're unbelievably bad.
10:17They've changed every song just very slightly so they don't have to pay any royalties.
10:20They look like ABBA?
10:20Yeah, a little bit, I suppose.
10:21What was Anna Freed like?
10:22No, shut up.
10:23I'm telling you the story.
10:23So anyway, the place is heaving with all these frozen food executives.
10:26They're all dancing and singing along, having a good time.
10:28So, of course, they're singing the proper version.
10:30So they start booing the band, and the band get upset.
10:33Bjorn starts getting all shirty.
10:34Which one was Bjorn?
10:35Is he the one with the beard?
10:36No, the other one.
10:37With the Kermit Grin?
10:38Yes.
10:38They all divorced, didn't they?
10:39Wow, I don't know, who cares?
10:40It's just a tribute band.
10:41They're taking it seriously they should divorce, too.
10:43I don't even know if they're married in the first place.
10:44God, this is a pointless conversation.
10:46So what happened?
10:47Oh, forget it.
10:48No, no, no, what happened?
10:49It doesn't matter.
10:49Come on.
10:50I'll tell you later.
10:51Let's do some work.
10:53Okay.
10:54What's this DVD you're hosting?
10:55It's just People Do the Dumbest Things, Volume 3.
10:59Remember I did Volume 2 last year?
11:01I want to hear the end of the Ava story later.
11:02Yeah, well, later.
11:03I've got about 300 links here to write between clips of girls throwing up in phone boxes and blokes stapling their eyelids together for a bet.
11:10Maybe watch it?
11:11No, trust me, it's hilarious.
11:13Okay.
11:14Intro, same shit.
11:16Darwin concluded from his research that we all evolved from primates.
11:20It's just that somebody forgot to tell these guys.
11:23Well, that actually is the same shit.
11:25That is precisely what I said on Volume 2.
11:27Dumb.
11:27So what if they ring up and say, this is exactly how you introduced the last DVD, what do I say?
11:32Maybe say, people do the dumbest things.
11:38Man slips and gashes head on diving board.
11:41Fat man trapped in storm drain.
11:44Man sits on barbe...
11:45You would have let me do that.
11:49Why don't you see me make a good link?
11:50Yeah, thanks.
11:51Just do it completely straight and in a funny voice.
11:56How's that for comedy?
11:57You don't even...
11:58I'm going to sort something out.
11:59Do you want us to sweat out here?
12:00No, I'll come in.
12:01No, no, sweat here.
12:01No, I'll come in.
12:02I can sort it out on my own.
12:03I'll come in.
12:03I don't need you to come in.
12:05I want to support you.
12:06I'll come in.
12:08Hi.
12:13I get my papers delivered from here.
12:16What's the address?
12:1712 Holland Road.
12:19How long for?
12:20What?
12:20How long you weigh for?
12:21How long do you want to cancel?
12:22I don't want to cancel.
12:24What paper do you want instead?
12:24No, no.
12:25Happy with the paper.
12:26I was just going to say.
12:26You don't want to change it to a different one?
12:27Can I just tell you what instead of you guessing?
12:29It'll be quicker.
12:30No, no.
12:30I'll pay my bill.
12:31The paper boy who delivers.
12:34Wayne, is it Wayne?
12:34Yeah, Wayne.
12:35Yeah, you know him then, do you?
12:37No, I don't know him.
12:38You just said his name and I repeated it.
12:41That doesn't mean I don't know him.
12:41Right, has he got you the wrong paper?
12:43No, no, no.
12:44I was going to tell you, remember?
12:45I was going to tell you what it was.
12:48Um, sorry, the guy who comes in.
12:51Wayne.
12:51Wayne, yeah, you know him.
12:53No, I don't know.
12:53I just said I don't know him.
12:54You said you did know him.
12:55No, I didn't.
12:56You said his name and I said Wayne again.
12:58Oh, well, I misunderstood you completely.
13:00I said, no, I don't know him.
13:01I'm just repeating the name because you had said it.
13:03But you like the name.
13:03I don't know him.
13:04I don't know him.
13:05Right.
13:06But he is noisy in the morning.
13:07Every, you know, I just wonder if he could have a word
13:09because there is a way with his trolley, you know?
13:12Can he oil it?
13:12The wheels on the trolley?
13:14It just comes crashing through the gate.
13:16You know, you could just have a word with him about just...
13:18Well, you know, the thing with Wayne,
13:20well, you'll know this from knowing him,
13:21he's quite hard to get through to
13:24because he's not bright, you know?
13:26Well, that's okay.
13:27You don't have to be bright to be quiet.
13:32Well...
13:32You know, you can...
13:34A lot of quite thick people are really very quiet.
13:37So maybe put that to him.
13:40No, all right.
13:40I know I definitely will say something,
13:42but I'm just saying I can't promise it to do any good,
13:44you know, but I will.
13:45Okay.
13:46I will try.
13:46All right.
13:47Oh, isn't that lovely?
13:48Look.
13:49Yes.
13:49Nice wedding dress.
13:50Yeah.
13:51Are you married?
13:53No, I've got a partner.
13:54Oh.
13:56Oh, no, not that kind of...
13:58No, it's my partner isn't...
14:00No, it's all right.
14:01I mean, there's a lot of them about.
14:02No, I'm not.
14:03It's not...
14:03I'm not one of them.
14:05You know, they're a lot of about.
14:07And my partner's a woman.
14:08And, er...
14:10We could be married if we needed to be.
14:12Well, why aren't you then?
14:13Or wanted to be.
14:14Well...
14:14Are you still married to someone else or something?
14:17No, it's just not that going on.
14:18No, no, it's just she's my partner
14:19and we probably will get married at some point.
14:21I think you should.
14:23Are you?
14:24Well, it's just a lot of people
14:25don't make that commitment nowadays, do they?
14:27Well, we're committed.
14:28We just haven't done that thing.
14:29Could you have a word?
14:30But if you're not married,
14:30you're not committed, really, are you?
14:32Oh.
14:33I'm really committed to my partner, Mel,
14:37and we're not married.
14:38That's a man's name, isn't it?
14:38No.
14:39It could be a man's name,
14:41but she is a...
14:41I'll bring her in here and I'll introduce you
14:43and then you'll see, okay?
14:44No, you're all right.
14:45I'm quite busy in here anyway, so...
14:48You have a word.
14:58So what if they do sack him
14:59as a useless moron
15:00who wakes the whole street?
15:01You know what?
15:01You're going to get the guy fired
15:02just because he woke you up a couple of times.
15:04Maybe.
15:05Michael, you be the judge.
15:06What do you do?
15:07My paper boy wakes me up every morning
15:09because he's so noisy.
15:10What would you do?
15:11You can't tell him to be quiet
15:12because he'll forget
15:13because he's...
15:14He's what?
15:17You know, he's...
15:18Oh.
15:20Well, anyway, the point is,
15:21he makes a lot of noise.
15:22Does he?
15:23Um, well, it wouldn't really bother me.
15:25I'm with you, Michael.
15:26Only because I'm always up at that time of day.
15:27I have trouble sleeping.
15:29But if you were asleep
15:30and your paper boy woke you,
15:32what would you do?
15:34Well, I'd probably have to shoot him.
15:35Can I recommend the pasta?
15:55Please, yeah.
15:56Two pastas?
15:59Mr. Blue Skies.
16:01Quite unpleasant, wasn't it?
16:02I didn't think we'd get out of that mime alive.
16:03He was actually adjusting in the sights between...
16:05Okay.
16:08People do the dumbest things.
16:11How about this?
16:12Bride falls into paddling pool.
16:15Who has a paddling pool at the wedding?
16:16Someone who wants to make 200 quid on a funny video clip.
16:19You think that one wasn't real?
16:20Yeah, I don't think so.
16:21That's a shame.
16:22Yes.
16:23You know what I love?
16:24When they use the kids to do the dangerous stuff.
16:27You know?
16:28Get on the swing.
16:28That's right, Jimmy.
16:29No, no, step on that plank.
16:30It won't break.
16:31What are you doing?
16:32Just taking a couple of spoons.
16:34Why?
16:35Because I need them home.
16:37You're going to steal his tea spoons?
16:39No, I'm just borrowing them.
16:39I'll bring them back when mine turn up.
16:41Here, we'll get them back.
16:41It's a temporary thing.
16:42What if yours don't turn up?
16:44Well, they'll wait a bit longer, won't they?
16:45It's called stealing.
16:46It's not stealing.
16:47Teaspoons don't count.
16:49Everyone takes a teaspoon.
16:50Take the nice silver ones from a shop, if it's allowed.
16:52Ah, shops are different, you know.
16:53Places like this, they reckon I'm losing a certain number of teaspoons.
16:56It's built into the business plan.
16:58Thank you very much.
16:59Careful, that's quite hot.
17:00Okay, thank you.
17:02Some parmesan, please.
17:04Certainly.
17:04Oh, and sorry, could we have a couple of teaspoons to go with the coffee came without, you see?
17:10So, um, your coffee came without teaspoons?
17:12Yeah.
17:13Didn't it, Marty?
17:14I didn't notice.
17:16Oh, yeah, I did.
17:17Right, I'll, uh, I'll get you a couple of teaspoons.
17:21And, um, parmesan.
17:22Yes, yes, you said that.
17:26Now he's suspicious.
17:27You shouldn't have said that.
17:28You drew attention to the spoils.
17:29You're wrong.
17:30It's a confidence trick, you know.
17:31Why would I point out something's missing?
17:33It was the one who stole them.
17:34It's a smoke screen.
17:36It's a reverse psychology.
17:38Very much.
17:39That's great.
17:39Uh-huh.
17:41A couple of teaspoons, right?
17:43Maybe a teaspoon for the parmesan.
17:49Perhaps use that one.
17:52I might have sugar in my coffee, you see.
17:55And then I might go into there.
18:01It's going to taste all parmesan-y.
18:04Okay.
18:14You are dicing with death.
18:16That guy's got an imaginary gun and he's not afraid to use it.
18:19I haven't finished yet.
18:20See, now, if the waitress cleans our stuff,
18:22I can have these ones as well,
18:23because she doesn't know we've got teaspoons on the table.
18:25I can't believe that paper, boy.
18:47It's like a dawn raid.
18:49Trundle, trundle, crash, swing, bang, ping.
18:56I thought you spoke to the news agents.
18:59I did.
19:00Did it make a difference?
19:02Well, we'll see, won't we?
19:03You mean, he hasn't been yet?
19:11He'll be here any minute.
19:13So how come you're awake?
19:15I set the alarm.
19:16You set the alarm to wake you up
19:21to see if the paper boy was noisy enough to wake you.
19:27Yeah, I did.
19:27I want to sort this out.
19:29You're insane.
19:31Go back to sleep.
19:33No.
19:34And you should stay awake as well.
19:35I want a witness.
19:36No.
19:37He'll be here any minute.
19:38It's off me.
19:40One thing I'll say for him,
19:41he's very punctual for a man with a brain the size of a walnut.
19:46Wayne, his name is.
19:50Wayne.
19:53Wayne.
19:59The tea's a perfect temperature.
20:01Rick.
20:02I'm really tired.
20:04Please be quiet.
20:05Shh, shh, shh.
20:06No, wait, wait.
20:06Here he comes.
20:07Listen to this.
20:08It's like a freight train coming down the road.
20:10Listen.
20:11This is the bit I can't stand.
20:14Oh.
20:16That particularly gets to me that bit.
20:17If he could just hold the letterbox so it was shut gently,
20:20I could just about live with a squeaky trolley
20:21and crashing through the gate.
20:23Actually, not the gate, because he's damaging that.
20:24It's just, that bit really, really does get to me.
20:27Oh, bloody hell.
20:29I don't know why I even bothered trying to sleep with you next to me.
20:31You see, we now have teaspoons.
20:51Yippee.
20:54Sorry if I woke you.
20:55Good-bye breakfast.
21:06Thanks, Michael.
21:08Have you been busy?
21:09Oh, you know.
21:10Good days and bad days.
21:11Yesterday was a bad day.
21:12He's a bloody great, dude.
21:15Oh, well isn't he?
21:19So how are you getting on with handyman Harrison?
21:22I'm taking him to Hart FM for a pre-recorded Jamie Theakston
21:25and then on to a book signing at Waterstones.
21:28A book signing?
21:29I mean, how does he sign his autograph?
21:33Is that what he puts?
21:34Best wishes, handyman Harrison.
21:37I mean, he must have a real name.
21:39I guess his parents had incredible foresight.
21:41His real name's Colin.
21:43That's Colin.
21:44That's nice.
21:45And he's very sweet.
21:46He always asks people how they want it signed
21:47so they don't get disappointed.
21:49So I can wait till I read the book.
21:51It's actually a good book.
21:52I'll get you a copy.
21:57He's definitely a bit old.
21:59Sorry.
22:00He's always like that.
22:05Yeah, sorry about that.
22:07Plastic stirrer.
22:08Sudden shortage of teaspoons today.
22:09Oh, don't worry.
22:17Yes, I think what can happen is that
22:18something as small as a teaspoon
22:20can just get folded into a newspaper
22:22or drop into a pocket
22:23and then people get home and realise what's happened.
22:25Sounds feasible.
22:27Hmm.
22:28I'm sure whoever it was
22:30and realised their mistake
22:30can return them next time they're in
22:32and we can all have a good laugh about it.
22:34Say no more about the matter.
22:39Actually, if you're not using that, can I?
22:49Am I right in thinking you've stolen some of Michael's teaspoons?
22:52It wasn't like that.
22:53No, because that's what it looked like.
22:54He's just borrowing some.
22:55Oh, so you asked him first?
22:57No.
22:58We have an arrangement.
23:00It didn't sound like that to me.
23:01Maybe I accidentally ended up taking them.
23:05Right, so you're going to take them back
23:07and apologise to him then?
23:08No, I'll explain.
23:09There's been a mix-up
23:10and I somehow ended up taking them home
23:13in my pocket.
23:14Didn't you jingle?
23:17No, because I had a hanky
23:18and that would have muffled them.
23:21Look, I'm sorry, OK?
23:22I'm sorry.
23:22Don't apologise to me.
23:24Say it to Michael.
23:24I was only borrowing her.
23:25And that's what you'd say in a court, is it?
23:27He's not really a court over a thing like that.
23:29He'd have to be deranged to take it that far.
23:33I'll take him back this afternoon.
23:35Good.
23:36And make sure he knows you've taken them back.
23:37Don't just sneak them in.
23:51Thinking about redecorating.
23:57We're lucky here, because it's not there.
23:59It's a little more way over there.
24:03So it's nice, I can go.
24:07It's very, no, no, it's very difficult.
24:37No, no, I'll just put it on.
24:49OK, this is man eating jam with wasp on.
24:57Anything?
24:58Just move on.
25:01A child falls off swing.
25:06Oh, hilarious.
25:07Gymnast on collapsing asymmetric bars.
25:12Here we go.
25:21A lot of these speak for themselves.
25:23I agree.
25:24I think we'd be making it less funny.
25:26There's no point in writing a joke about a joke.
25:27A gymnast breaking both arms.
25:29We can't make that any funnier.
25:32You're right.
25:32It's witty.
25:35Our work here is done.
25:36All right, I'll take that.
25:45Hi.
25:46Hello.
25:46How can I help you?
25:48I was in yesterday.
25:49Oh, it must have been the other guy who was on.
25:56Yeah, I remember.
25:58Toaster.
26:00What, is it fixed?
26:01Got it right here.
26:02Oh.
26:03What did I tell you?
26:04Great.
26:05Not really.
26:06I opened it up, but there's not a lot I can do.
26:08It's a circuit board.
26:09Oh, there you go.
26:11I can't remember.
26:11Did you say you have got the guarantee?
26:13No, no guarantee.
26:14No.
26:15No receipts.
26:16I told you that.
26:16No box.
26:17Right.
26:18No CCTV footage of me buying it.
26:20Right.
26:21Well, it could be repaired, but to be honest, it'd be cheaper just to get a new one.
26:24Yeah, yeah, I think it's best here to cut your losses and move on to a new toaster.
26:28Yeah, actually, I've got a new one out back.
26:30It's really good.
26:31I'll go get it.
26:31It's fine.
26:32Just leave it.
26:32That would be great.
26:33No, it wouldn't.
26:34I can get it on the internet for half the price.
26:36Oh, that's nice.
26:37Shops like this depend on local support.
26:39You know that?
26:39Rubbish.
26:40If you get it on the internet, you can't get it fixed here.
26:42Well, you couldn't fix the one I did buy here.
26:43Next thing I'm going to be walking by, this place would have turned into a charity shop.
26:46Oh, God forbid.
26:47There you go.
26:48Professional toaster, top of the range, four slices, muffin rack, and two-year guarantee.
26:54Don't worry about it.
26:55I think Mel would really like this.
26:56I don't think so.
26:56It's very reliable.
26:57You won't get a better one than this elsewhere.
26:59Take your toast making to a whole new level.
27:01I don't want it, all right?
27:06150 bloody quid for a toaster.
27:08Why are you keeping the old one?
27:09I don't know, spares.
27:10I don't even want him fixing it and selling it.
27:12You think he actually does that?
27:13Of course.
27:14People like that, they always have a scam.
27:16Surely, if he could fix it, he would fix it and charge you.
27:19So naive.
27:20You're right.
27:20Besides, much better to clutter your home with old appliances.
27:23Where are you going?
27:24It's a bit early for lunch.
27:25There's something I need to do.
27:29Michael.
27:31I just popped in to say that when I got back, I don't know how, but when I got in the other
27:38day, somehow, I think by accident, I must have, I must have, well,
27:46I, um, I found, I found these.
27:53They were at home.
27:55They were, um, yeah, they were in my house.
27:59First thing I wanted to do is put that right, so, uh, and, um, so there you are.
28:09I see.
28:12Well, thank you.
28:13I appreciate you doing that.
28:16Betrayal of trust is something I find very difficult to countenance.
28:20You're a valued customer, indeed.
28:23Friend, I like to think.
28:26Me too, yeah.
28:27I didn't want to take it any further, go down that route of court orders and so on.
28:32Christ, no.
28:33But you've rectified the matter, and thank you.
28:36We shall speak no more about it.
28:47Maybe we can get this one fixed someplace else.
28:49I want to get high, but I really can't take the pain.
29:14Cause if I blow away my soul like a hurricane
29:20I'm like a one-man man's leaping in the pouring rain
29:28I want to get high, but I want to get high
29:40And let's take a arm.
29:43I want to get high, because this is a new quote.
29:45Oh, yeah.
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