- 9 hours ago
The Blackmailed Bride: Falling in Love With a Criminal Boss Episode ENGSUB Mafia Romance, ADB
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02thank god are you okay he didn't chain you up somewhere he's not no no dungeons i'm fine
00:09you don't look fine she's right i don't feel fine i feel like i'm playing three different
00:13chess games at once and losing all of them i start to tell her about franco about tomas
00:17about the deadline but before i can get past the first sentence are you okay you seem terrified of
00:22him of course i'm terrified his men run the entire east coast he could be listening to us right now
00:26serena you're not making sense why do you even know so much about who's your dad something shifts
00:31in her expression something serious and old and tired like she's been waiting for this question
00:35and dreading it at the same time mia it's time you know who i am the door exploding open a
00:40masked man
00:40with a gun raised screaming at everyone to get on the floor the cafe erupts into chaos i freeze i
00:46stand
00:46in the middle of it all and my body simply refuses to move like it's deciding whether any of this
00:50is
00:50real mia get down i can't move you deaf i said down the robber spots me move why can't i
00:58move
01:05for one second i think it's over marco put it down please
01:16i stand there with a stranger's arm around neck and think absurdly about the alley three months ago
01:20about how i peeked my head out and said hello like an idiot about how that one bad decision led
01:24to every
01:25bad decision after it a chain of dominoes i set off the moment i dragged a bleeding cartel king off
01:29the pavement i really shouldn't have saved him then the door opens again emilia walks in like he has
01:33nowhere else to be like this is a meeting he scheduled gun raised jaw set eyes finding me in under
01:38a
01:38second oh yeah who's she the president's wife emilio shoots him in the arm the arm around my
01:43throat goes slack i drop serena catches me no you're fucking not i don't see what happens next the world
01:50tilts goes soft at the edges and i stop being able to hold myself up the last thing i feel
01:55before i feign
01:55is someone lifting me his arms his cologne that particular steadiness that shouldn't feel like safety
02:00but does the next morning a small army arrives at my door they work on me for two hours i
02:09sit in the
02:09chair and let them and feel like a doll being dressed for a party i didn't ask to attend which
02:13is technically exactly what's happening i slip out when they're arguing about earrings down the hall
02:18through the tall living room windows i spot emilio outside with diego he's in a sharp suit and he's
02:23furious jaw tight gesturing hard words muffled through the glass but unmistakably sharp he's beautiful
02:28when he's angry i noticed this and immediately wish i hadn't
02:34you're gonna tell me why you want my baby and what it have to do with palacio
02:38who the man at your apartment he knows he's known the realization lands slowly and then all at once
02:43and i think about every moment since he showed up at my door the conference table the handkerchief
02:47the drawer full of condoms and understand that he has been pulling at this thread the entire time
02:51i don't know what you're talking about do you know what happened to the last person who lied to me
02:57i cut out their tongue and made them eat it i hate them i blink hard he's a monster i
03:02tell myself
03:03remember that this isn't over i know it's never over that's the problem
03:10i walk in on emilio's arm in a dress that cost more than three months of my old salary
03:14diamonds at my throat and i feel like a very convincing fake emilio greets people with a
03:19smile that doesn't touch his eyes and steers me through the room with a hand at the small of
03:23my back that feels like both a claim and a warning stay close don't talk to anyone i'm not allowed
03:29to
03:29talk to people you've caused enough trouble on your own that wasn't in the contract i'm a cartel
03:33boss mia a contract won't stop me from doing whatever i want i don't see franco until his
03:39hand closes around my arm and yanks me into the shadows hello little mia you didn't forget our deal
03:45what are you doing here emilio invited we go way back emilio invited him the information sits in
03:50my chest like a stone i think about the look on emilio's face through the window furious deliberate
03:54i think about this isn't over you've been living with him for three weeks little mia why aren't you
03:59pregnant yet
04:07what did you do to her nothing we were just talking why don't you ask her this is her's land
04:13between us like a grenade i watch emilio's grip loosen just slightly just for a moment and see
04:17it on his face the recalculation the betrayal trying to find its shape our eyes meet and i have never
04:22felt so exposed in my life then dealion is there murmuring something about engagement photos and
04:28emilio exhale through his teeth and goes i watch him walk away with his shoulders set and his jaw
04:32tight and something aching and hollow opens up in the middle of my chest you know something's wrong
04:37tell him yourself before this ends badly i can't under the bright lights of the photo area emilio and
04:44i stand six inches apart like strangers the photographer keeps asking us to move closer we
04:49comply in small miserable increments is it that unborable standing next to me only when you're mad at me
04:54i'm mad because you're hiding something i can't perfect now give each other a little kiss
04:58the silence that follows is approximately a thousand years long then emilio grabs my chin and kisses me
05:03it's not gentle it's a question with teeth demanding and frustrated and searingly humiliatingly effective
05:08the camera flashes go off like a small storm that was my first kiss that was my first kiss and
05:14he
05:14used it like prepuntuation his mouth was just there angry and warm and nothing like i'd imagined and i have
05:22absolutely been imagining it and that is a problem i don't have time for right now
05:26he was furious and i still got turned off what is wrong with me
05:32did you sleep with him what who franco palazzo is that what you're hiding is that why you wouldn't
05:36kiss me no i didn't sleep with him you shoved me away like i was contagious because i couldn't breathe
05:39i've never i haven't
05:40the fury in his expression shifts slowly like a tide going out it gives way to something quiet and more
05:45careful breathe through your nose he presses his lips to mine and this time it's nothing like before
05:50soft slow like he's asking instead of taking like he has all the time in the world and intends to
05:55use
05:55it one more i don't say no i don't say anything he kisses me again deeper one hand sliding to
06:01the
06:01back of my neck and i stop being able to think in anything but sensation warmth and the smell of
06:05his
06:05alone and the ridiculous inconvenient certainty that i am in very serious trouble say yes man yes
06:14then he stops not all at once he trails his lips down my throat unhurried while i'm still trying
06:18to remember what air is for his hands are at my waist minor in his hair the whole world has
06:22narrowed
06:22down to this locked bathroom this basin his mouth but i don't think you deserve it yet what you're still
06:27hiding something from me you and my worst enemy i can't tell you i'm so he drops to his knees
06:31in front
06:32of me parting my legs and i barely have time to process what's happening before his mouth is on
06:37me and my head snaps back and i forget every coherent thought i've ever had you'll tell me
06:41eventually before it's too late he's using this against me i know he's using this against me i can't
06:46make myself care a security guard threatening to break it down promise me you'll tell me the truth
06:52or that guard walks in and finds you like this that's you can't that's blackmail yes i promise i'll
06:57tell you everything turns back to me eyes dark remember your promise he leaves i sit on the basin
07:06in the sudden quiet chest heaving ring glittering on my finger and press my hands to my face he used
07:11pleasure as a weapon and the worst part the part i can't stop thinking about as i swipe off the
07:15basin
07:16and fix my lipstick and walk back out into the party is that i would let him do it again
07:22sleep well you don't look like you slept well i can arrange a sleep therapist you used sex to
07:30blackrail me no i don't need a therapist i need a cop you think a cop would help no because
07:34you're
07:34the cartel king and you do whatever you want not everything i want not when it comes to you i
07:40don't
07:41know what to do with that i look at my hands i don't like being lied to mia i grew
07:44up in this world
07:45betrayal is the worst sin there is but i'll wait tell me when you're ready something in my chest
07:50loosens just slightly the first millimeter of relief in weeks i'll tell you at the right time
07:55i need to think it through that's all i need i have money you have peanuts buy whatever you want
08:02i'll see you tonight fiancee i look up from five credit cards and the ring on my finger and the
08:06ghost of his mouth on mine and i think about tobos and franco's deadline and the promise i made in
08:11a
08:11locked bathroom i'll tell him at the right time my phone buzzes it's a message from an unknown number
08:16a photo toas beaten barely consciousness a map pin one line of text come alone i'm running some
08:23errands today you can come along let's see how long you last
08:29i know that's what it was a list of errands emilio had quietly arranged a list of things i was
08:34supposed
08:34to need a list of reasons to stay close to the house i ditched them at the corner of fifth
08:38and
08:39character slipped into a doorway while they ran past in the wrong direction and stood there for
08:43three whole seconds feeling like i'd actually won something the address was a neighborhood that had
08:48given up on itself cracked pavement board windows a smell like rust and old rain the building at the
08:54end of the block looked like it was held together by habit i pushed the door open anyway he needs
08:59me i
08:59told myself he can't hurt me yet there's no baby the whole scene arranged like something from a bad movie
09:06little mia took you long enough i had to get rid of emilio's people i'm not talking about that i'm
09:11talking about why you're not pregnant he looked up when he heard me my stomach turned he started
09:15pulling one of the women closer making a show of it watching my face
09:21when something slammed into the building from the back a sound like the world rearranging itself
09:31franko got one hand on my arm before a gunshot punched through the air and he dropped
09:40emilio stood in the doorway guns still raised still smoking he looked at franko on the floor for
09:47exactly one second then he looked at me you okay did he hurt you i couldn't make words happen i
09:55just
09:55shook my head against his chest and kept shaking take care of the rest we're leaving then he lifted
10:01me literally lifted me and carried me out of that building like i weighed nothing like it was the
10:06most natural thing in the world like he'd been doing it his whole life outside the afternoon light
10:10was so ordinary it almost hurt
10:15i kept waiting for him to put me down to say something cold to remind me that this was a
10:19contract and feelings weren't included he didn't he just held me against his chest in the back seat
10:24while diego drove and the city slipped past the windows like a film i wasn't part of he set me
10:28on the living room sofa carefully gently and told the staff to leave with a single look the room
10:33emptied in seconds it was just us and the afternoon quiet and the weight of everything that had
10:38happened in that filthy room he threatened my cousin he wanted me to have your baby so he could use
10:43the
10:43child as leverage against you why didn't you come to me he said he'd kill tomas if i did your
10:49cousin
10:49was working with gladio he owed him money they built this trap together for you the word together
10:55landed like a stone
10:58what
10:59he gambled himself into a grave
11:01palazio owned him
11:02i stared at my hands
11:04the whole architecture of the pastures rearranged itself in my head
11:07toas weeping on my floor the threats all of it planned
11:10all of it aimed at me
11:11sorry isn't gonna cut it
11:15i thought he was going to be cold about it
11:18that's what i braced for
11:19the cartel king voice
11:20the gun on the table voice that i told you so wrapped in ice
11:24instead he said something i didn't expect at all
11:28you own me
11:28i dropped meetings to pull you out of that coffee shop
11:31i kissed you at our engagement party when i should have been shaking hands
11:34i couldn't kill you when you lied to my face three times and i tried
11:37i sat there and i tried and i couldn't do it
11:39don't quote that stupid contract to me when you own me me espinoza
11:42body and soul
11:43as much as i own you
11:46kiss me like you own me
11:48his jaw worked
11:49he said something about not being able to stop once he started
11:52i didn't let him finish
11:53i grabbed his collar and pulled him down to me
11:55and for one second he went still with pure shock
11:58and then he took over
11:59kissing me like he'd been keeping it locked up for months
12:01which i think he had
12:03yes
12:04do whatever you want to me
12:06punish me
12:07fuck me like you own me
12:08he looked at me for a long moment
12:10something fierce and half undone in his face
12:14don't say i didn't warn you niya
12:21there's a mirror above the dresser in his bedroom
12:23i didn't notice it until he bent me over the drawers and his mouth found my neck
12:26and i looked up and saw us
12:28his hands in my hair
12:29my face flushed
12:30his eyes burning into mine through the glass
12:32look in the mirror
12:34look how slutty you get for me
12:36i couldn't look away
12:37i'm the only one who gets to see you like this
12:40do you understand
12:41lift your dress
12:44watch when i take you
12:45what followed i will not describe in detail
12:47because there are no adequate words for it
12:49i'll say that every time my eyes dropped
12:51he cupped my chin and brought my gaze back to the mirror
12:54mine
12:54every time he said mine
12:56i believed him more completely than i've believed anything in my life
12:59mine
13:01mine
13:05afterward we lay in the dark
13:06his arm across my waist
13:08his breath slow and even
13:09i stared at the ceiling
13:11and felt the particular silence
13:12of someone who has crossed a line
13:14they can't cross back over
13:15you own me mia espinoza
13:17i pressed my face into his shoulder
13:19and tried not to feel how much i wanted that to be true
13:21don't fall
13:22i told myself
13:23i was already falling
13:27one week later
13:28i came home to flowers
13:29that's not quite accurate
13:30i came home to an abundance of flowers
13:32a proliferation
13:33a situation that had clearly escalated well beyond what any reasonable person would call a floral arrangement
13:38every surface in the living room held a different vase
13:41the whole space smelled like a greenhouse had moved in while i was out
13:44standing in the middle of it introducing herself with a warm professional smile was a woman named ollie
13:49she was in her 30s polished very pretty and she was looking at the door behind me in a way
13:53that told me exactly who she was waiting for
13:55emilio came in 30 seconds later
13:57he stopped swept his eyes across the flowers then across me and something in his face went immediately soft in
14:02that way it only does when it's just us
14:04hello wife
14:05i missed you
14:06he dropped kisses on my forehead
14:08i held his forearms
14:09and forgot for a moment that there was a third person in the room
14:13you must be mr reyes
14:15i'm ollie
14:16i'm helping mrs reyes with the wedding florets
14:18emilio looked at all the flowers again
14:20how many flowers does a wedding need
14:22as many as i like
14:23you told me i could have whatever i wanted
14:26he leaned in close
14:27eyes warming
14:28i was thinking of something else entirely when i said that
14:32i shoved his chest
14:33he laughed and pulled me into his side
14:36i didn't notice ollie's expression yet
14:38i would
14:42the roses were imported from bulgaria apparently
14:45perfect for expressing passion
14:48a good fit for your character sir
14:50i looked at emilio
14:52he was looking at me
14:53what do you think
14:54they look pretty
14:55ollie pivoted to lilies before i finished the sentence
14:59they open with just a little attention
15:01and her eyes lingered on emilio
15:03the way eyes linger when they're not really looking at flowers
15:07they look cheap
15:08then orchids
15:10high main taintiness
15:12but a man like you can definitely afford to spoil someone
15:15stop
15:16both of them looked at me
15:18i know what you're doing
15:20and i don't like it
15:22ollie gave me a polished innocent smile
15:25mrs reyes i assure you
15:27it's mrs reyes
15:28you're flirting with my man
15:30in my house
15:31i don't like that
15:33emilio made a sound that was almost a laugh
15:35he lowered his mouth to my ear
15:37you're about to become a mob queen
15:39show her your claws
15:41i turned back to ollie
15:42you're fired
15:43you heard my wife
15:44security came
15:45she went
15:46the door closed
15:48emilio was grinning
15:50you called me your man
15:51because you are
15:54i told him he was sleeping on the couch
15:57in respect this was optimistic of me
15:59for what sin exactly
16:01you didn't shut her down
16:03you just stood there
16:04i was looking at you the whole time
16:06i didn't hear a word she said
16:07that's not the point
16:09couch
16:09i turned to walk away
16:11he caught my wrist
16:12i had about one second of thinking i'd won
16:15before he lifted me over his shoulder
16:16like i was a bag he was rearranging
16:20i squealed
16:21i couldn't help it
16:22put me down
16:25you'll be down when i decide you're down
16:26he carried me out of the room
16:28while i laughed and hit his back
16:30and told him he was ridiculous
16:31he ignored all of it with complete serenity
16:34on the other side of the city
16:35in the abandoned house where franco had died
16:37damien moved through the filthy rooms alone
16:39he stopped at the body
16:41crouched down
16:42studied what was left of the man who had been his instrument
16:44he stood up slowly
16:47coward
16:49he looked around at the decay
16:50the silence
16:51the ruined plan
16:54then he pulled out his phone
16:57guess i'm on my own now
17:00the letter appeared with breakfast
17:03morning wife you got a letter
17:07i read the first line and went completely still
17:09it was an admission letter
17:11nursing school
17:12i never applied for this
17:13i did
17:14he said it casually like it was obvious
17:16like the most natural thing in the world
17:18was for a cartel boff to submit nursing school applications
17:20on behalf of a woman he'd coerced into a contract marriage
17:23how did you even know i wanted to go back
17:25he stopped moving
17:27turned to look at me
17:28with an expression i'd never seen on him before
17:31completely serious
17:32completely open
17:33the night you saved me
17:35you said you were a nursing school dropout
17:37the storage room
17:39the blood
17:41his voice fading in and out as i pressed gauze to his chest
17:44trying to keep him here
17:46i'm a nursing school dropout
17:49you'll survive
17:50he'd been carrying that for months
17:52i listened to everything you say
17:54he took my hand and kissed the back of it
17:56told me the semester started on the 18th
17:57two weeks
17:58he'd arrange bodyguards
17:59i started to object
18:00he said two
18:01not a convoy
18:01and i let it go
18:02then i sat very still
18:04looking at the letter
18:05the 18th
18:06my period was late
18:08more than late
18:09i thought about the soreness i'd been ignoring for a week
18:12and a cold plerry moved through me
18:13fast and certain
18:16bathroom
18:18i was already gone
18:22i sat on the bathroom floor for a long time
18:26the test was in my hand
18:28two lines
18:30unmistakable
18:30sitting there in the morning light
18:32like the simplest and most complicated fact in the world
18:36pregnant
18:36i pressed my palm flat against my stomach
18:39nothing felt different yet
18:41the same body
18:42the same skin
18:43but somewhere in there something had started
18:45something that was half me
18:47and half the man in the kitchen
18:48who had kissed the back of my hand
18:49and said i listened to everything you say
18:51the man who had carried me out of that building
18:53who said you own me
18:55and meant it with his whole body
18:56the man i needed to tell
18:58i thought about what it meant to be pregnant with the cartel king's child
19:01the leverage of it
19:02the danger of it
19:03the way a baby becomes a weapon in this world
19:06whether you want it to or not
19:07i thought about tomos
19:09about all the traps i'd walked into already
19:12and then i stopped thinking about danger
19:14and just felt it
19:16i'm going to be a mother
19:17emilio is going to be a father
19:19i wiped my face
19:21stood up
19:22opened the door
19:23diego was in the hall
19:25where's emilio
19:27meeting miss
19:28with damian
19:29take me to him
19:31please
19:32it's important
19:33the boss doesn't like to be disturbed
19:36but something in my face must have convinced him
19:39he nodded
19:42i followed him out
19:43the test folded in my palm
19:44my heart running ahead of my feet
19:50diego walked me to the study door and left
19:52i could hear voices inside
19:54emilio and damrian
19:55low and urgent
19:56i raised my hand to knock and stopped
19:58the test was still in my palm
20:00two lines
20:01the most important thing i'd ever held
20:04then amadio's voice cut through the door
20:06mia's cousin
20:07he's a fucking clown
20:09my hand dropped
20:10i stood very still
20:12i knew i should walk away
20:13i knew that eavesdropping on the cartel king's private meetings was the kind of thing that ended badly in this
20:19world
20:19i pressed my ear to the door anyway
20:21he could have been useful
20:24he's mia's only blood relative
20:26tied to palosio's mob
20:29he was leverage
20:31what the hell is going on with you
20:33i'm just saying
20:34as the east coast cartel king
20:36you could play more strategically
20:38like not shooting your cousin-in-law in the head
20:40my blood went cold
20:46i couldn't move
20:47what i have with mia is none of your fucking business
20:51damian said something else
20:52something about fixing things with her
20:54keeping tomas alive as a peace offering
20:57but the words were coming through water now
20:59muffled and distant
21:00shooting your cousin-in-law in the head
21:04tomas was dead
21:07emilio had killed him
21:08my cousin
21:09the only blood family i'd left
21:11the person whose life i'd accepted a mob marriage to save
21:14and emilio had shot him
21:15while tomas was under his roof
21:18while i was sleeping down the hall
21:20thinking i'd kept him safe
21:21damian said something about the forged will next
21:24lying about her inheritance just to marry her
21:27a sound at the door
21:29emilio's voice sharpened
21:30who's there
21:36i turned and ran
21:39i was packing before i fully decided to pack
21:42the suitcase was open on the bed
21:44and my hands were moving
21:45and the test was still in my fist
21:47i don't know why i kept holding it
21:49and emilio came through the door
21:51twenty seconds later
21:52face pale
21:53wait what are you doing
21:55what does it look like
21:57mia let's talk
21:58i don't negotiate with the devil
22:00i tried to pass him
22:01he grabbed my arm
22:03stop
22:04let's talk
22:05i jerked free
22:06you lied
22:07you killed my cousin
22:09then you lied again
22:10there's nothing left to say
22:12he exhaled
22:13sharp and frustrated
22:14is killing your scumbag cousin really that big of a deal
22:16i stared at him
22:17i waited for a moment to feel shocked
22:19but there was none left
22:20of course he said that
22:21of course
22:22he was a criminal boss who ran an empire built on violence
22:24and i had somehow convinced myself that the version of him
22:26who kissed my forehead and listened to everything i said was the real one
22:29does a human life mean anything to you
22:32i'm a criminal boss
22:35you knew that when you signed the contract
22:38which you forged
22:41my aunt never wanted me to marry you did she
22:45a long silence
22:46he didn't deny it
22:48you added the marriage clause to trap me
22:51so what
22:52i run a mob
22:53be grateful i didn't take you by force
22:56the words landed like a slap
22:58grateful
22:58he wanted me to be grateful
23:00so grateful
23:01grateful you dragged me into this hell
23:03got my cousin killed
23:05and got me
23:05the test was still in my hand
23:07i looked down at it
23:09the two lines looked back
23:10you'll never know i thought
23:12you don't deserve to
23:14i zipped the suitcase shut
23:18just let me go emilio
23:19you know i can't
23:21in one motion i reached across him and grabbed the gun from his hip
23:24i had it pressed against myself before i thought about what i was doing
23:28the barrel cold against my ribs
23:29my hand shaking
23:30tears running down my face
23:32mia
23:34his voice had changed completely
23:36all the cold stripped out of it
23:38either you let me walk out
23:40or i pull this trigger
23:44he went very still
23:46then he extended his hand
23:47palm up
23:48the way you'd extend a hand to a frightened animal
23:51give me the gun
23:53and i'll let you leave
23:55just like that
23:56yes
23:58you know i can't say no to you
24:00just give me the gun
24:02please
24:03the please undid something in my chest
24:06i hated that it did
24:08after a long moment i laid the gun in his palm
24:12he tucked it away without breaking eye contact
24:14we can fix this
24:15we can pretend none of this happened
24:18i can't pretend
24:20everything between us was built on lies
24:22he stepped closer
24:23his voice dropped
24:25thick with something he was fighting to contain
24:27my feelings for you aren't lies
24:29a tear ran down my face
24:31i looked at his face
24:32really looked at it
24:34this man who had saved me and lied to me and killed my cousin and kissed my forehead in the
24:38morning
24:39all of it true at the same time
24:41none of it simple
24:42i took his hand
24:43i placed the ring in his palm
24:45goodbye emilio
24:46he stood frozen
24:47fist closing around the ring
24:49as i walked out the door
24:53i went to serena's
24:55she opened the door before i finished knocking
24:58took one look at my face
24:59and pulled me inside without asking any questions
25:01she made tea
25:03she handed me tissues
25:04she sat with me on the sofa
25:06and let me cry until there was nothing left
25:08then she waited
25:09he killed my cousin
25:13he lied about the inheritance
25:17everything from the beginning was fabricated to get me into that house
25:21serena was very quiet
25:23she handed me another tissue
25:28too quiet
25:31i looked at her
25:33serena
25:35he killed my cousin
25:36why aren't you shocked
25:38she couldn't meet my eyes
25:41serena
25:43why do you look like you already knew
25:45a long silence
25:46the kind that means the answer is going to change things
25:49i brought domus to him
25:50the room tilted
25:53what
25:57my dad is a mafia don
26:00i heard the words
26:01i process them in a very distant clinical way
26:06the way you process information that is too large to fit into the ordinary world
26:11you lied to me
26:15for five years
26:17i hid it to protect you
26:19so you'd never get dragged into this mob world
26:23but then emilio showed up and
26:24did you know he killed my cousin
26:26the silence that followed was the worst silence of my life
26:30yes
26:32emilio shot your cousin in front of me
26:34i pulled away from her
26:35she reached for my arm
26:38mia please
26:40my family doesn't change who i am
26:42what you mean to me
26:45you sound just like him
26:47i lied to protect you
26:51you watched him die and you didn't tell me
26:54i stood up
26:55she scrambled after me
26:56saying my name
26:58reaching for my arm
26:59i got to the door
27:01mia wait
27:02we're done serena
27:03i ran
27:07the street was cold
27:10serena chased me for half a block before her phone rang and she stopped
27:13i didn't look back
27:14i just walked
27:15arms wrapped around myself
27:16no destination
27:17no plan
27:18just moving because stopping felt like drowning
27:20i thought about my mother who had died and left me in a world i didn't understand
27:23i thought about toas who had sold me to a monster for gambling debts
27:27i thought about the ring i'd left in emilio's hand and the test still folded in my pocket
27:31and the fact that i was pregnant and alone in the dark with nowhere to go
27:34the city moved around me indifferent
27:36a car slowed alongside me i squinted emilio the door opened
27:42not emilio damien
27:48relax
27:49i'm not dragging you anywhere
27:52then what do you want
27:53i have orders to stay with you
27:55but
27:56i can take you to a safe house
27:59emilio won't know
27:59he watched my face
28:01patient
28:02almost gentle
28:03i can even get you out of the country
28:07i stared at him
28:09damien was smiling that easy smile
28:11hands in his pockets
28:12like he was offering him a ride to the airport
28:14nothing in his face looked wrong
28:16why would you help me
28:17you're his brother
28:18i'd like to balance out some of the bad i've done
28:20i'll handle your phone
28:22he put a tracker on it
28:23even works when it's off
28:26i looked down at my phone
28:27then at him
28:29then at the dark street
28:30stretching in both directions with nowhere to go
28:32i handed him the phone
28:34he took it
28:35and i climbed into the back seat
28:37i was so tired
28:38i was so tired of being afraid
28:40of running
28:41of trying to stay one step ahead of men
28:42with more power than i would ever have
28:44the leather seat was warm
28:46damien got into the front without speaking
28:48there's water in the back if you need it
28:52i reached for the bottle
28:53opened it
28:54took a long drink
28:56thank you damien
28:56you're a good man
28:58he watched me in the rearview mirror
29:00and something moved across his face
29:01that i didn't have time to read
29:06the water tasted like water
29:08that was the last thing i registered clearly
29:10then the edges of the window started to blur
29:13the street lights smeared into long yellow streaks
29:16my hand felt very heavy
29:18i looked down at the bottle in my lap
29:20and thought distantly
29:21that something was wrong
29:26the thought didn't finish
29:28i slumped sideways and the world went out like a light
29:33in the front seat
29:34damien watched me through the mirror
29:36his easy smile had changed into something else entirely
29:40something that had been waiting behind it all along
29:43sweet little mia
29:44you have no idea what's coming
29:47for you
29:48or for my arrogant half-brother
29:53we're on our way
29:54have the island ready
29:55outside
29:56the city light slid past and fell behind us
29:59and emilio's mansion disappeared into the dark
30:01and i was gone before i knew i'd been taken
30:06i woke up to the sound of ocean
30:07that was wrong
30:09i lived in the city
30:10the city didn't sound like that
30:12steady and vast and indifferent
30:14like breathing from a long way away
30:16i lay still for a moment with my eyes closed
30:19waiting for the world to reassemble itself into something familiar
30:23it didn't
30:24i opened my eyes
30:25an unfamiliar room
30:27whitewashed walls
30:28wooden shutters
30:29light coming in sideways in gold
30:31not a hotel
30:32not anywhere i'd ever been
30:33i got up and went to the window
30:36trees
30:37ocean
30:38nothing else in any direction
30:40the door opened behind me
30:41good
30:42you're awake
30:44i turned around
30:47he was standing in the frame
30:49hands in his pockets
30:50looking pleased with himself
30:52in that particular way
30:53that meant something had gone
30:54exactly according to plan
30:55where am i
30:56somewhere no one can find you
30:59not even my brother
31:00the memory came back all at once
31:04the car
31:05the water
31:05the bottle in my hand
31:07the edges of the window blurring
31:09you kidnapped me
31:11smart girl
31:13i see why emilio kept you around
31:16but not smart enough
31:18he moved into the room
31:19and i stepped back
31:21until the wall found me
31:26he told me about palacio
31:28not the way i'd understood it
31:29franco as emilio's enemy
31:31using me as a pawn
31:32damien had been behind franco
31:33the whole time
31:34he'd found my cousin
31:35the moment he ran my background check
31:37he'd built the trap
31:38handed tomas to franco
31:39and watched the whole thing play out
31:40from inside emilio's house
31:41franco palano was a fucking idiot
31:43but he was a useful one
31:45until your cartel king
31:47shot him in the head
31:49my cousin died because of you
31:51his expression didn't change
31:53i slapped him
31:54his head snapped sideways
31:56a beat of absolute silence
31:58then he turned back
31:59and the easy smile was gone
32:01replaced by something
32:03that had always been underneath it
32:06he grabbed my throat
32:07and slammed me into the wall
32:09you're lucky i need you
32:12or i'd choke the life
32:13out of you right now
32:14his eyes moved over me
32:16in a way that made my skin crawl
32:17if my cold-hearted brother
32:19is obsessed with you
32:20there must be something
32:22worth exploring
32:22he leaned in
32:25i bit him
32:26hard
32:30he pulled back with a snarl
32:32and i saw his arm draw back
32:33don't
32:34please
32:34i'm pregnant
32:35his fist stopped
32:36the room went very quiet
32:38demian stared at me
32:40the fury draining out of his face
32:41and being replaced by something more dangerous
32:44calculation
32:44you're pregnant
32:46with emilio's baby
32:48i nodded
32:49my throat ached
32:50where his hand had been
32:51he stepped back
32:52then he started laughing
32:53really laughing
32:54the kind that fills a room
32:55and i stood against the wall
32:57and watched him
32:58and felt a cold
32:58creeping dread
32:59oh this is gold
33:01palami actually pulled it off
33:02i thought his plan to knock you up
33:03was ridiculous
33:04emilio would never
33:05never what
33:06there's a rumor he's infertile
33:07maybe it's real
33:08maybe he spread it
33:09so women wouldn't chase him
33:10either way
33:11you and that baby
33:12just changed everything
33:13he headed for the door
33:14still grinning
33:15what are you going to do to me
33:17he turned
33:18one hand on the frame
33:19relax
33:22i was going to let my men
33:23have some fun with you
33:25but now
33:27i need that baby unharmed
33:31he told me about the island
33:34pacific
33:35private
33:37surrounded by his army
33:38and buried in the ground
33:39all around the house
33:41explosives
33:41enough to bring everything down
33:43triggered by a detonator
33:45he kept on his person
33:46if emilio tries anything
33:47boom
33:48then he left me there
33:50i slid down the wall
33:51and sat on the floor
33:53and tried to think
33:54the ocean kept making
33:56its vast in a myriant sound
33:57outside the shuttered window
33:59you're on a private pacific island
34:02surrounded by a full army
34:03with bombs underneath you
34:06i pressed both hands flat
34:08against my stomach
34:08i'm going to get us out of here
34:10i didn't know if that was true
34:12i said it anyway
34:13because someone had to
34:15i thought about the note
34:17emilio had tucked into
34:18a nursing school envelope
34:20i listened to everything you say
34:21i thought about the way
34:23he'd lifted me out of
34:24franco's building
34:25like i was something worth
34:26carrying
34:27i thought about his fist
34:28closing around my ring
34:29find me
34:30i thought
34:30please find me
34:33the door stayed closed
34:35the ocean kept breathing
34:37i stayed on the floor
34:38and i waited
34:41on the third night
34:42a hand touched my shoulder
34:44i jolted awake
34:45already pulling back
34:46already opening my mouth
34:47to scream
34:48and a hand covered it
34:49a familiar weight
34:50a familiar smell
34:51mia
34:51it's me
34:52a voice in my ear
34:54barely a breath
34:55i collapsed into him
34:56he held me for exactly
34:58three seconds
34:59his arms around me
35:00his chin on my head
35:01the realness of him
35:02solid and overwhelming
35:03and then he pulled back
35:05and cupped my face
35:06and checked me
35:07the way he'd checked me
35:07in the warehouse
35:08all those months ago
35:09systematic and frantic
35:10at the same time
35:11are you hurt?
35:13no
35:13how did you
35:14serena
35:14and your mafia princess
35:16friend has a helicopter
35:16he pressed his lips
35:18to my forehead
35:18quick and fierce
35:19follow my lead
35:20we're heading to the chopper
35:21stay close
35:21stay quiet
35:22he had a gun in his hand
35:23he opened the door
35:24checked the corridor
35:25and guided me out
35:26into the dark
35:29we made it 30 feet
35:31damien's voice
35:32came from ahead of us
35:33easy and amused
35:34like he'd been waiting
35:35since when does
35:36the cartel king
35:37use knockout drugs
35:38to sneak in?
35:39emilio stopped
35:41gun raised
35:42since when do you
35:43skip dinner?
35:47damien stepped out
35:48of the shadows
35:48in his hand
35:50raised between
35:51two fingers
35:51like a cigarette
35:52was the detonator
35:55since the day
35:56dad handed you
35:57the cartel
35:58his thumb
35:59hovered over the button
36:01emilio moved
36:01in front of me
36:02without thinking
36:03thinking about it
36:03blocking me
36:04with his body
36:04drop the gun
36:05brother
36:10emilio dropped it
36:12you want the cartel?
36:14fine
36:14i'll give it to you
36:16i don't want
36:16the stupid mob
36:17it's you
36:18it's always been you
36:20his voice had broken open
36:21and underneath the ease
36:22and the planning
36:23and the long patient game
36:24was something rawer
36:25something that had been
36:26sitting in that house
36:27for years
36:28growing in the dark
36:29then take me
36:30do whatever you want
36:31but let me go
36:33don't drag her into this
36:37it happened in less
36:38than a second
36:38emilio crossing
36:39the corridor
36:40in two strides
36:40shoulder dropping
36:41crashing into his brother
36:42the detonator
36:43flew from damion's hand
36:44but damio's smile
36:45came back
36:46colder than before
36:47no
36:49your offspring
36:50isn't getting out
36:51today either
36:52he turned to me
36:53slowly
36:54and in that moment
36:55nothing in his face
36:56was the cartel king
36:57nothing was the man
36:58who made rooms
36:59go silent
37:00and had people removed
37:01he just looked at me
37:02like i was the only thing
37:03in the room
37:04that mattered
37:04you're pregnant
37:06i nodded
37:07his jaw set
37:09he turned back
37:10to damian
37:12not happening
37:16then we all die
37:17his thumb moved
37:19emilio lunged
37:20he of them
37:21hit the window
37:22behind them
37:23and went through it
37:23in a shower of glass
37:24and frame
37:25and night air
37:29emilio
37:32silence
37:33silence
37:33then the night
37:34outside was just
37:35the ocean
37:36and the dark
37:37and the sound
37:37of my own breathing
37:38ragged
37:39and desperate
37:41i ran for the door
37:44they were both
37:45on the ground
37:45outside
37:47unconscious
37:49not moving
37:49damian face down
37:51in the dirt
37:51emilio on his back
37:53with his eyes closed
37:54and one arm
37:54thrown wide
37:55and glass in his hair
37:56i heard voices
37:58serena
37:58marco
37:59running toward me
38:00i dropped to my knees
38:02beside emilio
38:05emilio
38:06emilio
38:07wake up
38:08we have to go
38:09mia
38:11marco was already
38:12beside me
38:13hands on emilio's chest
38:15pressing and counting
38:16i sat there
38:17and held emilio's hand
38:19and watched marco's face
38:20and couldn't breathe
38:22come back
38:23come back
38:25come back
38:29emilio coughed
38:31his chest heaved
38:32his eyes opened
38:34everyone let out a breath
38:36at the same time
38:38i'm okay
38:40we need to move
38:41he started to get up
38:43i helped him
38:44my hands shaking
38:45chopper's ready
38:46this way
38:46emilio stood
38:49unsteady
38:49and looked at
38:50damian's limp body
38:53you go ahead
38:54i need to finish him
38:59i'm not leaving you
39:00you want to watch me
39:02shoot my own brother
39:04i don't care
39:07you're pregnant
39:08mia
39:09go
39:09his voice was gentle
39:11but final
39:11the voice that meant
39:13he'd already decided
39:14promise you'll come
39:16i promise
39:17serena took my arm
39:18i let her pull me away
39:20looking back over my shoulder
39:21at emilio standing over
39:22his brother in the dark
39:23he didn't look back at me
39:24he was already somewhere else
39:26somewhere cold and necessary
39:27he's going to be fine
39:28he's emilio reyes
39:30we were 20 yards from the house
39:32then 30
39:32the helicopter was somewhere ahead
39:34its blades beginning to turn
39:36i kept walking
39:37he promised
39:38he promised
39:39he promised
39:42the world turned white
39:44the sound hit me a full second
39:46after the light
39:47a wall of pressure and noise
39:49that knocked me sideways
39:50serena's grip tearing loose
39:52i turned around
39:53the house was on fire
39:55not catching fire
39:57already fire
39:58instant and total
39:59a column of flame
40:00reaching up into the dark sky
40:02the windows gone
40:03the roof already folding
40:04the air tasted like smoke
40:08i couldn't move
40:09serena was saying something
40:11marco was saying something
40:12the helicopter blades
40:13were louder now
40:14someone was pulling at my arm
40:16and i couldn't move
40:17because emilio was in that house
40:18and he had promised
40:19and he was in that house
40:20no
40:22the word came out of me
40:23like something being torn out
40:24no emilio
40:26serena had both arms around me
40:27from behind holding me back
40:28i fought her
40:29i don't remember
40:30deciding to fight her
40:31my body just refused
40:33to go anywhere without him
40:38marco was already running
40:39back toward the burning house
40:40calling into his radio
40:42i stopped fighting
40:43i just stood there
40:45in serena's arms
40:46and watched the fire
40:47eat the house
40:47and felt the heat on my face
40:49and thought about a man
40:50in a study saying
40:51i listened to everything you say
40:52and a man in a corridor
40:54with his shoulder dropping
40:55and his body going through glass
40:56going through glass
40:58to keep a detonator
40:59out of his brother's hand
41:00going through glass for me
41:01the flames climbed higher
41:03the night was orange and black
41:05i pressed both hands
41:07over the small life inside me
41:08and i waited
41:09and i waited
41:10and i waited
41:12and no one came
41:15five months later
41:16that's what the subtitle would say
41:18if my life were a movie
41:19five months later
41:21a neat jump cut
41:24all the grief
41:25and the waiting
41:25and the nights i lay awake
41:27with one hand on my stomach
41:28and the other pressed to my mouth
41:29to keep quiet
41:30compressed into three words
41:32and a hard cut to a woman
41:33on a street corner
41:34in white gloves
41:35me
41:36i'm eight months pregnant
41:37and i'm wearing white gloves
41:39and i'm standing on a sidewalk
41:40watching a homeless man run
41:42he thinks he's running
41:43from the two cars
41:44that boxed him in
41:47he's not
41:48he's running from me
41:50the car door opens
41:52i step out
41:54damien stops
41:56he looks older
41:57thinner
41:57five months on the street
41:59will do that
42:00five months knowing
42:01that the woman
42:01whose house you burnt out
42:02is carrying the air
42:03to the reyes cartel
42:04and is looking for you
42:05that will do it too
42:07i pull off one gloves
42:09finger by finger
42:11hello brother-in-law
42:15my men take him
42:16before he can speak
42:19wait
42:19mia
42:21we should talk
42:22yes
42:24we should
42:27the basement of the reyes mansion
42:29is very quiet
42:30i had dia's repainted
42:32new lighting
42:33a good chair for me to sit in
42:34positioned at exactly
42:36the right distance
42:36i learned from the best
42:38after all
42:38i watched emilio run
42:40this house for months
42:41i know how it's done
42:42i sit with my legs
42:43rapes crossed
42:44and my hands folded
42:46over my stomach
42:46and i watched
42:48two of my men work
42:49mia
42:50damien screams
42:51he begs
42:52he says my name
42:53like it's a password
42:54that will open a door
42:55like some part of him
42:56still believes
42:56i'm the nursing student
42:57from the fast food restaurant
42:58who cried on a sofa
43:00and couldn't look
43:00emilio in the eye
43:01i'm not her anymore
43:02make this stop
43:04please
43:05mia
43:05i give the men a look
43:07they hit harder
43:08after a while
43:09i raise a hand
43:10and they stop
43:11the basement goes quiet
43:12except for damien's
43:13raggled breathing
43:14and the distant sound
43:15of the city outside
43:15i stand up and walk
43:17over to him
43:21tell me where he is
43:23damien looks up at me
43:25through blood
43:26his smile is still there
43:28somehow cracked and terrible
43:29come closer
43:31i'll tell you
43:35i leaned down
43:37his mouth was near my ear
43:39and i stayed perfectly still
43:40and waited
43:41he's rotting in hell
43:43just like you will be
43:45you stupid
43:46i straightened up
43:48i pulled the gun
43:49from the back of my waistband
43:52the one diego had started
43:54leaving on my night state
43:55three months ago
43:56after the first two attempts
43:57on my life
43:58after i'd started running
43:59this operation alone
44:01and i shot damien once
44:02he slumped
44:03i stood there for a moment
44:05and looked at him
44:06emilio's brother
44:07the man who had built
44:08every trap i'd walked into
44:09the man who had burned down
44:11the house with emilio
44:12inside it
44:12then i peeled off
44:14the other glove
44:14folded both of them together
44:16and walked out
44:20diego was waiting
44:21in the rordo with a package
44:22mail address to your name ma'am
44:24he held it out
44:25the label read
44:27mia espinoza
44:28i frowned
44:30i thought i changed
44:31my last name on everything
44:32could be from before
44:36i took it
44:40i opened it in the study
44:43a file
44:44legal documents
44:46a will
44:46notarized
44:47witness
44:48dated three months
44:49before lesia died
44:50i read the first page
44:51and had to sit down
44:53100 million dollars
44:55her actual inheritance
44:56not the fabricated claws
44:58amicio had invented
44:58to get me into his house
44:59the real thing
45:00the money she'd spent
45:01her life accumulating
45:02and had always meant to
45:04give to the niece
45:04she wrote letters to
45:05and called her girl
45:06where it all started
45:07i thought
45:08diego stood near the door
45:11mr rejes would have found you
45:12regardless of the inheritance
45:17sounds like him
45:18i turned to the last page
45:20and a small piece of paper
45:21fell out
45:22folded once
45:23the size of a fortune cookie
45:24slip
45:25i picked it up
45:26the handwriting was
45:26amelio's
45:27i'd seen it on a hundred
45:28things
45:28notes
45:29contracts
45:30the margin of a book
45:31he'd left open on the
45:31kitchen counter
45:32i'd have known it anywhere
45:33it said
45:34love at first sight
45:35i sat there holding
45:36that small piece of paper
45:37for a long time
45:38then i pressed it
45:40against my chest
45:40and closed my eyes
45:41i'll find you
45:42amelio reyes
45:43wherever you are
45:47he was in sicily
45:48i didn't know that yet
45:49i knew it the way
45:51you know things
45:51when you've been
45:52running someone's empire
45:53for five months
45:54and you've learned
45:54to read diego's face
45:55there was somewhere
45:57he wouldn't look
45:57some piece of information
45:59that lived just behind
46:00his careful
46:01professional expression
46:02but he wouldn't tell me
46:03and i understood why
46:05amelio had told him
46:06not to
46:07so i waited
46:08on a balcony
46:10overlooking the
46:10mediterranean
46:11a man in a wheelchair
46:12watched the ocean
46:14he'd been watching it
46:15for weeks
46:15the light changed
46:17the water changed
46:19he watched it all
46:20with the patience
46:21of someone who has
46:21decided not to go
46:22anywhere until they're
46:23ready
46:24serena flew to sicily
46:26on a tuesday
46:26she found him on the
46:28balcony
46:28thinner than she'd
46:29left him
46:30the ocean wind
46:31moving through his
46:32hair
46:32she dropped a
46:33photograph on his
46:34lap without greeting
46:34him first
46:35in the photo
46:36damien
46:37dead
46:38emilio picked up
46:39the photo
46:40looked at it
46:40for a long moment
46:41that's my girl
46:45she's gonna be pissed
46:46if you're not there
46:47when she gives birth
46:49i can't see her
46:50like this
46:51you could show up
46:52as a worm
46:53and she'd still
46:53love you
46:54i'm tired of lying
46:55to my best friend
46:56again
46:59she'll forgive you
47:00serena ground
47:01and sat down
47:02on the low wall
47:03beside his chair
47:03the mediterranean
47:04was the specific
47:05blue it gets
47:06in the late afternoon
47:07almost violet
47:08at the edges
47:09come back with me
47:10tomorrow
47:10i'm flying out
47:11in the morning
47:11no
47:13emilio
47:15i'll return
47:15when i can stand
47:16on my own feet
47:18i want her to know
47:19i'm still the man
47:19who can protect her
47:21and our baby
47:22serena stared at him
47:23for a long moment
47:24toxic masculinity
47:25from a cartel king
47:26who would have thought
47:27a beat
47:28you know you're
47:29kind of cute
47:29in a wheelchair
47:31don't let your bodyguard
47:32hear that
47:33he helps me
47:34to the bathroom
47:34serena laughed
47:35a real laugh
47:36surprised out of her
47:37she stood up
47:38and kissed the top
47:39of his head
47:39don't take too long
47:41she walked out
47:44emilio stayed
47:45on the balcony
47:45until the light
47:46was gone
47:49he reached
47:50into his pocket
47:51the ring was small
47:52and cold
47:53and familiar
47:54mia's engagement ring
47:55the one she'd placed
47:57in his palm
47:57in the bedroom
47:58and walked away from
47:59he'd been carrying it
48:00since that night
48:01through the crash
48:02through the window
48:03through however many
48:04surgeries he didn't
48:05fully remember
48:06through the months
48:06of physical therapy
48:07on this balcony
48:08overlooking the sea
48:09he turned it
48:10in his fingers
48:11he thought about
48:12the night in the alley
48:12when he'd looked up
48:13from the pavement
48:14and seen a woman
48:14he'd never met
48:15pressing gons to his chest
48:16and telling him
48:17to stop moving
48:17or he'd bleed more
48:18he'd been half dead
48:19and delirious
48:19and he thought
48:20i know you
48:20i don't know you yet
48:22but i know you
48:23lietia had talked
48:23about her for years
48:24her niece
48:25the nursing student
48:26the girl who sent
48:27letters and called
48:28every sunday
48:29and had her mother's
48:29stubbornness
48:30and her own fierce
48:31particular kindness
48:33he'd carried the shape
48:34of her before he knew
48:35her face
48:35he closed his hand
48:36around the ring
48:37i'm coming back
48:38to you mia
48:39the ocean was dark
48:40now
48:41the stars were coming
48:42out one by one
48:43over sicily
48:45i'm coming back
48:49two months later
48:51i thought giving birth
48:52at home would be easier
48:53i was wrong
48:54it's never easy
48:56i hate you
48:57i hate you
48:58emilio reyes
48:59almost there
49:00one more push
49:01i hate you
49:03i pushed
49:04i pushed
49:05the world split
49:06open and then
49:06there was a sound
49:07small and indignant
49:09and completely
49:09certain of itself
49:11and the doctor
49:12was saying something
49:13i couldn't hear
49:13and someone was crying
49:15and i thought
49:15it might be me
49:16ma'am
49:16you need to stay
49:17with us
49:18you haven't seen
49:19your baby
49:19but i'm just
49:20so tired
49:21i was tired
49:22in a way
49:22i had never
49:23been tired
49:23before
49:24down into the marrow
49:25my body suddenly
49:26hollow and enormous
49:27at the same time
49:28stay
49:28stay
49:29you have to stay
49:30my eyes closed
49:31someone said my name
49:33i tried to hold on
49:34then
49:35at the edge of the light
49:36a silhouette appeared
49:37in the doorway
49:38not diego
49:39not serena
49:40not a doctor
49:42a silhouette that moved
49:44the way only one person
49:45in my life
49:45had ever moved
49:48he was standing
49:49on his own feet
49:50that was the first thing
49:51i registered
49:52not that he was there
49:53not even that he was alive
49:54but that he was standing
49:55on his own two feet
49:56in the doorway
49:57of my hospital room
49:58wearing clothes
49:59i didn't recognize
49:59thinner than i remembered
50:01with a look on his face
50:02that i had no word for
50:03mia
50:03my name in his voice
50:04i had been so tired
50:06a moment ago
50:07the darkness
50:07had been pulling me down
50:08and i had been letting it
50:09because i didn't have
50:10anything left to fight with
50:11but my eyes opened
50:14emilio
50:14he crossed the room
50:15he dropped to his knees
50:17beside the bed
50:17he took my face
50:18in both hands
50:19and pressed his forehead
50:19to mine
50:20i felt him shaking
50:20this man who never shook
50:21who never showed anything
50:22who had spent 32 years
50:23building a wall around himself
50:24and had spent six months
50:25tearing it down for me
50:26he was shaking
50:27somewhere behind him
50:28a baby was crying
50:29our baby
50:29ours
50:30you came
50:31i told you i was coming back
50:32outside the hospital window
50:34the city was beginning
50:35its ordinary morning
50:36entirely aware
50:36that something fundamental
50:37had just changed
50:38inside i closed my eyes
50:40and held on to him
50:41and listened to the small
50:41indignant perfect sound
50:43of our daughter
50:43announcing herself
50:44to the world
50:44we were here
50:45both of us
50:46finally
50:50this is what i know now
50:51i know that love
50:52is not the clean safe thing
50:53i thought it would be
50:54when i was 22
50:55and working at a fast food counter
50:56and keeping a wish list
50:57of what my life
50:58was supposed to become
50:59i thought love would feel
51:00like arriving somewhere
51:01i thought it would be warm
51:03and certain
51:03and uncomplicated
51:05it is none of those things
51:08it is a man pressing gauze
51:09to a wound in a back room
51:12it is a ring in a palm
51:13and a door closing
51:14and a house going up in flames
51:17it is five months
51:18of running an empire
51:19i didn't ask for
51:21learning the weight of a gun
51:22and the patience required
51:23to wait for someone
51:24who promised to come back
51:25he is not a good man
51:27in the simple sense
51:28i know what he runs
51:30and what it costs
51:30and i have made my peace
51:32with the distance
51:33between who he is out there
51:34and who he is in this room
51:37holding our daughter
51:37like she's the most fragile
51:39and important thing
51:40he's ever been handed
51:41he is sitting in the chair
51:42beside my bed
51:43and she is asleep
51:44on his chest
51:44and he is not looking
51:45at anything in the room
51:46except her
51:47she has his dark eyes
51:48she has already
51:50even at one day old
51:51a particular expression
51:52of absolute conviction
51:53that i recognize
51:54from watching him
51:55walk into rooms
51:55i saved a man
51:56in an alley once
51:57i was 22
51:59and afraid
51:59and i had no idea
52:00what i was saving him into
52:02best mistake i ever made
Comments