- 13 minutes ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Donna?
00:04Previously on Elle,
00:05I wish we could wake up from this nightmare bruiser.
00:08I just found a way to get you home!
00:10Cosmo's doing a semester-long internship in L.A.
00:12Tell me how to win immediately.
00:14You just need to choose from a few of these essay problems.
00:17When things get bad, how would you stage your comeback?
00:20I could write about Donna's comeback.
00:21I can help her get rehired.
00:23What's comma Elle?
00:24Hi, I'm Shannon Walker.
00:26Sorry, I forgot what it was like to receive eye contact.
00:30Hey, are you going to Carpet Mart on Saturday?
00:32Okay, what is Carpet Mart?
00:34Why are you here with the chick who got your mom fired?
00:35I'm not.
00:37Since when is Donna your mom?
00:39Since birth?
00:40I haven't asked anyone who their parents are in Seattle.
00:42Me going to our school hinges on her working there.
00:45I don't want you to get kicked out.
00:46And please, just give up.
00:51Everything just feels backwards here.
00:53Okay.
00:54What are you doing?
00:55Getting you out of your head!
00:57I don't know where to go!
00:58I don't know where to go!
00:59I don't know where to go!
01:01And who is that handsome young gentleman who seems very concerned about your well-being?
01:06He's just a friend.
01:08Why am I?
01:20No, I don't know where to go.
01:28We were married in the family like 12 years ago.
01:32It was a young man who was having a child.
01:43Can I get a medium iced?
01:46Bella?
01:47Hey.
01:48Donna?
01:50What happened to the fish market?
01:52Ah, this is my weekend gig.
01:55Why are you dressed for a sting operation?
01:57Oh, I'm trying to hide from a boy who might go here.
02:01One time I saw him drinking what I think was a coffee, but what am I supposed to do?
02:04This is the only coffee shop I don't need my mom to drive me to.
02:07You are so brave.
02:08Ow!
02:09Gosh.
02:10Okay, so this boy that you are avoiding, is he dangerous somehow?
02:15Only emotionally.
02:16He's dating a girl I've been desperate to befriend.
02:19I didn't realize it until too late.
02:21Oh, honey.
02:22Uh, Donna, you made another decapitated swan.
02:26I'm terrible at this.
02:27I'll be right back.
02:31Elle?
02:33Shannon?
02:33Shannon, you're here.
02:35Oh.
02:36Ah!
02:38You're both here.
02:40Together.
02:41Because you're a couple.
02:43Looking super strong and committed this morning, I might add.
02:47Go us.
02:49Oh, actually, you can settle an argument for us.
02:52We're splitting a bagel.
02:53Which one's better?
02:55Blueberry.
02:56Or everything.
02:57You want me to choose?
02:59Between the two of you.
03:02Hmm.
03:02Hmm.
03:06Sorry, Miles.
03:07Gotta go blueberry.
03:08Girl code.
03:09Oh, I see.
03:09So you two are teaming up against me.
03:11Always.
03:13What can I get you?
03:14One blueberry bagel with blueberry cream cheese.
03:18Goody.
03:19A threesome.
03:20A carbon San Diego.
03:22Uh, can I get a croissant?
03:23Oh, that actually sounds good.
03:25Can you make that two croissants?
03:26Got a blueberry bagel here?
03:27Uh, you guys can have it.
03:30Let's grab a table.
03:34And just think, we could have had everything together.
03:37That's...
03:38I don't know about everything.
03:42Oh, you meant the, the bagel.
03:46Ignore me.
03:47I think I might have a hairline concussion from that mosh pit.
03:51Oh.
03:53I, I think you gotta...
03:56Here, I...
03:57No!
03:58Don't.
04:03I mean, I want it there.
04:04It's mine.
04:05Okay.
04:06Well, sit yourself.
04:08I have my own.
04:16I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
04:18We were practically rounding second base in front of his girlfriend.
04:21Pause.
04:22Can we please discuss how epic it is you have a genuine Seattle prospect?
04:25He's not a prospect, Madison.
04:27That's the point.
04:27I can't like him.
04:29Miles is with Shannon.
04:30And Shannon's basically the coolest senior at Rainier West.
04:33They're the Brad and Gwyneth of this dumb school.
04:35If they're so perfect, then why was Miles totally flirting with you?
04:39Whatever.
04:39I refuse to make another fatal mistake and turn my school against me again.
04:43Just go for it.
04:44Who cares?
04:44This will all be a distant memory when you win the Cosmo contest anyway.
04:48Yeah, you're right.
04:49I just need to move back to LA and get myself out of this mess.
04:52So we agree.
04:53Great.
04:53I gotta do it.
04:54Uh, later.
04:55Bye.
04:57Okay, Breezer.
04:58No more boy talk.
05:00We need to focus so we can get ourselves out of this mess.
05:04Essay number two.
05:06Cosmo girls are like cake.
05:08Sweet, layered, and a little bit naughty.
05:12But making a good first impression is everything.
05:15If someone were to meet you for the very first time, what's one word they would use to describe you?
05:21Well, that's easy.
05:22It's obviously...
05:25Well, there are so many words.
05:27Elle Woods is stylish.
05:37Charitable.
05:42Confident.
05:57This is actually kind of impossible.
06:01If I say I'm glamorous, are they gonna think I'm not down to earth?
06:05If I pick smart, will they know I'm also fun?
06:08Should I say motivated, kind, Gemini?
06:13Vegetarian.
06:14How could anyone possibly narrow down Elle Woods to one single word?
06:20I'm only happy when it rains.
06:24I'm only happy when it rains.
06:26I'm only happy when it's complicated.
06:28And no, I know you can't appreciate it.
06:32I'm only happy when it rains.
06:44You'll want to hear about my new obsession.
06:52I'm only happy when it rains.
07:00You'll want to hear about my new obsession.
07:03I'm rising high upon a deep depression.
07:08I'm only happy when it rains.
07:11I'm only happy when it rains.
07:14I'm only happy when it rains.
07:19I have no idea what this could be in reference to.
07:23Someone must have been trying to write the word Scott.
07:27You know, a lot of people think I'm fully Scottish.
07:32But I'm mostly Irish.
07:35Hey, way to ditch me a cup of money.
07:40I ditched you.
07:41I nearly suffered a head injury as a result of that unsanctioned mosh pit you dragged me into.
07:46It's a miracle.
07:47I'm still alive.
07:48Well, let's not waste your one wild and precious life.
07:59You know how you told me Principal Anderson fudges facts on official paperwork?
08:03Dude left his last school under, quote, mysterious circumstances.
08:05It says unknown, not mysterious.
08:08You can't just change the word to make your point more scandalous.
08:11Oh, speaking of words, if you could describe me in one, what would it be?
08:15Yeah, I'm not doing that.
08:15Anyway, this article implies Anderson was fired.
08:18Knew that guy was shady.
08:20Not interested.
08:21Oh, come on.
08:22Drop it.
08:24Seriously.
08:25Yo, Dustin.
08:26You got ideas for the flyers?
08:31Okay, let's see what you got.
08:32Okay.
08:34Let's see what you got.
08:59How do I look?
09:05Religious.
09:06Well, I was actually going for nice, but religious works too.
09:08Where did your neck go?
09:10The neck is the pedestal to the face.
09:12Well, I know turtlenecks haven't traditionally been a part of my aesthetic, but maybe that was
09:15the wrong instinct.
09:16Maybe I'm a turtleneck person now.
09:18Turtleneck.
09:20Wyatt?
09:21I, um, inexplicably saw my Rolodex in your study.
09:29Can you go?
09:31Can you go?
09:33I will retrieve that for you.
09:38Honey.
09:40What's going on?
09:42Nothing.
09:44I just...
09:46Do you remember when we were walking Bruiser in the park and some lady compared him to
09:52a dachshund?
09:52Of course.
09:53He was devastated.
09:54Yeah.
09:55Well, now I know how he felt.
09:57Oh!
10:00Your housewarming invitations feature a dump scare.
10:03Well, first impressions are everything.
10:06Your dad's mishap ran our family out of L.A. and could have totally destroyed us.
10:12Thank goodness we have our second chance in Seattle.
10:15But, Elle, we can't afford another embarrassment.
10:18Yeah, that would be so bad.
10:20Well, fortunately, I figured out that those two gay men that I've been seeing on my twice-daily
10:26power walks live down the street.
10:29A well-dressed, same-sex couple really increases your party's social stock.
10:35And that just reminds me, I need to give your father a few invites for his clients.
10:42The post-ops.
10:45Obviously.
10:46And no judgment, but...
10:48Appearance is everything.
10:50You're back already.
10:52Hmm.
10:54What's that doing there?
10:55What?
10:58Mike McCready?
10:59Oh, uh, nice guy I'm in at a coffee shop.
11:02Said he'd be open for a little jam sesh sometime.
11:04It's just what the world needs.
11:06More men with guitars.
11:07Well, I think it's great, Dad.
11:10Could I get a ride to school?
11:12Yes.
11:12Let's do this.
11:12Oh.
11:16Yes, you know you should take her.
11:18I have envelopes to stuff.
11:19Great.
11:21Bye, Mom.
11:22I love you.
11:22I love you.
11:37Bruiser?
11:38Bruiser?
11:39Honey?
11:39Where are you?
11:40Come to Glad Ma.
11:45How's the brain injury?
11:47Did it turn you Amish?
11:50Modesty is non-denominational.
11:54I, um, I got your message on our answering machine.
11:58I really appreciate you dropping the Anderson stuff.
12:01Well, I meant it.
12:02I get that there are consequences, and I like to think of myself as a loyal person.
12:07Loyal.
12:08Adding that as a maybe.
12:10What?
12:12Hello, compatriots.
12:13Oh.
12:13I crunched you a copy of this.
12:14I don't think you read it fully.
12:16Drop it.
12:17What is that?
12:18Just Dustin being Dustin.
12:21Okay, everyone.
12:22Today, we are learning about catalyzed reactions.
12:27You know what that means.
12:30Interactive science.
12:31Now, I have hydrogen peroxide and different colored soaps.
12:35When I add our catalyst, oxygen gets rapidly released, which aerates the soap, causing...
12:44Yes, Dustin.
12:46So, what you're saying is you needed a catalyst for that incredible feat of science to go down?
12:51Well, I don't know if I'd call, uh, elephant toothpaste an incredible feat of science, but I do think that...
12:56But, but, with a little help, the oxygen came to light.
12:59Like all truth does eventually, don't you think?
13:02Hmm.
13:03Huh.
13:03Well, uh, yes, Elle.
13:06Miss Burke, did I misremember the assigned reading that says that hydrogen peroxide decomposes naturally without interference?
13:14Very good, Elle.
13:15Yes, it will decompose just slower without a catalyst.
13:18But that catalyst ultimately made a giant mess all over your desk.
13:22Maybe we should think twice before meddling with hydrogen peroxide and be grateful for its mild and non-controversial interseptic
13:28uses.
13:29First of all, I think you're drastically overestimating the...
13:30How dare I?
13:31Okay.
13:31How dare I?
13:32All right.
13:33Christopher, would you like to help me pass out beakers so we can all try it ourselves?
13:37Supernormal behavior from you, per usual.
13:39I told you, I'm a...
13:45Slut.
14:13I knew you were capable of lies, Kimberly, but I cannot believe you would scrawl that vial
14:18insult on my locker.
14:22Am I supposed to know what you're talking about, or is this a side effect of your fake concussion?
14:27I was studying the four-letter epithet, which I will not repeat in public, when I thought,
14:33that curly S looks awfully familiar.
14:35Where have I seen it before?
14:37Hmm.
14:38I wonder.
14:39Yeah, sorry if the truth hurts.
14:41What truth?
14:42I've never even kissed a guy.
14:43If anything, I'm a prude.
14:45But I would not like that to be a word that defines me either.
14:47Please, you...
14:50Wait, are you serious?
14:52Have you never kissed a guy before?
14:54I have very specific criteria when it comes to creating the perfect first kiss.
14:58But my point is, I could kiss a zillion guys.
15:02You do not write S-L-U-T on someone's locker.
15:06What if the S-L-U-T is swooning over her wannabe besties, B-O-Y?
15:11Miles, that's not even a thing.
15:13I've been friends with Shannon since kindergarten, so I think it's time she knew that she's friends
15:16with a slut in sheep's clothing.
15:18Well, first of all, this is faux cashmere, so theoretically it would be goat's clothing.
15:24And second, you have absolutely no proof whatsoever of this alleged crush.
15:29Then maybe I need to find proof.
15:41Okay, first order of business when I come visit you over fall break.
15:45Kill Kimberly.
15:46I refuse to spend our precious week together burying a body.
15:49What about Kimberly?
15:50She's a classic mean girl bully who wouldn't survive 24 hours in L.A.
15:56I hear clicking.
15:58Are our phones being tapped?
15:59Should we change the subject?
15:59Oh, those are my hazards.
16:02I just saw seven and I'm scared to drive home.
16:06But on the plus side, I can very easily imagine Kimberly's head in a box.
16:10Imagine you.
16:11You know, you have to go to her pool party, right?
16:13You can't let her ice you out of the social scene.
16:16Fall functions lead to holiday hoedowns, which lead to spring flings.
16:19Do you want to spend Easter alone?
16:21No, but I can't go.
16:23My mom's housewarming's that day.
16:25Plus Miles is going to be there.
16:26The way I see it, you only have one logical response.
16:28Get a boyfriend who isn't Miles and throw Kimberly off the scent.
16:34That's genius.
16:35But who, though?
16:36I don't like anyone.
16:37You don't have to like them.
16:38You just have to be convincing.
16:43World peace.
16:45World peace.
16:47Cute.
16:48Yeah.
16:49Just with everything going on.
16:51Bosnia.
16:52Tonya Harding.
16:54The world just really needs to be brought together.
17:02Wait, no.
17:03You don't.
17:04It's fine.
17:05It's totally fine.
17:07It's disgusting.
17:08Who did that?
17:09The school said they'd remove it.
17:12Eventually.
17:13I am so sorry.
17:20Is this why you were wearing a cashmere turtleneck under a mid-length dress yesterday?
17:24You noticed, too.
17:25You can't change because someone feels threatened by you all.
17:28We all know this isn't who you are.
17:30I have to go to class.
17:31Burn the turtleneck?
17:32Definitely.
17:33Bye.
17:41Yo, lesbian.
17:4316 this month.
17:46He just called you lesbian.
17:48As in lesbian.
17:50I heard.
17:52That doesn't bother you?
17:53He complimented my zine.
17:55I mean, if I'm being honest, I'm more surprised he knows how to read.
17:58Huns are for greeting cards and multicamps.
18:00Not bigotries.
18:01I'm sorry.
18:01You think that guy came up with lesbian?
18:04That's a Liz Miller original.
18:06Why would you start a rumor about yourself that would cause people to think that you're gay?
18:12Are you in witness protections?
18:15Oh, no.
18:16Um, I am gay.
18:19Obviously.
18:20I'm sorry for not knowing sooner.
18:22Oh, don't be.
18:23If everyone had your gaydar, the world would be a safer place.
18:27I have always considered myself to be sexual preference blind.
18:30I had a crush on Freddie Mercury till sixth grade.
18:33Post-live aid.
18:34Anyway, I love that you're gay.
18:36What are you doing for pride?
18:37Are you just feeling guilty about getting my mom fired?
18:41No.
18:41I genuinely like you.
18:43Why?
18:45Why do I like you?
18:46Yeah.
18:48We have nothing in common.
18:49You know almost nothing about me.
18:52So, why do you like me?
18:54Name one reason.
18:56I mean, I don't know.
18:57I just do.
18:59Well, um, when you figure it out, you let me know.
19:12Hey, if you don't want to sit by your lonesome, you can sit with me and Shannon.
19:15Oh, don't worry.
19:16Miles should be joining, too.
19:17Maybe you guys can Lady and the Tramp the same spaghetti noodle or something.
19:20No, thank you.
19:21I'm waiting for my boyfriend.
19:25Dustin.
19:26Huh?
19:27I saved you a seat.
19:29Babe.
19:30Oh, please.
19:37Mind if I have some alone time with my significant other?
19:40Or do you want to watch as we create pet names for each other?
19:46Or...
19:47Oh, you're so funny!
19:52Thanks for that.
19:53Yeah.
19:56You're not going to ask?
19:57Usually with you, that leads to more questions than answers.
20:00Besides, I already know how you're going to repay me.
20:03Help me expose Anderson.
20:04No, thank you.
20:05I shouldn't have told you about him.
20:06I just need you to get one of your parents to go to the school board meeting tonight.
20:10Snag one of the school budgets so I can see if Anderson's actually providing the school
20:13with what he's getting money for.
20:14Why can't you ask one of your parents to go?
20:16My mom lives out of district and my dad would know I'm up to something.
20:18Just like how Kimberly would know you're up to something if I came out as your fake boyfriend.
20:22You wouldn't do that to us.
20:23We're committed.
20:25What's your deal with Anderson anyway?
20:27Why do you want to take him down so badly?
20:29Do you know our mascot used to be the Chiefs?
20:31Which, you know, didn't exactly fill some of our student body with school spirit.
20:37Because it perpetuates negative stereotypes.
20:41Anderson fought me on changing the mascot all last year.
20:44Basically said it was cheaper for the school to say racist.
20:52Yeah, not exactly as big as fine.
20:57Well, obviously Anderson stinks and deserves to be taken down.
21:02But if I agree to this, we get adults and lawyers involved, okay?
21:06We do not go public.
21:08It's the only way to avoid collateral damage.
21:10Can you do it or not?
21:11My mom thrives at a good old-fashioned school board meeting.
21:16But only if you like live entertainment and vegan options.
21:23Oh, don't open it over here.
21:25Open it by the trunch.
21:26I look forward to your RSVP.
21:28Mrs. Woods, this isn't a personal networking forum.
21:33Please take your seat.
21:34The board meeting's about to begin.
21:36Of course.
21:37It's so good of you to remind me again.
21:41The dress code is Upscale Terrace.
21:45I know you got that, Andrew.
21:49Dean Wilson.
21:50Hello there, Eva Woods.
21:52Which you would know if I put adhesive on boucle.
21:56You're a new face.
21:57My husband and I are new to Medina.
21:59Uh, what neighborhood did you move into?
22:03No, I don't know.
22:04It's walking distance from that bakery with the mini quiches.
22:08Boku Bay Shop.
22:09Yes.
22:09Yes.
22:10Why aren't all quiches mini?
22:11That is what my husband said.
22:13I don't know.
22:16I do love your little elbow patches.
22:19Now, do you teach English, or are your elbows just prone to friction?
22:24Neither.
22:24Actually, I am...
22:26Dean.
22:27Ah, if you'll excuse me.
22:29Eva, it was lovely to meet you.
22:30Lovely to meet you, too.
22:33Oh.
22:35Parents and teachers, before we start the meeting, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce Medina's new mayoral candidate, current
22:43superintendent, Dean Wilson.
22:52Thank you, Eric, Principal Shane Anderson, and the Rainier West School Board for their political endorsement.
22:58Mayoral candidate in converse?
22:59I'm going to serve the district as superintendent, and I intend to stay committed to providing quality education as mayor.
23:07And I began serving as your district superintendent...
23:10Just remind people to RSVP.
23:13That I would improve academic...
23:18Hey, how'd it go in there?
23:20Still...
23:20I don't understand how this will get you extra credit in econ.
23:24Oh, you know, number stuff.
23:27Were you able to unload some invites in there?
23:29Yes, but now I'm completely rethinking my dress code.
23:33The man running for mayor looked like an extra from Dead Poets Society.
23:38Nobody blinked an eye.
23:40Oh, God.
23:42Wait.
23:45Is that that skater?
23:46Um, hi.
23:48Hi.
23:49Why are you on my car?
23:51You know, your pens is pretty cozy when it's not lowering me down.
23:55Uh, Mom, this is Dustin.
23:59My, my econ partner.
24:03As previously discussed, the contents of this stays between us till we commit to a plan.
24:10This is yours.
24:12Now I understand why you need that extra credit.
24:16Well, we'll see you, Elle.
24:18Do let me know if you want to try any more heroin.
24:25I really worry about you lowering your standards to fit in.
24:28Are you kidding me?
24:30Dustin said a lot for this school.
24:32If anything, I don't meet his standards.
24:33Oh, that's not a bad thing.
24:34You don't even know him.
24:35I know enough based on my limited interactions with him.
24:39Well, there's more to a person than a first impression.
24:41I'm just trying to make sure that my daughter doesn't make a mistake.
24:43Well, your daughter's a slut.
24:45That is absolutely not true.
24:47You've never even kissed a boy before.
24:49You have your criteria.
24:50Well, someone wrote it on my locker.
24:52In Sharpie.
24:53And I wanted to tell you about it, but you've been so obsessed with rehabbing our family's reputation.
24:58With gay men and exploding confetti.
25:00I was scared it would give you a heart attack.
25:02Oh, honey.
25:05These children are pale on purpose.
25:08They don't know anything.
25:10You're going to find your friends.
25:11You just have to audition a few new faces before committing to anyone.
25:17That's the whole reason we're having our garden party.
25:20You know what, Mom?
25:21I'm not going to your party.
25:23What are you talking about?
25:24I'm going to Kimberly's pool party with Dustin, the heroin junkie you like sluts.
25:31So don't worry, your slutty daughter won't ruin your perfect party with her slutty face.
25:40Get in the car before TCBY closes.
26:11We should probably discuss some ground rules while we're here.
26:13Yeah.
26:14No extended eye contact.
26:15No innuendo.
26:17You can call me Elle or Babe, but I'm open to a more unique pet name if you have one.
26:22Maybe Elle of the ball.
26:24Hell?
26:28You came in a bikini.
26:35Oh, I see we're still committing to this fake relationship.
26:38Has she let you kiss her yet?
26:40Apparently she has very specific conditions.
26:42Let's go, dust bunny.
26:44Lead the way, L.A.
26:47That actually wasn't bad.
26:50What conditions was she talking about?
26:52For you, the apocalypse.
26:54Now I'll let you go change, and I'll wait for you by the pool.
26:57Changing to what?
26:57You're bathing.
26:58Black old sun, won't you come?
27:04Wash and blaze the rain.
27:07Black old sun, won't you come?
27:12Won't you come?
27:16Black old sun, won't you come?
27:21I thought this was a pool party.
27:23I think that means something different here in Seattle.
27:26I would have told you, but I didn't actually invite you.
27:34Why didn't you tell me I was dressed crazy?
27:37I thought it was an L.A. thing.
28:01I don't think the guests realize the champagne is real.
28:05I've had several requests for beer.
28:12Is that Mary from the dog park?
28:16Ha-cha-cha!
28:17Yeah.
28:18Probably didn't recognize me without a poop bag in my hand, am I right?
28:23Let's put this in your hand instead.
28:25It's from Cote de Blanc.
28:27No, thank you.
28:27Actually, I was just on the hunt for some carbs.
28:29Uh, the radish canapés are...
28:33Boy, are they refreshing.
28:34But, uh, it's not exactly soaking up my buzz, if you know what I mean.
28:37Well, isn't that the whole idea, though?
28:39To just buzz off into oblivion?
28:42Because the real world...
28:46I hate the world.
28:47Um, but seriously, do you have any bread rolls or anything?
28:53Because you don't actually want to buzz off into oblivion.
28:57Because you have to wake up tomorrow and do things.
29:02Oh, God, it didn't even occur to me to provide bread.
29:05Hey, no, it's okay.
29:06It's fine.
29:06It's fine.
29:07Uh, I will grab some blanese from the caviar or...
29:11I don't know how I drop the ball like that.
29:13Um, we have oatmeal.
29:15So just stay put and I will have the chef prepare you some.
29:19Okay.
29:20Ugh, gross.
29:21I don't...
29:21Thanks.
29:29Please tell the chef to boil some water, stat.
29:32Oh, Mayor Hopeful Dean Wilson, you came.
29:37What a pleasure.
29:38Uh, November 7th, get out and vote.
29:41Join the Dean team.
29:43I just coined that, but you can have it.
29:45I appreciate the plug.
29:46Well, if you hadn't come, I would have had to declare a state of emergency.
29:51Mayors do that, right?
29:52Yes.
29:54I think.
29:55Honestly, something I should get confirmation on.
29:58Um, I wanted to get out and get some face time with the voters.
30:01You know, let them know that there's a candidate out there who doesn't just serve the elite.
30:04Well, if you are looking for salt of the earth, you came to the right place.
30:08Honey, the chef accidentally seared the foie gras on both sides.
30:12Do you want them to toss it?
30:14Excuse us for this one.
30:21Okay.
30:23Oh, okay, I'll...
30:26Oh, okay.
30:28Stay positive.
30:29Everything is great.
30:32What?
30:37Oh, no.
30:39I'm in the belly of the beast.
30:43This is Kimberly's room.
30:46Oh, I could just move this.
30:52It's okay.
30:54Hey.
30:58Elise.
31:00Oh, no.
31:01Oh, no.
31:03Oh, no.
31:04Oh, no.
31:05Oh, no.
31:05Oh, no.
31:07Oh, no.
31:09Oh, no.
31:09Oh, no.
31:11Oh, no.
31:13Hi, it's Donna and Liz, and we're out getting matching tattoos.
31:18Mom, stop.
31:19All right, fine, we're boring.
31:20Leave a message anyway.
31:22Liz, hi.
31:24I'm at Kimberly's party in a bikini.
31:28So, obviously, I hid myself in a room
31:31because I was scared what people would think.
31:34Then it dawned on me why I like you so much.
31:37You don't care.
31:40Like, about anything.
31:42How you dress, how you act.
31:44You write a zine that almost no one reads,
31:46and you totally rock the whole lesbian thing.
31:49Which I'm realizing now I probably shouldn't be singing on your answering machine.
31:53So I need you to teach me how to not care.
31:56And also, please bring me my emergency party outfit.
31:59My mom can show you the one.
32:01Preferably now.
32:03And at Kimberly's.
32:05Oh, this is Elle, by the way.
32:07Elle Woods for English class.
32:09I wouldn't tell your mom I said hi.
32:12I don't know why you won't give that girl a chance.
32:16This is her leaving a message.
32:18To imagine her in person.
32:20I know her in person.
32:22I have worked at Rainier West High for 20 years.
32:24I know the names of all my students.
32:26And their allergies.
32:28You know, Elle was the only one who called to check on me when I got fired.
32:35She had known me a week.
32:38Imagine her as an actual friend.
32:51You've definitely proven that it works.
32:53I mean, all of which to say that we're waiting for our Series B funding.
32:56The CEO's really stressed about evaluation, so now he's riding everyone's ass.
33:00He sounds like my trainer.
33:02His name's not Billy Blanks, is it?
33:05It's John.
33:07Right.
33:11Well, computer stuff is so important, Craig.
33:14Well, it's more like an online classified show.
33:16Do you have any pictures of your children?
33:19Actually, I just realized I left my wallet in my car, which I handed over to a total stranger.
33:24Oh!
33:24Do you know where they parked it?
33:25I will have the valet bring it out front.
33:27What kind of car do you drive?
33:28I can grab my own keys.
33:29No, no, no, no.
33:30That's the valet's job, Craig.
33:33Your job is to enjoy yourself, eat, drink, mingle.
33:40Hi.
33:41Can you give us a minute, please?
33:42Thanks.
33:44What are you doing?
33:45I don't know.
33:46I don't know what I'm doing.
33:47In LA, my prowess as a hostess put Cathy Hilton to shame, and now I'm completely out of my element.
33:53They want bread.
33:55They want beer.
33:57They can park themselves.
33:58You talk about them like they're from another planet.
34:00I want them to like me.
34:01Well, they will like you, because you're you, not because of all this.
34:07Fine.
34:07You host.
34:09I have to go see if Boku delivers baguettes.
34:18Have you seen Elle?
34:20She probably left.
34:22Oh, and you could drop the ruse now.
34:24What do you mean?
34:25Oh, come on.
34:25She's obviously not your girlfriend.
34:27I mean, if you're trying to get in on that, good luck.
34:30She's never even kissed a guy.
34:31Well, that's...
34:32That's not what I look, I say.
34:35Hey, look.
34:36Elle is a social climber who thinks she can skip a few rungs, and you're the one she's currently standing
34:40on, FYI.
34:41I don't know what you're digging for here.
34:42She's cute.
34:42She's funny.
34:44We get each other.
34:46I don't know what's so complicated about that.
34:49Wait, you don't actually like her, do you?
34:52You know, maybe if you were a little less mean, you'd have a boyfriend too.
35:07Elle?
35:18Elle, where are you?
35:19Liz?
35:21Over here.
35:34Okay.
35:36Wait, where's my vinyl mini and pastel guest sweater?
35:39I didn't bring them.
35:40Very funny.
35:42Where are they?
35:43I'm serious.
35:44Okay.
35:45It's fine.
35:47It's fine.
35:48It's fine.
35:48Plan B.
35:49I'll just wear something of Kim...
35:53What is this?
35:57Where are Kimberly's clothes?
35:59These are her clothes.
36:01What?
36:02She changes at school.
36:04If her parents saw what she actually wears, they'd send her to military school.
36:07Well, now who's the poser?
36:09It actually makes me kind of sad.
36:13Okay.
36:13Well, I've never worn a gingham jumper before, but desperate times.
36:18Alright, stop touching her shit, okay?
36:20I came empty handed on purpose.
36:23You said you didn't want to care, so...
36:25Don't care.
36:27Wear that.
36:28I can't wear this.
36:29There's already a floating rumor that I'm an SL Utah.
36:32Okay, who said that?
36:33Who do you think?
36:36Okay.
36:37Here are the facts.
36:39At one point in your life, you saw that bikini on a shelf.
36:42Right?
36:42You bought that bikini.
36:44You wore that bikini today.
36:45Why?
36:46Because when pieces leave, wear tan lines.
36:48Because you think you look good.
36:50The key to not caring about what other people think is to own what you think.
36:54Be your own self.
36:56Want it if you want.
36:59You say, I only hear what I want to.
37:08Go.
37:17That sounded really good, you guys.
37:19Mind if I go next?
37:33Take this pink ribbon off my eyes.
37:38I'm exposed and it's no big surprise.
37:42Don't you think I know exactly where I'll stand?
37:47This world is forcing me to hold your hand.
37:50Cause I'm just a girl, a little old me.
37:56Well, don't let me out of your sight.
38:00Cause I'm just a girl.
38:02Open him and take.
38:05So don't let me have any rights.
38:09Oh, I've had it up to you.
38:18They're so cute together.
38:22I didn't realize they were together.
38:24I think it's new.
38:27Dustin doesn't really seem like her type, does he?
38:30I'm just a girl in the woods.
38:33That's all that you'll let me know.
38:38I'm just a girl.
38:40What's my destiny?
38:42Glad to come to it.
38:44Make it me now.
38:47Oh, I've had it up to.
38:52Oh, I've had it up to.
38:56Oh, you're my wonder wall.
39:21One more time.
39:28One more time.
39:29Maybe.
39:31Maybe.
39:33Yeah.
39:34You're gonna be the one that saves me.
39:36That saves me.
39:38Yeah.
39:39And after all.
39:43Bring it home.
39:44You're my wonder wall.
39:46That saves me on the wall.
39:50L, L, L, L, L, L, L,!
39:57L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L.
40:08I'm glad you stayed.
40:10Sorry for running away.
40:11But you could have warned me about my outfit fail.
40:15Sorry.
40:16But to be fair, I'm never going to tell a girl to look less hot.
40:25Thanks.
40:30Uh, Dustin, huh?
40:32Uh, yeah.
40:34Yeah, it's new.
40:36I guess I didn't really know about you and Shannon, right?
40:39Yeah, not so new.
40:40Two years.
40:44Uh, can I ask you something?
40:46Uh, it's stupid.
40:52Did I, like, do something wrong?
40:59No.
41:01No, I mean, it's fine.
41:03I mean, how could you?
41:04We barely know each other, right?
41:06We both just found out we have romantic counterparts.
41:11You're right.
41:16This is speaking of.
41:17I should probably go.
41:18Yeah.
41:18Fine.
41:19Mm-hmm.
41:19Bye.
41:21Bye.
41:35Oh, my God.
41:37This is a genuine criminality.
41:38Suizing from every single one of us.
41:40Seriously, guys.
41:41Have a read.
41:42Find out where the top's up.
41:43Right on.
41:43Sure.
41:44Fantastic.
41:45Yeah.
41:45There you go.
41:46Dusty?
41:47On Friday.
41:48Honey, what are you doing?
41:49Taking money from the school, and this is just the stuff we know about.
41:52Everything that's going on.
41:54What the hell, LA?
41:55You lied to me.
42:03She's pissed at me, bro.
42:12What are you doing?
42:13Not agreed to lawyers.
42:17No.
42:18You agreed to lawyers.
42:19And maybe in LA, they do the hard work for you, but not here.
42:23It doesn't work like that here.
42:24If we want to get anything done, we'll have to stand up for ourselves.
42:27But you don't even know what you're doing.
42:28Really?
42:29The school budget claims to employ three maintenance workers on staff?
42:33Didn't Martindale tell you they only had one?
42:34Yes, which is why my locker couldn't get de-slutted.
42:37The school budget is full of bogus expenses, like $5,000 for tater tots.
42:41I've been at that school three years, and not once have I seen a tater tot at Rainier
42:44West High.
42:44You want to blow the whistle on a tater tot conspiracy?
42:46Did you know that Donna's salary is still listed on the budget?
42:49The temp presumably makes a fraction of what she earned.
42:51Where's that money going?
42:52Why was she even fired?
42:53Donna was fired because of me.
42:55Maybe she wasn't.
42:56Maybe it was an easy way to free up some excess cash.
43:00Look, if we're sitting on a huge scandal, we need to mobilize the whole school right now.
43:28It's about me.
43:34I live just outside the Rainier West School District, but Anderson lets me go there anyway.
43:39My mom's worried about anyone digging up dirt on him, because if he goes, I might get kicked out.
43:44Elle's trying to protect me.
43:51Duh.
43:52You on a ride?
43:53Yes, please.
44:14How was the pool party?
44:16Terrible.
44:17There wasn't even water in the pool.
44:19And you were wearing it after they called you?
44:24It's just so gauche.
44:25I bet no one even uses that word in 20 years.
44:29Like that dinky little online bookstore Craig's friend kept going on and on about.
44:36Skater boy didn't walk you to the door?
44:38Dustin and I aren't moving forward.
44:41You broke my trust.
44:43Honey, I'm sorry.
44:46But you can do better.
44:48Come meet the neighbors.
44:54Oh, you must be Elle.
44:57Hi.
44:57Chad Cohen.
44:58Charlie.
44:59Elle.
44:59What?
45:00Sorry again for being so late.
45:01Are you kidding me?
45:02Main reason to throw a party is to get to the after party.
45:05Chad and Charlie live with their son down the street.
45:07Oh, that's nice.
45:09Hey.
45:13Hi.
45:18Uh, do the adults want to open this in the back?
45:22Or do people want beer?
45:23Beer?
45:24Wow.
45:24I didn't realize you were running a frat house, Eva.
45:27Wyatt, we have found our people.
45:29Come on.
45:30Nice to meet you.
45:31How do you all feel about the Hugh Grant scandal?
45:34I don't think he's coming back from it.
45:36I think he's coming back from it.
45:37I think he's coming back from it.
45:37Really?
45:38I think that's interesting.
45:39Well, now, I just thought he was British.
45:42So, the gay couple across the street my mom's obsessed with?
45:46It's my dad's.
45:48Yeah.
45:50Which makes you my neighbor.
45:55I can leave if you want me to.
45:57No.
45:57No.
45:57You can stay.
46:00I'm sorry about earlier.
46:03You were right.
46:04It's been a lot of weird.
46:05No.
46:06Cheers.
46:07Cheers.
46:08Welcome to the neighborhood.
46:10Thank you so much.
46:11I guess it's going to be harder to avoid me now, though.
46:20If Cosmic Girls are like cake, then cake, by definition,
46:25is made up of many ingredients.
46:27So shouldn't what makes us us consist of many words?
46:32Xena isn't just a warrior or just a princess.
46:36And for all we know, Buffy could be slaying kittens without the appropriate qualifier.
46:42Sorry, Cosmo, but I refuse to write this essay on your terms.
46:48I am a constant work in progress, and I'm not about to brand Elle Woods as any one word.
46:56I am a constant work in progress.
46:59I am a constant work in progress.
47:04I am a constant work in progress.
47:06I love her.
47:06Cheers.
47:06So why?
47:17We'll be finding out Ka testing皆さん and fire.
47:18Let me also make sure that I'm not noodle in Ella and K вся.
47:20Let me ask you to find that without getting Isaiah کے
47:26Twenty-five years and my life is still
47:28Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
47:34For a destination
47:39I realized quickly when I knew I should
47:42That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
47:48For whatever that means
47:53Into a crisis of times when I'm lying in bed
47:57Just to get it all out what's in my head
48:23You know, it's easy to get up of this
48:50So, yeah, I have a blessing
48:51To the other people
48:51This excludes my way
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