- 7 minutes ago
Thirty Seconds Underwater HD
Category
๐ฅ
Short filmTranscript
00:00Today was supposed to be our deep dive mission with my boyfriend, Ethan.
00:05But at the last minute, he galled from Chloe and rushed off.
00:13He didn't notice I'd been caught in the undercurrent.
00:19In those 30 seconds, pinned against the reef with my breathing tube tangled in the rocks,
00:25the only running through my mind was,
00:29I wish he were here.
00:34The first thing I did after climbing ashore was reach up and touch my left ear.
00:39It was still bleeding.
00:41My eardrum had ruptured.
00:44Instinctively, I reached for my phone to text Ethan.
00:50A social media postist popped up on the screen.
00:53In the photo, Chloe Winters was in a swimsuit.
00:59Ethan the was but not alone behind hind her, his hands steady on her waist.
01:04The caption read,
01:06Thirteenth lesson.
01:08The little guy has mastered his second swimming stroke.
01:12It turned out that when I was on the verge of death,
01:18he was teaching another woman how to swimming.
01:21Droplets of water slid from the ends of my hair onto the screen,
01:25blurring the image.
01:29My phone rang.
01:31It was Ethan calling.
01:34Chloe swallowed some water during practice.
01:37You're such a good diver.
01:39You could have made the dive without me.
01:41But Chloe is so fragile.
01:43I had to teach her to swim first.
01:46You must understand, right?
01:50The ringing in my left ear kept going, steady and relentless.
01:56No need.
01:58I can't dive anymore.
01:59And I don't need a dive partner now, either.
02:06After getting my ear treated at the hospital,
02:09I made it back to the apartment.
02:11It was already 7.30 in the evening.
02:16Ethan had gotten home before me,
02:19fresh out of the shower,
02:20his hair still half damp.
02:26You're back.
02:28He didn't bother lifting his head,
02:31his fingers still tapping away at his phone.
02:36I'd sent him messages, too.
02:39A hundred and thirty-seven of them.
02:41All unread.
02:45The water temperature at the pool was way too low today.
02:49Chloe was in the water for two hours.
02:58Her legs were shaking by the time she got out.
03:01At a depth of a hundred and thirty feet,
03:04when the turbulence kicked up silt and sand,
03:07the water temperature was barely above freezing.
03:14My legs were shaking, too.
03:17So I grabbed that bottle of body lotion from your cabinet
03:19and gave it to Chloe.
03:24Her skin was so dry, it was driving her crazy.
03:27It's not like you were using it anyway.
03:31That was a limited edition I'd had a friend overseas
03:34stand in line for two weeks to get.
03:38My voice came out hoarse.
03:41I see.
03:44Have some water.
03:46Good for your throat.
03:48Ice cold Chloe's cup.
03:50Pink cherry blossoms printed on the ceramic.
03:53A fuzzy little rabbit charm dangling from the handle.
03:58Don't overthink it.
03:59I broke your mug, so just make do with this one for now.
04:06Not thirsty?
04:06I didn't take it.
04:08My hands stayed buried in my pockets.
04:10My fingertips were numb with cold.
04:13On the shoe rack by the door,
04:14a pair of tiny white canvas sneakers had appeared.
04:17A pink cashmere cardigan was draped over the arm of the couch.
04:22This apartment, our home,
04:24was slowly being filled by someone else.
04:31Ethan's gaze finally drifted over to me.
04:36What happened to your ear?
04:38The blood-spotted gauze covering my left ear got hurt.
04:43How'd you manage to be so careless?
04:45Ear injuries are the number one thing divers are supposed to avoid.
04:52Well, be more careful next time.
04:55But with your skills, I'm sure you handled it fine.
05:02Not like Chloe, that little disaster.
05:06You've never needed anyone to worry about you.
05:09It won't clear up.
05:21After my shower,
05:23I went back to my room and opened my laptop.
05:26I clicked into the transfer application portal.
05:31I uploaded the medical certificate confirming the eardrum rupture
05:35and my permanent disqualification from diving.
05:39Then I submitted my request for reassignment,
05:42coastal data recording,
05:44New Zealand.
05:47The next morning,
05:49I was jolted awake by a searing pain in my left ear.
05:54The complications from the perforation were starting to set in.
05:58The pain radiated through half my skull.
06:04I dry-swallowed to painkillers before it eased enough to function.
06:12Today I had to go to the East District Diving Base.
06:18The physical copy of my transfer request needed to be signed in person.
06:27I pushed open the bedroom door.
06:29Ethan was already at the dining table.
06:33Come have breakfast.
06:35Chloe went out of her way yesterday,
06:37stood in line at that trendy bakery.
06:42The sandwiches were packed thick with bacon and melted cheddar.
06:48I'm allergic to cheese.
06:50One bite and I break out in hives.
06:53He never remembered things like that.
06:59I didn't touch the food on the table and asked him.
07:07I need to go to the base medical office today.
07:10The doctor wants a follow-up.
07:11I can't drive with my ear like this.
07:15Can you give me a ride?
07:20He looked at my pale face and nodded.
07:27Fine.
07:28I'm heading that way anyway.
07:30Your stuff comes first.
07:31Dive Partners.
07:32That's what we're for, right?
07:34At nine, we headed out.
07:37His Maybach.
07:38The passenger seat was pushed all the way forward.
07:43A pink cartoon headrest was strapped to the backrest.
07:49Chloe was short.
07:51She liked the seat pulled up close to the dash.
07:56I didn't touch the adjustment button.
07:58Ethan, I opened the rear door and climbed into the back seat.
08:10Ethan, where are you?
08:12Ethan, where are you?
08:12My leg hurt so bad.
08:13Where I had that cramp last night, it's all swollen now.
08:17Ethan's face changed in an instant.
08:20Ethan, who asked me.
08:21Don't cry.
08:22Don't move around.
08:25He wrenched the steering wheel.
08:27The tires screeched against the wet pavement.
08:31I'm coming right now.
08:33Ethan, I'm coming right now.
08:34A sharp pain inevitably shot through my ears.
08:41before i could even speak he hung up and glanced at me through the rearview mirror
08:51lana by chloe's leg cramp got worse i need to go check on her first
08:59your prescription isn't exactly an emergency anyway i'll drop you off at the next intersection
09:04just grab a cab from there my voice was filled with agony
09:14we're on the overpass you can't get a cab here and my ear really hurts
09:23he said impatiently
09:28lana can you please not pick right now to be dramatic
09:33you swam back from a hundred feet underwater all by yourself
09:38what's a little walking chloe's timid she's hurt
09:44the car screeched to a stop at a desolate intersection
09:50get out i'll call you once i'm done with chloe
09:54i got out of the car raindrops hit the open wound on my ear
09:58the pain drove into my skull like needles
10:03i walked the rest of the way along the highway in the rain
10:06all the way to the base
10:12supervisor grant took one look at my bedraggled state and his brow furrowed deep
10:22ethan didn't drive you
10:25no
10:26he had something else
10:29where's the transfer form
10:32supervisor grant sighed and pulled a document out of his desk drawer
10:42i've already signed it headquarters approved it too
10:48i booked the flight for next monday three more days
10:53he looked at me hesitating
10:58lana does ethan know you're leaving
11:01i picked up the pen from his desk on the final confirmation line i pressed down hard and signed my
11:08name
11:10no
11:10he doesn't need to know
11:15when i pushed open the apartment door
11:17the living room tv was blaring some variety show
11:24ethan was half kneeling beside the couch
11:26holding an ice pack against chloe's shin
11:32you're back
11:34chloe's leg is really swollen
11:38i don't feel right leaving her alone so she's staying with us for a few days
11:42i stood in the enterway watching him keep his head down
11:46fussing over a patch of redness no bigger than a coin
11:55lana why is there a piece of wet tissue stuck to your ear
11:59before i could pull away chloe's fingernail had already hooked into the medical gauze
12:05soaked through from the rain
12:10i saw the smirk in her eyes and the next second she yanked hard the freshly clotted scab tore open
12:18along with it i let out a cry of pain
12:25chloe shrieked and recoiled her eyes instantly went red tears welled up
12:34i'm so sorry i thought it was just a scrape of tissue
12:39ethan immediately moved to soothe her
12:41it's okay it's okay
12:45it's okay
12:45don't be scared
12:48you didn't do it on purpose
12:51he grabbed a paper napkins and shoved them into my hand
13:03he didn't even stand up his other hand was still holding the ice pack against chloe's leg
13:10i took those to dry useless paper napkins and pressed them against the bleeding wound
13:18when i came back from the bathroom chloe was eyeing the plastic bag i'd set on the table
13:28lana were you at the deep sea diving base just now
13:35yeah
13:37ethan says the water temperature in the deep sea
13:40is freezing
13:42and it's so dark and cold down there
13:46that's why he only ever took me to the shallow end
13:4913 times in a row
13:52she tilted her face up toward ethan
13:55then doesn't lana get scared
13:57all alone down there in the deep sea
14:00she's got great technique
14:02and nerves of steel
14:03she made it back safe
14:05of 100 feet underwater
14:07without a scratch
14:10you think everyone's like you
14:12choking on water in the shallow end
14:15lana's a professional surveyor
14:17she doesn't need anyone holding her hand
14:20first rule of diving
14:22never leave your dive partner
14:24130 feet beneath the surface
14:28the 30 seconds my breathing tube was caught on the reef
14:35and my dive partner was in a temperature controlled shallow pool
14:39teaching another girl her second swimming stroke
14:47ethan that little silver whistle around your neck is so cute
14:52chloe suddenly pointed at ethan's chest
14:55that was my rescue whistle
14:57ben for my first deep water dive tomorrow
15:01can i borrow it
15:07she tugged at the hem of ethan's shirt
15:12i'm scared
15:14if i can't find you down there
15:17i'll just blow this whistle
15:18okay
15:20lana
15:21this whistle
15:22chloe wants to borrow it for tomorrow
15:25that's fine right
15:26ethan turned toward me
15:29that was the day we officially became dive partners
15:32i was the one who hung it around his neck
15:35with my own hands
15:40i'm putting my life in your hands
15:44when you hear swissle i will come for you
15:50those were his exact words to me that day
15:58it's just a whistle
15:59it's not like you don't have a spare
16:01chloe's going into deep water for the first time tomorrow
16:04she needs
16:05needs a little security
16:07don't be so stingy
16:09chloe's small voice drifted from the couch
16:12lana doesn't want to it's okay
16:19of course she doesn't mind
16:20right
16:25ethan unhooked the metal clasp from around his neck
16:28he bent down and slipped the rescue whistle over chloe's head
16:37there
16:38if you get scared tomorrow
16:40just blow
16:41i promise i'll be right there the moment i hear it
16:46i stood there
16:48rooted to the spot
16:49the ringing in my left ear
16:51grew louder and louder
16:56take it
17:00things that are given away
17:01don't need to be returned
17:04less than 24 hours
17:05until my flight to new zealand
17:10the transfer order was already signed
17:13minimum three-year assignment
17:15maybe i'd never come back
17:20in the morning
17:21i stood at the stove
17:23stirring a pot of seafood chowder
17:26his favorite
17:29the master bedroom door opened
17:31ethan emerged
17:33twirling his car keys
17:38the chowder just finished
17:39have a bowl before you go
17:43no time
17:43chloe's waiting for me
17:44it's her first time in the deep center day
17:46she was so nervous
17:48she barely slept
17:54my voice was tinged with sorrow
17:58ethan
18:00do you remember how many times you've abandoned me
18:04his tone was so casual that he didn't pick up on my sadness at all
18:11work stuff doesn't count as abandoning
18:13i looked at him and said very seriously
18:1713 times
18:19you abandoned me 13 times
18:21why are you counting like that
18:23you made it back safe every time didn't you
18:30and what if i almost didn't
18:34don't say things like that
18:36you're standing right here perfectly fine
18:38aren't you
18:43the ringing in my left ear kept going
18:45steady and unbroken
18:51do you have to go
18:54i asked him one last time
18:58he was already at the door
19:03if i'm one minute late she'll be up on the shore crying her eyes out all day
19:06the door opened
19:08then it slammed shut
19:10i turned slowly and walked back to the dining table
19:17i poured the bowl of seafood chowder down the kitchen sink
19:27back in the bedroom
19:28i packed there wasn't much that belonged to me
19:31a few wetsuits
19:32some everyday clothes
19:37a single 20-inch suitcase was enough to hold it all
19:44before i left
19:46i looked back at this apartment one last time
19:52his shirt from last night was draped over the back of the couch
20:00the ice pack he'd used on chloe's foot was still on the bathroom counter
20:06her cup sat on the coffee table
20:08right next to his
20:10mine was broken
20:12i never bought a new one
20:14i sent ethan one final message
20:17we're done
20:20ethan had just climbed out of the water after chloe's deep end session
20:27when he picked up his phone
20:28my message was waiting on the screen
20:32we're done
20:39his grip on the phone tightened
20:44april fools was weeks ago
20:45stop joking around
20:48but he knew
20:4910 years of knowing each other
20:517 years as dive partners
20:53i had never
20:54not once
20:56played these kinds of games
20:59ethan
21:00i almost sank again back there
21:03good thing you pulled me up me up so fast
21:08let's go get sushi for lunch
21:10ethan pulled the door open and walked out
21:15chloe had already changed
21:17she was fiddling with the rescue whistle he'd given her
21:21sushi?
21:22yeah
21:23that new place
21:24they have my favorite spicy tuna roll
21:31he nodded on autopilot
21:33only then did it register
21:35the one who loved sushi was chloe
21:37the restaurant was quiet
21:41chloe sat across from him
21:43chattering non-stop about her experience in the water
21:46he didn't touch his food
21:50the chat window still held only that one lonely breakup message
21:58no follow-ups
22:01no
22:02where are you
22:03no
22:04come home soon
22:08he typed
22:09got sushi with chloe
22:11won't be doing dinner with you tonight
22:13let me know what you want
22:17half an hour
22:19still no reply
22:20ethan
22:21let's go watch the fireworks by the river after this
22:25okay
22:25no
22:26i'm going home
22:31the apartment door swung open
22:33no lights had been left on
22:35the row of black wetsuits
22:37empty
22:40the photo of their first dive
22:42flipped face down
22:44he pulled out his phone and dialed the number he knew by heart
22:48no answer
22:49there was still one place he could look
22:52the east district deep diving base
22:56ethan didn't bother knocking
22:58he shoved the door open
23:01grant
23:03where's lana
23:04supervisor grant was in his office
23:06you didn't know she left for new zealand
23:12our deep dive mission is supposed to start next month
23:15our dears
23:17worst she lie brainer
23:18what's she doing in new zealand
23:20she applied for a coastal data recording position
23:23her flights this afternoon
23:24grant slapped a photocopy down on his desk
23:29as for next month's mission
23:31i've assigned you a new dive partner
23:34i don't need a new partner
23:36the only partner i recognize is lana
23:41supervisor grant's brow furrowed
23:43he pulled out a medical report
23:46you didn't know her eardrum was ruptured
23:52that she's permanently disqualified from diving
23:56how is she supposed to be your dive partner now
24:00ethan stood frozen
24:02his pupils contracting sharply
24:04what
24:05grant said in a cold voice
24:08that was a hundred and thirty foot strong current zone
24:15what's the first rule of deep diving
24:18your dive partner never leaves your line of sight
24:22when the turbulence swept her into the reef
24:24where were you
24:27ethan's throat was dry as sand
24:30i thought that deep dive mission was a hundred feet
24:37she's done solo dives at a hundred feet before
24:39she can handle it alone
24:44so i went to the shallow end to teach chloe how to swim
24:48supervisor grant was so furious he actually laughed
24:52you didn't even read the mission brief
24:55you left your dive partner alone in the deep sea to go play instructor for some woman who can't even
25:03swim
25:03due to gross negligence the base has decided to revoke all your deep diving certifications for this year
25:12ethan didn't even turned and walked out of the base
25:19he sat in his car he didn't even turn the headlights on
25:28lana i didn't know you were hurt that badly
25:34his hands trembling he opened my chat window
25:42lana i didn't know it was a hundred and thirty feet
25:45i didn't read the mission brief carefully
25:52i thought you could handle a hundred feet
25:55why didn't you tell me
25:58please just send me one reply anything
26:09this time he got a response
26:11he sat up straight a single message appeared
26:16if you had known it was a hundred and thirty feet would you have chosen not to go to chloe
26:24ethan stared at those words
26:26he typed
26:29i have stayed with you
26:32but after typing it he stopped
26:35one by one
26:36he deleted every letter
26:38he couldn't lie to himself
26:40deep down
26:41he had always been absolutely certain
26:43that my skills were good enough
26:45that i wouldn't die
26:46so he would always
26:48every time
26:49choose to answer chloe's tears
26:53in the end
26:54the phone slipped from his palm and fell onto the floor mat
27:02auckland new zealand
27:04coastal survey station
27:09i sat in front of the data recorder
27:11logging today's current readings into the system
27:17no more diving
27:18no more suffocation
27:19no more waiting for someone to come save me
27:25the ringing in my left ear still flared up sometimes
27:28but i'd learned to coexist with it
27:33a sharp metallic clink against the desk
27:36a silver rescue whistle sat beside my keyboard
27:40around the mouthpiece
27:42a faint ring of tiny teeth marks was still visible
27:49ollie pulled up the chair next to me
27:54lana
27:54there's a guy downstairs looking for you
27:56he's been standing out there for four hours
28:01says he's your dive partner
28:05my fingers paused over the keyboard
28:08dive partner
28:09what a distant ironic word
28:15don't know him
28:16not interested
28:18tell security to get rid of him
28:21he stood up and pointed at the rescue whistle
28:28what about this
28:31the whistle i had hung around his neck with my own hands
28:34the one that meant i was putting my life in his
28:38the one ethan had put around another woman's neck
28:43throw it in the trash
28:45the next day ollie came to my desk again
28:49this time he set down a clear plastic zip bag
28:53inside was a ceramic mug
28:56painstakingly glued back together
29:01lana
29:03he's still downstairs
29:04he made me bring this up
29:06said he fixed it
29:07i stared at the mug
29:10he'd glued it back together
29:12but a shattered cup
29:14no matter how carefully you piece it
29:16will always leak
29:19i carried the bag to the trash
29:21just throw it away
29:23day three
29:24a bottle of limited edition body lotion
29:29day four
29:30a thick diving log book
29:32chronicling every single dive
29:34from our seven years as partners
29:35day five
29:37a pair of custom diving rings
29:42a strange atmosphere settled over the office
29:47what day is this now
29:4813
29:50i heard he and lana used to be partners
29:54coming all this way after her
29:57kind of heartbreaking
29:59heartbreaking
30:01you all know what it means in coastal survey work
30:03the weight of putting your back in someone else's head
30:09he's the one who did her wrong first
30:12but he's burning up with a fever
30:14can barely stand
30:15he's still staring up at this building
30:22i tapped the final data entry into the keyboard
30:26i'm going downstairs
30:28the automatic doors slid open
30:31cold wind mixed with rain blew in
30:34ethan was leaning against the wall
30:36his body trembling slightly
30:38he'd lost a lot of weight
30:40his eyes were sunken deep
30:42the moment he saw me
30:44a light sparked in his gaze
30:49lana
30:49what do you want
30:51he hesitated for a moment and asked
30:54your ear
30:55is it any better
30:57it won't get better
30:58come back with me
31:01please
31:03i've found the best ear specialist
31:06we can get it treated
31:09there is no treatment
31:14i'm sorry
31:16if i had just checked the mission depth that day
31:19ethan
31:19a hundred feet or a hundred and thirty
31:21it doesn't matter
31:22the point isn't the depth
31:25i spoke coldly
31:28the point is
31:30that you weren't there
31:32his breath caught
31:38being your dive partner is exhausting
31:41i put my life in your hands
31:43and you used it to make someone else feel special
31:47i thought you could
31:50he was cut off by me before he could finish speaking
31:57you thought my skills were good enough
31:59you thought i was independent
32:08you thought nothing would ever happen to me
32:17so every single time
32:19there was a choice
32:20i was the one who got left behind
32:23ethan's voice spiked suddenly
32:25so desperate his breathing came undone
32:28i never meant to abandon you
32:31i already gave you 13
32:34his lips parted as though he wanted to speak
32:37just then
32:38the sharp clatter of high heels echoed across the floor
32:43ethan
32:44chloe winters came running over and seized ethan by the arm
32:48tears streaming down her face
33:09ethan's face went hard in an instant
33:18ethan's face went hard in an instant
33:21chloe
33:22chloe screamed through her tears
33:23chloe screamed through her tears
33:28she won't even talk to you anymore
33:30she got your diving surface ernications revoked
33:33why are you still chasing after her
33:38she spun around and glared at me
33:41lana brooks
33:42lana brooks do you even have a heart
33:45ethan came all the way here for you
33:48stood in the rain for hours and hours
33:53how can you treat him like this
33:55shut your mouth
33:57ethan stepped between me and chloe
33:59my business is none of yours
34:02how can you say there's nothing between us
34:06ethan i love you
34:09she lifted her chin
34:12you love me too
34:17ethan's face changed completely
34:19what the hell are you saying
34:21i don't love you
34:22i have never loved you
34:24chloe let out a bitter broken laugh
34:29you don't love me
34:32then why
34:33when my leg cramped up
34:35did you abandon her under the overpass
34:38and drove through the rain to get to me
34:41you don't love me
34:43then why did you take her rescue whistle
34:45off your own neck
34:46and put it around mine
34:48you don't love me
34:52then why did you leave her alone
34:54in the deep sea 13 times
34:56to come to the shallow end with me
35:01with every word
35:02ethan's face went one shade paler
35:05and my left ear
35:07it felt like a steel needle
35:09had been driven in deep
35:14i only helped you
35:15because you were so helpless
35:18i pitied you
35:21you gave me every bit of the devotion
35:23that belonged to your girlfriend
35:25and now you're telling me
35:27it was just pity
35:28ethan stopped trying to reason with her
35:31he turned to me frantic
35:33lana it wasn't like that
35:36she's the one who got the wrong idea
35:39you were the one
35:40who gave her room
35:41to get the wrong idea
35:45and you crossed the line yourself
35:47he had severed the oxygen line
35:49with his own hands
35:50and now he was asking me
35:52if i needed help breathing
35:56i don't care what you were thinking
35:58and i don't care where your heart is
36:00i won't interfere in your life
36:03i looked him straight in the eyes
36:05so please
36:08stop interfering in mine
36:10i turned around and walked back upstairs
36:12i didn't look back
36:16after that day
36:18chloe went back home
36:19but ethan didn't leave
36:22he rented a ground floor apartment
36:24in the building across from mine
36:29if he pushed open his window
36:31he could see the light in my kitchen
36:36he stopped standing outside the office building every day
36:41instead every morning
36:43a paper bag appeared hanging from the handle of my workstation door
36:49a cup of hot americano
36:51to slices of whole wheat toast
36:53no cheese
36:57when i got off work
36:59the sky was usually already dark
37:02the survey station is at a remote port
37:05the two mile coastal road from the station to the bus stop has no street lights
37:12walking home after dark
37:13i always heard it a faint footstep
37:16trailing 10 or 15 yards behind me
37:19when i stopped
37:20the sound stopped
37:21when i turned a corner the sound followed
37:24one night
37:25a stray dog bolted out of nowhere
37:27and knocked on the trash can
37:30the footsteps behind me scrambled out of rhythm
37:33he ran forward a few steps
37:35then stopped
37:36five yards away
37:38the dim glow of a street lamp fell across him
37:41he was wearing a thin trench coat
37:43clutching a long black umbrella
37:45i looked at him
37:47he took a step backward
37:54i won't come close
37:55his voice was shredded by the wind
38:00the road's too dark
38:02you can't see where you're stepping
38:06i turned away and kept walking
38:09december 24th
38:10christmas eve
38:11it doesn't really snow in new zealand
38:14but this year the temperature had dropped below freezing
38:18i finished up at work
38:20cleared my desk
38:21and walked out of the station
38:25i wrapped my scarf tighter and started down that pitch black coastal road
38:30the footsteps followed as they always did
38:37i reached my apartment building and pressed the buzzer
38:45the footsteps behind me stopped at the edge of the street lamps glow
38:51he stood there
38:52his shoulders soaked through from the rain
38:58ethan pierce
39:02here
39:04how long are you going to follow me
39:06his voice was hoarse
39:08i'm not trying to bother you
39:11i just i just want to make sure you get home safe
39:17it's cold out
39:20i looked at his lips
39:22tinged blue from the freezing air
39:24come inside
39:28the living room lights were off
39:30only a single floor lamp was on
39:34i walked into the kitchen
39:35turned on the stove
39:37i filled a pot with water
39:39and added some more cocoa powder
39:41he sat on the edge of the couch
39:43body rigid hands clasped together
39:46he didn't even dare lean back
39:49do you remember
39:51one christmas eve
39:54years ago
39:55his voice came from behind me
39:58that year we were in iceland
40:01we'd just surfaced from a dive
40:03freezing
40:04you said you wanted some hot cocoa
40:07i went to three different stores
40:09and finally found cocoa
40:13that night
40:15we used to be this warm and sweet too
40:17that day
40:18he really did go to three different stores
40:20but after he came back
40:22he got a call from chloe
40:25she said she'd broken her leg
40:26at a ski resort
40:27there was no one to take her to the hospital
40:31he sat in the living room for a full hour on that long distance call
40:35arranging hospitals
40:37contacting friends
40:39finding doctors
40:42i watched the hot cocoa by my hand grow cold
40:46until a layer of white froth finally floated on top
40:49utterly disgusting
40:55in the end
40:56i threw away that cup of hot cocoa
41:03he only remembered going to three shops for it
41:06but never knew i hadn't taken a single sip
41:11i turned off the heat and poured the hot cocoa into a cup
41:16he stared at the cup of hot cocoa
41:18the veins on the back of his hands stood out
41:24and then without warning
41:26tears began falling from his eyes
41:41he didn't speak
41:42he finally understood
41:44this wasn't a dinner of forgiveness
41:46this was the final send-off
41:50he picked up the cup
41:52his hands trembling violently
41:54hot cocoa spilled all over him
41:56yet he didn't even seem to notice
42:00tears fell one after another into the hot cocoa
42:03onto the back of his hand
42:08everything you make
42:10it's always been delicious
42:13he coughing from the heat
42:14tears and mucus running together
42:18he was a complete dignity stripped wreck
42:21when he was done
42:22he stood up
42:26he pulled the door open
42:28cold wind gusted into the living room
42:33i'm sorry
42:34those were his final three words
42:37he pulled the door shut
42:39heavy footsteps echoed down the hallway
42:42fading, growing distant
42:44until they disappeared completely
42:47outside the window
42:48the cold new zealand rain kept falling
42:51i picked up the empty cup and walked into the kitchen
42:55the stream of water washed over the ceramic surface
42:59erasing every trace
43:03deep inside my left ear
43:05the buzzing slowly
43:06quietly began to fade
43:08it stopped
43:09the ํธะตั
43:10the deep
43:10of water
43:10into the
43:10the
43:10the
43:10the
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