After I Stopped Loving Them

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After I Stopped Loving Them   #shorts #aidrama #shortclips #shortcdrama #ai #shorts #videos #entertainment #drama

Transcript

00:00:01The third month, my family's kept me locked in the psych ward.

00:00:05Electrodes on my temples.

00:00:07Restraints cutting into my wrists.

00:00:09I'd lost count of how many shocks the doctor had given me.

00:00:12Please!

00:00:13Please!

00:00:13No, it's hurt!

00:00:14I'll be good!

00:00:16I promise!

00:00:17Stop!

00:00:18I struggled, I begged, but the doctor didn't even look up.

00:00:21The nurse pushed the door open, expressionless.

00:00:23I watched her white shoes come closer.

00:00:25Her family says, up the dose.

00:00:28The current hit.

00:00:29My body arched then went limp.

00:00:32The last thing I saw was the white fluorescent light

00:00:34and the little red dot on the security camera blinking on and off.

00:00:38The line on the heart monitor went flat.

00:00:40I died.

00:00:41When I opened my eyes I was standing in an old pawn shop.

00:00:44I looked down at my hands.

00:00:46Translucent.

00:00:47Welcome.

00:00:48A voice.

00:00:49Behind the counter.

00:00:50I looked up.

00:00:50A man.

00:00:5130 maybe.

00:00:52His eyes were pale gray like glass with no heat in it.

00:00:55The soul shop.

00:00:57The place where you get what you want most.

00:01:00He looked up at me.

00:01:02And what do you want?

00:01:03What do I want?

00:01:06I mumbled and clenched my fists.

00:01:08My nails dug into my palms, but I couldn't feel the pain anymore.

00:01:12I want to live again.

00:01:14He set the cloth down.

00:01:16It won't be cheap.

00:01:17Pulled out a sheet of parchment from beneath the counter.

00:01:20Slid it across to me.

00:01:22To live again, you trade something of equal value.

00:01:25Do you know what's worth the most about you?

00:01:29No.

00:01:30Your ability to love.

00:01:32I froze.

00:01:34He looked at me with those pale gray eyes, voice slow.

00:01:37You see.

00:01:38People like you are rare.

00:01:40You loved your parents.

00:01:41Loved your brother.

00:01:43Loved your fiance.

00:01:44You even loved the sister who took everything from you.

00:01:46Stepped on.

00:01:47Spit on.

00:01:48And you kept handing them your heart.

00:01:50Over and over.

00:01:52You're mocking me.

00:01:54I'm doing business.

00:01:55He tapped the parchment with one fingertip.

00:01:57Terms.

00:01:58You surrender your ability to love.

00:02:00I give you one more life.

00:02:02Starting the day you turned 12.

00:02:04The day they brought your sister home.

00:02:05Why that day?

00:02:07For the first time, something flickered in his face.

00:02:09Almost interest.

00:02:10Because that's where your story went wrong.

00:02:12I was quiet for a long time.

00:02:14Then I looked up.

00:02:16Deal.

00:02:17I lifted my hand.

00:02:19Pressed it to the parchment.

00:02:20A gold light bloomed where my fingerprint landed.

00:02:22He took the contract back.

00:02:23Gave me the smallest nod.

00:02:25I snapped.

00:02:26May this life.

00:02:27Find yourself.

00:02:28He snapped his fingers.

00:02:30The world began to fall apart.

00:02:32Shards of light drifted down like snow.

00:02:35White light swallowed everything.

00:02:38Anya!

00:02:38What are you spacing out for?

00:02:40Our new sister's almost here.

00:02:41Let's go down and meet her.

00:02:43Hearing that name again froze me for a second.

00:02:45My eyes snapped open.

00:02:47I hadn't been called Anya in six, seven years.

00:02:49I turned and looked at my twin brother, Cole, next to me.

00:02:53Sure enough, he'd reverted to his 12-year-old self.

00:02:56A half-grown boy in a perfectly tailored suit, eyes bright with anticipation.

00:03:00One of his hands was holding my hand.

00:03:02I looked down at his slim, clean fingers.

00:03:05In my head I saw the handprint it had left on my face when we were older.

00:03:08I frowned, yanked my arm free.

00:03:10Cole looked at me confused.

00:03:12Anya!

00:03:13What's wrong?

00:03:14The front door opened.

00:03:15My parents' voices floated up.

00:03:17Cole!

00:03:18Anya!

00:03:19Come down!

00:03:19We've brought your sister home!

00:03:22Cole's eyes lit up.

00:03:23He dropped me and ran down the stairs alone.

00:03:25I stood at the top and watched the four of them downstairs.

00:03:28One big happy family.

00:03:30I pressed a hand to my chest.

00:03:32Strange.

00:03:33My heart was still beating calmly.

00:03:35But the knife-edged pain as before, it was totally gone.

00:03:39Cole and I are twins.

00:03:40For the first 12 years of our lives, my parents only had the two of us.

00:03:44Cole was older by two hours.

00:03:46He and our parents spoiled me into a real deal little princess.

00:03:49Someone joked to my father once.

00:03:51With a temper like your daughter's, thank God she's engaged to Felix already.

00:03:55Or no one would dare marry her.

00:03:57My father's face went black.

00:03:59My daughter wasn't born to be married off.

00:04:01She can stay home for life.

00:04:03I can afford her.

00:04:05My mother and Cole didn't say a word.

00:04:06They just kept showering me with more nice things.

00:04:09A $3 million bracelet was an ordinary birthday gift back then.

00:04:13But it was also the last birthday gift I would ever get.

00:04:15The year I turned 12, an old friend of my father's died of illness.

00:04:19On his deathbed, he asked my father to take in his only daughter, Olivia.

00:04:24And after her coming, my family's love, trust, attention, all of it drifted away from me a little at a

00:04:29time.

00:04:29But I still treated her like my own sister before my 18th birthday.

00:04:33I loved her until the moment I saw her kissing my fiancee Felix in the garden.

00:04:40I snapped.

00:04:42Why are you doing this to me?

00:04:45Do you even see what you're like right now?

00:04:47You're a lunaturk.

00:04:49Cole's eyes were full of revulsion.

00:04:51My parents said nothing.

00:04:52They watched, like everyone else.

00:04:54The pain in my chest had me shaking head to toe.

00:04:56I went at Olivia with a knife, but Cole kicked me into a thicket of thorns.

00:05:00Every single person there crowded around Olivia, trying to calm her down, begging her not to cry.

00:05:05Nobody cared that what I'd had in my hand was just a plastic knife from the cake.

00:05:09My parents had me committed, said I was mentally ill.

00:05:12Cole's kick did real damage.

00:05:14I was coughing up blood day and night.

00:05:16I begged the doctor over and over to call my parents.

00:05:19Not a single call got answered.

00:05:21Then, after another round of electroshock, I stopped breathing.

00:05:24That was when I saw it.

00:05:26The soul shock.

00:05:27The one in the rumors.

00:05:28I traded everything I had to love with her one more chance.

00:05:31This time, no one gets to hurt me.

00:05:33Ana!

00:05:34Sweetheart, come on!

00:05:35You've been waiting for a little sister, haven't you?

00:05:37My mother holding Olivia's hand, smiling, waving me down.

00:05:40Olivia tipped up her clean little face and called me sister.

00:05:43I didn't react.

00:05:44I turned and walked back into my room.

00:05:46Left the four of them looking at each other in the living room.

00:05:49My father, confused.

00:05:51What's gotten into her now?

00:05:52Who upset her?

00:05:54My mother's voice went thin.

00:05:56Maybe she just needs a minute to get used to having a younger sister.

00:06:00It's fine.

00:06:01I'll go talk to her in a bit.

00:06:02Olivia's voice cracked.

00:06:04Mom!

00:06:05Dad!

00:06:05Does my sister not like me?

00:06:07Maybe I should leave!

00:06:11Before my parents could say anything, Cole jumped in.

00:06:13Anya's just a little hot-tentured.

00:06:15Don't be sad.

00:06:16I'll go tell her off in a minute.

00:06:18Cole's so grown up.

00:06:20You take good care of your sister, okay?

00:06:21Their laughter floated up through the floor.

00:06:24I stood up and started going through my things.

00:06:26Too much time had passed.

00:06:28I couldn't remember everything 12-year-old me owned.

00:06:30A closer look.

00:06:31I was almost embarrassingly rich.

00:06:33No wonder Olivia loved taking my things.

00:06:35I scooped the jewelry off the vanity and dumped it into my backpack.

00:06:38I picked up the bracelet and remembered the time she'd smashed it.

00:06:42That was the first time I'd slapped Olivia.

00:06:43She'd hidden behind the door with her eyes red, voice tiny, like I was the one who'd broken her favorite

00:06:48thing.

00:06:49Sister?

00:06:50I'm sorry.

00:06:51I really didn't mean to.

00:06:53I just wanted to look at it.

00:06:55It slipped.

00:06:56Then she'd burst into tears.

00:06:57My parents came running.

00:06:59Cole came running.

00:07:00She had wrapped herself around my mother's leg, sobbing like she was going to pass out.

00:07:04But the moment no one was watching, she looked up at me and smirked.

00:07:07I pointed at her, trying to tell them truth.

00:07:09Anna!

00:07:10How can you be cruel to her?

00:07:12It's just a bracelet.

00:07:13You couldn't have let her have it?

00:07:14Just a bracelet?

00:07:17That bracelet was the gift Cole had bought me with the prize money from his first IT competition.

00:07:21And he'd forgotten.

00:07:24By the time I'd packed up everything, there was a soft knock on my door.

00:07:27My mother, voice soft, almost too patient.

00:07:30Anya?

00:07:31Sweetheart?

00:07:31Come out.

00:07:32Dinner's ready.

00:07:33I didn't answer.

00:07:34I just opened the door and let her walk me down to the dining room.

00:07:37My usual seat had Olivia in it.

00:07:40My father and Cole were both putting food on her plates.

00:07:42I turned to my mother.

00:07:43Should I eat on the floor?

00:07:45Every head snapped up.

00:07:47My mother's grip on my hand tightened.

00:07:50Of course not.

00:07:50My fault.

00:07:51I forgot to have them bring you a chair.

00:07:53Anna, please get Anya a chair.

00:07:55Olivia stood up, her wide, innocent eyes filling instantly.

00:07:57Sister, I'm sorry.

00:07:58I didn't know this was your seat.

00:08:00Here, take it.

00:08:01Cole jumped up and pushed her back into the chair.

00:08:03Shooting me a hard look.

00:08:05Anna, it doesn't matter where you sit.

00:08:07Olivia just got here.

00:08:09Don't scare her.

00:08:10My parents said nothing.

00:08:11They were watching me.

00:08:12So this was tacit approval.

00:08:14I took the chair from the housekeeper and dragged it to the far end of the table.

00:08:18Away from all of them.

00:08:19Cole's hands stalled mid-air over Olivia's plate.

00:08:22And he opened his mouth a few times.

00:08:23Closed it.

00:08:24We finished dinner in that strange, frozen quiet.

00:08:27As I stood up to head back upstairs, my father called after me.

00:08:30He cleared his throat, tried to smile.

00:08:32Anya, Olivia just lost her parents.

00:08:36We're her family now.

00:08:37We should take care of her.

00:08:38My mother chimed in.

00:08:40Yeah, mom knows.

00:08:41You probably aren't used to having a sister yet.

00:08:44But look at her.

00:08:45She's so sweet.

00:08:47Try to spend time with her.

00:08:48You'll grow close.

00:08:49My voice came out flat.

00:08:51And?

00:08:52My mother froze.

00:08:53Maybe I'd never spoken to her in that tone before.

00:08:55My father took a sip of his coffee and forced a smile.

00:08:59Anya, sweetheart.

00:09:00Olivia just transferred to her new school.

00:09:02She's not doing well.

00:09:03So how about...

00:09:03How about you and Cole both drop back a grade so you can be in the same class as your

00:09:08sister?

00:09:08To sell it, he added quickly.

00:09:10Cole already said yes.

00:09:11We're just waiting on you.

00:09:13I looked at Cole and he was staring at the floor.

00:09:16Couldn't meet my eyes.

00:09:18Here we go.

00:09:19Last time around, it was the same.

00:09:21They made me and Cole, who were already in seventh grade, drop back to sixth with Olivia.

00:09:26A year later, my childhood sweetheart Felix, by then thick as thieves with Olivia, transferred

00:09:31into our class on the excuse that he wanted to look after me.

00:09:33After that, the three of them put on their little theater every day.

00:09:37Made up stories about how I was bullying Olivia, got the whole class to freeze me out.

00:09:41Brilliant.

00:09:42But I wasn't going to play with elementary schoolers this time.

00:09:44Waste of a life.

00:09:46I tilted my head.

00:09:47She needs two servants just to get through school.

00:09:51My father's throwing his fork down.

00:09:53Anya, what did you just say?

00:09:55I said, since Cole's already volunteered to be her servant, you don't need to drag me into it.

00:10:00My mother grabbed her arm, eyes wide.

00:10:02Anya, what are you saying?

00:10:04What servant?

00:10:05Your dad just wants you all to spend time together.

00:10:08Get close.

00:10:09I have no obligation to get close to her.

00:10:11Whoever wants to wait on her, can wait on her.

00:10:14I stared at Cole.

00:10:15He'd been frozen like a deer in headlights this whole time.

00:10:19It's settled.

00:10:20The two of you go to elementary school.

00:10:22I'll stay in seventh grade.

00:10:23We leave each other alone.

00:10:24I turned and went upstairs.

00:10:26Left the four of them downstairs, consoling Olivia, who couldn't stop crying.

00:10:30Around nine that night, Cole knocked on my door.

00:10:33Anya, are you asleep?

00:10:35What?

00:10:36Could you open the door?

00:10:38No.

00:10:39The hall went quiet.

00:10:40Just as I thought he'd left, his voice came through again.

00:10:42Anya, you're upset, aren't you?

00:10:45No.

00:10:46You are.

00:10:47Anya, is it because I only paid attention to our new sister today and ignored you?

00:10:51I exhaled.

00:10:51Really?

00:10:52No.

00:10:53Cole, you can get close to whoever you want.

00:10:55I don't care.

00:10:56The hall went quiet again.

00:10:57After a long pause, his voice came back.

00:10:59There was something tired in it.

00:11:00Anya, Olivia, she's really pitiful.

00:11:02She's got such a soft heart, I'm scared she'll get pushed around.

00:11:05Anya, let me stay with her for a year.

00:11:07Once she settles in, I'll transfer back to your school, okay?

00:11:09Right, right, right.

00:11:12The school is funded by your family.

00:11:14You can do whatever you want.

00:11:15I slid my noise-canceling earplugs in, got into bed.

00:11:18The next morning, I walked into the living room with my suitcase and my backpack.

00:11:22Everyone froze.

00:11:26I looked up and saw Felix sitting next to Olivia, my future fiancé, the man who would

00:11:30one day betray me for Olivia.

00:11:32At twelve, he was already a head taller than Cole.

00:11:34The moment he saw me, he jumped up, his soft hazel eyes crinkling, voice all bright.

00:11:39Anya, I'm here to walk you to school.

00:11:41I looked down, saw Olivia's hand still wrapped around his arm.

00:11:45You don't need to walk me anywhere.

00:11:47Ever.

00:11:48If you want to walk someone else, go ahead.

00:11:49Why?

00:11:50I gestured at the suitcase behind me.

00:11:52Felix wasn't the only one looking lost.

00:11:54So were my parents.

00:11:55So was Cole.

00:11:56Anna?

00:11:57What's that?

00:11:58Cole's eyes were red-rimmed.

00:12:00Clothes.

00:12:00And some things I need.

00:12:02And my jewelry.

00:12:03I won't give them up this time.

00:12:04Forgot to mention, starting today, I'm leaving here.

00:12:08What?

00:12:09What?

00:12:10What?

00:12:10All of them at once.

00:12:13My father came over, cold-faced, and crouched down to look at me.

00:12:16Anya, why?

00:12:18Is home not good enough?

00:12:20Where do you even want to go?

00:12:22Boarding school.

00:12:22I set it flat.

00:12:23His hand on my hair was shaking a little.

00:12:25He glanced back at Olivia, hesitant.

00:12:27Is it because...

00:12:28Because of Olivia?

00:12:29Before I could react, Olivia bit her lip and let out a soft, choked sob.

00:12:32What are you saying?

00:12:33Of course not!

00:12:35Anya, you tell us yourself.

00:12:36Why are you boarding at school?

00:12:37It can't be because of your sister.

00:12:39You love her, don't you?

00:12:40Every face in the room was waiting.

00:12:42Hopeful.

00:12:42They wanted me to say yes.

00:12:44I love her.

00:12:44I want to board because I'm being a brat.

00:12:46But I make it my job to disappoint people.

00:12:48No.

00:12:48I don't love her.

00:12:50I hate her.

00:12:50And it's not just her.

00:12:52I hate every single one of you.

00:12:54Their faces went bone white.

00:12:55Only Felix didn't really react.

00:12:56He looked like he thought I was throwing a jealous fit.

00:12:58His face was full of patience and wry indulgence.

00:13:00When I dragged my suitcase past him, he even reached out to help me carry it.

00:13:04I dodged.

00:13:04He didn't get angry, just kept trailing me.

00:13:07My parents tried to come after me, but Olivia's sobbing cut them off.

00:13:10Mom.

00:13:12Dad.

00:13:13Send me to an orphan.

00:13:14I don't deserve to be here.

00:13:17Of course, more cooing, more comfort.

00:13:18The only odd thing was that Cole, for the first time, didn't say a word.

00:13:22Felix was still on my heels and climbed straight into my car.

00:13:25Get in your own car.

00:13:26No, I'm not going.

00:13:27I'm coming with you.

00:13:28My fingertips twitched.

00:13:30Last life around, the same.

00:13:31When everyone else turned on me, the only one who didn't take Olivia's side was Felix.

00:13:35He'd stand behind me when she set me up.

00:13:37He'd snap back at Cole when Cole yelled at me.

00:13:39When my parents got more and more disappointed in me, he'd hold me and say softly.

00:13:42Anya.

00:13:44Don't be scared.

00:13:45You've got me.

00:13:46I'll always just love you.

00:13:48I'd clung to him like a drowning person clings to a piece of wood.

00:13:50Until our 14th birthday.

00:13:52Olivia collapsed out of nowhere.

00:13:53Felix, faster than anyone, shoved me out of the way.

00:13:55And caught her.

00:13:56A fake medium he'd personally brought immediately took the chance and announced my name was

00:14:00bad luck and it was crushing Olivia's fortune.

00:14:02What a flimsy escape.

00:14:03I still remember the shock and embarrassment on every guest's face that night.

00:14:07Every adult in the room could see it for what it was.

00:14:09A staged public humiliation.

00:14:11But my parents took me to get my name legally changed without a single argument.

00:14:15From that day forward, the name I'd had for 14 years, Anya, became a banned word in our

00:14:19house since they called me Mia.

00:14:20Mia.

00:14:20A name picked to protect Olivia.

00:14:22I hated it.

00:14:23I hated it until the day I died.

00:14:26I didn't answer Felix if he'd be transferring to Olivia's class in a few weeks anyway.

00:14:29I took my paperwork and my boarding fee straight to the dorm supervisor.

00:14:33When Felix saw me actually hand the money over, the casual look fell off his face.

00:14:37He finally got it.

00:14:38I wasn't joking around.

00:14:39Anya?

00:14:39Confusion was thick in his eyes.

00:14:42Why do you hate me too?

00:14:43What did I do wrong?

00:14:44His fingers caught at my sleeve carefully and I slapped his hand off hard.

00:14:48Disgust all over my face.

00:14:49Wiped at my sleeve with a tissue, his voice caught in his throat.

00:14:52Anya.

00:14:52I walked off down the hallway to the head's office.

00:14:55Before first period started, I requested a transfer to a new class.

00:14:58When I came around the corner with an armful of books, I saw Felix again.

00:15:01Eyes red.

00:15:03He looked at the books in my arms and his face crumpled.

00:15:06Anya.

00:15:07Don't transfer.

00:15:08Please.

00:15:09In that exact moment, a basketball came flying out of room 7B and clocked him square in the

00:15:13head.

00:15:14I dodged with the books and slipped into the classroom.

00:15:16Felix went down the hallway, paused a stir.

00:15:19A boy in the classroom was still in his shooting follow through.

00:15:21His uniform hung loose on him.

00:15:23His mouth was stretched into an exaggerated...

00:15:25Whoa!

00:15:25Sorry, didn't mean to hit anyone.

00:15:27You good, man?

00:15:27I glanced at him, walked past with my books.

00:15:29I might have been imagining it, but his arm went stiff for a second.

00:15:32Then he leaned on a desk with one hand and pointed casually at the seat next to him.

00:15:36Voice all swagger.

00:15:37Past that is the trash can.

00:15:40Maybe sit next to me?

00:15:43I looked at him.

00:15:44He looked away fast.

00:15:46Uh, the teacher said a new student was coming.

00:15:49Told the class principal, me, to look out for her.

00:15:52He rubbed his face.

00:15:53Rubbed it so hard his ears went red.

00:15:55Class president of 7B, Jace, the certified troublemaker.

00:15:58The kids around me were either laughing at Felix on the floor or sneaking looks at us.

00:16:02I sighed.

00:16:037B's bad reputation was earned.

00:16:05I pressed my lips together.

00:16:08Thanks.

00:16:08I prefer to sit alone.

00:16:10I put my books down at the desk at the very back, against the wall.

00:16:13Jace looked annoyed at himself.

00:16:15His voice got urgent.

00:16:16Hey you!

00:16:17Don't sit there.

00:16:17Trade with me.

00:16:18I'm taller.

00:16:19I'll block your view of the board.

00:16:20Before I could say no, Felix burst in.

00:16:22Face streaked with dust.

00:16:23Slammed his hands on my books.

00:16:26Anya, come back with me.

00:16:29Let go.

00:16:30No.

00:16:32Bro, are you done with the drama?

00:16:34Jace looked at him like he was something stuck to his shoe.

00:16:36She wants to be in our class.

00:16:38Who asked you?

00:16:39Someone from the doorway tossed Jace another ball.

00:16:41He balanced it on one finger, spinning, and gave Felix a look that was pure dare.

00:16:45Felix ground his teeth, looked down at me.

00:16:47I was already organizing my desk.

00:16:48Get out.

00:16:49The bell rang.

00:16:50Felix's hand clenched.

00:16:52Anya.

00:16:53I didn't answer.

00:16:54He gave up, shot Jace a venomous look, walked out.

00:16:56I exhaled.

00:17:01Thanks.

00:17:02Wait.

00:17:02You talking to me?

00:17:04I nodded.

00:17:04He suddenly stood up straight as a board and chucked the basketball at the trash can behind

00:17:08me.

00:17:08I stared.

00:17:09Didn't know what just happened.

00:17:10His face went redder.

00:17:11Reflex.

00:17:12Don't, don't mention it.

00:17:13I caught myself smiling.

00:17:14He went even stiffer.

00:17:17Jace ended up trading seats with me anyway.

00:17:19I told him over and over.

00:17:20It was winter.

00:17:21The trash got emptied off in.

00:17:22There was no smell.

00:17:23But he was firm.

00:17:24He moved me up to the front.

00:17:25You're obviously a neat freak.

00:17:26And a good student.

00:17:28No way I'm letting you sit back there.

00:17:29Like he decided to be the world's most committed class president.

00:17:32He handled every detail of my class transfer.

00:17:35So when the teacher pulled us aside and asked if I could help bring his grades up, I hesitated,

00:17:39then nodded.

00:17:39School life was dry but full.

00:17:41To stay away from home, I signed up for every tutoring program I could find on weekends.

00:17:45Summer and winter breaks, I packed myself off to camps abroad.

00:17:48School work aside, I was starting to look outward.

00:17:50See the world.

00:17:51At first my parents came to school every few days.

00:17:53Then since I always looked at them blankly, they stopped coming.

00:17:56Every so often there was a phone call.

00:17:57They'd sigh into the phone.

00:18:00Anya, we just want you girls to get along.

00:18:03Olivia really misses you.

00:18:04You're not coming home this weekend?

00:18:06No.

00:18:07I didn't say much.

00:18:08Conversations got awkward fat.

00:18:10I just hang up.

00:18:10They said I'm weird and unlikable now.

00:18:12They were right.

00:18:13I didn't have the ability to be adorable.

00:18:15But my brother Cole came every day.

00:18:17Without fail, he carried meals from home, running between the elementary school and the middle school.

00:18:21Sometimes Olivia trailed after him out of breath.

00:18:23She looked at me like I was the villain.

00:18:25Sister, our brother is killing himself doing this.

00:18:28Just be nice and come to our class.

00:18:30I took the meal box from Cole and sat down to eat.

00:18:32Olivia bit her lip, eyes wet, looked at Cole.

00:18:35He wiped sweat off his forehead and gave her a generous big brother smile.

00:18:38It's nothing.

00:18:39Anya, the school food's terrible.

00:18:41I'll bring you home cooking every day.

00:18:42I ignored him.

00:18:43He didn't get angry.

00:18:44When I finished eating, he'd take the empty container and run back to elementary school.

00:18:47Felix came less and less.

00:18:49He stopped pushing me to engage with him.

00:18:51He just spent every break standing by the window, glancing over at me like he wasn't.

00:18:54I pretended I couldn't see.

00:18:57The days went by.

00:18:58The day before my 14th birthday.

00:19:00My parents showed up at the school.

00:19:02Unusually, Cole was with them.

00:19:03When they saw me, both of them did a little double take.

00:19:05My mother's hands shook a bit as she grabbed my arm.

00:19:08You've gotten taller again.

00:19:10Sweetheart, it's been so long since you came home.

00:19:12Her eyes went pink and set off my father's too.

00:19:14There was a catch in his voice.

00:19:16Yeah, Anya.

00:19:18Your birthday is tomorrow.

00:19:19We've got everything set up.

00:19:20Come home, okay?

00:19:21Like he was scared I'd refuse.

00:19:23Cole added quickly.

00:19:23You can invite your friends.

00:19:25Classmates, you didn't come home last year.

00:19:27We waited up the whole night.

00:19:29Right.

00:19:29On my birthday last year, Jace had found out somehow.

00:19:32He dragged the whole goofy crew from class and announced we were going horseback riding.

00:19:37Anya, can you, like, open up a little?

00:19:40I looked at him, lost.

00:19:42He pulled at the corners of his own mouth with two fingers.

00:19:44It's your birthday.

00:19:45Quit being all uptight.

00:19:47Smile.

00:19:48He was sitting up on a tall chestnut horse.

00:19:50Happy birthday.

00:19:51The sun behind him, head tilted to look at me.

00:19:53Thanks.

00:19:56I sat up on the horse, wind in my ears, felt something inside me that had been locked tight.

00:20:01Easy.

00:20:02It wasn't until the next day that I saw all the missed calls from my family.

00:20:06And the pile of birthday gifts Cole had brought to the front of my classroom.

00:20:11I was surprised.

00:20:12Last time my 12th birthday was the last time I got a gift.

00:20:16Anya, come home tomorrow.

00:20:17Cole kept going, but when I turned I saw Olivia holding onto Felix's arm.

00:20:21That memorable naming ceremony night, the nausea was still in me.

00:20:25I frowned without meaning to.

00:20:26Felix yanked his arm out of her hand, fast.

00:20:29I've been looking for you.

00:20:30Olivia said you were here.

00:20:32She brought me.

00:20:33I just…

00:20:33You don't have to explain.

00:20:34I cut him off.

00:20:35I'm busy tomorrow.

00:20:36I'm not coming home.

00:20:39Anya…

00:20:40I turned and went back into the classroom.

00:20:42Behind me my mother have started crying.

00:20:44As I turned the corner I heard a heavy sigh.

00:20:47Honey, did we… we do this wrong?

00:20:53But I don't care about them anymore.

00:20:54Right now I had a butter knife in my hand and I was carefully cutting into a cake that said

00:20:58happy birthday, Anya.

00:20:59The class turned off the lights and the warm wash of candlelight everyone sang.

00:21:03Anya, make a wish.

00:21:05I closed my eyes for a second.

00:21:07Wished.

00:21:08With my whole soul.

00:21:09Please, whoever's listening.

00:21:10Keep me far away from those people this lifetime.

00:21:12When I opened my eyes, Jace was standing in front of me with a small wrapped box.

00:21:16Anya, happy birthday.

00:21:17Open it.

00:21:17I smiled and opened it.

00:21:20Froze.

00:21:20A hair clip studded with crystals.

00:21:22What?

00:21:22You don't like it?

00:21:22Should've asked you first.

00:21:23He scratched at his head, frustrated.

00:21:25The other day I saw you staring at a hair clip on the sidewalk.

00:21:27That one was cheap.

00:21:28So I found a better one.

00:21:29I love it.

00:21:32He froze.

00:21:32I picked up the clip and put it in my hair.

00:21:37His eyes had that soft littering thing happening.

00:21:39No problem.

00:21:40As long as you like it.

00:21:41It's really pretty.

00:21:42It was.

00:21:43Very pretty.

00:21:43A piece by the international designer, Victor, from his Starlight Collection.

00:21:47When I was 17, I'd seen it at an auction and fallen in love with it.

00:21:50I thought my mother would love it too.

00:21:52I'd brought five years of saved up money.

00:21:54Started bidding.

00:21:55But that day, no matter what I bid, Olivia bid a dollar higher.

00:21:59In the end, my mother stepped in and bought the piece for 30 million and one dollars.

00:22:04Absurd price.

00:22:05And she put it in Olivia's hair.

00:22:07They said,

00:22:07You have everything.

00:22:08Why fight a little girl over this?

00:22:10Olivia wore it in front of me every single day, showing off.

00:22:13Mia, it's the gift from mom, but I can give it to you if you beg me.

00:22:17That hair clip became one of my obsessions.

00:22:19And here it was in my palm, three years earlier than it should have been.

00:22:23My eyes filled before I knew it.

00:22:26All of you.

00:22:27Really.

00:22:28It was strange.

00:22:29The heart I'd thought was dead started slowly to beat again.

00:22:34After that day, my family started bothering me less.

00:22:38Even Cole and Felix, the daily fixtures, disappeared for a long stretch.

00:22:41It took the class gossip queen to fill me in.

00:22:45Olivia got crazy.

00:22:46She couldn't bear my parents or Cole, leaving her side for a second.

00:22:50I heard your mom mention sending her to a school abroad and she snapped.

00:22:53Like, totally.

00:22:54Word is, she's even tried to hurt herself.

00:22:56She wanted to recover at home, but she won't let Cole come to school either.

00:22:59Whole family has to camp at home with her.

00:23:00Felix, too.

00:23:01She won't let go of him.

00:23:02His family's having a huge fight with yours about it.

00:23:03I gripped my pen tighter.

00:23:05This was exactly what I'd done in my last life.

00:23:07The more they ignored you, the harder you reached for attention.

00:23:10Tantrums, screaming, all of it.

00:23:12Like a lunatic.

00:23:12Except, she was luckier than I'd been.

00:23:15Her family was patient with her.

00:23:16I was relieved.

00:23:17Not that any of it was my problem.

00:23:18With no one bothering me, I dragged the whole class into intense study mode.

00:23:22If someone slacked, Jace intimidated them.

00:23:25Six months later, we all got into the best high school in the city.

00:23:28I didn't go home once that summer.

00:23:29I went up Mount Kazbek with Jace's family.

00:23:32Turns out his parents were professional climbers.

00:23:34They'd originally planned to summit Mont Blanc.

00:23:36But you had to be 16 to climb Mont Blanc.

00:23:38Jace and I were both too young.

00:23:40Anya.

00:23:40Hot tea.

00:23:41Jace's mother had a soft spot for me from day one.

00:23:44The gorgeous woman with sharp eyes would pull me into a hug and refused to let go.

00:23:48Anya, you're so cute.

00:23:49So pretty.

00:23:50I'm in love.

00:23:51Be my daughter.

00:23:52Did it finally.

00:23:52Honestly, why is my kid a son?

00:23:54Doesn't make sense.

00:23:55Mom, please, be reasonable.

00:23:56Why is your kid a son?

00:23:57Because you don't have a daughter.

00:23:59His father's laugh thundered.

00:24:00The whole summit echoed with it.

00:24:02I caught my breath and looked out at the white world below.

00:24:05Jace shook out a blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders.

00:24:07I turned and saw his parents huddled together, grinning at us like idiots.

00:24:11But the moment we looked back, they snapped their heads away.

00:24:14Beautiful mountain.

00:24:15Beautiful snow.

00:24:18Beautiful young time.

00:24:20Jace's face was red and I couldn't help it.

00:24:22The corner of my mouth turned up.

00:24:26I didn't enroll in the private high school my family owned shares in.

00:24:29Cole lost it and he left Olivia who was getting sicker by the day and skipped a grade so he

00:24:34could be a high school freshman with me.

00:24:37Felix fought his own family.

00:24:39His mother locked him in his room and that ridiculous engagement I'd already brushed off as a joke before summer

00:24:43break.

00:24:44Mrs. Adler, please.

00:24:46Keep an eye on your son.

00:24:48Don't let him keep chasing me.

00:24:49I told his mother without mercy.

00:24:50I told the school in advance to turn away outside visitors.

00:24:53So in three years I saw them maybe four or five times total.

00:24:57The day after the SAT, my parents who I hadn't seen in forever ambushed me at the school gate.

00:25:02I didn't get out fast enough.

00:25:04I don't know how but the two of them looked like they'd aged ten years.

00:25:07My mother walked toward me with this pleading smile.

00:25:10I stepped back without thinking.

00:25:12She froze then covered her mouth and crumpled into my father's chest sobbing.

00:25:16He started crying too.

00:25:19Anya, mom missed you so much.

00:25:21Let me hug you, please.

00:25:23I frowned without meaning to.

00:25:24Who do you miss?

00:25:26Who do you want to hug?

00:25:27Me?

00:25:27You already have a son and a daughter.

00:25:29Smart son who adores his sister.

00:25:31Sweet, well-behaved daughter who respects her parents.

00:25:34Why would you miss me?

00:25:35My mother's sobs stopped cold.

00:25:37She looked up at me, panic on her face.

00:25:39She started shaking.

00:25:43No, that's not real.

00:25:44That was a dream.

00:25:45That wasn't real.

00:25:46She kept shaking her head, mumbling to herself.

00:25:48My father grabbed her, alarmed.

00:25:53Anya, what did you do to your mother?

00:25:55I'm a full meter away from her.

00:25:56I haven't laid a finger on her, Mr. Linster.

00:25:58What did you just call me?

00:25:59Mr. Linster?

00:26:00Anya, are you losing your mind?

00:26:02Your mother and I came all the way here for you, and this is how you-

00:26:05I thought my attitude was fine.

00:26:06Way better than how they'd treated me in my last life.

00:26:09I shrugged, stepped back.

00:26:10See you.

00:26:12Stop right there!

00:26:13He reached for my arm.

00:26:15I dodged.

00:26:17What, you want to hit me, Mr. Linchweski?

00:26:19I think we've spoiled you rotten.

00:26:21You need a lesson.

00:26:23His hand came up.

00:26:25My mother let out a scream that tore out of her chest.

00:26:27No!

00:26:28Don't hit her!

00:26:30She grabbed his arm, sobbing so hard her legs gave out and ended up on the ground.

00:26:34That's why she hates me so much.

00:26:36She covered her face with her hands and laughed and cried into the pavement.

00:26:39I turned to leave and behind me, Jace's mother yelled joyfully,

00:26:42Sweetheart, over here!

00:26:44She and Jace's father were each holding a bouquet, waving at me hard.

00:26:48Jace also stood beside them.

00:26:50I went up on my toes and yelled back,

00:26:52Auntie!

00:26:53I ran to her.

00:26:54She tossed her flowers at Jace and grabbed me and spun me in a full circle.

00:26:58Feels better now that it's over, right?

00:27:00Take a few days.

00:27:01Then we Mont Blanc.

00:27:01Here we come.

00:27:02Um, yes.

00:27:03Jace took my bag.

00:27:04His dad pressed an ice cream into my hand.

00:27:06The four of us walked off together, laughing.

00:27:08And behind us, two figures stood frozen, getting smaller and smaller in the distance.

00:27:14The day we flew to France, Jace's dad was driving, his mom was in the passenger seat

00:27:18humming and both of them lit up.

00:27:20Jace and I, on the other hand, hit the back seats and were out cold.

00:27:24I figured we'd sleep all the way to the airport, and then his dad slammed on the brakes and

00:27:29our heads cracked into the seat back.

00:27:30When I opened my eyes, a dark figure had launched in front of the car.

00:27:34If his dad's brakes hadn't been fast, the guy would have gone flying.

00:27:39Insurance scam?

00:27:40We piled out, but the man on his knees in front of the car was Cole.

00:27:44I hadn't seen him in a year.

00:27:45The sight of him was a shock.

00:27:46He was sooo thin, painfully thin.

00:27:49Middle of summer, and he was bundled head to toe in heavy clothing,

00:27:52and his exposed face was covered in marks.

00:27:54Like claw marks, fingernails, old ones layered with new.

00:27:58A handsome face, basically ruined.

00:28:01I jumped.

00:28:02Jace and his dad immediately stepped in front of me and his mom.

00:28:04You sick, man?

00:28:06You wanna play in traffic?

00:28:07Jace went full volume, and I gave him a quiet thumbs up.

00:28:09He winked.

00:28:10Cole snapped like a stray dog gone feral.

00:28:13He slammed past Jace and threw himself at me, and his whole body was shaking,

00:28:16his red raw eyes pouring tears.

00:28:18Please forgive us.

00:28:18Come home and see mom.

00:28:19She's dying.

00:28:20I'm begging you.

00:28:21He was strong out of his mind.

00:28:22Both Jace's parents together couldn't pull him off me.

00:28:26Jace lost it.

00:28:27He grabbed a tire iron out of the trunk and went to swing it at Cole's head.

00:28:30Jake, don't!

00:28:32I yanked Cole down with me toward the curb.

00:28:34Jace, drop it.

00:28:35Honey.

00:28:36His mother and I shouted at the same time, and it finally pulled him back.

00:28:40The tire iron fell, cracked the pavement.

00:28:42Was he insane?

00:28:44You go to prison for killing someone?

00:28:46I looked at Jace, heart still hammering.

00:28:48He was more shaken than I was, jaw locked, veins standing out in his neck.

00:28:53Something flickered.

00:28:54I felt like I'd seen this exact moment before, and I shook my head.

00:28:57Sweat ran down off my hairline, and I gave in, looked at Cole.

00:29:03I'll go with you.

00:29:04Let go.

00:29:05You're hurting me.

00:29:06Jace and his parents worried about me, so they drove me and Cole home.

00:29:09Cole was not okay.

00:29:11He huddled against the car window, shaking, mumbling garbled stuff.

00:29:15He turned to Jace.

00:29:17I've seen you before.

00:29:19It was you.

00:29:20It was you!

00:29:21I looked at Jace.

00:29:22His face was cold, blank.

00:29:23He also didn't look like himself.

00:29:25My heart skipped.

00:29:27I grabbed his arm.

00:29:28Jace?

00:29:29A grin appeared on his mouth.

00:29:30Your humble servant.

00:29:31At your command, my lady.

00:29:33Okay.

00:29:33Not body snatched.

00:29:35That weird.

00:29:36Definitely him.

00:29:37But Cole was looking at us with more horror now.

00:29:39He shrank further into the window.

00:29:41Already thin, next to Jace's broader build, he looked like a ghost.

00:29:44I felt uneasy.

00:29:45So I took Jace's hand and before I could say anything, his face flushed all the way to

00:29:49his ears.

00:29:50Idiot.

00:29:52Back at the Lindquist house, I didn't know where to look first.

00:29:55The front door, painted over with vicious letters in red.

00:29:58Die slow.

00:29:59Whole family burn.

00:30:00Hypocrites.

00:30:01Jace stepped around the paint, pushed the half-open door.

00:30:03The living room came into view.

00:30:05Tables.

00:30:05Smashed.

00:30:06Chairs.

00:30:07Broken.

00:30:07Couch.

00:30:08Scorched.

00:30:08The spiral staircase had bloody clothes scattered all the way up.

00:30:11I covered my mouth, came close to throwing up.

00:30:13Jace's mom was furious and scared at the same time.

00:30:16She wanted to take me right back out, but Jace, for once, stopped her.

00:30:19Mom.

00:30:21This needs an ending.

00:30:23This is Anya's call.

00:30:24Let her decide.

00:30:25I made a fist, looked at Cole, who'd been silent since we walked in.

00:30:29You dragged me here and now you've gone mute?

00:30:30Where are your parents?

00:30:32Where's your sister?

00:30:33His body swayed, his chapped lips trembled.

00:30:36Dad's in the ER.

00:30:37Mom's in her room.

00:30:38Olivia's is in a psych ward.

00:30:40My chest tightened.

00:30:41You lied to me.

00:30:42You said everyone was home.

00:30:43You said mom was just sick.

00:30:45It's not just my mom.

00:30:46She's our mom, Anaya.

00:30:47She's not.

00:30:48I was breathing wrong.

00:30:49You brought me here for what?

00:30:51I tensed, shifted my weight, blocked Auntie behind me.

00:30:53No, no.

00:30:54I'm not here to hurt you.

00:30:56I swear.

00:30:56Mom is really dying.

00:30:58She didn't finish before my mother came stumbling out of her bedroom in a giant nightgown, hair

00:31:04everywhere, face hollowed out.

00:31:06The second she saw me, she nearly tumbled down the stairs.

00:31:09Anya.

00:31:09My Anya.

00:31:11Sweetheart.

00:31:11Are you hurt?

00:31:13Are you hurt?

00:31:14Anya.

00:31:15My baby girl.

00:31:16I'm so sorry.

00:31:18It's all my fault, my sweet girl.

00:31:21I shouldn't have let those people take you away.

00:31:24Were you scared?

00:31:25My Anya.

00:31:26Two tears fell from her eyes onto the back of her hand.

00:31:30Both of us froze.

00:31:31She knew she had the memory of last life.

00:31:33She was crying for the version of herself who watched her daughter get dragged into a

00:31:36psych ward sobbing until she vomited blood.

00:31:38Crying for the version of herself who let her daughter cling to a car door, begging to

00:31:42be hugged one more time, and turned away.

00:31:44Mia, stop with this insanity.

00:31:46Without you, I still have my son and daughter.

00:31:48My son is sweet and smart and adores his sister.

00:31:51My daughter is gentle and respectful.

00:31:53I can't imagine how I ended up with a neurotic mess like you.

00:31:56You're an embarrassment to this family.

00:31:57An embarrassment to this family.

00:31:59That was the last thing my mother had said to me in my last life.

00:32:01I'd realized a while back, she was starting to get her memories back too.

00:32:04The headmaster had asked me once, confused, if I had a nickname, Mia.

00:32:08Um, your mom texts me a lot, asked me to look after you.

00:32:11It was always normal.

00:32:12But the past two weeks, she keeps getting your name wrong.

00:32:15She'd thought it was a dream, or she'd lied to herself that it was a dream.

00:32:18But then she heard me.

00:32:19She realized it had all really happened, and she broke.

00:32:22Cole, send your mother to a psych ward.

00:32:25She's a better fit for the place than Olivia ever was.

00:32:27Cole, who had only been weeping, raised his head, looked at our increasingly unhinged mother,

00:32:31and dropped to his knees.

00:32:33While we waited for the doctor, I finally pieced together from Cole's broken account what had happened.

00:32:37Three years ago, Olivia had overheard our mother say she regretted adopting her.

00:32:41That broke something in her.

00:32:42The soft sweetness vanished.

00:32:43She turned obsessive.

00:32:44Vicious.

00:32:45Vicious to everyone.

00:32:46Worse to herself.

00:32:47She started cutting herself.

00:32:48Middle of the night, she'd take a knife into our parents' bedroom.

00:32:51Slice open her arm.

00:32:52Bleed.

00:32:53Cutting and crying.

00:32:54Telling them how her father had begged ours to take her in.

00:32:56Saying she loved them.

00:32:57Saying she couldn't be abandoned.

00:32:58The whole family was terrified.

00:33:00No one dared say the words, send her away again.

00:33:02They watched her even more carefully.

00:33:04Used to be out of love.

00:33:05Now it was fear.

00:33:06But she still felt unsafe.

00:33:08She started demanding everyone be with her, day and night.

00:33:11If anyone left, she screamed and clawed at whatever was in reach.

00:33:14Cole and Felix dropped out of school because she'd clawed up their faces.

00:33:17And that's why Felix's family had gone to war with mine a month before.

00:33:20My mother was already not right in the head.

00:33:22She would sit alone in a room and call out softly,

00:33:24My girl.

00:33:25Olivia, thinking her adoptive mother had finally come around,

00:33:28ran in to throw her arms around her.

00:33:30My mother shoved her heart onto the floor.

00:33:32The softness was gone.

00:33:33The way she looked at Olivia was pure revulsion.

00:33:35Olivia finally understood.

00:33:36She wasn't the girl being called.

00:33:38Her adoptive mother was calling someone else.

00:33:40Someone invisible.

00:33:41Her real daughter.

00:33:41Olivia couldn't take the humiliation.

00:33:43She started torturing all of them harder.

00:33:45When she overheard my parents talking about cutting her loose the day she turned 18,

00:33:48she got out the paint and ruined the whole front of the house.

00:33:51I'll expose you.

00:33:52You abused a dead man's daughter.

00:33:54May you all rot.

00:33:55The night before college application deadlines.

00:33:57She demanded that Cole stay up and take her to a bar.

00:33:59When Cole flatly said he didn't want to, she sliced her wrists.

00:34:02Cole panicked, bandaged her, and went.

00:34:04She drugged his drink.

00:34:05By the time Cole came to, it was late the next afternoon.

00:34:08Cole, I matter more than the college, right?

00:34:11I'm the most important, right?

00:34:13Cole shut himself in his room and refused to come out.

00:34:16What was harder to believe was that she'd used my name to lure Felix out too.

00:34:20Cole said Felix's drink wasn't drugged.

00:34:21At least, before he passed out, Felix had been completely alert.

00:34:25Somehow, Felix didn't make it to the application either.

00:34:27Felix's father showed up at our house with men.

00:34:29The men he brought stabbed my father.

00:34:31And dragged Olivia to a psych ward.

00:34:33My mother was still wildly unstable, especially after the doctors arrived.

00:34:37She wrapped both arms around me and wouldn't let go, screaming,

00:34:40Don't take my daughter!

00:34:41Don't take me away!

00:34:43I pried her hands off me.

00:34:44First, I'm not your daughter.

00:34:46Second, my name isn't Mia.

00:34:47And I hate that name about as much as I hate you.

00:34:49You and your husband weren't raising kids.

00:34:51You were running a fight ring.

00:34:53Last one alive gets to call you mom?

00:34:54And honestly, I'm baffled.

00:34:56Every kid you adopt, every kid you raise, ends up a wreck.

00:34:59If you can't love your kids equally, why have them at all?

00:35:01She finally went silent.

00:35:02Eyes huge.

00:35:03Tears non-stop.

00:35:04In the end, like the last bit of air had been pushed out of her,

00:35:06she collapsed to her knees and let the doctors and nurses load her into the car.

00:35:09Past the bushes by the door, I could feel something burning into me.

00:35:12A stare.

00:35:13I turned.

00:35:14Just caught a limping figure walking away.

00:35:16The second I recognized that walk.

00:35:18Anya?

00:35:18Jace was calling me.

00:35:19I turned back.

00:35:20He was tilting or doubling.

00:35:21His outline split into two, three.

00:35:23No, not him.

00:35:24And it was me.

00:35:25Anya.

00:35:26My head was so heavy.

00:35:27I'd walked into fog like a stray ghost drifting, searching with nowhere to go.

00:35:31Anna.

00:35:32Anna.

00:35:33Anna.

00:35:34Someone calling me?

00:35:35But my name was Mia now.

00:35:36I'd had it changed.

00:35:37Anya.

00:35:38Don't scare me.

00:35:40Anya.

00:35:40Who was calling?

00:35:41It sounded like a boy.

00:35:42Voice cracked with panic.

00:35:43It made me want to cry.

00:35:44I wanted to tell him.

00:35:45Don't cry.

00:35:46I'm not worth it.

00:35:47You are.

00:35:48You deserve to be loved.

00:35:49Anya.

00:35:50Is your real name Anya?

00:35:52It's beautiful.

00:35:54So much better than Mia.

00:35:55Anya.

00:35:56From now on, I'll only call you Anya.

00:35:57Don't be scared.

00:35:58If that psycho comes back, I'll throw him out.

00:36:00He tries to choke you again, touch you.

00:36:02I'll kill him myself.

00:36:03Hey, Anya.

00:36:04Don't cry.

00:36:05They just shocked me a couple times.

00:36:06I'm tough.

00:36:06I can take it.

00:36:07Doesn't hurt.

00:36:07Anya.

00:36:08Anna.

00:36:08What's wrong?

00:36:09Why are you coughing blood?

00:36:10You're scaring me.

00:36:11What?

00:36:11Where did these bruises come from?

00:36:13Your brother.

00:36:14Your brother kicked you.

00:36:15Is he even human?

00:36:16Anna.

00:36:17No.

00:36:19Don't close your eyes, please.

00:36:21The blurry voices in the fog, and one clear sobbing voice overlapped.

00:36:24Oh.

00:36:25I know now.

00:36:26I see you.

00:36:28My chase.

00:36:29The boy who'd shared that psych ward with me once and lastly.

00:36:32The boy who, at 18, watched both his parents die saving someone.

00:36:36The boy whose mind broke.

00:36:38The boy who, when Felix had a hand around my throat and his mouth on mine, broke out of

00:36:42his restraints and put a fist through Felix's temple.

00:36:45The boy who, again and again, sat through electroshock for me after I stopped breathing.

00:36:50He broke out of that godforsaken psych ward, set the Lindquist house on fire.

00:36:54Watched them scream and run and shove each other in the flames, all one by one.

00:36:58Then took a piece of broken glass and dragged it across his own throat.

00:37:01We met again, in the fog.

00:37:02He took my hand and led me forward, step by step.

00:37:04Anya.

00:37:05Why didn't I find you sooner?

00:37:07I love you.

00:37:08I love you.

00:37:09I love you so much.

00:37:10You deserve everything.

00:37:12Anya.

00:37:13If we get to do it over, stay far from what hurts you.

00:37:16Love yourself, more than anyone.

00:37:18Promise me.

00:37:18Yes.

00:37:19I want to make the trade.

00:37:21Trade my whole soul.

00:37:22For the love and feeling that girl pawned to you.

00:37:25She doesn't get to lose her ability to love.

00:37:27She has to love herself.

00:37:29She has to grow a heart that loves herself.

00:37:32Please, give it back.

00:37:33The sweet man looked up at the stubborn boy in front of him.

00:37:36His eyes held something almost like pity.

00:37:38All right.

00:37:39In fact, I'll make you a wager.

00:37:45How about it?

00:37:46I bet.

00:37:46This girl, even this lifetime, doesn't learn to love herself.

00:37:50I'll take every memory of you out of her.

00:37:52And you, I'll send back with these memories.

00:37:55You'll watch her, day after day, walk the same path.

00:37:58Unable to speak.

00:37:58Unable to change anything.

00:38:00He held out a hand.

00:38:01A contract.

00:38:02You're wrong.

00:38:04She will learn to love herself.

00:38:06I'm sure of it.

00:38:07The boy didn't hesitate.

00:38:08Gave him his heart.

00:38:09A flash of white light.

00:38:11I opened my eyes.

00:38:13A hospital ceiling and then by the bed, Jace.

00:38:15Slumped forward, gripping my hand like I might disappear.

00:38:19You're awake.

00:38:19My movement had woken him.

00:38:21I looked at him.

00:38:22At the dark circles under his eyes.

00:38:24At the worry he was trying to hide.

00:38:26The tears came before I could stop them.

00:38:27I know.

00:38:29I know it was you.

00:38:30Before he could react, I threw myself into his arms.

00:38:34Two months later, I was discharged.

00:38:36The doctor said it was a short blackout caused by emotional overload.

00:38:39Jace and I got into the same university just like we'd planned.

00:38:42In our free time, Jace put a lot of work into educating amateur climbers about the dangers of snow mountains

00:38:46and basic survival skills.

00:38:48The mountain rescue team we self-funded was now up and running.

00:38:51And his parents.

00:38:52Still the same firecrackers they'd always been.

00:38:54I'd thought about asking them to stop climbing.

00:38:56Jace and I both worried they'd lose their lives saving someone again.

00:38:58Every time I tried, the light in their eyes shut me up.

00:39:01People need to love things.

00:39:03For forcing them to give it up is its own kind of cruelty.

00:39:05Luckily.

00:39:06The fall we turned 18.

00:39:07They saved the climber, clinging to a cliff edge.

00:39:10This time, with a professional rescue team backing them up, nobody got hurt.

00:39:14I saw the headline pop on my phone and grabbed Jace and made him do three laps around the field

00:39:19with me.

00:39:19He finally dropped the casual front.

00:39:21Knelt on the rubber track and cried and laughed for half an hour.

00:39:24I looked down, scrolled.

00:39:25A few headlines also popped out.

00:39:27Adler family declares bankruptcy.

00:39:29Patriarch sentence for hiring a hit.

00:39:31Murder for hire case takes a turn.

00:39:33Olivia Lindquist confesses she drugged Felix Adler and handed him to men known to prey on young men.

00:39:37Love and revenge entangled.

00:39:39Felix Adler strangles Olivia Lindquist in a psychiatric facility.

00:39:43Death penalty likely.

00:39:45Former child prodigy Cole Lindquist found dead at home.

00:39:48Suicide suspected.

00:39:49Hey, why aren't you comforting me?

00:39:51What are you reading?

00:39:52I gave up, took his hand.

00:39:54Comforting you?

00:39:55Not enough.

00:39:56What do you want?

00:39:57He leaned in.

00:39:59You?

00:40:00Shameless.

00:40:02The year we graduated college, Jace and I finally stood on top of Mont Blanc.

00:40:06Snow that never melts.

00:40:08White everywhere, below us.

00:40:09But this time, none of the heaviness from my first climb.

00:40:12I was still just a little worried.

00:40:14I put my hand on his chest again.

00:40:16You really feel fine?

00:40:17Not even a little off?

00:40:19He laughed.

00:40:19Not even a little.

00:40:21Not at all.

00:40:22My Anya is amazing.

00:40:25Loves herself, works hard.

00:40:27Won me my bet so completely.

00:40:29I let out a long breath.

00:40:31Although, don't you think?

00:40:33My heart's beating really fast.

00:40:34You.

00:40:36Pervert.

00:40:36Give me back my sweet, innocent boy.

00:40:38He grinned at me, those two little canine teeth showing.

00:40:41Then his grin faded.

00:40:42He looked at me for a long moment.

00:40:44Anya.

00:40:45Hm?

00:40:45He let go of my hand, took a step back, and then dropped to one knee in the snow.

00:40:49I froze and he fumbled inside his climbing jacket, pulled out a small velvet box.

00:40:53His hands were shaking, not from the cold.

00:40:55I had a whole speech planned.

00:40:57Forgot all of it.

00:40:58You can't imagine how happy I'm the day watched you walked into room 7B with a stack of books.

00:41:02In every life.

00:41:03The one you remember.

00:41:04The one you don't.

00:41:05They told me you'd never learn to love yourself.

00:41:07They said I'd lose.

00:41:07They said I'd watch you walk the same road and never be able to stop you.

00:41:10But you did it.

00:41:12You loved yourself first.

00:41:13He finally looked up.

00:41:14His eyes were wet.

00:41:15Will you let me love you for the rest of this one?

00:41:17I knelt in front of him in the snow, took his face in both my hands.

00:41:21You stupid idiot.

00:41:23That's not a yes.

00:41:24It's a yes.

00:41:25I kissed him.

00:41:27When we pulled apart, he slid the ring onto my finger with hands still shaking.

00:41:32I looked down at it, at the small stone, catching the sun.

00:41:37Tell him he lost.

00:41:38Jace went still.

00:41:39Then he started laughing, really laughing, loud and bright, echoing off the snow.

00:41:45Three months after Mont Blanc.

00:41:47The ring sat on my finger, simple, perfect, real.

00:41:50Jace's mother was in her living room with three binders, two laptops and a phone she kept losing.

00:41:55Anya, sweetheart, outdoor or indoor, pick one, I beg you.

00:42:01Outdoor.

00:42:02She kissed my forehead.

00:42:05He'd argue with me for an hour about chairs.

00:42:08I would not.

00:42:09You would.

00:42:09You did.

00:42:10Last week.

00:42:11About napkins.

00:42:12Old classmates.

00:42:15Your tutor.

00:42:16The lady from the bakery you like.

00:42:18Your roommate from college.

00:42:20They will come for you.

00:42:21That night, in bed, Jace pulled me against his chest.

00:42:24You okay?

00:42:25Yes.

00:42:26Liar.

00:42:27Tomorrow's the fitting.

00:42:29I know.

00:42:31I'll be fine.

00:42:33I know.

00:42:34He kissed the top of my head.

00:42:35You don't have to be fine, Anya.

00:42:37The next morning, Jace's mother drove me to the bridal shop herself.

00:42:40The shop was bright and fancy.

00:42:42The seamstress brought out three dresses.

00:42:44I picked the one with the least fabric, less to think about.

00:42:46The dress fit.

00:42:47I looked in the mirror.

00:42:48A beautiful bride looked back at me.

00:42:50But suddenly something hit me.

00:42:51I sat down on the little velvet stool in the corner of the dressing room and put my hands

00:42:55over my face and started to cry.

00:42:57Jace's mother stepped inside.

00:42:59She knelt down in front of the stool and put both arms around me and held on.

00:43:03I cried into her shoulder until I ran out of tears and then I cried a little more anyway.

00:43:07She wiped under my eyes with her thumb.

00:43:09Better?

00:43:10After a long time, my breathing evened out.

00:43:12A little.

00:43:13Good.

00:43:15She stood up.

00:43:16The dress is gorgeous on you.

00:43:18We'll get it taken in half an inch at the waist.

00:43:22Anya, you're allowed to have a small wedding.

00:43:24You're allowed to have a big one.

00:43:26And you're allowed to cry in a dressing room.

00:43:29But you're not allowed to apologize for it.

00:43:31Hear me?

00:43:32I nodded.

00:43:33She kissed my forehead and walked out.

00:43:34I sat there in the dress for another minute.

00:43:36And then I stood up, faced the mirror and looked at the woman in white.

00:43:39This time I smiled back at her.

00:43:41Look at us.

00:43:42How lucky we are.

00:43:45Two weeks before the wedding and I was sorting old emails on a Sunday morning.

00:43:48Most of it was junk.

00:43:49A coupon from a hiking store.

00:43:51A reminder about my dentist.

00:43:52A receipt I'd lost.

00:43:53Then one with no subject line.

00:43:55The sender was a recovery facility.

00:43:57My finger hovered over delete.

00:43:59I opened it instead.

00:44:00Ms. Lindrist, my name is Dr. Halper.

00:44:03I am writing to you on behalf of a patient in our long-term care program.

00:44:06His name is Cole Lindrist.

00:44:08He has been with us for three years.

00:44:09He asked me only to pass on a message.

00:44:11He wanted you to know that even though he can't face you, he's sorry for everything that happened.

00:44:14And he heard you're getting married.

00:44:15He wanted to wish you both every happiness.

00:44:17Sincerely, Dr. Halper.

00:44:19What's wrong?

00:44:20I turned the laptop toward him and he read.

00:44:22His jaw did the thing it did when he was angry.

00:44:24He kept reading.

00:44:25He read it again.

00:44:29So, what do you think about it, sweetheart?

00:44:31I thought he was dead.

00:44:33In the other life?

00:44:34Yes.

00:44:36This one's different.

00:44:37I know.

00:44:38I looked at the screen.

00:44:40He didn't ask to see me.

00:44:42No.

00:44:43He just wanted to apologize?

00:44:45Yeah.

00:44:46Chase.

00:44:48Yeah.

00:44:49I want to go.

00:44:51Okay.

00:44:53You don't think it's a bad idea?

00:44:55I think it's your idea.

00:44:56That's all I need to know.

00:44:57And I'll drive you and wait in the parking lot.

00:45:00Chase.

00:45:01Non-negotiable.

00:45:02I won't come in.

00:45:03I won't text.

00:45:05But I have to be there when you walk out.

00:45:06He reached up and took my hand.

00:45:09He kissed my knuckles right over the ring.

00:45:11I picked the laptop back up.

00:45:12I wrote three lines to Dr. Halpern.

00:45:14I would like to come.

00:45:15Friday, if possible.

00:45:17The facility was a low brick building outside the city.

00:45:20Pine trees.

00:45:21A pond.

00:45:22Chase turned off the engine.

00:45:23I'll be here.

00:45:24Yes.

00:45:24Take as long as you need.

00:45:26I won't.

00:45:28I got out.

00:45:29Walked through the lobby.

00:45:30Signed in.

00:45:31A woman in a soft cardigan led me down a hallway that smelled faintly of bleach.

00:45:36She stopped at a door marked Visitation Room 3.

00:45:38He's already inside.

00:45:40There's glass between you.

00:45:41It's standard for long-term patients in his level of care.

00:45:44You can stand or sit.

00:45:45There's an intercom.

00:45:46Press the button to speak.

00:45:48She opened the door for me and stepped back.

00:45:50I walked in.

00:45:51Cole was on the other side of the glass.

00:45:52I almost didn't recognize him and he had lost so much weight that his cheekbones were sharp.

00:45:56His hair was shorter than I'd ever seen it.

00:45:58He wore a gray sweatshirt and soft pants and shoes without laces.

00:46:01His eyes were the same color as mine.

00:46:03He stood up when I came in.

00:46:04He looked a little panic.

00:46:05I sat down and pressed the intercom.

00:46:10Hello, Cole.

00:46:13Hi.

00:46:14He pressed his own.

00:46:15His voice was quieter than I remembered.

00:46:17Slower.

00:46:17He didn't waste time.

00:46:19Thank you for coming.

00:46:20I didn't come for you.

00:46:22Can I say what I want you to know?

00:46:24Yes.

00:46:26I made a list.

00:46:29Of the things I got wrong.

00:46:31I thought I would say them to you if I ever got the chance, so.

00:46:34Okay.

00:46:36I shouldn't have let go of your hand on the stairs that day.

00:46:39I shouldn't have kicked you into the thorns.

00:46:42I shouldn't have called you cruel for being upset about a bracelet I forgot I'd given you.

00:46:48I shouldn't have gone along with the name change.

00:46:51I shouldn't have let them put you in that place.

00:46:55He didn't ask me to say anything back.

00:46:57He just listed them.

00:46:58Each thing.

00:46:58Some of the things he said were things I had forgotten.

00:47:00Some of them I hadn't.

00:47:01When he got to the end of the list, he stopped.

00:47:04He looked up at me through the glass for the first time since I'd sat down.

00:47:07That's all.

00:47:08I'm not asking you to forgive me.

00:47:10I wanted you to know that I know.

00:47:12Thank you for telling me.

00:47:15But we're not going to see each other again.

00:47:21He nodded once.

00:47:22Okay.

00:47:23I stood up.

00:47:24I picked up my bag.

00:47:25I had my hand on the handle when his voice came through the speaker.

00:47:28Soft.

00:47:30Oh no.

00:47:31I stopped.

00:47:32I didn't turn around.

00:47:33Have a beautiful wedding.

00:47:35Then I opened it and walked out.

00:47:36In the parking lot, Jace was leaning against the car.

00:47:38He saw me coming and pushed off the door but didn't move toward me.

00:47:41I walked the last 20 feet and stopped in front of him.

00:47:44Hi.

00:47:51Are you okay?

00:47:53Yes.

00:47:54Really?

00:47:56Really.

00:47:57He opened the car door for me.

00:47:59I got in with a smile.

00:48:02The call came on a Tuesday afternoon.

00:48:04I was at the foundation's office reviewing the quarterly report when Jace walked in with

00:48:08his phone in his hand and a look on his face I hadn't seen before.

00:48:11What?

00:48:12Mercier Sport is pulling.

00:48:13I sat down the report.

00:48:15All of it?

00:48:17All of it.

00:48:18They issued a statement an hour ago.

00:48:20On what grounds?

00:48:21Mismanagement.

00:48:22Specific my call last week on the Pyrenees rescue.

00:48:24The call where you brought everyone home alive?

00:48:26That one.

00:48:27Yes.

00:48:28He sat down across from me and I picked up my own phone.

00:48:31The statement was already trending in the climbing community.

00:48:35I looked up.

00:48:36They're going after your dad.

00:48:38Yes.

00:48:40Why?

00:48:41He turned the phone toward me.

00:48:43A second article posted within the hour.

00:48:45An anonymous source claims that the 2007 rescue had been embellished.

00:48:49Claims that one of the climbers had nearly died because of a delayed call.

00:48:52Claims that Jace's father had lied to the press for two decades.

00:48:55I scrolled.

00:48:56The comments were already nasty.

00:48:57I told my dad to ignore it.

00:48:59He won't.

00:49:00He didn't move from the chair.

00:49:02I noticed his hands resting on his knees.

00:49:04Loose.

00:49:04Calm.

00:49:05Too calm.

00:49:06I'll handle the board.

00:49:07We'll find another sponsor.

00:49:08It'll take a year.

00:49:09Maybe two.

00:49:10The rescue work doesn't stop.

00:49:12Jace.

00:49:12It's fine.

00:49:14It's a business problem.

00:49:16Jace.

00:49:17He looked at me and I didn't push.

00:49:19He stood up after a while and went to make calls.

00:49:21I watched him through the glass wall of the conference room.

00:49:24He talked to four people in an hour.

00:49:26Then he hung up.

00:49:27He drank water.

00:49:27He made another.

00:49:29I went to bed at midnight.

00:49:30I woke up at three.

00:49:31The balcony light was still on.

00:49:33I walked to the doorway in my socks and stopped.

00:49:35He was standing at the railing, his back to me.

00:49:37A beer untouched on the little table next to him.

00:49:40The city was quiet at three in the morning.

00:49:42You could see the street lights all the way down.

00:49:43He didn't know I was there.

00:49:44He stood there for another ten minutes without moving.

00:49:47Then he put his hand over his face and bent forward just a little.

00:49:50And his shoulders moved once and then again.

00:49:52I had known this man since I was 13 years old.

00:49:55I had never seen him do that.

00:49:56He'd been the strong one for me for so long that I'd let myself believe he was just made that

00:49:59way.

00:50:00He needed that ten minutes by himself.

00:50:01But when he finally turned around and saw me in the doorway,

00:50:04I walked across the balcony and wrapped both arms around his middle.

00:50:07Tomorrow.

00:50:08Tomorrow what?

00:50:10I handle it.

00:50:11Aina.

00:50:13Believe me.

00:50:15The press conference was at 2pm the next afternoon.

00:50:18I called it.

00:50:19I did not tell Jace until I'd already booked the room.

00:50:21He found out at 9 that morning and walked into the kitchen with his coffee and stared at me.

00:50:26Anya.

00:50:28Yes.

00:50:30You called a press conference.

00:50:32Yes.

00:50:34In my father's name.

00:50:36In the foundation's name.

00:50:37I slid my laptop across the table.

00:50:39He read for a long time.

00:50:40Then he looked up.

00:50:42Where did you get the audio?

00:50:43From the team.

00:50:44All of it is logged.

00:50:46Mercier signed off on the protocol when they came on.

00:50:47I just pulled the files.

00:50:49And the climber for 2007, he flew in this morning.

00:50:50He said they'll speak after me.

00:50:54Anya.

00:50:55You did all of this last night?

00:50:57I started immediately when I knew it.

00:50:59He sat there with the laptop.

00:51:00I watched him.

00:51:01He closed it.

00:51:02He pushed it back to me.

00:51:03He didn't say thank you.

00:51:04He just nodded once and kissed me.

00:51:06The conference room was full at 1.50.

00:51:09Cameras on stands.

00:51:10Reporters in chairs.

00:51:11A long table at the front with a microphone and a pitcher of water.

00:51:14I walked in at 2 on the dot.

00:51:16I sat down.

00:51:17I poured myself a glass of water.

00:51:19I drank half of it.

00:51:20And then I started.

00:51:21I went through the Pyrenees rescue.

00:51:23In order.

00:51:24Wind conditions.

00:51:25Decision points.

00:51:26Time stamps.

00:51:26The exact moment Jace had made each call.

00:51:28I played the recordings.

00:51:30I had every document of the original incident report.

00:51:32The medical records with the surviving climbers signed permission.

00:51:35The radio logs.

00:51:3640 minutes in.

00:51:37I brought up the climber from 2007.

00:51:39He was a quiet man in his 60s.

00:51:41He sat down next to me.

00:51:42He thanked Jace's father by name.

00:51:43He explained what had actually happened in that storm.

00:51:46He cried a little at the end of it.

00:51:48I closed the conference at 4.

00:51:50I walked out the side door.

00:51:51Got in the car where Jace was waiting and sat down.

00:51:53He had been watching the live stream on his phone.

00:51:55I could see it still open on his lap.

00:51:57Anya.

00:51:58All my life.

00:51:59All my life I have been the one who stepped in front.

00:52:01I know.

00:52:03And just now you stepped in front of me.

00:52:05Anya.

00:52:07In this life.

00:52:08It's been you protecting me.

00:52:10It's both of us.

00:52:11We protect each other.

00:52:12By the next morning their CEO had requested a meeting.

00:52:15By that afternoon he was standing in the foundation's lobby holding a bouquet of flowers and a written apology.

00:52:20Jace took the meeting alone.

00:52:21I don't know what he said in that room.

00:52:23When he came out the CEO was paler than when he'd gone in.

00:52:26He kept the apology.

00:52:27He told me later in bed that night that he'd accepted the apology because they would print it.

00:52:32He told me he had not accepted the funding.

00:52:36We don't need them.

00:52:37He kissed the top of my head and finally went to a good sleep.

00:52:41The hospital called on a Thursday morning six days before the wedding.

00:52:44A nurse.

00:52:45Professional.

00:52:45Careful with her words.

00:52:47Miss Linder Streen.

00:52:49I'm calling about your mother.

00:52:50Yes.

00:52:51She has taken a turn.

00:52:52The doctor doesn't think she has long.

00:52:54Days?

00:52:55Possibly.

00:52:56We thought you should know.

00:52:59I hung up.

00:53:00I sat at the kitchen counter with my hands still on the phone.

00:53:04Jace was at the foundation that morning.

00:53:06The apartment was quiet.

00:53:08I made a fresh pot of coffee.

00:53:09I poured a cup.

00:53:10I carried it to the window seat in the living room and sat down with my feet tucked up and

00:53:14watched the city wake up.

00:53:16I didn't call Jace.

00:53:17I just sat there and I wasn't deciding whether to go.

00:53:20Not whether to forgive her.

00:53:21Forgiveness wasn't on the table.

00:53:22It hadn't been on the table since I was 12.

00:53:24The question was simpler than that.

00:53:26How did I want this to end?

00:53:30By next morning I knew.

00:53:31I drove myself.

00:53:32I didn't tell Jace until I was already in the car.

00:53:34He didn't stop me.

00:53:35He just said,

00:53:36Call me when you're out.

00:53:37The hospital was the kind with long quiet corridors and the smell of clean sheets and lemon disinfectant.

00:53:44A nurse showed me to the room.

00:53:46My mother was small.

00:53:47That was the first thing I noticed.

00:53:48She had always been a tall woman.

00:53:50Now she was small in the bed.

00:53:51Her hair was thin and white at the roots.

00:53:53Her hands on the blanket looked like a stranger's hands.

00:53:56There were no other visitors.

00:53:57I didn't know if that was because they weren't allowed in or because there was no one to come.

00:54:01I didn't ask.

00:54:01I walked to the bed.

00:54:02I pulled up the chair and sat down.

00:54:04I didn't take her hand right away.

00:54:05I just sat there and looked at her.

00:54:07Her eyes were closed.

00:54:08Her breathing was shallow.

00:54:10The monitor beside her clicked at intervals.

00:54:12After a while she stirred.

00:54:14Her eyes opened halfway.

00:54:15They were cloudy.

00:54:16They moved slowly across the ceiling.

00:54:18Then the wall.

00:54:18Then me.

00:54:19For a long second they were empty.

00:54:22Then somewhere very far behind them something flickered just for a second.

00:54:26Her mouth moved.

00:54:31Anya.

00:54:33Not Mia.

00:54:33Anya.

00:54:34The name she had taken away from me when I was 14.

00:54:37I took her hand.

00:54:38I didn't say anything.

00:54:39I held her hand for three minutes by the clock on the wall.

00:54:41I felt her pulse.

00:54:42I felt the bones in her fingers.

00:54:43I didn't tell her she was forgiven.

00:54:45I didn't tell her she wasn't.

00:54:46I didn't tell her I had a wedding next week.

00:54:48I didn't tell her about Jace.

00:54:49I didn't tell her anything.

00:54:50After three minutes I set her hand down on the blanket gently.

00:54:53I stood up.

00:54:54She had closed her eyes again.

00:54:56I walked to the door.

00:54:57I didn't look back.

00:54:59In the corridor the nurse asked me if I wanted to leave a number.

00:55:02Would you like to leave a number?

00:55:03No.

00:55:05I walked out into the parking lot and I called Jace from the car.

00:55:10Hi.

00:55:11Hi.

00:55:12Hi.

00:55:13I'm out.

00:55:15I'm out.

00:55:15How are you?

00:55:15I sat with the question.

00:55:17I sat with it long enough that he knew not to ask again.

00:55:21I didn't forgive her.

00:55:23Okay.

00:55:24But I took it out of my chest, the whole thing.

00:55:26I just carried it out of the room and left it there.

00:55:28He was quiet on the other end of the line.

00:55:30Then he said very gently,

00:55:32Come home, Anya.

00:55:34She died three days later.

00:55:36I did not go to the funeral.

00:55:38I didn't tell anyone except Jace.

00:55:39He didn't ask why.

00:55:40He knew.

00:55:43The night before the wedding, the rehearsal was over, the dinner was over.

00:55:46The last of the foundation crew had hugged me and stumbled out laughing toward their hotel.

00:55:51Jace was going to stay with his friends for the last single night.

00:55:53He'd kissed me at the door of the cottage and stood there with his forehead against mine for one long

00:55:58beat.

00:55:59Tomorrow.

00:56:00Yeah.

00:56:01Tomorrow.

00:56:02He left.

00:56:03I was in the cottage by myself, just me in the dress hanging on the closet door, white and patient.

00:56:08There was a knock.

00:56:09I opened it.

00:56:10Jace's mother stood on the porch holding a wooden box.

00:56:13The box was old.

00:56:14The wood was dark and worn smooth at the corners.

00:56:17There was no handle.

00:56:18She held it with both hands.

00:56:20Hi, honey.

00:56:21Can I come in?

00:56:22Of course.

00:56:23She stepped inside.

00:56:24She set the box on the little table by the window.

00:56:27She didn't sit down.

00:56:28I wasn't going to give this to you tonight.

00:56:30I was going to give it to you tomorrow before the ceremony.

00:56:32But I think tonight is better.

00:56:34Okay?

00:56:35I want you to open it after I leave.

00:56:38Okay.

00:56:38She looked at me.

00:56:39Her eyes were bright, but she wasn't crying.

00:56:42Anya.

00:56:42She didn't say whatever it was she'd been about to say.

00:56:44She came across the room and hugged me hard once and kissed me on the side of my head and

00:56:48walked back to the door.

00:56:51Sleep early, baby.

00:56:54I will.

00:56:56The door clicked shut.

00:56:57I stood in the middle of the room.

00:56:58I went to the table.

00:56:59I opened the box.

00:57:00Inside, the things were not arranged.

00:57:02They were just placed.

00:57:03A pencil sketch.

00:57:04In the corner of the sketch and pencil was a date two months before my birthday that year.

00:57:08She had sketched it.

00:57:09Under the sketch was a paper train ticket.

00:57:11The date and the destination still legible in our first climb together.

00:57:14That summer.

00:57:15Under the ticket was a photograph.

00:57:17Me.

00:57:18In a graduation gown from college.

00:57:20I had never seen this photo before.

00:57:21I had not known anyone took it.

00:57:23She had been in the audience that day.

00:57:25So had Jace's father.

00:57:26So had Jace.

00:57:27They had all been there.

00:57:28But I had not been looking and no one had told me they had taken pictures.

00:57:31There were three of them.

00:57:32From three different angles.

00:57:34Under the photographs was an envelope.

00:57:36My name on the front.

00:57:36In her handwriting.

00:57:37Just my name.

00:57:38Anya.

00:57:39I sat down on the floor by the table and I opened the envelope.

00:57:42A single sentence.

00:57:43Thank you for letting us be your family.

00:57:45That was all.

00:57:45I sat on the floor for a long time with the letter in my hands.

00:57:49I read the sentence three times and then I folded the paper.

00:57:52I put it back in the envelope.

00:57:53I put the envelope back in the box.

00:57:54I closed the lid.

00:57:55I stood up.

00:57:56I walked to the mirror over the dresser.

00:57:57The woman in the mirror was barefoot in pajamas with her hair down.

00:58:01But she looked young.

00:58:01She looked like a person about to do something big.

00:58:04I looked at her.

00:58:07You're getting married tomorrow.

00:58:09The woman in the mirror smiled.

00:58:10It wasn't a small smile.

00:58:11It was an enormous smile.

00:58:13The kind that goes all the way up into the eyes.

00:58:18The morning was clear and cold.

00:58:20We held it at the foot of a mountain.

00:58:21The one with the long ridge and the meadow that flooded with wildflowers in early summer.

00:58:25The setup was simple.

00:58:26White folding chairs in two short rows.

00:58:28An arch made of pine and trailing greens.

00:58:31A path of pressed grass between the chairs.

00:58:33The guests were small in number.

00:58:35A few old classmates.

00:58:36Some of the foundation crew.

00:58:37My old high school homeroom teacher.

00:58:39Two of Jace's parents' oldest climbing partners.

00:58:41That was the way I'd wanted it.

00:58:43That was the way Jace had wanted it.

00:58:44I walked the path alone.

00:58:45Jace's mother had offered.

00:58:47So had his father.

00:58:48I had thanked them both and asked to walk by myself.

00:58:50They had understood.

00:58:51I held a small bouquet.

00:58:53Wildflowers.

00:58:54White and pale yellow.

00:58:55The afternoon light was gold on the meadow.

00:58:57Jace was at the arch.

00:58:58He was wearing a navy suit.

00:58:59No tie.

00:59:00His hair was a little too long.

00:59:01He looked exactly like the 17 year old who'd handed me a wrapped box at my 14th birthday.

00:59:06And scratched his head and said I hope you like it.

00:59:08He looked at me the whole way down the path.

00:59:10He didn't try to look composed.

00:59:11His mouth was open a little.

00:59:13His eyes were wet.

00:59:14I walked toward him slowly.

00:59:15I didn't want to hurry in.

00:59:16I wanted to remember every second.

00:59:18When I got to the arch, he reached for my hand.

00:59:20He couldn't help it.

00:59:20He just reached.

00:59:21The officiant smiled and let him.

00:59:23When it came time for the vows, Jace went first.

00:59:25He cleared his throat.

00:59:26He looked at me.

00:59:27He didn't read off a paper.

00:59:28He'd memorized it.

00:59:29I could tell because of the way his hand kept moving like it wanted to hold something.

00:59:33Aina.

00:59:34Yes.

00:59:35I have been waiting for Tay since I was 12 years old.

00:59:37Since a basketball that bounced off the head and you walked past me in the doorway with your arms full

00:59:40of books.

00:59:40A small laugh from the crowd, he didn't break eye contact.

00:59:43I have been waiting for today across more lifetimes than you know about.

00:59:46He took a breath.

00:59:47And through every one of them, the answer has been the same.

00:59:50It's you.

00:59:51It's only you.

00:59:51It will always be you.

00:59:53Thank you, Jace.

00:59:54Thank you for loving me when I didn't yet know how to love myself.

00:59:57He pressed his lips together hard.

00:59:58After the officiant said the words, he slid the ring onto my finger.

01:00:02In that exact moment, the light shifted.

01:00:04The sun was tipping behind the ridge.

01:00:06The peak of the mountain caught it.

01:00:07A long flash of cold spilled down the rock face.

01:00:10Soft and warm.

01:00:11The color of an old lamp burning in a quiet shop.

01:00:13I felt it on the side of my face and I froze for half a second.

01:00:16I had seen that color before.

01:00:18A pawn shop, a counter, a man with pale grey eyes holding a contract.

01:00:21I knew the moment I felt the warmth on my cheek what it was.

01:00:24It was the sun.

01:00:24It was only the sun.

01:00:25But I let myself believe just for that second that someone, somewhere, was watching.

01:00:30That a wager that had been placed on me a long time ago had finally been won.

01:00:33That a man behind a counter had stopped polishing an empty jar and looked up.

01:00:37I looked at Jace.

01:00:38I smiled.

01:00:38I looked down at the ring on my finger.

01:00:40I let it be a goodbye.

01:00:41When I looked up again, the light had moved on.

01:00:43It was just a sunset.

01:00:44Just a meadow.

01:00:45Just my husband.

01:00:46He was watching my face.

01:00:47You okay?

01:00:49Yes, me.

01:00:50He kissed me.

01:00:51Behind us, the guests stood up and clapped and somebody whooped.

01:00:55And Jace's mother was crying to Jace's father's shoulder.

01:00:57And the whole meadow was full of clapping and laughing.

01:01:00And somebody yelled,

01:01:00Kiss her again!

01:01:02He kissed me again.

01:01:03I held his face with both hands and I kissed him back.

01:01:05The mountain stood behind us, old and steady.

01:01:08And the sun finished going down.

01:01:11Ten years passed and it went the way good years go.

01:01:13Which is fast.

01:01:14The foundation grew into something we hadn't dared imagine when we started it.

01:01:17International respected.

01:01:18Quietly the standard in our field for how rescues were taught and run.

01:01:21We trained kids who would have died in mountains once.

01:01:24And who now came back down and trained the next ones.

01:01:26Jace's parents climbed for another seven years before they retired.

01:01:30They didn't retire so much as they slowed down.

01:01:33They wrote a book about it.

01:01:34The book was good.

01:01:35People read it.

01:01:36They are now the kind of figures whose names you say in a certain tone.

01:01:39We had a daughter.

01:01:40We took three months naming her.

01:01:41We made lists.

01:01:42We argued.

01:01:42We wrote names on the fridge and crossed them out.

01:01:45The night before her birth I still didn't know.

01:01:47She came out small and loud and furious.

01:01:48Jace held her in the hospital and looked at me over her head.

01:01:51Hope.

01:01:52Yeah?

01:01:53Yes.

01:01:53That was how she got her name.

01:01:55She is nine now.

01:01:56She has Jace's mouth and my eyes and a temper neither of us can account for.

01:02:00It's a Sunday late afternoon.

01:02:02The light coming in through the big living room window is the color it always is at this time of

01:02:06year.

01:02:06I'm in the window seat with a book.

01:02:07Not reading it.

01:02:08Just holding it.

01:02:09Hope is on the rug.

01:02:10She's drawing something with markers.

01:02:11She's been drawing the same thing for an hour.

01:02:14The kettle clicks off in the kitchen.

01:02:15Jace comes around the corner with two mugs.

01:02:17He sets one down on the little table beside me and he sees something on my face.

01:02:20What are you thinking about?

01:02:22I look at him.

01:02:22I think about everything.

01:02:24About a stairwell when I was 12.

01:02:25About a hallway when I was 13.

01:02:27About a hospital room when I was 22.

01:02:29About a counter in a warm amber light.

01:02:31About a boy who traded everything he had for me to learn one small impossible thing.

01:02:34Nothing.

01:02:35Just that.

01:02:36It's a good thing to be alive.

01:02:37He bends down.

01:02:38He kisses me on the forehead.

01:02:39He goes and sits on the rug next to our daughter.

01:02:42But it's drawing.

01:02:42It's a mountain.

01:02:44I lift the mug.

01:02:45I take a sip.

01:02:45The light through the window is gold and warm and the afternoon goes on.

01:02:51You just leave the door.

01:02:51Everything everything is dimensional.

01:02:51You keep going all the things.

01:02:51It's the Books and Ta trava is at the window.

01:02:51Whatever you want.

01:02:51It's a part of everything, everything.

01:02:51I'm curious about everything.

01:02:51I can tell you what I want.

01:02:51pretty much.

01:02:52I pray with you like toughness.

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