- 4 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:0898 degrees the AC in my room died this morning just gave out I hate this house the way it
00:17is
00:17now anyway I hate the day mom married Kevin and packed him and his quiet 30 another son into my
00:23life two years now every wrong thing under this roof started that day too hot to think
00:35I've kicked off my shorts a tank strap slipping off my shoulder and flopped back on the bed to call
00:43her
00:53mom my AC's broken I'm melting up here her end is all rattling carts and store announcements
01:00I know I know I'm at the store back soon have your brother look at it
01:10your brother those two words set me off but my brain won't listen it pulls him up before I can
01:17stop it he does HVAC fixes AC lines and pipes all day always slick with sweat last week in the
01:25kitchen
01:26head tipped back chugging ice water his throat working with every swallow a drop running down
01:33his jaw to his collar pine the muscle in his forearm bunching tight as he cranked a valve I press
01:40my
01:40thighs together and hate myself the second I do I hate him I really do so what the hell is
01:49this
01:49downstairs the front door clicks open the stairs grown step by step under someone much heavier than
01:57me that's when I remember what I'm wearing I lunge for the shorts on my chair too late the door
02:05swings
02:05open Samir work pants gray tank soaked through and clean every line of his chest and stomach right
02:13there toolbox in hand the hair at his forehead damp in strands I should look away I don't my eyes
02:22dragged
02:22down on their own his slick chest his tensed forearms and finally see something you like his voice comes
02:31out rough the corner of his mouth tipping up caught heat shoots all the way to my ears I ripped
02:38the
02:38blanket up over myself who's looking at you don't flatter yourself he doesn't look away the smirk only
02:46deepens his throat moves once the AC he steps in drops the toolbox and looks down at me curled up
02:54small
02:55where is it over there I jerk my chin at the unit in the corner and pull the blanket tighter
03:03he doesn't
03:04move right away first those heavy eyes drag over me then he comes the unit sits high on the wall
03:13above
03:13my headboard my bed right under it the room small and a man his size only makes it smaller he
03:22takes
03:22one look and frowns get down why should I dig my heels in though it sounds hollow the moment it's
03:29out
03:30two years and this is all I know how to do with him bristle jab pushback mom remarried he and
03:38Kevin moved
03:39in and the house stopped being just hers and mine I came home for the summer wanting some quiet and
03:47now
03:47I share even my breathing room with this stranger I can dodge him for an afternoon not for the long
03:54line of summers after he doesn't argue one knee on the edge of the bed and he stretches up toward
04:01the
04:01unit I shrink into the corner but the beds only so big as he leans the soaped gray tank brushes
04:09my shin heat sweat that sun warmed smell of him all of it crashing over me at once his arm
04:15works a
04:15screw overhead the muscle bunching and releasing inches from my face I hold my breath I don't dare
04:21move no one's downstairs mom's still at the store the whole house is quiet just my sun-baked bedroom
04:27door shut sealed off from the rest of the world the thought sends a hotter prickle up my back up
04:33here
04:33door closed whatever happens no one below would know move over he says low his elbow pressing toward
04:41me there's nowhere to go his hip is against my drawn-up knees I'm wedged between him and the wall
04:46half of me pressed to his side I told you I can't get away from you he says glancing down
04:54his throat
04:54moving goes both ways he turns it a few times swears says the wiring's fried the whole thing has to
05:04come
05:04apart the minutes crawl the room's hot enough to swim in the two of us crammed into this scrap of
05:09space neither one talking my back's to the wall half of me against his sweat damp side the sweat glues
05:15us together skin to skin impossible to peel apart I should be disgusted I'm not I can feel the muscle
05:22in
05:22his side tighten with every turn of the screw that strength soaking through a thin film of sweat into
05:27my skin sinking low in my belly a picture rises before I can stop it if that hand weren't reaching
05:33for a screw overhead but sliding down my waist instead I kill the thought my face burns I hate
05:39him I think of the wedding day him standing there cold not even a hello two years ago I swore
05:45I'd never
05:45go soft for this man not once and right now my thighs are clamping together on their own
05:51the wet heat there is impossible to hide slick sticky mortifying it's the weather I lie to myself
05:58that's all just the heat irritated I try to shift to find room to breathe my knee moves and by
06:06accident
06:06grazes the inside of his thigh his hands stop the whole room goes still Becca his voice drops to gravel
06:14it travels straight down my ear into my spine you'd better not move I don't listen my heart slamming
06:21and something hotter than hate eggs me on I push out again elbow digging into his side on purpose the
06:26next second his free hand clamps down on my waist a hand big enough to span half of it too
06:31strong to
06:31fight and it hauls me back against him my gasp jams in my throat my back hits his scalding sweat
06:37damp
06:37chest his heartbeat through two thin layers of cotton slams into my spine once again
06:48I keep my voice down and claw at the arm locked across my waist it's cast iron it doesn't give
06:54I should break free drive an elbow into him call him a creep bolt downstairs but my body betrays me
07:01it sinks into him fitting against every scalding inch of him
07:04I can feel his breathing turn rough his chest rising and falling at my back
07:11he grunts my elbow jabbing his stomach and in the scramble
07:14quit it
07:16I won't give in and I'm even more scared he sees through me so I open my mouth for another
07:21jab
07:21nothing comes out his free hand lifts and closes around the front of my throat
07:26not hard but sure steady tipping the back of my head into the hollow of his shoulder
07:32every drop of blood in me runs cold then floods back scalding
07:38two years of fighting of cutting each other to the bone and he never once touched me
07:44but now his palm cradles my throat his thumb on the pulse going wild there
07:49and I'm not afraid being held completely in his hand helpless in his grip
07:55it turns me to water
07:58I'm in the same hell you are
08:00his mouth is at my ear his breath hot and horsey each word brended in
08:04but you are going to hold still
08:08his breath fans against the side of my face
08:10no more squirming
08:12no more little whimpers making it worse
08:14the hand on my throat tightens a fraction
08:16you hear me?
08:17I try to nod
08:18only then does he ease off
08:20I guilt for air
08:21my heart wild enough to leap out of my chest
08:26for a long stretch I stay curled against him
08:28not daring to move
08:29his arm stays locked around my waist
08:31never once loosening
08:32and his thumb
08:33against the damp curve of my side moves slow
08:35up then down
08:36up then down
08:37every drag of it sends a current sliding down to the small of my back
08:41I clamp my thighs tighter
08:42and it only makes the want sharper
08:44I want more
08:46the thought scares me
08:48that's when downstairs the front door clicks open
08:51I'm home!
08:52Rebecca!
08:54did your brother go up to fix your AC?
08:56no!
08:57no he didn't!
08:58I call down
08:59forcing my voice into its usual annoyance
09:01he's probably off slacking somewhere again
09:03a beat of quiet below
09:04let me come up and look at it
09:06you can't sit in this heat
09:07the staircase creaks
09:09taking mom's weight
09:10one step
09:11my blood goes to ice
09:13I claw at his arm
09:17let go
09:17she's coming up
09:18let go of me
09:19he doesn't
09:20worse
09:21the hand that's been resting at my waist
09:24slides painfully slow down the line of my hip
09:26over my stomach
09:27over the dip of my hip bone
09:29lower still
09:30until it settles squarely over me
09:31through the thin fabric
09:32already soaked with sweat
09:33and something else
09:34my whole body bows tight
09:35a sharp high sound rushes up my throat
09:37I bite down on my lip
09:39and swallow it
09:39second stare
09:40creak
09:41he bends his head
09:42nose against my scalding ear
09:43and through the soaked fabric
09:45his palm grinds down on me
09:46not soft
09:47not hard
09:47once
09:50soaked like this
09:52and still lying that no one came up
09:54he breathes
09:55low and filthy
09:58Samir
09:58it comes out a plea
10:00my voice in pieces
10:01please
10:02my mom
10:02his thumb presses again
10:04dragging a winner out of me
10:05before I can swallow it
10:06the hand doesn't move from where it is
10:08scared now
10:08third step
10:09mom's voice is closer
10:10Becca
10:12why's the door locked from the inside
10:13he looks down at me
10:15held completely in his hand
10:16every breath a luxury now
10:18his eyes lit with something that makes me dizzy
10:20he leans to my ear
10:22word by word
10:24so how about
10:25you let your mom
10:26see exactly what you look like
10:29right now
10:38Becca
10:39why is this locked from the inside
10:45his palm is still on me
10:46grinding in that slow
10:47punishing way
10:48that has me shaking all over
10:49his breath brushes my ear
10:51answer her
10:54I'm changing
10:55I call out
10:56my voice in pieces
10:58it's too hot
10:59I'm not dressed
11:00don't come in mom
11:01god this heat
11:03hurry up then
11:04come down and eat
11:04I got sandwiches
11:05and cold pasta salad
11:07step by step
11:08the stairs let her go
11:10soon there's the rustle of plastic bags
11:12the fridge opening and closing
11:14the threat ebbs
11:15I slump back against him
11:17ringed out
11:18gulping air
11:18furious and humiliated
11:20my eyes burning
11:21you're insane
11:21you actually would have
11:22he doesn't answer
11:24and he doesn't do what I expect
11:25doesn't let go and retreat behind the wall we've spent two years building
11:29he just holds me
11:30chin on my shoulder
11:31silent for a long time
11:33long enough that I can hear the fridge humming downstairs
11:36then he says it
11:37low
11:37without a trace of his usual sneer
11:40I don't want to let go
11:42I go rigid
11:43I twist around to look at him
11:46two years
11:48and I know every cruel thing he's ever said to me
11:51this wasn't a joke
11:52not even close
11:56we stay frozen like that
11:58downstairs
11:59mom's putting groceries away
12:01humming something tuneless
12:03the AC's still dead
12:04the heat lying thick on my skin
12:06but the heat running through me
12:08stopped being the weather a while ago
12:11I've been locked against him too long
12:13wound too tight
12:14now my lower back and the tops of my thighs start to cramp
12:17a deep dragging ache
12:19like the heaviness before my period
12:21I shift in small movements
12:22trying to work it loose
12:24don't move
12:25he says
12:26low
12:26but it's not his usual impatience
12:29it's horsey
12:31careful
12:32something I've never heard from him
12:34I shift again
12:35can't help it
12:37a small noun escapes
12:40both his thumbs have come to rest on the outsides of my thighs
12:43kneading slow
12:44back and forth
12:45the touch lifts every hair on me
12:47but the ache is worse
12:48I bite my lip and admit it
12:51my lower back
12:52and where my legs meet
12:54tense too long
12:55it aches
12:56I want to stretch
12:58but you're pinning me
12:59I can't move
13:02his hands pause on my legs
13:05bring your knees
13:07his voice drops lower
13:10up onto the bed
13:14I twist around to glare at him
13:16red faced and lost
13:18Neil?
13:19Neil, how?
13:21he pats the narrow space along his thighs
13:22feet here
13:24then taps the mattress in front of me
13:27knees here
13:28when it hits me what he's asking
13:30my face goes up in flames
13:31but the ache is unbearable
13:33and somehow I do it
13:34his hands settle on my hips
13:35and guide me forward
13:36easing my feet up one at a time
13:38knees spreading
13:38by the time I catch up
13:39I'm straddling his lap
13:40with my back to him
13:41a position so shameful
13:42my toes curl
13:43lean back
13:45he draws me against his chest
13:48head
13:50back on my shoulder
13:50my throat's dry
13:51and I obey without knowing why
13:53the back of my head
13:54finds the hollow of his shoulder
13:55my whole spine
13:56rising and falling
13:57against his scalding
13:59sweat damp chest
14:00his hands lock on my hips
14:01and slowly he bears down
14:02lifting my lower body
14:03arching it back
14:04into a deep bow
14:05inch by inch
14:06my whole torso pulls open
14:07the ache I've held for so long
14:09lets go all at once
14:10so good my eyes well up
14:12a long moan slips out
14:14before I can stop it
14:19he curses low behind my ear
14:21his nose bearing into the side of my neck
14:23dragging once
14:24hard
14:25his breathing goes racked
14:26his hands press in harder
14:28deepening the arch
14:29once
14:29twice
14:30open
14:30release
14:31each one melts the ache
14:32into something else
14:33burning up from the base of my spine
14:36we hold it for almost a minute
14:38before the arms carrying me
14:40start to shake
14:42I'm smaller than him
14:43but I'm no slip of a girl
14:46holding me up in midair like this
14:48would wear anyone down
14:50I'm better now
14:51a lie
14:52my face burns
14:53he grunts
14:54and lowers me back onto his lap
14:55but his hands don't leave my hips
14:57I know exactly what it means
14:59still straddling him back turned
15:01and for some reason
15:02neither of us moves to fix it
15:03two years of fighting
15:05and this is the longest
15:06we've ever sat together
15:07without tearing each other apart
15:09that alone unsettles me
15:10thanks
15:11I say it at last
15:13barely a whisper
15:14he hums
15:16the stubble on his jaw
15:17drags across my cheek with it
15:18and a fine melting tingle
15:20races up my spine
15:21I know I have to push it down
15:23pretend I didn't feel it
15:26downstairs mom's still busy
15:27in the kitchen
15:28humming off key
15:29his long fingers
15:30in time with every breath
15:32breath I take
15:32slowly tighten on my hips
15:34the heavy ache starts pulsing back
15:37I can't help squirming
15:39still hurts
15:42sorry
15:44he hesitates
15:45then his hands come slowly around
15:46from my sides
15:47to the front of me
15:48drop your back down
15:51the rasp in his voice impossible to hide now
15:54lift your hips a little
15:57he pushes my tank up
15:59and slides both hands
16:00into my shorts
16:01his squirting thumbs
16:02find the two aching knots
16:03at the base of my spine
16:04and press in
16:05steady
16:06grinding down
16:07in slow circles
16:08my lips tremble
16:09I suck in a breath
16:10and a moan
16:11I can't hold
16:11pills out
16:12his thumbs circle
16:13leaning in harder
16:14grinding the stiff ache loose
16:15inch by inch
16:16I clamp down on my tongue
16:17downstairs
16:18the tap is running
16:19mom washing the produce
16:20please god
16:21she heard nothing
16:22he stills for a few seconds
16:23then he knees deeper
16:25faster
16:25his hands spreading wider
16:27outward
16:27downward
16:28my hips move with his rhythm
16:30on their own
16:30his thumbs are too close enough
16:32to turn me to water
16:33in that place
16:34with every circle of his hands
16:35betrays me
16:36getting hotter and hotter
16:37Samir
16:39his name comes out wrecked
16:41soft and clinging
16:42pleasure spreads in waves
16:44from where his fingers press
16:45melting every ache out of me
16:46I bite my lips between my teeth
16:48and strangle the next moan
16:50in my throat
16:50terrified they'll hear downstairs
16:52below
16:53the water surges louder
16:55and mom calls up
16:56just a few more minutes
16:58drowning out every sound
16:59I don't dare make
17:00and under that cover
17:02his hands the slides
17:03one inch lower
17:06his breathing changes too
17:07especially the moment
17:08he buries his face
17:09in the curve of my neck
17:10lips against my skin
17:11every hair on my nace
17:12stands up
17:13my whole spine shivers
17:14with that melting tingle
17:14then suddenly
17:15he pulls his hands
17:16out of my shorts
17:17a small lost whimper
17:18leaks out of me
17:19before I can stop it
17:19the next second
17:20I want to disappear
17:21into the floor
17:21oh god
17:22he was just being decent
17:23for once
17:24working out a cramp
17:25and there I was
17:27panting and windering
17:28under his hands
17:29making those sounds
17:30I must have scared him off
17:32this silence stretches
17:34my heart still pounding
17:36over his hands
17:37over the mouth
17:38he'd press to my neck
17:39I get ready to pull away
17:41ready to say something ugly
17:43and that's when
17:44Samir's fingers
17:45hook the edge of my shorts
17:46and tug
17:47one inch down
17:48his warm mouth
17:49grazes my ear
17:51good girl
17:52he breathes
17:53low and rough
17:54lift your hips
17:55for me again
17:57good girl
17:59lift your hips
18:00for me again
18:00the words land
18:01somewhere deep inside me
18:03I squeeze my eyes shut
18:05trying to quiet
18:06my racing heart
18:07and instead
18:08I just obey
18:09lifting my hips
18:10shaking
18:13downstairs
18:13mom's voice
18:14suddenly rises
18:20it hits like a bucket
18:21of ice water
18:22over my head
18:23Samir goes rigid
18:24and I snap awake
18:26what am I doing
18:27my mom just got home
18:29she's right downstairs
18:30and here I am
18:31in my own room
18:31straddling my stepbrother
18:33lifting my hips
18:33because he told me to
18:34shame torches through me
18:36I shove his hands off
18:37scramble off his lap
18:39yank my shorts up
18:40not daring to look back
18:41I'm going down
18:42Becca
18:43he says behind me
18:44I don't stop
18:45but just before I pull
18:46the door open
18:47I look back at him
18:48after all
18:48he's on the wrecked bed
18:49chest heaving
18:50hair soaked
18:51eyes burning into me
18:52not a trace of the usual sneer
18:54just something scorching
18:55cut off mid breath
18:56I flee
18:58straight down the stairs
19:00I don't taste a single bite
19:04of that lunch
19:05across from me
19:06mom rattles on
19:08the store had a sale
19:09the neighbor's news
19:10why is your brother
19:12so quiet today
19:12I murmur back
19:14my whole heart still stuck
19:16in that burning room
19:16upstairs
19:18Samir sits at the other end
19:19eating with his head down
19:21silent
19:21but I can feel it
19:23every time mom looks away
19:25his eyes land on me
19:26heavy
19:27hot enough that I can
19:29barely hold my fork
19:30oh
19:31I have to go help your aunt
19:32move some things this afternoon
19:33she's swamped
19:34Becca you rest at home
19:35okay
19:36Samir
19:37you're home this afternoon
19:39if the AC's still not fixed
19:40call someone
19:41don't let your sister roast
19:43my grip on the fork jumps
19:45afternoon
19:46house
19:46just the two of us
19:48my head snaps up
19:49right into his eyes
19:50looking at me past my mother
19:51he says nothing
19:52just the faintest tip of his mouth
19:54aimed at me
19:55and the string in me
19:56that just snapped
19:56pulls tight again
19:57humming
20:01the second mom's out the door
20:03the house goes so quiet
20:05there's nothing left
20:05but my own heartbeat
20:09I shut myself in my room
20:10back to the door
20:12telling myself I'm going nowhere
20:13and opening for no one
20:16this morning's madness
20:17never happened
20:18I hate him
20:19I have to remember
20:20I hate him
20:21but my body won't obey
20:23just remembering
20:25the heat of his palm
20:26that good girl
20:27and my legs start to give again
20:28the stairs crack
20:30step by step
20:31taking the weight
20:32I can't escape
20:34the footsteps
20:34stop outside my door
20:37open up
20:38his voice comes through the wood
20:40low
20:41rough
20:41leaving no room to refuse
20:43no
20:45I brace against the door
20:46but my voice is laughably thin
20:48go away
20:49I hate you
20:52a beat of silence outside
20:55Becca
20:56his voice drops to almost nothing
20:58each word like it's spoken
20:59against my ear
21:00the way you looked this morning
21:03didn't look like hate
21:05my face goes up in flames
21:06my heart slamming
21:07till it aches
21:09I stare at my own hand
21:11on the lock
21:13watch it
21:13beyond my control
21:16slowly turn it open
21:21the instant the door gives
21:23he's through it
21:25I step back
21:26he steps in
21:27and in three strides
21:29he's backs me into the corner
21:31one hand braced on the wall
21:33by my head
21:33caging me between him
21:35and the plaster
21:36heat
21:37sweat
21:38that scent
21:38that's only his
21:39everywhere
21:44what you didn't finish saying
21:45this morning
21:46he bends down
21:47nose nearly to mine
21:48his breath scalding
21:49say it now
21:51say
21:51say what
21:52whether you hate me
21:54he cuts me off
21:55a certainty in his voice
21:57that lifts every hair on me
21:59look at me
22:00and say it
22:04I lift my eyes to his
22:06two years of resentment
22:07every I'm fine
22:08I ever fed my mother
22:09and this morning's surrender
22:11I die before admitting
22:12all of it jams in my throat
22:13the word comes out
22:15shaking apart
22:16I
22:16he waits
22:17eyes locked on me
22:18without a blink
22:19the hand on the wall
22:19corded with tension
22:20I close my eyes
22:22and let it go
22:22the truth I've held
22:23for two years
22:24and the last of my dignity
22:25with it
22:26I don't know
22:27I hear my own voice tremble
22:28I just know
22:29don't let go again
22:30his breath catches
22:32the next second
22:34he's kissing me
22:34pressing me into the wall
22:39Becca
22:40you got my keys
22:41are they on the entry table
22:42we both freeze
22:44his mouth still on mine
22:46my fists still in his tank
22:47both of us breathing hard
22:49chest against rising chest
22:51one wall
22:52and one staircase
22:53away
22:54my mother's ordinary
22:55afternoon voice
22:56knowing nothing
22:57it cracks through me
22:59like thunder
22:59jolting me out of the heat
23:00that was about to swallow
23:01me whole
23:03I shove him off
23:04frantically fixing my clothes
23:06and my breath
23:06my voice shaking
23:08as I call down
23:09they're on the entry table
23:11just grab them mom
23:13got them
23:14okay I'm off
23:17the whole house sinks back
23:19into scalding silence
23:20I lean against the wall
23:22legs too weak to hold me
23:23and look up at him
23:24he's looking back
23:25and what's churning in his eyes
23:27burns hotter than the 98 degree day
23:30neither of us says a word
23:32but we both know
23:33that near miss
23:34one wall away
23:35didn't put us out
23:36it lit something for good
23:39the summer's only just begun
23:42and this door of mine
23:43will never quite shut again
23:48that night at dinner
23:49I can barely sit still
23:50the AC finally got fixed
23:52that afternoon
23:53the four of us around the table
23:54mom on my left
23:55busy topping off
23:56everyone's plate
23:57Kevin across from me
23:58head down over his food
23:59and Samir right at my side
24:01on the surface
24:02everything's normal
24:03mom rattles on
24:04about the neighbors
24:05Kevin grunts now and then
24:06some dull Reroy playing
24:07in the background
24:08I stare at my plate
24:09trying to look like I have
24:10at every meal for two years
24:11at war with the stepbrother
24:13beside me
24:13too disdainful
24:14to spare him a glance
24:15but under the tablecloth
24:16it's another world
24:17his hand has settled on my knee
24:18my fork stops in midair
24:20I try to brush him off
24:21without a flicker on my face
24:22he doesn't budge
24:23his palm is hot enough
24:25to feel through my dress
24:27slowly
24:27he slides it
24:28an inch up my thigh
24:30oh
24:31mom speaks up
24:32and I nearly come out
24:33of my chair
24:33is the AC all sorted
24:35did your brother do okay
24:36up there
24:37in that exact second
24:38his hand climbs another
24:39half inch
24:40stops high on my thigh
24:41and presses down with meaning
24:42like he knows precisely
24:44what he's doing to me
24:45I grip my fork
24:46and force my voice flat
24:47as dead water
24:48hmm
24:48it's fine
24:50passable
24:52passable
24:52Samir's coughs beside me
24:54cold as if we're actually
24:55fighting
24:55not even turning his head
24:56still as ungrateful as ever
24:58above the table
24:59were still the step siblings
25:00who can't share a room
25:01beneath it
25:02his thumb grinds
25:03slow circles
25:04into the inside of my thigh
25:06through the dress
25:06I stab at something
25:08and shove it in my mouth
25:09without tasting it
25:10my face is burning
25:11I gulp water to put it out
25:13but my throat's bone dry
25:15I set down my fork
25:16my voice unsteady
25:18mom
25:19I'll go get something to drink
25:21I'm practically fleeing
25:22as I stand
25:24and as I turn for the kitchen
25:26I see it clearly
25:27Samir
25:28in no hurry at all
25:29setting down his fork too
25:33a half wall counter
25:34separates the kitchen
25:35from the dining room
25:36back to the doorway
25:38I grip the counter
25:38shut my eyes
25:40and breathe deep
25:40trying to push down
25:41the heat in my face
25:43and the chaos in my chest
25:45behind me
25:46the floor gives the
25:47flattest creak
25:47before I can turn
25:49two hands brace
25:50the counter's edge
25:51caging me between
25:51him and the counter
25:53his chest against my back
25:55his chin on my shoulder
25:56his voice barely there
25:58breath brushing my ear
25:59running from what
26:01you're insane
26:02I grip the counter
26:03hardly daring to make a sound
26:05you're right there
26:07one ball away
26:08I know
26:09he laughs low
26:09the vibration traveling
26:11down my spine into me
26:12he touches nothing else
26:13just drags his nose
26:14painfully slow
26:15over the skin behind my ear
26:17so you'll have to hold it in
26:18same as under the table
26:20just now
26:21every drop of blood in me
26:22rushes to my face
26:23from the living room
26:24the TV
26:25the on and off murmur
26:26of mom and Kevin
26:27drifts over clear as day
26:28close enough that
26:30one lifted head
26:30one turns
26:32my breath shakes
26:35he leans closer
26:36pressing me into
26:37the cold counter's edge
26:39his voice full of
26:40knowing amusement
26:42shaking like this
26:44are you scared of
26:45getting caught
26:46he pauses
26:48we're scared I'll stop
26:50I can't answer
26:52because I don't have
26:53an answer to either
26:54from the dining room
26:55comes the scrape
26:56of a chair leg
26:57on the floor
27:00mom calls
27:01the drinks are on
27:02the bottom shelf
27:02of the fridge
27:03can't you find them
27:04we both go still
27:08found found them
27:09I blurt it
27:10squeezing out
27:11from between him
27:11and the counter
27:12yanking open
27:13the bottom shelf
27:13grabbing two
27:14sparkling waters
27:15at random
27:16only when the cold
27:17bottles hit my
27:18scalding palms
27:19do I get a sliver
27:20of my mind back
27:23Samir steps back
27:25unhurried
27:26and pulls a beer
27:27from the fridge
27:28as if he weren't
27:29the one who just
27:30had me prin to the
27:30counter
27:32I carry the water
27:33back to the table
27:34my legs still
27:36unsteady
27:36but this time
27:38mom doesn't pick
27:39her chatter back up
27:41she sets down
27:42her forks
27:43and look between
27:43me and Samir
27:45from my flushed face
27:46to the faint mark
27:47on the side of his neck
27:48I only now notices
27:49left there at some
27:51point I can't place
27:52you too
27:52she says slowly
27:54her tone impossible
27:55to read
27:55why aren't you
27:56fighting today
27:58the air locks
27:59Kevin looks up too
28:00my heart pounds
28:01in my ears
28:02two years
28:03and we've never
28:03had a quiet meal
28:04at this table
28:05today's silence
28:06is the biggest
28:06tell of all
28:07fight about what
28:08Samir says it first
28:09flat as if he's
28:10remarking on the weather
28:13can't be bothered
28:13with her
28:16exactly
28:16I jump in
28:17chin up
28:18packing every ounce
28:19of panic
28:19into the familiar jab
28:21like I'd want
28:22to talk to him
28:23mom watches us
28:25for a long time
28:28then she smiles
28:29and picks her fork
28:30back up
28:31good
28:32we're family
28:34no need
28:35to be at each other's
28:36throats all the time
28:37but the moment
28:38she looks down
28:38I catch Kevin's eyes
28:40he says nothing
28:41just lingers
28:42a thoughtful second
28:43on that faint mark
28:44on his son's neck
28:44under the table
28:46Samir's knee
28:46bumps mine
28:47very lightly
28:48as if to say
28:49careful
28:49and also
28:51this isn't over
28:54that night
28:55I can't sleep
28:55turning over
28:57and over
28:57not just from
28:58the unspent
28:59restlessness
29:00humming under
29:00my skin
29:01all night
29:01from mom's
29:02look at the table
29:03and Kevin's
29:04one second
29:05pause
29:05two fine
29:07needles
29:07in the softest
29:08part of my chest
29:09I start thinking
29:10things I've never
29:11let myself think
29:14what if we get caught
29:19to marry Kevin
29:20mom rebuilt
29:21her whole life
29:22from when I was 16
29:24sold the old house
29:25moved to this strange city
29:27learned at 40
29:28to be a newlywed again
29:30so carefully
29:31she tried to weld
29:32two families
29:32into one home
29:34and here I am
29:35planting a bomb
29:36under it
29:37in the most
29:37unforgivable way
29:38there is
29:40I hate Samir
29:41that's what I've
29:42told myself
29:43and told my mother
29:44for two years
29:45now
29:46I finally see it
29:48that
29:49hate
29:50was laced
29:50with something else
29:51from the start
29:54I hated him
29:55barging in
29:56because I couldn't
29:57stop looking at him
29:59I went toe to toe
30:00with him
30:00because it was
30:01the only way
30:01I dared get close
30:03I dressed up
30:04my wanting
30:05as loathing
30:05and kept it up
30:06for two whole years
30:07until I nearly
30:08believed it myself
30:10in the hall
30:11the floor creaks
30:14my doorknob turns
30:16very lightly
30:17locked
30:19then a small
30:20folded note
30:21slides in
30:23under the door
30:25barefoot
30:26I slip off the bed
30:27pick it up
30:28unfold it
30:29in the moonlight
30:34Samir's handwriting
30:35one line
30:37they're both out
30:38tomorrow
30:38all day
30:39I hold the note
30:40standing on the
30:41cold floor
30:42my heart nearly
30:43bursting through
30:44my chest
30:45outside
30:46not a breath
30:47of summer wind
30:48and I know
30:49perfectly clearly
30:52tomorrow
30:53I won't
30:54lock the door
30:54by early the next
30:55morning
30:56the house is empty
30:57mom and Kevin
30:58head out with their
30:59bags
30:59to help my aunt
31:00move
31:00on the way
31:01mom pokes her
31:02head up the stairs
31:03sort out your own
31:04lunch
31:04there's food
31:05in the fridge
31:05then the garage
31:06door rumbles
31:07down
31:08and the engine
31:09fades
31:09then the whole
31:10house is quiet
31:11enough that all
31:12that's left
31:12is my own
31:13breathing
31:15I don't lock
31:16the door
31:18I lie on the bed
31:19staring at the
31:20ceiling
31:21and hear his
31:22door open
31:23downstairs
31:24footsteps
31:25step by step
31:26climbing slow
31:27stopping outside
31:28mine
31:28the knob
31:30turns
31:30it opens
31:32Samir stands
31:33in the doorway
31:33backlit by the
31:35window
31:35and looks at me
31:36a long time
31:37neither of us
31:38speaks
31:39two years of
31:40friction
31:40last night's
31:41note
31:42the empty
31:42house silence
31:44all of it
31:45pressed into
31:45these few
31:46steps between
31:46us
31:47come here
31:48I hear myself
31:50say it
31:50soft
31:51but without
31:52a shred
31:53of hesitation
31:57he crosses
31:58to me
31:58sits on the
31:59end of the
31:59bed
31:59and tucks
32:00a damp
32:00strand of
32:01hair
32:01behind my
32:01ear
32:03a gesture
32:04too gentle
32:05to be his
32:06eyes
32:07I thought
32:07about it
32:08all night
32:08I look
32:09at him
32:10and finish
32:10the sentence
32:11I've hidden
32:11for two
32:11years
32:13I don't
32:14hate you
32:15I never
32:15really did
32:18his throat
32:18works
32:19he leans
32:20down
32:20forehead
32:21to mine
32:22our breaths
32:23tangling
32:24same
32:26his voice
32:27is almost
32:27too
32:28hosky
32:28to hear
32:29from the
32:30day you
32:30stood at
32:31that wedding
32:31at 16
32:32and glared
32:33at me
32:33I was
32:33done
32:33for
32:36he kisses
32:37me
32:39this time
32:40there are
32:40no footsteps
32:41below
32:41no voice
32:42about to
32:42call us
32:43no threat
32:44waiting to
32:44puncture
32:44everything
32:46just a
32:47room full
32:47of summer
32:47light
32:48and two
32:49people who
32:49don't have
32:49to pretend
32:50anymore
32:51the camera
32:52holds
32:52outside the
32:53drawn curtains
32:56for the next
32:57few days
32:57we live
32:57inside a
32:58stolen
32:58scalding
32:59bubble
33:00by day
33:01the parents
33:01are at
33:01work
33:02and the
33:02house
33:02is ours
33:02but the
33:03sweeter
33:04it gets
33:04the tighter
33:05the string
33:05in me
33:06pulls
33:06because I
33:07know
33:07this bubble
33:08is borrowed
33:09and sooner
33:10or later
33:10it comes
33:11due
33:11the faint
33:12mark
33:12on Samir's
33:12neck
33:13fades
33:13and a
33:14new
33:14one
33:14takes
33:14its
33:14place
33:15he keeps
33:16saying
33:16it's
33:16fine
33:16but I
33:16start
33:17checking
33:17his
33:17collar
33:17before
33:18every
33:18meal
33:18without
33:18thinking
33:19and checking
33:20my own
33:20face
33:23we
33:23relearn how
33:24to bicker
33:24at the
33:24table
33:25except now
33:26every jab
33:27is a code
33:27only the
33:28two of
33:28us can
33:28read
33:31the change
33:32starts on
33:32a Saturday
33:33mom suddenly
33:34doesn't go
33:35in
33:35she sits
33:36on the
33:36living room
33:36couch
33:37watching
33:37Samir
33:38and me
33:38come down
33:39the stairs
33:39one after
33:40the other
33:40something in
33:41her eyes
33:41I can't
33:42read
33:45Becca
33:46she pats
33:47the seat
33:47beside her
33:47sit
33:48keep me
33:49company
33:49a minute
33:50Samir's
33:51step
33:51hitches
33:52almost
33:52imperceptibly
33:53before he
33:54keeps going
33:54toward the
33:55kitchen
33:55I sit
33:56my heart's
33:57going wild
34:04lately
34:04mom takes
34:05my hand
34:06her voice
34:06light but
34:07every word
34:07a hundred
34:08pounds
34:08is something
34:09weighing on
34:10you
34:13half the
34:14blood drains
34:15out of me
34:15no
34:16I manage
34:17a smile
34:18what would
34:18I have
34:18on my
34:19mind
34:19mom looks
34:20at me
34:20a long
34:20time
34:21then lets
34:21out a
34:21soft sigh
34:22when you
34:22were 16
34:23I moved
34:24us here
34:24and you
34:24hated me
34:25for a
34:25long time
34:26her eyes
34:26drift to
34:27the window
34:27I know
34:28for my own
34:29happiness
34:29I pulled
34:30you up
34:30by the
34:30roots
34:31from
34:31everything
34:31familiar
34:33dropped
34:34you into
34:34a strange
34:35house
34:35gave you
34:35a strange
34:36brother
34:39all these
34:40years
34:40I felt
34:41I owed
34:41you
34:41my throat
34:42tightens
34:43I can't
34:43speak
34:44I just
34:45want you
34:45to be
34:45happy
34:46Becca
34:46she turns
34:47back
34:48her eyes
34:48shining
34:49really happy
34:50not the
34:52put on
34:52I'm fine
34:53you show
34:53me
34:53in that
34:54instant
34:54I almost
34:55tell her
34:55everything
34:56almost lay
34:57it all
34:57out
34:58two years
34:59of pretending
34:59these scalding
35:00few days
35:01the knot
35:02of joy
35:02and fear
35:03tangled in
35:03my chest
35:04but I look
35:05at that
35:05careful light
35:06in her eyes
35:06the light
35:07of a woman
35:07who gave
35:08everything
35:08for this
35:09family
35:09and I
35:10swallow
35:10the words
35:17I'm happy
35:18mom
35:19I hug
35:20her
35:20bury
35:21my face
35:21in her
35:22shoulder
35:22my voice
35:23shaking
35:23really
35:26at the
35:27foot of
35:27the stairs
35:28Samir
35:28stair stands
35:29holding two
35:30glasses of
35:30water
35:31motionless
35:33he heard
35:35he heard
35:36all of
35:36it
35:43that night
35:43another note
35:44slides under
35:45my door
35:48this one
35:48is four
35:49words
35:50we need
35:51to talk
35:57we meet
35:58in the garage
35:59out back
36:00the one
36:01place in
36:01this house
36:02the parents
36:02won't think
36:03of and can't
36:04hear
36:04this can't
36:05keep going
36:05or it'll
36:06blow up
36:06Samir
36:07leans
36:07against
36:07the work
36:08bench
36:08his voice
36:09heavy
36:09your face
36:10today
36:11your mom
36:11will see
36:11through it
36:12sooner or
36:12later
36:12so what
36:13do you
36:13want to
36:13do
36:13I cross
36:14my arms
36:14my voice
36:15sharp
36:16even as
36:16my heart
36:17drops
36:20I don't
36:21know
36:21for once
36:22he looks
36:22at a loss
36:23dragging a
36:23hand down
36:24his face
36:25I just
36:25know I
36:26don't want
36:26to keep
36:26you hidden
36:28turn you
36:29into some
36:29secret that
36:29can't see
36:30daylight
36:31you shouldn't
36:32have to be
36:32that
36:32I freeze
36:33but what
36:34can we
36:34do
36:34my voice
36:35trembles
36:36tell them
36:37Becca and
36:38Samir
36:38the step
36:38siblings
36:39are together
36:39picture my
36:40mom's face
36:41she welded
36:42two families
36:43into one
36:43home
36:44and it cost
36:44her everything
36:45one sentence
36:46from us
36:47and it all
36:47shatters
36:48the garage
36:49goes quiet
36:50only the light
36:51overhead
36:52buzzing
36:53what if
36:54he says
36:55suddenly
36:55looking at
36:56me
36:56his eyes
36:56frighteningly
36:57serious
36:57we weren't
36:58step siblings
36:59what do you
37:00mean
37:03in September
37:04I start the
37:04project out
37:05in Tucson
37:06my own place
37:07my own life
37:08word by word
37:09I won't live
37:10in this house
37:11anymore
37:13we won't be
37:14siblings under
37:14one roof
37:15once the dust
37:16settles
37:17once you graduate
37:18too
37:18we can start
37:19over
37:20as something
37:21we don't have
37:21to hide
37:22I look at him
37:23my heart aching
37:24with each beat
37:25it's the first
37:26time I realize
37:27he isn't after
37:27this stolen summer
37:28he's after the
37:29after
37:35but some things
37:36don't wait for
37:37you to be ready
37:39it's a Tuesday
37:40evening
37:41I think the
37:42house is empty
37:43and come out
37:43of the bathroom
37:44and nothing but
37:45a towel
37:45and there's
37:46Samir
37:47waiting in the
37:48hall
37:48he backs me
37:49to the wall
37:50forehead to mine
37:51both of us
37:52grinning like
37:52kids who
37:53swiped candy
37:55neither of us
37:56hear Kevin's
37:57car
37:57home early
37:58below
37:59or his footsteps
38:01on the stairs
38:07Samir?
38:09the instant
38:10his father's
38:10voice sounds
38:11from the end
38:11of the hall
38:12the whole world
38:13stops
38:13we spring apart
38:15too late
38:17Kevin stands
38:18at the top
38:18of the stairs
38:19looking at
38:20his son
38:20half wrapped
38:21around me
38:21in a towel
38:22his son's
38:23hands still
38:24at my waist
38:24and his face
38:25freezes
38:26then breaks
38:27inch by inch
38:29what
38:31are you two
38:32doing?
38:33no music
38:34to cover it
38:37no door
38:38to block it
38:38no excuse
38:40that holds
38:42this time
38:43we're truly
38:45seen
38:47that night
38:48is the longest
38:49of my life
38:50Kevin calls
38:51mom home
38:52the four of us
38:54sit in the living
38:54room under a
38:55harsh white light
38:56mom's face
38:57goes from confusion
38:58to disbelief
39:00to something
39:01I'll never forget
39:02heartbreak
39:05how long
39:06mom
39:08I asked
39:08how long
39:13this summer
39:15Samir speaks
39:16first
39:17stepping in front
39:18of me as if
39:19to shield me
39:20I started it
39:22blame me
39:23no
39:26I grab his
39:27hand
39:27my voice shaking
39:29but holding
39:29not just him
39:31us
39:33mom
39:33I know
39:34this is hard
39:34to take
39:35we're not
39:36blood
39:36but we became
39:37siblings
39:37inside your
39:38marriage
39:39to Kevin
39:41I know
39:42how absurd
39:43that is
39:43how much
39:44it hurts
39:45mom covers
39:46her face
39:46her shoulders
39:47shaking hard
39:49Kevin can't
39:50get out a
39:50single word
39:51just stares
39:52at the floor
39:53I spent
39:54two years
39:54pretending
39:55to hate him
39:56because I knew
39:56from the start
39:57it was wrong
39:58but mom
39:59I can't
39:59keep pretending
40:00in the living
40:01room
40:01all that's
40:01left is
40:02mom stifled
40:03crying
40:03in that moment
40:04I finally
40:05understand
40:05what a price
40:06is
40:06it isn't
40:06the thrill
40:07of getting
40:07caught
40:07it's watching
40:08the person
40:08you love
40:09most break
40:09because of
40:10you
40:13for the next
40:14two weeks
40:15the house
40:16is frozen
40:17over
40:18mom barely
40:19speaks to
40:19me
40:21not anger
40:22the harder
40:23kind of silence
40:24Kevin moves
40:26into the study
40:26to sleep
40:28Samir moves
40:28up his transfer
40:29to Tucson
40:30to Tucson
40:30and we
40:30agree
40:31until the dust
40:32settles
40:32neither of us
40:33crosses a single
40:34line
40:35it's the penance
40:36we set for
40:37ourselves
40:39I think this is
40:40how the family
40:41splits apart
40:43the bomb I planted
40:44with my own hands
40:45finally went off
40:47but one night
40:47going down for
40:48water
40:49I find mom alone
40:50in the kitchen
40:51two untouched cups
40:52of tea in front of her
40:54sit
40:58I sit
40:59and wait for
40:59the verdict
41:01when I was
41:02nineteen
41:04I fell for
41:05someone everyone
41:06said I shouldn't
41:08my mother
41:09your grandmother
41:10wouldn't speak
41:11to me for
41:11three years
41:12I thought I'd
41:13long forgotten
41:14that feeling
41:14knowing it
41:15in your heart
41:16and not being
41:16able to tell
41:17a soul
41:17I'm not giving
41:18you my blessing
41:19she looks at
41:20me
41:21exhaustion
41:22struggle
41:23and a small
41:24loosening
41:25I need time
41:26Kevin needs more
41:28this may not be
41:29fixable
41:29and you should
41:30be ready for that
41:33but I won't
41:34force you to
41:34keep playing
41:34I'm fine anymore
41:36my tears come
41:37all at once
41:38it isn't
41:39forgiveness
41:41but it's
41:41a beginning
41:44in September
41:45Samir moves out
41:46we don't say
41:47goodbye in secret
41:48in front of mom
41:50and Kevin
41:50he loads the
41:51last box
41:52into the car
41:52then comes to
41:53me and
41:54under both
41:55their eyes
41:55says it
41:56plainly
41:56I'll wait
41:57for this family
41:58to take its
41:59time
41:59for you to
41:59graduate
42:00I won't rush
42:01it
42:01but I won't
42:02pretend none
42:03of this
42:03happened either
42:04Kevin turns
42:05his face away
42:05and says
42:06nothing
42:06but he
42:06doesn't stop
42:07it
42:07mom stands
42:08on the porch
42:08arms around
42:09himself
42:09watching us
42:10after a long
42:11moment
42:11she gives
42:12the faint
42:12barely
42:12perceptible
42:13nod
42:13the car
42:14pulls away
42:15that stolen
42:16scalding
42:17summer
42:17is over
42:18but strangely
42:19I don't feel
42:20the emptiness
42:20I expected
42:21because this time
42:22his leaving
42:23isn't running
42:24isn't an ending
42:25it's the two of us
42:26choosing
42:26together
42:27the harder road
42:28we can walk
42:28in the open
42:29I turn to go in
42:31mom stops me
42:32at the door
42:33hesitates
42:34then reaches out
42:35to smooth the hair
42:36the wind has must
42:37the same gesture
42:38exactly
42:39as that morning
42:40two months ago
42:41except this time
42:42neither of us
42:44have to pretend
42:44anymore
42:47what follows
42:48is a long year
42:49Samir in Tucson
42:51me at school
42:54we keep it clean
42:56almost like we're
42:56meeting each other
42:57for the first time
42:58calls
42:59texts
43:00the occasional
43:01weekend at a cafe
43:02where no one
43:02knows us
43:03like two ordinary
43:04adults
43:04finally doing
43:05this right
43:08the ice at home
43:09melts slowly
43:12Kevin gives first
43:14one Thanksgiving
43:15at the table
43:17he asks for the
43:18first time
43:19unprompted
43:20how's Samir doing
43:21and something
43:22starts to seep
43:23into mom's
43:24silence too
43:25she begins
43:26asking if I'm
43:27okay
43:28and when she
43:29asks her eyes
43:29are really on me
43:31not every story
43:32gets a clean
43:33tidy forgiveness
43:34our family
43:35welded its cracks
43:36back together
43:37inch by patient
43:38inch
43:38some places
43:40will always
43:41carry the scar
43:43scar
43:44but a scar
43:45is proof
43:45of healing
43:46too
43:50the next summer
43:51I graduate
43:57on graduation
43:58day
43:58mom and
43:59Kevin
43:59are in the
44:00audience
44:02and beside
44:03them
44:03at a respectable
44:04distance
44:05Samir
44:10there
44:10there is
44:10someone
44:11who doesn't
44:11have to
44:11hide
44:12anymore
44:15that
44:15summer
44:16is
44:16brutally
44:16hot
44:17again
44:17I
44:18move
44:18to
44:18Tucson
44:18a small
44:19apartment
44:20a ten
44:20minute
44:20walk
44:21from
44:21Samir's
44:21place
44:22we
44:23don't
44:23live
44:23together
44:24mom
44:25said to
44:25take it
44:25slow
44:26and we
44:26both
44:27agreed
44:29on moving
44:29day
44:30the AC
44:30breaks
44:33I collapse
44:34among the
44:34boxes
44:34dizzy
44:35with heat
44:36and somehow
44:37think of that
44:37identical
44:38afternoon
44:38two years
44:39ago
44:40lying in a
44:41stifling
44:41room
44:42hating a
44:42man
44:43unable to
44:44stop
44:44pressing
44:45my thighs
44:45together
44:46I laugh
44:47out loud
44:47then I pick
44:48up my phone
44:49and text
44:49him
44:49my AC
44:51is broken
44:51over here
44:54minutes later
44:55familiar footsteps
44:56come up the
44:57stairs
44:57step by
44:58step
45:01the doors
45:02unlock
45:02he stands
45:03in the
45:04doorway
45:04toolbox
45:05in hand
45:06gray tank
45:07hair
45:08soaked
45:08at the
45:08forehead
45:09identical
45:10to the
45:10first glimpse
45:11of him
45:11that summer
45:11except this
45:12time he
45:13isn't the
45:13stranger
45:14who barged
45:14into my
45:14life
45:15and took
45:15my mother
45:16and he
45:16isn't the
45:16stepbrother
45:17I have to
45:17pretend to
45:18hate
45:18where's it
45:18broken
45:21I look
45:22at him
45:22the man
45:23I resisted
45:23with two
45:24years of
45:24pretending
45:25and then
45:25fought for
45:26with all
45:26the honesty
45:26I had
45:27after
45:27and the
45:28thing
45:28that caught
45:28fire in
45:29me
45:29that
45:29scalding
45:29summer
45:30burns
45:30now
45:30steady
45:31and
45:31sure
45:34come here
45:35I'll show
45:36you
45:39outside the
45:40window
45:40summer
45:41is just
45:41beginning
45:43and this
45:44time
45:44we have
45:45all the
45:46time
45:46in the
45:46world
45:48you
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