- 13 hours ago
When a painful separation leaves emotions in turmoil, moving on feels impossible. Caught between memories, regret, and hope, they must find the strength to heal and rediscover themselves after love slips away. The title reflects the intense emotional struggle often associated with heartbreak and relationship withdrawal.
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00:03roderick ripped my shirt open and froze my back was covered in scars old and new all from whippings
00:11what the hell happened here i misbehaved they punished me for it my voice was flat
00:19like i was talking about someone else's body he stared at the scars he'd never seen
00:24then he said you deserved it he sent me to that place three years ago to cure me of loving
00:34him
00:35i spent three years locked inside that place
00:40now i stopped loving him just as he wanted
00:47then he came running back and said
00:52i regret it
00:57for eight years i was a fixture by side
01:01everyone said i was addicted to him
01:05i was so obsessed with him that i'd run off any woman who got close to him
01:11whatever it took
01:13once i offered one of them money to leave roderick
01:16the woman laughed in my face
01:22being with roderick meant an endless supply of cash
01:26why would anyone walk away for such a pathetic amount
01:31then that woman took a staged fall down a flight of stairs
01:37roderick thought i pushed her
01:42and i ended up being sent to a rehab center by him
01:47others went there to quit smoking drinking or gaming
01:51i was there to let go of roderick
01:54in the end i succeeded only for him to tell me he regretted it
02:00the moment i stepped out of the rehab center
02:02i saw an audi parked there
02:05it looked totally out of place
02:08i glanced at it and lowered my head
02:10preparing to walk away
02:13the person who got out of the car called out to me
02:17it was roderick
02:18he had grown more mature in the last three years
02:22i glanced at him once
02:24then looked away
02:25the staff at the center taught us that staring was rude
02:28especially at someone we liked
02:31yes after three years
02:33i had been completely reformed
02:39roderick told me to get in
02:40i did so
02:44sitting quietly in the back seat
02:48i kept my head down
02:50staring at my lap
02:51and not moving a muscle
02:55roderick sat beside me
02:58i could feel the weight of his intense gaze
03:03the car was dead quiet
03:05i held my breath
03:07scared to make a peep
03:10but a cough escaped me anyway
03:12i've had this cough ever since the hard beatings at the center
03:17roderick glanced at me
03:21frowned
03:23then he turned away and rolled down the window
03:26as if my cough disgusted him
03:28the car pulled up at the dunlop's mansion
03:34roderick's grandmother
03:37maggie dunlop
03:38lived there
03:40it hit me why roderick had come to get me
03:45today
03:46as i remembered
03:47marked her 80th birthday
03:50maggie had always believed i was the one for roderick
03:54the only person who did
03:56also the one who signed the papers to send me into rehab
03:59he got out of the car
04:01didn't wait for me
04:04i hesitated for a second
04:05then blurted out
04:09um roderick
04:12i didn't bring a gift
04:13he stopped
04:15for half a second
04:16i still hoped he might say something like it's fine or my grandma won't care
04:21but
04:21follow me
04:25he walked through the door without looking back
04:28my feet stopped at the steps
04:30i didn't want to go in
04:31my heart was pounding out of my chest
04:36from fear
04:38marie
04:39you're back
04:40come in dear
04:41maggie stood at the front door
04:43her arms half open
04:44waiting for me
04:51i walked toward her
04:52forcing my legs not to freeze up
04:57hello maggie
04:59marie honey
05:00why are you being so distant
05:05you're not mad at me for what happened are you
05:10maggie stroked my hair
05:12her eyes full of affection
05:15i shook my head
05:18her touch felt warm
05:21but it also reminded me of the last time she'd held me
05:26three years ago
05:28in a courtroom hallway
05:30if maggie hadn't threatened to harm herself to save me
05:33i probably would have been sent to jail instead
05:36she saved me from a cell
05:38but rehab was just a different one
05:44she let us inside
05:49the dining room stretched before me
05:53long table
05:55dim yellow light
05:57three place settings
06:00just like the dining hall at rehab
06:05i stopped at the doorway
06:06my feet just wouldn't move
06:09mary
06:10come sit honey
06:12maggie's voice was gentle
06:14but i couldn't make myself step forward
06:18dinner tables were dangerous places
06:27i sat down at the very edge of the chair
06:32roderick took the seat across from me
06:38maggie at the head
06:40the spaghetti was already on the table
06:45i stared at it
06:47the rules from rehab ran through my head
06:50head down
06:51no sound
06:53no reaching for anything else
06:56then i started eating as fast as i could
07:02marianne
07:04marianne
07:06yes sir
07:07i set down my fork and shot to my feet
07:09the chair scraped the floor behind me
07:11no one moved
07:12roderick's hand was frozen mid-air
07:15still holding his fork
07:17maggie's wine glass hovered halfway to her lips
07:20i stared at the silverware i'd lined up straight
07:23then at my plate
07:26it was empty and clean
07:27i just stood there waiting
07:30someone was supposed to tell me what to do next
07:32but no one said anything
07:35the silence was worse than any punishment
07:39then it hit me
07:41i wasn't at the center anymore
07:45my hands started shaking
07:49you scared her you big idiot
07:54maggie's voice cracked
07:55she set down her glass and stared at roderick
07:59her eyes wet
08:00neither of them looked at me
08:01roderick's jaw was tight
08:03he didn't defend himself
08:07sit down mary
08:08you're home now sweetie
08:10just relax
08:12i sat
08:14but i couldn't eat another bite
08:18something about the way they looked at me
08:20or didn't look at me
08:22told me they'd seen it
08:26the girl who walked in three years ago was gone
08:29and the one sitting here now
08:31was someone they didn't recognize
08:37grandma was talking to you
08:38why weren't you listening
08:40roderick's tone was sharp
08:42i couldn't tell if he was mad i'd ignored maggie
08:45or just ticked off about getting swapped
08:51i'm i'm sorry at maggie
08:53i was just very hungry
08:54i didn't hear you
08:56i gave her an apologetic look
08:57the counselors at the center always drilled it into us
09:01apologies have to be sincere
09:03only i knew the truth
09:04it wasn't hunger
09:06it was fear
09:08fear of getting punished for not eating fast enough
09:11or for leaving food on my plate
09:13i vaguely recalled her telling me to try the other food
09:17i'd heard her but i just couldn't react fast enough
09:20so roderick called out to me
09:22by the time dinner was over
09:23my forehead was covered in a light sweat
09:26i wasn't sure if it was from the heat in the room
09:28or my own anxiety
09:30three years in that place had taught me one thing
09:32never let your guard down
09:34not even at a dinner table
09:37after dinner i returned to gromper's old house
09:40thank you for the ride
09:41i gave roderick a small bow
09:44maggie had wanted me to stay the night
09:47but i'd turned her down
09:48i didn't want any more contact with them than i had to
09:51so i'd asked roderick to drive me home
09:53you really want to stay here
09:55roderick frowned
09:56i glanced back at the house
09:59it hadn't been touched in three years
10:01now it was completely overgrown with weeds
10:04but i nodded
10:06i had nowhere else to go anyway
10:08i was flat broke
10:10and the clothes i was wearing were from three years ago
10:13the rehab center had given us uniforms
10:16so these clothes had never even been worn out
10:18i bent down to pull some weeds
10:20the little critters living there scurried away
10:23i saw cockroaches
10:24mice
10:25and a snake
10:26coiled in the corner
10:27too lazy to move
10:28once upon a time
10:30i would have jumped straight into roderick's arms
10:33now
10:34i just stared at them calmly
10:35and looked for a stick to shoo the snake away
10:40roderick pulled me back toward the car
10:45what's wrong
10:46i didn't even realize he was still there
10:48didn't you see that snake
10:50oh right
10:51i'd forgotten roderick hated reptiles
10:55i saw it
10:56it's fine
10:58i'll just shoo it away with a stick
11:00if it bothers you you can just leave
11:02i caught myself reassuring him
11:04i reached for the door handle
11:06ready to hop out
11:07but roderick locked the doors and drove off
11:11i quickly buckled my seat belt
11:19where are you taking me
11:21he didn't say a word
11:22i didn't dare ask again
11:24he took me to his private apartment
11:26he closed the door behind us without a word
11:28i couldn't leave it was a keypad lock
11:30he went straight to the shower
11:32probably trying to wash off the creeps
11:34from seeing all those critters
11:36i sat straight on the living room couch
11:39about an hour later
11:41roderick came downstairs in pajamas
11:42his hair still wet
11:44i knew better than to stare
11:46stay here until your place is cleaned up
11:48you can sleep here tonight
11:49i thought about it for a second
11:50then nodded
11:52thank you
11:53that house was a mess
11:55tackling it all alone
11:56would have kept me going way past midnight
11:59he walked over
12:00i stood up and stepped aside without thinking
12:04roderick grabbed my chin
12:06forcing me to look at him
12:07so you're over me
12:08his expression was questioning
12:11yes
12:11i didn't hesitate for a second
12:14any delay would have felt like an insult
12:16to everything i'd been through
12:17that night
12:19the nightmare returned
12:20in my dream
12:21countless eyes stared back at me
12:25filled with hatred
12:26disgust
12:27and contempt
12:29every single one of them
12:30belonged to roderick
12:33the next day
12:33when roderick left for work
12:35i asked him to drop me off downtown
12:40he didn't seem to mind
12:41as long as i wasn't in his way
12:45i hesitated in front of a florist's hiring sign
12:49i didn't have a college degree
12:52i never finished
12:57the shop owners me staring at the sign but not coming in
13:00so he finally asked
13:01i nodded
13:02the owner looked to be in his mid-twenties
13:04and he seemed pretty nice
13:06the pay was three thousand dollars monthly
13:08and no diploma was required
13:10i just had to be on time to help out at the shop every day
13:13i asked the owner for a one thousand dollars advance
13:16money makes the world go round
13:18i needed it for everything
13:20my official start date was the next day
13:23and to my surprise
13:25he trusted me
13:26i spent four hundred dollars on a used electric scooter from a local shop
13:31once upon a time four hundred dollars would have meant squat to me
13:36now i had to haggle just to get it for that price
13:38it's not like i was an orphan or anything
13:41three years ago my parents disowned me
13:43to protect the company and the family's reputation
13:46the only person who'd ever really loved me
13:48grandpa was gone a long time ago
13:51if he were still here i probably never would have ended up like this
13:56i rode the scooter back to grandpa's old house
14:00the weeds outside were already gone
14:02roderick must have sent someone to clear them
14:04inside
14:06everything was covered in a thick layer of dust and cobwebs
14:09it took me for hours just to make the place halfway livable
14:12most of the stuff inside was broken beyond fixing
14:16i was trying to carry out the junk when i tripped
14:19everything went flying all over the floor
14:22i was a mess my knee hurt and i was covered in dirt
14:27i saw a pair of shiny leather shoes stop in front of me
14:30i didn't even have to look up to know who they belonged to
14:33i got up slowly my knee throbbing with pain
14:40mr dunlap
14:41can i help you with something
14:42i'd gone from calling him rod to roderick
14:45and now to
14:46the hellhole ever again
14:52grandma sent me to check on how you're doing
14:54roderick's brow was furrowed
14:57please tell her i'm fine
14:58and she doesn't have to worry about me
15:00i crapped
15:09roderick grabbed me by the back of my collar
15:11with a tear
15:12my shirt split right open
15:13it was the same shirt i'd worn yesterday
15:16and the same one i'd had three years ago
15:18the fabric was so thin it tore almost instantly
15:20my voice was sharp with anger as i clutched the
15:23thank god it was only the back that tore
15:31but it was my only shirt
15:33i hadn't had time to buy new clothes
15:35and now how was i supposed to go shopping
15:39but his eyes were fixed on the scars on my back
15:42what the hell happened here
15:44i misbehaved
15:45they punished me for it
15:47my voice was flat like i was talking about someone else's pain
15:52you deserved it
15:53he walked out
15:54i glanced over my shoulder
15:56my back was covered in scars old and new
15:58all from whippings
16:00the newest ones were probably from a few days ago
16:03i couldn't even remember exactly which day
16:06they hadn't even fully healed yet
16:10i found a dusty shirt in the closet
16:12shook it off and slipped it on right away
16:20i got infected
16:21of course
16:22just as i was heading out to buy new clothes
16:25roderick came back
16:26was he back to laugh at me
16:28he tossed a bag at me
16:29change into these
16:31i refused
16:34he had a girlfriend
16:35and it felt wrong for him to be buying me clothes
16:38but it had been three years
16:40maybe
16:41chelsea was his wife now
16:42not that i cared
16:43roderick pulled me roughly back inside the house
16:48i sat down and did what he told me
16:54he cleaned the wounds on my back with antiseptic and rubbing alcohol
16:58it stung but i didn't make a sound
17:00it was nothing next to what i'd been through
17:04his hands were rough but strangely careful
17:06like he was trying to undo something he couldn't name
17:13roderick finished cleaning the wounds on my back
17:15he helped pull my shirt down
17:17his fingers brushed my skin
17:19i flinched and stepped back
17:23roderick pointed at the scar across my waist
17:27why's this one?
17:28this one was different from the others
17:29deeper, jagged, like someone had cut me open
17:32this position
17:33is this your kidney?
17:35kidney? he frowned
17:37what happened to your kidney?
17:40my hand moved to cover the scar
17:43i don't know
17:45he stared at me
17:49you don't know what happened to your own kidney
17:51his voice was flat
17:53like he'd caught me in a lie
17:55i woke up one morning and the scar was there
17:59that's all i know
18:00roderick looked at me for a long moment
18:05then he let out a short breath
18:08why did they do this to you?
18:11because i misbehaved
18:13but i'm good now
18:15what did you do?
18:18one of the counselors caught me after i dropped food on the table
18:22roderick frowned
18:22he studied my face
18:24trying to decide if i was telling the truth
18:26elsewhere
18:26where else did they hurt you?
18:28i shook my head
18:29i curled up when they hit me
18:31my back was the only part they could reach
18:34it's getting late
18:36you should go now
18:37i needed him out of this house
18:42i'll crash here for the
18:43no
18:45the word came out before i could stop it
18:50roderick turned and stared at me
18:52he looked like he couldn't believe what i'd just said
18:56you can't stay here
18:57my voice was shaking
18:58my whole body was shaking
19:00he took a step toward my bedroom
19:02i moved between him and the door
19:05i didn't think
19:06my body just did it
19:09move
19:10no
19:12he reached for my arm
19:14i yanked it back so hard i hit the wall
19:16my chest was heaving
19:18my hands came up
19:19then i realized what i was doing
19:22at the center
19:23if you raised your hands
19:24they beat you harder
19:25they said you were resisting
19:28roderick stopped walking
19:29he stared at my shaking hands
19:32at the way i was pressed against the wall
19:36mari
19:37calm down
19:38i bolted
19:39i ran into grandpa's room and locked the door
19:42pressed my back against it
19:44listened
19:47no footsteps
19:49i slid down to the floor
19:51my legs still wouldn't stop shaking
19:56late that night
19:57i woke up in grandpa's bed
19:59my leg was throbbing
20:01the knee i'd scraped when i tripped over the junk was swollen and hot
20:04then the pain moved up my back
20:07every wound roderick had cleaned was burning
20:09i touched my forehead
20:11my skin was on fire
20:12i tried to stand
20:14my legs folded and i hit the floor
20:16the dust made me cough
20:17at the center
20:18if you got sick
20:19you stayed on the floor
20:20no one came
20:21the staff said sick people were just looking for attention
20:24i didn't call for help
20:26i lay there until the room started spinning
20:28until i couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed
20:31a shadow moved toward me
20:33then
20:33then it covered me
20:34when i opened my eyes again
20:35the ceiling was white
20:37and the air stink of bleach
20:38an iv was taped to my arm
20:40i was in a hospital
20:41i didn't know how i got here
20:43i pulled the iv out
20:44blood ran down my wrist
20:46i reached for my shoes
20:47roderick was slumped in a chair next to my bed
20:50his eyes read
20:51where are you off to
20:53i got a job
20:54i start today
20:56do you even know you're running a fever
20:58he sounded more tired than angry
21:00don't worry mr dunlop
21:01i'll pay you back for the medical bills
21:03as soon as i get my first paycheck
21:04i slipped out before he could say anything else
21:07i got on my scooter
21:09and made it to the flower shop just in time
21:11the front window was covered in red hearts
21:13a sign read
21:14valentine's day special
21:15the flower shop was packed
21:17i worked the register
21:18then chelsea harvey walked in
21:23chelsea was arm in arm with roderick laughing
21:26i froze
21:27chel's rod
21:28the owner walked over
21:30and shook roderick dunlop's hand
21:31the owner was clifford harvey
21:33chelsea harvey's brother
21:35i had been working for her brother
21:37chelsea spotted me
21:38her eyes went wide
21:40she flinched
21:41and harried her face in roderick's chest
21:43cliffy what is she doing here
21:45she's the one who pushed me down the stairs
21:47she pointed a shaking finger at me
21:49her voice trembling
21:50clifford stared at me
21:51his face twisted with disgust
21:54he grabbed my arm and shoved me out the door
21:58i hit the ground
22:00roderick stood in the doorway and watched
22:02he didn't move
22:03i pushed myself up
22:05looked at him
22:06i looked embarrassed
22:08maybe he couldn't stand it any longer
22:10he threw me some money and turned away
22:13i didn't want to lose this job
22:16fortunately a restaurant hired me as a dushmer
22:20a few days later
22:21chelsea came to that restaurant
22:23she found me
22:24then she made sure i saw her every time when she came
22:27i stayed in the back and scrubbed harder
22:29i thought if i kept my head down she would leave me alone
22:32but chelsea wasn't done with me yet
22:37i was carrying clean plates out to the dining area
22:39well
22:40look who it is
22:42the crawford group harris
22:43oh wait
22:44just a pathetic little shadow nobody wants around
22:46a few girls blocked my way
22:47my old college classmates
22:49chelsea stood behind them watching
22:51no innocent act this time
22:52i tried to walk past them
22:55did i say you could leave
22:57one of them grabbed my hair and yanked hard
22:59the plates crashed to the floor
23:02the whole restaurant went quiet
23:03all i could think about was how much those plates would cost me
23:07what's going on here
23:08roderick's voice
23:09he was standing behind me
23:11before i could say anything
23:12chelsea spoke up
23:14her voice soft and shaking
23:15rod
23:16we were just trying to make up with atmari
23:19catch up a little
23:20but then she lost her temper and tried to hit me with a plate
23:27the manager rushed over and stared at the broken plates
23:34are you out of your mind
23:36i opened my mouth
23:38don't
23:39just
23:39don't
23:41he pointed at the door
23:42get out of my restaurant
23:44now
23:47chelsea's friend smirked behind him
23:49one of them gave me a little wave
23:52chelsea was still tucked against roderick's chest
23:56her shoulders shaking
23:58the perfect victim
24:00i waited for roderick to say something
24:04he didn't
24:06he only cared about comforting chelsea
24:09he didn't even look at me
24:12i reached into my pocket and pulled out my cash
24:16handed it to the manager
24:19it left me with ten dollars
24:22i walked past at roderick on my way out
24:26outside
24:27the cold air hit my face
24:31ten dollars
24:33i could buy the cheapest bottle of sleeping pills
24:38i went to a pharmacy
24:40and took the pills at home
24:42small
24:43white
24:45like chalk
24:47in my palm
24:51i swallowed them one at a time
24:55i lost track of time
24:57right as my eyes closed for good
24:59i thought i saw it roderick standing in the doorway
25:04when is she going to wake up
25:06she's been asleep for days
25:08when i came to
25:09it seemed i heard roderick's voice
25:12why was he still clinging to me
25:15even after death
25:16it wasn't till a team of doctors began
25:19examining me
25:21that i understood
25:22roderick had rushed me here
25:24to have my stomach pumped
25:26i'd been given a second chance
25:30that figure i saw hadn't been an illusion
25:34it was him
25:36are you sending me back
25:39i looked at his dark expression
25:43the doctor says
25:44you may be suffering from depression
25:50roderick avoided my question
25:53i nodded
25:55but that wasn't the point
25:58all i cared about
25:59was whether i had to be sent back
26:05why didn't you tell me
26:09would you have believed me if i had
26:13telling him
26:14would only have made him think
26:16i was making excuses
26:18to leave that place
26:21i had reached out to him
26:23each resident was granted
26:25a scheduled call to family
26:27twice a year
26:29during my first six months
26:31i called him once
26:33i'm sick
26:34i cough up blood sometimes
26:38and they hit us
26:41can i please come home
26:45i promise i won't bother you anymore
26:47what did he say back then
26:50find a better excuse next time
26:57then he hung up
27:01after that that call
27:03i was beaten again
27:04i never called him after that
27:11why did i cough up blood
27:13their blows had landed on my back
27:16over and over
27:18the internal damage eventually
27:20affected my stomach and lungs
27:23seeing odrick fall silence
27:26i knew he still didn't believe me
27:31i lowered my head
27:33and didn't ask again
27:35whether he'd send me back
27:37should i be sent back
27:38i won't leave alive
27:41in a place like that
27:42no one would notice
27:44whether a person was breathing
27:46i thought once i got out
27:48i could start over
27:50but i was wrong
27:51my peace was always shattered
27:54whenever roderick came into the picture
27:59the doctor called roderick out
28:01saying some test results were ready
28:05the door swung open as roderick stowed back in
28:09he yanked the blanket aside
28:12then my hospital gown
28:15an ugly
28:16jagged scar was exposed
28:19his eyes were bloodshot
28:21a vein throbbing on his forehead
28:24as he stared at me
28:26your kidney
28:27your kidney
28:28where is it
28:29he looked terrifying
28:32just like the staff at the center
28:35they had that
28:37same look in their eyes
28:39that look always came right before a beating
28:42i pulled the blanket up
28:44and hid underneath it
28:45the bed shifted
28:47as at roderick sat down beside me
28:49he gently tugged at the covers
28:52mary
28:53come out
28:53you'll suffocate
28:54his voice softened
28:56as if he'd realized he'd scared me
28:58promise you won't hit me
29:01my voice was muffled under the blanket
29:03only after he promised
29:07did i poke my head
29:10he asked again
29:12patient this time
29:15what happened to your kidney
29:17i shook my head
29:19i don't know
29:21roderick took out his phone
29:23and said he would investigate this thoroughly
29:27ever since learning about my depression
29:29roderick had barely left my side
29:31it was as if he was afraid i might try something again
29:33but i saw that the rehab center had been shut down on television
29:36no doubt it was roderick's doing
29:38it had posed as an educational institution
29:40behind closed doors it ran vile operations
29:46did he do this to you too
29:47roderick pointed at the screen
29:49the man being interviewed was the infamous director
29:51he spoke excitedly to the reporter
29:53i was helping them
29:54they should be thankful
29:57without my guidance
29:58do you think they'd be so compliant now
30:00go ask their parents
30:01their children are model citizens now
30:04aren't they
30:05i took a kidney laughs
30:07as my fair compensation
30:11my method
30:12was simple
30:15add something to their bedtime milk
30:18then proceed with the removal
30:20i'd watch them wake up
30:22agony
30:25the man grew more animated as he spoke
30:28i felt a wave of dread seep into my bones
30:30the bloody scene felt like it had happened yesterday
30:32that night i went to bed as usual
30:34before lights out
30:35we all had to drink the milk the attendants brought
30:40refusal meant a beating
30:48in my sleep i felt like i was being restrained
30:52then slowly a sharp pain pierced my side
30:55my eyes flew open to see the director's horrifying face leaning over me
30:59it wasn't a dream
31:00he was staring intently at my waist
31:02the pain made me black out
31:04i didn't wake until the next day
31:11he threatened me
31:12if i ever spoke a word
31:14my other kidney would meet the same fate
31:15no wonder so many people there moved stiffly
31:18and no one ever said a thing
31:26roderick called me
31:27i stared at him
31:28my gaze empty
31:28then a mouthful of blood surged up and spilled over
31:31i collapsed
31:34i had no idea how long i was out
31:36when i woke up i was still connected to a ventilator
31:38i shifted my fingers trying to wake roderick
31:41his weight was resting on my hand
31:42and it had gone numb
31:45you're awake
31:46how do you feel
31:49you were in shock
31:50did you realize
31:50but i was in shock
31:52how would i know
31:53but was this really roderick
31:54his jaw was shadowed with stubble
31:56his eyes streaked with red
31:57this wasn't the same cool
31:58collective man i remembered
32:00i tried to speak
32:01but had no strength left
32:02i just lay still
32:03let the doctors and roderick
32:05do what they needed to do
32:06i learned i'd been unconscious for four days
32:08roderick had stayed by my side the whole time
32:12that afternoon a doctor removed the ventilator
32:15i could talk again
32:16what's the prognosis
32:18weeks months
32:20i knew my time was running out
32:22roderick's hand
32:23which had been holding a spoon to feed me broth
32:25paused
32:25after a long moment
32:28six months
32:29maybe less
32:30a faint smile of relief touched my lips
32:34good
32:35i could get to see grandpa soon
32:37lung cancer
32:39i phrased it as a question
32:40but i was sure
32:41even after i'd learned to behave
32:43and the beatings mostly stopped
32:44i kept coughing up blood
32:46the depression only made things worse
32:50roderick nodded
32:51can i get back to work
32:53is there any way you could keep your wife from interfering
32:55if they'd just leave me alone
32:57i could work in peace
32:58i still owed clifford one thousand dollars after all
33:04she's not my wife
33:07roderick frowned
33:08putting a clear distance between himself and chelsea
33:10i didn't care what chelsea was
33:12i just needed her to stay away
33:16i started a small street stall on a decent block
33:19selling burritos
33:20i had planned to find a regular job
33:22but roderick forbade it
33:23when he set his mind to something
33:24no one could change it
33:26he offered me two options
33:27start my own small business or stay home
33:30doing something i chose
33:31with the time i had left
33:32was a good idea
33:33i stood nervously behind my cart
33:35worried no customers would come
33:37the location was close to campus
33:39steady foot traffic from students and professionals
33:42it was a fully licensed area for street vendors to operate
33:45best of all it was close to grandpa's house
33:49hey how much for a burrito
33:51i was lost in thought when a guy with a bright
33:53easy smile walked up to my stall
33:55i looked up and met his clear eyes
33:57he had faint dimples
33:58wearing a basketball jersey
34:00a ball in his hand as if he'd just come from a game
34:03i was caught off guard for a second
34:05he spoke again before i came out of my trance
34:07for some reason
34:08looking into his eyes didn't make me uneasy at all
34:11usually any eye contact filled me with dread
34:13so many pairs of eyes haunted my nights
34:18would you like to try one?
34:20it's free
34:23why free?
34:24is it because i'm so good looking?
34:25he grinned and rubbed his chin playfully
34:29his playful tone made my face grow warm
34:32no it's my first day
34:34if it turns out unpasteable
34:37i couldn't possibly take your money
34:40i'd practiced at home over and over
34:42but doing it for real felt completely different
34:48oh so i'm your gimme pig
34:50no i thought i'd scared him off
34:57just kidding go ahead
34:59i'll eat it however it turns out
35:00he laughed warmly
35:02most vendors could make one in three to five minutes
35:04my clumsy attempt took nearly seven
35:07the outside was crispy
35:09though not burnt
35:12maybe i should make you another one
35:14this is perfect
35:15he took the wrapped burrito and bit into it
35:22it's great
35:23seriously this is how it should be
35:25nice and crispy
35:27his compliment made me smile
35:34so how much?
35:36you're not gonna charge me an arm and a leg are you?
35:38he widened his eyes in alarm
35:42no this one's complimentary
35:44a lucky start for my first day
35:46as he turned to leave
35:48he glanced back and waved
35:52i'm leonard williams by the way
35:53i watched him walk away
35:55it struck me then how distant my own college days felt
35:59if i hadn't been so reckless back then
36:03i would have graduated a year ago
36:08as the day went on
36:10more customers came
36:13i was almost too busy to keep up
36:15but i got quicker and more confident with each one
36:19i didn't pack up until i'd run out of ingredients
36:27roderick pulled up beside me in his car
36:31i'll drive you home
36:32it's fine
36:33it's fine
36:34i have my scooter
36:34i nodded toward my scooter
36:36parked nearby
36:39it's getting chilly tonight
36:40you'll catch a cold
36:43i won't die from it
36:48marion
36:49how long are you going to keep fighting me on everything?
36:52roderick caught my wrist
36:53as i started to walk away
36:57mr dunlap do not forget
36:59i was the one who pushed your girlfriend down the stairs
37:03i'm the one to blame
37:04in that moment
37:06to cut any last tie between us
37:09i claimed the guilt
37:11mary
37:11stop lying
37:13i know the truth now
37:17she fell on her own
37:20suddenly
37:21his arms came around me from behind
37:27my body stiffened in his hold
37:30so he knew
37:31hadn't he told me to protect chelsea?
37:36so you were protecting her
37:39while i bore all the blame?
37:41no
37:42i was afraid once you knew the truth
37:45you'd hate me for not believing you sooner
37:47i was wrong
37:51i'm sorry
37:55his arms tightened around me
38:00i only found out two days ago
38:02i went to tell chelsea to stay away from you
38:05and we argued
38:08she let it slip
38:11i could no longer hold back my tears
38:17they fell onto the back of his hand
38:19at least i would clear my name before i died
38:24he released me
38:25bending down to wipe my tears
38:28don't cry mari
38:32i sobbed uncontrollably in his arms
38:37for a moment
38:38neither of us spoke
38:43three years of silence
38:45three years of pain i'd swallowed without a word
38:48and now
38:49finally
38:50someone believed me
39:00rod
39:02here
39:03i pointed to my chest
39:08it doesn't beat for you anymore
39:12rod if i could i'd wish we had never met
39:17i wiped my tears and gave a faint smile
39:23this is the last time i'll call you that
39:26from now on
39:27let's each live our own lives
39:32i'd treat this as a goodbye
39:34a proper end to those eight years i spent loving him
39:38i could never forget the three years in that place
39:43and the person who'd sent me there
39:44was himself
39:50mari
39:51he reached for me
39:52but i stepped back
39:56mr dunlop
39:58please don't disturb me again
40:03i want my remaining time to be peaceful
40:06with that
40:07i left
40:13i drove my scooter home
40:16rhetoric's car followed at a distance in the rearview mirror
40:21i ignored him
40:32i went to my stall as usual every day
40:37roderick watched from a distance
40:40i just ignored him
40:46hey
40:46i'm back
40:47brought my classmates to try your burritos
40:49it was leonard
40:50my first customer
40:53what kind would you like
40:54a real sense of ease washed over me
40:56something i hadn't felt in a long time
40:58whatever you recommend
41:04maybe one of each
41:05i'll take some back for my roommates too
41:09so how much
41:10you didn't let me pay last time
41:12you've got to charge me today
41:13or i won't come back
41:14i hadn't said i wouldn't charge him
41:15i still needed to pay back my debt
41:17six dollars each
41:18cash only though
41:20if you don't have any
41:21you can get change at the store down the block
41:23i pointed to the sign on my cart
41:25and then toward the store down the block
41:29wait right here i'll be back
41:32i watched leonard walk away and sighed
41:35the young seemed so full of life
41:38it was easy to forget i was only a year older than him
41:42yet my life felt worlds apart
41:48hey isn't he good looking
41:49and he's single
41:51maybe give him a shot
41:52his classmates clearly thought my glance at leonard meant more than it did
41:55i shook my head and stayed silent
41:59i was making around three to four hundred dollars a day
42:03soon i had enough to repay my debt
42:08clifford seemed to have been waiting for me
42:11he looked different guilty
42:12almost
42:15i heard what really happened
42:17chelsea admitted the truth to roderick
42:21i'm sorry for what i did to you
42:23i didn't reply
42:26i placed the money on the counter and left
42:30finally i was free of that burden
42:37why did leonard keep coming to my stall
42:41did he really love burritos that much
42:44do you really like burritos that much
42:46i finally asked
42:48no why
42:50taking another bite
42:53why do you come every day
42:54were you short on money for meals
42:57but he didn't look like he was struggling
43:01because you're here
43:06between bites
43:06i didn't fully process his words
43:10not until he swallowed
43:11leaned closer
43:12and looked at me seriously
43:14be my girlfriend
43:18i froze for a second
43:19then shook my head
43:21i took his hand and placed it on my waist
43:24i'm missing a kidney here
43:26then i pointed to my chest
43:29i have lung cancer here
43:31he shrugged
43:32unfazed
43:33i know
43:36i've always known
43:38how could he know
43:39reading my surprise
43:40i'll tell you later
43:42his hand lingered gently on my waist
43:44did it hurt
43:46my eyes stung
43:48no one had ever asked me that before
43:51not roderick
43:52not my parents
43:54not a single person in three years
43:57but this young man did
43:59six months later
44:00i held the medical report
44:02the doctor had just given me
44:03he said the cancer cells
44:05were gradually receding
44:06leonard had made sure
44:07i ate three meals a day
44:09he walked me to every checkup
44:11for the first time in years
44:13i wanted to live and it showed
44:15with a positive mindset
44:17consistent medication
44:18and no late night depressive episodes
44:21full recovery was possible
44:22there were cases of people
44:24beating cancer
44:25it just wasn't easy
44:26but i had managed it
44:35hey where are you
44:36you're not at your stall today
44:37my phone buzzed with a message
44:39from leonard
44:39at the hospital
44:40he'd bought me this phone himself
44:42he'd claimed it was a buy one
44:44get one deal
44:46who believed that
44:47i certainly didn't
44:50half an hour later
44:51leonard came jogging toward me
44:53in his basketball jersey
44:57what did the doctor say
44:58i put on a somber face
45:00pretending to be downcast
45:02i saw his expression dim
45:04but he kept his voice steady
45:06it's okay
45:08i'll be with you every step of the way
45:10i cut him off
45:13just kidding
45:13the doctor says i'm doing really well
45:16you've gotten mean
45:18i couldn't bear to tease him for long
45:20he pretended to be upset
45:22but then he picked me up
45:23and spun me around twice
45:25so
45:26does this mean you'll say yes
45:28he looked at me eagerly
45:31say yes to what
45:32i blinked at him playfully
45:36be my girlfriend
45:38but i'm not completely healed yet
45:40what if it comes back
45:42i don't care
45:45my job is to love you
45:46and make you happy
45:48if you're happy
45:49you'll get better
45:52he hugged me tightly
45:53nuzzling against me
45:56i wrapped my arms around him in return
46:00all right i suppose i'll say yes
46:02i sounded as if i was doing him a favor
46:05the truth was
46:07he had been the one settling for me all along
46:12as leonard and i walked away hand in hand
46:15i saw roderick
46:17he stood watching us
46:19his eyes red
46:21i hadn't seen him in two or three months
46:23the last time i saw him was when maggie passed away
46:27he'd picked me up to attend the service
46:29and that was it
46:31i'd also repaid him for all the medical bills
46:35even the money for the food cart
46:37i knew he'd been watching me from a distance
46:41he'd tried to approach me a few times
46:43but i'd threatened to harm myself each time
46:46and he'd finally stayed away
46:49marie who is this
46:50his eyes were still red
46:52he already knew the answer
46:55my girlfriend
46:57leonard answered first
46:59raising our joined hands
47:03is he good to you
47:07yes
47:09i know what it looks like
47:10when you love someone at marie
47:12and i can see it's not me anymore
47:17it took me a while to face it
47:21be happy
47:23i wish you the same
47:26he turned and walked away
47:28i didn't look back
47:31some people are meant to be part of your story
47:33but not your ending
47:38i heard later that rodrick left to teach in a remote mountain
47:42as for me
47:43i was curled on the sofa
47:45looking at the man in front of me
47:47you said before that you knew about my health
47:49how
47:52i sprained my ankle during a game
47:54and ended up in the hospital
47:57i was in the room next to yours
47:58i overheard something while walking by
48:01got curious
48:02and looked through the glass
48:05one look and i just knew
48:08he made it sound so casual
48:14that's it
48:17i didn't buy it
48:20your classmates mentioned something
48:24my photo is your computer wallpaper
48:26the one from when i was a sophomore
48:29i meant the guys who had stopped by my stall for burritos
48:33sure enough
48:34the man looked briefly embarrassed
48:36he was probably cursing them in his head
48:40okay fine
48:44i was an exchange student at your university in my freshman year
48:47doing a photography project
48:50you were there that day
48:51so full of life
48:54i couldn't help but take a picture
48:58later
48:58i heard you were with rodrick
49:00so i kept my distance
49:02i don't do home wrecking
49:05he lifted his chin slightly
49:08it wasn't until i saw you in the hospital
49:11that i realized how stupid i'd been all along
49:17if i had stepped in back then
49:20maybe none of this would have happened to you
49:23after that
49:25i kept an eye on you
49:29waiting until the day
49:31i ran into you
49:32at your stall
49:35he looked genuinely
49:37regortful
49:39i reached out and hugged him
49:41don't blame yourself
49:43some things were meant to happen
49:45it wasn't your fault
49:47i'd almost missed the chance to be with someone so wonderful
49:50but in the end
49:51nothing was too late
49:54other people go to rehab for drugs alcohol or gambling
49:59i went to quit loving a man
50:03in the end
50:04i didn't just quit him
50:06i learned to love myself again
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