- 12 hours ago
Pull Me Closer, Professor Episode ENGSUB College Romance
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Four years. You'd think by now this place would feel like home.
00:04Mom died before I could remember her face.
00:07Dad followed when I was nine.
00:10Aunt Vera says I have stubbornness to be back at Team Zoom.
00:13Aunt Vera, I'm back on campus.
00:17Did you eat? Don't skip meals just because I'm not watching.
00:19I ate.
00:21Paloma, last year. Make it count, okay?
00:26I'll try.
00:32Senior year, one last September, then I disappear from here and no one will notice.
00:44Have you heard about the new physics professor?
00:47They say she made a grad student cry on her first day at her last university.
00:50Ice queen. Apparently she never smiles.
00:58I am Professor Zinnia.
01:00I don't repeat myself.
01:01I don't accept excuses.
01:03And I don't care about your feelings.
01:05You.
01:07Last row.
01:09Entropy is the measure of disorder in a system.
01:12Poetic.
01:13Also imprecise, incomplete, and exactly the kind of answer that earns you nothing in my class.
01:21She looked at me like I was nothing.
01:23So why did it feel like she saw everything?
01:34Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
01:36Are you dead?
01:37Please don't be dead.
01:38I can't afford the lawsuit.
01:41You don't look fine.
01:42You look like someone who organizes her notes by color.
01:44Oh wow, you actually do.
01:47Can I have that back?
01:49Lyra, transfer student, chaos enthusiast.
01:51You?
01:52Late.
01:53Perfect.
01:54Me too.
01:55We're bonded now.
02:01So here's what I figured out in 48 hours.
02:03The soup here is a war crime.
02:05The library smells like heartbreak.
02:06And you?
02:07You eat alone every single day.
02:09Are you stalking me?
02:11Observing.
02:12There's a legal distinction.
02:14I've decided to adopt you.
02:17I'm not a stray cat.
02:19You literally eat in the corner and avoid eye contact.
02:22You're the definition of a stray cat.
02:24I don't need friends.
02:26Great.
02:27I don't need permission.
02:29Voice.
02:29Last week I assigned reading.
02:3240 pages.
02:33Who didn't finish?
02:36Voss.
02:37Stand up.
02:43Your assignment.
02:45Where is it?
02:47Professor, I...
02:48My laptop crashed and I...
02:50Are you blind?
02:51Or just...
02:52brainless?
02:54Brainless?
03:01The deadline was 72 hours ago.
03:04A laptop crash takes 10 minutes to resolve.
03:07You had 4,300 minutes.
03:10Sit down.
03:10Don't waste any more of them.
03:12That woman is a psychopath.
03:23Before you leave, Professor Zinnia requires a teaching assistant for this semester.
03:28Appalachians are open through Friday.
03:30Details on the department board.
03:33Don't even think about it.
03:36Friday.
03:41You're thinner.
03:43I'm fine, Aunt Vera.
03:44You always say that.
03:46Even when you were 12, standing at the funeral home.
03:49In shoes two sizes too big.
03:51I'm fine.
03:52You don't have to be fine.
03:54Not with me.
03:55I applied for a teaching assistant position.
03:57Professor Zinnia's class.
03:59The one they call the Ice Queen?
04:01She's...
04:02Precise.
04:03I want to learn from that.
04:04Just promise me.
04:06Don't disappear into someone else's world to avoid building your own.
04:09I promise.
04:13Good afternoon.
04:14I'm a volunteer.
04:15A volunteer who brings books.
04:17Sit.
04:18Sit.
04:19Poetry mostly.
04:20And one physics textbook wrong bag.
04:22Keep the physics.
04:23My daughter would say poetry is a waste of neurons.
04:27She sounds intense.
04:28She is.
04:29She got that from her father.
04:30I gave her the stubbornness.
04:31You have kind eyes.
04:33The kind that have seen too much too early.
04:36You're very perceptive.
04:38I'm very old.
04:40Same thing.
04:51Professor Zinnia, the lecture summaries are organized by week.
04:54I cross-referenced the syllabus with...
04:55Page seven.
04:56Third paragraph.
04:57Home entanglement describes part of metaphor connected.
05:00Fundamentally.
05:01Used isn't where precision's demanded a qualifier.
05:03I can fix.
05:03You can redo all of it.
05:05If one page is careless, every page is suspect.
05:08I'll have it back by this afternoon.
05:09You'll have it back by noon.
05:22No errors?
05:24Not as hopeful as I expected.
05:26That's all.
05:27Is there anything else for today?
05:28The Midterdam problem sets need formatting.
05:31Templates are on the shared drive and stop hovering.
05:35Would it change anything if I did?
05:37No.
05:38But most people do anyway.
05:41This is an intervention.
05:43I'm fine.
05:44You've said I'm fine 6,000 times since I met you.
05:47You reek of printer ink and despair.
05:51She's demanding.
05:53Not unreasonable.
05:55She made you redo 30 pages over one word.
05:58One imprecise word, Paloma.
05:59You're defending her.
06:00That's the part that scares me.
06:02I just want to prove I belong there.
06:04You belong everywhere you stand.
06:07You don't need her to confirm that.
06:13Put that down.
06:14I'm sorry.
06:15It fell.
06:15I didn't get out.
06:20Professor Zaninia, Vos was selected through proper channels.
06:23His qualifications are...
06:24Irrelevant.
06:25His preliminary annotations.
06:2717 errors in 12 pages.
06:29Three of them fundamental.
06:32He's a strong student.
06:33I don't need strong.
06:35I need precise.
06:36He is neither.
06:37I'll select my own assistant.
06:39Or I'll work without one entirely and you can explain to departments where your flat shop
06:42course has no TA support.
06:43Who do you want?
06:45Paloma.
06:46The girl who applied and didn't make the cut?
06:49The girl whose application had zero errors.
06:58Professor Zaninia.
06:59I'll be brief.
07:00The TA position is yours.
07:02What?
07:03But the results have changed.
07:06Don't understand.
07:06This isn't charity.
07:08You are simply the least interrestating option available to me.
07:12When do I start?
07:14Tomorrow.
07:158 sharp.
07:15My office.
07:16Bring nothing you aren't prepared to have criticized.
07:18And Paloma, I don't repeat instructions.
07:21Ever.
07:26You're early.
07:27You said you don't repeat instructions.
07:29Sit.
07:29Rule one.
07:30Everything in this office stays in this office.
07:32Rule two.
07:32I am not your mentor, your friend, or your confidant.
07:35Rule three.
07:36Don't make me regret this.
07:37I won't.
07:41We'll see.
07:54Hey, did you get it?
07:57No.
07:57What?
07:58That's insane.
07:59You had the highest GPA and...
08:01It's fine.
08:03They chose someone qualified.
08:05You are someone qualified!
08:07You should...
08:08Chag.
08:09Chag.
08:28Professor Zinnia?
08:40get up we're going to the night market i don't want to that wasn't a question pick one the frog
08:46or the dinosaur shagog i really thought i had it but moping in bed won't make professor ice
08:53queen change her mind fried squid might you're impossible that's the nicest thing anyone said
08:59to me today just like that no explanation no warning the door was open but the room was closed
09:13he's been at this for 23 years never lost his nerve once must be nice knowing exactly what to cut
09:19and
09:19what to keep we're not talking about surgery our way we absolutely are he offered to mentor you
09:25part-time at the veterinary sciences wing real work stable i'm not telling you what to choose
09:30i'm telling you choices exist not everything worth doing has to hurt
09:56what are you doing here visiting auntie meng i come every thursday she's sleeping i know
10:05you should go home you too the vending machine only had green tea i know it's not your preference
10:30you're two minutes early you said don't be late i didn't say arrive early either sit the mid or
10:36dom data needs recoding the previous format was inadequate the format you last week last week i
10:41had lower standards sit column three your variable labels are inconsistent which labels here pomoma you
10:50see it yes hold still why are you doing this doing what this all of it you shut me out
11:06email only
11:07no contact a week of silence and now you pull me back into this room and you touch me like
11:13i corrected
11:13your data don't dramatize why did you shut me out and then pull me back don't flatter yourself
11:19then look me in the eye and tell me i imagined all of it you're dismissed leave the files
11:27you look like a thermometer about to pop i'm not what happened in that office
11:31nothing it's warm in here it's warm in here paloma i'm your friend your only friend statistically
11:37talk to me she confuses me she not confusion on your face babe that's something worse
11:48stop stop this
11:54you gave this a 62 i'm aware of what i gave it the methodology is sound the signalists are current
11:59falls as every framework you outlined in lecture and yet it's mediocre no you graded this differently
12:03because of what happened because you're you think i'd compromise adamic standards over what a power
12:08outage a candle over the fact that you're scared you don't know the first thing about what scares me
12:13you want a lesson in fear i have other ways to make you remember your place then teach me get
12:20out
12:23professor now
12:43she could have said anything done anything to push me away she chose the one thing that would pull
12:48me closer
12:51and she knows it
13:05the thing about rumors is they don't need to be true
13:10they just need to be loud
13:16i'm gonna ask you something and i need you not to deflect
13:18sure are you sleeping with her no god no she's my professor that's not a denial that's a job title
13:27i'm not judging you i'm scared for you
13:31miss sue would you care to explain why your derivation skips three steps and arrives at a
13:36conclusion that violates conservations of energy implied physics doesn't deal in implications
13:40it deals in proof
13:45i'm sorry that was necessary necessary
13:48necessary she humiliated me in front of 40 people and called it necessary
13:55annie
13:55mrs meng she collapsed this afternoon they've moved her to the icu i thought you'd want to know
14:00what happened i have to go
14:10how is she
14:12stable
14:14for now
14:15can i see her
14:16why
14:17because i care about her
14:19visiting hours ended at eight
14:21i know
14:23i'm not leaving
14:46she held on
14:48all night
14:49she held on
14:54i can't leave
15:14i couldn't send it
15:26i'll have it done by tomorrow
15:30tonight
15:31tonight then
15:32the hospital called
15:34my mother's white cell count
15:35i know
15:36i called the nurses station this morning
15:40you didn't have to do that
15:42i know
16:01i said don't read into it
16:03i had extras
16:05you don't eat chocolate
16:07you told your mother it gives you migraines
16:09then clearly they're not for me
16:11stop making this a conversation
16:21she gave you the chocolates
16:24she said she had extras
16:26since she decided caring about people was a tactical ezra
16:28she'll never tell you what it means
16:30but the fact that she let you see it
16:32palema
16:33that's not extras
16:33that's a woman who doesn't know how to say what she feels
16:36so he says it and pretends it's chocolating
16:37she went three stores
16:38three
16:39for a woman she claims is just the least annoising option
16:41i know what chocolate means
16:43i know what silence means
16:44the question is whether she'll ever let herself mean it out loud
16:51you won't even look at me
16:52after everything
16:55there's nothing to look at
16:57god you're still doing this
16:58the ice queen act
16:59it was boring three years ago
17:01then why are you here
17:04because i heard your teaching again
17:06playing human
17:07i wanted to see it for myself
17:18sinia wait this isn't
17:23and now
17:24what you'll just keep punishing every woman who gets close
17:27that little ta of yours
17:29is she next
17:31leave
17:33make me
17:35professor zinnia
17:36your three o'clock meeting is now
17:38and you must be leaving
17:41she's brave
17:43you'll fix that
17:53there is no three o'clock meeting
17:57you shouldn't have done that
18:00you shouldn't have done that
18:00probably not
18:02thank you
18:07the sound of someone trying not to break in public
18:10i've been making it my whole life
18:16that's three days now
18:20zinnia
18:21it's me
18:23at least eat something
18:29professor
18:30i brought congee
18:31and the grading rubric you wanted for next week
18:34i'll leave it here
18:35you don't have to open it
18:45i checked your office
18:46the hospital
18:47the parking lot
18:48this was my last guess
18:50then your instincts are unfortunately accurate
18:52you don't have to talk
18:53i'll just sit here
18:54i didn't ask you to come
18:57i know
18:58she said i don't know how to love without destroying
19:00she's not wrong
19:01she's your ex
19:02she's supposed to say the cruelest possible thing
19:04and if it's true
19:05then you'd have destroyed me by now
19:06you haven't
19:08why won't you leave me alone
19:10because someone should have stayed for you the first time
19:22you should have let me stay lost
19:33get up
19:33we're leaving
19:36i have reading to finish
19:38you've been reading the same page for three days
19:41i checked
19:42you haven't turned it once
19:44i'm declaring an emotional detox day
19:46non-decatable
19:47doctor's orders
19:47you're not a doctor
19:49i'm pre-law
19:50close enough
19:51i argue people into wellness
19:52you look terrible
19:54perfect
19:54let's go
19:55get in
19:56paloma
19:57in four years you have never once done something stupid
19:59that's the real tragedy of your life
20:01i've done plenty of stupid things
20:04name one
20:06exactly
20:06get in the cart
20:16see one day without thinking about quantum physics or impossible women and you remember
20:21you're 22
20:22i'm sorry
20:23i don't know why i'm
20:25don't apologize
20:26cry
20:27that's the whole point
20:32i don't know what's happening with you
20:33you don't have to tell me
20:34but i'm not going anywhere
20:37okay
20:37even when you're being annoyingly mysterious and emotionally constipated
20:41i don't know what's happening with you
20:44no
20:44no
20:44no
20:45no
21:14She always pulls me back.
21:15And I always let her.
21:22Tomorrow.
21:34You're early.
21:35You said nine.
21:37I said nine.
21:38It's 8.47.
21:42Sit down.
21:43We need to review the lecture material for next week.
21:46Black holes.
21:48Gravitational collapse.
21:50Event horizons.
21:51Singularities.
21:51You're covering all of chapter 12?
21:53Just the section on points of no return.
21:56Do you know what an event horizon actually is?
21:58The boundary around a black hole.
22:00Beyond it, nothing escapes.
22:02Not even light.
22:03Textbook answer.
22:04It's not about physics.
22:05Not really.
22:05It's about the moment you'd realize you've crossed a line pulling.
22:08There's no inward.
22:08And you can't fight it.
22:09You can't even see it happening back.
22:10Every force in the universe pulling you inward.
22:12You can't fight it.
22:13You can't even see it happening until it's already done.
22:15What does?
22:16Gravitational collapse.
22:17Pay attention.
22:22Most people think black holes destroy everything.
22:25They don't.
22:27They transform it.
22:29That sounds lonely.
22:31It is.
22:33What if someone fell in winningly?
22:36Then they'd be a fool.
22:38Or brave.
22:44You should go.
22:45Why do you always do that?
22:47Open a door, then slam it shut?
22:49Because I know what's on the other side.
22:52So do I.
22:59Professor Zinnia, it's Dean Jovan.
23:01May I come in?
23:02One moment.
23:05Good.
23:06You're both here.
23:07I'll be direct.
23:08An anonymous complaint has been filed with the Factory Ethics Board regarding, and I quote,
23:14inappropriate conduct between a professor and her teaching assistant.
23:17And you're here to investigate?
23:21I'm here to inform you, formally.
23:23The board will review the complaint next week.
23:25I trust there's nothing to find.
23:32Get out.
23:34Now.
23:41Sit down.
23:43I'd rather stand.
23:44The Dean will call you in this afternoon.
23:47Standard procedural interview.
23:49You'll answer every question truthfully, which means you'll say there is no relationship,
23:54because there isn't one.
23:55We are professor and teaching assistant.
23:57Nothing more.
23:58Whatever you think happened.
23:59Whatever I think happened, or nothing happened.
24:02That is the truth.
24:04Say it.
24:06Nothing happened.
24:08Good.
24:09Now leave.
24:10And don't come to this office unless summoned.
24:12You know, you don't have to make it hurt this much to make it convincing.
24:18An anonymous concern was raised, and the university has an obligation to follow up.
24:23I understand.
24:25How would you describe your working relationship with Professor Zinnia?
24:30Professional.
24:31She assigns tasks.
24:33I complete them.
24:35Has she ever asked you to meet outside of academic setting?
24:39No.
24:40Has she ever made you feel uncomfortable?
24:43Professor Zinnia is demanding.
24:45That's not the same as appropriate.
24:47No.
24:47It isn't.
24:48Thank you, Ms. Sue.
24:49That will be all.
25:00You were called to the dean's office.
25:03It was nothing.
25:05Routine check on the TA program.
25:07Pomoma.
25:09What?
25:10I'm not stupid, and I'm not blind.
25:12The way you talk about her.
25:14The way you don't talk about her.
25:17The hours you spend in that office.
25:18The fact that you cried for three days after she canceled classes, and you won't tell me why.
25:23You're in love with her.
25:27It's not what you think.
25:29I'm not judging you.
25:31I'm scared for you.
25:33She's your professor.
25:34She has all the power.
25:35She's your professor.
25:38She has all the power.
26:03I can literally hear you overthinking through the wall.
26:06I'm not ready for...
26:07It's coffee.
26:08Not a marriage proposal.
26:09One hour.
26:13You don't have a hamster.
26:15Exactly.
26:16Untraceable.
26:21One hour.
26:23Showgauge said you're a physics TA.
26:24That's intimidating.
26:25Former TA.
26:26It's complicated.
26:27Everything worth doing is I switched majors three times.
26:31There it is.
26:32You have a great laugh.
26:33You should let it out more.
26:34So what finally stuck?
26:35Your major.
26:36Art history.
26:37I like studying beautiful things that don't love you back.
26:40I know the feeling.
26:47I know the feeling.
26:54Sunia, the department meeting moved to...
26:56Don't do this to yourself.
26:58I'm not doing anything.
27:00That's the problem.
27:04Close the door on your way out.
27:14She told me this could never happen.
27:17She told me to forget.
27:19So why does moving on feel like betrayal?
27:47Where are you?
27:51Professor Zinnia, you said you needed the Mitterdarm files reviewed.
27:55Close the door.
27:57There are no files, are there?
28:00No.
28:01How was your evening last Thursday?
28:04Excuse me?
28:04The cafe on Woming Road.
28:06Seven o'clock.
28:07The girl with the earrings.
28:09You were watching me?
28:11I was passing by.
28:13You don't live anywhere near Woming Road.
28:15Is that what you want?
28:17Someone who smiles on command?
28:18Someone uncomplicated?
28:20Maybe.
28:21Yes.
28:21Maybe that's exactly what I want.
28:23Then go.
28:24Go be happy with someone simple.
28:25Don't do that.
28:28Don't pretend you're giving me permission when you're really asking me to stay.
28:34I'm not asking you anything.
28:36No.
28:36You never ask.
28:37You dismiss.
28:38You cancel classes and disappear in the next me at midnight like nothing.
28:41I told you this was over.
28:43Then why am I here?
28:45Do you call me to an empty building at nine o'clock at night?
28:48Because I can't stop.
28:50Can't stop what?
28:51Thinking about you sitting across from her, laughing.
28:53The way you used to my office before I...
28:55Before you what?
28:57Before I ruined it.
28:59You didn't ruin it.
29:00You ran from it.
29:00And I was right to.
29:03Look at us.
29:04Look at what this does.
29:06At least she's not afraid to want me.
29:07Listen.
29:21This can never happen again.
29:26Cinnia.
29:28Don't.
29:32But it did.
29:43You don't have to explain.
29:45I could tell.
29:47That's not fair to you.
29:48You deserve an actual explanation.
29:51Okay.
29:52Explain.
29:53My heart is somewhere it shouldn't be.
29:55And it wouldn't be right to keep pretending it isn't.
29:58You know, most people just say I'm not feeling a connection.
30:00You're wonderful.
30:02That's what makes this worse.
30:03Whoever it is, I hope they know what they have.
30:07They don't, do they?
30:23You broke up with Morwen.
30:25It wasn't a breakup.
30:27It was one date.
30:28And you ended it because of her.
30:34I'm not going to lecture you.
30:36I just need to know, are you okay?
30:39No.
30:41Okay.
30:42That's honest.
30:43That's something.
30:52That's honest.
31:00You kissed me like the world was ending.
31:03And now you can't even walk past me.
31:11You can't just...
31:12You kissed me.
31:13You don't get to pretend it didn't happen.
31:15Lower your voice.
31:17No.
31:17You dragged me into an empty room.
31:19You held my face in your hands.
31:21You kissed me like you meant it.
31:22And then you ran.
31:25It was a mistake.
31:27Say that to my face without looking away.
31:31That's what I thought.
31:33What do you want me to say?
31:35That you feel it too.
31:41Saturday.
31:437pm.
31:44My apartment.
31:45My apartment.
31:48Don't be late.
31:58What am I doing?
32:08Hot date it with your mystery study group?
32:10It's not.
32:11I'm just going to dinner.
32:12With a friend.
32:13You've changed tops.
32:16Four times for a friend.
32:19Wear the dark blue.
32:21It makes you look like you're not trying.
32:24Whoever it is, you look terrified and happy.
32:26That's either very good or very bad.
32:28I don't know which one yet.
32:30Just come home, okay?
32:33I told myself I wouldn't come.
32:35I told myself 12 times between campus and here.
32:37My feet didn't listen.
32:42You're late.
32:42You said 7.
32:46It's 7.02.
32:47Then you're late.
32:52You cooked.
32:54Don't sound so alarmed.
32:58Is this supposed to be...
33:01It's carbonara.
33:04Approximately.
33:05Approximately.
33:09That bad?
33:12I've had worse.
33:14You're lying.
33:18I'm being diplomatic.
33:20I haven't cooked for anyone in three years.
33:22Then I'm honored to survive it.
33:37You drove 20 minutes to avoid being seen with me.
33:40I drove 20 minutes because they have better pastries.
33:46Stop smiling like that.
33:47You look conspicuous.
33:50I look happy.
33:51You should try it.
33:52Eat your cake.
34:09In public, I don't exist.
34:12I'm not her student.
34:14Not her lover.
34:15Not even someone she recognizes.
34:19I'm no one.
34:29You canceled on me three times this week.
34:33I've been busy with TA work.
34:35On a Saturday night.
34:37On a Sunday morning.
34:41I'm not stupid, Paloma.
34:43You disappear for hours.
34:45You come back smelling like someone else's apartment.
34:47You won't look me in the eye.
34:48I don't need to know who.
34:49I need to know you're okay.
34:52I'm okay.
34:54You've changed.
34:56And not in a good way.
35:04I want to tell Shayog.
35:06Not everything.
35:07Just that there's someone.
35:10No.
35:11She's my best friend.
35:12She already suspects.
35:13And if she talks.
35:14If she talks, it reached the department.
35:16If it reaches the department, I lose everything.
35:20What about what I'm losing?
35:22What are you losing?
35:23Her.
35:23My best friend.
35:25Because I can't stop lying to her face.
35:29Then that's the cost.
35:31Is that what I am?
35:33A cost you manage?
35:35She holds me like I'm everything.
35:37Then walk past me like I'm nothing.
35:39And I keep letting her.
35:42Am I disappearing into her?
35:49You've lost weight.
35:50I've been busy.
35:51Vinyls are coming.
35:52That's not what I asked.
35:53You stopped calling on Wednesdays.
35:55You canceled twice last month.
35:56And right now you're sitting in my kitchen.
35:58Looking like you haven't slept in a week.
36:00Auntie.
36:00I'm not interrogating you.
36:02I'm telling you what I see.
36:04If you love someone, and the only way to be with them was to become invisible, would
36:10you stay?
36:10I watched your mother disappear into a man who made her feel small.
36:13She stayed.
36:14And it cost her everything.
36:16You are not her, Pomoma.
36:18You don't have to be.
36:22You look worse than I do.
36:24I'm fine.
36:25You always say that.
36:26It's never true.
36:28That girl, Paloma, she hasn't visited in two weeks.
36:32She's busy with coursework.
36:33I'm dying, which means I've earned the right to say what I see.
36:36You love her.
36:37And you're hiding her like something to be ashamed of.
36:39It's not shame.
36:40It's protection.
36:42For whom?
36:43If you love her, love her in the light.
36:45The dark will eat you both alive.
36:51I can't keep doing this.
36:53Doing what?
36:54Being someone you only want in the dark.
36:55Walking past you on campus like I'm no one.
36:57Lying to the only people who love me.
37:00I need you to let me in.
37:01Really in.
37:02Or I need to go.
37:03And what does in look like to you?
37:05I lose my career.
37:07You lose your degree.
37:08We become a scandal.
37:10We become real.
37:11Real doesn't survive institutions, Paloma.
37:13Real doesn't survive gossip and boards.
37:14And real survives everything if you're brave enough to choose it.
37:20Then maybe you should stop coming.
37:27I used to think you were protecting me.
37:29But you're just protecting yourself.
37:31Goodbye, Professor.
37:48Paloma, you've been here since six.
37:50Take a break.
37:55The body is a useful thing.
37:57It keeps moving even when everything inside has stopped.
38:07Zinnia.
38:08The department meeting was an hour ago.
38:11Cancel it.
38:13I can't cancel something that already happened without you.
38:16How many days has it been since you've eaten a real meal?
38:19I'm not your project, Coralie.
38:21No.
38:22You're my friend.
38:23And you're disappearing.
38:24I made the right decision.
38:28Then why do you look like this?
38:30She's working double shifts at the hospital.
38:32She's not eating either.
38:33In case you were wondering.
38:35I wasn't.
38:39Eat or don't.
38:42But stop pretending you're fine.
38:44You're terrible at it.
38:52Open your door.
38:56Before you say you're not hungry, I don't care.
39:01I owe you an apology.
39:03What I said, that you changed, that it wasn't good.
39:05I was scared.
39:06Not angry.
39:07I should have stayed instead of judging.
39:09You weren't wrong.
39:10Maybe.
39:11But I wasn't kind either.
39:13And you needed kind.
39:14Kouge, I've been so stupid.
39:17Tell me.
39:18I fell in love with her.
39:20With Professor Zinnia.
39:21And I knew, I knew it would end like this.
39:24Then fight for yourself.
39:26Not for her.
39:27For you.
39:28Dear Zinnia, I'm not writing this to bring you back.
39:31I'm writing this so I can finally say everything I swallowed to keep you comfortable.
39:35You taught me that gravity is the weakest force in the universe.
39:37It held me to you long after I should have let go.
39:40This letter is not a door left open.
39:42It's my way of closing one.
39:48I didn't write it to get you back.
39:50I wrote it because there were things I needed to say while I still had the language for them.
39:54That loving you was not my mistake.
39:56That loosing myself was.
39:58You taught me that love isn't always gentle.
40:01Sometimes it's a hand on your throat disguised as an embrace.
40:04I let you hold me there because I thought if I stayed long enough you'd loosen your grip.
40:07You never did.
40:08But I don't blame you.
40:09You held on the only way you knew how.
40:11And I stayed the only way how by disappearing.
40:13I loved the woman in the dark office who whispered about loneliness.
40:16I loved the woman who went to three stores for chocolate.
40:20I loved you.
40:21Past tense.
40:22Because I have to.
40:32You look terrible.
40:34Let me guess, the student.
40:36What do you want, Manchuan?
40:37I heard you've been spiraling, canceling, classes.
40:41Coley's whispering.
40:44I came to see the wreckage in person.
40:47You came to gloat.
40:49I came to remind you what you are.
40:51You don't know how to love without destroying.
40:53You proved it with me.
40:55Now you're proving it with her.
40:59I destroyed us.
41:01You were in our bed with someone else.
41:03And you made it so easy to leave.
41:05Cold, controlling, suffocating.
41:07That girl will figure it out eventually, if she hasn't already.
41:12Let her go, Zinnia.
41:14It's the only kind thing you're capable of.
41:37One last time.
41:44You said one last time.
41:46Sit down.
41:48I'll stand.
41:50I asked you here because you deserve a clean ending.
41:54Not silence.
41:55Not evidance.
41:56A clean ending.
41:58Yes.
41:59Is that what this is?
42:00I'm transferring.
42:01Next semester.
42:02Different university.
42:03So the paperwork is already filed.
42:06So you called me here to inform me you're running away.
42:09Properly this time.
42:12I called you here to let you go.
42:13You already did that.
42:15In your apartment.
42:17Remember?
42:18This is different.
42:19How?
42:20How is this different?
42:24Because this time I'm making sure I can't take it back.
42:33You read my letter.
42:35Every word.
42:37And your answer is a transfer form.
42:40My answer is removing myself from your life before I do more damage.
42:43Sylvie was right.
42:44I don't know how to love without...
42:46Don't!
42:47Don't you dare use her words as your shield.
42:49You want a clean ending?
42:50Then listen.
42:52Because I have things to say and I will only say them once.
42:59I loved you.
43:00Not the version you performed in reed halls.
43:03Not the version that knew exactly where to touch me to make me stop.
43:06I loved the woman who burned dinner and laughed about it.
43:10Who wrote makes physics feel less lonely in the margers when she thought no one would see.
43:14I loved you with everything I had.
43:16And it wasn't enough.
43:17Not because you decided long before you met me that no one would ever be enough.
43:20So here's what I need you to hear.
43:21I'm not angry anymore.
43:22I'm not waiting anymore.
43:23I will not let loving you teach me that I'm not enough.
43:25Thank you for loving me.
43:27Even badly.
43:28Even scared.
43:34I love you.
43:53Thank you for the extras.
43:58I had it.
44:00I had her.
44:10What if someone fell in willingly?
44:22Paloma?
44:24Can I come home for a while?
44:26The bed's already made.
44:33Auntie, I...
44:36I loved someone.
44:38And I lost her.
44:40I know.
44:41Loving someone doesn't always mean you get to keep them.
44:44But you'll always have yourself.
44:46And you'll always have me.
44:58Some people write love letters.
45:00She wrote equations.
45:01And buried the truth in the margins where she thought no one would look.
45:20Pamoma, Bachelor of Science, Honors.
45:26I thought this would feel like arriving somewhere.
45:29It feels like standing in an empty room after everyone's left.
45:43Remember when I sat at your table and you looked at me like I'd committed a felony?
45:49You stole my dumpling.
45:51I liberated your dumpling.
45:52There's a difference.
45:54And here.
45:54Where I decided you were going to be my person whether you liked it or not.
46:00I didn't like it.
46:01You loved it.
46:05I loved it.
46:07So, Beijing for you, Shenzhen for me.
46:10That's not so far.
46:12Paloma, we're going to say we'll call every week.
46:14Then it'll be every month.
46:15Then holidays.
46:16Then just birthdays.
46:17Then...
46:17Don't.
46:20I'm not being sad.
46:22I'm being honest.
46:23That's what you taught me.
46:24Annoyingly.
46:31I need you to know something.
46:34Lyra.
46:36Before you, I had a hundred friends and nobody who actually knew me.
46:40You were the first person who saw the mess and didn't look away.
46:44You broke into my life like a natural disaster.
46:48Hurricane Leah.
46:49Category 5.
46:51Category 5.
46:53Nothing in life goes as one wishes.
46:56But some of it was perfect.
47:20Can I help you?
47:21Excuse me.
47:21I'm looking for someone.
47:37Excuse me.
47:39I'm looking for someone.
47:41Hi.
47:42Hi.
47:47How did you find me?
47:49Your aunt.
47:50I asked her.
47:50She made me wait three months before she'd tell me.
47:53That sounds like her.
47:55I've been seeing someone.
47:56A therapist.
47:58Since January.
47:59Good.
48:00She's terrible.
48:01Asked the worst questions.
48:02That means she's good.
48:06I didn't come to ask for anything.
48:08I need you to know that.
48:09Okay.
48:10It came because I owe you something that isn't an apology.
48:13Apologies are about me feeling better.
48:15This is about you knowing the truth.
48:16You were never the problem.
48:18Every wall I built, every time I pushed you away, that was my day.
48:20My fear with everything you had, and I made you feel like it wasn't enough.
48:23It was enough.
48:25You were always enough.
48:27I know that now.
48:32How's your mother?
48:33Better.
48:34She asks about you.
48:35Every week.
48:37Tell her I'll visit.
48:39She'd like that.
48:42You look different.
48:44Worse.
48:45Softer.
48:47I read your letter.
48:48Every day for a month.
48:50Then my therapist said I was using it to get punishment instead of healing.
48:53Was she right?
48:54She's always right.
48:56I hate her.
49:00I forgive you.
49:02I forgive myself.
49:05But I can't go back.
49:07I know.
49:12Will you be okay?
49:14I already am.
49:19Some people are not meant to stay.
49:20They're meant to change you.
49:22She taught me that love is not enough, but it is not nothing.
49:24She taught me that choosing yourself is nothing as giving up.
49:27And she taught me that the bravest thing you can do is walk into the sun and let the light
49:31find you.
49:31She taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:35she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:37she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
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49:40she
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