πΌ **Abandoned on a Snow Mountain, I Became a Tycoon's Obsession**
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#billionaire #drama #ceodrama #richceodrama #officeromance #AbandonedOnSnowMountainBecame #CinelatinoDrama
A powerful love story between ambition, wealth, and unexpected romance!
β¨ **Story Highlights:**
β’ Irresistible chemistry between a powerful CEO and their love interest
β’ Dramatic twists in the world of business and romance
β’ Bite-sized drama episodes
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
π Subscribe for more billionaire romance dramas!
π Like if you love CEO love stories!
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
#billionaire #drama #ceodrama #richceodrama #officeromance #AbandonedOnSnowMountainBecame #CinelatinoDrama
Category
π₯
Short filmTranscript
00:05:19The version where she got to be the victim and the survivor and the heroine.
00:05:23It collapsed.
00:05:26You think you've won?
00:05:28You have money?
00:05:30You have a name?
00:05:31You have him?
00:05:32She tipped her chin at the corner.
00:05:34You spent seven years.
00:05:35Seven years on Preston, you have a man who can't look at you.
00:06:04with a smile i held her gaze still expecting me to cry his lab was built with my money her
00:06:09face
00:06:09flickered his instruments were bought with my money the paper he was about to publish used my
00:06:14data the first authorship he was angling for was built from 48 hours of my sleeplessness
00:06:19he picked up an empty suit an empty suit with my data printed on the inside lining
00:06:24so in about three weeks you'll be standing next to a naked suit with no career no grant tenure
00:06:28track no future paper tell me what the man is worth to you then she opened her mouth
00:06:33i cut her off my seven years are not for sale reagan not at your price not at any price
00:06:42get out she did not move a footstep behind her from the corridor garcia in the doorway two security
00:06:47guards a respectful distance behind sloan you think you've cleaned all of it up she picked up the lilies
00:06:52on her way out wait until the audit drops then ask damien crane what he found the door closed behind
00:06:58her i turned my head toward the corner chair damien was already standing he did not look at me he
00:07:02was
00:07:03looking at the door reagan had just walked through his jaw was set in a way i had not seen
00:07:07since the
00:07:07tent in wrangle he turned to me the look i caught the first time was a man assessing exactly how
00:07:12angry
00:07:12he should let himself become damien sat back down on the edge of the bed he took his time he
00:07:16did not
00:07:17rush he laced his fingers across his knee he breathed in once deeply the way i had seen him do
00:07:20at family dinners when his mother said something cruel and he chose not to make it a war sloan she
00:07:24has
00:07:25mastered clues that we do not know that's right it's related to auditing about the audit i waited
00:07:31he was choosing his word i was going to wait until tomorrow to bring this up the audit is not
00:07:36finished
00:07:36the number is not final how bad six million unaccounted for is the floor not the ceiling
00:07:43six million dollars was not a clerical error six million dollars was a pattern
00:07:50six million through what a shell company registered in delaware address goes to a peepo box the
00:07:56signatory is a name i'm running down the wire pattern matches equipment vendor payments diving
00:08:01rigs that never arrived drill bits that were never installed travel reimbursements for trips no one
00:08:06took for seven years for at least the last four i closed my eyes the money had never mattered
00:08:14my family had given the foundation more in any single year than what preston had pocketed in four
00:08:19what mattered was the shape of it the shape was he had been planning this since at least four years
00:08:23ago
00:08:24since the year he and i had taken a sabbatical month to iceland together the year he had asked
00:08:29me to marry him and then walked it back the same evening because it wasn't the right time
00:08:39damien i opened my eyes what does reagan have that we don't
00:08:45her name on a wire two of them so far
00:08:54she's not the graduate studies she's been pretending to be damien laid it out on the
00:08:57rolling tray table at my elbow two wire transferals both routed through the same delaware shell both
00:09:01signed at the receiving end by our snow the amounts were not enormous 84 000 112 000 both wired in
00:09:07the last
00:09:0714 months both dated to weeks reagan had been listed on preston's expedition minused as a junior
00:09:11research 84 000 for what equipment line item a piece of sonar gear that was never delivered
00:09:17she's 26 she's 26 on paper her undergrad was an internship at a foundation in connecticut
00:09:24whose director sat on three of preston's grant review panels
00:09:28she wasn't his accident she was his hire she was his hire
00:09:36how long have you known
00:09:39since the second wire cleared
00:09:42four months
00:09:46i was building i needed the chain to be unbreakable
00:09:50if you'd come to me sooner i'd have moved sooner
00:09:56i didn't know to come to you
00:09:59i know
00:09:59a nurse pushed open the door look at my face looked at the tray of documents looked at damon and
00:10:03quietly
00:10:03backed out damon picked up a fresh sheet from the bottom of the stack he turned it so i could
00:10:07see it was a screen grab of a private social media account locked one of two followers the
00:10:11western handle of a core counter the hand was not mine the post was dated two years before reagan
00:10:15had supposedly emailed preston out of the blue there's the pin post was a photograph of preston
00:10:19in cross and true seat or hand invencible the wound throbbed once i let it damien
00:10:26she's been with him for at minimum three years
00:10:32three years three years was an entire fellowship cycle three years was a lab move three years was
00:10:38every conference where preston had told me he was too overwhelmed to bring me as a guest
00:10:42three years was the time during which i had been planning a wedding in my head
00:10:45while writing his grants in my hand i picked the photograph back up
00:10:49the hand on preston's cheek had a small mark at the wrist
00:10:52the same shape as a beauty mark reagan had
00:10:55very pale almost invisible against her skin
00:10:58i had once told her that mark was lovely
00:11:00she had told me she hated it
00:11:06how long until the audit drops
00:11:09friday three days how long until the criminal complaint files
00:11:14riley pope has already been brought in for questioning by the u.s attorney's office
00:11:17preston he'll be charged tuesday federal jurisdiction the beacon falls under interstate field safety
00:11:22regulations reagan reagan is more delicate the wires are evidence of fraud the relationship is
00:11:27evidence of motive the recording is evidence of intent but she'll lawyer up fast i expect her to flip
00:11:31on preston by the end of next week and the academic side marsh's ethics committee convenes wednesday at his
00:11:36university we are providing the audit the recording and the wires outcome is predictable
00:11:41he'll be stripped of his appointment his doctoral supervision rights his five most recent publications
00:11:45and the federal grant he was about to sign
00:11:49reeves dami did not blink
00:11:51reeves has known about the embezzlement for at least two years
00:11:54i closed my eyes
00:11:55he nominated you for the independent fellowship in part to diffuse internal questions about who your name kept
00:12:00appearing on the foundation paperwork and never on the bylines
00:12:02that's why he called me that's why a door opened i opened my eyes my father was standing in the
00:12:08doorway
00:12:08eyes red coats till on the wrinkles on his face deeper than i remembered you damien stood up he
00:12:13stopped two feet from damien and put both hands on damien did not look at me as he passed thank
00:12:17you
00:12:17my father had not cried in front of me since my mother's funeral he did not cry now exactly but
00:12:23he sat
00:12:23on the edge of my bed and held my left hand the one with damien signet still on the forefinger
00:12:27and he did
00:12:28not let go for a long time don't talk he held my hand i have to sloan don't talk he
00:12:34looked at the
00:12:34signet he looked at damien standing very still by the window how long 20 years sir
00:12:41i know that i mean the ring five days dad nodded once slow
00:12:53the pierces boy the one who used to follow sloan around the orchard at thanksgiving and pretend he
00:12:59didn't care if she shared her dessert yes sir dad almost smiled i told your father at the time
00:13:07told him what sir that you were going to be the kind of man who ran out of things to
00:13:11fear by the age
00:13:12of 30. he didn't believe me he was wrong sweetheart
00:13:26the foundation is mine again as of this morning the board approved a clean break from the marsh
00:13:33laboratory and all of his ongoing projects the audit will be public when it drops your name will be
00:13:40cleared as of friday morning the donor wall in cambridge will be re-engraved with your sole credit
00:13:46on the whitfield climate initiative dad that's that's seven years of your life sloan not a favor
00:13:54he pressed my hand he stood up he kissed my forehead the way he had when i was a child
00:13:59home from school
00:14:00with strep i'm gonna step outside and let you rest i'll be in the hall i'll be in the hall
00:14:07he looked
00:14:08at damien crane sir when she's better we talk yes sir
00:14:18the door closed
00:14:22i looked at damien i had known him for a long time
00:14:26he gave you permission he sat back down on the edge of the bed
00:14:30he didn't have to i never asked him for any
00:14:36but yes he did
00:14:40i'll wait until you're ready
00:14:44for what he almost smiled not quite everything
00:15:00friday morning the audit dropped it hit the internet at 6 a.m eastern a leak coordinated
00:15:05presumably by damien's communications team went to a science investigative reporter at a respected
00:15:10outlet by 8 the headline had been picked up by every major u s paper by 10 the hashtag was
00:15:16trending
00:15:16garcia walked into my room with a tablet and a tray of fresh squeezed orange juice
00:15:20216 articles since 6
00:15:23she tapped the screen
00:15:26glaciotology star falls in whitefield foundation fraud probe inside the regling cover-up
00:15:31i scrolled photographs of preston photographs of the rangel camp
00:15:35a still from the radio archive showing the time stamp on preston's order to disable my beacon
00:15:40a photograph of the equipment crate i had spent the night inside
00:15:43with claw marks down the side taken by a federal investigator the morning after my evacuation
00:15:48the comments were brutal
00:15:50if this is what academic excellence looks like
00:15:52this man let his girlfriend bleed in the snow for a grant
00:15:55the deputy who turned off her beacon should be in handcuffs by lunch
00:15:59i scrolled until i found reagan
00:16:01she had preempted the audit
00:16:04slone whitfield could have died
00:16:06cry harder
00:16:09i closed the tablet
00:16:10how is preston taking it he has not been seen leaving his apartment
00:16:13the university has placed him on administrative leave pending wednesday's hearing
00:16:16riley pope has been charged he pleaded out
00:16:1918 months federal with cooperation
00:16:21reagan snow's lawyer issued a statement at 7 a.m. claiming she will fully co-op
00:16:25reeves
00:16:25dr reeves announced his retirement at 6 30
00:16:28effective immediately the university accepted within the hour
00:16:31i exhaled the wound did not mind anymore
00:16:34in a meeting he'll be back at noon he left this for you
00:16:38she slid a small white card onto the tray
00:16:40i picked it up
00:16:41by saturday i was sitting upright in a chair by the window
00:16:44by sunday i was walking the corridor twice a day with a nurse at my elbow
00:16:48by monday they had moved me out of the icu and into a regular suite on the 14th floor
00:16:53where the view stretched all the way down across the east river
00:16:56the flowers had started arriving friday afternoon and had not stopped
00:16:59the first arrangement was from my graduate school cohort
00:17:02the second from the foundation board
00:17:04the third and this one had made me sit up from the chair of the national science foundation
00:17:08who had written a personal note saying he had been appalled
00:17:10and that i should consider when i was well enough picking up the principal investigator role on the project
00:17:15that had been preston's
00:17:17the fourth came with no card
00:17:18you're upright
00:17:20i'm upright
00:17:22how does it feel
00:17:23like i have a hole in my chest but a much smaller one than yesterday
00:17:27he almost smiled
00:17:28from you
00:17:32narcissus
00:17:33from the lake house
00:17:38damien
00:17:39he met my eyes
00:17:41how long
00:17:44the flower
00:17:46since you were 12
00:17:48not the flower
00:17:49he sat on the edge of the bed
00:17:50i sat with that
00:17:51sloan
00:17:5220 years
00:17:53i was 29
00:17:5320 years
00:17:54that meant when i had cried to him about my freshman year boyfriend at 16 he had already known
00:17:58that meant every time
00:17:59over the long stretch of years
00:18:01he had appeared at the edge of my life with the precise timing of a person who was paying very
00:18:04close attention
00:18:05without ever announcing himself
00:18:06i looked at the signet on my left hand
00:18:11damien
00:18:16why didn't you ever say
00:18:18damien took a long time to answer
00:18:20the light from the window had begun to thin
00:18:22the kind of new york winter dusk that turns everything blue
00:18:25when you were 12 you were 12 there was nothing to say
00:18:29when you were 16 you were dating that boy
00:18:31you were happy there was nothing to say
00:18:34when you were 19 you came home from college and told me you'd met a graduate student named
00:18:38preston marsh
00:18:40you want to know what i thought of him
00:18:44i told you he was fine
00:18:46you told me he was fine
00:18:48he wasn't fine
00:18:49i knew he wasn't fine
00:18:53but you wanted permission
00:18:54you were not asking me what i thought of him
00:18:58you were asking me to bless what you had already decided
00:19:02you blessed it anyway
00:19:04i blessed it anyway
00:19:06why
00:19:06he looked down at his hands
00:19:08because if i'd said no you have done it anyway
00:19:10and i would have lost you for the next decade
00:19:12instead of being able to sit across a holiday table from you twice a year
00:19:17i made a calculation
00:19:19the calculation was wrong
00:19:20he looked up
00:19:22i would have made a different one
00:19:24if i had known
00:19:26known what
00:19:28that he would put a hole in your chest
00:19:30the room held the sentence
00:19:31i felt the wound stir
00:19:32it did not hurt the same way anymore
00:19:34it hurt differently
00:19:35like something was being said through it
00:19:37and not done to it
00:19:38it wasn't his hole
00:19:39it was an ice shard
00:19:40it was his hole
00:19:41he left you with it
00:19:43he turned off your beacon
00:19:45he drove away
00:19:46he did not soften the statement
00:19:47the shape of the wound is ice full
00:19:49and you crossed the country
00:19:51the cause of the wound is preston marsh
00:19:53i would have crossed any country
00:19:58damien
00:19:59he did not look away
00:20:04i'm not gonna forgive him
00:20:06i know
00:20:07i'm not gonna take him back
00:20:09i know
00:20:11i am however
00:20:13going to need a minute
00:20:19i've spent a lifetime waiting for you sloan
00:20:25take all the time you need
00:20:26he stood
00:20:27he bent forward
00:20:28his lips brushed my forehead
00:20:29light the way an older brother might
00:20:31the way a person who had been disciplined about a feeling for a very long time might
00:20:34when the door was finally cracked open
00:20:36i have a meeting at seven
00:20:37i'll be back at nine
00:20:39damien
00:20:42don't be late
00:20:42he almost smiled
00:20:44he left
00:20:45the narcissist on the windowsill held their pale yellow in the blue light
00:20:50tuesday afternoon
00:20:51preston was arraigned
00:20:52i did not watch the live stream
00:20:54gossier told me about it after the fact
00:20:56sitting in the chair by my bed with her tablet face down on her knee
00:20:59she summarized in her efficient
00:21:01neutral voice the same voice she used to read me the morning's flower deliveries
00:21:05preston had been processed through the federal courthouse in lower manhattan
00:21:09the charges were read loud
00:21:11federal embezzlement and wire fraud
00:21:14knowingly dissaying a fellow team member's emergency equipment in a hazardous environment
00:21:18and falsification of federal grant documentation
00:21:31his bail had been set at one million dollars
00:21:34his attorney had argued he was not a flight risk
00:21:37the prosecution had pointed to the whitfield foundation audit
00:21:40and to a passport that on inspection contained a sealed visa for a country with no extradition treaty
00:21:47his bail was set at one million dollars
00:21:49his attorney argued he was not a flight risk
00:21:52the prosecution pointed to the audit
00:21:54and to a passport with a visa for a country with no extradition treaty
00:21:58bail remained at one million dollars
00:22:00his passport was revoked
00:22:02how did he look?
00:22:04smaller
00:22:06smaller?
00:22:07at faculty fundraisers he carried himself like a man waiting to be the smartest in any room
00:22:11today he carried himself like a man waiting to be told what to do
00:22:15she set the tablet on the bedside table
00:22:17mr crane wants me to tell you
00:22:19wednesday's ethics committee hearing has been moved to 10 a.m
00:22:21the university requested that you attend by video link
00:22:24you may decline
00:22:26i'll attend
00:22:28mr crane suspected you would
00:22:32she rose
00:22:33is there anything else miss whitfield?
00:22:35one thing
00:22:38reagan
00:22:39she has not been arraigned
00:22:40the u.s attorney's office is finalizing terms
00:22:42she will testify against preston and dr reeves
00:22:46she will not be testifying against you
00:22:47she will likely receive limited immunity on the fraud charges
00:22:50a deferred prosecution agreement
00:22:52community service
00:22:53and a permanent bar from federally funded research
00:22:55she still has her social media
00:22:58she still has her social media
00:22:59the court cannot regulate that
00:23:01that's fine
00:23:03let her have it
00:23:05mr crane will be displeased
00:23:06mr crane will live
00:23:08garcia paused
00:23:09halfway to the door
00:23:11garcia tilted her head a fraction
00:23:12she almost laughed
00:23:14she left
00:23:14i lay back against the pillows
00:23:16and watched the narcissist tilt slowly toward the late afternoon sun
00:23:19wednesday morning
00:23:2010 a.m garcia rolled in a portable monitor on a tray and angled it toward the bed
00:23:24the ethics committee at preston's university convened on screen seven chairs around a heavy wood table in a panelled room
00:23:30i had been inside
00:23:31once during my own thesis defense
00:23:33when reeves had introduced me as one of his students
00:23:35reeves was not at the table today
00:23:37he had retired friday morning
00:23:39the chair of the committee
00:23:40a tall woman in her 60s whose hair was twisted into a low knot
00:23:43opened the proceedings
00:23:45mr marsh
00:23:46do you have anything to say before we begin
00:23:48preston rose from his seat at the foot of the table
00:23:50he had aged a decade and five days
00:23:52the polished hair was unkempt
00:23:54the pressed shirt was open at the collar without a tie
00:23:57i do
00:23:58his voice was flatter than i had ever heard it
00:24:00whatever the committee decides
00:24:01i accept
00:24:04i acknowledge the irregularities in the funding records of the regling expedition
00:24:09i acknowledge the irregularities in the authorship history of the manuscripts under review
00:24:15on the day of the avalanche i did not handle the evacuation of my team as i should have
00:24:20the chair did not soften
00:24:21i accept the consequences of those choices
00:24:24the committee has reviewed the audit
00:24:26the field radio archive
00:24:28the wire records
00:24:29and the personal contribution log of sloan whitstein
00:24:31the committee has also reviewed the statement obtained this morning under cooperation agreement from riley pope
00:24:39do you acknowledge that you transmitted a radio instruction to disable sloan whitfile's emergency locator
00:24:47the room is very still
00:24:51i do
00:24:56at the time you transmitted that instruction were you aware that sloan whitston was injured
00:25:00and at the edge of the camp perimeter
00:25:06i do
00:25:09mr marsh
00:25:10the committee finds the following
00:25:12you have engaged in academic misconduct of the most serious kind
00:25:18your conduct on the day of the avalanche
00:25:21endangered the life of a fellow expedition member
00:25:24the body of work submitted under your sole authorship for the past four years
00:25:29contains substantial material taken from the unpublished work of sloan whitnick
00:25:33without consent or attribution
00:25:40the committee recommends that your tenure be revoked
00:25:42your doctoral supervision rights be terminated
00:25:44and the five most recent publications under your name be retracted
00:25:47you'd be permanently barred from holding any federally funded academic appointment
00:25:51the regular climate proxies grant should be revoked and the funds returned
00:25:54do you wish to respond
00:25:57do you wish to respond
00:26:24it's done
00:26:27it's done
00:26:37it's done
00:26:40there's a man at security in the lobby asking to see you
00:26:43he's same he said his name was preston marsh
00:26:46i had told garcia
00:26:48he said he doesn't expect you to say yes
00:26:51let him up
00:26:52that i would receive him
00:26:53i had thought about it carefully
00:26:54i had thought about it the way damien thought about a chain of evidence not for spite
00:26:58not for forgiveness
00:26:59but to close the circuit
00:27:00i had spent seven years inside that circuit
00:27:02i needed to walk out under my own power
00:27:04damien was in a meeting on the other side of town
00:27:07i had not told him i had agreed to this
00:27:09i had not told him i had not agreed to this either
00:27:11the door opened
00:27:12preston stood in the doorway
00:27:14he did not come in
00:27:15he looked exactly as he had on the video feed except smaller
00:27:18somehow
00:27:18in person
00:27:19the way garcia had said
00:27:20the charcoal suit replaced by jeans and a sweater that did not fit him quite right
00:27:24the glass is askew
00:27:33sloan
00:27:34get up
00:27:35i won't
00:27:36i'm not asking
00:27:37he stayed where he was
00:27:38i came to apologize
00:27:43he breathed in once
00:27:44at once
00:27:46i owe you an apology i cannot make in two pages
00:27:49i wrote it badly
00:27:53every grant
00:27:54every piece of equipment
00:27:56every late night
00:27:59i knew
00:28:00i always knew
00:28:02i told myself a story about it that let me sleep
00:28:05and the night of the avalanche
00:28:08i told riley to turn off the beacon
00:28:12i told myself the whitfields would send a plane
00:28:16i told myself
00:28:18you would always have a way out
00:28:21that's what i told myself
00:28:23that's what i told myself
00:28:24so leaving you in the snow had no consequence
00:28:33that's what i told myself
00:28:35the room held it
00:28:37the room held it
00:28:52i let it hold
00:29:01he got off the floor
00:29:04he got off the floor
00:29:04he stood near the foot of my bed
00:29:05three things
00:29:06hands at his sides
00:29:07head still bowed
00:29:08one
00:29:09i am not retracting any of the charges
00:29:11the federal case will proceed
00:29:14your career will not survive it
00:29:16that is not negotiable
00:29:19i haven't
00:29:21two
00:29:22i will not be writing a victim impact statement that asks the court for leniency
00:29:28i will be writing one that asks the court to apply the full weight of the statute
00:29:32you are free to write your own
00:29:33you are free to ask dr revils to write his own
00:29:37understood
00:29:39three
00:29:41i looked at him for a long time
00:29:43he had once been a man i would have crossed any distance to please
00:29:47there had been a year possibly two when i had organized my entire life around the question of what preston
00:29:52would think
00:29:53i looked at him now and i felt nothing
00:29:55not contempt
00:29:56not pity
00:29:57not love
00:29:58not even anger
00:29:59a clean nothing
00:30:00the way you might look at a coat you wore through college
00:30:02hanging in the back of a closet
00:30:04and feel surprised that you had ever fit into it
00:30:11i do not accept it
00:30:17not because it isn't sincere
00:30:19today
00:30:20it might be
00:30:21i think it might be
00:30:23what i have learned
00:30:24in seven years of you
00:30:26is that your sincerity is a renewable resource
00:30:29it comes back every time the consequences arrive
00:30:32it always sound the same
00:30:35it always asks the same thing
00:30:37which is for me to absorb the cost
00:30:40i'm done absorbing the cost
00:30:45you will live with what you did
00:30:48i will not be helping you live with it
00:30:51for a moment i thought he might say something
00:30:53more some version of the speech
00:30:54refined now to its purest form
00:30:56that he had been delivering to me
00:30:57in fragments
00:30:58for seven years
00:30:59he didn't
00:31:00he closed his eyes once
00:31:01he opened them
00:31:02i understand
00:31:03he walked to the door
00:31:04in the doorway
00:31:05he paused
00:31:06he did not look back
00:31:07sloan
00:31:09yes
00:31:10be happy
00:31:14the door closed behind him
00:31:15i sat alone in the hospital suite
00:31:17with the late afternoon light moving slowly across the floor
00:31:19i waited to feel something
00:31:21after a long time
00:31:22i noticed what i felt was the absence of something
00:31:24a weight i had been carrying since the year i was 22
00:31:28for seven years i carried that weight
00:31:30i turned my life into a project just to be seen
00:31:34i piled up my efforts as evidence
00:31:37but i don't need to be seen by him anymore
00:31:42when i had decided that the rest of my life was going to be a project of making one specific
00:31:47man see me
00:31:48it was no longer there
00:31:49i picked up my phone
00:31:50i texted damien
00:31:52come back when you can
00:31:54he answered within 10 seconds
00:31:56on my way
00:31:58damien did not knock
00:31:59the door to my hospital suite opened 12 minutes after preston walked out of it
00:32:03and damien stood in the doorway with snow still melting on his shoulders
00:32:06he did not look at me first
00:32:08he looked at the chair where preston had been kneeling
00:32:10he looked at the spot on the carpet where preston's knees had pressed two indentations
00:32:14he looked at the trace of cologne
00:32:16preston's faint
00:32:17civilians still hanging in the air
00:32:19he crossed the room in five strides
00:32:22did he touch you?
00:32:26damien
00:32:28sloan
00:32:29did he touch you?
00:32:31no
00:32:37his thumbs moved across my cheekbones
00:32:39my temples
00:32:40the line of my jaw checking
00:32:42the way a person checks a child after they have fallen
00:32:49i should not have left this morning
00:32:52i asked garcia to let him up
00:32:56i know
00:32:57she called me on the drive back
00:32:59i broke three traffic laws
00:33:01damien
00:33:02i would have broken 30
00:33:10look at me
00:33:19i had not
00:33:20in all the time i had known him
00:33:22seen damien crane afraid of anything
00:33:25not his father
00:33:26not his mother
00:33:27not a boardroom
00:33:28not a press conference
00:33:30not the leverage held over him by half of manhattan
00:33:34he was afraid now
00:33:35he was afraid that i had spent 12 minutes in a room with the man i had loved for seven
00:33:40years
00:33:40and that 12 minutes was all it took for me to forgive him
00:33:45i told him no
00:33:48i know
00:33:49i told him to leave
00:33:53i know
00:33:55i am not going back to him
00:33:57he closed his eyes
00:33:58he pressed his forehead to mine
00:34:00he stayed there
00:34:01breathing
00:34:02for a long time
00:34:09sloan
00:34:11i am about to be very selfish
00:34:14be selfish
00:34:17i do not want to leave this room again
00:34:20then don't
00:34:23he did not
00:34:34he did not sleep that night
00:34:36the chair he pulled up to my bed was leather and too small
00:34:39he folded himself into it anyway
00:34:42he held my left hand inside both of his
00:34:44and watched the heart monitor as if it might lie if he looked away
00:34:47sometime around 3 a.m.
00:34:50i pretended to be asleep
00:34:51just to see what he would do
00:34:53he stood up
00:34:54he walked to the window
00:34:55he looked out at the east river for 10 minutes
00:34:58he turned back
00:34:59he stood at the foot of the bed and watched my chest rise and fall
00:35:03counting
00:35:03with the precision of a man who had once counted my pulse on a medevac
00:35:07then he came back to the chair
00:35:08he leaned in
00:35:10he pressed his lips
00:35:11very lightly
00:35:12to the inside of my wrist where the ivy line went in
00:35:14he whispered into my skin
00:35:30i am sorry i did not come sooner
00:35:36when
00:35:40you were awake
00:35:41sooner when damien
00:35:49eight years ago
00:35:51when
00:35:52the night you came home from grad school for the holiday
00:35:55you laughed at something preston said about a sample i had never heard of
00:35:59i went home and painted 700 nassaville on a wall
00:36:03and decided i would wait
00:36:06i should have come for you that night
00:36:09damien
00:36:11i would have
00:36:12if i had known how it would end
00:36:15he looked at the signet on my fourth finger
00:36:18i bought this a long time ago
00:36:21this ring
00:36:23this ring
00:36:25for me
00:36:26for the day i stopped waiting
00:36:30i waited far longer than i should have
00:36:32i am not waiting an hour longer than i have to
00:36:36damien
00:36:37hmm
00:36:39what are you telling me
00:36:40he met my eyes
00:36:47i am telling you that the rest of my life starts at sunrise
00:36:50when you walk out of this hospital
00:36:52you walk into my house
00:36:59and you do not walk out of it again unless i am holding the door
00:37:06the next person who tries to take you from me
00:37:08will spend the rest of his life regretting it
00:37:25faster
00:37:26good
00:37:35discharge day
00:37:36damien did not let a nurse touch me
00:37:39he sent the wheelchair away
00:37:40he sent the orderly away
00:37:42he scooped me out of the bed with one arm under my knees and one behind my
00:37:46shoulders and carried me
00:37:47slowly
00:37:48the length of the corridor to the elevator
00:37:50i had walked
00:37:51by then
00:37:52the length of that corridor on my own three times
00:37:55i did not need to be carried
00:37:57i did not object
00:37:58the elevator opened in the underground garage
00:38:01a black idled
00:38:02he set me down only long enough to open the door
00:38:05and then he lifted me again into the back seat as if the act of placing me
00:38:08there himself was something he could not delegate
00:38:10garcia
00:38:11in the front passenger seat
00:38:12did not turn around
00:38:14the pulled out
00:38:15damien did not let go of my hand on the drive uptown
00:38:29i bought the building
00:38:31which building
00:38:33my building
00:38:33i own the penthouse
00:38:35i bought the rest of it last month
00:38:36all of it
00:38:37all of it
00:38:39why
00:38:41i did not want strangers across a wall from you
00:38:46damien
00:38:51the other residents have been compensated above market
00:38:53they had 90 days to relocate
00:38:55the last unit cleared on friday
00:38:57the building is empty except for the staff i vetted
00:39:01and the floor i am going to put your father on if he wants it
00:39:04my father has a house
00:39:06he has a house
00:39:07he may also have the eighth floor
00:39:10damien
00:39:10you are being excessive
00:39:14i am told i am being excessive
00:39:18he brought my hand to his mouth
00:39:19tell me to stop
00:39:21i am not telling you to stop
00:39:24i can't bear to
00:39:27the pulled into the garage
00:39:32he carried me into the elevator
00:39:33the doors opened directly into his foyer
00:39:36into the wall of painted narcissus
00:39:38and he set me down in front of it
00:39:46look
00:39:47look
00:39:47i looked
00:39:48a second wall
00:39:50opposite the first
00:39:51had been painted in my absence
00:39:53cores
00:39:54the shapes of ice cores
00:39:5637 of them
00:39:57one for every site i had drilled in 7 years
00:40:00labeled in white paint in my own handwriting
00:40:02which had been copied
00:40:03line for line
00:40:04from photographs of the field journal reagan had stolen
00:40:07i could not speak
00:40:16i commissioned it in march
00:40:17the artist worked from your notebooks
00:40:19i had the originals returned from the federal evidence locker on a temporary basis
00:40:24they are now back in the locker
00:40:26damien
00:40:27the paintings are yours
00:40:29welcome home sloan
00:40:31the first week in his apartment i learned how he had been loving me for a long time
00:40:35i learned it in small pieces the way a person learns the contents of a house they have moved
00:40:39into without a tour
00:40:40a bookshelf in the library held every paper i had ever published even the undergraduate ones
00:40:45even the conference posters bound in matching cloth and arranged in chronological order
00:40:50a drawer in the kitchen held my mother's recipe for soda bread hand copied from her handwriting onto a card
00:40:55he had laminated a folder in his study kept in a drawer
00:40:58he did not lock contained years of photographs of me clipped from family christmas cards and university newsletters and the
00:41:05society pages i found the folder on the sixth day
00:41:08i did not tell him i had found it i sat on the floor of his study and turned through
00:41:13the photographs in order and at the back of the folder i found a single envelope sealed addressed to me
00:41:18in his handwriting and dated a long time ago
00:41:20i almost opened it i did not i left it where it was that night at dinner i asked him
00:41:25the letter in the back of the folder he set his fork down he did not pretend to misunderstand
00:41:30you found it what is it it is what i would have said to you that night if i had
00:41:36come for you instead of painting the wall
00:41:39you kept it i kept everything damien i have kept the napkin you wrote your phone number on when you
00:41:45were 11
00:41:46i have kept the wrapper of the chocolate you split with me at your sister's christenshin
00:41:49i've kept the program of every recital your mother dragged us to i've kept the cockscrew you used to open
00:41:54the wine at your graduation dinner
00:41:55i have kept the boarding pass you gave me when you came back from iceland the year you turned 23
00:42:00and asked if i would pick you up from jf because your boyfriend had forgotten
00:42:05he met my eyes i've kept all of it because i had to keep something i set my fork down
00:42:10too
00:42:10how many marriages did your mother arrange for you three you refused all three i refused all three
00:42:19for me sloan everything i have ever refused i refused for you his mother came on tuesday she had
00:42:27not in the seven years i dated preston sent me so much as a holiday card she came now with
00:42:32a bouquet
00:42:33of pale pink peonies and a smile that did not reach her eyes and she sat across from me in
00:42:38damien's
00:42:38living room with the careful posture of a woman conducting a negotiation she expected to win
00:42:43damien stood by the window he did not sit he did not greet his mother sloan and dear i came
00:42:49to
00:42:49welcome you mrs crane i imagine all of this has been very overwhelming the hospital the press
00:42:53my son's enthusiasm his enthusiasm he has always been intense particularly about the things he has
00:43:00wanted for a long time i wonder if you have considered my dear whether intensity about this
00:43:04stage in your recovery is perhaps what you need by the window damien turned he did not raise his
00:43:09voice mother damien you have 10 seconds to walk out of this apartment
00:43:16damien i am only eight seconds you will not speak to me six seconds the peonies untouched on the
00:43:25coffee table trembled with the vibration of the elevator returning to the foyer she rose she gathered
00:43:30her coat she looked at me with the same smile pulled tight across her face my dear when this novelty
00:43:36passes two seconds she left the elevator doors closed damien did not move for a long moment
00:43:41then he crossed the room and knelt in front of the chair where i was sitting he took both my
00:43:46hands
00:43:48sloan damien my mother will not be in this apartment again damien she's your mother my mother
00:43:53spent a long time telling me i would forget you if i tried hard enough she introduced me to 14
00:43:57women
00:43:57whose family's my last name she told my father at one point that i was an embarrassment to the family
00:44:01for refusing to marry she does not get to walk in here now and call you a novelty there is
00:44:05no version of
00:44:06this where you are second to anyone sloan not my mother not the company not the past he pressed my
00:44:13knuckles to his mouth not for the rest of my life he visited preston in prison on a wednesday i
00:44:20did not
00:44:21know he had gone until he came home and sat across from me at the kitchen island and poured himself
00:44:25a
00:44:25glass of whiskey and told me i went to see marsh today damien i had to why i wanted him
00:44:34to see my
00:44:35face he turned the glass in his fingers he has been telling himself since the hearing that what
00:44:40happened to him was the system that the audit broke him that the federal prosecutor broke him
00:44:45that the press broke him i wanted him to know it was a man what did you say to him
00:44:52i sat across a steel table from her 14 minutes i didn't speak for the first 10 he waited he
00:44:57was the
00:44:57one who broke he asked me what i wanted i told him i wanted him to understand exactly what he
00:45:01had done
00:45:02that he had touched a woman i had loved for a long time that he had taken seven years of
00:45:06her
00:45:06life and gambled them on a press release that he had left her in the snow because he assumed her
00:45:11family would clean it up i told him that the part he didn't understand and would now have years to
00:45:15understand was that there had never been a moment in all the time he had known her when she was
00:45:18unprotected i told him that he was alive only because you had asked me not to make a different
00:45:22decision he drank he cried damien i did not enjoy it did you not he set down the glass i
00:45:33enjoyed every
00:45:33second of it i'm not going to pretend otherwise i sat across from a man who had hurt you and
00:45:37i watched
00:45:37him understand for the first time that he had been a small animal stepping on the tail of a much
00:45:42larger
00:45:42one he came around the island he stopped in front of me he cupped the back of my neck the
00:45:47way he had
00:45:47cupped my skull in the tent that is what i am sloan with respect to you i am the much
00:45:54larger animal
00:45:55i will be that animal for the rest of your life for any person who looks at you sideways i
00:45:59am not
00:45:59going to pretend to be a different one tell me you understand i understand he pressed his forehead to
00:46:06mine good reagan called the apartment on a thursday she had been told by every lawyer involved
00:46:13not to the no contact clause was in effect she called anyway through the main line of crane
00:46:18industries asking to be put through to me by name the receptionist forwarded the call to garcia
00:46:24garcia forwarded it to damien damien answered on speaker in front of me at the kitchen island
00:46:29miss snow master crane i am calling because you are calling because your book deal collapsed your
00:46:38father's foundation has been quietly delisted from three donor circles in the last six weeks
00:46:42your fiance's family has rescinded the engagement your apartment lease is not being renewed and you
00:46:48have correctly disduced that all of this is connected silence it is connected mr crane i would
00:46:55like you to listen to me very carefully miss snow the reason your life is currently coming apart is
00:47:00not because i am vindictive i am perfectly capable of vindictiveness i have not yet been vindictive with
00:47:06you the reason your life is coming apart is because the woman whose career you tried to take
00:47:10whose data you stole and whose recording i played in front of you in a tent at minus 31
00:47:14asked me three months ago to leave you alone i have honored that request
00:47:21i have how however not asked any other person who knows you did to honor it
00:47:26it turns out there are a great number of those people they are removing you on their own from
00:47:31the rooms they control the book editor at the publishing house was a former student of sloan's
00:47:35the donor coordinator at your father's foundation served on a whitfield panel four years ago
00:47:38your fiance's mother has been on the board of the whitfield climate initiative since 2011
00:47:43they are not retaliating the snow they are simply choosing mr crane please i am not the one you
00:47:50should be asking miss snow he ended the call he set down the phone he looked at me she will
00:47:56call
00:47:56again she will eventually call you she might i would like permission when she does to make a small
00:48:02adjustment to her circumstances what adjustment a federal investigation currently dormant into the source
00:48:07of the wire that funded her original internship damian i will only act if you tell me to i looked
00:48:13at him for a long moment i did not tell him to i also did not tell him not to
00:48:17he read my face he
00:48:19nodded once he poured me a cup of tea the nights were the hardest i had not in seven years
00:48:25with preston
00:48:26slept poorly i had slept on his couches and in his tents and across his shoulders on long flights
00:48:32and i had slept the way a person who believed in the structure of her life slept the structure was
00:48:36gone
00:48:37now the nights showed it i did not tell damien he noticed anyway he noticed on the fourth night when
00:48:43he came up to bring me a book i had asked for and found me sitting on the couch by
00:48:47the south windows
00:48:48with the lights off he set the book down he sat next to me he did not ask he simply
00:48:54pulled me
00:48:54carefully against his shoulder and we sat that way until the city lights began to thin toward dawn
00:49:00on the fifth night he came up at 10 on the sixth night he came up at nine on the
00:49:05seventh night he
00:49:06stayed he did not ask permission he came up with a small leather bag and a book and the smallest
00:49:11most contained smile i had ever seen on his face and he said sloan i am going to sleep in
00:49:17the second
00:49:17bedroom the door will be open if you need me you say my name you do not have to get
00:49:22up you do not
00:49:23have to ring a bell you say my name and i will be in the room in under three seconds
00:49:26damien i am not
00:49:29asking for anything i know i am telling you that for the rest of your life if you say my
00:49:37name in the dark
00:49:38i will be there in under three seconds he kissed my forehead he went into the second bedroom he left
00:49:44the door open i lay in my own bed for the first hour i listened to the sounds of him
00:49:49in the next
00:49:49room the small zipper of the leather bag the click of a lamp the soft rustle of a turned page
00:49:54at 11 30
00:49:55the page turning stopped he had fallen asleep with the book on his chest i got up i crossed the
00:50:01hallway
00:50:01i stood in the doorway of the second bedroom and watched him sleep a man in a charcoal pullover
00:50:06and reading glasses in a guest bed in his own house lit by a single lamp he had been waiting
00:50:11a long time to sleep in the same hallway as me i went back to my room i left both
00:50:16doors open i slept
00:50:17the whole night through he gave me the cranes on a sunday i had told him two weeks earlier in
00:50:23the way
00:50:23a person tells a story that no longer matters that as a child i had folded a wish into a
00:50:28paper crane and
00:50:29put it in a jar on my bedroom windowsill the wish had been for my mother to get well my
00:50:33mother had not
00:50:33gotten well i had stopped folding cranes he had said nothing at the time he had simply nodded he
00:50:39led me to the library that sunday morning he opened the double doors the room three stories of bookshelves
00:50:45a leather sofa his piano against the back wall had been filled since i had last been in it the
00:50:50day before
00:50:51with paper cranes there were thousands of them they hung from the ceiling on threads of clear nylon
00:50:56in soft drifts at different heights in the pale yellow of winter narcissus i stopped in the doorway
00:51:01one thousand
00:51:04damien one for every wish i have made for you since we were children i kept count he stepped into
00:51:10the
00:51:10room he turned one of the cranes gently on its thread i started after the year your mother died
00:51:15i did not know what to do with the things i wanted for you i started folding i folded one
00:51:18a week for the
00:51:19first year two a week for the next sometime around my underground years i lost track i counted them
00:51:23last month there were 947 i folded the last 53 in the apartment downstairs while you were upstairs
00:51:30sleeping i crossed the room i touched one of the cranes the paper was thin and cool the crease was
00:51:36perfect i knew the fold it was the same fold i had used at nine he had been folding cranes
00:51:41for me
00:51:42alone in his apartment for a long time damien what were the wishes he looked at me that you would
00:51:50grow
00:51:50up happy that you would grow up loved that you would grow up to do the work you wanted that
00:51:55you
00:51:55would eventually be able to come home and rest that you would eventually see me that is the only wish
00:52:02i never finished folding he reached up and unhooked a single crane from a thread above his head he held
00:52:07it
00:52:08out to me i would like you to fold the last one i took the crane it was a half
00:52:11fold the paper waiting
00:52:13the crease set damien when you are ready i am ready i folded the last crane the wish i folded
00:52:22inside it
00:52:22was that i had not taken so long to see him i hung it on the empty thread he held
00:52:27me in the doorway of
00:52:28the library for a long time i kissed him that night not the careful kiss on the couch he had
00:52:36given me
00:52:36weeks ago not a kiss i was allowing him to give me a kiss i gave him i crossed the
00:52:41library after dinner
00:52:42he was at the piano playing the eight notes my mother used to hum he did not see me coming
00:52:47i sat
00:52:47down next to him on the bench i waited for him to finish the phrase i tilted his face toward
00:52:52mine
00:52:53with two fingers under his chin i kissed him he went very still for a heartbeat he did not respond
00:52:59then he made a small sound not a word something quieter a sound i had never heard him make in
00:53:04all
00:53:04the time i had known him and his hand came up to cut the back of my neck and the
00:53:08bench creaked
00:53:08because he had moved without thinking he kissed me back the way a man kisses a person he has been
00:53:13kissing in his head every night for a long time when he pulled back both his hands were on my
00:53:18face
00:53:18his breath was not steady his eyes had gone very dark sloan damien i would like to say something
00:53:27say it i have loved you for a very long time i have loved you across continents and three
00:53:33engagements i refused and seven years of a man who was not me i have loved you while you cried
00:53:37about other
00:53:37men in my passenger seat i have loved you while you wrote thank you notes addressed to him on
00:53:41stationery i paid for i have loved you while you called me at midnight to ask which dress you should
00:53:45wear to his department dinner i have loved you in every shape a man can love a woman and still
00:53:49hide it
00:53:51i am not going to hide any of it from this minute forward damien
00:53:58i love you his hands tightened on my face say it again i love you again i love you damien
00:54:07he pressed
00:54:08his forehead to mine for a long moment he did not move he simply breathed then he picked me up
00:54:13off the
00:54:13bench carefully with respect to the wound and walked me out of the library past the wall of narcissus into
00:54:19the foyer he did not put me down at the elevator he carried me into the bedroom he set me
00:54:24slowly on
00:54:26the edge of the bed he knelt on the floor in front of me he took both my hands i
00:54:30am not going to do
00:54:31anything tonight that i will not still be doing the night i die he looked up at me but i
00:54:34would like
00:54:35tonight to ask you one thing marry me the cranes in the library down the hall turned slowly on their
00:54:42threads in the draft from the open window yes damien yes he did not let me go to alaska alone
00:54:51we had agreed weeks earlier that he would not come he had said it himself in the kitchen that the
00:54:56right
00:54:57answer for my career was yes and the right answer for his heart was no and that he would not
00:55:01be the
00:55:01one who decided which side of the snow line i slept on he had meant it he had also the
00:55:07same night he
00:55:07meant it started building a contingency i found out about the contingency on the morning of april
00:55:12second he came into the breakfast room with a folder under his arm and set it down next to my
00:55:17coffee
00:55:17sloney crane industries has launched a polar research division when
00:55:28last week damien the division is headquarters out of anchorage it is funding three independent
00:55:35scientific teams across the rongel and saint alia ranges the director of the division is a 58 year
00:55:40old former nanoa scientist whose hire i personally approved at 3 a.m on a sunday the director reports
00:55:46to a vice president of strategic operations damien the vice president of strategic operations will be
00:55:51working out of a forward base camp in the ringlish range from april 15 through the close of the field
00:55:55season damien the vice president of strategic operations me i close the folder you are not coming
00:56:01with me to the field as my boyfriend i am not coming with you to the field as your boyfriend
00:56:05you are coming with me to the field as the vice president of a polar research resension you
00:56:10invented in the last three weeks with cover that will hold up to any audit damien i will sleep in
00:56:17a separate module i will not interfere with your team i will not be on your radio frequency
00:56:21i will however be 300 yards away every night you are in the field you did not have to do
00:56:26this
00:56:26i had to do this why he sat down across from me he took my left hand he looked at
00:56:33the signet ring he
00:56:34had slid onto it the night of the surgery and never asked back because the last time you went to
00:56:39that
00:56:39mountain without me you came home with a hole in your chest i am not living through that twice i
00:56:44can
00:56:44take care of myself i know you can i am asking please for the rest of my life to never
00:56:51have to find out
00:56:52again i looked at him for a long moment i had spent seven years asking a man to follow me
00:56:56to airports
00:56:57i now had a man who would follow me to ice all right he brought my hand to his mouth
00:57:03thank you we landed in anchorage on april 15th he had flown commercial three days ahead of me to
00:57:10maintain the cover he met me at the airport in a crane industries parka with a name tag that said
00:57:15d
00:57:15crane vp strategic ops and the face so neutral that even i almost believed it he shook my hand at
00:57:21the
00:57:21gate he did not kiss me he carried my carry on to the suv in the suv with the doors
00:57:26closed and the
00:57:27windows tinted he took my face in both hands and kissed me as if he had not seen me in
00:57:31a
00:57:31year three days was too long i am revising the cover i will be sleeping in your module that
00:57:40defeats the cover i do not care damien three days sloan he kissed me again the cover for the record
00:57:49held the cold weather medic worked it out the first night finn worked it out the second briggs
00:57:54who had transported me out of the equipment crate at wrangle in february worked it out before we even
00:58:00landed nobody said anything nobody had to damien did not hide that he watched me work damien did
00:58:06not hide that he ate every meal next to me damien did not hide that when i came back from
00:58:10the day's
00:58:10transects with snow in my hair he met me at the door of the heated module with a towel he
00:58:14had warmed by
00:58:15the stove the team by week two simply absorbed him finn said it best late one night in the operations
00:58:21module after damien had stepped out to take a call sloan i have seen a lot of men love a
00:58:28lot of
00:58:28women i have never seen one love a woman like that like what like you are the only currency
00:58:34he has ever wanted i did not have an answer for that finn went back to his clipboard damien came
00:58:39back in he sat down next to me he set a fresh cup of tea at my elbow without asking
00:58:44he glanced at the
00:58:45medical chart on my clipboard frowned slightly at one number on it and said pulse is up i just walked
00:58:51in from the field that is not field walk pulse damien i would like the medic to look at you
00:58:56tonight
00:58:56the medic looked at me that night the pulse was as it turned out fine damien did not apologize for
00:59:02asking in the third week i learned about the foundations i learned about them by accident the
00:59:08way i had learned about the wall of narcissus and the box of cranes and the bound coffees of every
00:59:13paper i had ever published he did not volunteer the information i found it by following a thread the
00:59:19thread was a small thank you note from a graduate student in cape town that arrived at base camp by
00:59:24satellite mail the student had received a stipend from the polar atlas foundation to attend a
00:59:28conference where i had given a keynote four years earlier the note was effusive it thanked me for the
00:59:33body of work and the foundation for the stipend i had never heard of the polar atlas foundation i looked
00:59:39it up polar atlas foundation had given approximately eight hundred thousand dollars over the past nine
00:59:44years in small individual stipends to graduate students in glaciology climate science and polar
00:59:50geophysics the recipient list was a precise map of every young researcher whose work had any
00:59:55tangential connection to mine the foundation's board was three people none of them i had heard of
01:00:00i traced the llc behind the foundation through three jurisdictions it was damien's i traced four other
01:00:06foundations through the same pattern northern light trust ice and salt initiative the one thousand nine
01:00:12hundred and sixty two foundation named i realized for the year of the lock at the lake house
01:00:18the whitfield adjacent fellowship together they had quietly dispersed about 11 million dollars to young
01:00:24scientists in fields adjacent to mine i confronted him about it that night in our module he did not deny
01:00:29it damien i funded your students i do not have students you will i funded the field you were going
01:00:39to lead
01:00:45damien he took my hand i have been preparing the ground sloan for a long time i built the foundation
01:00:50network the same way i built the apartment in the wall not for you to notice for you to land
01:00:55in when
01:00:56you were ready when you announce your own laboratory next year and you will every promising postdoc in the
01:01:00discipline will already have a personal reason to apply to you i did not stack the dare because i did
01:01:04not
01:01:04trust you to win without it i stacked it because i would rather you not have to fight for what
01:01:08should have been
01:01:08handed to you seven years ago damien yes there is no part of my life you have not been holding
01:01:14up from underneath there is no part of you sloan i am not willing to hold up from underneath in
01:01:19the
01:01:19fourth week he showed me reagan's file he had not brought it up since we landed he brought it up
01:01:24only
01:01:25because that morning an emergency message had come through the satellite system a tabloid in new york
01:01:30had published a photograph of me being carried by damien off the medevac in february the photograph
01:01:36had been bought from a freelancer who had snuck onto the helipad the caption beneath the photo was
01:01:41a quote attributed anonymously to a close friend of reagan snow suggesting that i had been romantically
01:01:47pursuing damien crane during my seven-year relationship with preston damien read it to
01:01:51me at breakfast he did not raise his voice he set down the satellite tablet he picked up his coffee
01:01:57he took a slow sip
01:02:01sclone damien i am withdrawing my offer to leave her alone damien she violated the no contact clause
01:02:08when she planted the quote that is now her problem not mine the deferred prosecution agreement is forfeit
01:02:13she will be charged with the underlying fraud on monday the federal investigation into her
01:02:17undergraduate funding will be opened on tuesday i would like to do one additional thing he looked at
01:02:22me i would like to release the recording the full one the recording reagan's midnight phone call from
01:02:27the wrangle command tent had been used in the ethics hearing and in preston's case but the full audio
01:02:32had never been made public the two-minute clip the press had covered had only contained the part about
01:02:37the journal the remaining 90 seconds contain the part where she had called me stupid for thinking money
01:02:42could buy a man the part where she had described in detail the strategy of waiting for me to humiliate
01:02:48myself into walking away the part where she had laughed release it he did not blink all of it
01:02:55all of it to the same outlet that ran the tabloid quote to the same outlet he took out his
01:03:00satellite
01:03:01phone he made one call the call lasted four minutes by dinner the recording was up by midnight it had
01:03:08been
01:03:08picked up by every major outlet that had covered the original audit by the next morning the tabloid that
01:03:13had run the quote had retracted it by the end of the week the publishing house that had originally
01:03:17pulled reagan's book deal had publicly announced that it had also voided her advance contract for
01:03:22any future work reagan's snow did not surface in public again damien did not say anything about it
01:03:28he did not have to he had told me weeks ago that there had never been a moment in our
01:03:33entire acquaintance
01:03:34when i was unprotected i was beginning finally to understand exactly what that had meant i drilled
01:03:40whitfield one the same day the recording went live we had not planned the timing the team had simply
01:03:45gotten to the site in the rotation and the weather had cooperated and briggs had said that morning
01:03:50today is your day damien insisted on coming he had not pressed to be on any other field site with
01:03:55me
01:03:56he had stayed within his cover he had let me work without his shadow on my shoulder on the morning
01:04:00of
01:04:01whitfield one he did not ask permission he came he carried the equipment up the ridge himself even though
01:04:07briggs had two team members ready to do it he stood 10 feet away while i drilled he did not
01:04:12speak
01:04:12i drilled i love the call i labeled it i stood up i turned to look at him he was
01:04:17watching me the way
01:04:18he had watched me come off the medevac at teeterborough a year before not breathing not blinking counting
01:04:23with his thumb pressed unconsciously to the inside of his own wrist where he had once pressed it to mine
01:04:29damien
01:04:31hmm i am all right i know
01:04:36this is the spot i know this is where i called you this is where you called me he took
01:04:43a step closer
01:04:44he looked down at the snow he looked at the small rise where the equipment crate had been he looked
01:04:48at the lee of the outcrop where the walls had moved through then he knelt he did not cry he
01:04:52pressed
01:04:52his palm flat to the snow the way a person might press a palm to a grave he stayed there
01:04:57for a long
01:04:57moment when he stood his glove was wet through he took my hand i would like to ask you something
01:05:02ask i would like to ask you to come back to this spot every year with me on the anniversary
01:05:07for the
01:05:07rest of our lives not because it was the worst day because it was the day you called me that
01:05:12is the day
01:05:13i want to keep i closed my hand around his every year every year all right briggs 20 feet away
01:05:20very
01:05:21politely turned his back to give us privacy we stayed at whitfield one for 10 more minutes when we
01:05:26walked back down the ridge damien did not let go of my hand briggs did not say anything about that
01:05:31either we came home on may 28th he had said the night before we landed that he wanted to be
01:05:37the
01:05:37one who drove me back from the airport he had said it the way he said most things now calmly
01:05:41with the
01:05:42assumption that i would not object i did not object he drove me back from teterboro at 6am on a
01:05:48tuesday
01:05:49in late spring the apartment when we walked into the foyer had changed the wall of course the one he
01:05:54had
01:05:54commissioned for me in march was the same the wall of narcissus opposite was the same the piano was
01:06:00the same the library three rooms down was the same the bedroom had changed he had moved his things in
01:06:06his shoes by the door his charcoal pullover folded over the back of the reading chair his book on the
01:06:11bedside table on what had become in the last two months his side sloan damien i am not asking permission
01:06:19i am not asking you to he smiled it was the first full unmanaged smile i had ever seen on
01:06:25his face
01:06:25he set my carry-on down by the door he picked me up i have had a small panic every
01:06:30day for six weeks
01:06:31that you would change your mind on the plane i did not change my mind i know that now damien
01:06:36put me
01:06:37down no i can walk i know he carried me through the foyer past the wall of course into the
01:06:44bedroom he
01:06:45set me very carefully on the edge of the bed he knelt in front of me he took both my
01:06:50hands he looked
01:06:51up at me for a long moment i would like to ask you the question i told you i was
01:06:54going to ask you in
01:06:55the winter damien it is may i cannot wait until the winter it's may sloan he reached into his pocket
01:07:03he took out a small velvet box he did not place it on the piano this time he opened it
01:07:08inside on a
01:07:10small bed of pale cream silk was a ring it was not the kind of ring i would have expected
01:07:14not from him
01:07:15not from a man who could have walked into any jeweler in manhattan and chosen any stone in the
01:07:20city it was a small deliberate band of brushed gold set into it almost flush was a single pale
01:07:26yellow sapphire the color of winter narcissus i knew the stone i knew the stone because it had been in
01:07:32my
01:07:32mother's locket the locket she had worn the day she died the locket my father had been keeping in a
01:07:37velvet bag in a drawer in his desk for 18 years damien i asked your father six months ago
01:07:45damien he gave it to me with both hands damien sloney whitfield damien i will say it twice if i
01:07:53have to say it i have loved you for a very long time i built a life with one room
01:08:01in it the room had
01:08:01no furniture and no light and one chair facing the door i sat in the chair year after year i
01:08:07sat in
01:08:08it through three engagements i refused i sat in it through your seven years with another man i sat in
01:08:13it through the night your mother died and the night you graduated and the night i painted the wall
01:08:18i sat in it on the afternoon you called me from a mountain in alaska i have not been in
01:08:22that room since
01:08:23the day i picked you up off the floor of that tent the room is gone now sloan the whole
01:08:28house is yours
01:08:29marry me i had thought for months that when this moment came i would say something simple i had
01:08:36thought i would say yes i had thought i would say yes because the word was small and complete
01:08:40and did not need any of the surrounding architecture instead i sat on the edge of his bed in his
01:08:45apartment in front of the wall of cause he had commissioned for me holding my mother's yellow
01:08:49sapphire on its brushed gold band and i started to cry i had not cried since the helicopter i cried
01:08:55now
01:08:56he did not move he did not say a word he let me cry after a long time i said
01:09:01it
01:09:03yes he closed his eyes once he opened them say it again yes
01:09:10again yes damien yes he slid the ring onto my fourth finger above the signet he had given me in
01:09:17the
01:09:17hospital the brushed gold was warm the yellow sapphire caught the morning light coming in off the east
01:09:22river he stayed kneeling he pressed his forehead to my knees i bent forward i rested my forehead
01:09:28against the crown of his head we stayed like that in the bedroom in his apartment for a long time
01:09:33after a while he stood up he picked me up off the edge of the bed he did not this
01:09:38time set me down
01:09:39anywhere he carried me to the south windows he stood there holding me looking out at the city
01:09:44mrs crane damien i am rehearsing rehearse it once more mrs crane yes damien he smiled into my hair
01:09:56he did not put me down for the rest of the morning we were married in november he gave me
01:10:01in the months
01:10:02between the kind of wedding that a man who has been planning a wedding in his head for a long
01:10:06time
01:10:06gives a woman who has been allowing herself to imagine one for 10 weeks which is to say a small
01:10:11wedding i had thought he would want a large one he could have filled every cathedral in manhattan
01:10:16he did not he picked the lake house he picked a saturday in late november when the first snow was
01:10:21due he picked the porch he invited my father three of his cousins garcia briggs finn my two graduate
01:10:28cohort co-investigators the cold weather medic the surgeon who had patched my lung and the national
01:10:34science foundation chair that was the entire guest list his mother was not invited she wrote him a
01:10:39letter the week before the wedding he returned it unopened he did not tell me he had returned it
01:10:44garcia mentioned it in passing on the morning of the wedding the way she mentioned most logistical
01:10:49details i asked him about it that afternoon in the bedroom while i was getting dressed he buttoned his
01:10:55cuff he did not look up damien she asked two months ago if she could attend and i told her
01:11:03she would be
01:11:04welcome the day she apologized to you she did not she did not damien sloan she is your mother she
01:11:15had
01:11:1530 years to be my mother she used that time to try to take you from me i am not
01:11:19paying her interest on
01:11:20a debt she did not service he buttoned the second cuff when she is ready to apologize to you she
01:11:24may
01:11:24come to dinner until then she may live with what she chose i crossed the room i straightened his tie
01:11:30slowly with both hands damien i love you he caught my hands at his collar he kissed both wrists one
01:11:39after the other mrs crane not yet in 43 minutes 43 i have been counting since 6 a.m he
01:11:45kissed me on
01:11:46the forehead he turned me toward the door your father is waiting downstairs all right sklonen
01:11:52walk slowly why because the next time you walk through a door toward me you are mine i would like
01:11:56to remember every second of it he cried at the ceremony i had not expected him to i had not
01:12:01thought it possible he had been for the entirety of the time i had known him a man who had
01:12:06not
01:12:06visibly cried at a funeral a wedding a court ruling or a press conference he had stood at his father's
01:12:12gravesite and not shed a tear he cried on the porch of the lake house on a saturday in november
01:12:17when
01:12:17he saw me come around the corner of the house in my mother's dress my father saw it first he
01:12:22squeezed
01:12:22my elbow look at him i looked damien was standing at the end of the porch in front of the
01:12:28open front
01:12:29door the brass lock the lock that had held since the house was built was just behind him his hands
01:12:34were clasped in front of him his eyes were closed tears were moving slowly down his cheeks he did not
01:12:40wipe them he opened his eyes when i was three steps away he smiled it was the smile of a
01:12:45man who had
01:12:46been waiting a long time to use it my father set my hand into his damien sir she is yours
01:12:54sir she always
01:12:56was dad smiled he took his seat in the front row the officiant a friend of the family who had
01:13:02married
01:13:02my parents in the same spot long ago said a few words he spoke about commitment he spoke about the
01:13:07longevity of love that has been quietly held he spoke briefly about my mother who had taught him to
01:13:13make soda bread when he was a young man then he said damien your vows damien took both my hands
01:13:19sloan whitfield damien crane i have loved you for a very long time i kept a small notebook the notebook
01:13:25had in it everything i learned about you that nobody else knew the way you held your fork the way
01:13:29you
01:13:29closed the door so it did not click the way you ate the corners of a sandwich first the way
01:13:34you bit
01:13:34your thumb before you took an exam i do not need the notebook anymore the porch was very quiet he
01:13:39went on
01:13:39i am keeping it for our daughter i vow to love you with the precision and the patience of a
01:13:44man
01:13:44who has practiced i vow to defend you the way i have always defended you which is publicly immediately
01:13:49and without negotiation i vow to bring you tea every morning and to play the piano for you every
01:13:53night i vow to come home for dinner every night for the rest of my life i vow to never
01:13:58under any
01:13:58circumstances let you walk out of a room without telling you first that i love you that is what i
01:14:03have
01:14:03for you sloan the rest is yours to ask i said my vows i do not remember them i remember
01:14:08only that
01:14:08when the officiant said you may kiss the bride damien did not move quickly he moved very slowly
01:14:13he cupped my face the way he had cupped it the day he came up off the floor of the
01:14:17tent in rainbow
01:14:18he kissed me the first snow began on cue behind him we did not have a reception we had dinner
01:14:2512 of us
01:14:26around a long wooden table in the dining room of the lake house with two of my cousins and my
01:14:31father and
01:14:31garcia and briggs and finn and the medic and the surgeon and the national science foundation chair
01:14:35who had brought his wife the food was simple the wine was old the conversation moved the way
01:14:41conversations at lake houses move in slow loops that did not need anywhere to go after dinner damien
01:14:47played the piano he played the eight notes my mother used to hum he played the second eight notes he
01:14:52had
01:14:52written for me alone in his apartment while i had been in alaska drilling whitfield one he played a third
01:14:57set of eight notes i had never heard he stopped after the third set he turned to me that one
01:15:02i
01:15:02wrote this morning when this morning 4am damien i will write you a new eight notes every morning of
01:15:10our marriage damien i have already started counting around midnight the guests went to bed in the guest
01:15:18rooms upstairs damien took my hand he led me out the front door onto the porch and down the gravel
01:15:23drive
01:15:23to the boat house at the edge of the lake the boat house was lit with a single lamp he
01:15:28had had it
01:15:28cleaned he had had a single chair placed inside it by the window facing the water he had hung and
01:15:34i
01:15:34almost laughed when i saw it every single one of the thousand cranes from the apartment library
01:15:38they hung from the ceiling of the boat house in soft drifts of pale yellow and the lamp lit them
01:15:43from below he stood with me in the doorway sloan damien this is the last thing the last thing every
01:15:50other thing i have done over all this time i have done quietly i have folded a rain i have
01:15:54painted a
01:15:54wall i have learned a piece of music i've bought a building i've built a foundation network i've
01:15:58refused a marriage i did all of it quietly because you were not yet mine this is the last thing
01:16:02i do
01:16:03quietly he turned me to face him from tomorrow i do everything loudly i bring you flowers in front of
01:16:07every restaurant i hold your hand at every board meeting i introduce you at every event in the city as
01:16:11my wife for the rest of my life tell me you understand i understand sloan welcome home he
01:16:20cupped my face in both hands he kissed me slowly the way he had kissed me on the porch and
01:16:25behind him
01:16:26the thousand cranes turned slowly in the draft i had spent seven years thinking my life was a story
01:16:31about being seen by the wrong man it had been all along a story about being held up from underneath
01:16:37by
01:16:37the right one the right one was holding me now in a boat house at the edge of a lake
01:16:41at
01:16:41midnight in november in front of one thousand paper wishes he had folded for me before he was 30 years
01:16:46old the wish i had folded into the last crane months ago had been that i had not taken so
01:16:52long to see
01:16:52him the wish i made now standing in the doorway was that i would have a lifetime more the end
01:16:58the wish i had a lifetime more the way i would have been to be able to see him as
01:16:58soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as
01:16:58soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as
01:16:58soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as
01:16:58soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as
01:16:58soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as
01:16:58soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as
01:16:58soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as
01:16:58soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as
01:16:58soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as
01:16:58soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as soon as
01:16:58soon
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