- hace 2 semanas
Some history of love you need to watch.
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00:10Stand up straight.
00:12You look like you're apologizing for existing.
00:18The Harringtons are going to be there.
00:21Patricia's son just got into Georgetown.
00:23Like furniture, Jackson.
00:26I'll try.
00:28You'll try.
00:29That's what you said at Easter.
00:30And then you sat in the corner for two hours.
00:34Tuck in your shirt.
00:35And for God's sake, smile when they talk to you.
00:38It's not hard.
00:48You look fine, son.
00:49You're one of the naughty, Barak.
00:56Anywhere you like, hon.
00:58Hey, the corner table just opened up.
01:02First time here?
01:03Yeah.
01:04The house drip is solid.
01:05Or if you want something that tastes like a hug, a vanilla oat latte is pretty unbeatable.
01:08The second one.
01:09Good call.
01:12Vanilla oat latte.
01:13For the guy in the corner.
01:15Thanks.
01:15I'm Rowan, by the way.
01:16In case you come back.
01:41I'm Rowan, by the way.
01:43In case you come back.
01:43Liar.
01:44You've checked your phone three times since I sat down, and you hate your phone.
01:49See?
01:49That's suspicious behavior.
01:51Spill.
01:51There's nothing to...
01:52Jackson, I have known you since the seventh grade.
01:55You have exactly one tell, and it's that you get very quiet and very red when you're keeping something.
01:58You are currently both.
02:04Someone gave you their number.
02:06A guy.
02:07At a cafe.
02:08A guy at a cafe gave you his number, and you're sitting here eating a sad sandwich instead of texting
02:13him?
02:13I don't know what to say.
02:14Jason has a love interest, and he's being a coward about it.
02:17Hey.
02:18Hey.
02:35He already knows who you are.
02:37He texted you.
02:45He already knows who you are.
02:47He texted you.
03:01He told me.
03:15Oh, and this is weird.
03:17Okay.
03:41Ah, fashion.
03:43Show the movie.
03:47Hi, you.
03:49You've been weird all morning.
03:50Weirder than usual.
03:51And your usual is already a solid 8 to 10 on the weird out of school.
03:55I'm fine.
03:56Jackson, you were smiling in the hallway this morning.
03:59I almost called 91-1.
04:02You walked into a doorframe second period.
04:05Ms. Churn asked if you needed the nurse.
04:06The doorframe was poorly placed.
04:10Since when?
04:11I don't know.
04:12I just, I looked up and he was there, by the lockers.
04:17Like, he's always been there.
04:18This is insane.
04:19This is a movie.
04:21What did he do?
04:22Did he talk to you?
04:23He mouched high at me, across the hall.
04:26Oh my god.
04:26You actually like him.
04:28I'm going to pass out.
04:31Remy.
04:33Did you say hi back?
04:36I forgot how my face worked.
04:38You know.
04:39Shut up.
04:49Don't do this.
04:54I have to.
04:55God, I was scared of that.
05:00We're going to see that so many we can see.
05:02I don't see it's going to be a.
05:08I don't know.
05:21Hey.
05:22Jackson.
05:23You're literally speedwalking away from me.
05:25That's a new one.
05:27I wasn't.
05:27I just forgot something.
05:29Your locker's behind me.
05:31Right.
05:33I just, I think maybe we shouldn't talk at school.
05:35It's complicated.
05:38Because of Bryce?
05:39He's not the boss of who I talk to.
05:41And he's definitely not the boss of you.
05:44You texted me until one in the morning last night.
05:47Now you can't look at me?
05:48It's different in person.
05:51Why?
05:52Because in person you're.
05:54You.
05:55You're cute when you blush.
05:57You know that?
06:03I've got you.
06:04Rowan.
06:05Yeah?
06:07I have to.
06:08Class.
06:10See you around, Jackson.
06:15What.
06:16Whatever you think is happening with Rowan, it's not.
06:20I don't know what you're talking about.
06:21Yeah, you do.
06:22I see the way you look at him, and I see the way he looks at you.
06:24It's pathetic.
06:27Hey.
06:28Just.
06:29In the neighborhood.
06:31Thought I'd grab a coffee.
06:43Tobe.
06:55Tobe.
06:55Well, look who it is.
06:56Hey.
06:58I was just around.
07:01Sure you were, honey.
07:04Should I serve this?
07:08Sit anywhere.
07:10I'll bring you something.
07:10I can just order at the sit.
07:14Anywhere.
07:15Vanilla latte.
07:16Extra foam.
07:17Remembered from last time.
07:19You remembered my order?
07:21After school.
07:22Everything with Bryce.
07:23I didn't want to make things harder for you.
07:25You're the easiest part of my week, Jackson.
07:28Noted.
07:30Don't go yet.
07:31You have to work.
07:33So stay.
07:34Read something.
07:35Look pretty by the window.
07:37Just stay.
07:54I've been waiting for you to come back.
07:56Yeah.
08:01Mm-hmm.
08:10Nice shirt, by the way.
08:18Jackson, I had spoiled a K-cheat.
08:25This is insane.
08:30Hey.
08:31Hey, yourself.
08:32Are you whispering on purpose, or is that just your thing?
08:34I'm- my mom's downstairs.
08:36I don't want her to-
08:37Say no more.
08:38Covert operation.
08:39I can do covert.
08:40So, Jess literally threw a dish towel at my head and told me to stop smiling like an idiot.
08:45Apparently, I was scaring customers.
08:47Were you?
08:48Probably.
08:49I couldn't stop thinking about you sitting in that blue shirt looking at me like I'd said something in a
08:51foreign language.
08:52You whispered in my ear, in public.
08:53My brain shut down.
08:55Can I ask you something?
08:56And you don't have to answer.
08:57Okay.
08:58When you came into the cafe that first time, were you just looking for coffee, or were you looking for
09:01somewhere to hide?
09:02Both, I think.
09:03Yeah, I get that.
09:05Do you?
09:05Jackson, I'm gay.
09:06I've known since I was 14.
09:08And for about two years, every room I walked to felt like a place I needed to escape from.
09:11I've never said it out loud.
09:12You don't have to.
09:13Not right now.
09:14No, I want to.
09:14I just- the words get stuck.
09:16Then let them get unstuck whenever they're ready.
09:18I'm not going anywhere.
09:19I'm gay.
09:20That's the first time I've ever...
09:22God.
09:23Hey.
09:24You okay?
09:26I don't know.
09:27Yeah.
09:27I think so.
09:29So here's the thing.
09:30There's this place, the Starlight Cinema, over on Birch Street.
09:32They do these Saturday matinanes.
09:34Old movies, terrible popcorn seats that creak.
09:36It's perfect.
09:37Go with me.
09:38Saturday.
09:38Next week.
09:39Like a date?
09:41Exactly like a date.
09:42Specifically a date.
09:43With me.
09:43Where I buy you popcorn, and you pretend not to be nervous, and I pretend not to stare at you
09:46the whole time.
09:47Yes.
09:48Was that a yes?
09:49Saturday.
09:50One o'clock.
09:50I'll be the guy standing outside looking unreasonably happy.
09:52Okay.
09:53Good night, Jackson.
09:53Good night.
09:54Good night.
09:58Mom?
09:59Hmm.
10:00So Saturday, a few people from school are doing a study group at the library for the History Midmer.
10:04I was thinking I'd go.
10:05Which people?
10:06You've never once voluntarily attended a study group.
10:09Mr. Pemberton said the midter team's going to be brutal.
10:12I figured...
10:13You figured?
10:14What library?
10:15For how long?
10:16The public one.
10:17On Elm.
10:18A few hours, maybe.
10:19No.
10:20Saturday is family dinner.
10:21I've already called Aunt Christine.
10:22You'll be addressed properly by six.
10:23You didn't mention any dinner until right...
10:25This family has obligation at Jackson.
10:26You don't get to drift off whenever you feel like social for once in your...
10:29Okay.
10:32Okay.
10:34You're welcome.
10:34I'm going to go to the next day.
10:37I'm going to go to the next day.
10:38I'm going to go to the next day.
10:40I'm going to go to the next day.
10:41I'm going to go to the next day.
10:42I'm going to go to the next day.
10:43I'm going to go to the next day.
10:46I'm going to go to the next day.
10:48I'm going to go to the next day.
10:50I'm going to go to the next day.
10:52I'm going to go to the next day.
10:52I'm going to go to the next day.
10:53I'm going to go to the next day.
10:56I'm going to go to the next day.
10:58I'm going to go to the next day.
11:02can i come in yeah i heard everything the other night your mother on the phone with you
11:09the things she said about saturday dad dad let me finish please i've been standing in
11:15hall woes and saying nothing for 17 years i told myself i was keeping the peace but
11:20there's no peace in this house is there tell me about it what his name is rowan he works
11:27at a cafe he goes to my school he's the first person who ever made me feel like i wasn't
11:31too much or too little just enough then you should go see him tomorrow
11:42i need you to pick up the wine by four and make sure jackson wears the navy blazer the charcoal
11:46one makes him look solid sorry sit down we need to talk about the mortgage refines us what about it
11:51the rate lock expires monday i've been going back and forth with the bank and i need you to look
11:55at
11:55the numbers now before they close can't this wait it cannot
12:05you came i came i bought these three days ago just in case you're shaking i know nervous
12:15terrified but i'm here that's the bravest thing anyone's ever said to me
12:22so popcorn sweet or salty either's fine nope you don't get to either's find me on our first date
12:28pick one sweet sweet it is
12:34i got both mixed life's too short for compromise that is literally a compromise oh so you are funny
12:41i knew it you can breathe you know it's not a test i know i just i've never done this
12:48before
12:48gone to the movies gone anywhere with someone who wanted me there
12:57well get used to it
13:04i have no idea what that movie was about honestly me neither jackson i'm really glad you came
13:11can i
13:18oh yeah oh hey whatever happens tonight was real
13:27you don't have to go in alone yeah i do tonight was
13:35i know
13:38text me when you're safe i mean it
13:43sit down
13:49i said sit where were you
13:52i told dad i went to the movies
13:56your dad told me he sent you to pick up dry cleaning
13:58the shop closes at four
14:00it's nine fifteen so either your dad lied to me
14:03or you both did
14:06mom
14:06don't
14:07i called you fourteen times fourteen you think that's acceptable
14:10my phone was on silent
14:11i'm sorry
14:12you're sorry
14:12you vanished for six hours on i specifically told you we had plans and you're sorry
14:18go to your room we'll discuss this tomorrow when i've decided what to do with you
14:25how bad
14:27she knows you lied about the dry cleaning i'll handle your mother
14:30that's my problem not yours
14:32dad i'm sorry i didn't mean for you to
14:34jackson stop apologizing for having a life
14:37was it good
14:39the movie
14:39yeah it was really good
14:41good
14:42get some sleep
14:46i've been watching you at school for months
14:48did i ever tell you that
14:49since september
14:51you sat in the courtyard reading and the wind kept turning your pages and you just
14:54you had nowhere else to be
14:56i wanted to be the person you had nowhere else to be with
14:59you were scared to talk to me
15:00the confident barista was terrified
15:03terrified
15:03the cafe was the first time i was brave enough
15:05jess dared me to write my number
15:07i almost did
15:08the shy boy kissed me under a marquee
15:10people surprise you
15:12this is real
15:13and that makes everything harder
15:17you've been weird since we sat down
15:19i haven't been weird
15:21you've reorganized the sugar packets three times
15:24there's stuff i haven't told you
15:26about my family
15:28about why bryce is
15:29the way he is
15:30my mom's been dating his dad for about a year
15:33he's moved in together last summer
15:34so bryce and i were basically stepbrothers
15:36except there's no basically about the hate
15:39that's why he was standing next to you that day
15:41in the hallway
15:42yeah
15:42he didn't choose me
15:43i didn't choose him
15:44but he acts like i personally ruined his life by existing in his house
15:47and being gay makes it worse
15:50being gay makes it sexuality is used omniscient
15:52he used to just ignore me
15:54cold shoulder whatever i could handle that
15:57but once he figured out i was seeing someone
15:58he started making comments
15:59in the house at school
16:00testing how far he could push fried snap
16:03has he
16:04not yet
16:05but he's got friends now
16:06people who think it's funny
16:09garrett
16:10how do you
16:11reami told me she saw them together
16:13laughing about something
16:14after she confronted bryce
16:16of course garrett would love that
16:18someone else who wants to make my life hell
16:19perfect match
16:21who is garrett to you
16:23really
16:23he was my best friend
16:25since we were 12
16:26he was the first person i came out to
16:29what happened
16:30he told everyone
16:31not because he was scared for me
16:33or confused or sting
16:34he traded my secret for poppy like it was a baseball card
16:40cute lunch date yesterday
16:42very romantic
16:43were you following me
16:45or do you just not have a life
16:46garrett saw you
16:47at the diner
16:48holding hands with your little boyfriend
16:49like some hallmark movie
16:50and i live with you
16:53i eat dinner with your mom
16:54you think i enjoy watching her pretend everything's normal
16:57while her son
16:57finished that sentence
17:00i dare you
17:02keep your boyfriend out of my face
17:04or i'll make sure everyone knows exactly
17:06what kind of family i got stuck with
17:11are you okay
17:11yeah
17:12no you're not
17:14i'm not going anywhere
17:15then don't
17:16just stay
17:18no
17:19faith
17:19switch sides
17:20you're here
17:22why does it matter where i
17:23because jackson rowan are sitting together
17:25and i need a clear line of sight
17:26she's been planning this for three days
17:28you're terrifying remy
17:29thank you
17:32over here
17:33sit sit sit
17:35so you're the guy who broke jackson's brain
17:38guilty
17:38he couldn't form sentences for a solid week
17:41it was impressive
17:42i'm right here
17:43and we're thrilled about it
17:45rowan
17:46what do you want to drink
17:47jackson likes the vanilla shake
17:49but he'll never order it herself
17:50two vanilla shakes then
17:53and dream just looks at the teacher and says
17:55completely dead ban
17:56i think the painting speaks for itself
17:58he didn't
17:59the painting did speak for itself
18:01can i get you anything else
18:02another shake
18:04on the house
18:05i'm good thanks
18:06he sure we sure
18:07you've got pie
18:08i could bring you a slice
18:09he's taken
18:10got it
18:10lucky guy
18:11holler if you need the check
18:13oh my god
18:14did that just happen
18:16can we not
18:17say it again
18:18shut up
18:18never
18:23rowan
18:23garrett
18:25didn't know you came here
18:28didn't know you worked here
18:30you look good man
18:31you look
18:31don't
18:36who was that
18:38nobody
18:44rowan
18:48talk to me
18:48please
18:50seeing him just
18:51it pulls everything back
18:52like a trap door
18:53garrett was the first person i ever told
18:55we were 14
18:56sitting in a stupid video game
18:57and i just said it
18:58like it was nothing
18:59it was safe
18:59what happened
19:00for two weeks
19:01nothing
19:01he acted totally normal
19:02i thought okay this is fine
19:03i have a person
19:05then one monday i walked into school
19:06and everyone knew
19:08everyone
19:09he told the entire soccer team
19:10over the weekend
19:11turned it into a story
19:12made himself the hero
19:14yeah he told me
19:15it was so weird
19:15i didn't know what to do
19:16that's not
19:17he wasn't even cruel about it
19:18that's the worst part
19:19he wasn't hateful
19:21he just didn't think my life
19:22was worth protecting
19:22what did you do
19:24survived
19:24badly
19:25i stopped eating lunch at school
19:27wore headphones everywhere
19:28became the version of me
19:28that need anyone
19:30took me a year to figure out
19:31that version was just lonely
19:32with better posture
19:34he was the first person i trusted
19:35and tonight he's standing
19:3610 feet away plates
19:37like none of it happened
19:38like i'm just some guy
19:39you're not just some guy
19:40i know that now
19:42but for a long time
19:43i wasn't sure
19:46i'm not going anywhere
19:49he traded your secret
19:50like nothing
19:50i won't
19:51ever
19:53how are you this brave
19:54and this shy
19:55at the same time
19:57honestly no idea
19:59ask me again tomorrow
19:59and i'll probably be hiding
20:00under my bed
20:03thank you
20:09you've been wearing the same
20:10three hoodies in rotovation
20:11since freshman year
20:12today
20:12that ends
20:14there's nothing wrong
20:15with my hoodies
20:15jackson
20:16babe
20:17you have a boyfriend now
20:18a hot one
20:19who looks at you
20:19like you hung the moon
20:20the least you can do
20:21is retire the hoodie
20:22with the bleach stain
20:22this isn't about rowan
20:24it's absolutely about rowan
20:25and that's okay
20:26but it's also about you
20:27when's the last time
20:28you looked in a mirror
20:29and liked what you saw
20:30that's what i thought
20:32come on
20:32try this
20:33and this
20:35and oh
20:35absolutely this
20:38this isn't me
20:44you alive in there
20:45i look ridiculous
20:48let me see
20:52jackson
20:53what
20:54look
20:57maybe
20:58thanks
20:59for this
21:00for all of it
21:01really
21:02you've been
21:02don't you dare
21:03get sentimental on me marsh
21:04i'm serious
21:05you're always the one
21:06holding everyone together
21:07who holds you together
21:09fine
21:10i'm always fine
21:12that's not what i asked
21:14ask me again sometime
21:15when i'm ready
21:17so you actually know
21:18rowan's whole story
21:19i know everything
21:20every embarrassing detail
21:21every weakness
21:22and you share that
21:23because what
21:24you're a good citizen
21:25because he dropped me
21:26like i was nothing
21:27rewrote the whole story
21:28so he's the victim
21:29and i'm the villain
21:30my dad's marrying his mom
21:31next spring
21:31i have to live with him
21:32i need manageable
21:33and i need him to remember
21:34that he doesn't get to
21:34raise people
21:35then we understand each other
21:37dream stop drawing me
21:38my nose isn't that big
21:39i'm drawing the guitar
21:40you just happen to be
21:42attached to it
21:47so are you guys coming
21:48to the dance together
21:48or what
21:49yeah we're going as a group
21:51we're figuring it out
21:54faith asked me by writing
21:55it on a pizza box lid
21:56for the record
21:57it was romantic
21:58you cried
22:01i had allergies
22:05you okay
22:07yeah just
22:09thinking
22:14here
22:15you looked like you needed
22:16a drink that isn't
22:17awkwardness
22:19thanks
22:22how do you do it
22:23do what
22:23just be
22:24with dream
22:25in front of people
22:26like it's nothing
22:28it's not nothing
22:28it was terrifying at first
22:30i threw up before i held
22:31his hand at a football game
22:32seriously
22:32in a trash can
22:33behind the bleachers
22:34very glamorous rough
22:35being out isn't about
22:36bravery jackson
22:37beside you matter
22:37that what you feel matters
22:38and then doing it
22:39scared anyway
22:40i want to be like that
22:41i just
22:41every time i try
22:42i hear her voice
22:43telling me i'm wrong
22:44she's wrong
22:45you know that right
22:48jason
22:48you're in cop fight
22:54you don't have to
22:54explain today
22:56i get it
22:56it's not you
22:57no i need you to
22:58actually know
22:58when i pulled my hand
22:59away in there
22:59it wasn't because
23:00i didn't want to
23:00it's because i wanted
23:01to so badly
23:02it scared me
23:02then take your time
23:04i'm not going anywhere
23:19you knocked
23:20i left it unlocked
23:21for you ten minutes
23:22ago
23:23i was starting to think
23:24you were standing out
23:24here rehearsing
23:25i was only rehearsing
23:26for eight of those
23:26minutes
23:30it smells like you
23:31in here
23:33good or bad
23:33good
23:34like coffee
23:35and that detergent
23:36you use
23:36you can sit down
23:37the bed doesn't bite
23:41my mom's at
23:42bryce's dad place
23:42until tomorrow
23:43it's just us
23:44no one's going to
23:45walk in
23:45i know that's sort
23:47of what makes me
23:47nervous
23:48we don't have to
23:48do anything
23:49i just wanted you
23:50here
23:51i wanted to be
23:52here
23:53i've been thinking
23:54about it all week
23:57what are you most
23:58afraid of
23:59right now
24:01in general
24:03then i'll get used
24:04to how this feels
24:05and then it'll go
24:06away
24:07it's not going
24:08away
24:08i've never
24:09no one's ever
24:10touched me like
24:11i'm something worth
24:11being careful with
24:13can i kiss you
24:18my heart's gonna
24:19explode
24:22mine too
24:29i'm not letting
24:30anything happen to
24:31you
24:31oh god
24:33oh no
24:33no no
24:37hey
24:37what time is it
24:38it's after seven
24:40rowan
24:40she called twelve
24:41times
24:42twelve
24:42okay
24:44just breathe
24:46we'll figure it out
24:47i was supposed to be
24:48home i didn't even
24:48i don't have a cover
24:49story
24:49i don't have anything
24:50jackson
24:52stop
24:53stay for five minutes
24:55please
24:56i can't
24:57you don't know what
24:58she's like when
24:58yeah
24:59i do
24:59you've told me
25:01can i ask you
25:02something
25:03i really have to go
25:06are you ashamed
25:07of me
25:08what
25:09every time we get
25:10close
25:10really close
25:11you bolt
25:11you're halfway out
25:12the door before
25:12i even my eyes
25:13so i need to know
25:14is it me
25:15rowan
25:15that's not
25:16because last night
25:17meant something to me
25:18and i can't keep
25:19pretending it doesn't
25:20wreck me when you run
25:21i'm not ashamed of you
25:24i have never been
25:25ashamed of you
25:25i'm ashamed of me
25:26of how scared i am
25:27of the fact that
25:28the best night of my life
25:29is something i have to
25:29hide from my own mother
25:30you don't have to hide
25:31from me
25:31i know
25:32that's the part that
25:33terrifies me
25:45inside
25:46now
25:52sit down
25:55i said sit
25:57i've been very patient
25:58with you
25:59the late nights
26:00the lying
26:01the sneaking around
26:02like some
26:03i don't even have
26:03the word for it
26:04mom
26:04i'm not finished
26:06you told me it was
26:07a study group
26:07you told me it was
26:08errands for your
26:09oberon
26:09and the whole time
26:10you were what
26:11running around
26:11with some boy
26:12from a coffee shop
26:13you will not see
26:13him again
26:14you will not text him
26:15you will not so much
26:16as look at him
26:16in that hallway
26:17am i clear
26:18this is a phase
26:18jackson
26:19a confused
26:20embarrassing phase
26:21and when it's over
26:22you'll thank me
26:26she's asleep
26:28i should have stopped
26:29this years ago
26:30not you
26:31her
26:31the way she talks
26:32to you
26:33the way she's
26:34always talked to you
26:35it doesn't matter
26:35it matters more
26:37than anything
26:37i took it from her purse
26:38she'll know
26:39let her
26:41you text that boy
26:42tell him you're okay
26:43and tomorrow
26:45things are going to be
26:45different in this house
26:46i promise you that
26:47your mother loves you
26:48she just loves her
26:48idea of you more
26:49and i'm done
26:51letting that be enough
26:54please just tell me
26:55you're safe
26:56that's all i need
26:58i'm here
26:59she took my phone
27:00my dad got it back
27:01i'm not giving up on us
27:02i'll wait
27:03however long
27:04i'll wait
27:06you went behind my back
27:08you gave him that phone
27:09he's our son
27:10sorice
27:10not your prisoner
27:11i am trying to protect him
27:13from what
27:14from being happy
27:15from being himself
27:15i've watched you shrink
27:16that boy for 17 years
27:18it stops now
27:25morning brother
27:27don't call me that
27:28fair enough
27:29let's skip the family stuff
27:31and get to business
27:31i know about your boyfriend
27:33the quiet one
27:34marsh
27:34his name is jackson
27:36and i don't care what you know
27:37yeah you will
27:38because his mom she cares
27:39a lot
27:41one phone call
27:42that's all it takes
27:43i tell her what her son's been doing
27:45who he's been doing it with
27:46and that little world you two built
27:47gone
27:48you don't know anything about his family
27:52garrett's been real helpful
27:53filling in the gaps
27:56controlling mother
27:57push over dad
27:58kid who can barely breathe
27:59in his own house
28:00you really want to be the thing
28:01that breaks him
28:04walk away bryce
28:06end it
28:07or i make the call
28:09you're doing that thing
28:10where you pretend a giant poster
28:11doesn't exist
28:15i don't know what you're talking about
28:16that one
28:17the one you just walked past
28:19three times during passing period
28:20i take this route to history
28:23your history class is in the other building
28:26it doesn't matter
28:27after everything with my mom
28:29with your boyfriend
28:30say the word jackson
28:32it won't bite
28:33my boyfriend
28:35see
28:36the ceiling didn't collapsed
28:38must be nice
28:39just
28:40signing up
28:41like it's nothing
28:43so
28:46there's a dance
28:48i've heard rumors
28:49i'm not gonna ask you
28:51just so you know
28:52ready to go
28:53yeah let's go
28:59you're not
29:00nope
29:01because if i ask
29:02you'll feel pressured
29:02and then you'll say yes
29:03because you don't want to hurt me
29:04and then you'll spend the whole week panicking
29:05and i'll feel guilty
29:06and
29:06rowan
29:08yeah
29:11go to the dance with me
29:12yeah
29:13yeah
29:14i want to
29:27what do you want
29:28heard you're taking my stepbrother
29:29to the dance
29:30that's cute
29:31that's cute
29:31really brave
29:34you know your mom and i had a nice little chat
29:36she's very interested in your social life
29:38stay away from my family
29:40i'm not doing anything
29:41just keeping concerned parents informed
29:43that's practically community service
29:46you think you're scaring me
29:47i've lived with someone scarier than you my whole life
29:52saturday night marsh
29:53a lot can happen before saturday night
29:59he's talking to my mom
30:01then we stop hiding
30:03all of it
30:04together
30:08so
30:10saturday
30:10saturday
30:12you still good
30:13i'm terrified
30:15but yeah
30:16i'm good
30:20guess westbridge is doing a freak show theme this year
30:24don't
30:25i wasn't going to
30:28i mean
30:28don't let it in
30:34hey calloway
30:35your boyfriend pick out your outfit
30:36or does he just
30:37pick out your
30:40jackson
30:44hey
30:45it's fine
30:46let's just go to
30:48i'm done hiding
30:53you didn't have to
30:54yeah
30:56i did
31:00show's over
31:01get to class
31:03before you spiral
31:04i brought caffeine
31:05and a damage report
31:07how bad
31:08mixed
31:09jenny park told me it was romantic things she's ever seen
31:11kyle brennan called it weird
31:12most people generally don't care
31:13and
31:13faith is losing his mind
31:14he's telling everyone who listened that his friend pulled a movie moment
31:17what about bryce
31:18haven't seen him yet
31:19but jakeshin
31:20you kissed a boy in front of 200 people
31:22that's not something you can undo
31:23and you shouldn't want to
31:26i don't want to underdo it
31:29morning
31:31morning
31:40quite a show yesterday
31:41don't have time for this garrett
31:43you really tanked your life for that kid
31:45he can barely string a sentence together
31:46you don't get to talk about ruining lives
31:49you wrote the playbook
31:50that was years ago
31:51i was
31:51you were my best friend
31:52and you sold me out for a seat at the popular
31:54table
31:55so whatever you and bryce are cooking up
31:57i already survived the worst thing a friend can do to me
31:59you did it
31:59i'm trying to warn you
32:01bryce called someone
32:02jackson's mother
32:03a couple days ago
32:05thought you should know
32:08what happened
32:09garrett told me
32:10bryce called your mother
32:11before the kiss
32:12maybe monday
32:12maybe tuesday
32:14she knows jackson she knows jackson she's known
32:17she hasn't said anything
32:18that scares me more
32:20yeah
32:20me too
32:21whatever's coming we face it
32:23okay
32:25okay
32:31dad
32:32i'm home
32:35sit down
32:37you tell me
32:38i got a very interesting phone call this week
32:40from a boy named bryce
32:41he told me something i didn't believe
32:43so i pulled the records myself
32:48312 texts
32:4947 calls
32:51one number
32:52over and over and over
32:54mom
32:54i'm not finished
32:55he also told me what happened in the hallway yesterday
32:58that you kissed a boy
33:00in front of the entire school
33:02so i'll ask you once
33:05is it true
33:09yes
33:10it's a phase
33:11you're 17
33:12you don't know what you
33:14it's not a phase
33:15you don't get to tell me what it is
33:17i have watched you your entire life
33:19i know you better than you know yourself
33:21his name is rowan
33:22and he didn't take advantage of anything
33:24you think this is brave
33:26humiliating this family in front of your entire school
33:28i wasn't thinking about this family
33:30i was thinking about him
33:31then you've made your priorities very clear
33:34i carried you for nine months
33:36i dressed you
33:37fed you
33:38drove you to every appointment
33:39when you couldn't even look a stranger in the eye
33:42i built a life around protecting you
33:44and this is what you do with it
33:45protecting me
33:47you were suffocating me
33:50everything i did was for you
33:52everything you did was for you
33:54for how it looked
33:55for what the neighbors would think
33:59you will end this
34:01tonight
34:02you will text that boy and tell him it's over
34:05and we will never speak of this again
34:08then maybe i'm not your son
34:31anything
34:33three days
34:3447 messages
34:35nothing
34:36his mom took his phone
34:38that's all this is
34:42you don't know that
34:44yeah i do
34:44because i know jackson
34:46and i know his mother
34:48what if she's
34:49what if he's just sitting in that house alone
34:51and i can't
34:52then we don't sit here feeling sorry about it
34:55i've got a plan
34:58what kind of plan
34:59the old-fashioned kind
35:00his bedroom window faces the back garden
35:02the trellis holds weight
35:03i've tested it
35:05you've tested it
35:06sophomore year
35:08long story
35:09you in or not
35:12that one
35:13tap twice
35:14pause
35:15tap three times
35:16he'll know it's not her
35:18how will he know
35:20because she'd never knock
35:31are you okay
35:35you shouldn't be here
35:38that's not what i asked
35:40she took everything
35:41i can't leave
35:43i can't call anyone
35:45you can hear me right now
35:48that's enough for tonight
35:49go now
35:57i heard you
35:58earlier
36:00at the window
36:03i'm not going to tell her
36:05i should have done something years ago
36:08i kept thinking
36:09if i just keep the peace
36:10you'd be okay
36:11that was the biggest lie
36:12i ever told myself
36:14i'm going to fix this jackson
36:15i need you to hang on a little longer
36:19dad
36:22i'm right here
36:23where amy
36:24it stops tonight
36:25what stops oberon
36:27you'll have to be specific
36:28you're usually so vague about everything
36:31the monitoring
36:31the isolation
36:32the way you've turned his bedroom into a cell
36:34all of it
36:35i'm protecting our son
36:36something you've never had the spine to do
36:39you're not protecting him
36:40you're erasing him
36:41there's a difference
36:42and you know it
36:43he's 17
36:44he doesn't know what he wants
36:45he's confused
36:46and that boy
36:46that boy is the reason
36:48that boy is the first person
36:49who's made jackson smile in years
36:53you're letting him ruin his life
36:54because you're too weak to say no
36:55i watched him shrink
36:57every single day
36:57a little smaller
36:58and i told myself he meant well
36:59i was wrong
37:00gave up my career
37:01everything i've done
37:02the structure
37:03the discipline
37:04it was for him
37:05what will people say
37:06have you thought about that
37:07the neighbors
37:08the school
37:08our family
37:09i don't care what people say
37:10i care that my son cries
37:12behind a locked door every night
37:13and thinks no one hears
37:20you'll regret this
37:21i already regret plenty
37:23this won't be one of them
37:34i'm sorry it took me so long
37:42she's really gone
37:43yeah
37:44sit down jackson
37:48i owe you an apology
37:49not for last night
37:51for every night before it
37:52i watched her chip away at you
37:53for years
37:54i told myself it was just how she was
37:56i thought you didn't see it
37:58i saw everything
37:59i just didn't have the guts to stop it
38:01so tell me
38:02from the beginning
38:04tell me about him
38:08his name is rowan
38:10he works at a cafe downtown
38:12he
38:13he wrote his number on my receipt
38:14the first time i walked in
38:16i almost
38:16threw it away
38:17i was so scared
38:19but you didn't
38:21no
38:22and then he texted me first
38:23because i was too chicken to do it myself
38:24he's kind dad
38:25he's patient
38:26he makes me feel like i'm
38:27allowed to take up space
38:28he told me he'd been watching me at school for months
38:31too scared to talk to me
38:32this guy who seems like he's afraid of nothing
38:34he was terrified of me
38:35sounds like you're both braver than you think
38:37mom called it a sickness
38:39your mother is wrong
38:41about this about a lot of things
38:43you're my son
38:44nothing changes that
38:45nothing
38:53hey
38:54i'm okay
38:55my dad
38:56he made her leave
38:57he what
38:59he chose me rowan
39:02come
39:02i want you to meet him
39:05for real this time
39:06can you come over
39:07i'm already grabbing my keys
39:21you must be rowan
39:22yes sir
39:23i
39:23these are
39:25i didn't know what to bring
39:26come in
39:26he's been pacing a hole in the floor waiting for you
39:31rowan
39:32thank you for making him brave
39:42don't ever go dark on me like that again
39:44i won't
39:46i promise
39:47my dad wants to meet you
39:48like properly
39:49i think he just did
39:51i almost cried
39:52and you locked eating your doorway
39:54that would have been a strong first impression
39:56i brought gas station flowers
39:57i think the bar's already low
40:00so rowan
40:01jackson tells me you work at a cafe
40:03yes sir
40:04the copper kettle
40:05over on birch street
40:07good coffee
40:08terrible honestly
40:09but the company's worth it
40:12i'll have to come by sometime
40:18if you ever scare me like that again
40:19i will kill you myself
40:21she's been like this since the car
40:25glad you're okay man
40:26for the record
40:27i always said you two were inevitable
40:29she literally did
40:31it was annoying
40:37anyone hungry
40:40this is it
40:47i'm here for my things
40:48oberon said three o'clock
40:49i know
40:51he's at work
40:52he asked me to be here
40:54mom
40:54i want to talk to you before you go upstairs
40:56i'm here for clothes jackson
40:58not a conversation
40:59i know
41:00but i need you to hear me
41:01once
41:02and then you can pack whatever you want
41:06you have something to say
41:09say it
41:10i love you
41:10and i spent 17 years
41:11trying to be small enough
41:12to fit inside
41:13whatever you needed me to be
41:14i never asked you to be invisible
41:16i asked
41:16presentable
41:17appropriate
41:17normal
41:18i know
41:19i memorized the words
41:22everything i did was to protect you
41:23the world is cruel
41:24who are different
41:25i was trying to spare you
41:26you weren't sparing me
41:28you were sparing yourself
41:29that's not
41:30fair
41:31maybe not
41:33but it's true
41:34i carried you
41:35i fed you
41:35i fed you when you were sick
41:36i sat up with you every night
41:38i chose every friend
41:39every shirt
41:39every word i was allowed to say at dinner
41:41you chose everything
41:43and i because i thought that's what love
41:44and now what does love look like now
41:46some boy from a coffee shop jackson
41:47his name is rowan
41:49and he didn't teach me what love looks like
41:51he taught me what it feels like to be seen
41:54you're killing me
41:55no mom
41:56i'm just not shrinking anymore
41:59i want you in my life
42:00but not the version of your life where i don't exist
42:02the real one
42:03where i'm gay and i'm scared sometime i'm in love
42:05that's the whole thing
42:06that's your son
42:07i need time
42:10i know
42:11the black tie
42:11for the dance
42:12it brings out your eyes
42:16thanks mom
42:25how'd it go
42:25i told her everything
42:28and
42:28said she needs time
42:29and she told me which tie to wear saturday
42:31that's something
42:32yeah
42:32that's something
42:41you look
42:42you look like someone i'm really proud of
42:44does this work
42:45rumi said navy
42:46but i don't
42:49it works
42:50your mother used to fix my tie before every event
42:53i never learned to do it myself
42:56i'm learning a lot of things myself these days
42:58have the best night of your life
43:00you've earned it
43:02thank you
43:03for everything
43:04that's what i'm here for
43:07always was
43:08just took me too long to prove it
43:20wow
43:24stop
43:24good
43:26me too
43:31everyone's gonna stare
43:33let them
43:41finally
43:42hey
43:43hey
43:43looking sharp marsh
43:47i'm memorizing this for later
43:50i need a photo
43:5117 photos
43:52you owe me this
44:04dance with me
44:07i can't dance
44:09neither can i
44:10that's the whole point
44:13thank you for texting first
44:14thank you for walking into that cafe
44:17i almost didn't
44:19i know
44:21i watched you stand outside for 10 minutes
44:23i'm not shy anymore
44:25yeah you are
44:26that's okay
44:28i like you shy
44:29i like you brave
44:30i like you every way you come
44:35i spent my whole life being quiet
44:37turns out the loudest thing i ever did
44:39was let someone love me
44:40i like you
44:41if i can't
44:42at least
44:4247
44:43that's
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