- 10 ore fa
I film horror sono pellicole pensate per suscitare paura, tensione e suspense attraverso storie di mostri, fantasmi, serial killer, demoni, creature soprannaturali o eventi inspiegabili. Il genere comprende numerosi sottogeneri, come slasher, paranormal, zombie, thriller psicologico, found footage e survival horror, con classici intramontabili e produzioni moderne che hanno segnato la storia del cinema.
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00:00:00www.mesmerism.info
00:00:30www.mesmerism.info
00:01:00www.mesmerism.info
00:01:05www.mesmerism.info
00:01:05www.mesmerism.info
00:01:05www.mesmerism.info
00:01:07Don't be so down on yourself!
00:01:09I've been sitting on my lard for far too long.
00:01:12I promised my mama
00:01:14that I'd finish what I started
00:01:16and I'd never lie to mama.
00:01:18It's high time
00:01:20that I'd find that gal
00:01:21and cut her down to size.
00:01:23But how are you gonna find her?
00:01:27What's this?
00:01:29Huh
00:01:32Holy shit
00:01:33Who is that?
00:01:36It's that
00:01:37bitch that turned me into this tasty
00:01:39shell of a man.
00:01:41What are you gonna do when you find her?
00:01:43I'm gonna fucking kill her
00:01:45That's awesome!
00:01:47Ha ha ha!
00:01:48Forget it back, Peggy!
00:01:50It's so hot!
00:01:51Ha ha!
00:01:53Ha ha ha ha!
00:01:56Ha ha ha ha!
00:02:19Grazie a tutti.
00:02:44Grazie a tutti.
00:03:25Grazie a tutti.
00:03:46Grazie a tutti.
00:04:14Grazie a tutti.
00:04:57Grazie a tutti.
00:07:28Grazie a tutti.
00:08:30Grazie a tutti.
00:09:03Grazie a tutti.
00:09:38Grazie a tutti.
00:09:41Grazie a tutti.
00:09:43Grazie a tutti.
00:09:51Grazie a tutti.
00:09:54That's cool.
00:09:55That's cool.
00:12:27A bit lost, Miss Felicity.
00:12:30We thought we were rid of Ebi for good, but like a bad buzz, she came back with a vengeance.
00:12:34But when it came to King Bong, but when it came to King Bong, but when it came to King
00:12:47Bong, she was a sweetheart.
00:12:48There's another one, there's another one?
00:13:19No, no.
00:13:20Noi non ho mai visto prima!
00:13:22Help!
00:13:23Ok, girls!
00:13:26Help! Help!
00:13:28Oh, yeah!
00:13:30What happened to the delivery dude?
00:13:32He's right there!
00:13:33On the floor!
00:13:35Come on now, girls!
00:13:37Show them what you're working with!
00:13:38Help! I'm a fucking doobie!
00:13:41He's tiny!
00:13:43No!
00:13:45Wait, wait, what the hell is going on over here?
00:13:48Wait a minute! What is that?
00:13:49Boy, you better give me your necklace back! Don't you touch that necklace!
00:13:52You know how much money I spent on that shit!
00:13:54You better not, boy!
00:13:55I don't! Why you got this?
00:13:57Boy, I'm gonna walk your monkey ass!
00:13:59You understand me? Don't you hit me cut!
00:14:01Here, please!
00:14:04I'm gonna have to kill you!
00:14:06Oh, mama!
00:14:09Somebody please!
00:14:10These people are using all my power!
00:14:15You left one thing out of your story.
00:14:17They were skanks?
00:14:19We are so done talking about them!
00:14:21Nyah!
00:14:23Your grandpa!
00:14:24Don't forget about him!
00:14:25God rest his soul!
00:14:27Oh, I've been trying to forget about gramps!
00:14:29But not enough good weed in the world can do that!
00:14:31Hey now, he played an important part in all of this!
00:14:34He sure did!
00:14:35That insulting old turd!
00:14:38What the fuck are you doing here?
00:14:40Well, if that's the way you're gonna play it, then that's on a need to know too!
00:14:43What you need to know, sonny boy, is that if your eensy weensy teeny little penis was a worm on
00:14:50a hook, it wouldn't feed a goddamn guppy!
00:14:53Hey, how about I just leave you two to your little love fest here, okay?
00:14:58Who was it summoned, the good doctor?
00:15:02That'd be me, Gramps!
00:15:04You!
00:15:05Actually, Gramps, we kinda need your help!
00:15:08The only help you're likely to get from me is a retroactive abortion!
00:15:12He's the one who led us into that jungle in the first place!
00:15:15I have it all under control, eh?
00:15:20Shit, Larnow was right!
00:15:21These aliens are gonna totally work us over!
00:15:24And then that alien bong fell to Earth, and he thought he could use it to take over the world's
00:15:28weed business!
00:15:30Weed!
00:15:31Weed!
00:15:31Oh!
00:15:35Oh!
00:15:36Oh!
00:15:38Oh!
00:15:39Oh!
00:15:39Oh!
00:15:42Oh!
00:15:43Oh!
00:15:43I feel this!
00:15:45I'm afraid of some minors!
00:15:47No!
00:15:48No!
00:15:49No!
00:15:51No!
00:15:52No!
00:15:52No!
00:15:53No!
00:15:53No!
00:15:54No!
00:15:54No!
00:15:55No!
00:15:58We barely got out of there alive.
00:16:00Again.
00:16:01Yeah, but if it wasn't for your Gramps, we would never have met.
00:16:04Every rose has its freakin' thorn, man.
00:16:09That's the biggest crock of shit I ever heard, man.
00:16:14Alien bongs, king bongs, evil bongs.
00:16:19Insubordination.
00:16:20Eat a dick, dick.
00:16:22The hardest part to believe is you got friends.
00:16:25Where are they?
00:16:26Call them up.
00:16:28Well, we don't talk about them anymore.
00:16:32Hey, baby.
00:16:35Why don't you go out with a real man?
00:16:37Once you go small, you're never gonna go tall.
00:16:42You are the worst employee ever, freak.
00:16:45How am I gonna build an empire on your shoulders?
00:16:47You're not.
00:16:49Okay, while you two lovebirds sort this out, I've got a real job to go to.
00:16:53Oh, don't go yet, babe.
00:16:54I'll come back after work.
00:16:56That's cool.
00:16:57But, uh, being the boss is a lot tougher than I thought.
00:17:01Hey, keep your eye on the prize.
00:17:03Big profits, big future, big ring.
00:17:07The biggest.
00:17:08You know, we've never really talked about it, but I am so glad that evil bong is nowhere to be
00:17:13found.
00:17:14Oh, yeah, it's long gone.
00:17:16I don't know if it was destroyed or lost to time and space, but I'm just glad that it's gone.
00:17:21And I hope it stays that way.
00:17:22Of course it's gonna stay that way. I mean, why wouldn't it?
00:17:25She is gone for good. Totally gone. Never gonna come back.
00:17:28Are you okay?
00:17:30Yeah, perfect, perfect. I am perfect. Completely fine.
00:17:34You're acting weird.
00:17:35Well, that's what studs act like.
00:17:38Okay. I'll see you later.
00:17:40Love you.
00:17:42Love you, dude.
00:17:46She makes me want to touch myself.
00:17:49She makes me want to touch myself.
00:18:27Well, it's time to make some greenbacks, Tarzan.
00:18:30Now, listen. I want you to keep an eye on those two morphodites.
00:18:34Why?
00:18:35Well, to my trained eye, they look like people of nefarious taste.
00:18:39Check it out. It's nice.
00:18:43It's my untrained eye. They're in a head shop. And they're your only customers all day.
00:18:50See, this is why I'm the big boss man. Watch and learn, Romeo. Phase one is to make the customers
00:18:56believe you have a superior product. Nux.
00:19:05So what the hell are you two looking for?
00:19:09Um...
00:19:10We were, like, maybe in the market to procure a, like, bong or something.
00:19:19Well, freaks, I'm sorry to tell you that you are in the wrong place for such dubious treasures. We don't
00:19:26sell bongs. We are solely in the business of selling water pipes.
00:19:30Cut this shit, dick.
00:19:32My name's not Dick. That's just the name of the dude who used to run this place. I am the
00:19:38new purveyor of this establishment and my name's Larnell.
00:19:41Whatever. People don't use these things to blow bubbles. We want to score a gnarly bong and we want to
00:19:48blaze our future away, man.
00:19:50Yeah. We got, like, cash and shit.
00:19:53Yeah?
00:19:54Yeah.
00:19:56Well, phase one's accomplished. You want to know what phase two is?
00:20:00Yeah. Kill the shit out of them.
00:20:03Completely false. Phase two, we upsell the poor bastards.
00:20:10Well, I see you guys have taken a liking to some of our inferior products.
00:20:15But what I think you really want is something along the lines of this.
00:20:22Hm? This is the mother of all paraphernalia, my friend.
00:20:28Look, dick.
00:20:30Larnell.
00:20:31We just want to get so high our future great-grandchildren are, like, disappointed.
00:20:37Yeah, and we ain't buying anything until we try it first.
00:20:41You want to try it before you can buy it?
00:20:44That's right. And if you got a problem with that, we're out of here, man.
00:20:48Well, I'd like to see you try.
00:20:53Pee-knuckle!
00:20:54Just seeing how serious you were.
00:20:56We're, like, fucking serious.
00:20:58Then allow me to demonstrate.
00:21:03Get a little bit of the sacred plant here.
00:21:06We'll be a guest.
00:21:27Sweet mother of pearl.
00:21:33Now that is some of the finest bud you will ever smoke.
00:21:36Smoking skunk out of this baby.
00:21:38Like farting in a Corvette.
00:21:41You want to take it for a test drive?
00:21:44Thanks.
00:21:45Strap it up.
00:21:46Like on my head?
00:21:48You do it like this.
00:21:52Okay.
00:21:57Now you're going to want to take a nice, long, smooth tote.
00:22:05Suck it in.
00:22:07Breathe it in deep.
00:22:10You notice how smooth it is?
00:22:12But it's got some serious Beyoncé ass behind it, right?
00:22:17That's some rad weed, dick!
00:22:19I mean, I'm not sure.
00:22:21I'll have to try it again.
00:22:23Yeah.
00:22:24Me too.
00:22:26Really?
00:22:40Oh!
00:22:42I got this one.
00:22:44Remember, Squire.
00:22:45Phase one and phase two.
00:22:47Gotcha.
00:22:48It's working wonders for you so far.
00:22:51insubordination.
00:22:55What do you want, pig?
00:22:56I've been working on a line of merchandise.
00:22:59That I think will be perfect for your store.
00:23:02What the fuck is that supposed to be?
00:23:06Ooga. Ooga.
00:23:09I'll be frank with you.
00:23:11Old Hambo could use a bit of coin.
00:23:14A little light in the hayloft.
00:23:16But, uh...
00:23:17I was thinking maybe we could work out some kind of a trade or a...
00:23:22...concinement, um...
00:23:22Something like that.
00:23:23What do you say?
00:23:24What do you say?
00:23:24Yeah, Piggy.
00:23:26I could help you out, alright.
00:23:33You know, I'm just gonna hang right here and, uh, wait for your paladin, okay?
00:23:39Mother!
00:23:40This one, how ridiculous臭 of this one?
00:23:42Well, that's been fun.
00:23:43We're so annoying.
00:23:44This one?
00:23:45It's so annoying.
00:23:45No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:23:46I don't need to buy it.
00:23:47Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:23:48I don't know this one.
00:23:50What, really?
00:23:52I don't know this one.
00:23:53No, there's an intimate woman behind you.
00:23:55You're so annoying.
00:23:56I don't need to buy this one, I don't need to buy this one.
00:24:00You're so annoying.
00:24:01C'è un po' di più.
00:24:03Non c'è un po' di più.
00:24:05Non c'è un po' di più.
00:24:07Non c'è un po' di più.
00:24:08Help you?
00:24:09Oh, oh.
00:24:11Ciao.
00:24:13Ciao.
00:24:14This ain't the fucking zoo, Wang.
00:24:16What the hell?
00:24:18C'è un po' di più.
00:24:20Ok, ok.
00:24:21But I'd totally pokeymon your chick.
00:24:26Bubzilla unleashed.
00:24:27Non c'è un po' di più.
00:24:30Non c'è un po' di più.
00:24:30Look, Chin, what are you gonna buy?
00:24:32No buy.
00:24:33Yes, buy.
00:24:34No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:24:36I...
00:24:37Yes.
00:24:38Direction, ok?
00:24:40Car, rokey.
00:24:41No buy, ok?
00:24:43Boo hoo.
00:24:44Not ok, you drug your stupid asses in here to buy some expensive shit.
00:24:48That's what you did.
00:24:49What are you talking about?
00:24:50I don't even know what you're talking about.
00:24:51What are you talking about?
00:24:51What are you talking about?
00:24:53Look, look.
00:24:54Direction.
00:24:55Gotcha.
00:24:56I got you, alright.
00:24:59This is so cute.
00:25:01You're so sexy.
00:25:05This is too much.
00:25:08You helping me?
00:25:09Not a chance.
00:25:10Why can I take your picture?
00:25:12Huh?
00:25:13A picture.
00:25:14Clicky clicky.
00:25:15Oh, a picture.
00:25:16Oh, a picture, ok.
00:25:17Yeah, ok.
00:25:18I mean little dude.
00:25:19Yeah, you move.
00:25:20Chicky, you move.
00:25:21Yeah, yeah, that's right.
00:25:22That's right.
00:25:23You, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:25:24Ok, now hold your steering wheel out a little like that.
00:25:27That's it.
00:25:27Come on.
00:25:28Yeah, a little.
00:25:29Oh, that's it.
00:25:29That's it.
00:25:30Big, come on, come on.
00:25:31A big smile for me.
00:25:32A big, big smile.
00:25:33That's it.
00:25:36I can't forget how perfect this is.
00:25:40This is exactly what I was looking for.
00:25:46Thank you a little bit.
00:25:47You're not so sexy.
00:25:49This is a stupid man.
00:25:50No, no homosexual.
00:25:51No, no homosexual.
00:25:53I don't want to do anything.
00:25:54You're so sorry.
00:25:55Oh, my son.
00:25:56Hey, you're so sorry.
00:25:59My son.
00:26:02You're so sorry.
00:26:02I don't want to buy this.
00:26:03How are you paying 25 to 25?
00:26:05I don't want to buy this.
00:26:06We are not paying 25.
00:26:07I don't want to buy this.
00:26:08I don't want to buy this.
00:26:09I don't want to buy it.
00:26:09No, you don't want to pay me.
00:26:10You're so stupid, American people.
00:26:12I don't know.
00:26:13Fuck you, man.
00:26:14Next time I kill you.
00:26:15i'll kill you
00:26:17ok dudes
00:26:21you've test driven everything i got
00:26:22and you've smoked all my best weed
00:26:24don't be like a dick
00:26:27dick
00:26:27it's time to put your money where your zit face is
00:26:30we don't have any money
00:26:34but you said you had like tons of cash
00:26:37yeah
00:26:37but thanks for getting us like
00:26:40totally fucked up dick
00:26:42yeah bro
00:26:43the children
00:26:45I'm in our future, so our future's totally fucked, bro.
00:26:53String, escort these d-bags out of my shop.
00:26:57Get the fuck out!
00:27:24No one's ever gonna guess this Mondo combo.
00:27:56If Felicity knew about you, I'd be ankle-deep in horseshit.
00:28:00You are one nasty bitch, dude.
00:28:02But somehow, I am gonna figure out your secrets.
00:28:06Gramps willed you to me when he croaked.
00:28:08He was such an asshole.
00:28:11Used you for all his asshole schemes, but...
00:28:14I think you can be used for good, man.
00:28:16But until I figure that out, you are nothing but a paperweight.
00:28:37She thrives on weed.
00:28:38If I keep her deprived of it, she'll be cool.
00:28:42I think.
00:28:45Crap.
00:29:03Oh, wow.
00:29:07Those d-bags give you any trouble out there?
00:29:09No.
00:29:10What took you so long?
00:29:15Well, just keep your eye out, okay?
00:29:17That was some sweet kush they were smoking.
00:29:19I got a feeling they'll be back.
00:29:21I got a feeling they won't.
00:29:25Again, the reason why I'm the head honcho, Lindsay Brohan.
00:29:29You gotta have extrasensory perception to be the big boss man around here.
00:29:34Now, keep your eye out.
00:29:35I feel like trouble's gonna be walking through that door any second.
00:29:39I'm gonna do some big boss man shit over here.
00:29:42Okay?
00:29:53Hello, sir.
00:29:54How are you on this fine day?
00:29:56I don't answer personal questions.
00:29:58Are you the proprietor of this store?
00:30:02Does not compute, bro.
00:30:05Are you the owner?
00:30:06Not yet.
00:30:07And whom might the owner be?
00:30:11That would be...
00:30:13Rabbit?
00:30:15Larnell!
00:30:16That's the one.
00:30:18It's so good to see you.
00:30:19No, it's not.
00:30:20I told you I never wanted to see you again as long as I live.
00:30:25Easily arranged.
00:30:26Every time I see you, it's a giant pain in my ass.
00:30:31Oh, I assure you, my friend, I have changed my ways.
00:30:35I've heard that tune before, man.
00:30:37It sucked the first time, really blew the second time,
00:30:40and the third time was total butt-bomit.
00:30:43I have learned from my past mistakes.
00:30:46Really?
00:30:46Because the last time I saw you, you were a priest.
00:30:49That was a momentary lapse of reason.
00:30:52Are you aware that it's frowned upon to grow weed at a monastery?
00:30:58Fuckers.
00:30:59The sacred plant is God's gift for bad days and assholes.
00:31:03That's what I said.
00:31:04And apparently it's a huge no-no selling it out of confessionals.
00:31:10Total buzzkill.
00:31:12Fact.
00:31:13I don't care, man.
00:31:15Okay?
00:31:15I'm moving on, and I'm not looking back.
00:31:18You and I are more alike than you think, my friend.
00:31:21I, too, am a businessman.
00:31:24He's a traveling salesman.
00:31:26That's true.
00:31:27And the outdoors is my office.
00:31:30Well, then why don't you go back to your office?
00:31:32There's the door.
00:31:34Hey, give me a minute, would you?
00:31:36I didn't know this was your store when I walked into it.
00:31:40And a fine store it is, too.
00:31:43Where are the other guys?
00:31:44Yeah, where are they?
00:31:45We don't talk about them anymore.
00:31:48Okay.
00:31:50Gotcha.
00:31:51And if I may say, you were always the brainiac of the group.
00:31:57Yeah, Larnell, you're doing good.
00:31:59You're going to do good.
00:32:00You're already doing good.
00:32:01Look at this place.
00:32:03You know, you may be interested in what your old friend Rabbit has in this case.
00:32:09Maybe, but probably not.
00:32:11But for old time's sake, you've got exactly one minute.
00:32:15Go.
00:32:34That's Eby.
00:32:36That's right.
00:32:37All handcrafted, branded, official merchandise based on that damn evil bomb.
00:32:45But you don't own the rights to Eby.
00:32:47Does it really matter?
00:32:49You know, really?
00:32:50It's not like she's really around.
00:32:53I've got to admit, it's some pretty gnarly merch.
00:32:55Yep, I told you.
00:32:57You won't find this anywhere else, my friends.
00:33:00I'm a sole maker, supplier, distributor in the western hemisphere of the known universe.
00:33:06That's a pretty wide area of penetration, if I do say so myself.
00:33:12And I even have a few trademarks in the works.
00:33:14So you're keeping all the profits for yourself?
00:33:16Yes.
00:33:18I mean, no.
00:33:20You know, Larnell, it was kismet that I walked into your store today.
00:33:25Maybe, but probably not.
00:33:27Every time I see you, Rabbit, it's like I'm getting finger blasted in my asshole with a razor blade.
00:33:36Let me, uh, let me make it up to you, Larnell.
00:33:40Here.
00:33:41A little medicine for Papa?
00:33:43Let's see here.
00:33:45It's all sticks and skunk, man.
00:33:47It's worthless.
00:33:48It's still got a good kick to it.
00:33:50You're not getting anything in my shop unless you pay for it.
00:33:53Well, I wish there was something I could...
00:33:59You were always kind of goodish to me.
00:34:03Well, that cookie looks pretty tasty.
00:34:11That cookie looks pretty tasty, Rabbit.
00:34:29I can't believe I'm saying this about a cookie, but that is one sexy-looking cookie.
00:34:35You know where I can get one?
00:34:36It's a, uh, brand new bakery down the street.
00:34:41Uh, Do-Re-Mi Bakery.
00:34:43It's, uh, run by this real hot chick.
00:34:48She reminded me of, uh, Luann.
00:34:53Oh, whoa!
00:34:54Didn't you read the sign, man?
00:34:56Every time I hear that chick's name, it's like a bad acid trip.
00:35:00Sorry, Larnell.
00:35:02Did you come back into my life just to torture it?
00:35:05Huh?
00:35:05It's just been a long day, man.
00:35:07All I can think about are those damn cookies.
00:35:09Uh, where was that place again?
00:35:12Uh, it's close by.
00:35:13You could, you can walk there.
00:35:16All right, Shoestring.
00:35:17Now I want you to man the joint, okay?
00:35:20Keep an eye on this guy.
00:35:21Don't let him touch anything or do anything.
00:35:25Rabbit?
00:35:26Now I want you to sit in that back room and not do anything.
00:35:29Don't touch anything, don't say anything.
00:35:33Capisce?
00:35:34You don't have to worry about me.
00:35:36Famous last words.
00:36:27What can I get you?
00:36:29Uh, what's the hardest one to reach?
00:36:33Huh?
00:36:34Huh?
00:36:35Oh, nothing.
00:36:36Uh, uh, uh, uh, I want this one.
00:36:51No, not that one.
00:36:56I really had my heart set on this one right here.
00:37:02No.
00:37:02No, not that one.
00:37:04They're all the same.
00:37:06No, they're not.
00:37:07This one's much better.
00:37:10Okie doke.
00:37:14Oh, that's it.
00:37:16That's the one.
00:37:18I can't get my hands on it.
00:37:21Oh, you will.
00:37:22Just keep trying.
00:37:32Oh, I told you the other day to get out of here and I've made it.
00:37:37Got it.
00:37:39We're cool.
00:37:39Next time I see you, I'm calling the cops.
00:37:42Yeah, get out.
00:37:45I can't believe some people
00:37:47That was really hardcore of you though
00:37:49I mean, I've never seen you bark like that at somebody before
00:37:52Believe me, you old me would have never talked like that
00:37:56Certain things in life change with you
00:37:57If you don't mind my asking, what was the turning point?
00:38:01I don't like to talk about it
00:38:04But let me just say that it taught me life's a gift
00:38:08And it's far too short to take crap from anybody
00:38:11You have to stand up, stick up, and fight for what's right
00:38:15If you're going to make it in this world
00:38:16Because nobody is going to do it for you
00:38:19Whoa, you sounded just totally like the Terminator
00:38:23Oh, and speaking of moving up in the world
00:38:32The paper came, I haven't read it yet
00:38:34I wanted you to read it first
00:38:39Front page of how great the bakery is
00:38:42Can you believe it?
00:38:44Best in the city
00:38:45Well, what's it say?
00:38:49Nothing
00:38:51It's just a stupid article
00:39:00Wait for her life
00:39:02Blah, blah, blah
00:39:04Don't rape me
00:39:05Yay!
00:39:09Lone survivor of the serial killer, Millard Findelmeyer
00:39:13That's you?
00:39:14I'm so irritated at that stupid reporter
00:39:19She said that she wouldn't mention that part of my life
00:39:21And just focus on the bakery
00:39:24Well, you have to admit
00:39:25I mean, it's a pretty good selling point
00:39:28You're a celebrity
00:39:29Come on, tell me the whole story
00:39:31I mean, there's always more
00:39:32I just really want to forget about the whole thing
00:39:35Really?
00:39:36Okay?
00:39:37I'll never bring it up again
00:39:40Pinky swear
00:39:45I always loved diners
00:39:47And I dreamed of owning one of my own at one point
00:39:52Until that day
00:39:56And I'm required to do what my mother always taught me
00:40:00And that's to finish what I started
00:40:04And I'm not going to kill you
00:40:07But I have to honor my mother
00:40:32I gave up the diner dream, of course
00:40:35And my mom and I, we opened up a small bakery instead
00:40:40It also says here
00:40:41That after they fried him in the chair
00:40:43They cremated him
00:40:44And sent his ashes to his mother in Coonsboro
00:40:48How sick is that?
00:40:53Somehow he came back as a cookie
00:40:54And he killed all my friends and family
00:41:26I got him
00:41:27in the end, so that's my story.
00:41:30That's who I am today.
00:41:32Well, that explains the funky gingerbread cookies.
00:41:35They're about your real story with that psycho.
00:41:39I struggled for years to get that out of my life.
00:41:41Finally, I just decided to own it.
00:41:44You know, it's a part of me.
00:41:46When life gives you lemons, I make gingerbread men.
00:41:49You are a freaking superhero.
00:41:52I am not a hero.
00:41:55I'm just somebody who did the right thing.
00:41:57But you're normal.
00:41:58I mean, most of the time you'd be survivors,
00:42:00and, you know, they're not like you.
00:42:02What, they wear capes and utility belts?
00:42:05No, but, you know, like, they get all messed up,
00:42:09and then they walk around smelling like cat pee.
00:42:11I was almost the cat pee lady.
00:42:13I couldn't bake for years.
00:42:14I couldn't even be around flour, eggs, without freaking out.
00:42:17And then one day, something just changed.
00:42:21Like, the switch was flicked.
00:42:25And I realized that life has to go on.
00:42:28I got Millard in the end.
00:42:30And if I stopped living my life because of him,
00:42:33that means that he would have won.
00:42:35Heavy.
00:42:36Don't make a big deal about it.
00:42:38I'm over it.
00:42:40But I just want the world to enjoy my cookies.
00:42:44Well, if that's your goal,
00:42:47then maybe you should have started with that perv back there.
00:42:50Hey!
00:42:53Now, all I know is that Millard Fiedermeyer is dead.
00:42:57Okay?
00:42:58He won't be bothering anybody anymore.
00:43:24Hey, how's it going?
00:43:27How can I help you?
00:43:29Name's Larnell.
00:43:31I actually own a store right down the street,
00:43:32and I was hoping maybe we could talk some business.
00:43:35But first, I have got to get one of those cookies.
00:43:40Awesome.
00:43:48So fucking good.
00:43:50I got you now, bitch.
00:43:52I always thought because you turned me into this,
00:43:55you could reverse it somehow.
00:43:57But I want you dead just as much as I want to be a mannequin.
00:44:02Gonna make Mama proud tonight.
00:44:22Lauren Elle said don't touch anything.
00:44:28Lauren Elle said don't say anything.
00:44:34Oh, maybe he's right.
00:44:36I can't control my urges.
00:44:38Well, screw you, Lauren Elle.
00:44:40Some stallions can't be fenced in.
00:44:46I'll show you skunkin' sticks.
00:44:57I knew this was good.
00:45:00I'm hearing the angels.
00:45:18Keep talking, lady.
00:45:19I'll find you.
00:45:25Gotcha.
00:45:30Gotcha.
00:45:36Dang.
00:45:42420
00:45:45What kind of idiot
00:45:47Would use such an obvious combination
00:45:50To learn out
00:45:58Holy shit
00:46:01Get me out of here
00:46:04I really don't think I should
00:46:06Come on
00:46:08You and mother fucker
00:46:21Wow
00:46:23I never thought I'd see the likes of you again
00:46:26We moved again
00:46:28Okay, okay, okay
00:46:32Come on
00:46:34Come on
00:46:42I've kind of overstepped my boundaries already I think
00:46:46Get the brains open
00:46:48Hey, there's no call for that
00:46:49Come on
00:46:50I'll do it on one condition
00:46:52Anything
00:46:53What's that?
00:46:53You keep your voice down
00:46:55And you don't tell Lornell about any of this
00:46:58He'll tan my hide
00:47:02That sounds like a deal
00:47:10Better?
00:47:11Oh yeah
00:47:12Been in there a long time
00:47:14Been in that fucking safe forever
00:47:16It's been lonely in there
00:47:18Oh
00:47:22Weed
00:47:24You seem a little out of it
00:47:25I'm not sure if weed is the right thing for you right now
00:47:28You're weed cracker
00:47:31What about my weed?
00:47:33It brought me back
00:47:34Weed
00:47:36Is
00:47:37Life
00:47:39Tell me about it
00:47:40Shut up stupid
00:47:41Hey
00:47:42I'm a little cranky too
00:47:44When I first wake up
00:47:45And I
00:47:46Just
00:47:46The way this conversation is going
00:47:49I'm just gonna let it pass
00:47:50Listen, listen, listen
00:47:51Your weed sucks
00:47:54It isn't strong enough
00:47:55Beggars can't be choosers, lady
00:47:58This is all we got
00:48:00Baby, I need some real kush
00:48:02To make me whole again
00:48:04Well
00:48:05Sorry
00:48:06Check that place
00:48:07Come on
00:48:08Check it
00:48:08Come on
00:48:09Oh
00:48:12Yeah, that's right
00:48:13Oh, hey
00:48:16Yeah, baby
00:48:17That's what I'm talking about
00:48:18Smoke that shit
00:48:19Come on
00:48:20Smoke it, come on
00:48:21Nah
00:48:25I really shouldn't
00:48:26Don't you wanna see some fired ass titties?
00:48:31Always
00:48:31Put it in me, baby
00:48:33Come on
00:48:39I shouldn't be doing this, I don't think
00:48:41But
00:48:43Come on, baby
00:48:44Pack me up
00:48:45Come on, baby
00:48:47Okay
00:48:48Make me feel good
00:48:49Come on with it
00:48:50Ooh, yeah
00:48:52That's right
00:48:53Come on
00:48:53Come on
00:48:55Come on
00:48:56Come on
00:48:58Ooh, now suck me
00:49:00Ooh, yeah, baby
00:49:02Suck me
00:49:05Ooh, no
00:49:08Oh, that's right
00:49:10Ooh, no
00:49:12Baby, I am back
00:49:16What the fuck
00:49:17What the hell is going on in here?
00:49:20What the hell is going on in here?
00:49:21Holy shit, dip
00:49:22Get your little ass over here and smoke this shit
00:49:27Get back here!
00:49:28Come back here!
00:49:29Yeah
00:49:32Man, these are fucking awesome
00:49:33Thank you
00:49:35Sorry about the language
00:49:36Just
00:49:37Don't know how else to describe them
00:49:40I'll tell you whatever compliment comes my way
00:49:42Holy shit, asshole
00:49:44Do you ever shut up?
00:49:46Gonna get out of here so I can get to killing already
00:49:49So I was saying that I own this store down the street
00:49:51You know, I'm thinking that your bakery and my store might have a little synergistical chemistry
00:49:56You know, maybe we can do a little cross-promotionalization
00:50:01Something to kinda help us both out
00:50:03How's that?
00:50:04Well, it seems like your bakery is in the business of curing the munchies
00:50:08While my store is in the business of providing the munchies, so to speak
00:50:12And what kind of store do you say you own again?
00:50:14You know Dick Head Shop?
00:50:16I mean, Dick's Head Shop, that one
00:50:19Is that the one in the empty space next to the eyesore?
00:50:21No, I actually own the eyesore
00:50:26Oh, I'm sorry, that is not my thing
00:50:28Look, I promise you it'll be worth your time, okay?
00:50:31I've totally turned things around, it's actually pretty nice inside
00:50:35All classy and shit
00:50:37I don't know
00:50:38Well, of course you don't know because you haven't seen it
00:50:41Come on
00:50:42Give me five minutes and I promise you, you will change your mind
00:50:47What do you say, dude?
00:50:48Totally respectable environment
00:50:51What do you say?
00:50:53You make her
00:50:55I saw her first
00:50:57She's mine
00:50:58Just like that horrible boys to men song, I'm gonna get on bended knee
00:51:03Okay
00:51:05For five minutes
00:51:06You heading out?
00:51:07Do you promise you and Larry won't blow the place up while I'm gone?
00:51:10Scout's honor
00:51:14Awesome
00:51:15That's peace
00:51:29Shit, don't do that
00:51:32I'm gonna resist
00:51:36Sorry, honey
00:51:37Looks like you're next
00:51:43Sarah's gonna fire us both if we don't get these cookies done
00:51:46Screw the cookies, I'm watching your buns
00:51:50She said she'd be back in five minutes
00:51:52Well good, then we can do it twice
00:51:53Well good, then we can do it twice
00:52:05Oh
00:52:06Wait, wait, wait, wait
00:52:13Kinky
00:52:13Ha ha ha ha
00:52:20Ha ha ha
00:52:25Ha ha ha
00:52:27Ha ha ha ha
00:52:59Grazie a tutti.
00:53:19Grazie a tutti.
00:53:51Grazie a tutti.
00:55:10Grazie a tutti.
00:55:21Grazie a tutti.
00:55:23Grazie a tutti.
00:55:26Grazie a tutti.
00:55:36Grazie a tutti.
00:59:40Grazie a tutti.
00:59:43I don't think I can, but just so you don't think I'm completely crazy...
01:00:12Hey donut hole!
01:00:13That's really messed up.
01:00:15I told you so dude.
01:00:17Oh baby you know you wanna come suck on me.
01:00:19I'm a real woman.
01:00:21That bitch is so skinny there's no milk in her cartons.
01:00:24Shut up you little she devil.
01:00:26I need to think.
01:00:28Oh child.
01:00:29Look honey I don't shut up I grow up.
01:00:32And when I see you I fuck you up.
01:00:34What are you gonna do?
01:00:35I don't know man.
01:00:38I just I gotta have some pacing room.
01:00:41Hey what you doing?
01:00:42Hey what you doing?
01:00:43Wait wait what you doing?
01:00:44Pull me down boy.
01:00:45Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!
01:00:47Hey!
01:00:48Oh.
01:00:48Oh no.
01:00:50Nice new digs you got here.
01:00:53Too bad you gonna die in it.
01:00:54Can't you shut her up?
01:00:55No she's not gonna stop until she gets what she wants.
01:00:58And what is that exactly?
01:01:00Well she wants us to smoke from her so she can get stronger.
01:01:03I'm sorry to disappoint you lady.
01:01:05But I don't do that type of thing.
01:01:07Oh you will chicken head!
01:01:09String!
01:01:10Oh come on man where'd you go?
01:01:12Now is not the time to bug out on us.
01:01:14Oh honey he gone.
01:01:16Gone?
01:01:18Gone where?
01:01:20Oh!
01:01:20Ah!
01:01:21Ah!
01:01:21I found him!
01:01:23Ooh lord that's a bad way to go man.
01:01:26Oh!
01:01:27Ginger by this man!
01:01:29Now kiss your ass goodbye.
01:01:35Who the hell was that man?
01:01:36I also have a past.
01:01:38An aggressive one dude.
01:01:40Oh!
01:01:41Way to go lame ass!
01:01:43How they supposed to smoke from me when you just scared them off?
01:01:46Shut your pie hole!
01:01:47What the hell are you anyway?
01:01:49What the hell am I?
01:01:50What the fuck are you?
01:01:52I'm your worst nightmare if you keep lippin' off like that.
01:01:56Whatever fuck Newton.
01:01:57And check that bow tie coin Dexter.
01:01:59Your mama dressed you?
01:02:00Don't you ever mention my mama again.
01:02:03Ooh mama issues huh?
01:02:05Happens to the best of them.
01:02:07You wanna see your mama again don't you?
01:02:09I wanna kill that bitch in the next room.
01:02:11Then see my mama.
01:02:13I can make that happen you know.
01:02:14I can make all your deepest desires a reality.
01:02:18You can make me a man again?
01:02:19Instead of a fucking cookie?
01:02:21Oh yes!
01:02:22Anything you want baby.
01:02:24Don't crumble on me.
01:02:25But first you gotta do something for me.
01:02:27What's that?
01:02:28All you have to do is wrap that sassy mouth around me and take a toke.
01:02:34Just one is all it takes.
01:02:36That sounds great lady.
01:02:38But I'll save the victory hive for later.
01:02:40I got some unfinished shit to attend to first.
01:02:44You'll be back you crazy motherfucker.
01:02:55Why did I come in here again?
01:02:56Save me I would hope.
01:02:57Well I do have a white knight quality about me.
01:02:59Fucking ass.
01:03:00But I digress.
01:03:02There is no way out of this room dude.
01:03:08Here's Gingy.
01:03:09We are goners if he gets through that door dude.
01:03:11Don't you have any weapons in here?
01:03:13No.
01:03:13This is a respectable establishment.
01:03:16Stand back little lady.
01:03:18Here I'm about to do some Jean Claude Van damage.
01:03:23Fuck.
01:03:24Fuck.
01:03:29Damn maybe it's a smoke show in here.
01:03:34Weed.
01:03:34We gotta do this.
01:03:35That was not the time for that.
01:03:37It's our only chance.
01:03:38I knew you'd come back stud.
01:03:40Yeah.
01:03:41Pack that shit good.
01:03:43Ooh I'm so tight.
01:03:46Now the only way this is gonna work
01:03:48is if we both take a hit at the same time.
01:03:51Not a chance.
01:03:52Oh prude.
01:03:53I thought you didn't do that shit.
01:03:55If there were an Olympics for smoking weed
01:03:57I'd be the all time champ.
01:03:59Hee hee hee.
01:04:00I'm gonna use your spleen as a candy dish.
01:04:06This champ's about to save your life.
01:04:09Come on baby come on.
01:04:10Come on toke me.
01:04:12Suck me.
01:04:13Oh yeah.
01:04:14Oh oh oh oh yeah.
01:04:16Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah.
01:04:18Oh yeah.
01:04:19Oh lord.
01:04:21Oh welcome to my world.
01:04:28I feel good.
01:04:30Holy shit.
01:04:31That bitch is slippery.
01:04:34You wanna?
01:04:34You gotta go get her.
01:04:36Listen.
01:04:37She ain't ever getting out of me.
01:04:39You know what you gotta do.
01:04:41Come on.
01:04:42Come on baby.
01:04:43And then I'll be a man again right?
01:04:45You'll be a cock bull stud.
01:04:47What the hell.
01:04:48I've done worse.
01:04:50You got any Sabbath around here?
01:04:52Sure we have.
01:04:53Come on.
01:04:55Take it in.
01:04:56Shit.
01:04:57That's harsh.
01:04:59Oh child you don't even know the half of it my little cooking ass.
01:05:23What is this place?
01:05:25Well it's whatever you want it to be.
01:05:28Why?
01:05:29A jungle.
01:05:30Oh I've seen it before.
01:05:32Your deepest desires become a reality.
01:05:34But like a fun house mirror at a super shitty carnival.
01:05:46That's not so bad then.
01:05:47Oh it's bad.
01:05:49Everything gets all twisted and turns against you.
01:05:52So it's best if you just keep your mind blank Mila Brobovich.
01:05:55It's probably easier for you than me.
01:05:59You're gonna get creamed.
01:06:05Doraemon.
01:06:12What?
01:06:14I'm not a hoe.
01:06:16I just needed the dough.
01:06:20Really?
01:06:21Sorry.
01:06:29I was expecting something better.
01:06:32This place sucks.
01:06:34Fine bitch.
01:06:36There's somebody in here.
01:06:38Hey.
01:06:39That's me.
01:06:40Handsome son of a bitch.
01:06:42Just wait pal.
01:06:44I'll be you again soon enough.
01:06:46I smell something in the air.
01:06:49It smells feminine.
01:06:52Step off cracker.
01:06:54Who the fuck are you?
01:06:56You really asking who the fuck am I?
01:06:59I am King Bong and I'm the badass motherfucker who's about to fuck you up.
01:07:04Well King Dong.
01:07:06I'd like to see you come down here and try.
01:07:08Oh shit.
01:07:09Who the fuck you think you talking to?
01:07:12Just another douche bag.
01:07:14Oh how dare you speak to me in that tone.
01:07:17Whatever bug eyes.
01:07:18How the fuck do I get out of here anyway?
01:07:20Oh.
01:07:21You think you can just walk your gay cookie ass the fuck up out of here?
01:07:24You ain't nothing but a punk ass bitch.
01:07:27I got business to attend to first.
01:07:28But yeah.
01:07:30Many have tried and failed maybe.
01:07:32And if King Bong with my fine sexy self can't get the fuck up out of here.
01:07:37Then your punk ass shouldn't even think about trying.
01:07:41Lack of direction huh?
01:07:43Not to mention legs.
01:07:45You got jokes.
01:07:46Well look here one bite.
01:07:48The evil ball is the queen bitch of enemies.
01:07:51A furious fucking foe.
01:07:53She should not be taken lightly.
01:07:56She cast me inside the bomb world.
01:07:59Defeated me.
01:08:00And usurped my throne.
01:08:03Mm mm mm mm mm.
01:08:05She slurped what?
01:08:07Oh fucker listen.
01:08:08You are one dead cookie walking.
01:08:12You and one army asshole.
01:08:14Oh.
01:08:15The most fierce army the world has ever known bitch.
01:08:19No man.
01:08:20Or cookie.
01:08:21Can resist.
01:08:23My.
01:08:24Poon Tang tribe.
01:08:27Holy shit.
01:08:28Those are six familiars.
01:08:30Yo this joint's looking better already.
01:08:36Don't hug me lady.
01:08:38Share it with the class.
01:08:40Yeah.
01:08:42Yeah.
01:08:44Nice tune you're making there blondie.
01:09:03Oh you having fun there cookie boy?
01:09:07Now the sugar balls are ready for the pastry tribunal.
01:09:25Who the fuck are you?
01:09:29Silence.
01:09:30Silence.
01:09:31What is this crap?
01:09:34What the hell is going on?
01:09:36We are the tribunal who will decide your fate.
01:09:42Fuck you.
01:10:03Tell me that is not what I think it is.
01:10:15Get to the point jerks.
01:10:17Let me out of these hula hoops.
01:10:18You ginger dead man stand before us a prisoner of your own devices.
01:10:23A mockery of pastry kind.
01:10:25You know the charges put forth against you.
01:10:27What charges?
01:10:29You are hereby formally charged with murder, mayhem, callousness, wanton, drug use.
01:10:36Oh.
01:10:37Is that all you got?
01:10:39And your worst offense.
01:10:42You taste like poop.
01:10:44Melt.
01:10:45You're not even semi-sweet.
01:10:47You is a bad man, man.
01:10:50Oui, oui.
01:10:51Bathroom's to the left, you big ugly dick.
01:10:53How do you plead?
01:10:56Kiss my donut hole.
01:10:59That's exactly what I was hoping they were.
01:11:02Huh.
01:11:03Could only mean one thing.
01:11:06Huh.
01:11:08Where is that little pervert?
01:11:10You know somebody who lives in that?
01:11:14I would, and I do.
01:11:16You rang?
01:11:17Yeah!
01:11:19Rabbit.
01:11:21I knew it was you.
01:11:23Larnell, what are you doing here?
01:11:26Well, I'd ask you the same thing, except I already know the answer to that.
01:11:30We are trying to escape a certain doom, dude.
01:11:33A.K.A. slaughter from a certain cookie.
01:11:35Oh, man.
01:11:36That was a bad trip.
01:11:37You can thank her for that.
01:11:39I said I was sorry.
01:11:42I'm so sorry I wasn't prepared for company.
01:11:46I really like what you've done to the place.
01:11:48Oh, you do.
01:11:51I'm innocent, I tell ya.
01:11:53I'm a little crimped around the edges.
01:11:56So fucking what?
01:11:58I ask you now, counsel, to pronounce judgment onto the accused.
01:12:04Guilty, man.
01:12:05Guilty of being a hoe.
01:12:06Fucking guilty.
01:12:09Guilty.
01:12:11Ah, hell.
01:12:13Now what?
01:12:14Please sit.
01:12:15Look, we don't have time to sit and talk, dude.
01:12:17We gotta get out of here.
01:12:19Oh, pish posh.
01:12:20There's always time for friends and conversation.
01:12:24So sit and conversate.
01:12:27Be rude not to.
01:12:34Refreshments.
01:12:42Look at those taters.
01:12:45I love your work.
01:12:58Uh-oh.
01:13:03Uh-oh.
01:13:04Uh-oh.
01:13:06Uh-oh.
01:13:06Uh-oh.
01:13:07Uh-oh.
01:13:08So now, what is this issue you wanted to discuss with me?
01:13:13No disrespect, man, but what's gotten into you?
01:13:17Whatever do you mean?
01:13:19I mean, you're cool all of a sudden.
01:13:21All like respectable and shit.
01:13:23Not the giant aspaz that we're used to.
01:13:26That's the old me.
01:13:28You've been down here for like an hour, Broby McGuire.
01:13:31Time knows not in the bomb world.
01:13:36We need to find a way out.
01:13:39Fiddlemire's gonna be getting us any second.
01:13:41She's right, dude.
01:13:42Can you help us?
01:13:44Sorry, can't help you.
01:13:46Why not?
01:13:47I haven't tried to leave. I like it here.
01:13:50That is crazy talk, dude.
01:13:52This place will eat you alive.
01:13:54No, no, no, mon ami.
01:13:57See, I figured it out.
01:13:59My time spent here in the past.
01:14:02I have mastered this world.
01:14:05I am the master of my destiny.
01:14:09I don't know, dude.
01:14:11Sounds kind of dangerous.
01:14:12Not at all.
01:14:14You see, I know what the bong world wants.
01:14:18So I stay one step ahead.
01:14:22The bong gives me lemons.
01:14:25I make.
01:14:28Wild sex and weed.
01:14:32I love it down here.
01:14:34This is where I belong.
01:14:39Well, good for you, man.
01:14:40A way to follow your low expectation dreams.
01:14:44Unfortunately, we've got to get out of here.
01:14:46So can you help us?
01:14:49No.
01:14:50Not at all.
01:14:51You will be sentenced to eternal damnation.
01:14:55A never-ending life of being eaten and reformed.
01:15:00Consumed and reborn.
01:15:02As long as you eat me first, jackass.
01:15:05Suck a bloke.
01:15:06I'm going to start with your balls.
01:15:08That doesn't sound so bad.
01:15:10It's bad, George, all mine.
01:15:11I and I don't want to be you.
01:15:13Show a little mercy, will ya?
01:15:15I'm the product of a morally bankrupt society.
01:15:17I didn't choose to be this way.
01:15:19Life chose me.
01:15:21That bitch made me what I am.
01:15:23I promise I'll never do anything bad again.
01:15:26I swear it.
01:15:30We have decided to give you one more chance, ginger dead man.
01:15:34Do not disappoint us.
01:15:36Really?
01:15:40Stupid fuckers.
01:15:43That's the turd one you lost, man.
01:15:45What an asshole.
01:15:46Come on, man.
01:15:47You got to help us.
01:15:48Sorry.
01:15:49Can't help you.
01:15:51Why not, butthole?
01:15:53You've got to help yourself, man.
01:15:55Whatever it is you want, think the reverse.
01:15:58The more you want out of here, the harder it is to leave.
01:16:06I get it.
01:16:12No.
01:16:13I gotcha.
01:16:14Where the fuck are they?
01:16:16Where are who?
01:16:18Don't give me that shit, asshole.
01:16:22Ladies.
01:16:23Oh, yeah.
01:16:25Ladies, indeed.
01:16:27Hey, where's the blonde chick?
01:16:29This cretin is harshing my mellow.
01:16:34Huh?
01:16:36Yeah, I don't like the way you're looking at me, Yoko.
01:16:39Neither are you, Beyoncé.
01:16:47What the hell are you two doing here?
01:16:51We figured you out thanks to our boy, Rabbit.
01:16:54That no good scumbag?
01:16:56I'll show him.
01:16:57Leave him alone.
01:16:58He's happy in there.
01:16:59Happy?
01:17:00What kind of freak is that?
01:17:02If we got out, that means Miller's gonna escape too, and he's gonna be looking for both of us.
01:17:07Trust me.
01:17:07That Pillsbury dumb fuck ain't going nowhere.
01:17:10I'm gonna turn up the juice on that sucker.
01:17:14You okay?
01:17:16Yeah.
01:17:17I've survived before.
01:17:19I'll be fine.
01:17:21Maybe I should walk you back to your store.
01:17:24That would be nice.
01:17:27All right.
01:17:30That'd be nice, old child.
01:17:32You better watch yourself, honey.
01:17:34That dick will not be around long after Felicity finds out.
01:17:38She gonna cut it off.
01:17:39Where does that hat fit?
01:17:54That's how the cookie fucking crumbs.
01:18:22That's how the cookie comes.
01:19:04That's how the cookie comes.
01:19:32Grazie a tutti.
01:19:58Grazie a tutti.
01:20:18Grazie a tutti.
01:20:49Grazie a tutti.
01:21:22Grazie a tutti.
01:21:56Grazie a tutti.
01:22:22Grazie a tutti.
01:22:53Grazie a tutti.
01:23:11Grazie a tutti.