00:00If you're a woman and powerful, you're at risk for being called a witch.
00:05You're probably gonna get called a witch if you're a woman, you're younger than dead,
00:09have an opinion, older than a baby, or if you just don't constantly smile.
00:16Oh, I dropped it. I'm a witch.
00:19That's why as a regular human woman who's powerful,
00:21I think it's kind of offensive to act like someone needs magic powers to be powerful as a woman.
00:26Man, I saw a woman the other day. She was like, who runs the world? Girls!
00:31You're a witch.
00:34Keep on smiling. Don't stop smiling.
00:37You will be burned to death because you're a witch who refuses to smile.
00:44Hey, I'm here with a magical comedian, Jo, and a real-life witch, Melissa.
00:50Thanks for being here.
00:51I mean, if this is too scary for you, you can like...
00:54No, I'm ready. I'm ready.
00:55I feel kind of comfortable here with you guys.
00:58What is a witch?
00:59I think it's important to distinguish witch from witchcraft.
01:03Witchcraft, like mysticism, divination, etc., etc., is its own separate occult thing.
01:08Historically speaking, all you had to do to become a witch was to be a strong, independent woman,
01:12taking up space, and breathing the same air as men.
01:14Jo, what do you think of when you think of a witch?
01:16As far as, you know, the monsters go, I feel like witches are probably the best.
01:21Then maybe, then maybe mummies, then maybe vampires, then maybe zombies, then maybe Frankenstein.
01:34Humans are also monsters.
01:35Do you really think so?
01:36Yeah.
01:40Eat it.
01:41Why do you think powerful women in the media now get called witches?
01:44Like, Beyonce gets called an Illuminati witch, or Hillary Clinton, she gets called a witch
01:49all the time, and I mean, she's not doing anything witchy to me.
01:52It's just a term that's been used for hundreds and hundreds of years to vilify women.
01:56I don't even know what the Illuminati is.
01:58It's just like a secret society, and everyone's scared of secret societies.
02:00I once went to a secret society.
02:03Oh yeah?
02:03Which one?
02:04Went to Skull and Serpent.
02:06They were having a party.
02:07It was like a sexy party.
02:10I didn't understand what was expected of me.
02:13I left.
02:15I left pretty quick, but I got to see a glimpse of it inside.
02:20So here at Report Card, we like to grade our topics.
02:22So today we're going to grade calling women witches.
02:25And we're not going to use regular ABC grades.
02:28We came up with our own.
02:29So A is, how charming.
02:32B is, only in the coven.
02:34C is, keep in the cauldron.
02:36D is, beware.
02:38And F is, vanish.
02:39Be gone.
02:40Here's your chalkboards.
02:43And you guys have this amount of time.
02:49Okay.
03:06It seems like we got so long to go and I already did my answer.
03:10You already gave your answer?
03:12Yeah, it just seems like pretty easy, you know?
03:14Sometimes people are like, oh, I felt like I didn't have enough time and I said this and I wanted
03:19to say that.
03:19Well, what do we do now that our answers are done?
03:22I mean, I thought you were going to use the time that I gave you.
03:25I didn't realize you were going to waste it.
03:32Are you not furious?
03:34Okay, fine.
03:35You know what?
03:35Now we have extra.
03:37I want to change my answer.
03:38I'm changing my answer.
03:39Whoa.
03:39No, I'm changing it.
03:41Now you're just going.
03:41Good thing I have so much time.
03:43I'll change my answer.
03:45Nope, change it again.
03:46I have time.
03:48I'll change it.
03:49Nope.
03:51I am legitimately covered in shock.
03:54Oh boy.
03:55Someone's going to think I'm a coke addict.
03:57I mean, you go to secret parties.
04:00Words get out.
04:01I left.
04:02I left when I knew what was expected of me.
04:05I'm not some kind of sex doll with realistic eyes.
04:08And time.
04:10It's time to share our answers.
04:12Well, I ran out of time and I switched my answer several times because I had an abundance of time.
04:18So I just have a line up and down that could potentially be an answer but C.
04:25Melissa.
04:26B.
04:27Only in the coven.
04:28It's a word that deserves reclaiming.
04:29That's a really nice B.
04:30Yeah, that's great.
04:31That's a really good job.
04:32You did really good.
04:33That's great.
04:34You could have, you know, just put a random line and been like, this is great.
04:38I don't know what I was doing with those six hours.
04:40But you took your time to think of an answer and then you made a nice B and then you
04:45made it decorative.
04:46This is a fucked up game.
04:49I chose A for how charming because I, you know what, I'm taking back the word.
04:55And whenever someone calls me a witch, I'll be like, yeah, I'm a witch.
04:58Hey, I have a game.
04:59Why don't you take 16 hours to answer a goddamn question?
05:03Alright, thanks for being here.
05:04Thank you so much.
05:05I had a fun time.
05:05You get suck a broomstick.
05:11I hope you felt a magical feeling for this episode about witches.
05:16And if you did, please just poke your broomstick on the like button.
05:21Give us a like, you know?
05:22And subscribe because we have tons of other episodes on Report Card about like so many cool topics.
05:28You guys, that's why I've been making them this whole time because they're so cool.
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