- 19 hours ago
The Summer the AC Broke EP
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00My mom is right downstairs, one creaking staircase away.
00:03That's the only thing between me and total ruin.
00:05He's got me pinned, one hand splayed across my waist, the other creeping higher.
00:09Mom's voice floats up the stairs.
00:11Becca? Did your brother come up to fix your A.C. yet?
00:14His fingertips press into me, daring me to stay quiet.
00:18He looks down at me, eyes bright, like he's waiting for me to fall apart.
00:21I should scream. I should shove him off and bolt downstairs.
00:24But his thumb presses down, and I swallow a moan so hard it nearly chokes me.
00:28No! No, he didn't!
00:30I call down. My voice comes out shaking, like it belongs to someone else.
00:3598 degrees. The A.C. in my room died this morning. Just gave out.
00:41I hate this house. The way it is now, anyway.
00:45I hate the day Mom married Kevin and packed him and his quiet 30-something son into my life.
00:50Two years now. Every wrong thing under this roof started that day.
00:54Too hot to think. I've kicked off my shorts, a tank slipping off my shoulder,
00:58and flopped back on the bed to call her.
01:01Mom, my A.C.'s broken. I'm melting up here.
01:04I know. I know.
01:06Her end is all rattling carts and store announcements.
01:09I'm at the store. Back soon.
01:10Have your brother look at it. He's coming home for lunch anyway.
01:13Your brother. Those two words set me off.
01:16But my brain won't listen. It pulls him up before I can stop it.
01:19He does vac. Fixes A.C. lines and pipes all day. Always slick with sweat.
01:24Last week in the kitchen. Head tipped back. Chugging ice water. His throat working with every swallow.
01:31A drop running down his jaw to his collarbone. The muscle in his forearm bunching tight as he cranked a
01:36valve.
01:37I press my ties together. And hate myself the second I do.
01:41I hate him. I really do.
01:44So what the hell is this?
01:47Downstairs. The front door clicks open.
01:49The stairs groan. Step by step. Under someone much heavier than me.
01:54That's when I remember what I'm wearing. I lunge for the shorts on my chair.
01:58Too late.
01:59The door swings open. Samir. Work pants.
02:02Gray tank soaked through and clinging. Every line of his chest and stomach right there.
02:06Toolbox in hand. The hair at his forehead damp and strands.
02:08I should look away. I don't. My eyes drag down on their own.
02:12His sleep chest. His tensed forearms. And finally...
02:16See something you like?
02:17His voice comes out rough. The corner of his mouth tipping up.
02:20Hot. Heat shoots all the way to my ears. I rip the blanket up over myself.
02:24Who... Who's looking at you? Don't flatter yourself.
02:26He doesn't look away. The smirk only deepens. His throat moves once.
02:32The A.C.
02:34He steps in. Drops the toolbox. And looks down at me curled up small.
02:38Where is it?
02:41Over there.
02:42I jerk my chin at the unit in the corner and pull the blanket tighter.
02:45He doesn't move right away. First those heavy eyes drag over me.
02:48Then he comes. The unit sits high on the wall above my headboard.
02:51My bed right under it. The room's small and a man his size only makes it smaller.
02:55He takes one look and frowns.
02:56Get down.
02:57He says.
02:58Why should I?
02:59I dig my heels in. Though it sounds hollow the moment it's out.
03:02Two years and this is all I know how to do with him.
03:04Bristle.
03:05Jab.
03:06Jab. Push back.
03:07Mom remarried.
03:08He and Kevin moved in and the house stopped being just hers and mine.
03:11I came home for the summer wanting some quiet.
03:13And now I share even my breathing room with this stranger.
03:16I can dodge him for an afternoon.
03:18Not for the long line of summers after.
03:19He doesn't argue.
03:20One knee on the edge of the bed and he stretches up toward the unit.
03:23I shrink into the corner.
03:24But the bed's only so big.
03:26As he leans.
03:27The soaked gray tank brushes my shin.
03:29Heat. Sweat.
03:30That sun-warmed smell of him.
03:32All of it crashing over me at once.
03:34His arm works a screw overhead.
03:36The muscle bunching and releasing inches from my face.
03:38I hold my breath.
03:39I don't dare move.
03:40No one's downstairs.
03:42Mom's still at the store.
03:43The whole house is quiet.
03:44Just my sun-baked bedroom.
03:46Door shut.
03:47Sealed off from the rest of the world.
03:48The thought sends a hotter prickle up my back.
03:51Up here.
03:51Door closed.
03:52Whatever happens.
03:53No one below would know.
03:54Move over.
03:55He says low.
03:56His elbow pressing toward me.
03:57There's nowhere to go.
03:58His hip is against my drawn-up knees.
04:01I'm wedged between him and the wall.
04:02Half of me pressed to his side.
04:04I told you I can't get away from you.
04:06He says, glancing down, his throat moving.
04:08Goes both ways.
04:10He turns it a few times.
04:12Swears.
04:12Says the wiring's fried.
04:13The whole thing has to come apart.
04:15The minutes crawl.
04:16The room's hot enough to swim in.
04:17The two of us crammed into this scrap of space.
04:19Neither one talking.
04:20My back's to the wall.
04:21Half of me against his sweat-damp side.
04:22The sweat glues us together.
04:24Skin to skin.
04:24Impossible to peel apart.
04:26I should be disgusted.
04:27I'm not.
04:28I can feel the muscle in his side tighten with every turn of the screw.
04:31That strength soaking through a thin film of sweat into my skin.
04:34Sinking low in my belly.
04:35A picture rises before I can stop it.
04:37If that hand weren't reaching for a screw overhead but sliding down my waist instead.
04:41I kill the thought.
04:42My face burns.
04:43I hate him.
04:44I think of the wedding day.
04:45Him standing there cold.
04:46Not even a hello.
04:47Two years ago I swore I'd never go soft for this man.
04:50Not once.
04:51And right now my thighs are clamping together on their own.
04:55The wet heat there is impossible to hide.
04:57Slick.
04:58Sticky.
04:59Mortifying.
05:00It's the weather.
05:00I lie to myself.
05:02That's all.
05:03Just the heat.
05:04Irritated I try to shift.
05:06To find room to breathe.
05:07My knee moves and by accident grazes the inside of his thigh.
05:11His hands stop.
05:12The whole room goes still.
05:14His voice drops to gravel.
05:15It travels straight down my ear into my spine.
05:18Becca.
05:19You'd better not move.
05:20I don't listen.
05:21My heart's slamming.
05:23And something hotter than hate eggs me on.
05:25I push out again.
05:26Elbow digging into his side.
05:28On purpose.
05:29The next second his free hand clamps down on my waist.
05:31A hand big enough to span half of it.
05:33Too strong to fight.
05:34And it hauls me back against him.
05:36My gasp jams in my throat.
05:37My back hits his scalding sweat damp chest.
05:39His heartbeat.
05:40Through two thin layers of cotton slams into my spine.
05:42Once.
05:43Again.
05:46What are you doing?
05:49I keep my voice down and claw at the arm locked across my waist.
05:52It's cast iron.
05:54It doesn't give.
05:54I should break free.
05:56Drive an elbow into him.
05:57Call him a creep.
05:58Bolt downstairs.
05:59But my body betrays me.
06:01It sinks into him.
06:02Fitting against every scalding inch of him.
06:04I can feel his breathing turn rough.
06:05His chest rising and downing at my back.
06:07He grunts.
06:08My elbow jabbing stomach again in the scamble.
06:10With it.
06:10I won't give in.
06:11And I'm even more scared he sees through me.
06:13So I open my mouth for another jab.
06:15Nothing comes out.
06:16His free hand lifts and closes around the front of my throat.
06:18Not hard.
06:19But sure.
06:20Steady.
06:20Tipping the back of my head into the hollow of his shoulder.
06:23Every drop of blood in me runs cold.
06:25Then floods back scalding.
06:26Two years of fighting.
06:27Of cutting each other to the bone and he never once touched me.
06:30But now his palm cradles my throat.
06:32His thumb on the pulse going wild there.
06:34And I'm not afraid.
06:35Being held completely in his hand.
06:37Helpless in his grip.
06:37It turns me to water.
06:38I'm in the same hell you...
06:39His mouth is at my ear.
06:41His breath hot and horsey.
06:42Each word brended in.
06:43But you are going to hold still.
06:46His breath fans against the side of my face.
06:48No more squirming.
06:49No more little whimpers making it worse.
06:51The hand on my throat tightens a fraction.
06:53You hear me?
06:54I try to nod.
06:56Only then does he ease off.
06:57I gulp for air.
06:58My heart wild enough to leap out of my chest.
07:02For a long stretch I stay curled against him.
07:05Not daring to move.
07:06His arm stays locked around my waist.
07:08Never once loosening.
07:10And his thumb, against the damp curve of my side, moves slow.
07:13Up, then down.
07:15Up, then down.
07:16Every drag of it sends a current sliding down to the small of my back.
07:19I clamp my thighs tighter.
07:21And it only makes the want sharper.
07:23I want more.
07:24The thought scares me.
07:25That's when, downstairs, the front door clicks open.
07:29I'm home.
07:30Mom's voice floats up over the rustle of grocery bags.
07:33Becca, did your brother go up to fix your AC?
07:37His thumb stops.
07:39No!
07:40No, he didn't!
07:41I call down, forcing my voice into its usual annoyance.
07:44He's probably off slacking somewhere again.
07:47A beat of quiet below.
07:49Then, from below.
07:51Let me come up and look at it.
07:52You can't sit in this heat.
07:54The staircase creaks, taking Mom's weight.
07:57One step.
07:58My blood goes to ice.
08:00I claw at his arm.
08:04Let go.
08:05She's coming up.
08:07Let go of me.
08:09He doesn't.
08:10Worse.
08:11The hand that's been resting at my waist slides, painfully slow, down the line of my hip.
08:16Over my stomach.
08:17Over the dip of my hip bone.
08:19Lower still, until it settles squarely over me.
08:22Through the thin fabric already soaked with sweat and something else.
08:25My whole body bows tight.
08:27A sharp, high sound rushes up my throat.
08:29I bite down on my lip and swallow it.
08:31Second stare.
08:32Creak.
08:32He bends his head, nose against my scalding ear.
08:35And through the soaked fabric, palm his grinds down on me.
08:39Not soft, not hard.
08:40Once.
08:41Soaked like this?
08:42He breathes, slow and filthy.
08:44And still lying that no one came up.
08:46Samir.
08:46It comes out a plea, my voice in pieces.
08:49Please, my mom.
08:51Hmm?
08:52His thumb presses again, dragging a winner out of me before I can swallow it.
08:56The hand doesn't move from where it is.
08:59Scared now?
09:00Third step.
09:01Mom's voice is closer.
09:05Becca?
09:06Becca?
09:06Why is the door locked from the inside?
09:07He looks down at me.
09:09Held completely in his hand.
09:10Every breath a luxury now.
09:12His eyes lit with something that makes me dizzy.
09:15He leans to my ear.
09:16Word by word.
09:18Another grind of his palm.
09:19Dead slow.
09:20We let your mom see exactly what you look like right now?
09:24The doorknob clicks.
09:26And turns.
09:29The knob turns half a circle and catches.
09:31Locked from inside.
09:33Becca?
09:33Why is this locked from the inside?
09:35His palm is still on me.
09:37Grinding in that slow, maddening way that has me shaking all over.
09:40His breath brushes my ear.
09:43Answer her.
09:44I...
09:44I'm changing!
09:46I call out.
09:48My voice in pieces.
09:50It's too hot!
09:51I'm not dressed!
09:53Don't come in, Mom!
09:54A pause on the other side.
09:57God, this heat.
09:58Mom laughs through the door.
10:00Hurry up then!
10:01Come down and eat!
10:02I got sandwiches and cold pasta salad.
10:05Step by step, the stairs let her go.
10:07Soon there's the rustle of plastic bags.
10:09The fridge opening and closing.
10:10The threat eps.
10:12I slump back against him.
10:13Rung out.
10:14Gulping air.
10:14Furious and humiliated.
10:16My eyes burning.
10:17You're insane.
10:18You actually would have...
10:19He doesn't answer.
10:20And he doesn't do what I expect.
10:22Doesn't let go and retreat behind the wall we've spent two years building.
10:25He just holds me.
10:26Chin on my shoulder.
10:27Silent for a long time.
10:28Long enough that I can hear the fridge humming downstairs.
10:31Then he says it.
10:32Low.
10:33Without a trace of his usual sneer.
10:35I don't want to let go.
10:37I go rigid.
10:38I twist around to look at him.
10:40Two years.
10:41And I know every cruel thing he's ever said to me.
10:44This wasn't a joke.
10:45Not even close.
10:48We stay frozen like that.
10:50Downstairs, mom's putting groceries away, humming something tuneless.
10:54The AC's still dead.
10:56The heat lying thick on my skin.
10:57But the heat running through me stopped being the weather a while ago.
11:01I've been locked against him too long, wound too tight.
11:04Now my lower back and the tops of my thighs start to cramp.
11:07A deep dragging ache, like the heaviness before my period.
11:10I shift in small movements, trying to work it loose.
11:13Don't move.
11:14He says low.
11:16But it's not his usual impatience.
11:18It's horsey, careful.
11:20Something I've never heard from him.
11:21I shift again.
11:23Can't help it.
11:23A small sound escapes.
11:25What is it?
11:25He asks.
11:26Both his thumbs have come to rest on the outsides of my thighs.
11:29Kneading slow, back and forth.
11:31The touch lifts every hair on me.
11:33But the ache is worse.
11:35I bite my lip and admit it.
11:37My lower back.
11:38And where my legs meet.
11:40Tent's too long.
11:41It aches.
11:42My voice shrinks as I go.
11:44I want to stretch.
11:45But you're pinning me.
11:47I can't move.
11:49His hands pause on my legs.
11:53Bring your knees.
11:54His voice drops lower.
11:56Up onto the bed.
11:59Kneel?
12:00Kneel how?
12:01I twist around to glare at him.
12:02Red-faced and lost.
12:04Feet here.
12:04He pats the narrow space along his thighs.
12:07Knees here.
12:08Then taps the mattress in front of me.
12:10When it hits me what he's asking, my face goes up in flames.
12:13But the ache is unbearable.
12:14And somehow I do it.
12:16His hands settle on my hips and guide me forward.
12:19Easing my feet up one at a time.
12:21Knees spreading.
12:23By the time I catch up, I'm straddling his lap with my back to him.
12:27A position so shameful my toes curl.
12:29Lean back.
12:30He draws me against his chest.
12:32Head.
12:33Back on my shoulder.
12:34My throat's dry.
12:36And I obey without knowing why.
12:38The back of my head finds the hollow of his shoulder.
12:41My whole spine rising and falling against his scolding sweat-damp chest.
12:44His hands lock on my hips.
12:46And slowly he bears down lifting my lower body.
12:48Arching it back into a deep bow.
12:50Inch by inch my whole torso pulls open.
12:52The ache I've held for so long lets go all at once.
12:55So good my eyes well up.
12:56A long moan slips out before I can stop it.
13:00God, Becca.
13:02He curses low behind my ear.
13:04His nose bearing into the side of my neck.
13:06Dragging once.
13:07Hard.
13:08His breathing goes ragged.
13:09His hands press in and harder.
13:11Deepening the arch.
13:12Once, twice.
13:13Open.
13:14Release.
13:15Each one melts the ache into something else.
13:18Burning up from the base of my spine.
13:21We hold it for almost a minute before the arms carrying me start to shake.
13:25I'm smaller than him.
13:27But I'm no slip of a girl.
13:29Holding me up in midair like this would wear anyone down.
13:32I- I'm better now.
13:33A lie.
13:34My face burns.
13:36He grunts and lowers me back onto his lap.
13:38But his hands don't leave my hips.
13:40I know exactly what it means.
13:41Still straddling him.
13:42Back turned.
13:43And for some reason neither of us moves to fix it.
13:46Two years of fighting.
13:47And this is the longest we've ever sat together without tearing each other.
13:50apart.
13:51That alone unsettles me.
13:53Thanks.
13:54I say it at last.
13:56Barely a whisper.
13:57He hums.
13:58The stubble on his jaw drags across my cheek with it.
14:01And a fine, melting tingle races up my spine.
14:05I know I have to push it down.
14:07Pretend I didn't feel it.
14:09Downstairs mom's still busy in the kitchen.
14:11Humming off key.
14:13His long fingers.
14:14In time with every breath I take.
14:17Slowly tighten on my hips.
14:18The heavy ache starts pulsing back.
14:21I can't help squirming.
14:24Still hurts?
14:26Hmm.
14:27Sorry.
14:28He hesitates.
14:29Then his hands come slowly around from my sides to the front of me.
14:33Drop your back down.
14:37The rasp in his voice impossible to hide now.
14:41Lift your hips a little.
14:47He pushes my tank up and slides both hands into my shorts.
14:52His squirting thumbs find the two aching knots at the base of my spine and press in.
14:58Steady, grinding down in slow circles.
15:01My lips tremble.
15:03I suck in a breath and a moan I can't hold pills out.
15:08His thumbs circle, leaning in harder, grinding the stiff ache loose inch by inch.
15:15I clamp down on my tongue.
15:17Downstairs the tap is running.
15:19Mom washing the produce.
15:21Please God, she heard nothing.
15:24He stills for a few seconds.
15:26Then he needs deeper, faster.
15:28His hands spreading wider.
15:30Outward.
15:31Downward.
15:32My hips move with his rhythm on their own.
15:35His thumbs are too close.
15:38Close enough to turn me to water.
15:41And that place, with every circle of his hands,
15:45betrays me, getting hotter and hotter.
15:49His name comes out wrecked, soft, and clinging.
15:56Pleasure spreads in waves from where his fingers press,
16:00melting every ache out of me.
16:02I bite my lips between my teeth
16:05and strangle the next moan in my throat,
16:08terrified they'll hear downstairs.
16:11Just a few more minutes!
16:14Below, the water surges louder.
16:17And mom calls up,
16:19drowning out every sound I don't dare make.
16:21And under that cover,
16:23his hand slides one inch lower.
16:27His breathing changes too,
16:30especially the moment he buries his face in the curve of my neck,
16:33lips against my skin.
16:36Every hair on my nace stands up.
16:38My whole spine shivers with that melting tingle.
16:43Then, suddenly, he pulls his hands out of my shorts.
16:47A small, lost whipper leaks out of me
16:50before I can stop it.
16:52The next second, I want to disappear into the floor.
16:57God, he was just being decent for once,
17:01working out a cramp.
17:03And there I was,
17:05panting and whimpering under his hands,
17:07making those sounds.
17:09I must have scared him off.
17:14The silence stretches,
17:16my heart still pounding.
17:18Over his hands,
17:19over the mouth he'd pressed to my neck,
17:22I get ready to pull away,
17:24ready to say something ugly,
17:25to build the wall back up between us.
17:30And that's when his fingers hook the edge of my shorts
17:33and tug,
17:34one inch down.
17:36His warm mouth grazes my ear.
17:39Good girl.
17:40He breathes,
17:41low and rough.
17:42Lift your hips for me again.
17:46Good girl.
17:47Lift your hips for me again.
17:49The words land somewhere deep inside me.
17:52I squeeze my eyes shut,
17:54trying to quiet my racing heart.
17:56And instead I just obey,
17:58lifting my hips,
17:59shaking.
18:00Downstairs,
18:01mom's voice suddenly rises.
18:02Becca!
18:03It's all set out.
18:05Come eat before you go back up.
18:07It hits like a bucket of ice water over my head.
18:10Samir goes rigid.
18:14And I snap awake.
18:16What am I doing?
18:19My mom just got home.
18:20She's right downstairs.
18:21And here I am in my own room,
18:24straddling my stepbrothers,
18:25lifting my hips because he told me to.
18:27Shame torches through me.
18:29I shove his hands off,
18:30scramble off his lap,
18:31yank my shorts up,
18:33not daring to look back.
18:34I'm going down.
18:36Becca.
18:37He says behind me.
18:38I don't stop.
18:38But just before I pull the door open,
18:40I look back at him after all.
18:41He's on the wrecked bed,
18:43chest heaving,
18:43hair soaked,
18:44eyes burning into me.
18:45Not a trace of the usual sneer,
18:47just something scorching,
18:48cut off mid-breath.
18:49I flee,
18:50straight down the stairs.
18:52I don't taste a single bite of that lunch.
18:54Across from me,
18:55mom rattles on.
18:56The store had a sale,
18:57the neighbor's news.
18:58Why is your brother so quiet today?
18:59I murmur back,
19:00my whole heart still stuck
19:01in that burning room upstairs.
19:03Samir sits at the other end,
19:05eating with his head down,
19:06silent.
19:06But I can feel it.
19:07Every time mom looks away,
19:09his eyes land on me.
19:11Heavy.
19:12Hot enough that I can barely hold my fork.
19:15Mom slacks her forehead.
19:16Oh,
19:17I have to go help your aunt moves
19:19some things this afternoon.
19:20She's swamped.
19:21Becca,
19:21you rest at home,
19:22okay?
19:23Samir,
19:24you're home this afternoon.
19:25If the AC's still not fixed,
19:27call someone.
19:29Don't let your sister roast.
19:31My grip on the fork jumps.
19:34Afternoon,
19:35house,
19:36just the two of us.
19:38My head snaps up,
19:40right into his eyes,
19:41looking at me past my mother.
19:43He says nothing,
19:45just the faintest tip of his mouth,
19:47aimed at me.
19:49And the string in me that just snapped,
19:51pulls tight again,
19:53humming.
19:55The second mom's out the door,
19:56the house goes so quiet,
19:58there's nothing left that my own heart beat.
20:00I shut myself in my room,
20:02back to the door,
20:03telling myself I'm going nowhere,
20:04and opening for no one.
20:07This morning's madness never happened.
20:12I hate him.
20:14I have to remember I hate him.
20:17But my body won't obey.
20:20Just remembering the heat of his palm.
20:23Good girl.
20:24That.
20:25And my legs start to give again.
20:28The stairs creak,
20:29step by step,
20:30taking the weight I can't escape.
20:32The footsteps stop outside my door.
20:35Open up.
20:36His voice comes through the wood,
20:38low,
20:39rough,
20:39leaving no room to refuse.
20:41No.
20:42Go away.
20:43I hate you.
20:45I brace against the door,
20:46but my voice is laughably thin.
20:48Becca.
20:50His voice drops to almost nothing,
20:52each word like it's spoken against my ear.
20:54The way you looked this morning
20:56didn't look like hate.
21:02My face goes up in flames.
21:04My heart slamming till it aches.
21:07I stare at my own hand on the lock.
21:09Watch it.
21:10Beyond my control.
21:12Slowly turn it open.
21:14The instant the door gives,
21:16he's through it.
21:17I step back.
21:18He steps in,
21:19and in three strides,
21:20he's backed me into the corner.
21:21One hand braced on the wall by my head,
21:24caging me between him and the plaster.
21:26Heat.
21:26Sweat.
21:27That scent that's only his.
21:29Everywhere.
21:30What you didn't finish saying this morning.
21:32He bends down,
21:33nose nearly to mine,
21:34his breath scalding.
21:35Say it now.
21:39Say what?
21:43Whether you hate me.
21:44He cuts me off,
21:45a certainty in his voice
21:46that lifts every hair on me.
21:49Look at me and say it.
21:50I lift my eyes to his.
21:52Two years of resentment.
21:53Every I'm fine.
21:54I ever fed my mother,
21:55and this morning's surrender,
21:57I die before admitting.
21:58All of it jams in my throat.
22:00I...
22:01The word comes out,
22:02shaking apart.
22:03He waits,
22:04eyes locked on me without a blink.
22:06The hand on the wall cored with tension.
22:08I close my eyes and let it go.
22:10The truth I've held for two years,
22:12and the last of my dignity with it.
22:15I don't know.
22:17I hear my own voice tremble.
22:21I just know.
22:23Don't let go again.
22:25His breath catches.
22:27The next second,
22:28he's kissing me,
22:29pressing me into the wall.
22:34Downstairs,
22:35the front door clicks.
22:37Becca, I forgot my keys.
22:39Are they on the entry table?
22:41We both freeze.
22:42His mouth still on mine,
22:43my fists still in his tank.
22:45Both of us breathing hard,
22:47chest against rising chest.
22:49One wall and one staircase away.
22:51My mother's ordinary afternoon voice,
22:53knowing nothing.
22:54It cracks through me like thunder,
22:56jolting me out of the heat
22:57that was about to swallow me whole.
22:59I shove him off,
23:00frantically fixing my clothes and my breath,
23:02my voice shaking as I call down.
23:04They're...
23:04They're on the entry table!
23:06Just grab them, Mom!
23:11Got them!
23:12Okay, I'm off!
23:15The door bangs shut.
23:17The whole house sinks back
23:18into scalding silence.
23:19I lean against the wall,
23:21legs too weak to hold me,
23:22and look up at him.
23:23He's looking back,
23:25and what's churning in his eyes
23:26burns hotter than the 98-degree day.
23:29Neither of us says a word,
23:30but we both know
23:31that near miss,
23:33one wall away,
23:34didn't put us out.
23:35It lit something for good.
23:37The summer's only just begun,
23:40and this door of mine
23:41will never quite shut again.
23:44That night at dinner,
23:45I can barely sit still.
23:46The AC finally got fixed that afternoon.
23:49The four of us around the table.
23:50Mom on my left,
23:52busy topping off everyone's plate.
23:53Kevin across from me,
23:55head down over his food,
23:56and Samir,
23:56right at my side.
23:58On the surface,
23:59everything's normal.
24:00Mom rattles on about the neighbors.
24:02Kevin grunts now and then.
24:04Some dull rerun
24:05playing in the background.
24:07I stare at my plate,
24:08trying to look like I have it
24:10every meal for two years.
24:11At war with the stepbrother beside me.
24:13Too disdainful to spare him a glance.
24:16But under the tablecloth,
24:17it's another world.
24:18His hand has settled on my knee.
24:20My fork stops in midair.
24:21I try to brush him off
24:23without a flicker on my face.
24:24He doesn't budge.
24:26His palm is hot enough
24:27to feel through my dress.
24:29Slowly,
24:29he slides it an inch up my thigh.
24:31Oh.
24:32Mom speaks up
24:33and I nearly come out of my chair.
24:34Is the AC all sorted?
24:36Did your brother do okay up there?
24:38In that exact second,
24:39his hand climbs another half inch,
24:41stops high on my thigh,
24:42and presses down with meaning.
24:43Like he knows precisely
24:45what he's doing to me.
24:46I grip my fork
24:47and force my voice flat
24:48as dead water.
24:49It's fine.
24:51Passable.
24:52Passable.
24:52Samir scoffs beside me,
24:54cold as if we're actually fighting,
24:55not even turning his head.
24:56Still as ungrateful as ever.
24:59Above the table
25:00were still the step-siblings
25:01who can't share a room.
25:03Beneath it,
25:04his thumb grinds slow circles
25:05into the inside of my thigh
25:07through the dress.
25:08I stab at something
25:09and shove it in my mouth
25:10without tasting it.
25:12My face is burning.
25:13I gulp water to put it out,
25:15but my throat's bone dry.
25:16Mom.
25:17I set down my fork,
25:18my voice unsteady.
25:20I'll go get something to drink.
25:21I'm practically fleeing as I stand,
25:23and as I turn for the kitchen,
25:24I see it clearly.
25:25Samir in no hurry at all,
25:27setting down his fork
25:28too.
25:29A half-wall counter
25:30separates the kitchen
25:31from the dining room.
25:32Back to the doorway,
25:34I grip the counter,
25:35shut my eyes,
25:35and breathe deep,
25:36trying to push down
25:37the heat in my face
25:38and the chaos in my chest.
25:40Behind me,
25:40the floor gives the vainest creak.
25:42Before I can turn,
25:43two hands brace the counter's edge,
25:44caging me between him
25:45and the counter.
25:46His chest against my back,
25:48his chin on my shoulder,
25:49his voice barely there,
25:50breath brushing my ear.
25:52Running from what?
25:55You're insane.
25:56I grip the counter,
25:58hardly daring to make a sound.
25:59They're right there,
26:01one wall away.
26:02I know.
26:03He laughs low,
26:04the vibration traveling down my spine into me.
26:07He touches nothing else,
26:08just drags his nose,
26:09painfully slow,
26:10over the skin behind my ear.
26:12So you'll have to hold it in,
26:13same as under the table just now.
26:15Every drop of blood in me
26:16rushes to my face.
26:17From the living room,
26:18the TV,
26:19the on-and-off murmur of mom and Kevin
26:21drifts over clear as day,
26:22close enough that one lifted head,
26:23one turned smear.
26:25My breath shakes.
26:26Hmm?
26:27He leans closer,
26:28pressing me into the cold counter's edge,
26:30his voice full of knowing amusement.
26:32Shaking like this,
26:33are you scared of getting caught?
26:35He pauses.
26:36Or scared I'll stop?
26:37I can't answer,
26:38because I don't have an answer to either.
26:41From the dining room comes the scrape
26:42of a chair leg on the floor.
26:44Becca?
26:45Mom calls.
26:46The drinks are on the bottom shelf of the fridge,
26:48can't you find them?
26:49We both go still.
26:53Found!
26:54Found them!
26:54I blurt it,
26:55squeezing out from between him and the counter,
26:57yanking open the bottom shelf,
26:59grabbing two sparkling waters at random.
27:01Only when the cold bottles hit my scalding palms
27:04do I get a sliver of my mind back.
27:06Samir steps back,
27:08unhurried,
27:08and pulls a beer from the fridge,
27:10as if he weren't the one
27:11who'd just had me prinned to the counter.
27:13I carry the water back to the table,
27:16my legs still unsteady.
27:17But this time,
27:18mom doesn't pick her chatter back up.
27:19She sets down her fork
27:20and looks between me and Samir.
27:22From my flushed face
27:22to the faint mark on the side of his neck
27:24I only now notice is
27:25left there at some point I can't place.
27:27You too?
27:28She says slowly,
27:29her tone impossible to read.
27:30Why aren't you fighting today?
27:32The air locks.
27:33Kevin looks up too.
27:34My heart pounds in my ears.
27:36Two years,
27:37and we've never had a quiet meal at this table.
27:39Today's silence is the biggest tell of all.
27:41Fight about what?
27:42Can't be bothered with her.
27:44Samir says it first,
27:45flat as if he's remarking on the weather.
27:47Exactly!
27:48I jump in,
27:49chin up,
27:49packing every ounce of panic
27:51into the familiar jab,
27:52like I'd want to talk to him.
27:54Mom watches us,
27:55for a long time.
27:56Then she smiles
27:57and picks her fork back up.
27:58Good.
27:59We're family.
28:00No need to be at each other's throats
28:01all the time.
28:02But the moment she looks down,
28:03I catch Kevin's eyes.
28:04He says nothing,
28:05just lingers a thoughtful second
28:07on that faint mark
28:08on his son's neck.
28:09Under the table,
28:10Samir's knee bumps mine,
28:11very lightly,
28:12as if to say,
28:13careful.
28:14And also,
28:15this isn't over.
28:17That night I can't sleep,
28:19turning over and over.
28:20Not just from the unspent restlessness
28:22humming under my skin all night.
28:24From mom's look at the table
28:26and Kevin's one second pause.
28:28Two fine needles in the softest part of my chest.
28:31I start thinking things I've never let myself think.
28:34What if we get caught?
28:36To marry Kevin,
28:38mom rebuilt her whole life
28:39from when I was 16.
28:41Sold the old house,
28:42moved to this strange city,
28:44learned at 40 to be a newlywed again.
28:46So carefully,
28:47she tried to weld two families
28:49into one home.
28:50And here I am,
28:51planting a bomb under it
28:52in the most unforgivable way there is.
28:55I hate Samir.
28:57That's what I've told myself,
28:58and told my mother,
28:59for two years.
29:02Now I finally see it.
29:04That hate was laced with something else
29:06from the start.
29:08I hated him barging in
29:10because I couldn't stop looking at him.
29:13I went toe-to-toe with him
29:14because it was the only way
29:15I dared get close.
29:17I dressed up my wanting as loathing
29:19and kept it up for two whole years
29:21until I nearly believed it myself.
29:24In the hall,
29:25the floor creaks.
29:26My doorknob turns,
29:28very lightly,
29:30locked.
29:31Then a small folded note
29:32slides in under the door.
29:34Barefoot,
29:35I slip off the bed,
29:37pick it up,
29:38unfold it in the moonlight.
29:41Samir's hand rating,
29:42one line.
29:43They're both out tomorrow,
29:45all day.
29:46I hold the note,
29:47standing on the cold floor,
29:48my heart nearly bursting
29:49through my chest.
29:50Outside,
29:51not a breath of summer wind.
29:53And I know,
29:54perfectly clearly,
29:56tomorrow,
29:56I won't lock the door.
29:59By early the next morning,
30:01the house is empty.
30:02Mom and Kevin head out with their bags
30:04to help my aunt move.
30:06On the way,
30:07Mom pokes her head up the stairs.
30:09Sort out your own lunch,
30:10there's food in the fridge.
30:13Then the garage door rumbles down,
30:15and the engine fades.
30:17Then the whole house is quiet enough
30:19that all that's left is my own breathing.
30:21I don't lock the door.
30:22I lie on the bed,
30:23staring at the ceiling,
30:24and hear his door open downstairs.
30:26Footsteps,
30:27step by step,
30:28climbing slow,
30:29stopping outside mine.
30:31The knob turns.
30:32It opens.
30:34Samir stands in the doorway,
30:35backlit by the window,
30:36and looks at me a long time.
30:38Neither of us speaks.
30:40Two years of friction,
30:41last night's note,
30:42the empty house silence.
30:44All of it pressed into these few steps between us.
30:46Come here.
30:47I hear myself say it,
30:49soft,
30:49but without a shred of hesitation.
30:51He crosses to me,
30:53sits on the end of the bed,
30:54and tucks a damp strand of hair behind my ear,
30:57a gesture too gentle to be his.
31:00I thought about it all night.
31:01I look at him and finish the sentence
31:03I've hidden for two years.
31:05I don't hate you.
31:06I never really did.
31:08His throat works.
31:09He leans down,
31:11forehead to mine,
31:11our breaths tangling.
31:13Same.
31:14His voice is almost too horsky to hear.
31:16From the day you stood at that wedding at 16
31:18and glared at me,
31:20I was done for.
31:22He kisses me.
31:24This time there are no footsteps below,
31:26no voice about to call us,
31:28no threat waiting to puncture everything.
31:30Just a room full of summer light,
31:33and two people who don't have to pretend anymore.
31:37The camera holds outside the drawn curtains.
31:41For the next few days,
31:43we live inside a stolen, scalding bubble.
31:48By day, the parents are at work,
31:50and the house is ours.
31:52But the sweeter it gets,
31:54the tighter the string in me pulls.
31:58Because I know.
32:00This bubble is borrowed,
32:02and sooner or later it comes due.
32:05The faint mark on Samir's neck fades,
32:07and a new one takes its place.
32:10He keeps saying it's fine,
32:11but I start checking his collar before every meal without thinking,
32:15and checking my own face.
32:17We relearn how to bicker at the table.
32:20Except now,
32:21every jab is a code,
32:22only the two of us can read.
32:27The change starts on a Saturday.
32:29Mom suddenly doesn't go in.
32:31She sits on the living room couch,
32:33watching Samir and me come down the stairs one after the other.
32:37Something in her eyes I can't read.
32:41Becca.
32:43She pats the seat beside her.
32:45Sit.
32:46Keep me company a minute.
32:48Samir's step hitches almost imperceptibly
32:50before he keeps going toward the kitchen.
32:53I sit.
32:54My heart's going wild.
32:56Lately.
32:59Mom takes my hand.
33:00Her voice light,
33:01but every word a hundred pounds.
33:04Is something weighing on you?
33:07Half the blood drains out of me.
33:09No.
33:10I manage a smile.
33:12What would I have on my mind?
33:13Mom looks at me a long time,
33:15then lets out a soft sigh.
33:16When you were sixteen,
33:18I moved us here,
33:18and you hated me for a long time.
33:20Her eyes drift to the window.
33:22I know.
33:23For my own happiness,
33:25I pulled you up by the roots from everything familiar.
33:27Dropped you into a strange house,
33:29gave you a strange brother.
33:30All these years I felt I owed you.
33:32My throat tightens.
33:34I can't speak.
33:36I just want you to be happy, Becca.
33:38She turns back,
33:39her eyes shining.
33:40Really happy.
33:41Not the put on,
33:42I'm fine, you show me.
33:43In that instant,
33:45I almost tell her everything.
33:46Almost lay it all out.
33:48Two years of pretending.
33:49These scalding few days.
33:51The knot of joy and fear tangled in my chest.
33:53But I look at that careful light in her eyes.
33:55The light of a woman who gave everything for this family.
33:58And I swallow the words.
34:00I'm happy, Mom.
34:01I hug her.
34:02Bury my face in her shoulder.
34:04My voice shaking.
34:06Really?
34:07At the foot of the stairs,
34:09Samir stands holding two glasses of water.
34:12Motionless.
34:12He heard.
34:13He heard all of it.
34:16That night,
34:17another note slides under my door.
34:22This one is four words.
34:24We need to talk.
34:26We meet in the garage out back.
34:28The one place in this house the parents won't think of and can't hear.
34:31This can't keep going or it'll blow up.
34:32Samir leans against the workbench,
34:34his voice heavy.
34:35Your face today.
34:36Your mom will see through it sooner or later.
34:38So what do you want to do?
34:39I cross my arms,
34:40my voice sharp,
34:41even as my heart drops.
34:42I don't know.
34:43For once,
34:43he looks at a loss,
34:44dragging a hand down his face.
34:47I just know I don't want to keep you hidden,
34:50turn you into some secret that can't see daylight.
34:52You shouldn't have to be that.
34:53I freeze.
34:54But what can we do?
34:55My voice trembles.
34:57Tell them?
34:57Becca and Samir,
34:59the step-siblings,
34:59are together?
35:00Picture my mom's face.
35:01She welded two families into one home
35:03and it cost her everything.
35:04One sentence from us
35:05and it all shatters.
35:07The garage goes quiet.
35:08Only the light overhead,
35:10buzzing.
35:10What if?
35:11He says suddenly,
35:12looking at me,
35:13his eyes frighteningly serious.
35:15We weren't step-siblings.
35:18What do you mean?
35:20In September,
35:20I start the project out in Tucson.
35:23My own place,
35:24my own life.
35:25Word by word.
35:25I won't live in this house anymore.
35:27We won't be siblings under one roof.
35:28Once the dust settles,
35:29once you graduate too,
35:31we can start over.
35:31It's something we don't have to hide.
35:33I look at him,
35:34my heart aching with each beat.
35:35It's the first time I realize
35:37he isn't after this stolen summer.
35:38He's after the after.
35:41But some things don't wait for you to be ready.
35:43It's a Tuesday evening.
35:45I think the house is empty
35:46and come out of the bathroom
35:47in nothing but a towel
35:48and there's Samir,
35:49waiting in the hall.
35:50He backs me to the wall,
35:52forehead to mine,
35:53both of us grinning like kids
35:54who swapped candy.
35:57Neither of us hears Kevin's car,
36:00home early,
36:01below.
36:07Or his footsteps on the stairs.
36:17The instant his father's voice sounds
36:19from the end of the hall,
36:20the whole world stops.
36:21We spring apart,
36:23too late.
36:23Kevin stands at the top of the stairs,
36:25looking at his son
36:26half-wrapped around me in a towel,
36:28his son's hands still at my waist,
36:30and his face freezes,
36:32then breaks inch by inch.
36:34What?
36:34His voice shaking hard.
36:36What are you two doing?
36:38No music to cover it.
36:40No door to block it.
36:41No excuse that holds.
36:43This time,
36:44we're truly seen.
36:48That night is the longest of my life.
36:50Kevin calls Mom home.
36:52The four of us sit in the living room
36:54under a harsh white light.
36:56Mom's face goes from confusion
36:57to disbelief
36:58to something I'll never forget.
37:00Heartbreak.
37:02How long?
37:03She asks,
37:04terrifyingly calm.
37:06Mom.
37:06I asked,
37:07how long?
37:08This summer.
37:10Samir speaks first,
37:12stepping in front of me
37:13as if to shield me.
37:14I started it.
37:15Blame me.
37:16No!
37:17I grab his hand,
37:18my voice shaking but holding.
37:20Not just him.
37:21Us.
37:22Mom,
37:23I know this is hard to take.
37:24We're not blood,
37:25but we became siblings
37:26inside your marriage to Kevin.
37:28I know how absurd that is.
37:30How much it hurts.
37:31Mom covers her face,
37:32her shoulders shaking hard.
37:34Kevin can't get out a single word,
37:35just stares at the floor.
37:36I spent two years
37:38pretending to hate him,
37:39my tears spilling over,
37:41because I knew from the start
37:43it was wrong.
37:46But Mom,
37:47I can't keep pretending.
37:52In the living room,
37:53all that's left
37:54is Mom's stifled crying.
37:56In that moment,
37:57I finally understand
37:58what a price is.
38:00It isn't the thrill
38:00of getting caught,
38:01it's watching the person
38:03you love most break
38:04because of you.
38:07For the next two weeks,
38:08the house is frozen over.
38:10Mom barely speaks to me.
38:12Not anger,
38:13the harder kind of silence.
38:15Kevin moves into the study
38:16to sleep.
38:19Samir moves up
38:20his transfer to Tusa,
38:21and we agree.
38:22Until the dust settles,
38:23neither of us
38:24crosses a single line.
38:26It's the penance
38:27we set for ourselves.
38:28I think this is how
38:29the family splits apart.
38:30The bomb I planted
38:31with my own hands
38:31finally went off.
38:32But one night,
38:33going down for water,
38:34I find Mom alone
38:35in the kitchen,
38:36two untouched cups of tea
38:37in front of her.
38:39Sit,
38:40she says.
38:41I sit,
38:41and wait for the verdict.
38:44When I was 19,
38:46she says suddenly,
38:47I fell for someone
38:49everyone said I shouldn't.
38:50My mother,
38:51your grandmother,
38:52wouldn't speak to me
38:52for three years.
38:54A bitter little smile.
38:56I thought I'd long
38:56forgotten that feeling,
38:57knowing it in your heart
38:58and not being able
38:59to tell a soul.
38:59I hold my breath.
39:01I'm not giving you
39:02my blessing.
39:04She looks at me.
39:06Exhaustion,
39:06struggle,
39:07and a small loosening.
39:08I need time.
39:09Kevin needs more.
39:11This may not be fixable,
39:13and you should be ready
39:13for that.
39:14She pauses.
39:16But I won't force you
39:17to keep playing.
39:18I'm fine anymore.
39:20My tears come all at once.
39:21It isn't forgiveness.
39:22But it's a beginning.
39:25In September,
39:26Samir moves out.
39:27We don't say goodbye
39:28in secret.
39:29In front of Mom
39:30and Kevin,
39:30he loads the last box
39:32into the car.
39:33Then comes to me
39:34and,
39:34under both their eyes,
39:36says it plainly.
39:37I'll wait
39:38for this family
39:39to take its time,
39:40for you to graduate.
39:41I won't rush it.
39:42He looks at me.
39:43But I won't pretend
39:43none of this happened either.
39:45Kevin turns his face away
39:46and says nothing.
39:47But he doesn't stop it.
39:49Mom stands on the porch,
39:50arms around herself,
39:51watching us.
39:52After a long moment,
39:53she gives the faintest,
39:54barely perceptible nod.
39:56The car pulls away.
39:57That stolen,
39:58scalding summer is over.
40:00But strangely,
40:01I don't feel the emptiness
40:02I expected.
40:03Because this time,
40:04his leaving isn't running,
40:06isn't an ending.
40:07It's the two of us choosing,
40:08together,
40:09the harder road
40:10we can walk in the open.
40:12I turn to go in.
40:13Mom stops me at the door,
40:15hesitates,
40:16then reaches out
40:16to smooth the hair
40:17the wind has must.
40:19The same gesture,
40:20exactly as that morning
40:21two months ago.
40:23Except this time,
40:25neither of us
40:25have to pretend anymore.
40:27What follows
40:28is a long year.
40:30Samir in Tucson,
40:31me at school.
40:32We keep it clean,
40:33almost like we're meeting
40:34each other for the first time.
40:35Calls,
40:36texts,
40:37the occasional weekend
40:38at a cafe
40:38where no one knows us,
40:39like two ordinary adults
40:41finally doing this right.
40:42The ice at home
40:43melts slowly.
40:44Kevin gives first.
40:45How's Samir doing?
40:46One Thanksgiving,
40:47at the table,
40:48he asks for the first time,
40:49unprompted,
40:50and something starts to seep
40:51into Mom's silence too.
40:52She begins asking
40:53if I'm okay,
40:54and when she asks,
40:55her eyes are really on me.
40:57Not every story
40:57gets a clean,
40:58tidy forgiveness.
40:59Our family welded
41:00its cracks back together
41:02inch by patient inch.
41:03Some places
41:04will always carry the scar,
41:06but a scar is proof
41:07of healing too.
41:08The next summer,
41:09I graduate.
41:12On graduation day,
41:14Mom and Kevin
41:15are in the audience,
41:16and beside them,
41:17at a respectable distance,
41:19Samir,
41:20there as someone
41:21who doesn't have
41:22to hide anymore.
41:26That summer
41:27is brutally hot again.
41:29I move to Tucson,
41:31a small apartment,
41:32a 10-minute walk
41:32from Samir's place.
41:34We don't live together.
41:35Mom said to take it slow,
41:37and we both agreed.
41:38On moving day,
41:40the A.C. breaks.
41:41I collapse among the boxes,
41:43dizzy with heat,
41:43and somehow think
41:44of that identical afternoon
41:46two years ago.
41:47Lying in a stifling room,
41:48hating a man,
41:49unable to stop
41:50pressing my thighs together.
41:51I laugh out loud.
41:52Then I pick up my phone
41:54and text him.
41:54My A.C.'s broken over here.
41:57Minutes later,
41:57familiar footsteps
41:58come up the stairs,
41:59step by step.
42:00The door's unlocked.
42:01He stands in the doorway,
42:03toolbox in hand,
42:04gray tank,
42:05hair soaked at the forehead,
42:06identical to the first glimpse
42:07of him that summer.
42:08Except this time,
42:09he isn't the stranger
42:10who barged into my life
42:11and took my mother.
42:12And he isn't the stepbrother
42:14I have to pretend to hate.
42:15Where's it broken?
42:17He asks,
42:18smiling,
42:19setting down the toolbox
42:20and crossing to me.
42:21I look at him,
42:22the man I resisted
42:23with two years of pretending
42:24and then fought for
42:25with all the honesty
42:26I had after.
42:27And the thing that caught fire
42:28in me that scalding summer
42:29burns now,
42:30steady and sure.
42:32Come here.
42:34I hold out my hand.
42:35I'll show you.
42:37Outside the window,
42:38summer is just beginning.
42:40And this time,
42:41we have all the time
42:42in the world.
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