- 5 days ago
Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a Russian woman who filed her teeth in order to bite of her partner's dong. And, we realize that you should never trust surprise oral.
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00:00The new firework freeze from 5-Hour Energy really makes me think about summer.
00:04And you know what I love about summer, Chuck?
00:06What?
00:06Freedom.
00:09Yeah, me too. Freedom from pants.
00:11Jesus, Chuck, put some pants on.
00:13What? It's summer.
00:22Another nasty dick story to share next.
00:25A jealous wife bit her husband's penis off.
00:29Using teeth she'd sharpened with a file.
00:35After seeing a text about a raunchy dream he had.
00:39Oh my God, he just had a dream and she filed her teeth sharp and bit his dick up.
00:45Oh, don't get married, guys.
00:46This is why you're single, Chuck.
00:47Don't get married, guys. What are you guys doing?
00:49We need these stories to remind you.
00:51You guys are insane.
00:52You guys are insane for signing up.
00:56A jealous wife bit this guy's penis off.
00:59After sharpening her teeth, she's been sentenced to five years in prison.
01:03The 39-year-old Russian woman confessed to filing down her teeth before carrying out the sickening act of revenge.
01:11There was another woman involved.
01:13She had seen a message from another woman on her 41-year-old husband's phone.
01:17Okay.
01:17In the message, the woman described an erotic dream about having sex on a beach.
01:22After seeing this, the wife believed the message was proof that her husband was cheating on her.
01:27That's pretty close.
01:28She then began planning her bloody revenge.
01:32I mean, that's a bit extreme reaction.
01:34I can't even imagine, like, filing your teeth.
01:36That's going to take some time, you know?
01:38His wife cooked dinner.
01:40I've got files.
01:41They sat down, enjoyed a meal together, some wine, and they went to bed, where she said,
01:47time for a little treat.
01:48Uh-oh.
01:49Oh, you should know right then and there.
01:51She started giving him oral.
01:53Yeah, I mean, you should know.
01:54Like, if I was with somebody for a long, long time, and then they were like, yeah, let's
01:58go to bed.
01:58They made you dinner, and then they-
02:00I wanted to blow you.
02:00Yeah.
02:01I want to give you a BJ.
02:02I'd be like-
02:03You still wouldn't-
02:04You wouldn't resist, though.
02:06That's it, Chuck.
02:07Would you resist?
02:08No way.
02:09Hey, let me check your teeth.
02:10No way.
02:10Let me check how sharp your teeth are.
02:13You've been filing your teeth.
02:16Your teeth are incredibly sharp.
02:19They're sharp enough to cut the skin.
02:21Get out of here.
02:22I mean, very suspect.
02:24Any teeth can chop them off, though.
02:25No one wants to do that anymore.
02:28No one wants to do that.
02:30How long have you been together?
02:32If you haven't had oral in your life in years, and all of a sudden, boom.
02:35No one wants to do that to you anymore.
02:37But if it's a part of your normal sex life, you could be thrown off.
02:41Yeah.
02:42I mean, that is the only time.
02:44I mean, but most guys who are married, like, that part gets skipped.
02:49Okay?
02:50Okay?
02:51You're just doing it.
02:52You're just doing it.
02:54She starts giving him moral.
02:57Chomp.
02:58At that moment, she bites off his penis with her teeth.
03:04Her incredibly sharp teeth.
03:06I've never...
03:07You don't need to sharpen them to do it.
03:10You can just bite it off with your regular teeth.
03:12You don't need them sharp.
03:14He lost consciousness from the shock.
03:17Oh, I can't even...
03:18But only briefly.
03:19Yeah, you're coming back around.
03:21He came to.
03:22So much blood.
03:24Yep.
03:25Where's my penis?
03:27He decided to put it in a glass.
03:29Okay, so he had it still.
03:31She spit it out.
03:32He had saline solution at home.
03:34So he just figured, okay, I'll cover it with saline.
03:37I don't know if that's going to do anything, but...
03:39He called an ambulance.
03:41Putting it right in the freezer.
03:44Paramedics tried to reattach the husband's manhood.
03:47Wait, paramedics?
03:49Oh, where are we?
03:50Where are we?
03:51In Russia.
03:52Okay.
03:55Listen, give me threads.
03:56Give me threads.
03:57Needles.
03:58Give me sawing.
03:58I don't know if we should do this on way.
04:00Wait, tell them.
04:01I have sawing machine.
04:02Come here.
04:03No.
04:05Singer.
04:05I got the singer sewing machine.
04:08Wing.
04:09They have ones with the feet.
04:12Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.
04:14Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom.
04:15Bring penis.
04:16Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.
04:18I think attached.
04:19Russians are crazy.
04:21Paramedics shouldn't be reattaching a penis?
04:24They're the closest thing to a doctor, I guess they have.
04:28Wow.
04:29Not shockingly, they were unable to make it work.
04:33No, you have to attach all the blood vessels and everything.
04:38You know what I mean?
04:38Takes the ass.
04:40You can't just put it together like Lego.
04:42In an ampulet.
04:45Listen, I attach skin to skin.
04:47Everything, okay.
04:49Okay.
04:50And you know what I mean?
04:53Oh my God.
04:54What are you doing?
04:56It's just dead flower.
04:58Don't worry.
04:58I attach skin to skin, everything, I okay.
05:06Yep.
05:07Come on, man.
05:09Wouldn't you be like, hey, wait for a specialist?
05:12I mean, I don't know.
05:13Do they do this here?
05:13I mean, I don't, do they even know?
05:15Do you even know about a specialist?
05:18I have no idea what life is like there.
05:20We only, only are propaganda version of it.
05:23He claims, and this is just his claims, that he had never cheated on his wife.
05:27There was just some woman who's been texting him that he had nothing to do with.
05:31But, well, anyway, the wife has been sentenced to five years in a Russian women's colony.
05:38You don't make it through that, do you?
05:40Her husband left with a dead wiener.
05:43I mean, don't, okay.
05:44They have reattached something to him, but it has not worked.
05:50Okay.
05:50And he has not been able to find a new partner.
05:53No.
05:53The only thing that can help him now is a penile prosthesis, an internal penis with a pump to achieve
06:01an erection.
06:01He has no other options now.
06:03I have a strong desire for a Russian lady.
06:07I know you do.
06:08You always have.
06:10But.
06:11But you cannot cheat on a Russian lady.
06:18No.
06:19They sharpen their teeth and bite it off, dude.
06:25And they get mad about you.
06:27You can't.
06:28They file their teeth to sharp points and plan a crazy evening that includes oral.
06:35What are you thinking, dude?
06:38I hope the romantic couple that got engaged on the Empire State Building, it doesn't end like this for them.
06:43It will.
06:44It will.
06:44They're very passionate people that they are.
06:47Oh, my God.
06:48It will end.
06:50No one will ever see this coming, though.
06:53I just.
06:54The fact that someone took the time to file their teeth to sharp points is nuts.
07:01Does it hurt so bad?
07:03Filing your teeth?
07:04It doesn't.
07:05Really?
07:06Mm-mm.
07:06How'd you know?
07:07How do you know?
07:09What are you talking about?
07:10I filed a couple teeth.
07:11You have not yet.
07:12I have.
07:13I really have.
07:13I really have done it.
07:14What?
07:16You're doing at-home dentistry?
07:18You're wild.
07:19You can file your teeth.
07:20You biting off dogs?
07:21No.
07:22I'm ready.
07:23Don't accept door from him.
07:25Don't lay down.
07:26Don't lay down.
07:28It doesn't hurt to file your teeth.
07:31There's no, like, real feeling.
07:33It's just.
07:33Can I just go back for a second?
07:35Can you imagine bouncing down a Russian road as two paramedics are trying to reattach your
07:40penis in a moving ambulance?
07:42No.
07:42Like, none of that makes sense.
07:44No.
07:44Does it say how?
07:46Like, did they tape it or they sewed it?
07:48I don't know.
07:49They don't, they don't say.
07:51I assume they have to sew it.
07:52I think they just bandaged it, right?
07:54I think it was a silly putty.
07:57Russian silly putty.
07:59Oh, man.
08:00So now the woman is suffering from rotten teeth behind bars.
08:04Her estranged husband believes that's karma.
08:06Well, yeah.
08:07I mean, your teeth, it's not recommended.
08:09Well, you've done it.
08:09Which one is it?
08:10Which one is it?
08:11It doesn't say.
08:12Because the one right there is gorgeous.
08:14I just know it.
08:15Stop it.
08:15She wasn't with that guy.
08:18What do you mean?
08:19The one in the brown hair.
08:22Like, that's the wife?
08:23I don't know.
08:23No, we don't know.
08:24It could just be showing random pixelated Russian women.
08:28Because the guy, wasn't he big?
08:30The big guy?
08:31This guy.
08:32Oh, that was the guy.
08:33That's him.
08:33Yeah, that's the guy.
08:35They're not together.
08:36I don't know who his wife is.
08:37Yeah, I don't.
08:38It better not be her.
08:40If it was her, I'm furious.
08:42Why?
08:43That she would be with him?
08:44Well, that he blew it.
08:46He would cheat on her.
08:46You're a dummy.
08:47But he claims he didn't cheat on her.
08:49Just some crazy woman is texting about her erotic dreams.
08:52Okay, all right.
08:53Okay, I have crazy women texting me about erotic dreams.
08:57I had sex with you in a dream last night.
08:59You believe him?
08:59Oh, you did?
09:01Oh, my God.
09:02That's so nuts.
09:03No, he's lying.
09:04You found?
09:05Is this him?
09:07I think it is.
09:10That's him.
09:11That's him.
09:12Is this his wife?
09:14He's a doctor.
09:15He's a doctor.
09:16He's a doctor.
09:16He gained a little bit of weight.
09:18But who's the woman?
09:20That's him.
09:20I don't know.
09:20But he's a urologist.
09:23Well, he should have attached it himself.
09:26Right.
09:27Because to me, is the woman hosting this podcast with him look much like the pixelated Russian
09:40lady?
09:41Is he in?
09:43What is he talking about adult films for?
09:47I'm not sure about the pianesses.
09:49Oh, maybe how it's he's talking about what we talk about all the time that watching too
09:54much porn probably.
09:57Because he's like adult feelings.
10:00You don't have to translate everything.
10:02Penis potency.
10:03Oh, for God's sakes.
10:03Give me.
10:04I just want to see the lady.
10:06No, there's no way that's her.
10:07I don't know who that lady is, but.
10:11I don't know who that lady is either.
10:13Why would they be?
10:14I don't know.
10:14I don't either.
10:15My God.
10:18Isn't the wife in prison?
10:21Yeah.
10:21You'd think.
10:22You would think.
10:23So you think that was before?
10:24I wondered if that was from like court or like sentencing or anything like that, but
10:31I don't know.
10:32I do not know.
10:35It's just nuts because you just know he got his penis just chomped right off, which is
10:39crazy.
10:41I don't know who we're looking at now.
10:44I don't know.
10:45I'm just searching this guy's name.
10:47I'm searching this guy's name to see if I can learn anything else about him.
10:51I can't believe they didn't release her name.
10:53No, you're right.
10:54Like they.
10:55But I don't know how Russia.
10:57Yeah.
10:58Works.
10:59Jason's excited.
11:00What?
11:00No, you're not excited.
11:02Nope.
11:03Okay.
11:03It's too bad.
11:05Yeah.
11:05Yeah.
11:06If you get yourself a Russian lady, just be very careful.
11:09Like it's like very careful.
11:12It's a different life.
11:14Yes.
11:15No, no doubt.
11:17Watch yourself, Chuck.
11:19Oh, I'm good.
11:20I mean, I'll be fine, but.
11:22And be careful.
11:23That's the key takeaway.
11:25Be always very, very careful with surprise oral.
11:30Oh, you have to be like.
11:32If you haven't been blown in years and all of a sudden someone's offering to blow you.
11:36What's going on?
11:37Yep.
11:40Surprise oral.
11:43Roll the dice.
11:43I know you do.
11:44We'd all.
11:44We all would.
11:45That's that.
11:46They know how to get us.
11:47You guys are saying no to that.
11:48They all know how to get us.
11:50I know you're.
11:50Blow us.
11:51Check the teeth.
11:52That's all I can say.
11:53You gotta look like a tiger.
11:54I'm going for it anyway.
11:57Imagine they were filed like in the points, you know, like you filed them into not just
12:03like, you know, sharpening them, but literally made them into points.
12:08That's right.
12:09Go for it.
12:11Okay.
12:12Be careful down there.
12:13You.
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