- 20 hours ago
Lestat encounters the Queen. Louis slips further into madness.
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00:00You are listening to The Failures, album 41, side B.
00:14My first coffin had the likeness of my maker carved into its lid.
00:19Indecipherable Latin, etched around the rim.
00:22And as I was an orphan vampire, my sleep within troubled.
00:27Again.
00:28I spent half of two decades in the silken embrace of a chestnut casket purchased for my French quarter townhome,
00:36before it was hurled off a balcony during one of Mr. Dulac's redirected moods.
00:42Again.
00:43What exactly are we going for here on take 17?
00:48We are going for... again.
00:52Okay.
00:53I have slumbered in a variety of sarcophagi over the centuries,
00:58but if I had to choose a favorite,
01:00it would be the 7,000 square foot model I endured in the fall of 2025,
01:05while I recorded my posthumously produced album that Pitchfork would trash,
01:10and for which the world shouts in feeble attempts to explain away clearly attributable devastation.
01:16J'accuse.
01:18But I, Amel, digress.
01:21Again.
01:23Take 28.
01:25The deranged Wegmans produce manager, Beau Ridley, provided me the Frenchest of exits,
01:30and the good fortune of a second mass shooting with a higher body count occurring that same night
01:35made the faking of my death all the easier.
01:38Again.
01:40Take 46.
01:42An amnesia fund was created, and annual payments in perpetuity were issued to Jarda Klapik,
01:48a coroner, an obituary writer for the Czech Broadsheet Pravo,
01:52Dee, Daniel, Farid, and two dozen other collaborators,
01:56including Christine Clare,
01:58who bought a retirement villa and wall-papered her basement sex dungeon
02:02with billable hour invoices.
02:10Again.
02:12Take 61.
02:13Four!
02:14I would leave this coffin only once in four months.
02:17I would butcher the band for bloom and marbling,
02:21fleece the muses of their animus,
02:23and stop at nothing until an album worthy of the long, lurid life of Les Daudeliencourt
02:29burned into elegiac audio formats.
02:31And when that was achieved, I would perform it once live in that now infamous concert.
02:37And well...
02:40Well, we'll come to that later.
02:41But like Elvis or Andy Kaufman, rumors swirled of my survival, so...
02:46Sofia Gabriela de Leoncourt de Vecchia took over for Christine
02:50and whittled down my entourage to the essentials,
02:53which was her and the vampire Sam Barkley,
02:56whom she hired as a producer for three reasons.
02:59One, he had faked his death once before so he could be trusted to maintain the right.
03:04Two, he knew the board well enough from his own recordings.
03:06Big Bad Wolf, vocals, take one.
03:09And three, she knew I hated him for his part in Paris.
03:13And that would keep me lively.
03:18I'm the Big Bad Wolf!
03:25Nice, I must take one.
03:28Fabulous.
03:29Moving on.
03:30So, straighten your tie.
03:32Inflate your lips, be it facial or labial.
03:34We are going to trace my self-taught musicianship back to its weird and haunting origin.
03:40That's right, I'm finally going to talk about the Queen.
03:53I'm a little killer.
03:55I'm a lonely one.
03:57I'm a chicken upper spine, telling you to run.
04:01I'm a little shadow.
04:03I'm a lost alive.
04:05I'm a past and the future, the last of the soldiers, the crew and death.
04:09Where the rock and roll is.
04:11Where the good tag.
04:12Where the hope of me, love, and the face of the mud.
04:15Where the stupid rain.
04:18Bang, bang.
04:20Bang, bang.
04:21Bang, bang.
04:22Bang, bang.
04:24Bang, bang.
04:24I'll fall down.
04:28Burn the ground.
04:32I'll fall down.
04:36Burn the.
04:38Bang, bang.
04:40Bang, bang.
04:41Bang, bang.
04:42Bang, bang.
04:43Bang, bang.
04:46Again.
05:12A drum sounds like a drum.
05:13That's because it's a drum.
05:19The drums can't sound like a drum.
05:21Okay.
05:23What do you want it to sound like then?
05:27It has to sound like death approaching.
05:31Oh, my God.
05:31Like life emerging.
05:33Like, yeah, cool.
05:34Like life and death.
05:36Death, then life.
05:37Okay.
05:37A mewing babe extracted from a mother's womb.
05:40Okay.
05:41I, uh, I don't play metaphorical drums.
05:45Try.
05:45I can do faster or harder or shuffle.
05:49Fill, flam, buzz roll like a drum is a drum.
05:52A stick is a stick.
05:52I don't know what to tell you.
05:55Yeah.
05:55It's because she's not a vampire.
05:57It's because her deepest wound is a man walking away mid ceremony.
06:01Wow, cool.
06:04Yoko Mirren.
06:07Guests at my death bed.
06:10We are making an album about my life which has been a three century train wreck.
06:16Your drums are my heart.
06:20Your guitar is my hunger.
06:23Your bass, the night terrors that follow me to coffee.
06:30What's my guitar?
06:31Yes, please interrupt my flow, Larry.
06:35Your guitar is my frailty.
06:40Keep coloring inside the lines as you play and I'll nod a tempo mark to your life jacket.
06:46Blair, Blair, come on.
06:48It's, it didn't mean.
06:49We are here to pull the plug.
06:52Hmm?
06:53Have some reverence.
06:55Kill me savagely.
06:59Yup, sure.
07:00Sam, let's jump to something else.
07:01TC's not ready.
07:02I'm fine.
07:03Can I hear when I call out your name?
07:05Vocal 12.
07:05Copy that.
07:07Blue eyes.
07:10Eyes of the blue.
07:14Blue eyes of the blue.
07:19Blue as the sea.
07:22Tinctures the violet of the air.
07:27Blue eyes of the blue.
07:31Blue eyes of the sea.
07:34Fished him from the wild.
07:38Purple's grey.
07:40Love's his mother.
07:43Love's.
07:45Love's her.
07:49Wanted to take care of her, as you say.
07:52No, he was there.
07:54She was not.
07:57Where am I?
07:59For pulling me from the earth.
08:02For saving me from starvation.
08:04Thank you for the warm blood shared.
08:06Yes.
08:06You're welcome.
08:07She told me where you were, and there you were, and there I was.
08:10I brought you back, and...
08:13Here we are.
08:17Who are you?
08:17I am Marius de Romanos.
08:21I am the keeper.
08:23Oh.
08:24Was the keeper.
08:25Now you are the keeper.
08:28Marius.
08:29Oh.
08:29An echo.
08:30I...
08:31Armand said that you were destroyed.
08:33He was wrong.
08:37Rotten boy.
08:41She likes music.
08:44Come.
08:54Touch.
08:56They are the mother and father to all of us.
08:59And they must be kept.
09:01But...
09:02This one.
09:04Akasha.
09:07The stone.
09:08It's alive.
09:10Very alive.
09:13Very...
09:15Much alive.
09:22That's a very flattering offer.
09:25Sadly, we were only planning to do one in Memoriam concert.
09:32Okay.
09:34Nice to talk.
09:36Laurence Welsh wants Vampire Lestat to open for her.
09:40But he is two meters deep in Australia.
09:42Well, she wants them after the album comes out.
09:45Sorry. Sorry.
09:46Can we do that again?
09:47Can I get a little bit more vocal in my ears, please?
09:50In the ear, down the throat, past the colon.
09:53Play it from your groin.
09:55Larry, please, stop thinking about Alex eating burgers and enjoying Glenlivet again.
10:04More singer, Sam. Hold the head shrinking.
10:06From the top.
10:07Oh.
10:08So...
10:09You're gonna re-record his parts, then?
10:12Bury the rest behind the other three.
10:20That's a deep grave.
10:27Pretend I'm Armand.
10:29Or the telemasker.
10:32Be the spineless mole once more.
10:37You dig a hole in the burrow for Larry's guitar.
10:46This is the job, Sam.
10:49Fill the space with worldly things.
10:53Go into the noise and dust of the city.
10:56Bring back presents of the present.
10:59This is the job.
11:00I don't want a job. I want to die.
11:02But you didn't die.
11:04Eighty years faced down with a seaman you killed.
11:08Long enough to learn the depths of despair.
11:10Do the job. Learn to endure the depths of living.
11:15Find yourself, Lustat.
11:18I have lost myself.
11:20Bring me, Lustat, son of Mars.
11:26From the tree of Oz, she chose you.
11:31A great honor.
11:33She likes music.
11:34She loves music.
11:36I don't know how to play.
11:38Recall your fledgling.
11:40Start with mimicry.
11:41I don't...
11:43Don't interrupt.
11:44Keep your hunts short.
11:46A quick sip of blood,
11:48a fast-fading warmth of the kill,
11:50then back to them.
11:51Here!
11:51What happened to him?
11:52Interruption!
11:54If you must bring one back,
11:56burn them here.
11:57Use the ashes to keep her thriving.
12:04And no blood.
12:06And no blood.
12:07Our blood overwhelms.
12:09Just the ash.
12:10Play her music.
12:15His name was Ein Kiel.
12:18How did...
12:19We burned in the sun, yes?
12:21Do you remember a night when your body burned under the moon?
12:25Yes.
12:27Uh...
12:27Yes.
12:28Uh...
12:29In Denmark, 18...
12:30December, 19, 1802.
12:32Finished the job transporting them from one crypt to another.
12:36Two bottles of ginger flower gin in the veins of a celebratory meal.
12:40I woke up next to her, my body afired.
12:44Hadn't finished the job.
12:45Never...
12:47Left him above in the sun.
12:50My mother and I were countryside.
12:53We ran ourselves into a bog.
12:56Oh.
12:57Took us months to recover.
12:59Bogs.
12:59Bogs are rare.
13:04And now you know...
13:07Why there are so few of us.
13:10Eyes at us back, angels.
13:15We are all connected, eh?
13:19Through her.
13:20She is...
13:22She is the seed.
13:24Mm.
13:25Mm.
13:29And if she burns...
13:31We all burn.
13:34And you are her keeper.
13:36I don't like being alone.
13:38Ice...
13:39Trip...
13:40Stumblefumble, it's...
13:41I'm not worthy of this job.
13:43If I do not...
13:43Oh...
13:44Leave now.
13:45The smoke becomes big and big becomes the end.
13:49The end will burn the tree of us.
13:51You are...
13:56Worthy.
14:02Let her tell you that herself.
14:10It will take time, Lestat.
14:14She is not on our o'clock.
14:16To me, not a word for 22 years when I first took the job.
14:31You are listening to the failures.
14:34Album 46.
14:35Side A.
14:37It's called Rev Par, short for revenue per available room.
14:41It's been trending down, especially in high-end luxury property.
14:44Probably expanded too fast, but there's panic now, so I jumped on it.
14:50I got two more, one in Montreal, one in Boston.
14:54What?
14:55A place for us?
14:56Yeah, and them.
14:58There's not enough of us to make it profitable, but they can come watch if they want.
15:04Yeah.
15:04If you don't want to be watched, then there's a private room in the back, different menu in
15:09the back room, little drinks.
15:13I missed you, brother.
15:17I missed you too, sis.
15:20Both of you.
15:22I wish we could stay longer, but you know Claudia always go, go, go.
15:28Got into something deep last night, and it didn't clean good.
15:33Oh?
15:34What happened last night?
15:35We went to the Russian vodka room for karaoke when the understudies from Hooran Rouge walked in.
15:43Something about theatre kids makes me nerdy.
15:45Mmm.
15:47We pickled sateen, took it downtown to the cubby hall, sucked it dry in the Ganzevort,
15:51and shoved it down the laundry chute.
15:52This is good.
15:54I actually played sateen on tour two years ago.
15:57No way.
15:57Yeah.
15:58This is really fun.
16:02So, we are here for two nights.
16:08And then...
16:23I think the whole thing's a fake.
16:25Total Milli Vanilli situation.
16:27It's Larry wrote all their songs.
16:29I was a yardophile.
16:30We knew that was his real name.
16:31When I heard him sing, it just hit me hard.
16:35I'm not saying it's a good thing the guy got shot, but I don't think he was even legally allowed
16:39to be here anyway.
16:40I got to go to dinner with him once at a white castle after the Hartford show.
16:45He was...
16:46It was so fucking hot.
16:48State your name for the camera.
16:50No names.
16:53Okay, random Manhattanite, what do you make of Lestat's exit?
16:57He faked us.
16:58High and dry when we needed him most.
17:01All cheap and easy non-fiction ends in death.
17:04Revolutions do not require a soundtrack.
17:07They only need numbers.
17:09And are you making more?
17:10Just one.
17:12I had a fang in his neck, but I was interrupted.
17:16Had to let him go.
17:17Sure.
17:17Happens.
17:18I tracked him down, planned to finish the work.
17:21But as I followed him, I found him... fascinating.
17:26I'd sit at the foot of his bed in derelict motel rooms as he slept off a fix.
17:33Gradually, over the next 52 years, I was interceding on his behalf.
17:40And when he blacked out under an overpass...
17:43Okay, Jesus.
17:44...the donkey about to roll over him in an RV.
17:46Her wife Alice at home, pregnant at the time.
17:49Where the fuck are you, Dad?
17:5152 years?
17:52I wanted to tell you in Philadelphia, but I felt you were not in a space to receive it.
17:56That was my gag reflex, that I'm in love with you.
18:00Prove it.
18:04February 11, 1990.
18:06A reading at Amherst, Massachusetts.
18:08Four students attend.
18:09Three are there for extra credit.
18:11One is there for you to use.
18:13Which you do.
18:15Aggressively.
18:16In your rental car.
18:17In the garage of your Northampton hotel.
18:20I make sure the boy makes it home and forgets the event.
18:23May 15, 2002.
18:25You sneak away from your book research to attend your daughter's graduation at Rice University.
18:31She didn't ask you to come and mouth the words, fuck off, when she sees you approach.
18:37You respect her wishes and drive away in a daze, but I guide you to the Roscoe Chapel,
18:44where inside, you unburden yourself and weep uncontrollably.
18:51The attending guard asks you to step outside, but I...
18:54But he started coughing.
18:56A coughing fit, and you mourn your daughter's hatred for the next 30 minutes.
19:02In peace.
19:08August 5, 2025.
19:10I don't plan to say love until I make profound amends for the harm I've caused you.
19:18Yeah, sure.
19:20It's a timing issue.
19:2152 years.
19:22I've watched you.
19:24Where you went, what you did.
19:26Watching your sorrow.
19:28Your modulating sexuality.
19:31And where was Louis at that time?
19:33At home.
19:34Waiting to hear the minute details when I got back.
19:37Yes, you sainted him gray in your book, but he's calculating to the call.
19:41Methodically cruel.
19:43And here you are again, wearing the same set of horse blinders with Lestat.
19:48I signed a contract.
19:50I'm finishing a job.
19:51He casts you out, and still you carry his water.
19:54Let me help you finish that job.
19:56Yeah.
19:59Love between vampires can be one thing, or it can be countless things.
20:03I will never love.
20:05Like Lestat and Sophia.
20:09I want to be your maker.
20:10Finish the thought, Armand.
20:12I want to give you half your life back.
20:14Lestat and Sophia.
20:15Help you walk in the sun.
20:19I knew her as Gabriela.
20:23She's Lestat's mother.
20:25What?
20:28Lestat lays with his mother.
20:33Did you say walk in the sun?
20:36This ain't no good.
20:39You're going to bless you.
20:44Make more.
20:45Make more.
20:47Make more.
20:48Why did you leave me?
20:50Two months ago.
20:52No.
20:53In New Orleans.
20:55Both times.
20:57I was happy you left both times.
21:03By the river when you were three.
21:07And you.
21:10Picked up the 9,000th stick that day.
21:14And I kept having to say.
21:16What does that stick do?
21:23You were a terrible mother.
21:25I was.
21:31In Spain.
21:34I didn't need you anymore.
21:38You don't need around you what does not need you anymore.
21:43Breaks the circle.
21:44Oh, great. Rad. That was cool.
21:47Okay, let's do another.
22:02you need me now.
22:05I do.
22:07Make more.
22:08Make more.
22:12Make more.
22:14Make more.
22:16Make more.
22:16Make more.
22:16Make more.
22:17Make more.
22:23Sounds awesome. Rad.
22:25Does this satisfy the request?
22:27What does it mean make more like make more what I don't recall
22:35sounded cool
22:39Elbow my way along the Minas Trachy is a new shop
22:43Jewelry and the style of the Byzantine and plates embossed with the head of Zeus
22:48It's all in very poor taste, but then the colonialists all have very poor taste so I don't feed it
22:53back to them
22:54The city is modernizing it's such velocity
22:57It's crude houses narrow streets dead monuments and then electric trams
23:04And this I found this
23:10A lever action ice cream disher for ice cream
23:17The merchant called it a scoop scoop
23:25Scoop! Scoop!
23:28Tickles the back of the throat when you say it
23:30It's like an owl daydreaming he's a kingfisher
23:35One final treasure
23:37The young man with the bazooki out again a new one added to his usual repertoire
24:09So is this what time works on us?
24:11Will I bloodlessly blow my nose here?
24:12I'm into a husk.
24:19If you were the first, then who made you?
24:23Why do we exist?
24:25Why do we endure at all?
24:29And why did she leave me?
24:37Am I evil?
24:42Is my evil sanctioned by nature?
24:47Or divine error?
24:51Where is God?
25:01Who dies and who stays alive?
25:16Again, same place.
25:18One, two, three, four!
25:21Story!
25:22If you know him, then you won all the score!
25:26Only the big boss gets who just died!
25:29Who dies and who stays alive!
25:39Why are we not gonna die?
25:41It's a great idea. It's a great idea.
25:42Are we ready?
25:43Are we ready?
25:45Bad idea.
25:46Ready!
25:50I'm to stay alive!
26:00Again!
26:01Guys, who dies and who stays alive?
26:06No.
26:07Who stays alive?
26:20My fool!
26:22Moving on you are listening to The Failures album 49 side B
26:29So how's it worked you and him?
26:32How's it work? Well yet with Lemuel
26:36Taking it slow
26:39Holding hands for now. Yeah
26:42Keeping it loose
26:47Sorry, you don't you have to do the accent
26:52Yeah, it's it's it's hard
26:54The yeah, so maybe just use my own voice. Yeah, safe
27:00Start again. Yeah
27:03What's it like with Lemuel
27:07Simple things like he asked me how I'm doing and I say I'm good
27:14And I asked him how he's doing and he says I'm hungry
27:19Or put down that iPad and give me some attention
27:24He doesn't count time like it's a badge I
27:29Go nice. I don't know where he is, but I like it that way
27:33Taking it slow
27:46What you what you writing in there, uh?
27:50Yeah, just this mess
27:54All right, you two don't make me call the police take the boat back to the dock. We're gonna pretend
28:00this never
28:04You're doing that to him yeah
28:11That's me
28:14Nah, let's just get I didn't know come on make me a stone
28:51What did you get out of here? I can't hold him for too long
29:13You're gonna come the key your bow the clarinet
29:19the announcement
29:22the reprise
29:24the harmonic shift
29:27Oh
29:28Oh foreshadowing
29:30Yes, I can't guess move to the subdominant, but not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Yeah, not down
29:37If I see you would have loved it competing strings father max the counterpoint
29:44It's like
29:46trembling waterfalls
29:48it's like
29:49Hungry peasants itching for a fight
29:55What do you think Marius? Oh, you're still on holiday? I blame you, Armand's rotten guest
30:02Oh
30:03No
30:06voices
30:10No
30:13voices
30:17Perhaps if you finish the goddamn symphony you might have brought the choir in the final movement
30:21but um
30:22It's a signature blend
30:26of
30:26Ottoman bicycle enthusiast and a Swedish barrel maker from Malmo who thought the Acropolis looked drab
30:37Oh
30:39Then it became that kind of party, Ankel
30:44You like to watch?
30:47Oh, don't look now
30:50But Magnus, his hand is wandering down my older brother's pants
30:55Are you affronted by these intimacies, Ankel?
30:59My hand on your eve on the eve of a great century
31:15A splash of red for the new year
31:18You have been exquisite in your years
31:27Oh
31:34They split numbery down the middle
31:37Practical limitations cutting through his romantic gestures
31:41You're supposed to watch the music, Armand
31:43I don't know why I invite you, worthless
31:57I
31:59I
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