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00:02thank god are you okay he didn't chain you up somewhere he's not no no dungeons i'm fine
00:09you don't look fine she's right i don't feel fine i feel like i'm playing three different
00:13chess games at once and losing all of them i start to tell her about franco about tomas
00:17about the deadline but before i can get past the first sentence are you okay you seem terrified of
00:22him of course i'm terrified his men run the entire east coast he could be listening to us right now
00:26serena you're not making sense why do you even know so much about who's your dad something shifts
00:31in her expression something serious and old and tired like she's been waiting for this question
00:35and dreading it at the same time mia it's time you know who i am the door exploding open a
00:40masked man
00:40with a gun raised screaming at everyone to get on the floor the cafe erupts into chaos i freeze i
00:46stand
00:46in the middle of it all and my body simply refuses to move like it's deciding whether any of this
00:50is
00:50real mia get down i can't move you deaf i said down the robber spots me move why can't i
00:58move
01:06for one second i think it's over marco put it down please
01:16i stand there with a stranger's arm around neck and think absurdly about the alley three months ago
01:20about how i peeked my head out and said hello like an idiot about how that one bad decision led
01:24to
01:25every bad decision after it a chain of dominoes i set off the moment i dragged a bleeding cartel king
01:29off the pavement i really shouldn't have saved him then the door opens again emilio walks in like he
01:33has nowhere else to be like this is a meeting he scheduled gun raised jaw set eyes finding me in
01:38under a second oh yeah who's she the president's wife emilio shoots him in the arm the arm around
01:43my throat goes slack i drop serena catches me no you're fucking not i don't see what happens next
01:49the world tilts goes soft at the edges and i stop being able to hold myself up the last thing
01:54i feel
01:55before i feign is someone lifting me his arms his cologne that particular steadiness that shouldn't feel
02:00like safety but does
02:04the next morning a small army arrives at my door they work on me for two hours i sit in
02:09the chair
02:09and let them and feel like a doll being dressed for a party i didn't ask to attend which is
02:14technically exactly what's happening i slip out when they're arguing about earrings down the hall
02:19through the tall living room windows i spot emilio outside with diego he's in a sharp suit and he's
02:23furious jaw tight gesturing hard words muffled through the glass but unmistakably sharp he's beautiful
02:28when he's angry i noticed this and immediately wish i hadn't
02:34you're gonna tell me why you want my baby and what it have to do with palacio
02:38who the man at your apartment he knows he's known the realization lands slowly and then all at once
02:44and i think about every moment since he showed up at my door the conference table the handkerchief
02:48the drawer full of condoms and understand that he has been pulling at this thread the entire time
02:52i don't know what you're talking about do you know what happened to the last person who lied to me
02:57i cut out their tongue and made them eat it i hate them i blink hard he's a monster i
03:02tell myself
03:03remember that this isn't over i know it's never over that's the problem
03:10i walk in on emilio's arm in a dress that cost more than three months of my old salary
03:15diamonds at my throat and i feel like a very convincing fake
03:18emilio greets people with a smile that doesn't touch his eyes and steers me through the room
03:22with a hand at the small of my back that feels like both a claim and a warning
03:26stay close don't talk to anyone i'm not allowed to talk to people
03:29you've caused enough trouble on your own that wasn't in the contract i'm a cartel
03:33boss mia a contract won't stop me from doing whatever i want
03:38i don't see franco until his hand closes around my arm and yanks me into the shadows
03:42hello little mia you didn't forget our deal
03:45what are you doing here emilio invited we go way back
03:48emilio invited him the information sits in my chest with a stone
03:51i think about the look on emilio's face through the window furious deliberate
03:54i think about this isn't over
03:56you've been living with him for three weeks
03:58why aren't you pregnant yet
04:07what did you do to her nothing we were just talking
04:10why don't you ask her this is his land between us like a grenade
04:14i watch emilio's grip loosen just slightly just for a moment and see it on his face
04:18the recalculation the betrayal trying to find its shape
04:21our eyes meet and i have never felt so exposed in my life
04:24then de leon is there murmuring something about engagement photos
04:28and emilio exhale through his teeth and goes
04:30i watch him walk away with his shoulders set and his jaw tight
04:33and something aching and hollow opens up in the middle of my chest
04:36you know something's wrong tell him yourself before this ends badly
04:39i can't
04:41under the bright lights of the photo area
04:43emilio and i stand six inches apart like strangers
04:46the photographer keeps asking us to move closer
04:49we comply in small miserable increments
04:51is it that unborable standing next to me
04:52only when you're mad at me
04:54i'm mad because you're hiding something
04:55i can't
04:56perfect now give each other a little kiss
04:58the silence that follows is approximately a thousand years long
05:01then emilio grabs my chin and kisses me
05:03it's not gentle it's a question with teeth
05:05demanding and frustrated and searingly humiliatingly effective
05:09the camera flashes go off like a small storm
05:11that was my first kiss
05:12that was my first kiss and he used it like propuntuation
05:17his mouth was just there
05:19angry and warm and nothing like i'd imagined
05:22and i have absolutely been imagining it
05:24and that is a problem i don't have time for right now
05:27he was furious and i still got turned on
05:29what is wrong with me
05:32did you sleep with him
05:33what
05:34who
05:34franco palacio is that what you're hiding is that why you wouldn't kiss me
05:36no i didn't sleep with him
05:37you shoved me away like i was contagious
05:39because i couldn't breathe i've never i haven't
05:40the fury in his expression shifts
05:42slowly like a tide going out
05:44it gives way to something quiet and more careful
05:46breathe through your nose
05:47he presses his lips to mine
05:48and this time it's nothing like before
05:50soft
05:50slow like he's asking instead of taking
05:52like he has all the time in the world and intends to use it
05:56one more
05:56i don't say no
05:57i don't say anything
05:58he kisses me again
05:59deeper
06:00one hand sliding to the back of my neck
06:01and i stop being able to think in anything but sensation
06:04warmth and the smell of his cologne
06:06and the ridiculous inconvenient certainty that i am in very serious trouble
06:09say yes ma'am
06:10yes
06:14then he stops
06:15not all at once
06:16he trails his lips down my throat unhurried
06:18while i'm still trying to remember what air is for
06:19his hands are at my waist
06:21mine are in his hair
06:21the whole world has narrowed down to this locked bathroom
06:23this basin
06:24his mouth
06:24but i don't think you deserve it yet
06:26what
06:26you're still hiding something from me
06:28you and my worst enemy
06:29i can't tell you
06:30i'm sorry
06:31he drops to his knees in front of me
06:32parting my legs
06:33and i barely have time to process what's happening
06:36before his mouth is on me
06:37and my head snaps back
06:38and i forget every coherent thought i've ever had
06:40you'll tell me eventually
06:42before it's too late
06:43he's using this against me
06:44i know he's using this against me
06:46i can't make myself care
06:48a security guard threatening to break it down
06:50promise me you'll tell me the truth
06:52or that guard walks in and finds you like this
06:54that's
06:54you can't
06:55that's blackmail
06:56yes i promise
06:57i'll tell you everything
06:58turns back to me
06:59eyes dark
07:01remember your promise
07:04he leaves
07:05i sit on the basin
07:06in the sudden quiet
07:07chest heaving
07:08ring glittering on my finger
07:09and press my hands to my face
07:10he used pleasure as a weapon
07:12and the worst part
07:13the part i can't stop thinking about
07:15as i swipe off the basin
07:16and fix my lipstick
07:16and walk back out into the party
07:18is that i would let him do it again
07:23sleep well
07:25you don't look like you slept well
07:26i can arrange a sleep therapist
07:28you used sex to black rail me
07:30no i don't need a therapist
07:32i need a cop
07:32you think a cop would help
07:33no because you're the cartel king
07:35and you do whatever you want
07:37not everything i want
07:39not when it comes to you
07:40i don't know what to do with that
07:41i look at my hands
07:42i don't like being lied to mia
07:44i grew up in this world
07:45betrayal is the worst sin there is
07:47but i'll wait
07:48tell me when you're ready
07:49something in my chest
07:50loosens just slightly
07:52the first millimeter of relief
07:53in weeks
07:54i'll tell you
07:55at the right time
07:56i need to think it through
07:57that's all i need
07:59i have money
08:00you have peanuts
08:01buy whatever you want
08:02i'll see you tonight fiance
08:03i look up from five credit cards
08:05and the ring on my finger
08:06and the ghost of his mouth on mine
08:07and i think about topos
08:09and franco's deadline
08:10and the promise i made
08:11in a locked bathroom
08:12i'll tell him
08:13at the right time
08:14my phone buzzes
08:15it's a message
08:16from an unknown number
08:17a photo
08:17toas
08:18beaten
08:18barely consciousness
08:19a map pin
08:20one line of text
08:21come alone
08:22i'm running some errands today
08:24you can come along
08:24let's see how long you last
08:29i know that's what it was
08:30a list of errands
08:31emilio had quietly arranged
08:33a list of things
08:34i was supposed to need
08:35a list of reasons
08:36to stay close to the house
08:37i ditched them
08:38at the corner of fifth
08:39and carter
08:39slipped into a doorway
08:40while they ran past
08:41in the wrong direction
08:42and stood there for three
08:43whole seconds
08:44feeling like i'd actually
08:45won something
08:46the address was a neighborhood
08:47that had given up on itself
08:49cracked pavement
08:50board windows
08:51a smell like rust
08:52and old rain
08:53the building at the end
08:54of the block looked like
08:55it was held together
08:55by habit
08:56i pushed the door open
08:58anyway
08:58he needs me
08:59i told myself
09:00he can't hurt me yet
09:01there's no baby
09:03the whole scene
09:04arranged like something
09:05from a bad movie
09:06little mia
09:08took you long enough
09:09i had to get rid of
09:10emilio's people
09:10i'm not talking about
09:11that i'm talking about
09:12why you're not pregnant
09:12he looked up when he
09:13heard me
09:13my stomach turned
09:14he started pulling one
09:16of the women closer
09:16making a show of it
09:18watching my face
09:21when something slammed
09:22into the building
09:23from the back
09:23a sound like the world
09:25rearranging itself
09:32franco got one hand
09:33on my arm
09:33before a gunshot
09:34punched through the air
09:35and he dropped
09:40emilio stood in the doorway
09:42guns still raised
09:43still smoking
09:45he looked at franco
09:46on the floor
09:47for exactly one second
09:49then he looked at me
09:51you okay
09:52did he hurt you
09:53i couldn't make words happen
09:54i just shook my head
09:56against his chest
09:57and kept shaking
09:58take care of the rest
09:59we're leaving
10:00then he lifted me
10:01literally lifted me
10:03and carried me out
10:04of that building
10:04like i weighed nothing
10:05like it was the most
10:06natural thing in the world
10:07like he'd been doing
10:08it his whole life
10:09outside the afternoon
10:10light was so ordinary
10:11it almost hurt
10:15i kept waiting for him
10:16to put me down
10:17to say something cold
10:18to remind me
10:19that this was a contract
10:20and feelings weren't included
10:21he didn't
10:22he just held me
10:23against his chest
10:24in the back seat
10:24while diego drove
10:25and the city slipped
10:26past the windows
10:26like a film
10:27i wasn't part of
10:28he set me on
10:29the living room sofa
10:30carefully
10:30gently
10:31and told the staff
10:32to leave
10:32with a single look
10:33the room emptied
10:34in seconds
10:34it was just us
10:36and the afternoon quiet
10:37and the weight
10:38of everything
10:38that had happened
10:39in that filthy room
10:40he threatened my cousin
10:41he wanted me
10:42to have your baby
10:43so he could use
10:43the child as leverage
10:44against you
10:45why didn't you come to me
10:46he said he'd kill
10:47Tomas if i did
10:48your cousin
10:49your cousin was working
10:49with gladio
10:50he owed him money
10:52they built this trap
10:53together
10:53for you
10:54the word together
10:55landed like a stone
10:58what
10:59he gambled himself
11:01into a grave
11:01palazio owned him
11:02i stared at my friends
11:04the whole architecture
11:05of the pastures
11:06rearranged itself
11:07in my head
11:07toe sweeping on my floor
11:09the threats
11:09all of it planned
11:10all of it aimed at me
11:12sorry isn't gonna cut it
11:16i thought he was going
11:17to be cold about it
11:18that's what i braced for
11:19the cartel king voice
11:20the gun on the table voice
11:22that i told you so
11:23wrapped in ice
11:24instead he said something
11:26i didn't expect at all
11:28you own me
11:29i dropped meetings
11:30to pull you out
11:30of that coffee shop
11:31i kissed you
11:32at our engagement party
11:33when i should have
11:33been shaking hands
11:34i couldn't kill you
11:35when you lied to my face
11:36three times
11:37and i tried
11:37i sat there
11:38and i tried
11:38and i couldn't do it
11:39don't quote that stupid
11:40contract to me
11:41when you own me
11:42me espinoza
11:42body and soul
11:43as much as i own you
11:46kiss me like you own me
11:48his jaw worked
11:49he said something
11:50about not being able
11:51to stop once he started
11:52i didn't let him finish
11:53i grabbed his collar
11:55and pulled him down to me
11:56and for one second
11:56he went still
11:57with pure shock
11:58and then he took over
11:59kissing me like
12:00he'd been keeping it
12:01locked up for months
12:02which i think he had
12:03yes
12:04do whatever you want to me
12:06punish me
12:07fuck me like you own me
12:08he looked at me
12:09for a long moment
12:10something fierce
12:11and half undone
12:12in his face
12:14don't say i didn't warn you
12:21there's a mirror
12:22above the dresser
12:22in his bedroom
12:23i didn't notice it
12:24until he bent me
12:25over the drawers
12:25and his mouth
12:26found my neck
12:27and i looked up
12:27and saw us
12:28his hands in my hair
12:29my face flushed
12:30his eyes burning
12:31into mine
12:32through the glass
12:32look in the mirror
12:34look how slutty
12:35you get for me
12:36i couldn't look away
12:37i'm the only one
12:38who gets to see you
12:39like this
12:40do you understand
12:41yes
12:42lift your dress
12:44watch when i take you
12:45what followed
12:46i will not describe in detail
12:48because there are no
12:48adequate words for it
12:49i'll say that every time
12:51my eyes dropped
12:51he cupped my chin
12:52and brought my gaze
12:53back to the mirror
12:54mine
12:55every time he said mine
12:56i believed him more
12:57completely than i've
12:58believed anything
12:58in my life
12:59mine
13:02mine
13:04mine
13:05afterward we lay
13:06in the dark
13:06his arm across my waist
13:08his breath slow
13:09and even
13:09i stared at the ceiling
13:11and felt the particular
13:12silence of someone
13:13who has crossed a line
13:14they can't cross back over
13:15you own me
13:16mia espinoza
13:17i pressed my face
13:18into his shoulder
13:19and tried not to feel
13:20how much i wanted
13:21that to be true
13:21don't fall
13:22i told myself
13:23i was already falling
13:27one week later
13:28i came home to flowers
13:29that's not quite accurate
13:31i came home to an
13:31abundance of flowers
13:33a proliferation
13:33a situation that had
13:35clearly escalated
13:36well beyond what any
13:36reasonable person
13:37would call a floral
13:38arrangement
13:38every surface in the
13:40living room held a
13:40different vase
13:41the whole space smelled
13:42like a greenhouse had
13:43moved in while i was out
13:44standing in the middle
13:45of it introducing herself
13:46with a warm professional
13:47smile was a woman
13:48named ollie
13:49she was in her 30s
13:50polished very pretty
13:52and she was looking at
13:52the door behind me
13:53in a way that told me
13:54exactly who she was
13:55waiting for
13:55emilio came in
13:5730 seconds later
13:57he stopped
13:58swept his eyes
13:59across the flowers
13:59then across me
14:00and something in his
14:01face went immediately
14:02soft and that way
14:02it only does when
14:03it's just us
14:04hello wife
14:05i missed you
14:06he dropped kisses
14:07on my forehead
14:08i held his forearms
14:10and forgot for a moment
14:11that there was a third
14:12person in the room
14:13you must be mr reyes
14:15i'm ollie
14:16i'm helping mrs reyes
14:17with the wedding florets
14:18emilio looked at
14:19all the flowers again
14:20how many flowers
14:21does a wedding need
14:22as many as i like
14:23you told me i could
14:24have whatever i wanted
14:25he leaned in close
14:27eyes warming
14:28i was thinking of
14:30something else entirely
14:31when i said that
14:32i shoved his chest
14:33he laughed and pulled
14:35me into his side
14:36i didn't notice
14:37ollie's expression yet
14:39i would
14:42the roses were imported
14:44from bulgaria
14:45apparently
14:45perfect for expressing
14:47passion
14:48a good fit for your
14:50character sir
14:50i looked at emilio
14:52he was looking at me
14:53what do you think
14:54they look pretty
14:55ollie pivoted to lilies
14:57before i finished the
14:58sentence
14:59they open with just a
15:00little attention
15:01and her eyes lingered
15:03on emilio
15:03the way eyes linger
15:05when they're not really
15:06looking at flowers
15:07they look cheap
15:08then orchids
15:10high maintain
15:11but a man like you
15:13can definitely afford
15:14to spoil someone
15:15stop
15:16both of them looked
15:17at me
15:17i know what you're
15:19doing
15:20and i don't like it
15:22ollie gave me a
15:23polished innocent
15:24smile
15:25mrs reyes
15:26i assure you
15:27it's mrs reyes
15:28you're flirting with
15:30my man
15:30in my house
15:31i don't like that
15:33emilio made a sound
15:34that was almost a
15:35laugh
15:36he lowered his mouth
15:37to my ear
15:37you're about to become
15:38a mob queen
15:39show her your claws
15:41i turned back to ollie
15:42you're fired
15:43you heard my wife
15:44security came
15:46she went
15:47the door closed
15:49emilio was grinning
15:50you called me your man
15:51because you are
15:54i told him he was
15:56sleeping on the couch
15:57in respect
15:58this was optimistic
15:59of me
15:59for what sin exactly
16:01you didn't shut her
16:02down
16:03you just stood there
16:04i was looking at you
16:05the whole time
16:06i didn't hear a word
16:07she said
16:07that's not the point
16:09couch
16:10i turned to walk away
16:11he caught my wrist
16:12i had about one second
16:14of thinking i'd won
16:15before he lifted me
16:16over his shoulder
16:17like i was a bag
16:18he was rearranging
16:20i squealed
16:21i couldn't help it
16:22put me down
16:25you'll be down
16:25when i decide
16:26you're down
16:27he carried me
16:28out of the room
16:28while i laughed
16:29and hit his back
16:30and told him
16:30he was ridiculous
16:31he ignored all of it
16:33with complete serenity
16:34on the other side
16:35of the city
16:35in the abandoned house
16:36where franco had died
16:37damien moved
16:38through the filthy
16:39rooms alone
16:39he stopped at the body
16:41crouched down
16:42studied what was left
16:43of the man
16:44who had been
16:44his instrument
16:45he stood up slowly
16:47coward
16:49he looked around
16:50at the decay
16:50the silence
16:52the ruined plan
16:54then he pulled out
16:55his phone
16:57guess i'm on my own now
17:01the letter appeared
17:02with breakfast
17:04morning wife
17:04you got a letter
17:07i read the first line
17:08and went completely still
17:10it was an admission letter
17:11nursing school
17:12i never applied for this
17:13i did
17:14he said it casually
17:15like it was obvious
17:16like the most natural
17:17thing in the world
17:18was for a cartel boff
17:19to submit nursing school
17:20applications on behalf
17:21of a woman he'd coerced
17:22into a contract marriage
17:23how did you even know
17:24i wanted to go back
17:25he stopped moving
17:27turned to look at me
17:28with an expression
17:29i'd never seen on him
17:30before
17:31completely serious
17:32completely open
17:34the night you saved me
17:35you said you were
17:36a nursing school dropout
17:37the storage room
17:39the blood
17:41his voice fading
17:42in and out
17:43as i pressed gauze
17:43to his chest
17:44trying to keep him here
17:47i'm a nursing school
17:48dropout
17:49you'll survive
17:51he'd been carrying
17:52that for months
17:52i listened to
17:53everything you say
17:54he took my hand
17:55and kissed the back
17:56of it
17:56told me the semester
17:57started on the 18th
17:57two weeks
17:58he'd arrange bodyguards
17:59i started to object
18:00he said two
18:01not a convoy
18:02and i let it go
18:02then i sat very still
18:04looking at the letter
18:05the 18th
18:06my period was late
18:08more than late
18:09i thought about the
18:10soreness i'd been
18:11ignoring for a week
18:12and a cold plerry
18:13moved through me
18:13fast and certain
18:16bathroom
18:18i was already gone
18:22i sat on the bathroom
18:24floor for a long time
18:26the test was in my hand
18:28two lines
18:29unmistakable
18:30sitting there
18:31in the morning
18:32light like
18:32the simplest
18:33and most complicated
18:34fact in the world
18:36pregnant
18:37i pressed my palm
18:38flat against my stomach
18:39nothing felt different yet
18:41the same body
18:42the same skin
18:43but somewhere in there
18:44something had started
18:46something that was
18:46half me
18:47and half the man
18:48in the kitchen
18:48who had kissed
18:48the back of my hand
18:49and said i listened
18:50to everything you say
18:51the man who had
18:52carried me out
18:53of that building
18:53who said you own me
18:55and meant it
18:55with his whole body
18:56the man i needed
18:57to tell
18:58i thought about
18:59what it meant
18:59to be pregnant
19:00with the cartel king's
19:01child
19:01the leverage of it
19:02the danger of it
19:04the way a baby
19:05becomes a weapon
19:05in this world
19:06whether you want
19:06it to or not
19:07i thought about tomos
19:09about all the traps
19:10i'd walked into already
19:12and then i stopped
19:13thinking about danger
19:14and just felt it
19:16i'm going to be a mother
19:18emilio is going to be
19:19a father
19:19i wiped my face
19:21stood up
19:22opened the door
19:24diego was in the hall
19:25where's emilio
19:27meeting miss
19:28with damian
19:29take me to him
19:31please
19:32it's important
19:33the boss doesn't
19:35like to be disturbed
19:37but something in my face
19:38must have convinced him
19:39he nodded
19:42i followed him out
19:43the test folded in my palm
19:45my heart running
19:45ahead of my feet
19:50diego walked me
19:51to the study door
19:52and left
19:52i could hear voices inside
19:54emilio and damrian
19:55low and urgent
19:56i raised my hand
19:58to knock and stopped
19:58the test was still
20:00in my palm
20:01two lines
20:02the most important thing
20:03i'd ever held
20:04then amadio's voice
20:05cut through the door
20:06mia's cousin
20:07he's a fucking clown
20:09my hand dropped
20:10i stood very still
20:12i knew i should walk away
20:13i knew that eavesdropping
20:15on the cartel king's
20:16private meetings
20:17was the kind of thing
20:18that ended badly
20:19in this world
20:19i pressed my ear
20:20to the door anyway
20:21he could have been useful
20:24he's mia's only blood relative
20:26tied to palosio's mob
20:29it was leverage
20:31what the hell is going on with you
20:33i'm just saying
20:34as the east coast cartel king
20:36you could play more strategically
20:38like not shooting your cousin-in-law in the head
20:41my blood went cold
20:46i couldn't move
20:47what i have with mia
20:49is none of your fucking business
20:51damien said something else
20:52something about fixing things with her
20:55keeping tomas alive as a peace offering
20:57but the words were coming through water now
20:59muffled and distant
21:00shooting your cousin-in-law in the head
21:04tomas was dead
21:07emilio had killed him
21:09my cousin
21:10the only blood family
21:11i'd left the person
21:12whose life i'd accepted
21:13a mob marriage to save
21:14and emilio had shot him
21:15while tomas was under his roof
21:18while i was sleeping down the hall
21:20thinking i'd kept him safe
21:21damien said something
21:22about the forged will next
21:24lying about her inheritance
21:26just to marry her
21:27a sound at the door
21:29emilio's voice sharpened
21:30who's there
21:36i turned and ran
21:39i was packing before i fully decided to pack
21:42the suitcase was open on the bed
21:44and my hands were moving
21:45and the test was still in my fist
21:48i don't know why i kept holding it
21:49and emilio came through the door
21:5120 seconds later
21:52face pale
21:53wait
21:54what are you doing
21:55what does it look like
21:57mia let's talk
21:58i don't negotiate with the devil
22:00i tried to pass him
22:02he grabbed my arm
22:03stop
22:04let's talk
22:05i jerked free
22:06you lied
22:07you killed my cousin
22:09then you lied again
22:11there's nothing left to say
22:12he exhaled
22:13sharp and frustrated
22:14is killing your scumbag cousin
22:16really that big of a deal
22:17i stared at him
22:18i waited for a moment to feel shocked
22:19but there was none left
22:20of course he said that
22:21of course
22:22he was a criminal boss
22:23who ran an empire built on violence
22:24and i had somehow convinced myself
22:26that the version of him
22:27who kissed my forehead
22:27and listened to everything i said
22:29was the real one
22:29does a human life mean anything to you
22:33i'm a criminal boss
22:35you knew that when you signed the contract
22:39which you forged
22:41my aunt never wanted me to marry you
22:43did she
22:45a long silence
22:47he didn't deny it
22:48you added the marriage clause to trap me
22:51so what
22:52i run a mob
22:54be grateful i didn't take you by force
22:56the words landed like a slap
22:58grateful
22:58he wanted me to be grateful
23:00so grateful
23:01grateful you dragged me into this hell
23:04got my cousin killed
23:05and got me
23:05the test was still in my hand
23:07i looked down at it
23:09the two lines looked back
23:10you'll never know i thought
23:12you don't deserve to
23:14i zipped the suitcase shut
23:18just let me go emilio
23:20you know i can't
23:21in one motion i reached across him
23:23and grabbed the gun from his hip
23:24i had it pressed against myself
23:26before i thought about what i was doing
23:28the barrel cold against my ribs
23:30my hand shaking
23:31tears running down my face
23:32mia
23:34his voice had changed completely
23:36all the cold stripped out of it
23:38either you let me walk out
23:41or i pull this trigger
23:44he went very still
23:46then he extended his hand
23:48palm up
23:48the way you'd extend a hand to a frightened animal
23:51give me the gun
23:53and i'll let you leave
23:55just like that
23:56yes
23:58you know i can't say no to you
24:01just give me the gun
24:02please
24:03the please undid something in my chest
24:06i hated that it did
24:09after a long moment
24:10i laid the gun in his palm
24:12he tucked it away without breaking eye contact
24:14we can fix this
24:15we can pretend none of this happened
24:18i can't pretend
24:20everything between us was built on lies
24:22he stepped closer
24:24his voice dropped
24:25thick with something he was fighting to contain
24:27my feelings for you aren't lies
24:29a tear ran down my face
24:31i looked at his face
24:32really looked at it
24:34this man who had saved me
24:35and lied to me
24:36and killed my cousin
24:37and kissed my forehead in the morning
24:39all of it true at the same time
24:41none of it simple
24:42i took his hand
24:43i placed the ring in his palm
24:45goodbye emilio
24:46he stood frozen
24:47fist closing around the ring
24:49as i walked out the door
24:54i went to serena's
24:55she opened the door
24:57before i finished knocking
24:58took one look at my face
24:59and pulled me inside
25:00without asking any questions
25:02she made tea
25:03she handed me tissues
25:04she sat with me on the sofa
25:06and let me cry
25:07until there was nothing left
25:08then she waited
25:09he killed my cousin
25:13he lied about the inheritance
25:17everything from the beginning
25:19was fabricated
25:20to get me into that house
25:21serena was very quiet
25:23she handed me another tissue
25:28too quiet
25:31i looked at her
25:33serena
25:35he killed my cousin
25:37why aren't you shocked
25:39she couldn't meet my eyes
25:40serena
25:43why do you look like you already knew
25:45a long silence
25:46the kind that means the answer is going to change things
25:49i brought tomas to him
25:50the room tilted
25:53what
25:57my dad is a mafia don
26:00i heard the words
26:02i process them in a very distant clinical way
26:06the way you process information
26:08that is too large to fit into the ordinary world
26:11you lied to me
26:15for five years
26:17i hid it to protect you
26:19so you'd never get dragged into this mob world
26:23but then emilio showed up and
26:24did you know he killed my cousin
26:27the silence that followed was the worst silence of my life
26:30yes
26:32emilio shot your cousin in front of me
26:34i pulled away from her
26:35she reached for my arm
26:38mia please
26:40my family doesn't change who i am
26:42what you mean to me
26:45you sound just like him
26:47i lied to protect you
26:51you watched him die and you didn't tell me
26:54i stood up
26:55she scrambled after me
26:57saying my name
26:58reaching for my arm
26:59i got to the door
27:01mia wait
27:02we're done serena
27:03i ran
27:07the street was cold
27:10serena chased me for half a block
27:11before her phone rang
27:12and she stopped
27:13i didn't look back
27:14i just walked
27:15arms wrapped around myself
27:16no destination
27:17no plan
27:18just moving because stopping felt like drowning
27:20i thought about my mother
27:21who had died and left me in a world i didn't understand
27:23i thought about toas
27:25who had sold me to a monster for gambling debts
27:27i thought about the ring i'd left in emilio's hand
27:29and the test still folded in my pocket
27:31and the fact that i was pregnant and alone in the dark
27:33with nowhere to go
27:34the city moved around me
27:35indifferent
27:37a car slowed alongside me
27:39i squinted
27:40emilio
28:08the door opened
28:11hands in his pockets
28:12like he was offering him a ride to the airport
28:14nothing in his face looked wrong
28:16why would you help me
28:17you're his brother
28:18i'd like to balance out some of the bad i've done
28:20i'll handle your phone
28:22he put a tracker on it
28:24even works when it's off
28:26i looked down at my phone
28:27then at him
28:29then at the dark street
28:30stretching in both directions
28:31with nowhere to go
28:32i handed him the phone
28:34he took it
28:35and i climbed into the back seat
28:37i was so tired
28:38i was so tired of being afraid
28:40of running
28:41of trying to stay one step ahead of men
28:43with more power than i would ever have
28:44the leather seat was warm
28:46damien got into the front without speaking
28:48there's water in the back if you need it
28:52i reached for the bottle
28:53opened it
28:54took a long drink
28:56thank you damien
28:56you're a good man
28:58he watched me in the rearview mirror
29:00and something moved across his face
29:02that i didn't have time to read
29:06the water tasted like water
29:08that was the last thing i registered clearly
29:11then the edges of the window started to blur
29:13the street lights smeared into long yellow streaks
29:16my hand felt very heavy
29:18i looked down at the bottle in my lap
29:20and thought distantly
29:21that something was wrong
29:24what
29:26the thought didn't finish
29:29i slumped sideways
29:30and the world went out like a light
29:33in the front seat
29:34damien watched me through the mirror
29:36his easy smile had changed
29:38into something else entirely
29:41something that had been waiting
29:42behind it all along
29:43sweet little mia
29:45you have no idea what's coming
29:47for you
29:48or for my arrogant half-brother
29:53we're on our way
29:54have the island ready
29:55outside
29:56the city light slid past and fell behind us
29:59and emilio's mansion disappeared into the dark
30:01and i was gone before i knew i'd been taken
30:06i woke up to the sound of ocean
30:08that was wrong
30:09i lived in the city
30:11the city didn't sound like that
30:13steady and vast and indifferent
30:15like breathing from a long way away
30:17i lay still for a moment with my eyes closed
30:19waiting for the world to reassemble itself into something familiar
30:23it didn't
30:24i opened my eyes
30:25an unfamiliar room
30:27whitewashed walls
30:28wooden shutters
30:29light coming in sideways in gold
30:31not a hotel
30:32not anywhere i'd ever been
30:34i got up and went to the window
30:37trees
30:38ocean
30:38nothing else in any direction
30:40the door opened behind me
30:42good
30:43you're awake
30:44i turned around
30:47he was standing in the frame
30:49hands in his pockets
30:50looking pleased with himself
30:52in that particular way
30:53that meant something had gone
30:54exactly according to plan
30:56where am i
30:57somewhere no one can find you
30:59not even my brother
31:00the memory came back
31:02all at once
31:04the car
31:05the water
31:06the bottle in my hand
31:07the edges of the window blurring
31:09you kidnapped me
31:11smart girl
31:13i see why emilio kept you around
31:16but not smart enough
31:18he moved into the room
31:19and i stepped back
31:21until the wall found me
31:26he told me about palacio
31:28not the way i'd understood it
31:30franco as emilio's enemy
31:31using me as a pawn
31:32damien had been behind franco
31:33the whole time
31:34he'd found my cousin
31:35the moment he ran my background check
31:37he'd built the trap
31:38handed tomas to franco
31:39and watched the whole thing
31:40play out from inside
31:40emilio's house
31:41franco palano was a fucking idiot
31:44but he was a useful one
31:45until your cartel king
31:47shot him in the head
31:49my cousin died because of you
31:51his expression didn't change
31:53i slapped him
31:55his head snapped sideways
31:56a beat of absolute silence
31:58then he turned back
32:00and the easy smile was gone
32:01replaced by something
32:03that had always been
32:04underneath it
32:06he grabbed my throat
32:07and slammed me into the wall
32:09you're lucky i need you
32:12or i'd choke the life
32:13out of you right now
32:14his eyes moved over me
32:16in a way that made my skin crawl
32:17if my cold-hearted brother
32:19is obsessed with you
32:20there must be something
32:22worth exploring
32:23he leaned in
32:25i bit him
32:26hard
32:30he pulled back with a snarl
32:32and i saw his arm draw back
32:33don't
32:34please
32:34i'm pregnant
32:35his fist stopped
32:36the room went very quiet
32:38demian stared at me
32:40the fury draining out of his face
32:41and being replaced by something
32:43more dangerous
32:44calculation
32:44you're pregnant
32:46with emilio's baby
32:48i nodded
32:49my throat ached
32:50where his hand had been
32:51he stepped back
32:52then he started laughing
32:53really laughing
32:54the kind that fills a room
32:55and i stood against the wall
32:57and watched him
32:58and felt a cold
32:59creeping dread
32:59oh this is gold
33:01palami actually pulled it off
33:02i thought his plan
33:03to knock you up
33:04was ridiculous
33:04emilio would never
33:05never what
33:06there's a rumor
33:07he's infertile
33:07maybe it's real
33:08maybe he spread it
33:09so women wouldn't chase him
33:10either way
33:11you and that baby
33:12just changed everything
33:13he headed for the door
33:14still grinning
33:15what are you going to do to me
33:17he turned
33:18one hand on the frame
33:20relax
33:22i was gonna let my men
33:23have some fun with you
33:25but now
33:27i need that baby unharmed
33:31he told me about the island
33:35pacific
33:35private
33:37surrounded by his army
33:38and buried in the ground
33:40all around the house
33:41explosives
33:42enough to bring everything down
33:43triggered by a detonator
33:45he kept on his person
33:46if emilio tries anything
33:47boom
33:48then he left me there
33:50i slid down the wall
33:52and sat on the floor
33:53and tried to think
33:55the ocean kept making
33:56its vast
33:57in a myriant sound
33:58outside the shuttered window
33:59you're on a private
34:01pacific island
34:02surrounded by a full army
34:04with bombs underneath you
34:06i pressed both hands
34:07flat against my stomach
34:09i'm going to get us
34:10out of here
34:10i didn't know
34:12if that was true
34:12i said it anyway
34:14because someone had to
34:16i thought about the note
34:17emilio had tucked
34:18into a nursing school envelope
34:20i listened to everything you say
34:22i thought about the way
34:23he'd lifted me out of
34:24franco's building
34:25like i was something
34:25worth carrying
34:27i thought about his fist
34:28closing around my ring
34:30find me
34:30i thought
34:31please find me
34:33the door stayed closed
34:35the ocean kept breathing
34:37i stayed on the floor
34:39and i waited
34:41on the third night
34:43a hand touched my shoulder
34:44i jolted awake
34:45already pulling back
34:46already opening my mouth
34:47to scream
34:48and a hand covered it
34:49a familiar weight
34:50a familiar smell
34:51mia it's me
34:53a voice in my ear
34:54barely a breath
34:55i collapsed into him
34:57he held me for exactly
34:58three seconds
34:59his arms around me
35:00his chin on my head
35:01the realness of him
35:02solid and overwhelming
35:04and then he pulled back
35:05and cupped my face
35:06and checked me the way
35:07he'd checked me in the warehouse
35:08all those months ago
35:09systematic and frantic
35:11at the same time
35:11are you hurt?
35:13no
35:13how did you
35:14serena
35:14and your mafia princess friend
35:16has a helicopter
35:17he pressed his lips to my forehead
35:19quick and fierce
35:19follow my lead
35:20we're heading to the chopper
35:21stay close
35:21stay quiet
35:22he had a gun in his hand
35:23he opened the door
35:24checked the corridor
35:25and guided me out into the dark
35:29we made it 30 feet
35:31damien's voice came from ahead of us
35:33easy and amused
35:34like he'd been waiting
35:35since when does the cartel king
35:37use knockout drugs
35:38to sneak in?
35:40Emilio stopped
35:41gun raised
35:42since when do you skip dinner?
35:47damien stepped out of the shadows
35:48in his hand
35:50raised between two fingers
35:52like a cigarette
35:52was the detonator
35:55since the day
35:56dad handed you the cartel
35:58his thumb hovered over the button
36:01Emilio moved in front of me
36:02without thinking about it
36:03blocking me with his body
36:05drop the gun brother
36:10Emilio dropped it
36:12you want the cartel?
36:14fine
36:14I'll give it to you
36:16I don't want the stupid mob
36:17it's you
36:18it's always been you
36:20his voice had broken open
36:21and underneath the ease
36:22and the planning
36:23and the long patient game
36:24was something rawer
36:25something that had been sitting
36:27in that house for years
36:28growing in the dark
36:29then take me
36:30do whatever you want
36:31but let Mia go
36:33don't drag her into this
36:37it happened in less than a second
36:39Emilio crossing the corridor
36:40in two strides
36:40shoulder dropping
36:41crashing into his brother
36:42the detonator flew from Damien's hand
36:44but Damien's smile came back
36:46colder than before
36:47no
36:49your offspring isn't getting out today either
36:52he turned to me
36:54slowly
36:54and in that moment
36:55nothing in his face
36:56was the cartel king
36:57nothing was the man
36:58who made rooms go silent
37:00and had people removed
37:01he just looked at me
37:02like I was the only thing
37:03in the room that mattered
37:04you're pregnant
37:07I nodded
37:08his jaw set
37:09he turned back to Damien
37:12not happening
37:16then we all die
37:17his thumb moved
37:19Emilio lunged
37:21he of them hit the window
37:22behind them
37:23and went through it
37:23in a shower of glass
37:25and frame
37:25and night air
37:30Emilio
37:32silence
37:33then the night outside
37:35was just the ocean
37:36and the dark
37:37and the sound
37:38of my own breathing
37:39ragged
37:40and desperate
37:41I ran for the door
37:44they were both
37:45on the ground outside
37:47unconscious
37:49not moving
37:50Damien face down
37:51in the dirt
37:51Emilio on his back
37:53with his eyes closed
37:54and one arm thrown wide
37:55and glass in his hair
37:56I heard voices
37:58Serena
37:59Marco
37:59running toward me
38:00I dropped to my knees
38:02beside Emilio
38:06Emilio
38:06Emilio
38:07wake up
38:08we have to go
38:09Mia
38:10Marco was already
38:13beside me
38:13hands on Emilio's chest
38:15pressing and counting
38:16I sat there
38:18and held Emilio's hand
38:19and watched Marco's face
38:21and couldn't breathe
38:21come back
38:23come back
38:25come back
38:30Emilio coughed
38:31his chest heaved
38:32his eyes opened
38:35everyone
38:35let out a breath
38:36at the same time
38:38I'm okay
38:40we need to move
38:41he started to get up
38:43I helped him
38:44my hands shaking
38:45choppers ready
38:46this way
38:47Emilio stood
38:49unsteady
38:49and looked at Damien's
38:51limp body
38:53you go ahead
38:55I need to finish him
38:59I'm not leaving you
39:01you want to watch me
39:02shoot my own brother
39:04I don't care
39:07you're pregnant
39:08Mia
39:09go
39:09his voice was gentle
39:11but final
39:12the voice that meant
39:13he'd already decided
39:14promise you'll come
39:16I promise
39:17Serena took my arm
39:18I let her pull me away
39:20looking back over my shoulder
39:21at Emilio standing over
39:22his brother in the dark
39:23he didn't look back at me
39:24he was already somewhere else
39:26somewhere cold and necessary
39:27he's going to be fine
39:28he's Emilio Reyes
39:30we were 20 yards from the house
39:32then 30
39:33the helicopter was somewhere ahead
39:35its blades beginning to turn
39:36I kept walking
39:37he promised
39:38he promised
39:39he promised
39:43the world turned white
39:44the sound hit me a full second
39:46after the light
39:47a wall of pressure and noise
39:49that knocked me sideways
39:50Serena's grip tearing loose
39:52I turned around
39:54the house was on fire
39:55not catching fire
39:57already fire
39:58instant and total
39:59a column of flame
40:00reaching up into the dark sky
40:02the windows gone
40:03the roof already folding
40:04the air tasted like smoke
40:08I couldn't move
40:09Serena was saying something
40:11Marco was saying something
40:12the helicopter blades
40:14were louder now
40:14someone was pulling at my arm
40:16and I couldn't move
40:17because Emilio was in that house
40:19and he had promised
40:19and he was in that house
40:22the word came out of me
40:23like something being torn out
40:26Serena had both arms around me
40:27from behind
40:28holding me back
40:28I fought her
40:29I don't remember
40:31deciding to fight her
40:32my body just refused
40:33to go anywhere without him
40:38Marco was already running back
40:39toward the burning house
40:40calling into his radio
40:42I stopped fighting
40:43I just stood there
40:45in Serena's arms
40:46and watched the fire
40:47eat the house
40:48and felt the heat on my face
40:49and thought about a man
40:50in a study saying
40:51I listen to everything you say
40:53and a man in a corridor
40:54with his shoulder dropping
40:55and his body going through glass
40:56going through glass
40:58to keep a detonator
40:59out of his brother's hand
41:00going through glass for me
41:01the flames climbed higher
41:03the night was orange and black
41:05I pressed both hands
41:07over the small life inside me
41:09and I waited
41:09and I waited
41:11and I waited
41:12and no one came
41:15five months later
41:17that's what the subtitle would say
41:18if my life were a movie
41:19five months later
41:22a neat jump cut
41:24all the grief
41:25and the waiting
41:26and the nights
41:26I lay awake
41:27with one hand on my stomach
41:28and the other
41:29pressed to my mouth
41:29to keep quiet
41:30compressed into three words
41:32and a hard cut
41:33to a woman on a street corner
41:34in white gloves
41:36me
41:36I'm eight months pregnant
41:38and I'm wearing white gloves
41:39and I'm standing on a sidewalk
41:41watching a homeless man run
41:42he thinks he's running
41:44from the two cars
41:45that boxed him in
41:47he's not
41:49he's running from me
41:50the car door opens
41:53I step out
41:54Damien stops
41:56he looks older
41:57thinner
41:58five months on the street
41:59will do that
42:00five months knowing
42:01that the woman
42:02whose house you burnt out
42:03is carrying the air
42:03to the Reyes cartel
42:05and is looking for you
42:06that will do it too
42:07I pull off one gloves
42:09finger by finger
42:11hello brother-in-law
42:15my men take him
42:16before he can speak
42:19wait
42:19Mia
42:21we should talk
42:22yes
42:23we should
42:27the basement
42:28of the Reyes mansion
42:29is very quiet
42:30I had Diaz repaint it
42:32new lighting
42:33a good chair
42:34for me to sit in
42:35positioned at exactly
42:36the right distance
42:37I learned from the best
42:38after all
42:39I watched Emilio
42:40run this house
42:40for months
42:41I know how it's done
42:42I sit with my legs
42:44rapes crossed
42:44and my hands folded
42:46over my stomach
42:47and I watch two of my men
42:48work
42:50Damien screams
42:51he begs
42:52he says my name
42:53like it's a password
42:54that will open a door
42:55like some part of him
42:56still believes
42:56I'm the nursing student
42:57from the fast food restaurant
42:59who cried on a sofa
43:00and couldn't look
43:00Emilio in the eye
43:01I'm not her anymore
43:03make this stop
43:04please
43:05Mia
43:06I give the men a look
43:07they hit harder
43:08after a while
43:09I raise a hand
43:10and they stop
43:11the basement goes quiet
43:12except for Damien's
43:13raggled breathing
43:14and the distant sound
43:15of the city outside
43:16I stand up
43:17and walk over to him
43:21tell me where he is
43:24Damien looks up at me
43:25through blood
43:26his smile is still there
43:28somehow cracked
43:29and terrible
43:30come closer
43:32I'll tell you
43:36I leaned down
43:37his mouth was near my ear
43:39and I stayed perfectly still
43:40and waited
43:42he's rotting in hell
43:43just like you will be
43:45you stupid
43:46I straightened up
43:48I pulled the gun
43:49from the back of my waistband
43:52the one Diego had started
43:54leaving on my night state
43:55three months ago
43:56after the first two attempts
43:57on my life
43:58after I'd started running
43:59this operation alone
44:01and I shot Damien once
44:02he slumped
44:03I stood there for a moment
44:05and looked at him
44:06Emilio's brother
44:07the man who had built
44:08every trap I'd walked into
44:10the man who had burned down
44:11the house with Emilio inside it
44:12then I peeled off
44:14the other glove
44:15folded both of them together
44:16and walked out
44:20Diego was waiting
44:21in the Rorto
44:22with a package
44:22mail address to your name ma'am
44:24he held it out
44:25the label read
44:27Mia Espinoza
44:28I frowned
44:30I thought I changed
44:31my last name on everything
44:32could be from before
44:36I took it
44:40I opened it in the study
44:43a file
44:44legal documents
44:46a will
44:47notarized
44:47witness
44:48dated three months
44:49before Leshia died
44:50I read the first page
44:52and had to sit down
44:53100 million dollars
44:55her actual inheritance
44:56not the fabricated claws
44:58Amizio had invented
44:58to get me into his house
45:00the real thing
45:01the money she'd spent
45:02her life accumulating
45:03and had always meant
45:04to be to the niece
45:04she wrote letters to
45:05and called her girl
45:06where it all started
45:07I thought
45:08Diego stood near the door
45:11Mr. Reyes would have found you
45:12regardless of the inheritance
45:17sounds like him
45:19I turned to the last page
45:20and a small piece of paper
45:22fell out
45:22folded once
45:23the size of a fortune cookie slip
45:25I picked it up
45:26the handwriting was Emilio's
45:27I'd seen it on a hundred things
45:29notes
45:29contracts
45:30the margin of a book
45:31he'd left open on the kitchen counter
45:32I'd have known it anywhere
45:33it said
45:34love at first sight
45:35I sat there holding that small piece of paper
45:38for a long time
45:38then I pressed it against my chest
45:40and closed my eyes
45:41I'll find you Amirio Reyes
45:43wherever you are
45:47he was in Sicily
45:48I didn't know that yet
45:50I knew it the way you know things
45:52when you've been running someone's empire
45:53for five months
45:54and you've learned to read Diego's face
45:56there was somewhere he wouldn't look
45:57some piece of information
45:59that lived just behind
46:00his careful professional expression
46:02but he wouldn't tell me
46:03and I understood why
46:05Emilio had told him not to
46:07so I waited
46:08on a balcony overlooking the Mediterranean
46:11a man in a wheelchair watched the ocean
46:14he'd been watching it for weeks
46:16the light changed
46:17the water changed
46:19he watched it all with the patience
46:21of someone who has decided
46:22not to go anywhere until they're ready
46:24Serena flew to Sicily on a Tuesday
46:27she found him on the balcony
46:28thinner than she'd left him
46:30the ocean wind moving through his hair
46:32she dropped a photograph on his lap
46:34without greeting him first
46:35in the photo
46:36Damien
46:37dead
46:38Emilio picked up the photo
46:40looked at it for a long moment
46:41that's my girl
46:45she's gonna be pissed
46:46if you're not there
46:47when she gives birth
46:49I can't see her like this
46:51you could show up
46:52as a worm
46:53and she'd still love you
46:54I'm tired of lying
46:55to my best friend
46:56again
46:59she'll forgive you
47:00Serena ground
47:01and sat down
47:02on the low wall
47:03beside his chair
47:04the Mediterranean
47:04was the specific blue
47:06it gets in the late afternoon
47:07almost violet
47:08at the edges
47:09come back with me tomorrow
47:10I'm flying out in the morning
47:12no
47:14Emilio
47:15I'll return when I can stand
47:16on my own feet
47:18I want her to know
47:19I'm still the man
47:19who can protect her
47:21and our baby
47:22Serena stared at him
47:23for a long moment
47:24toxic masculinity
47:25from a cartel king
47:26who would've thought
47:27a beat
47:28you know you're kinda cute
47:30in a wheelchair
47:31don't let your bodyguard
47:32hear that
47:33he helps me to the bathroom
47:34Serena laughed
47:36a real laugh
47:36surprised out of her
47:38she stood up
47:38and kissed the top of his head
47:39don't take too long
47:41she walked out
47:44Emilio stayed on the balcony
47:46until the light was gone
47:49he reached into his pocket
47:51the ring was small
47:52and cold
47:53and familiar
47:54Mia's engagement ring
47:56the one she'd placed
47:57in his palm
47:58in the bedroom
47:58and walked away from
47:59he'd been carrying it
48:01since that night
48:01through the crash
48:02through the window
48:03through however many surgeries
48:05he didn't fully remember
48:06through the months
48:07of physical therapy
48:07on this balcony
48:08overlooking the sea
48:09he turned it in his fingers
48:11he thought about
48:12the night in the alley
48:13when he'd looked up
48:13from the pavement
48:14and seen a woman
48:14he'd never met
48:15pressing gons to his chest
48:16and telling him to stop moving
48:17or he'd bleed more
48:18he'd been half dead
48:19and delirious
48:20and he thought
48:20I know you
48:21I don't know you yet
48:22but I know you
48:22Lietia had talked about her
48:24for years
48:24her niece
48:25the nursing student
48:27the girl who sent letters
48:28and called every Sunday
48:29and had her mother's stubbornness
48:30and her own fierce
48:31particular kindness
48:33he'd carried the shape
48:34of her before he knew
48:35her face
48:35he closed his hand
48:37around the ring
48:37I'm coming back
48:38to you Mia
48:39the ocean was dark now
48:41the stars were coming out
48:43one by one
48:43over Sicily
48:45I'm coming back
48:50two months later
48:51I thought giving birth
48:52at home would be easier
48:53I was wrong
48:54it's never easy
48:56I hate you
48:57I hate you
48:58Emilio Reyes
49:00almost there
49:00one more push
49:01I hate you
49:03I pushed
49:04the world split open
49:06and then there was a sound
49:07small and indignant
49:09and completely certain
49:10of itself
49:11and the doctor
49:12was saying something
49:13I couldn't hear
49:13and someone was crying
49:15and I thought
49:15it might be me
49:16ma'am
49:17you need to stay with us
49:18you haven't seen your baby
49:19but I'm just so tired
49:21I was tired in a way
49:22I had never been tired before
49:24down into the marrow
49:25my body suddenly hollow
49:27and enormous
49:27at the same time
49:28stay
49:29stay
49:29you have to stay
49:30my eyes closed
49:32someone said my name
49:33I tried to hold on
49:34then
49:35at the edge of the light
49:36a silhouette appeared
49:37in the doorway
49:38not Diego
49:39not Serena
49:41not a doctor
49:42a silhouette that moved
49:44the way only one person
49:45in my life
49:46had ever moved
49:49he was standing
49:50on his own feet
49:50that was the first thing
49:51I registered
49:52not that he was there
49:53not even that he was alive
49:54but that he was standing
49:55on his own two feet
49:56in the doorway
49:57of my hospital room
49:58wearing clothes
49:59I didn't recognize
50:00thinner than I remembered
50:01with a look on his face
50:02that I had no word for
50:03Mia
50:03my name in his voice
50:05I had been so tired
50:06a moment ago
50:07the darkness had been
50:08pulling me down
50:08and I had been letting it
50:09because I didn't have
50:10anything left to fight with
50:11but my eyes opened
50:14Emilio
50:14he crossed the room
50:16he dropped to his knees
50:17beside the bed
50:17he took my face in both hands
50:19and pressed his forehead to mine
50:20I felt him shaking
50:21this man who never shook
50:21who never showed anything
50:22who had spent 32 years
50:23building a wall around himself
50:24and had spent 6 months
50:25tearing it down for me
50:26he was shaking
50:27somewhere behind him
50:28a baby was crying
50:29our baby
50:29hours
50:30you came
50:31I told you I was coming back
50:33outside the hospital window
50:34the city was beginning
50:35its ordinary morning
50:36entirely aware
50:37that something fundamental
50:37had just changed
50:38inside I closed my eyes
50:40and held on to him
50:41and listened to the small
50:42indignant perfect sound
50:43of our daughter
50:43announcing herself to the world
50:45we were here
50:45both of us
50:46finally
50:50this is what I know
50:51I know that love
50:52is not the clean
50:53safe thing
50:53I thought it would be
50:54when I was 22
50:55and working at a fast food counter
50:56and keeping a wish list
50:58of what my life
50:58was supposed to become
50:59I thought love would feel
51:00like arriving somewhere
51:01I thought it would be
51:02warm and certain
51:03and uncomplicated
51:05it is none of those things
51:08it is a man
51:09pressing gauze
51:09to a wound
51:10in a back room
51:12it is a ring
51:12in a palm
51:13and a door closing
51:14and a house
51:15going up in flames
51:17it is five months
51:18of running an empire
51:19I didn't ask for
51:21learning the weight
51:22of a gun
51:22and the patience
51:23required to wait
51:24for someone
51:24who promised
51:25to come back
51:26he is not a good man
51:27in the simple sense
51:28I know what he runs
51:30and what it costs
51:31and I have made my peace
51:32with the distance
51:33between who he is
51:34out there
51:34and who he is
51:35in this room
51:37holding our daughter
51:38like she's the most
51:38fragile and important
51:40thing he's ever
51:40been handed
51:41he is sitting in the chair
51:42beside my bed
51:43and she is asleep
51:44on his chest
51:44and he is not looking
51:45at anything in the room
51:46except her
51:47she has his dark eyes
51:48she has already
51:50even at one day old
51:51a particular expression
51:52of absolute conviction
51:53that I recognize
51:54from watching him
51:55walk into rooms
51:55I saved a man
51:57in an alley once
51:58I was 22
51:59and afraid
51:59and I had no idea
52:01what I was saving him into
52:02best mistake
52:03I ever made
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