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00:02:47is dick run very good okay um let's let's continue spot barks down spot says sally
00:03:14okay gang um let's break for lunch god i die for pepperoni pizza in six months you'll probably
00:03:22be able to buy one here those jerks the largest forest in the world reduced to a cow pasture
00:03:42tell him not to be afraid it's only a tractor
00:03:48what did he say what did he say i think he said that giant bugs are attacking
00:03:55is he serious
00:04:19oh my god it's coming for us
00:04:28oh
00:04:57Okay, bud, pass that to your sister.
00:04:58Everyone have a balanced load?
00:05:01Okay.
00:05:13Get it down, Spot.
00:05:29Sorry, new neighbor.
00:05:31He's usually a sweet little pup.
00:05:33No harm done.
00:05:34Dick Applegate.
00:05:35Greg Sampson.
00:05:37I'm in a single-family ranch house across the way.
00:05:40Where are you folks from?
00:05:41The south.
00:05:43This is my wife Jane, my kids Sally and Johnny.
00:05:46Guys, meet our neighbor, Mr. Sampson.
00:05:49It's nice to meet you, Mr. Sampson.
00:05:53You got a bug up your butt?
00:05:56Sorry, ma'am.
00:05:59Somebody's got a sweet tooth.
00:06:04You know teenagers?
00:06:06Yep.
00:06:07Got one of my own.
00:06:08And I better get my pooch on before he eats one of your kids.
00:06:14Great meeting you, Greg.
00:06:19Creature seems harmless.
00:06:20Yes.
00:06:22But the door could be a problem.
00:06:24Canines disappear every day.
00:06:26And no one seems to notice.
00:06:40Swordfish.
00:06:55Most housewives prefer...
00:06:59Tide.
00:07:00You may have my daughter to be a criminal psychopath.
00:07:04And I'll see you lose your license.
00:07:05Dad, the doctor's only doing his job.
00:07:07Since when does his job include ruining a young girl's life?
00:07:09Dad, will you calm down?
00:07:29We're official.
00:07:31Census Bureau records now list the Applegates as an average American family
00:07:34hitting every statistical norm right on the nose.
00:07:36Understood?
00:07:37Good.
00:07:38Now drill.
00:07:40Applegate.
00:07:40Jane.
00:07:40Age 38.
00:07:41Occupation homemaker.
00:07:42I met my husband at Maryland University where I majored in home economics.
00:07:45Applegate.
00:07:45Sally.
00:07:45Born.
00:07:46Baltimore, 1971.
00:07:47Scorpio.
00:07:47I enjoy swimming.
00:07:48Chicken McNuggets and gymnastics.
00:07:49Kiss on the second date.
00:07:50Applegate.
00:07:50Johnny.
00:07:51Hobbies include science, baseball, and, uh...
00:07:53Heavy metal music.
00:07:55And heavy metal music.
00:07:56And I'm 15.
00:07:58At ease.
00:08:00Study these statistics.
00:08:02They'll help us determine what's normal, even if we do find it repulsive.
00:08:06It's imperative that we maintain a believable cover while I infiltrate and sabotage the nuclear power plant.
00:08:11Let's nuclear that.
00:08:14Lesson number one.
00:08:16Most people say nuclear.
00:08:17Next time, get it right.
00:08:23You come glowingly recommended, Richard.
00:08:25We're lucky to have you, Tate Lawrence.
00:08:27I worked with the same system in Baltimore for seven years, Mr. Withers.
00:08:30I can debug anything.
00:08:31Yes, but this is a nuclear power plant, not a rent-a-car firm.
00:08:34Do you realize the danger of letting so much as one glitch slip by?
00:08:37I understand that a reactor catastrophe can kill a minimum of 50,000 people, injure another one to 500,000,
00:08:43and render uninhabitable a landmass the size of Delaware.
00:08:45Good.
00:08:46You'll start tomorrow.
00:08:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:08:49What?
00:08:50What's the...
00:08:51Come on, come on, come on, come on.
00:08:53Tuck your shirt in.
00:08:55Strictly average, ladies.
00:08:56Good enough for me.
00:08:58You'll sing a different tune when your parents get your report cards, sweetie.
00:09:01Coach Himmler always rags on Mondays.
00:09:03She doesn't scare me.
00:09:05Wait till she corners you in the shower.
00:09:08Hi, boys.
00:09:10Don't pop a chubby on our account.
00:09:12Hey, Courtney, who's your friend?
00:09:15Vince Sampson.
00:09:16Voted best hair in the senior class.
00:09:18I'm Sally Applegate.
00:09:20Whoa, time out.
00:09:21You guys moved into the house across the street from us, right?
00:09:24I guess so.
00:09:26Then you met my dad already.
00:09:28He didn't tell me we had such a tasty new neighbor.
00:09:31Keep it in your pants, Sampson.
00:09:33We gotta go.
00:09:37What's a new girl like?
00:09:38I think she needs her temperature taken with an all-beef thermometer.
00:09:43He's kinda cute.
00:09:44And he knows it.
00:09:45Too bad he's such a worm.
00:09:48Watch this worm.
00:09:49That's really neat, Junior.
00:09:51Heads up!
00:09:54That's a warning, Cartwright.
00:09:56The next time you think on us, we knife you.
00:09:59Gosh.
00:10:00I didn't tell.
00:10:01Smoke?
00:10:02Oh, come on.
00:10:03Apple seed everybody smokes.
00:10:05Except for dorks like Cartwright.
00:10:07Absolutely.
00:10:082.3% of all 15-year-olds smoke.
00:10:10You said you were into metal.
00:10:12Yo.
00:10:13Get hip.
00:10:16Dipshit.
00:10:17Stay away from Kevin and Kenny.
00:10:19They're hooked on Jerry's kids.
00:10:21What's that?
00:10:22Some kind of dope.
00:10:23It makes you act like a spaz.
00:10:29Hmm.
00:10:38Dick Applegate.
00:10:40Ma'am.
00:10:41Yes, ma'am.
00:10:42Santé.
00:10:44The lines are tapped, so we'll have to speak English.
00:10:47Give me an update.
00:10:48The first infiltration is successful.
00:10:50We'll be ready to blow up the nuclear power plant by the time you get here.
00:10:53Now, they don't suspect that you're different at all, do they?
00:10:55We've taken every precaution to suggest normalcy.
00:10:58They're all convinced we're a typical American family.
00:11:01Okay.
00:11:01Well, just keep up.
00:11:05You homo sapient scum!
00:11:07Excuse me?
00:11:08Ah, nothing, nothing.
00:11:09It's just some asshole tried to rape me.
00:11:11Look, uh, just keep up the act, and we'll buzz up there in about three months and finish the job.
00:11:16Check.
00:11:16Oh, oh, and Dick, one more thing.
00:11:18Yeah.
00:11:19Uh, if you screw up, I will personally suck the juice from your exocranium.
00:11:24Comprende?
00:11:26Yes, ma'am.
00:11:29How's Aunt Bea?
00:11:30Her usual cheerful self.
00:11:32Those darn queens.
00:11:33How's the pie coming?
00:11:34You know, cooking is a lot easier than I thought.
00:11:41Another slice of chocolate coming up.
00:11:47So, how was school today, Sally?
00:11:49I tried it for cheerleading.
00:11:51Who gave you permission?
00:11:53All the girls are doing it.
00:11:55Now, you know fully well that only 5% of all high school girls are cheerleaders.
00:12:00The rest are lepers.
00:12:01Your mother's right, pumpkin.
00:12:03None of us can risk that kind of attention.
00:12:05I detest this place.
00:12:08I miss my friends.
00:12:09Yeah, me too.
00:12:16Johnny, eat some more sugar.
00:12:17You're still growing.
00:12:18I'm already full.
00:12:20If you don't eat your dinner, you can't have dessert.
00:12:23Did someone say dessert?
00:12:24I happened to find a pile of rancid trash in the dumpster behind the 7-Eleven.
00:12:33Dick, do you think we're jeopardizing the mission by bringing the children along?
00:12:36No, they're good for him, Ms. Jane.
00:12:39Well, why did they slip off?
00:12:41We're all highly adaptive creatures, honey.
00:12:44Besides, all we have to do is lay the groundwork until Aunt Bea gets here.
00:12:47It's not like we're asking them to dig tunnels or anything.
00:12:52Oh, Dick, you changed without me.
00:12:57I always forget how handsome you really are.
00:13:14Okay, crawlers, rise and mutate!
00:13:31For protection, many insects have chameleon-like qualities, able to take on the form of plants or even small animals.
00:13:40And, as everyone knows, insects would be the Earth's sole survivors after a nuclear holocaust.
00:13:46Did you know that there are more species of insects than there are individual humans?
00:13:51Etymologists speculate that millions of undiscovered species exist in the world.
00:13:59Kevin, Kenny, shut that off!
00:14:08All right, who learned something from the movie, huh?
00:14:16Ah, John Applegate.
00:14:19Well, I learned that insects do lots of good things for the environment.
00:14:23Please, bugs are sickening.
00:14:25They eat dog-do.
00:14:26Yeah, well, at least they don't go around tearing down forests, ruining the ecological chain, perforating the ozone layer and
00:14:32obliterating other species.
00:14:34Right on!
00:14:34Very good.
00:14:36That brings us to the next class assignment, which is to make a bug collection.
00:14:45What?
00:14:47And, Mr. Applegate, I expect a very thorough collection from you.
00:15:01Dottie, I need a full set of schematics for the control room. Can you track them down for me?
00:15:05I'll see what I can do, Mr. A.
00:15:20Hold still, fella.
00:15:26I'm not gonna hurt you.
00:15:28This is for your own good, pal.
00:15:31Mr. A?
00:15:33Mr. A?
00:15:39I've got a fly trapped in here. Can you lend a hand?
00:15:41You want me to squash it for you?
00:15:43No! Just, uh, grab that piece of paper to trap it.
00:15:48What's this about schematics to the control room?
00:15:50Oh, I just wanted to take a copy home to work on that system analysis you asked for.
00:15:54If I knew Dottie was gonna bother you about it.
00:15:56Sorry, Richard, those documents are highly classified.
00:16:01And what are you doing on top of that desk?
00:16:04I've got a fly trapped in here.
00:16:05Well, squash the damn thing and get back to work.
00:16:08This is a nuclear power plant, not a wildlife preserve.
00:16:21Oh, sorry.
00:16:32Bingo.
00:16:40Grow a backbone already.
00:16:42Jeez.
00:16:45How am I supposed to study Romeo and Juliet with you blubbering like a day-old larva?
00:16:49Well, let's see you kill it.
00:16:50I would if I had to. It's not so hard to act human.
00:16:53Come on.
00:16:56Come on.
00:17:18Why, Mrs. Applegate? How kind of you to come to our church picnic.
00:17:22Thank you, Pastor Hooter. We were certainly impressed by your sermon this morning.
00:17:27And I am impressed by your chocolate delicacy. Is it homemade?
00:17:31It's an old family recipe.
00:17:40Steer clear of the deviled eggs my mom made them.
00:17:43I'm sort of on a diet anyway.
00:17:46Let's go eat out in the cemetery.
00:17:49What do you think I am, an idiot? I know about your rep.
00:17:52Come on, I'm not going to do anything. This is church.
00:17:56What lot of work are you into, Dick? Computers.
00:17:59Richard here is an expert in debugging.
00:18:02How do you like that? I'm a debugger myself.
00:18:04You work with computers?
00:18:06Hell no, I'm an exterminator.
00:18:09I'll let you try my pickle.
00:18:11In order to kill bugs, you've got to think like a bug.
00:18:14They know, if you catch them, they'll end up on the bottom of your shoe, all crushed.
00:18:20So what do they do?
00:18:22They try to blend in with the furniture.
00:18:25Funny I never thought of that.
00:18:27Well, that's why you need an expert.
00:18:28I could sniff out a bug through a cloud of French perfume.
00:18:32To me, it's not just a job.
00:18:34It's like religion or great sex.
00:18:39Know what I mean, Jane?
00:18:41Right.
00:18:41By the way, my rates are also very reasonable.
00:18:45I'll beat any advertised price in town.
00:18:48Thank you, Greg, but I keep a clean house.
00:18:51You'd be surprised.
00:18:53Some of the best-kept, most richest homes are outright infested.
00:18:58Hey, these deviled eggs are mighty tasty.
00:19:00Did everybody try one?
00:19:01Looks like Pastor Cooter isn't stopping with your eggs, Nita.
00:19:05My God, what a porker.
00:19:10I don't think I can commit to a relationship.
00:19:13I'm not asking you to go steady.
00:19:16Don't come any closer.
00:19:21I'm sorry, but you asked for it.
00:19:25That's okay.
00:19:26Hey, I like rough trade.
00:19:31Aren't they cute?
00:19:35Oh, damn.
00:19:37These bugs have been chewing on me all day.
00:19:40Time to bring out the latest in high tech.
00:19:43What you got there, Greg?
00:19:45Sonic bug repeller.
00:19:46It spits out a sound you and me can't hear.
00:19:49Sweet Jesus.
00:19:51It drives those little creatures bonkers.
00:19:54You can take this out, kid.
00:19:59Wherever you are that bugs are bothering you,
00:20:01you can get these things turned on.
00:20:03If you're just going to sit down beside you,
00:20:06wherever you are,
00:20:07the bugs are going to drop dead.
00:20:12Nothing's brought on a nice day.
00:20:14More than a human-infested picnic.
00:20:16How was your day, Sally?
00:20:18It was okay.
00:20:20You spent the whole time rolling in the mud with that Vince person.
00:20:23Sally, you keep away from that boy.
00:20:24His father's a killer.
00:20:28I'll break into the records room here on the main floor of the plant.
00:20:33Then once I get the schematics,
00:20:34this will be our line of attack.
00:20:37Off to the mall.
00:20:38Be back later.
00:20:39Why don't you take your brother along?
00:20:42Mother, please.
00:20:43He's so immature.
00:20:45Do as your mother says.
00:20:47Your brother spends too much time in his room.
00:20:56Okay, get lost.
00:20:58What about the mall?
00:21:00Hey, where are you really going?
00:21:02None of your beeswax.
00:21:04How am I going to get home?
00:21:06You should have thought of that before you came along.
00:21:08Scram.
00:21:09Scram.
00:21:10Scram.
00:21:13Scram.
00:21:14Scram.
00:21:14Scram.
00:21:15Scram.
00:21:16Scram.
00:21:17Scram.
00:21:18Scram.
00:21:46So I guess you play a lot of sports.
00:21:48I go in for all kinds of extracurricular activities.
00:21:58What happened to your neck?
00:22:00I must have got bit my mosquito at the picnic.
00:22:08All right.
00:22:09More rough trade.
00:22:10No, listen.
00:22:11I have to pick up my brother.
00:22:12Don't worry about that little twerp.
00:22:15I have to pick up my daughter.
00:22:28Human trash.
00:22:33Wait a minute.
00:22:34What are you doing?
00:22:35I don't want to do this.
00:22:36You do when you know it.
00:22:39Stop.
00:22:43Come on.
00:22:45Oh, Sam.
00:22:47Stop or I'll make you stop.
00:22:49It's too late.
00:23:06Where's mommy?
00:23:08Mommy, here's mommy.
00:23:27She dumped me off in the middle of nowhere.
00:23:30I had to walk home.
00:23:31Sally, I want an explanation.
00:23:33He's lying.
00:23:35When we got to the mall, he ran off.
00:23:37I met some friends and we shopped until nine o'clock.
00:23:40I waited around two hours before I left.
00:23:42You did not.
00:23:44Why would I leave you there?
00:23:46I was worried sick that something happened to you.
00:23:49She's making it up.
00:23:51I'm disappointed in you, Johnny.
00:23:52You exercised very poor judgment walking home.
00:23:55Now I'm going to have to ground you for two weeks.
00:23:57What?
00:23:57Now apologize to your sister.
00:24:00I hate all of you.
00:24:05Sally, keep an eye on him.
00:24:07If he slips, we could all wind up in the ant farm.
00:24:16Dick Applegate.
00:24:18Hello there.
00:24:20What?
00:24:22Oh, my God.
00:24:23No, no, I haven't.
00:24:26When?
00:24:27Tonight?
00:24:28Yes, of course we'll be there.
00:24:30Bye-bye.
00:24:36Something terrible has happened.
00:24:39What?
00:24:40The Samson boy's been kidnapped.
00:24:42He didn't come home last night.
00:24:44Wow.
00:24:46Jesus H.
00:24:47Is there no one safe from the human crime element?
00:24:50Even our own children.
00:24:52Greg Samson called for meeting at the town hall tonight.
00:24:55We should go.
00:24:57And now no one is safe here in Median.
00:25:00Because if this could happen to a good kid like my Vince,
00:25:04it could happen to any of your children.
00:25:07Oh, dear God.
00:25:08Bring me back, my little boy.
00:25:10You never hurt nobody.
00:25:13Sheriff Heidegger, might you have something to do?
00:25:17I think the most important thing is not to become hysterical.
00:25:22This is an isolated incident, so there's no reason to panic.
00:25:27How can you say that?
00:25:28No one's seen Vincent for 24 hours.
00:25:31Isn't that a good reason?
00:25:31If there was no ransom note, he might have simply run away.
00:25:35Or he might be at the bottom of the Chiquita Hoochie River.
00:25:38Everyone can help us.
00:25:40If some butthole tried to kidnap me, I'd cut off his dick with my shit.
00:25:44This is bullshit, man.
00:25:46Vince probably skipped to Columbus for some big city boontang.
00:25:49Yeah.
00:25:50Hey, Appleseed, your family's loaded, right?
00:25:53Well, yeah, my dad makes an average salary.
00:25:56If you want, we can invest some of your bread.
00:25:59Double your dough, man.
00:26:00Really?
00:26:01Well, how much do you need?
00:26:03At least two C's.
00:26:04Two what?
00:26:06Two hundred dollars, dipshit.
00:26:08I don't know.
00:26:09That's a lot.
00:26:10Filch it from your old man.
00:26:11No way.
00:26:12If he found out, he'd excrete a break.
00:26:15Besides, I'm already grounded for two weeks.
00:26:18Parents are pigs.
00:26:22Since the sheriff doesn't want to get involved, it looks like we're going to have to protect ourselves.
00:26:28Now, hold on a minute.
00:26:29Hold your own goddamn minute.
00:26:31Gentlemen, please.
00:26:33Let's go.
00:26:33Let's go.
00:26:33Johnny.
00:26:34Do you like Johnny?
00:26:34Was he Johnny?
00:26:37Four weeks!
00:26:39I'll ground you permanently if you continue to jeopardize our mission.
00:26:45Who are pigs?
00:26:4840, 60, 80, 200.
00:26:51Not bad, Appleface.
00:26:52Where'd you get it?
00:26:52I stole it from my old man.
00:26:54So how are you going to invest it?
00:26:56The drop's tonight after Wienerschnitzel.
00:26:58Seven o'clock.
00:26:59Be there.
00:27:00I can't.
00:27:01I'm still grounded.
00:27:02Bummer, dude.
00:27:06Oh, that's my bitch sister.
00:27:08I gotta go.
00:27:10Later.
00:27:11See ya.
00:27:12Hey, Sally.
00:27:12Can you believe that shit about Vince?
00:27:15What about it?
00:27:16I bet some pervo's got him tied up with barbed wire, juicing his testicles with an electric
00:27:21handlebred.
00:27:21If he hasn't wasted him already.
00:27:24Who cares, anyway?
00:27:38Timing for bargains, Jane?
00:27:41Oh.
00:27:42Hi, Opa.
00:27:43Hey.
00:27:44You want to go shopping?
00:27:45Um, no, thanks.
00:27:46I've really got a lot of errands to do, and, um, I, uh, where's my car?
00:27:52It was here a minute ago.
00:27:55Honey, don't they tow cars where you come from?
00:27:58Tow?
00:27:59Come on, get in the car.
00:28:01I'll take you to the garage.
00:28:04You really don't mind?
00:28:06No problem.
00:28:06I just have to make a few stops first.
00:28:11I'm not really much of a consumer, Opal.
00:28:13Oh, really, Jane?
00:28:14That sounds so un-American.
00:28:16Oh.
00:28:17What do you think of this?
00:28:19It'd look great on you.
00:28:21Oh, I'm sure that dress would cost a fortune.
00:28:23So, put it on plastic.
00:28:26Plastic?
00:28:27You know, credit cards.
00:28:28You did bring yours, didn't you?
00:28:30No, we don't.
00:28:31Dick, uh, doesn't let me have any.
00:28:34Janey, never let a husband deprive you of life's basic necessities.
00:28:39Now, where it says occupation, do I say housewife?
00:28:43Hell no.
00:28:44Say you sell Mary Kay cosmetics.
00:28:46But that's a lie.
00:28:47What did they check up on me?
00:28:48Put my name down as your boss, and I'll tell him you earned 50 grand last year.
00:28:52Oh, look, this bracelet goes perfect with the dress.
00:28:55You know, Opal, I really think I should check with Dick before I spend all this money.
00:28:58What is the point of instant credit if you've got a way to use it?
00:29:02At least get it on approval.
00:29:09This poor plant is dying.
00:29:12Oh, yeah, they all dry up here.
00:29:14It's the radiation.
00:29:15You should see what it does to my cuticles.
00:29:18What a shame.
00:29:18These roses are so beautiful when they're in bloom.
00:29:21It still looks okay to me.
00:29:24I suppose even a fading flower is still a flower.
00:29:29That's very poetic, Mr. A.
00:29:32What I meant to say is some flowers look their best just before the petals drop.
00:29:35Sort of a last burst of beauty.
00:29:41You're a very sensitive man, Mr. Aide.
00:29:50I might as well tell you, Dottie, sensitive or not, I'm a married man.
00:29:54I didn't mean it that way.
00:29:56I know.
00:29:56Do I look like a homewrecker?
00:29:58No, of course not.
00:29:59I'm sorry.
00:30:00If you ask me, you're the one with sex on the brain.
00:30:17What did you say this drink was called, Ken?
00:30:20Grasshopper.
00:30:23That's too sweet if you ask me.
00:30:25No, I don't think so.
00:30:26I'm sorry, Mrs. Withers, but this one didn't go through either.
00:30:30Okay, sugar, pick one of these.
00:30:33These bastards at American Express, they never give an inch.
00:30:38So, what do you think of it here in Median?
00:30:41I'm not really used to being alone in the house all day, but...
00:30:44You can go shopping with me anytime.
00:30:48That's very nice of you.
00:30:51Would you excuse me for a moment?
00:30:53When she comes back, I'll have another.
00:30:58Hi!
00:31:02Honey, I'm home.
00:31:04Where have you been?
00:31:05I've been chewing the carpet waiting for you to get home.
00:31:06Oh, it was awful.
00:31:09Opal Withers made me wallow in decadent consumerism.
00:31:12Why didn't you call?
00:31:13There's a kidnapper on the loose.
00:31:15For all I knew, you were dead.
00:31:16Oh.
00:31:17I'm sorry.
00:31:18The car was towed.
00:31:19Not to mention dinner.
00:31:20There's not a speck of trash around the house.
00:31:22The kids and I had to eat the morning paper.
00:31:24I said I was sorry.
00:31:25I don't know what more I can say.
00:31:27What is that you're wearing?
00:31:28You like it?
00:31:30No.
00:31:31What is all this junk?
00:31:34God, humans do such repulsive things to their bodies.
00:31:37Wait a second.
00:31:38How did you pay for this?
00:31:39I put it on credit.
00:31:41Another vile human custom.
00:31:43Just make sure you take it all back.
00:31:45We're not made of money, you know.
00:31:50Open up, applesauce.
00:31:58Hey, keep it down, you guys.
00:32:03You guys got my money?
00:32:04No way, man.
00:32:05We got something better.
00:32:06Check it out.
00:32:10Righteous puna, dude.
00:32:13Oh, no.
00:32:17No, you don't eat it, moron.
00:32:19You smoke it.
00:32:21Gee, I guess you're that safe.
00:32:24We do it all the time.
00:32:25Look at us.
00:32:28All right.
00:32:30One more puff.
00:32:35Hand me that roach, man.
00:32:37What?
00:32:37The roach.
00:32:39Well, are you loaded or what?
00:32:43Oh, no.
00:32:44Everything's spinning.
00:32:49Hey, hey.
00:32:50Don't wrap on that dude.
00:32:51Yeah, give it here.
00:32:58Dude.
00:32:59This pot must be dusted.
00:33:01He looks like a mutant.
00:33:02Man, this is some creepy shit.
00:33:10What happened to Johnny?
00:33:12What happened to Johnny?
00:33:12I think that fucking mutant made him.
00:33:14Oh, no, man.
00:33:15He's gonna fucking eat us.
00:33:22Now, I'll admit I underestimated the problem at first.
00:33:25So I now advise all of you to keep watch on your neighbors.
00:33:29And let me know if you suspect any foul play.
00:33:33You're right, Sheriff.
00:33:35But it's going to take more than vigilance to lick this problem.
00:33:39It's going to take money, too.
00:33:42Now, how do we raise the funds to put the pictures of God's little lambs on milk cartons?
00:33:48We could have a big sale.
00:33:51Nobody wants to buy your old moldy cakes, Martha.
00:33:54I have a better idea.
00:33:56Let's put on a musical.
00:33:58Dinky wrote a show.
00:34:00What's it about, Russell?
00:34:01It's a review.
00:34:03Now, Opal, don't embarrass me.
00:34:07The show's called People Are Neat.
00:34:11And it's about peace, love, brotherhood, and the free market system.
00:34:17That sounds dandy.
00:34:19Amen.
00:34:20Let me add that if I catch the kidnapper of my poor son,
00:34:25I'll offer him Christian forgiveness.
00:34:29Then I'll skin his hunkers and use them for chamois cloths.
00:34:33Amen.
00:34:35According to the EPA, the greenhouse effect has been greatly exaggerated.
00:34:40Dick?
00:34:41What?
00:34:42What do you think of this?
00:34:44Think about what?
00:34:46A greenhouse.
00:34:47You put one in the backyard.
00:34:49It's tropical foliage, climate control, automatic mist regulator, only $12,000.
00:34:55The kids would love it.
00:34:58What do you think about putting down that brochure and doing a little maiden?
00:35:01You know we're not in season.
00:35:03Come on.
00:35:04Just for the heck of it.
00:35:07You know, I don't think you're taking this greenhouse thing seriously.
00:35:11We've been here two months.
00:35:12All you've done is spend money.
00:35:14I'm just trying to act like a normal American housewife.
00:35:17Yeah, well, you've nearly depleted our bank account in the process.
00:35:20Besides, normal housewives have sex with their husbands, and not just for procreation.
00:35:25Not according to my research.
00:35:26Yeah, yeah.
00:35:27Your research.
00:35:29Have fun sleeping alone tonight, Dick.
00:35:36It's past your bedtime.
00:35:38What are you going to do about it?
00:35:39Would you go to your room, and for Christ's sake, would you clean it up?
00:35:42Not even humans are that filthy.
00:35:53How can we do your back?
00:35:55Okay.
00:35:55Again, the design is that the machine does all the work.
00:35:58It weighs eight pounds.
00:35:59It balances itself on the four corners.
00:36:01And it has a heavy-duty motor built for long, heavy-duty use.
00:36:05How is it on the feet?
00:36:06Well, if you're treating someone else, what you do is just face the feet apart to put the outside balls,
00:36:10and just let them for sale, and a thing like that.
00:36:13Oh, I bet you'd say it would do so.
00:36:15Absolutely.
00:36:16If I was to say, put it on one-time to the body, it was the best way to put
00:36:20it on the feet.
00:36:21Hello.
00:36:22I'm calling in regard to the wellness thumper.
00:36:33Shit.
00:36:35Well, I don't understand.
00:36:36I have $1,000 as my limit.
00:36:39I just got the card today.
00:36:43You know, I'll have you know that over 300,000 businesses in this country accept the Discover card.
00:37:14Oh, shit.
00:37:16Oh.
00:37:19so anyway we went shopping for this baby furniture and i found the most incredible
00:37:25antique baby crib at a steel for 2000 even though jeffrey prefers the mahogany one
00:37:32he feels so guilty about being sterile i think he's gonna get it for me despite the fact you
00:37:39know that i'm really sally how long have you been pregnant uh almost three months well you're
00:37:44hardly showing are you kidding look at this wow is your husband excited what husband pinhead
00:37:58the jerk skipped town and took his trailer with him how does that make you feel i feel bitter
00:38:04gail i hate men right on sister
00:38:34going to rio amigo
00:38:50well we'll never get to ohio at this rate maybe it's your dress
00:39:00look i want you to wait out in the river and flag that boat down
00:39:04there are piranhas in there so i'm not going in the water
00:39:08hey corey a big bug like you is afraid of a few little fish they're providers they're about that
00:39:13big that boat is not going to stop
00:39:15help help my baby's down
00:39:25help me please
00:39:26help my child
00:39:29hey my child
00:39:31it's under the bubble
00:39:32my baby got dropped into the river
00:39:45okay everybody load up let's go move move out
00:39:53can't you drones make this boat go any faster at all we're still 600 k's from rio
00:40:00i hate doing this i heard that hector those courageous applicants risking their necks to save our species
00:40:07and all you can do is think about yourself
00:40:10so so
00:40:13you can do is think about yourself
00:40:40like
00:40:41Mrs. Applegate?
00:40:42Yes, Sheriff?
00:40:43Is your daughter home?
00:40:45Has she done something wrong?
00:40:47She hasn't been to school for a week, and I need to ask a few questions.
00:40:52Why won't you come right in?
00:41:00Why are you asking me?
00:41:02Some of your friends at school said they saw you with Vince the night he disappeared.
00:41:07That's a lie.
00:41:08Why?
00:41:09He asked me out, but I said no based on his behavior at the church picnic.
00:41:12What did he do at the picnic?
00:41:14He tried to get me drunk.
00:41:16He got some beer in Akron.
00:41:17In Akron?
00:41:18Yeah.
00:41:18He met some older guy there who got it for him after the game.
00:41:21Who was this guy, did he say?
00:41:23I don't know.
00:41:24Larry somebody?
00:41:25It started with a K.
00:41:27What else did Vince say about this guy?
00:41:29Nothing.
00:41:30Just that he was real friendly, you know?
00:41:33Do you think there might have been any homosexual activity?
00:41:40It's me.
00:41:42Well, Vince didn't seem like that type.
00:41:51Maybe he was in the closet.
00:42:16You didn't see anything, Spike.
00:42:30How come you never mentioned this man, Larry, before?
00:42:33I forgot about it.
00:42:37What happened that night you took Johnny to the mall?
00:42:39I met some friends.
00:42:42You didn't see Vince, did you?
00:42:44What is this, Nuremberg?
00:42:46Answer my question.
00:42:47Lay off me, Mom.
00:42:48I feel sick enough already.
00:42:50You look plenty healthy to me.
00:42:57Does Daddy know you bought all this stuff?
00:42:59Don't change the subject.
00:43:00And when are you going back to school?
00:43:01I'm never going back to that hellhole.
00:43:06Young lady, you better drop that attitude
00:43:08or we're shipping you right back to Brazil.
00:43:09What?
00:43:15Oh, my God.
00:43:45Oh, my God.
00:44:31Oh, my God.
00:44:35Oh, my God.
00:45:06Oh, my God.
00:45:13Oh, my God.
00:45:15Oh, my God.
00:45:30Oh, my God.
00:45:44Oh, my God.
00:46:07Oh, my God.
00:46:35Oh, my God.
00:46:39Oh, my God.
00:47:07Oh, my God.
00:47:34Oh, my God.
00:47:36Oh, my God.
00:48:14Oh, my God.
00:48:14Oh, my God.
00:48:24Oh, my God.
00:48:57Oh, my God.
00:49:00Oh, my God.
00:49:19Oh, my God.
00:49:35Oh, my God.
00:49:47Oh, my God.
00:49:59Oh, my God.
00:50:29Oh, my God.
00:50:33Oh, my God.
00:51:21Oh, my God.
00:51:26Oh, my God.
00:51:59Oh, my God.
00:52:26Oh, my God.
00:52:29Oh, my God.
00:52:58Oh, my God.
00:52:58Oh, my God.
00:53:37Oh, my God.
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00:54:25Oh, my God.
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00:58:24Oh, my God.
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01:00:07Oh, my God.
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01:29:02Oh, my God.
01:29:04Oh, my God.
01:29:34Oh, my God.
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