- 49 minutes ago
The AC Went Out That Summer - Full EP
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Short filmTranscript
00:09two years that's how long i've hated my stepbrother samir counting from the day my mom married his
00:16dad 12 years older than me what gave him the right to crash into my life take my mom move
00:22into my house but today the heat's burning through the whole house the ac's dead it's just me and
00:29him up here he crouches at the edge of my bed working the wiring sweat slides down the muscle
00:36of his forearm and i'm pressed into the corner knees clamping tighter and tighter beyond my
00:41control he's supposed to be the person i hate most but the second his sweat soaked back turns
00:45and those eyes land on me charged now with something else something inside me cracks
00:50clean open and god help me i don't want him to stop 98 degrees the ac in my room died
00:59this morning just gave out i hate this house the way it is now anyway i hate the day mom
01:07married
01:07kevin and packed him and his quiet 30 something son into my life
01:14two years now every wrong thing under this roof started that day
01:19too hot to think i've kicked off my shorts a tank strap slipping off my shoulder and flopped back on
01:30the bed to call her
01:40mom my ac's broken i'm melting up here her end is all rattling carts and store announcements
01:47i know i know i'm at the store back soon have your brother look at it
01:51he's coming home for lunch anyway
01:57your brother those two words set me off but my brain won't listen it pulls him up before i can
02:04stop it he does hvac fixes ac lines and pipes all day always slick with sweat last week in the
02:13kitchen
02:13head tipped back chugging ice water his throat working with every swallow
02:19a drop running down his jaw to his collar pine
02:22the muscle in his forearm bunching tight as he cranked a valve
02:26i press my thighs together and hate myself the second i do
02:31i hate him i really do
02:34so what the hell is this
02:37downstairs the front door clicks open
02:39the stairs groan step by step under someone much heavier than me
02:45that's when i remember what i'm wearing
02:48i lunge for the shorts on my chair
02:50too late
02:52the door swings open
02:53samir
02:54work pants
02:55gray tank
02:56soaked through and clean
02:57every line of his chest and stomach
03:00right there
03:01toolbox in hand
03:02the hair at his forehead
03:04damp in strands
03:05i should look away
03:07i don't
03:08my eyes drag down on their own
03:10his slick chest
03:12his tensed forearms
03:14and finally
03:16see something you like
03:17his voice comes out rough
03:19the corner of his mouth tipping up
03:20caught
03:21heat shoots all the way to my ears
03:24i rip the blanket up over myself
03:27who's looking at you
03:29don't flatter yourself
03:30he doesn't look away
03:32the smirk only deepens
03:33his throat moves once
03:35the ac
03:37he steps in
03:38drops the toolbox
03:40and looks down at me curled up small
03:42where is it
03:47over there
03:47i jerk my chin at the unit in the corner and pull the blanket tighter
03:50he doesn't move right away
03:52first those heavy eyes drag over me
03:54then he comes
03:58the unit sits high on the wall above my headboard
04:01my bed right under it
04:02the room's small
04:04and a man his size only makes it smaller
04:09he takes one look and frowns
04:12get down
04:13why should i
04:14i dig my heels in
04:15though it sounds hollow the moment it's out
04:18two years
04:19and this is all i know how to do with him
04:21bristle
04:22jab
04:22push back
04:24mom remarried
04:25he and kevin moved in
04:26and the house stopped being just hers and mine
04:32i came home for the summer wanting some quiet and now i share even my breathing room with this stranger
04:39i can dodge him for an afternoon
04:41not for the long line of summers after
04:44he doesn't argue
04:45one knee on the edge of the bed
04:47and he stretches up toward the unit
04:50i shrink into the corner but the bed's only so big
04:53as he leans the soaped gray tank brushes my shin
04:56heat sweat that sun warmed smell of him
04:59all of it crashing over me at once
05:01his arm works a screw overhead
05:03the muscle bunching and releasing inches from my face
05:06i hold my breath
05:07i don't dare move
05:08no one's downstairs
05:10mom's still at the store
05:11the whole house is quiet
05:13just my sun-baked bedroom
05:15door shut
05:15sealed off from the rest of the world
05:17the thought sends a hotter prickle up my back
05:19up here door closed
05:21whatever happens no one below would know
05:25move over
05:26he says low
05:27his elbow pressing toward me
05:28there's nowhere to go
05:30his hip is against my drawn-up knees
05:32i'm wedged between him and the wall
05:34half of me pressed to his side
05:38i told you i can't get away from you
05:40he says glancing down
05:41his throat moving
05:42goes both ways
05:46he turns it a few times
05:48swears
05:48says the wiring's fried
05:50the whole thing has to come apart
05:52the minutes crawl
05:53the room's hot enough to swim in
05:55the two of us crammed into this scrap of space
05:57neither one talking
05:58my back's to the wall
05:59half of me against his sweat-damp side
06:01the sweat glues us together
06:03skin to skin
06:04impossible to peel apart
06:05i should be disgusted
06:07i'm not
06:08i can feel the muscle in his side tighten
06:10with every turn of the screw
06:11that strength soaking through a thin film of sweat
06:14into my skin
06:15sinking low in my belly
06:16a picture rises before i can stop it
06:18if that hand weren't reaching for a screw overhead
06:21but sliding down my waist instead
06:23i kill the thought
06:24my face burns
06:25i hate him
06:26i think of the wedding day
06:28him standing there cold
06:29not even a hello
06:30two years ago
06:32i swore i'd never go soft for this man
06:34not once
06:35and right now
06:36my thighs are clamping together
06:37on their own
06:38the wet heat there
06:39is impossible to hide
06:41slick
06:42sticky
06:42mortifying
06:43it's the weather
06:45i lie to myself
06:46that's all
06:46just the heat
06:48irritated
06:48i try to shift
06:50to find room to breathe
06:51my knee moves
06:52and
06:53by accident
06:54grazes the inside of his thigh
06:56his hands stop
06:57the whole room goes still
06:59becca
07:00his voice drops to gravel
07:01it travels straight down my ear
07:03into my spine
07:04you'd better not move
07:06i don't listen
07:07my heart's slamming
07:08and something hotter than hate
07:09eggs me on
07:10i push out again
07:11elbow digging into his side
07:12on purpose
07:13the next second
07:14his free hand clamps down on my waist
07:16a hand big enough to span half of it
07:18too strong to fight
07:19and it hauls me back against him
07:21my gasp jams in my throat
07:22my back hits his scalding
07:24sweat damp chest
07:25his heartbeat
07:26through two thin layers of cotton
07:27slams into my spine
07:29once
07:30again
07:34what are you doing
07:35i keep my voice down
07:37and claw at the arm
07:38locked across my waist
07:39it's cast iron
07:40it doesn't give
07:41i should break free
07:43drive an elbow into him
07:44call him a creep
07:45bolt downstairs
07:46but my body betrays me
07:48it sinks into him
07:49fitting against every scalding inch of him
07:51i can feel his breathing turn rough
07:54his chest rising and falling at my back
07:58he grunts
07:59my elbow jabbing his stomach and in the scramble
08:01quit it
08:03i won't give in
08:04and i'm even more scared he sees through me
08:06so i open my mouth for another jab
08:08nothing comes out
08:10his free hand lifts and closes around the front of my throat
08:13not hard
08:14but sure
08:15steady
08:16tipping the back of my head into the hollow of his shoulder
08:19every drop of blood in me runs cold
08:22then floods back scalding
08:25two years of fighting
08:27of cutting each other to the bone
08:29and he never once touched me
08:31but now his palm cradles my throat
08:33his thumb on the pulse going wild there
08:37and i'm not afraid
08:38being held completely in his hand
08:41helpless in his grip
08:42it turns me to water
08:46i'm in the same hell you are
08:47his mouth is at my ear
08:48his breath hot and horsey
08:50each word brended in
08:51but you
08:52are going
08:53to hold still
08:55his breath fans against the side of my face
08:58no more squirming
08:59no more little whimpers making it worse
09:01the hand on my throat tightens a fraction
09:03you hear me
09:04i try to nod
09:05only then does he ease off
09:07i guilt for air
09:08my heart wild enough to leap out of my chest
09:13for a long stretch i stay curled against him
09:15not daring to move
09:16his arm stays locked around my waist
09:18never once loosening
09:19and his thumb
09:20against the damp curve of my side moves slow
09:22up then down
09:23up then down
09:24every drag of it sends a current sliding down to the small of my back
09:28i clamp my thighs tighter
09:30and it only makes the want sharper
09:32i want more
09:33the thought scares me
09:35that's when downstairs the front door clicks open
09:38my mom
09:39did your brother go off to fix your AC
09:44no no he didn't
09:45i call down forcing my voice into its usual annoyance
09:48he's probably off slacking somewhere again
09:50a beat of quiet below
09:52let me come up and look at it
09:53you can't sit in this heat
09:55the staircase creaks
09:56taking mom's weight
09:57one step
09:58my blood goes to ice
10:00i claw at his arm
10:04let go she's coming up let go of me
10:07he doesn't
10:08worse
10:08the hand that's been resting at my waist
10:11slides painfully slow down the line of my hip
10:14over my stomach
10:15over the dip of my hip bone
10:16lower still until it settles squarely over me
10:19through the thin fabric already soaked with sweat and something else
10:21my whole body bows tight
10:23a sharp high sound rushes up my throat
10:25i bite down on my lip and swallow it
10:27second stare
10:27creak
10:28he bends his head nose against my scalding ear
10:31and through the soaked fabric his palm grinds down on me
10:33not soft not hard
10:35once
10:37soaked like this
10:39and still lying that no one came up
10:41he breathes
10:42low and filthy
10:45smear
10:46it comes out a plea
10:47my voice in pieces
10:48please
10:49my mom
10:50his thumb presses again
10:51dragging a winner out of me before i can swallow it
10:53the hand doesn't move from where it is
10:55scared now
10:56third step
10:56mom's voice is closer
10:58becca
10:59why is the door locked from the inside
11:01he looks down at me
11:02held completely in his hand
11:04every breath a luxury now
11:05his eyes lit with something that makes me dizzy
11:08he leans to my ear
11:09word by word
11:11so how about you let your mom see exactly what you look like right now
11:26becca
11:27why is this locked from the inside
11:32his palm is still on me
11:33grinding in that slow podnishing way that has me shaking all over
11:37his breath brushes my ear
11:38answer her
11:41i'm changing
11:42i call out
11:43my voice in pieces
11:45it's too hot
11:46i'm not dressed
11:47don't come in mom
11:48god this heat
11:50hurry up then
11:51come down and eat
11:52i got sandwiches and cold pasta salad
11:55step by step the stairs let her go
11:57soon there's the rustle of plastic bags
11:59the fridge opening and closing
12:02the threat ebbs
12:03i slump back against him ringed out
12:05gulping air furious and humiliated
12:07my eyes burning
12:08you're insane
12:09you actually would have
12:10he doesn't answer
12:11and he doesn't do what i expect
12:13doesn't let go and retreat behind the wall we've spent two years building
12:16he just holds me
12:17chin on my shoulder
12:18silent for a long time
12:20long enough that i can hear the fridge humming downstairs
12:23then he says it
12:24low
12:25without a trace of his usual sneer
12:27i don't want to let go
12:30i go rigid
12:31i twist around to look at him
12:34two years
12:35and i know every cruel thing he's ever said to me
12:38this wasn't a joke
12:39not even close
12:44we stay frozen like that
12:45downstairs mom's putting groceries away
12:48humming something tuneless
12:50the ac's still dead
12:52the heat lying thick on my skin
12:53but the heat running through me
12:56stopped being the weather a while ago
12:59i've been locked against him too long
13:01wound too tight
13:02now my lower back and the tops of my thighs start to cramp
13:05a deep dragging ache like the heaviness before my period
13:08i shift in small movements trying to work it loose
13:11don't move
13:12he says
13:13low
13:13but it's not his usual impatience
13:16it's horsey
13:17careful
13:19something i've never heard from him
13:21i shift again
13:23what is it
13:23can't help it
13:24a small noun escapes
13:27both his thumbs have come to rest on the outsides of my thighs
13:31kneading slow
13:32back and forth
13:33the touch lifts every hair on me
13:34but the ache is worse
13:35i bite my lip and admit it
13:38my lower back
13:40and where my legs meet
13:41tense too long
13:42it aches
13:43i want to stretch
13:45but you're pinning me
13:46i can't move
13:49his hands pause on my legs
13:53bring your knees
13:55his voice drops lower
13:57up onto the bed
14:01i twist around to glare at him
14:03red-faced and lost
14:05neil
14:06neil how
14:07he pats the narrow space along his thighs
14:10feet here
14:11then taps the mattress in front of me
14:14knees here
14:16when it hits me what he's asking
14:17my face goes up in flames
14:18but the ache is unbearable
14:20and somehow i do it
14:21his hands settle on my hips
14:22and guide me forward
14:23easing my feet up one at a time
14:25knees spreading
14:26by the time i catch up
14:27i'm straddling his lap
14:28with my back to him
14:28a position so shameful
14:30my toes curl
14:31lean back
14:33he draws me against his chest
14:35head
14:37back on my shoulder
14:38my throat's dry
14:38and i obey without knowing why
14:40the back of my head
14:41finds the hollow of his shoulder
14:42my whole spine
14:44rising and falling against his scalding
14:46sweat damp chest
14:47his hands lock on my hips
14:48and slowly he bears down
14:50lifting my lower body
14:51arching it back into a deep bow
14:52inch by inch
14:53my whole torso pulls open
14:55the ache i've held for so long
14:56lets go all at once
14:58so good my eyes well up
14:59a long moan slips out
15:01before i can stop it
15:07he curses low behind my ear
15:08his nose bearing into the side of my neck
15:10dragging once
15:11hard
15:12his breathing goes racked
15:13his hands press in harder
15:15deepening the arch
15:16once
15:17twice
15:17open
15:18release
15:18each one melts the ache into something else
15:20burning up from the base of my spine
15:24we hold it for almost a minute
15:25before the arms carrying me start to shake
15:29i'm smaller than him
15:30but i'm no slip of a girl
15:33holding me up in midair like this
15:35would wear anyone down
15:37i'm better now
15:38a lie
15:39my face burns
15:40he grunts and lowers me back onto his lap
15:43but his hands don't leave my hips
15:44i know exactly what it means
15:46still straddling him back turned
15:48and for some reason
15:49neither of us moves to fix it
15:51two years of fighting
15:52and this is the longest we've ever sat together
15:55without tearing each other apart
15:56that alone unsettles me
15:58thanks
15:58i say it at last
16:00barely a whisper
16:01he hums
16:03the stubble on his jaw
16:04drags across my cheek with it
16:06and a fine melting tingle
16:07races up my spine
16:09i know i have to push it down
16:10pretend i didn't feel it
16:13downstairs mom's still busy in the kitchen
16:15humming off key
16:16his long fingers
16:17in time with every breath i take
16:20slowly tighten on my hips
16:22the heavy ache starts pulsing back
16:24i can't help squirming
16:26still hurts
16:30sorry
16:31he hesitates
16:32then his hands come slowly around from my sides to the front of me
16:35drop your back down
16:39the rasp in his voice impossible to hide now
16:41lift your hips a little
16:45he pushes my tank up and slides both hands into my shorts
16:48his squirting thumbs find the two aching knots at the base of my spine and press in
16:52steady
16:53grinding down in slow circles
16:55my lips tremble
16:56i suck in a breath and a moan i can't hold pills out
16:59his thumbs circle
17:00leaning in harder
17:01grinding the stiff ache loose inch by inch
17:03i clamp down on my tongue
17:05downstairs the tap is running
17:06mom washing the produce
17:08please god she heard nothing
17:09he stills for a few seconds
17:11then he knees deeper faster
17:13his hands spreading wider
17:14outward downward
17:15my hips move with his rhythm on their own
17:18his thumbs are too close enough to turn me to water
17:20in that place with every circle of his hands betrays me getting hotter and hotter
17:24samir
17:26his name comes out wrecked
17:28soft and clinging
17:30pleasure spreads in waves from where his fingers press
17:32melting every ache out of me
17:34i bite my lips between my teeth and strangle the next moan in my throat
17:37terrified they'll hear downstairs
17:39below
17:40the water surges louder
17:42and mom calls up
17:43just a few more minutes
17:45drowning out every sound i don't dare make
17:48and under that cover
17:49his hands the slides one inch lower
17:53his breathing changes too
17:55especially the moment he buries his face in the curve of my neck lips against my skin
17:58every hair on my nace stands up
18:00my whole spine shivers with that melting tingle
18:02then suddenly he pulls his hands out of my shorts
18:04a small lost whimper leaks out of me before i can stop it
18:07the next second i want to disappear into the floor
18:09oh god
18:09he was just being decent for once
18:11working out a cramp
18:13and there i was
18:15panting and windering under his hands making those sounds
18:18i must have scared him off
18:19the silence stretches
18:21my heart still pounding
18:23over his hands
18:24over the mouth he'd press to my neck
18:27i get ready to pull away
18:28ready to say something ugly
18:30and that's when samir's fingers hook the edge of my shorts
18:33and tug
18:34one inch down
18:35his warm mouth grazes my ear
18:38good girl
18:39he breathes low and rough
18:41lift your hips for me again
18:45good girl
18:46lift your hips for me again
18:48the words land somewhere deep inside me
18:50i squeeze my eyes shut
18:52trying to quiet my racing heart
18:55and instead i just obey
18:56lifting my hips
18:58shaking
19:00downstairs mom's voice suddenly rises
19:07it hits like a bucket of ice water over my head
19:10samir goes rigid
19:11and i snap awake
19:14what am i doing
19:15my mom just got home
19:16she's right downstairs
19:17and here i am in my own room
19:19straddling my stepbrother
19:20lifting my hips
19:21because he told me to
19:22shame torches through me
19:23i shove his hands off
19:25scramble off his lap
19:26yank my shorts up
19:27not daring to look back
19:28i i'm going down
19:30becca
19:30he says behind me
19:31i don't stop
19:32but just before i pull the door open
19:34i look back at him after all
19:35he's on the wrecked bed
19:37chest heaving
19:38hair soaked
19:38eyes burning into me
19:39not a trace of the usual sneer
19:41just something scorching
19:42cut off mid-breath
19:44i flee
19:46straight down the stairs
19:50i don't taste a single bite of that lunch
19:53across from me
19:54mom rattles on
19:55the store had a sale
19:56the neighbor's news
19:57why is your brother so quiet today
20:00i murmur back
20:01my whole heart still stuck in that burning room upstairs
20:05samir sits at the other end
20:07eating with his head down
20:08silent
20:08but i can feel it
20:11every time mom looks away
20:12his eyes land on me
20:13heavy
20:15hot enough that i can barely hold my fork
20:18oh
20:18i have to go help your aunt move some things this afternoon
20:21she's swamped
20:21becca you rest at home
20:23okay
20:24samir
20:24you're home this afternoon
20:26if the ac's still not fixed call someone
20:28don't let your sister roast
20:30my grip on the fork jumps
20:32afternoon
20:33house
20:33just the two of us
20:35my head snaps up
20:36right into his eyes
20:37looking at me past my mother
20:38he says nothing
20:39just the faintest tip of his mouth
20:41aimed at me
20:42and the string in me that just snapped
20:44pulls tight again
20:45humming
20:48the second mom's out the door
20:50the house goes so quiet
20:52there's nothing left but my own heartbeat
20:56i shut myself in my room back to the door
20:59telling myself i'm going nowhere and opening for no one
21:03this morning's madness never happened
21:05i hate him
21:06i have to remember i hate him
21:08but my body won't obey
21:11just remembering the heat of his palm
21:13that good girl
21:14and my legs start to give again
21:16the stairs crack
21:17step by step
21:18taking the weight i can't escape
21:21the footsteps stop outside my door
21:24open up
21:25his voice comes through the wood
21:27low
21:28rough
21:29leaving no room to refuse
21:31no
21:32i brace against the door
21:33but my voice is laughably thin
21:35go away
21:36i hate you
21:39a beat of silence outside
21:43becca
21:43his voice drops to almost nothing
21:45each word like it's spoken against my ear
21:48the way you looked this morning
21:51didn't look like hate
21:52my face goes up in flames
21:54my heart slamming till it aches
21:56i stare at my own hand on the lock
22:00watch it
22:01beyond my control
22:04slowly turn it open
22:08the instant the door gives
22:10he's through it
22:12i step back
22:14he steps in
22:14and in three strides
22:16he's backs me into the corner
22:18one hand braced on the wall
22:20by my head
22:21caging me between him
22:22and the plaster
22:24heat
22:24sweat
22:25that scent that's only his
22:27everywhere
22:31what you didn't finish saying this morning
22:33he bends down
22:34nose nearly to mine
22:35his breath scalding
22:37say it now
22:38say say what
22:39whether you hate me
22:41he cuts me off
22:43a certainty in his voice that lifts every hair on me
22:46look at me
22:47and say it
22:51i lift my eyes to his
22:53two years of resentment
22:54every i'm fine i ever fed my mother
22:56and this morning's surrender i die before admitting
22:59all of it jams in my throat
23:01the word comes out shaking apart
23:03i
23:03he waits
23:04eyes locked on me without a blink
23:06the hand on the wall corded with tension
23:08i close my eyes and let it go
23:10the truth i've held for two years
23:11and the last of my dignity with it
23:13i don't know
23:14i hear my own voice tremble
23:15i just know
23:16don't let go again
23:17his breath catches
23:20the next second he's kissing me
23:22pressing me into the wall
23:27that guy forgot my keys
23:28are they on the entry table
23:29we both freeze
23:31his mouth still on mine
23:33my fists still in his tank
23:35both of us breathing hard
23:36chest against rising chest
23:39one wall and one staircase
23:40away
23:41my mother's ordinary afternoon voice
23:43knowing nothing
23:44it cracks through me like thunder
23:46jolting me out of the heat
23:48that was about to swallow me whole
23:50i shove him off
23:51frantically fixing my clothes
23:53and my breath
23:54my voice shaking as i call down
23:56they're they're on the entry table
23:58just grab them mom
24:00got them
24:01okay i'm off
24:04the whole house sinks back
24:06into scalding silence
24:07i lean against the wall
24:09legs too weak to hold me
24:11and look up at him
24:12he's looking back
24:13and what's churning in his eyes
24:14burns hotter than the 98 degree day
24:17neither of us says a word
24:19but we both know
24:20that near miss
24:21one wall away
24:22didn't put us out
24:24it lit something for good
24:26the summer's only just begun
24:29and this door of mine
24:31will never quite shut again
24:35that night at dinner
24:36i can barely sit still
24:37the ac finally got fixed
24:39that afternoon
24:40the four of us around the table
24:41mom on my left
24:43busy topping off
24:43everyone's plate
24:44kevin across from me
24:46head down over his food
24:47and samir right at my side
24:48on the surface
24:49everything's normal
24:50mom rattles on
24:51about the neighbors
24:52kevin grunts now and then
24:53some dull re-roy playing
24:54in the background
24:55i stare at my plate
24:56trying to look like i have
24:57at every meal for two years
24:59at war with the stepbrother
25:00beside me
25:00too disdainful to spare him a glance
25:02but under the tablecloth
25:03it's another world
25:04his hand has settled on my knee
25:05my fork stops in midair
25:07i try to brush him off
25:08without a flicker on my face
25:09he doesn't budge
25:10his palm is hot enough
25:12to feel through my dress
25:14slowly
25:14he slides it an inch up my thigh
25:17oh
25:18mom speaks up
25:19and i nearly come out of my chair
25:21is the ac all sorted
25:22did your brother do okay up there
25:24in that exact second
25:25his hand climbs another half inch
25:27stops high on my thigh
25:28and presses down with meaning
25:29like he knows precisely
25:31what he's doing to me
25:32i grip my fork
25:33and force my voice flat
25:34as dead water
25:35hmm
25:36it's fine
25:37passable
25:39passable
25:39samir's coughs beside me
25:41cold as if we're actually fighting
25:43not even turning his head
25:44still as ungrateful as ever
25:45above the table
25:46were still the step siblings
25:47who can't share a room
25:49beneath it
25:49his thumb grinds
25:51slow circles
25:51into the inside of my thigh
25:53through the dress
25:54i stab at something
25:55and shove it in my mouth
25:56without tasting it
25:57my face is burning
25:59i gulp water to put it out
26:01but my throat's bone dry
26:02i set down my fork
26:04my voice unsteady
26:05mom
26:06i'll
26:07go get something to drink
26:08i'm practically fleeing as i stand
26:11and as i turn for the kitchen
26:13i see it clearly
26:15samir
26:15in no hurry at all
26:17setting down his fork too
26:20a half wall counter
26:21separates the kitchen
26:22from the dining room
26:24back to the doorway
26:25i grip the counter
26:26shut my eyes
26:27and breathe deep
26:28trying to push down
26:29the heat in my face
26:30and the chaos in my chest
26:32behind me
26:33the floor gives
26:34the flattest creak
26:35before i can turn
26:36two hands
26:37brace the counter's edge
26:38caging me between him
26:39and the counter
26:40his chest against my back
26:42his chin on my shoulder
26:43his voice barely there
26:45breath brushing my ear
26:46running from what?
26:48you're insane
26:49i grip the counter
26:51hardly daring to make a sound
26:52you're right there
26:54one wall away
26:55i know
26:56he laughs low
26:57the vibration
26:57traveling down my spine
26:59into me
26:59he touches nothing else
27:00just drags his nose
27:01painfully slow
27:02over the skin
27:03behind my ear
27:04so you'll have to hold it in
27:06same as under the table
27:07just now
27:08every drop of blood in me
27:09rushes to my face
27:10from the living room
27:12the tv
27:12the on and off murmur
27:14of mom and kevin
27:14drifts over clear as day
27:16close enough
27:17that one lifted head
27:18one turn
27:19my breath shakes
27:22he leans closer
27:24pressing me into the
27:25cold counter's edge
27:26his voice full of
27:27knowing amusement
27:30shaking like this
27:31are you scared of
27:32getting caught?
27:34he pauses
27:35we're scared i'll stop
27:37i can't answer
27:39because i don't have
27:41an answer to either
27:42from the dining room
27:43comes the scrape
27:44of a chair leg
27:44on the floor
27:47mom calls
27:48the drinks are on
27:49the bottom shelf
27:50of the fridge
27:50can't you find them?
27:52we both go still
27:55found found them
27:56i blurt it
27:57squeezing out
27:58from between him
27:59and the counter
27:59yanking open
28:00the bottom shelf
28:01grabbing two
28:01sparkling waters
28:03at random
28:04only when the cold
28:05bottles hit my
28:06scalding palms
28:06do i get a sliver
28:07of my mind back
28:11samir steps back
28:12unhurried
28:13and pulls a beer
28:14from the fridge
28:15as if he weren't
28:16the one who just
28:17had me prin to the
28:18counter
28:20i carry the water
28:21back to the table
28:22my legs still
28:23unsteady
28:23but this time
28:25mom doesn't
28:26pick her chatter
28:26back up
28:29she sets down
28:29her forks
28:30and look between
28:31me and samir
28:32from my flushed
28:33face to the faint
28:34mark on the side
28:35of his neck
28:35i only now
28:36notices
28:36left there
28:38at some point
28:38i can't place
28:39you too
28:40she says slowly
28:41her tone
28:42impossible to read
28:43why aren't you
28:44fighting today
28:45the air locks
28:47kevin looks up
28:47too
28:48my heart pounds
28:49in my ears
28:49two years
28:50and we've never
28:51had a quiet meal
28:51at this table
28:52today's silence
28:53is the biggest
28:54tell of all
28:54fight about what
28:55samir says it first
28:57flat as if he's
28:58remarking on the
28:58weather
29:00can't be bothered
29:01with her
29:03exactly
29:03i jump in
29:04chin up
29:05packing every ounce
29:06of panic
29:07into the familiar
29:07jab
29:08like i'd want
29:09to talk to him
29:10mom watches us
29:12for a long time
29:15then she smiles
29:16and picks her
29:17fork back up
29:18good
29:20we're family
29:21no need to be
29:23at each other's
29:23throats all the
29:24time
29:24but the moment
29:25she looks down
29:26i catch kevin's
29:27eyes
29:27he says nothing
29:28just lingers a
29:29thoughtful second
29:30on that faint
29:31mark on his
29:31son's neck
29:32under the table
29:33samir's knee
29:34bumps mine
29:34very lightly
29:35as if to say
29:36careful
29:37and also
29:38this isn't over
29:41that night i can't
29:42sleep
29:43turning over
29:44and over
29:44not just from
29:46the unspent
29:46restlessness
29:47humming under
29:47my skin
29:48all night
29:48from mom's
29:50look at the
29:50table
29:50and kevin's
29:51one second
29:52pause
29:52two fine
29:54needles
29:54in the softest
29:55part of my
29:56chest
29:56i start thinking
29:58things i've never
29:59let myself think
30:02what if we get
30:03caught
30:07to marry kevin
30:08mom rebuilt
30:09her whole life
30:09from when i was
30:10sixteen
30:11sold the old
30:12house
30:12moved to this
30:14strange city
30:14learned at forty
30:15to be a newly
30:16wed again
30:17so carefully
30:18she tried to
30:19weld two families
30:20into one home
30:22and here i am
30:23planting a bomb
30:23under it in the
30:24most unforgivable
30:25way there is
30:27i hate samir that's what
30:29i've told myself and
30:30told my mother for two
30:32years now i finally see
30:35it that hate was laced
30:38with something else from
30:39the start
30:42i hated him barging in
30:43because i couldn't stop
30:44looking at him
30:46i went toe to toe
30:47with him because it was
30:48the only way i dared
30:49get close
30:50i dressed up my
30:51wanting as loathing
30:52and kept it up for two
30:54whole years
30:54until i nearly believed
30:56it myself
30:58in the hall
30:58the floor creaks
31:01my doorknob turns
31:03very lightly
31:04locked
31:07then a small
31:08folded note
31:09slides in
31:10under the door
31:12barefoot
31:13i slip off the bed
31:14pick it up
31:15unfold it
31:16in the moonlight
31:21samir's handwriting
31:23one line
31:24they're both out
31:25tomorrow
31:26all day
31:27i hold the note
31:28standing on the
31:28cold floor
31:29my heart nearly
31:30bursting through
31:31my chest
31:33outside
31:33not a breath
31:34of summer wind
31:36and i know
31:37perfectly clearly
31:39tomorrow
31:40i won't lock
31:41the door
31:41by early the next
31:43morning
31:43the house is empty
31:44mom and kevin
31:45head out with their
31:46bags to help my
31:47aunt move
31:47on the way
31:48mom pokes her head
31:50up the stairs
31:50sort out your own
31:51lunch
31:51there's food in
31:52the fridge
31:52then the garage
31:54door rumbles
31:55down
31:55and the engine
31:56fades
31:56then the whole
31:58house is quiet
31:58enough that all
31:59that's left
32:00is my own
32:00breathing
32:02i don't lock
32:03the door
32:05i lie on the
32:06bed staring
32:07at the ceiling
32:08and hear his
32:09door open
32:10downstairs
32:11footsteps
32:12step by step
32:13climbing slow
32:14stopping outside
32:15mine
32:16the knob
32:17turns
32:17it opens
32:19samir stands
32:20in the doorway
32:21backlit by the
32:22window
32:22and looks at me
32:23a long time
32:25neither of us
32:26speaks
32:26two years of
32:27friction
32:27last night's
32:29note
32:29the empty
32:30house silence
32:31all of it
32:32pressed into
32:32these few
32:33steps between
32:34us
32:35come here
32:36i hear myself
32:37say it
32:38soft
32:39but without a
32:40shred of
32:40hesitation
32:44he crosses to
32:45me sits on
32:46the end of the
32:46bed and tucks
32:47a damp strand
32:48of hair
32:48behind my
32:49ear
32:51a gesture
32:51too gentle
32:52to be his
32:54i thought about
32:55it all night
32:56i look at him
32:57and finish the
32:57sentence i've
32:58hidden for two
32:59years
33:00i don't hate
33:01you
33:02i never really
33:03did
33:05his throat
33:06works
33:06he leans
33:07down
33:08forehead
33:08to mine
33:09our breaths
33:10tangling
33:11same
33:13his voice
33:14is almost
33:15too
33:15hosky
33:15to hear
33:17from the
33:17day you
33:18stood at
33:18that wedding
33:19at sixteen
33:19and glared
33:20at me
33:20i was
33:20done
33:20for
33:23he kisses
33:24me
33:26this time
33:27there are
33:27no footsteps
33:28below
33:28no voice
33:29about to
33:30call us
33:30no threat
33:31waiting to
33:31puncture
33:32everything
33:33just a room
33:34full of
33:34summer light
33:35and two
33:36people who
33:36don't have
33:37to pretend
33:37anymore
33:39the camera
33:39holds outside
33:40the drawn
33:41curtains
33:43for the next
33:44few days
33:44we live
33:45inside a
33:45stolen
33:46scalding
33:46bubble
33:47by day
33:48the parents
33:48are at
33:49work
33:49and the
33:49house is
33:49ours
33:50but the
33:51sweeter it
33:51gets
33:51the tighter
33:52the string
33:53in me
33:53pulls
33:53because i
33:54know
33:55this bubble
33:56is borrowed
33:56and sooner
33:57or later
33:57it comes
33:58due
33:58the faint
33:59mark on
33:59samir's neck
34:00fades
34:00and a new
34:01one takes
34:02its place
34:02he keeps
34:03saying it's
34:03fine but i
34:04start checking
34:04his collar
34:05before every
34:05meal without
34:06thinking
34:06and checking
34:07my own
34:08face
34:10we relearn how
34:11to bicker
34:11at the table
34:13except now
34:13every jab
34:14is a code
34:14only the two
34:15of us
34:15can read
34:18the change
34:19starts
34:19on a
34:20saturday
34:20mom suddenly
34:21doesn't go
34:22in
34:22she sits
34:23on the living
34:23room couch
34:24watching samir
34:25and me
34:26come down
34:26the stairs
34:27one after
34:27the other
34:28something in
34:28her eyes
34:29i can't
34:29read
34:32becca
34:33she pats
34:34the seat
34:34beside her
34:35sit
34:35keep me
34:36company a
34:37minute
34:38samir's
34:38step hitches
34:39almost
34:39imperceptibly
34:40before he
34:41keeps going
34:42toward the
34:42kitchen
34:42i sit
34:44my heart
34:44going wild
34:51lately
34:51mom takes
34:52my hand
34:53her voice
34:54light
34:54but every
34:54word a
34:55hundred
34:55pounds
34:55is something
34:56weighing on
34:57you
35:01half the
35:01blood drains
35:02out of me
35:03no
35:03i manage a
35:04smile
35:05what would i
35:05have on my
35:06mind
35:06mom looks at
35:07me a long
35:08time then
35:08lets out a
35:09soft sigh
35:09when you were
35:1016 i moved
35:11us here and
35:11you hated me
35:12for a long
35:13time
35:13her eyes
35:13drift to
35:14the window
35:14i know
35:15for my own
35:16happiness i
35:17pulled you up
35:17by the roots
35:18from everything
35:18familiar
35:20dropped you
35:21into a strange
35:22house gave you
35:23a strange
35:23brother
35:26all these years
35:27i felt i owed
35:28you my throat
35:29tightens i can't
35:31speak i just
35:32want you to be
35:32happy becca
35:33she turns back
35:35her eyes
35:36shining really
35:37happy not the
35:39put on i'm
35:40fine you show
35:40me in that
35:41instant i almost
35:42tell her
35:43everything
35:43almost lay
35:44it all out
35:45two years of
35:46pretending these
35:47scalding few
35:48days the knot
35:49of joy and
35:50fear tangled in
35:51my chest but i
35:52look at that
35:52careful light in
35:53her eyes the
35:54light of a woman
35:55who gave
35:55everything for
35:56this family and
35:57i swallow the
35:57words
36:04i'm happy mom
36:06i hug her bury my
36:08face in her
36:09shoulder my
36:10voice shaking
36:11really
36:13at the foot of
36:14the stairs
36:15samir stair
36:16stands holding
36:17two glasses of
36:17water motionless
36:20he heard he
36:23heard all of
36:24it
36:30that night
36:31another note
36:32slides under
36:32my door
36:35this one is
36:36four words
36:38we need to
36:39talk
36:44we meet in
36:46the garage
36:46out back
36:47the one place
36:48in this house
36:49the parents
36:49won't think of
36:50and can't hear
36:51this can't keep
36:52going or it'll
36:53blow up
36:54samir leans
36:55against the
36:55workbench
36:55his voice
36:56heavy
36:57your face
36:57today
36:57your mom
36:58will see
36:59through it
36:59sooner or
36:59later
37:00so what
37:00do you
37:00want to
37:00do
37:01i cross my
37:01arms
37:02my voice
37:02sharp
37:03even as
37:04my heart
37:04drops
37:07i don't
37:08know
37:08for once
37:09he looks
37:09at a loss
37:10dragging a
37:11hand down
37:11his face
37:12i just know
37:13i don't want
37:13to keep
37:13you hidden
37:15turn you
37:16into some
37:16secret that
37:17can't see
37:17daylight
37:18you shouldn't
37:19have to be
37:19that
37:20i freeze
37:20but what
37:21can we
37:21do
37:22my voice
37:23trembles
37:23tell them
37:24becca and
37:25samir the
37:25step siblings
37:26are together
37:27picture my
37:27mom's face
37:28she welded
37:29two families
37:30into one
37:31home
37:31and it
37:31cost her
37:32everything
37:32one sentence
37:33from us
37:34and it
37:34all shatters
37:35the garage
37:36goes quiet
37:37only the
37:38light overhead
37:39buzzing
37:41what if
37:42he says
37:42suddenly
37:42looking at
37:43me
37:43his eyes
37:44frighteningly
37:44serious
37:45we weren't
37:45step siblings
37:46what do you
37:47mean
37:50in september
37:51i start the
37:52project out
37:52in tucson
37:53my own
37:54place
37:54my own
37:55life
37:55word by
37:56word
37:56i won't
37:57live in
37:57this house
37:58anymore
38:00we won't
38:01be siblings
38:01under one
38:02roof
38:02once the
38:03dust settles
38:04once you
38:05graduate too
38:06we can
38:06start over
38:07as something
38:08we don't
38:08have to
38:09hide
38:09i look at
38:10him
38:10my heart
38:11aching
38:11with each
38:11beat
38:12it's the
38:13first time
38:13i realize
38:14he isn't
38:14after this
38:15stolen summer
38:16he's after
38:16the after
38:22but some
38:23things don't
38:23wait for you
38:24to be ready
38:26it's a
38:27tuesday
38:27evening
38:28i think
38:29the house
38:29is empty
38:30and come
38:30out of
38:31the bathroom
38:31and nothing
38:32but a
38:32towel
38:32and there's
38:33samir
38:34waiting in
38:35the hall
38:35he backs
38:36me to
38:37the wall
38:37forehead
38:38to mine
38:38both of
38:39us grinning
38:39like kids
38:40who swiped
38:40candy
38:43neither of
38:43us hear
38:44kevin's
38:44car
38:44home
38:45early
38:46below
38:46or his
38:47footsteps
38:48on the
38:48stairs
38:55samir
38:55the instant
38:57his father's
38:58voice sounds
38:58from the end
38:59of the hall
38:59the whole
39:00world stops
39:01we spring
39:02apart
39:02too late
39:04kevin stands
39:05at the top
39:06of the stairs
39:06looking at
39:07his son
39:07half wrapped
39:08around me
39:09in a towel
39:09his son's
39:10hand still
39:11at my waist
39:11and his
39:12face freezes
39:13then breaks
39:14inch by
39:15inch
39:16what
39:18are you
39:19two doing
39:19no music
39:21to cover
39:22it
39:24no door
39:25to block
39:25it
39:25no excuse
39:27that holds
39:29this time
39:30we're truly
39:32seen
39:35that night
39:36is the
39:36longest
39:36of my
39:37life
39:37kevin calls
39:39mom home
39:39the four
39:40of us
39:41sit in the
39:41living room
39:42under a
39:42harsh white
39:43light
39:43mom's face
39:45goes from
39:45confusion
39:46to disbelief
39:47to something
39:48i'll never
39:48forget
39:49heartbreak
39:52how long
39:53mom i asked
39:56how long
40:00this summer
40:02samir speaks
40:03first
40:04stepping in
40:05front of me
40:06as if to
40:06shield me
40:08i started
40:09it
40:09blame me
40:10no
40:13i grab
40:14i grab his
40:14hand
40:15my voice
40:15shaking
40:16but holding
40:16not just
40:18him
40:19us
40:20mom i know
40:21this is hard
40:22to take
40:22we're not
40:23blood but we
40:24became siblings
40:25inside your
40:25marriage to
40:26kevin
40:29i know
40:29how absurd
40:30that is
40:31how much
40:31it hurts
40:32mom covers
40:33her face
40:34her shoulders
40:35shaking hard
40:36kevin can't
40:37get out a
40:37single word
40:38just stares
40:39at the floor
40:40i spent
40:41two years
40:42pretending
40:42to hate him
40:43because i knew
40:43from the start
40:44it was wrong
40:45but mom i can't
40:46keep pretending
40:47in the living room
40:48all that's left
40:49is mom stifled
40:50crying
40:50in that moment
40:51i finally understand
40:52what a price is
40:53it isn't the thrill
40:54of getting caught
40:55it's watching
40:55the person you
40:56love most break
40:57because of you
41:01for the next
41:02two weeks
41:02the house
41:03is frozen over
41:05mom barely
41:06speaks to me
41:08not anger
41:09the harder
41:11kind of silence
41:12kevin moves
41:13into the study
41:13to sleep
41:15samir moves
41:16up his transfer
41:16to tucson
41:17and we agree
41:18until the dust
41:19settles
41:20neither of us
41:21crosses a single
41:22line
41:22it's the penance
41:23we set for
41:24ourselves
41:26i think this
41:27is how the
41:28family splits
41:28apart
41:30the bomb
41:31i planted
41:32with my own
41:32hands
41:33finally went
41:34off
41:34but one night
41:35going down
41:35for water
41:36i find mom
41:37alone in the
41:38kitchen
41:38two untouched
41:39cups of tea
41:40in front of her
41:41sit
41:45i sit
41:46and wait
41:46for the verdict
41:48when i was
41:49nineteen
41:51i fell for
41:52someone everyone
41:53said i shouldn't
41:55my mother
41:56your grandmother
41:57wouldn't speak to me
41:58for three years
41:59i thought i'd long
42:00forgotten that feeling
42:02knowing it in your
42:03heart and not being
42:04able to tell a soul
42:05i'm not giving you
42:06my blessing
42:06she looks at me
42:09exhaustion
42:09struggle
42:10and a small
42:11loosening
42:12i need time
42:14kevin needs more
42:15this may not be fixable
42:17and you should be ready
42:18for that
42:20but i won't force you
42:21to keep playing
42:22i'm fine anymore
42:23my tears come all at once
42:25it isn't forgiveness
42:28but it's a beginning
42:32in september
42:32samir moves out
42:34we don't say goodbye
42:35in secret
42:36in front of mom
42:37and kevin
42:37he loads the last box
42:39into the car
42:40then comes to me
42:41and under both their eyes
42:42says it plainly
42:43i'll wait
42:44for this family
42:45to take its time
42:46for you to graduate
42:47i won't rush it
42:49but i won't pretend
42:50none of this happened either
42:51kevin turns his face away
42:53and says nothing
42:53but he doesn't stop it
42:54mom stands on the porch
42:56arms around himself
42:57watching us
42:57after a long moment
42:58she gives the faint
42:59barely perceptible nod
43:01the car pulls away
43:02that stolen
43:03scalding summer is over
43:05but strangely
43:06i don't feel the emptiness
43:07i expected
43:08because this time
43:09his leaving isn't running
43:11isn't an ending
43:12it's the two of us choosing
43:13together
43:14the harder road
43:15we can walk in the open
43:16i turn to go in
43:18mom stops me at the door
43:20hesitates
43:21then reaches out
43:22to smooth the hair
43:23the wind has must
43:24the same gesture
43:26exactly
43:26as that morning
43:27two months ago
43:28except this time
43:30neither of us
43:31have to pretend anymore
43:34what follows
43:35is a long year
43:36samir in tucson
43:38me at school
43:41we keep it clean
43:43almost like we're
43:44meeting each other
43:44for the first time
43:45calls
43:46texts
43:47the occasional weekend
43:48at a cafe
43:49where no one knows us
43:50like two ordinary adults
43:52finally doing this right
43:55the ice at home
43:56melts slowly
44:00kevin gives first
44:01one thanksgiving
44:03at the table
44:04he asks for the first time
44:06unprompted
44:07how's samir doing
44:08and something starts
44:10to seep into mom's
44:11silence too
44:13she begins asking
44:14if i'm okay
44:15and when she asks
44:16her eyes are really
44:17on me
44:18not every story
44:20gets a clean
44:20tidy forgiveness
44:21our family welded
44:23its cracks back together
44:24inch by patient inch
44:26some places
44:27will always carry
44:28the scar
44:31but a scar
44:32is proof of healing
44:33too
44:37the next summer
44:38i graduate
44:44on graduation day
44:46mom and kevin
44:47are in the audience
44:49and beside them
44:51at a respectable distance
44:52samir
44:57there is someone
44:58who doesn't have
44:59to hide anymore
45:02that summer
45:03is brutally hot again
45:04i move to tucson
45:06a small apartment
45:07a ten minute walk
45:08from samir's place
45:09we don't live together
45:11mom said to take it slow
45:13and we both agreed
45:16on moving day
45:17the ac breaks
45:20i collapse among the boxes
45:22dizzy with heat
45:23and somehow think
45:24of that identical afternoon
45:25two years ago
45:27lying in a stifling room
45:29hating a man
45:30unable to stop
45:32pressing my thighs together
45:33i laugh out loud
45:34then i pick up my phone
45:36and text him
45:37my ac's broken over here
45:41minutes later
45:42familiar footsteps
45:43come up the stairs
45:44step by step
45:48the doors unlock
45:50he stands in the doorway
45:51toolbox in hand
45:53gray tank
45:54hair soaked
45:55at the forehead
45:56identical to the first glimpse
45:58of him that summer
45:59except this time
46:00he isn't the stranger
46:01who barged into my life
46:02and took my mother
46:03and he isn't the stepbrother
46:04i have to pretend to hate
46:05where's it broken
46:09i look at him
46:10the man i resisted
46:11with two years of pretending
46:12and then fought for
46:13with all the honesty
46:14i had after
46:14and the thing that caught fire
46:16in me that scalding summer
46:17burns now
46:18steady and sure
46:21come here
46:22i'll show you
46:26outside the window
46:27summer is just beginning
46:31and this time
46:32we have all the time
46:33in the world
46:34the world
46:34you
46:35you
46:36you
46:38you
46:39you
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