- 5 hours ago
Abandoned on a Snow Mountain, I Became a Tycoon's Obsession EPISODE
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Short filmTranscript
00:08:54She's not the graduate studies she's been pretending to be.
00:08:56Damien laid it out on the rolling tray table at my elbow.
00:08:59Two wire transferals, both routed through the same Delaware shell.
00:09:01Both signed at the receiving end by R. Snow.
00:09:03The amounts were not enormous.
00:09:0484,000, 112,000.
00:09:06Both wired in the last 14 months.
00:09:08Both dated to weeks Reagan had been listed on Preston's Expedition Minus as a junior researcher.
00:09:1284,000 for what?
00:09:13Equipment line item.
00:09:15A piece of sonar gear that was never delivered.
00:09:17She's 26.
00:09:19She's 26 on paper.
00:09:20Her undergrad was an internship at a foundation in Connecticut
00:09:24whose director sat on three of Preston's grant review panels.
00:09:29She wasn't his accident.
00:09:31She was his hire.
00:09:32She was his hire.
00:09:36How long have you known?
00:09:39Since the second wire cleared.
00:09:42Four months.
00:09:46I was building.
00:09:47I needed the chain to be unbreakable.
00:09:50If you'd come to me sooner, I'd have moved sooner.
00:09:56I didn't know to come to you.
00:09:58I know.
00:09:59A nurse pushed open the door, look at my face,
00:10:01looked at the tray of documents,
00:10:02looked at Damon, and quietly backed out.
00:10:04Damon picked up a fresh sheet from the bottom of the stack.
00:10:06He turned it so I could see.
00:10:07It was a screen grab of a private social media account locked.
00:10:10One of two followers.
00:10:11The vestring handle of a core counter.
00:10:12The hand was not mine.
00:10:13The post was dated two years before Reagan had supposedly emailed Preston out of the blue.
00:10:17The pin post was a photograph of Preston and Krasen's shoe seat or hand been invincible.
00:10:21The wound throbbed once.
00:10:23I let it.
00:10:24Damien.
00:10:25Hmm?
00:10:26She's been with him for-
00:10:27At minimum, three years.
00:10:32Three years.
00:10:33Three years was an entire fellowship cycle.
00:10:36Three years was a lab move.
00:10:37Three years was every conference where Preston had told me he was too overwhelmed to bring me as a guest.
00:10:42Three years was the time during which I had been planning a wedding in my head,
00:10:45while writing his grants in my hand.
00:10:47I picked the photograph back up.
00:10:49The hand on Preston's cheek had a small mark at the wrist,
00:10:52the same shape as a beauty mark Reagan had,
00:10:55very pale, almost invisible against her skin.
00:10:57I had once told her that mark was lovely.
00:11:00She had told me she hated it.
00:11:06How long until the audit drops?
00:11:08Friday.
00:11:09Three days.
00:11:10How long until the criminal complaint files?
00:11:14Riley Pope has already been brought in for questioning by the U.S. Attorney's Office.
00:11:17Preston?
00:11:18He'll be charged Tuesday.
00:11:19Federal jurisdiction.
00:11:20The beacon falls under interstate field safety regulations.
00:11:23Reagan?
00:11:23Reagan is more delicate.
00:11:24The wires are evidence of fraud.
00:11:26The relationship is evidence of motive.
00:11:28The recording is evidence of intent.
00:11:29But she'll lawyer up fast.
00:11:30I expect her to flip on Preston by the end of next week.
00:11:33And the academic side.
00:11:34Marsha's ethics committee convenes Wednesday at his university.
00:11:37We are providing the audit, the recording, and the wires.
00:11:40Outcome is predictable.
00:11:41He'll be stripped of his appointment, his doctoral supervision rights,
00:11:44his five most recent publications, and the federal grant he was about to sign.
00:11:49Reeves.
00:11:49Damien did not blink.
00:11:51Reeves has known about the embezzlement for at least two years.
00:11:54I closed my eyes.
00:11:55He nominated you for the independent fellowship in part to diffuse internal questions about
00:11:59who your name kept appearing on the Foundation paperwork and never on the bylines.
00:12:03That's why he called me.
00:12:04That's why he called me.
00:12:05A door opened.
00:12:05I opened my eyes.
00:12:06My father was standing in the doorway.
00:12:08Eyes red.
00:12:09Coats till on.
00:12:10The wrinkles on his face deeper than I remembered.
00:12:12You.
00:12:12Damien stood up.
00:12:13He stopped two feet from Damien and put both hands on Damien's shoulders.
00:12:15He did not look at me as he passed.
00:12:18My father had not cried in front of me since my mother's funeral.
00:12:21He did not cry now.
00:12:22Exactly.
00:12:23But he sat on the edge of my bed and held my left hand,
00:12:25the one with Damien's signet still on the forefinger,
00:12:27and he did not let go for a long time.
00:12:30Don't talk.
00:12:30He held my hand.
00:12:32I have to.
00:12:32Sloane, don't talk.
00:12:33He looked at the signet.
00:12:34He looked at Damien standing very still by the window.
00:12:37How long?
00:12:3920 years, sir.
00:12:41I know that.
00:12:42I mean the ring.
00:12:44Five days.
00:12:45Dad nodded once.
00:12:47Slow.
00:12:53The Pierce's boy.
00:12:55The one who used to follow Sloane around the orchard at Thanksgiving
00:12:58and pretend he didn't care if she shared her dessert.
00:13:02Yes, sir.
00:13:03Dad almost smiled.
00:13:05I told your father at the time.
00:13:07Told him what, sir?
00:13:08That you were going to be the kind of man who ran out of things to fear by the age
00:13:12of 30.
00:13:16He didn't believe me.
00:13:19He was wrong.
00:13:22Sweetheart.
00:13:25The foundation is mine again.
00:13:28As of this morning, the board approved a clean break from the Marsh Laboratory and all of his ongoing projects.
00:13:37The audit will be public when it drops.
00:13:39Your name will be cleared as of Friday morning.
00:13:42The donor wall in Cambridge will be re-engraved with your sole credit on the Whitfield Climate Initiative.
00:13:49Dad, that's...
00:13:50That's seven years of your life, Sloane.
00:13:52Not a favor.
00:13:53He pressed my hand.
00:13:55He stood up.
00:13:56He kissed my forehead the way he had when I was a child home from school with Strep.
00:14:04I'm going to step outside and let you rest.
00:14:06I'll be in the hall.
00:14:06I'll be in the hall.
00:14:07He looked at Damien.
00:14:08Crane.
00:14:09Sir.
00:14:10When she's better, we talk.
00:14:15Yes, sir.
00:14:18The door closed.
00:14:22I looked at Damien.
00:14:23I had known him for a long time.
00:14:26He gave you permission?
00:14:28He sat back down on the edge of the bed.
00:14:30He didn't have to.
00:14:31I never asked him for any.
00:14:36But yes, he did.
00:14:40I'll wait until you're ready.
00:14:43For what?
00:14:45He almost smiled.
00:14:46Not quite.
00:14:48Everything.
00:15:00Friday morning.
00:15:01The audit dropped.
00:15:02It hit the internet at 6 a.m.
00:15:04Eastern.
00:15:04A leak coordinated.
00:15:05Presumably.
00:15:06By Damien's communications team went to a science investigative reporter at a respected outlet.
00:15:11By 8.
00:15:11The headline had been picked up by every major U.S. paper.
00:15:14By 10.
00:15:15The hashtag was trending.
00:15:16Garcia walked into my room with a tablet and a tray of fresh squeezed orange juice.
00:15:20216 articles since 6.
00:15:23She tapped the screen.
00:15:26Glaciotology star falls in Whitefield Foundation fraud probe inside the regling cover-up.
00:15:31I scrolled.
00:15:32Photographs of Preston.
00:15:33Photographs of the Rangel camp.
00:15:35A still from the radio archive showing the timestamp on Preston's order to disable my beacon.
00:15:40A photograph of the equipment crate I had spent the night inside, with claw marks down the side.
00:15:45Taken by a federal investigator the morning after my evacuation.
00:15:48The comments were brutal.
00:15:50If this is what academic excellence looks like, this man let his girlfriend bleed in the snow for a grand.
00:15:56The deputy who turned off her beacon should be in handcuffs by lunch.
00:15:59I scrolled until I found Reagan.
00:16:02She had preempted the audit.
00:16:04Sloane Whitfield could have died.
00:16:06Cry harder.
00:16:08I closed the tablet.
00:16:10How is Preston taking it?
00:16:11He has not been seen leaving his apartment.
00:16:13The university has placed him on administrative leave pending Wednesday's hearing.
00:16:17Riley Pope has been charged.
00:16:18He pleaded out.
00:16:1918 months federal with cooperation.
00:16:21Reagan Snow's lawyer issued a statement at 7 a.m. claiming she will fully cooperate.
00:16:26Dr. Reeves announced his retirement at 6.30.
00:16:28Effective immediately.
00:16:30The university accepted within the hour.
00:16:32I exhaled.
00:16:33The wound did not mind anymore.
00:16:35In a meeting.
00:16:36He'll be back at noon.
00:16:37He left this for you.
00:16:38She slid a small white card onto the tray.
00:16:40I picked it up.
00:16:42By Saturday, I was sitting upright in a chair by the window.
00:16:45By Sunday, I was walking the corridor twice a day with a nurse at my house.
00:16:48By Monday, they had moved me out of the ICU and into a regular suite on the 14th floor,
00:16:53where the view stretched all the way down across the East River.
00:16:56The flowers had started arriving Friday afternoon and had not stopped.
00:16:59The first arrangement was from my graduate school cohort, the second from the foundation
00:17:03board.
00:17:04The third and this one had made me sit up from the chair of the National Science Foundation,
00:17:08who had written a personal note saying he had been appalled, and that I should consider
00:17:12when I was well enough picking up the principal investigator role on the project that had
00:17:16been Preston's.
00:17:17The fourth came with no card.
00:17:18You're upright.
00:17:20I'm upright.
00:17:22How does it feel?
00:17:23Like I have a hole in my chest, but a much smaller one than yesterday.
00:17:27He almost smiled.
00:17:28From you?
00:17:30Hmm.
00:17:32Narcissus.
00:17:33From the lake house.
00:17:35Hmm.
00:17:38Damien.
00:17:39He met my eyes.
00:17:41How long?
00:17:44The flower?
00:17:46Since you were 12?
00:17:48Not the flower.
00:17:49He sat on the edge of the bed.
00:17:50I sat with that.
00:17:51Sloan.
00:17:5220 years.
00:17:53I was 29.
00:17:5420 years.
00:17:55That meant when I had cried to him about my freshman year boyfriend at 16 he had already
00:17:58known.
00:17:58That meant every time, over the long stretch of years, he had appeared at the edge of my life
00:18:02with the precise timing of a person who was paying very close attention.
00:18:05Without ever announcing himself, I looked at the signet on my left hand.
00:18:10Damien.
00:18:12Hmm.
00:18:16Why didn't you ever say?
00:18:18Damien took a long time to answer.
00:18:20The light from the window had begun to thin.
00:18:22The kind of New York winter dusk that turns everything blue.
00:18:25When you were 12, you were 12.
00:18:27There was nothing to say.
00:18:29When you were 16, you were dating that boy.
00:18:31You were happy.
00:18:32There was nothing to say.
00:18:33When you were 19, you came home from college and told me you'd met a graduate student named
00:18:38Preston Marsh.
00:18:40You want to know what I thought of him.
00:18:44I told you he was fine.
00:18:46You told me he was fine.
00:18:48He wasn't fine.
00:18:50I knew he wasn't fine.
00:18:53But you wanted permission.
00:18:54You were not asking me what I thought of him.
00:18:58You were asking me to bless what you had already decided.
00:19:02You blessed it anyway.
00:19:04I blessed it anyway.
00:19:06Why?
00:19:06He looked down at his hands.
00:19:08Because if I'd said no, you would have done it anyway.
00:19:10And I would have lost you for the next decade instead of being able to sit across a holiday
00:19:13table from you twice a year.
00:19:16I made a calculation.
00:19:18The calculation was wrong.
00:19:20He looked up.
00:19:22I would have made a different one.
00:19:24If I had known.
00:19:26Known what?
00:19:28That he would put a hole in your chest.
00:19:30The room held the sentence.
00:19:31I felt the wound stir.
00:19:32It did not hurt the same way anymore.
00:19:34It hurt differently.
00:19:35Damien.
00:19:35Like something was being said through it.
00:19:36And not done to it.
00:19:38It wasn't his hole.
00:19:39It was an ice shard.
00:19:40It was his hole.
00:19:42He left you with it.
00:19:43He turned off your beacon.
00:19:45He drove away.
00:19:46He did not soften the statement.
00:19:47The shape of the wound is ice full.
00:19:49And you crossed the country.
00:19:51The cause of the wound is Preston Marsh.
00:19:53I would have crossed any country.
00:19:58Damien.
00:19:59He did not look away.
00:20:04I'm not going to forgive him.
00:20:06I know.
00:20:07I'm not going to take him back.
00:20:09I know.
00:20:11I am, however, going to need a minute.
00:20:16I know.
00:20:19I've spent a lifetime waiting for you, Sloane.
00:20:25Take all the time you need.
00:20:27He stood.
00:20:27He bent forward.
00:20:28His lips brushed my forehead.
00:20:29Light the way an older brother might.
00:20:31The way a person who had been disciplined about a feeling for a very long time might.
00:20:34When the door was finally cracked open.
00:20:36I have a meeting at 7.
00:20:37I'll be back at 9.
00:20:39Damien.
00:20:42Don't be late.
00:20:42He almost smiled.
00:20:44He left.
00:20:45The narcissist on the windowsill held their pale yellow in the blue light.
00:20:50Tuesday afternoon.
00:20:51Preston was arraigned.
00:20:52I did not watch the live stream.
00:20:54Garcia told me about it after the fact.
00:20:56Sitting in the chair by my bed with her tablet face down on her knee.
00:20:59She summarized in her efficient.
00:21:01Neutral voice.
00:21:02The same voice she used to read me the morning's flower deliveries.
00:21:05Preston had been processed through the federal courthouse in Lower Manhattan.
00:21:09The charges were read loud.
00:21:11Federal embezzlement and wire fraud.
00:21:13Knowingly dissaying a fellow team member's emergency equipment in a hazardous environment.
00:21:18And falsification of federal grant documentation.
00:21:31His bail had been set at $1 million.
00:21:34His attorney had argued he was not a flight risk.
00:21:37The prosecution had pointed to the Whitfield Foundation audit and to a passport that, on
00:21:42inspection, contained a sealed visa for a country with no extradition treaty.
00:21:47His bail was set at $1 million.
00:21:49His attorney argued he was not a flight risk.
00:21:52The prosecution pointed to the audit and to a passport with a visa for a country with no
00:21:56extradition treaty.
00:21:58Bail remained at $1 million.
00:22:00His passport was revoked.
00:22:02How did he look?
00:22:04Smaller.
00:22:06Smaller?
00:22:07At faculty fundraisers, he carried himself like a man waiting to be the smartest in any
00:22:11room.
00:22:12Today, he carried himself like a man waiting to be told what to do.
00:22:15She set the tablet on the bedside table.
00:22:17Mr. Crane wants me to tell you, Wednesday's ethics committee hearing has been moved to
00:22:2110 a.m.
00:22:22The university requested that you attend by video link.
00:22:25You may decline.
00:22:26I'll attend.
00:22:28Mr. Crane suspected you would.
00:22:32She rose.
00:22:33Is there anything else, Ms. Whitfield?
00:22:35One thing.
00:22:38Reagan.
00:22:39She has not been arraigned.
00:22:40The U.S. Attorney's Office is finalizing terms.
00:22:43She will testify against Preston and Dr. Reeves.
00:22:46She will not be testifying against you.
00:22:47She will likely receive limited immunity on the fraud charges.
00:22:50A deferred prosecution agreement, community service, and a permanent bar from federally funded
00:22:55research.
00:22:56She still has her social media.
00:22:58She still has her social media.
00:22:59The court cannot regulate that.
00:23:01That's fine.
00:23:03Let her have it.
00:23:05Mr. Crane will be displeased.
00:23:07Mr. Crane will live.
00:23:08Garcia paused.
00:23:10Halfway to the door.
00:23:11Garcia tilted her head a fraction.
00:23:13She almost laughed.
00:23:14She left.
00:23:14I lay back against the pillows and watched the narcissist tilt slowly toward the late afternoon sun.
00:23:19Wednesday morning, 10 a.m.
00:23:21Garcia rolled in a portable monitor on a tray and angled it toward the bed.
00:23:24The ethics committee at Preston's university convened on screen seven chairs around a heavy
00:23:28wood table in a panelled room I had been inside.
00:23:31Once, during my own thesis defense, when Reeves had introduced me as one of his students,
00:23:35Reeves was not at the table today.
00:23:37He had retired Friday morning.
00:23:39The chair of the committee, a tall woman in her 60s whose hair was twisted into a low
00:23:43knot, opened the proceedings.
00:23:45Mr. Marsh, do you have anything to say before we begin?
00:23:48Preston rose from his seat at the foot of the table.
00:23:50He had aged a decade and five days.
00:23:52The polished hair was unkempt.
00:23:54The pressed shirt was open at the collar without a tie.
00:23:57I do.
00:23:58His voice was flatter than I had ever heard it.
00:24:00Whatever the committee decides, I accept.
00:24:04I acknowledge the irregularities in the funding records of the Reckling expedition.
00:24:09I acknowledge the irregularities in the authorship history of the manuscripts under review.
00:24:15On the day of the avalanche, I did not handle the evacuation of my team as I should have.
00:24:20The chair did not soften.
00:24:21I accept the consequences of those choices.
00:24:24The committee has reviewed the audit, the field radio archive, the wire records, and the personal
00:24:29contribution log of Sloan Whitstown.
00:24:31The committee has also reviewed the statement obtained this morning under cooperation agreement
00:24:37from Riley Pope.
00:24:39Do you acknowledge that you transmitted a radio instruction to disable Sloan Whitstown's emergency
00:24:47locator heat?
00:24:48The room is very still.
00:24:51I do.
00:24:56At the time you transmitted that instruction, were you aware that Sloan Whitstown was injured?
00:25:00And at the edge of the camp perimeter?
00:25:06Mr. Marsh, the committee finds the following.
00:25:13You have engaged in academic misconduct of the most serious kind.
00:25:18Your conduct on the day of the avalanche endangered the life of a fellow expedition member.
00:25:24The body of work submitted under your sole authorship for the past four years contains substantial
00:25:30material taken from the unpublished work of Sloan Whitstown without consent or adibution.
00:25:39The committee recommends that your tenure be revoked, your doctoral supervision rights
00:25:44be terminated, and the five most recent publications under your name be retracted.
00:25:47You'd be permanently barred from holding any federally funded academic appointment.
00:25:51The Regulate Climate Proxies grant should be revoked and the funds returned.
00:25:55Do you wish to respond?
00:25:58Preston was silent for a long time.
00:26:00No.
00:26:01Then he sat back down.
00:26:07The chair rose.
00:26:08The committee rose with her.
00:26:10This hearing is adjourned.
00:26:11The screen went black.
00:26:17I sat for a moment in the dim hospital room.
00:26:20Garcia rolled the monitor away.
00:26:26It's done.
00:26:29It's done.
00:26:38He came on Thursday.
00:26:39Not by appointment.
00:26:41There's a man at security in the lobby asking to see you.
00:26:44He's same.
00:26:44He said his name was Preston Marsh.
00:26:47I had told Garcia.
00:26:48He said he doesn't expect you to say yes.
00:26:51Let him up.
00:26:52That I would receive him.
00:26:53I had thought about it carefully.
00:26:54I had thought about it the way Damien thought about a chain of evidence not for spite, not
00:26:58for forgiveness, but to close the circuit.
00:27:00I had spent seven years inside that circuit.
00:27:03I needed to walk out under my own power.
00:27:05Damien was in a meeting on the other side of town.
00:27:07I had not told him I had agreed to this.
00:27:09I had not told him I had not agreed to this either.
00:27:11The door opened.
00:27:12Preston stood in the doorway.
00:27:14He did not come in.
00:27:15He looked exactly as he had on the video feed except smaller, somehow, in person.
00:27:19The way Garcia had said.
00:27:20The charcoal suit replaced by jeans and a sweater that did not fit him quite right.
00:27:24The glass is askew.
00:27:33Sloane.
00:27:34Get up.
00:27:35I won't.
00:27:36I'm not asking.
00:27:37He stayed where he was.
00:27:39I came to apologize.
00:27:43He breathed in once.
00:27:44At once.
00:27:46I owe you an apology I cannot make in two pages.
00:27:50I wrote it badly.
00:27:53Every grant.
00:27:54Every piece of equipment.
00:27:56Every late night.
00:27:59I knew.
00:28:00I always knew.
00:28:02I told myself a story about it that let me sleep.
00:28:05And the night of the avalanche.
00:28:07I told Riley to turn off the beacon.
00:28:12I told myself the Whitfields would send a plane.
00:28:15I told myself.
00:28:18You would always have a way out.
00:28:20That's what I told myself.
00:28:23So leaving you in the snow had no consequence.
00:28:26I told myself.
00:28:33That's what I told myself.
00:28:35The room held it.
00:28:37I let it hold.
00:28:49Preston.
00:28:50He looked up.
00:28:51Get off the floor.
00:28:54I won't.
00:28:56You will.
00:28:58Because this is my room, in my hospital, in my city, and I'm telling you to.
00:29:03He got off the floor.
00:29:04He stood near the foot of my bed.
00:29:05Three things.
00:29:06Hands at his sides.
00:29:07Head still bowed.
00:29:08One.
00:29:08I am not retracting any of the charges.
00:29:12The federal case will proceed.
00:29:14Your career will not survive it.
00:29:16That is not negotiable.
00:29:19I haven't.
00:29:21Two.
00:29:22I will not be writing a victim impact statement that asks the court for leniency.
00:29:27I will be writing one that asks the court to apply the full weight of the statute.
00:29:32You are free to write your own.
00:29:34You are free to ask Dr. Rivals to write his own.
00:29:37Understood.
00:29:39Three.
00:29:41I looked at him for a long time.
00:29:44He had once been a man I would have crossed any distance to please.
00:29:47There had been a year, possibly two, when I had organized my entire life around the question of what Preston
00:29:52would think.
00:29:53I looked at him now and I felt nothing.
00:29:55Not contempt, not pity, not love, not even anger.
00:29:59A clean nothing.
00:30:00The way you might look at a coat you wore through college.
00:30:03Hanging in the back of a closet and feel surprised that you had ever fit into it.
00:30:11I do not accept it.
00:30:17Not because it isn't sincere.
00:30:20Today, it might be.
00:30:21I think it might be.
00:30:23What I have learned.
00:30:24In seven years of you, is that your sincerity is a renewable resource.
00:30:29It comes back every time the consequences arrive.
00:30:33It always sound the same.
00:30:35It always asks the same thing, which is for me to absorb the cost.
00:30:48For a moment I thought he might say something more, some version of the speech.
00:30:54Refine now to its purest form that he had been delivering to me in fragments for seven years.
00:30:59He didn't.
00:31:00He closed his eyes once.
00:31:01He opened them.
00:31:02I understand.
00:31:03He walked to the door.
00:31:04In the doorway, he paused.
00:31:06He did not look back.
00:31:07Sloan.
00:31:09Yes.
00:31:10Be happy.
00:31:14The door closed behind him.
00:31:15I sat alone in the hospital suite with the late afternoon light moving slowly across the floor.
00:31:19I waited to feel something.
00:31:21After a long time, I noticed what I felt was the absence of something.
00:31:24A weight I had been carrying since the year I was 22.
00:31:28For seven years, I carried that weight.
00:31:30I turned my life into a project just to be seen.
00:31:34I piled up my efforts as evidence.
00:31:37But I don't need to be seen by him anymore.
00:31:42When I had decided that the rest of my life was going to be a project of making one specific
00:31:47man see me, it was no longer there.
00:31:49I picked up my phone.
00:31:51I texted Damien.
00:31:52Come back when you can.
00:31:54He answered within 10 seconds.
00:31:56On my way.
00:31:58Damien did not knock.
00:31:59The door to my hospital suite opened 12 minutes after Preston walked out of it.
00:32:03And Damien stood in the doorway with snow still melting on his shoulders.
00:32:07He did not look at me first.
00:32:08He looked at the chair where Preston had been kneeling.
00:32:10He looked at the spot on the carpet where Preston's knees had pressed two indentations.
00:32:14He looked at the trace of Cologne.
00:32:16Preston's.
00:32:17Faint.
00:32:17Civilian still hanging in the air.
00:32:19He crossed the room in five strides.
00:32:22Did he touch you?
00:32:25Damien.
00:32:27Sloan.
00:32:29Did he touch you?
00:32:31No.
00:32:36His thumbs moved across my cheekbones, my temples, the line of my jaw checking, the way a person checks a
00:32:43child after they have fallen.
00:32:49I should not have left this morning.
00:32:51I asked Garcia to let him up.
00:32:56I know.
00:32:57She called me on the drive back.
00:32:59I broke three traffic laws.
00:33:01Damien.
00:33:02I would have broken 30.
00:33:10Look at me.
00:33:19I had not, in all the time I had known him, seen Damien Crane afraid of anything.
00:33:25Not his father.
00:33:26Not his mother.
00:33:27Not a boardroom.
00:33:28Not a press conference.
00:33:30Not the leverage held over him by half of Manhattan.
00:33:34He was afraid now.
00:33:36He was afraid that I had spent 12 minutes in a room with the man I had loved for seven
00:33:40years.
00:33:40And that 12 minutes was all it took for me to forgive him.
00:33:45I told him no.
00:33:48I know.
00:33:49I told him to leave.
00:33:53I know.
00:33:54I am not going back to him.
00:33:57He closed his eyes.
00:33:58He pressed his forehead to mine.
00:34:00He stayed there, breathing, for a long time.
00:34:09Sloan.
00:34:09Hmm.
00:34:11I am about to be very selfish.
00:34:14Be selfish.
00:34:17I do not want to leave this room again.
00:34:20Then don't.
00:34:23He did not.
00:34:34He did not sleep that night.
00:34:36The chair he pulled up to my bed was leather and too small.
00:34:40He folded himself into it anyway.
00:34:42He held my left hand inside both of his and watched the heart monitor as if it might lie if
00:34:47he looked away.
00:34:48Sometime around 3 a.m.
00:34:50I pretended to be asleep, just to see what he would do.
00:34:53He stood up.
00:34:54He walked to the window.
00:34:55He looked out at the East River for 10 minutes.
00:34:58He turned back.
00:34:59He stood at the foot of the bed and watched my chest rise and fall, counting, with the precision of
00:35:04a man who had once counted my pulse on a medevac.
00:35:07Then he came back to the chair.
00:35:09He leaned in.
00:35:10He pressed his lips, very lightly, to the inside of my wrist where the ivy line went in.
00:35:14He whispered into my skin.
00:35:31I am sorry I did not come sooner.
00:35:36When?
00:35:40You were awake.
00:35:42Sooner when, Damien?
00:35:49Eight years ago.
00:35:51When?
00:35:52The night you came home from grad school for the holiday.
00:35:55You laughed at something Preston said about a sample I had never heard of.
00:35:58I went home and painted 700 Nassaville on a wall.
00:36:03And decided I would wait.
00:36:06I should have come for you that night.
00:36:09Damien.
00:36:11I would have, if I had known how it would end.
00:36:14He looked at the signet on my fourth finger.
00:36:18I bought this a long time ago.
00:36:21This ring?
00:36:22This ring.
00:36:25For me?
00:36:26For the day I stopped waiting.
00:36:30I waited far longer than I should have.
00:36:32I am not waiting an hour longer than I have to.
00:36:36Damien.
00:36:37Hmm.
00:36:39What are you telling me?
00:36:41He met my eyes.
00:36:47I am telling you that the rest of my life starts at sunrise.
00:36:50When you walk out of this hospital, you walk into my house.
00:36:59And you do not walk out of it again unless I am holding the door.
00:37:06The next person who tries to take you from me will spend the rest of his life regretting it.
00:37:25Faster.
00:37:27Good.
00:37:36Discharge day.
00:37:37Damien did not let a nurse touch me.
00:37:39He sent the wheelchair away.
00:37:41He sent the orderly away.
00:37:42He scooped me out of the bed with one arm under my knees and one behind my shoulders and carried
00:37:47me.
00:37:47Slowly.
00:37:48The length of the corridor to the elevator.
00:37:50I had walked.
00:37:51By then.
00:37:52The length of that corridor on my own three times.
00:37:55I did not need to be carried.
00:37:56I did not object.
00:37:58The elevator opened in the underground garage.
00:38:01A black idled.
00:38:02He set me down only long enough to open the door.
00:38:05And then he lifted me again into the back seat as if the act of placing me there himself was
00:38:09something he could not delegate.
00:38:10Garcia.
00:38:11In the front passenger seat.
00:38:13Did not turn around.
00:38:14The pulled out.
00:38:15Damien did not let go of my hand on the drive uptown.
00:38:29I bought the building.
00:38:31Which building?
00:38:33My building.
00:38:34I own the penthouse.
00:38:35I bought the rest of it last month.
00:38:36All of it?
00:38:37All of it.
00:38:39Why?
00:38:41I did not want strangers across a wall from you.
00:38:46Damien.
00:38:51The other residents have been compensated above market.
00:38:54They had 90 days to relocate.
00:38:55The last unit cleared on Friday.
00:38:58The building is empty except for the staff I vetted.
00:39:01And the floor I am going to put your father on if he wants it.
00:39:04My father has a house.
00:39:06He has a house.
00:39:07He may also have the eighth floor.
00:39:10Damien.
00:39:11You are being excessive.
00:39:14I am told I am being excessive.
00:39:17He brought my hand to his mouth.
00:39:20Tell me to stop.
00:39:21I am not telling you to stop.
00:39:24I can't bear to.
00:39:27The pulled into the garage.
00:39:31He carried me into the elevator.
00:39:33The doors opened directly into his foyer.
00:39:36Into the wall of painted narcissus.
00:39:38And he set me down in front of it.
00:39:46Look.
00:39:47Look.
00:39:48I looked.
00:39:48A second wall.
00:39:50Opposite the first.
00:39:51Had been painted in my absence.
00:39:53Cores.
00:39:54The shapes of ice cores.
00:39:5637 of them.
00:39:57One for every site I had drilled in 7 years.
00:40:00Labeled in white paint in my own handwriting.
00:40:02Which had been copied.
00:40:03Line for line.
00:40:04From photographs of the field journal Reagan had stolen.
00:40:08I could not speak.
00:40:16I commissioned it in March.
00:40:18The artist worked from your notebooks.
00:40:20I had the originals returned from the federal evidence locker on a temporary basis.
00:40:24They are now back in the locker.
00:40:26Damien.
00:40:27The paintings are yours.
00:40:29Welcome home Sloane.
00:40:31The first week in his apartment.
00:40:33I learned how he had been loving me for a long time.
00:40:35I learned it in small pieces.
00:40:37The way a person learns the contents of a house they have moved into without a tour.
00:40:40A bookshelf in the library held every paper I had ever published even the undergraduate ones.
00:40:45Even the conference posters bound in matching cloth and arranged in chronological order.
00:40:50A drawer in the kitchen held my mother's recipe for soda bread.
00:40:53Hand copied from her handwriting onto a card he had laminated.
00:40:56A folder in his study.
00:40:57Kept in a drawer he did not lock.
00:40:59Contained years of photographs of me.
00:41:01Clipped from family Christmas cards and university newsletters.
00:41:05And the society pages.
00:41:06I found the folder.
00:41:07On the sixth day.
00:41:08I did not tell him I had found it.
00:41:10I sat on the floor of his study and turned through the photographs in order.
00:41:13And at the back of the folder I found a single envelope.
00:41:16Sealed.
00:41:17Addressed to me in his handwriting and dated a long time ago.
00:41:20I almost opened it.
00:41:21I did not.
00:41:22I left it where it was.
00:41:23That night at dinner.
00:41:24I asked him.
00:41:25The letter in the back of the folder?
00:41:27He set his fork down.
00:41:28He did not pretend to misunderstand.
00:41:30You found it.
00:41:32What is it?
00:41:34It is what I would have said to you that night if I had come for you instead of painting
00:41:37the wall.
00:41:38You kept it.
00:41:41I kept everything.
00:41:42Damien.
00:41:43I have kept the napkin you wrote your phone number on when you were 11.
00:41:46I have kept the wrapper of the chocolate you split with me at your sister's Christensen.
00:41:49I have kept the program of every recital your mother dragged us to.
00:41:52I have kept the cockscrew you used to open the wine at your graduation dinner.
00:41:55I have kept the boarding pass you gave me when you came back from Iceland the year you turned 23
00:42:00and asked if I would pick you up from JF because your boyfriend had forgotten.
00:42:05He met my eyes.
00:42:06I have kept all of it because I had to keep something.
00:42:08I set my fork down too.
00:42:10How many marriages did your mother arrange for you?
00:42:13Three.
00:42:15You refused all three?
00:42:17I refused all three.
00:42:19For me.
00:42:20Sloan.
00:42:22Everything I have ever refused I refused for you.
00:42:24His mother came on Tuesday.
00:42:27She had not.
00:42:27In the seven years I dated Preston, sent me so much as a holiday card.
00:42:31She came now with a bouquet of pale pink peonies and a smile that did not reach her eyes.
00:42:36And she sat across from me in Damien's living room with the careful posture of a woman conducting
00:42:41a negotiation she expected to win.
00:42:43Damien stood by the window.
00:42:45He did not sit.
00:42:46He did not greet his mother.
00:42:47Sloan and dear, I came to welcome you.
00:42:49Mrs. Crane.
00:42:50I imagine all of this has been very overwhelming.
00:42:52The hospital, the press, my son's enthusiasm.
00:42:54His enthusiasm.
00:42:56He has always been intense.
00:42:58Particularly about the things he has wanted for a long time.
00:43:01I wonder if you have considered, my dear, whether intensity about this stage in your recovery
00:43:05is perhaps what you need.
00:43:06By the window.
00:43:07Damien turned.
00:43:08He did not raise his voice.
00:43:10Mother.
00:43:11Damien.
00:43:11You have ten seconds to walk out of this apartment.
00:43:16Damien, I am only...
00:43:18Eight seconds.
00:43:19You will not speak to me.
00:43:22Six seconds.
00:43:23The peonies, untouched on the coffee table, trembled with the vibration of the elevator
00:43:28returning to the foyer.
00:43:29She rose.
00:43:30She gathered her coat.
00:43:31She looked at me with the same smile pulled tight across her face.
00:43:34My dear, when this novelty passes...
00:43:37Two seconds.
00:43:37She left the elevator doors closed.
00:43:39Damien did not move for a long moment.
00:43:42Then he crossed the room and knelt in front of the chair where I was sitting.
00:43:45He took both my hands.
00:43:47Sloane.
00:43:48Damien.
00:43:49My mother will not be in this apartment again.
00:43:51Damien, she's your mother.
00:43:52My mother spent a long time telling me I would forget you if I tried hard enough.
00:43:55She introduced me to fourteen women whose family's my last name.
00:43:58She told my father at one point that I was an embarrassment to the family for refusing to marry.
00:44:02She does not get to walk in here now and call you a novelty.
00:44:05There is no version of this where you are second to anyone, Sloane.
00:44:08Not my mother.
00:44:09Not the company.
00:44:10Not the past.
00:44:12He pressed my knuckles to his mouth.
00:44:14Not for the rest of my life.
00:44:17He visited Preston in prison on a Wednesday.
00:44:20I did not know he had gone until he came home and sat across from me at the kitchen island
00:44:24and poured himself a glass of whiskey and told me.
00:44:27I went to see Marsh today.
00:44:28Damien.
00:44:29I had to.
00:44:31Why?
00:44:33I wanted him to see my face.
00:44:35He turned the glass in his fingers.
00:44:37He has been telling himself since the hearing that what happened to him was the system.
00:44:42That the audit broke him.
00:44:43That the federal prosecutor broke him.
00:44:45That the press broke him.
00:44:47I wanted him to know it was a man.
00:44:49What did you say to him?
00:44:52I sat across a steel table from her 14 minutes.
00:44:54I didn't speak for the first 10.
00:44:56He waited.
00:44:56He was the one who broke.
00:44:57He asked me what I wanted.
00:44:59I told him I wanted him to understand exactly what he had done.
00:45:02That he had touched a woman I had loved for a long time.
00:45:05That he had taken seven years of her life and gambled them on a press release.
00:45:09That he had left her in the snow because he assumed her family would clean it up.
00:45:12I told him that the part he didn't understand and would now have years to understand was that there had
00:45:16never been a moment in all the time he had known her when she was unprotected.
00:45:19I told him that he was alive only because you had asked me not to make a different decision.
00:45:23He drank.
00:45:25He cried.
00:45:27Damien.
00:45:27I did not enjoy it.
00:45:29Did you not?
00:45:30He set down the glass.
00:45:32I enjoyed every second of it.
00:45:34I'm not going to pretend otherwise.
00:45:35I sat across from a man who had hurt you and I watched him understand.
00:45:38For the first time.
00:45:39That he had been a small animal stepping on the tail of a much larger one.
00:45:43He came around the island.
00:45:44He stopped in front of me.
00:45:45He cupped the back of my neck the way he had cupped my skull in the tent.
00:45:49That is what I am, Sloane.
00:45:51With respect to you.
00:45:53I am the much larger animal.
00:45:55I will be that animal for the rest of your life.
00:45:57For any person who looks at you sideways.
00:45:59I am not going to pretend to be a different one.
00:46:00Tell me you understand.
00:46:03I understand.
00:46:04He pressed his forehead to mine.
00:46:07Good.
00:46:08Reagan called the apartment on a Thursday.
00:46:11She had been told.
00:46:12By every lawyer involved.
00:46:13Not to.
00:46:14The no contact clause was in effect.
00:46:16She called anyway.
00:46:17Through the main line of Crane Industries.
00:46:19Asking to be put through to me by name.
00:46:21The receptionist forwarded the call to Garcia.
00:46:24Garcia forwarded it to Damien.
00:46:25Damien answered on speaker.
00:46:27In front of me.
00:46:28At the kitchen island.
00:46:30Miss Snow.
00:46:32Master Crane.
00:46:33I am calling because...
00:46:35You are calling because your book deal collapsed.
00:46:38Your father's foundation has been quietly delisted from three donor circles in the last six weeks.
00:46:43Your fiancé's family has rescinded the engagement.
00:46:45Your apartment lease is not being renewed.
00:46:47And you have correctly disduced that all of this is connected.
00:46:51Silence.
00:46:52It is connected.
00:46:53Mr. Crane.
00:46:54I would like you to listen to me very carefully, Miss Snow.
00:46:57The reason your life is currently coming apart is not because I am vindictive.
00:47:01I am perfectly capable of vindictiveness.
00:47:04I have not yet been vindictive with you.
00:47:06The reason your life is coming apart is because the woman whose career you tried to take.
00:47:10Whose data you stole.
00:47:11And whose recording I played in front of you in a tent at minus 31.
00:47:14Asked me three months ago to leave you alone.
00:47:16I have honored that request.
00:47:21I have, how however, not asked any other person who knows you did to honor it.
00:47:26It turns out there are a great number of those people.
00:47:28They are removing you on their own from the rooms they control.
00:47:32The book editor at the publishing house was a former student of Sloan's.
00:47:35The donor coordinator at your father's foundation served on a Whitfield panel four years ago.
00:47:38Your fiancé's mother has been on the board of the Whitfield Climate Initiative since 2011.
00:47:43They are not retaliating, Miss Snow.
00:47:45They are simply choosing.
00:47:46Mr. Crane, please.
00:47:48I am not the one you should be asking, Miss Snow.
00:47:51He ended the call.
00:47:52He set down the phone.
00:47:53He looked at me.
00:47:55She will call again.
00:47:56She will eventually call you.
00:47:58She might.
00:47:59I would like permission, when she does, to make a small adjustment to her circumstances.
00:48:04What adjustment?
00:48:04A federal investigation currently dormant into the source of the wire that funded her Arege-Grewet internship.
00:48:10Damien.
00:48:11I will only act if you tell me to.
00:48:13I looked at him for a long moment.
00:48:14I did not tell him to.
00:48:16I also did not tell him not to.
00:48:18He read my face.
00:48:19He nodded once.
00:48:20He poured me a cup of tea.
00:48:22The nights were the hardest.
00:48:23I had not, in seven years with Preston, slept poorly.
00:48:27I had slept on his couches and in his tents and across his shoulders on long flights.
00:48:32And I had slept the way a person who believed in the structure of her life slept.
00:48:36The structure was gone now.
00:48:37The nights showed it.
00:48:38I did not tell Damien.
00:48:40He noticed anyway.
00:48:41He noticed on the fourth night, when he came up to bring me a book I had asked for, and
00:48:45found me sitting on the couch by the south windows with the lights off.
00:48:49He set the book down.
00:48:50He sat next to me.
00:48:52He did not ask.
00:48:53He simply pulled me, carefully, against his shoulder, and we sat that way until the city lights began to thin
00:48:59toward dawn.
00:49:00On the fifth night, he came up at ten.
00:49:02On the sixth night, he came up at nine.
00:49:05On the seventh night, he stayed.
00:49:07He did not ask permission.
00:49:08He came up with a small leather bag and a book and the smallest, most contained smile I had ever
00:49:13seen on his face.
00:49:14And he said,
00:49:16Sloan, I am going to sleep in the second bedroom.
00:49:18The door will be open.
00:49:19If you need me, you say my name.
00:49:21You do not have to get up.
00:49:22You do not have to ring a bell.
00:49:24You say my name, and I will be in the room in under three seconds.
00:49:27Damien.
00:49:28I am not asking for anything.
00:49:33I know.
00:49:34I am telling you that for the rest of your life, if you say my name in the dark, I
00:49:38will be there in under three seconds.
00:49:40He kissed my forehead.
00:49:42He went into the second bedroom.
00:49:44He left the door open.
00:49:45I lay in my own bed for the first hour.
00:49:47I listened to the sounds of him in the next room, the small zipper of the leather bag, the click
00:49:51of a lamp, the soft rustle of a turned page.
00:49:54At 11.30, the page turning stopped.
00:49:56He had fallen asleep with the book on his chest.
00:49:59I got up.
00:50:00I crossed the hallway.
00:50:01I stood in the doorway of the second bedroom and watched him sleep a man in a charcoal pullover and
00:50:06reading glasses.
00:50:07In a guest bed in his own house, lit by a single lamp.
00:50:10He had been waiting a long time to sleep in the same hallway as me.
00:50:14I went back to my room.
00:50:15I left both doors open.
00:50:17I slept the whole night through.
00:50:18He gave me the cranes on a Sunday.
00:50:20I had told him, two weeks earlier, in the way a person tells a story that no longer matters.
00:50:26That as a child I had folded a wish into a paper crane and put it in a jar on
00:50:29my bedroom windowsill.
00:50:30The wish had been for my mother to get well.
00:50:32My mother had not gotten well.
00:50:34I had stopped folding cranes.
00:50:36He had said nothing at the time.
00:50:38He had simply nodded.
00:50:39He led me to the library that Sunday morning.
00:50:41He opened the double doors, the room three stories of bookshelves, a leather sofa.
00:50:46His piano against the back wall had been filled.
00:50:49Since I had last been in it the day before, with paper cranes, there were thousands of them.
00:50:53They hung from the ceiling on threads of clear nylon, in soft drifts, at different heights,
00:50:58in the pale yellow of winter narcissus.
00:51:00I stopped in the doorway.
00:51:02One thousand.
00:51:04Damien.
00:51:05One for every wish I have made for you since we were children.
00:51:08I kept count.
00:51:09He stepped into the room.
00:51:10He turned one of the cranes, gently, on its thread.
00:51:13I started after the year your mother died.
00:51:15I did not know what to do with the things I wanted for you.
00:51:17I started folding.
00:51:17I folded one a week for the first year, two a week for the next.
00:51:20Sometime around my undergrout years I lost track.
00:51:22I counted them last month.
00:51:24There were 947.
00:51:26I folded the last 53 in the apartment downstairs while you were upstairs sleeping.
00:51:31I crossed the room.
00:51:32I touched one of the cranes.
00:51:33The paper was thin and cool.
00:51:35The crease was perfect.
00:51:37I knew the fold.
00:51:38It was the same fold I had used at 9.
00:51:40He had been folding cranes for me, alone, in his apartment, for a long time.
00:51:46Damien.
00:51:46Hmm?
00:51:47What were the wishes?
00:51:48He looked at me.
00:51:49That you would grow up happy.
00:51:50That you would grow up loved.
00:51:52That you would grow up to do the work you wanted.
00:51:54That you would eventually be able to come home and rest.
00:51:58That you would eventually see me.
00:52:01That is the only wish I never finished folding.
00:52:04He reached up and unhooked a single crane from a thread above his head.
00:52:07He held it out to me.
00:52:08I would like you to fold the last one.
00:52:10I took the crane.
00:52:11It was a half fold.
00:52:12The paper waiting.
00:52:13The crease set.
00:52:14Damien.
00:52:15When you are ready.
00:52:18I am ready.
00:52:19I folded the last crane.
00:52:20The wish I folded inside it was that I had not taken so long to see him.
00:52:25I hung it on the empty thread.
00:52:26He held me.
00:52:27In the doorway of the library.
00:52:28For a long time.
00:52:32I kissed him that night.
00:52:34Not the careful kiss on the couch he had given me weeks ago.
00:52:37Not a kiss I was allowing him to give me.
00:52:39A kiss I gave him.
00:52:40I crossed the library after dinner.
00:52:42He was at the piano.
00:52:43Playing the eight notes my mother used to hum.
00:52:46He did not see me coming.
00:52:47I sat down next to him on the bench.
00:52:49I waited for him to finish the phrase.
00:52:51I tilted his face toward mine with two fingers under his chin.
00:52:54I kissed him.
00:52:55He went very still.
00:52:57For a heartbeat.
00:52:58He did not respond.
00:52:59Then he made a small sound not a word.
00:53:01Something quieter.
00:53:02A sound I had never heard him make in all the time I had known him and his hand came
00:53:06up to cut the back of my neck and the bench creaked because he had moved without thinking.
00:53:10He kissed me back the way a man kisses a person.
00:53:13He has been kissing in his head every night for a long time.
00:53:15When he pulled back.
00:53:16Both his hands were on my face.
00:53:18His breath was not steady.
00:53:20His eyes had gone very dark.
00:53:22Sloan.
00:53:23Damien.
00:53:24I would like to say something.
00:53:26Say it.
00:53:29I have loved you for a very long time.
00:53:31I have loved you across continents and three engagements I refused and seven years of a
00:53:35man who was not me.
00:53:36I have loved you while you cried about other men in my passenger seat.
00:53:38I have loved you while you wrote thank you notes addressed to him on stationery I paid
00:53:41for.
00:53:42I have loved you while you called me at midnight to ask which dress you should wear to his
00:53:45department dinner.
00:53:46I have loved you in every shape a man can love a woman and still hide it.
00:53:50I am not going to hide any of it from this minute forward.
00:53:55Damien.
00:53:56Hmm.
00:53:58I love you.
00:53:59His hands tightened on my face.
00:54:02Say it again.
00:54:03I love you.
00:54:05Again.
00:54:06I love you Damien.
00:54:07He pressed his forehead to mine.
00:54:09For a long moment he did not move.
00:54:11He simply breathed.
00:54:12Then he picked me up off the bench carefully with respect to the wound and walked me out
00:54:16of the library past the wall of Narcissus into the foyer.
00:54:20He did not put me down at the elevator.
00:54:22He carried me into the bedroom.
00:54:24He set me slowly on the edge of the bed.
00:54:26He knelt on the floor in front of me.
00:54:28He took both my hands.
00:54:30I am not going to do anything tonight that I will not still be doing the night I die.
00:54:33He looked up at me.
00:54:34But I would like tonight to ask you one thing.
00:54:37Marry me.
00:54:38The cranes in the library down the hall turned slowly on their threads in the draft from
00:54:43the open window.
00:54:45Yes.
00:54:48Damien yes.
00:54:49He did not let me go to Alaska alone.
00:54:51We had agreed weeks earlier that he would not come.
00:54:54He had said it himself in the kitchen that the right answer for my career was yes and
00:54:58the right answer for his heart was no and that he would not be the one who decided which
00:55:02side of the snow line I slept on.
00:55:04He had meant it.
00:55:05He had also the same night he meant it.
00:55:08Started building a contingency.
00:55:10I found out about the contingency on the morning of April 2nd.
00:55:13He came into the breakfast room with a folder under his arm and set it down next to my coffee.
00:55:17Sloney.
00:55:20Crane Industries has launched a polar research division.
00:55:25When?
00:55:28Last week.
00:55:30Damien.
00:55:30The division is headquarters out of Anchorage.
00:55:33It is funding three independent scientific teams across the Rongel and St. Elias ranges.
00:55:38The director of the division is a 58-year-old former Nenoway scientist whose hire I personally
00:55:43approved at 3 a.m. on a Sunday.
00:55:45The director reports to a vice president of strategic operations.
00:55:48Damien.
00:55:48The vice president of strategic operations will be working out of a forward base camp in the
00:55:52Ringlish range from April 15th through the close of the field season.
00:55:55Damien.
00:55:56The vice president of strategic operations, me.
00:55:59I close the folder.
00:56:00You are not coming with me to the field as my boyfriend.
00:56:02I am not coming with you to the field as your boyfriend.
00:56:05You are coming with me to the field as the vice president of a polar research resension
00:56:09you invented in the last three weeks.
00:56:12With cover that will hold up to any audit.
00:56:15Damien.
00:56:16I will sleep in a separate module.
00:56:18I will not interfere with your team.
00:56:19I will not be on your radio frequency.
00:56:21I will, however, be 300 yards away every night you are in the field.
00:56:25You did not have to do this.
00:56:26I had to do this.
00:56:29Why?
00:56:30He sat down across from me.
00:56:31He took my left hand.
00:56:33He looked at the signet ring he had slid onto it the night of the surgery and never asked back.
00:56:37Because the last time you went to that mountain without me, you came home with a hole in your chest.
00:56:42I am not living through that twice.
00:56:44I can take care of myself.
00:56:45I know you can.
00:56:47I am asking, please, for the rest of my life to never have to find out again.
00:56:52I looked at him for a long moment.
00:56:53I had spent seven years asking a man to follow me to airports.
00:56:56I now had a man who would follow me to ice.
00:56:59All right.
00:57:00He brought my hand to his mouth.
00:57:04We landed in Anchorage on April 15th.
00:57:07He had flown commercial, three days ahead of me, to maintain the cover.
00:57:11He met me at the airport in a Crane Industries parka with a name tag that said D.
00:57:15Crane, VP Strategic Ops and a face so neutral that even I almost believed it.
00:57:20He shook my hand at the gate.
00:57:21He did not kiss me.
00:57:23He carried my carry-on to the SUV.
00:57:25In the SUV, with the doors closed and the windows tinted,
00:57:28he took my face in both hands and kissed me as if he had not seen me in a year.
00:57:32Three days was too long.
00:57:35Damien.
00:57:35I am revising the cover.
00:57:38I will be sleeping in your module.
00:57:39That defeats the cover.
00:57:42I do not care.
00:57:44Damien.
00:57:45Three days, Sloan.
00:57:46He kissed me again.
00:57:47The cover, for the record, held.
00:57:50The cold weather medic worked it out the first night.
00:57:52Finn worked it out the second.
00:57:54Briggs, who had transported me out of the equipment crate at Wrangell in February,
00:57:58worked it out before we even landed.
00:58:00Nobody said anything.
00:58:02Nobody had to.
00:58:03Damien did not hide that he watched me work.
00:58:05Damien did not hide that he ate every meal next to me.
00:58:08Damien did not hide that when I came back from the day's transects with snow in my hair.
00:58:12He met me at the door of the heated module with a towel he had warmed by the stove.
00:58:16The team, by week two, simply absorbed him.
00:58:19Finn said it best, late one night in the operations module,
00:58:22after Damien had stepped out to take a call.
00:58:24Sloan.
00:58:25Hmm?
00:58:25I have seen a lot of men love a lot of women.
00:58:28I have never seen one love a woman like that.
00:58:31Like what?
00:58:32Like you are the only currency he has ever wanted.
00:58:35I did not have an answer for that.
00:58:37Finn went back to his clipboard.
00:58:38Damien came back in.
00:58:40He sat down next to me.
00:58:41He set a fresh cup of tea at my elbow without asking.
00:58:44He glanced at the medical chart on my clipboard,
00:58:46frowned slightly at one number on it,
00:58:48and said,
00:58:48Pulse is up.
00:58:50I just walked in from the field.
00:58:51That is not field walk pulse.
00:58:54Damien.
00:58:54I would like the medic to look at you tonight.
00:58:56The medic looked at me that night.
00:58:58The pulse was,
00:58:59as it turned out,
00:59:00fine.
00:59:01Damien did not apologize for asking.
00:59:03In the third week,
00:59:04I learned about the foundations.
00:59:06I learned about them by accident.
00:59:08The way I had learned about the wall of Narcissus,
00:59:10and the box of cranes,
00:59:11and the bound copies of every paper I had ever published.
00:59:14He did not volunteer.
00:59:16The information,
00:59:17I found it by following a thread.
00:59:19The thread was a small thank you note from a graduate student in Cape Town
00:59:22that arrived at base camp by satellite mail.
00:59:24The student had received a stipend from the Polar Atlas Foundation to attend a conference
00:59:29where I had given a keynote four years earlier.
00:59:31The note was effusive.
00:59:32It thanked me for the body of work and the foundation for the stipend.
00:59:36I had never heard of the Polar Atlas Foundation.
00:59:38I looked it up.
00:59:39Polar Atlas Foundation had given approximately $800,000 over the past nine years in small
00:59:45individual stipends to graduate students in glaciology, climate science, and polar geophysics.
00:59:51The recipient list was a precise map of every young researcher whose work had any tangential
00:59:55connection to mine.
00:59:57The foundation's board was three people.
00:59:59None of them I had heard of.
01:00:00I traced the LLC behind the foundation through three jurisdictions.
01:00:03It was Damien's.
01:00:05I traced four other foundations through the same pattern, Northern Light Trust, Ice and
01:00:09Salt Initiative, the 1,962 Foundation, named, I realized, for the year of the lock at the
01:00:17Lake House, the Whitfield Adjacent Fellowship.
01:00:20Together, they had quietly dispersed about $11 million to young scientists in fields adjacent
01:00:25to mine.
01:00:26I confronted him about it that night in our module.
01:00:29He did not deny it.
01:00:30Damien.
01:00:31I funded your students.
01:00:35I do not have students.
01:00:36You will.
01:00:38I funded the field you were going to lead.
01:00:44Damien.
01:00:45He took my hand.
01:00:46I have been preparing the ground, Sloan, for a long time.
01:00:49I built the foundation network the same way I built the apartment and the wall.
01:00:53Not for you to notice.
01:00:54For you to land in, when you are ready.
01:00:56When you announce your own laboratory next year and you will, every promising postdoc in
01:01:00the discipline will already have a personal reason to apply to you.
01:01:02I did not stack the dare because I did not trust you to win without it.
01:01:05I stacked it because I would rather you not have to fight for what should have been handed
01:01:08to you seven years ago.
01:01:09Damien.
01:01:10Yes?
01:01:11There is no part of my life you have not been holding up from underneath.
01:01:15There is no part of you, Sloan.
01:01:17I am not willing to hold up from underneath.
01:01:19In the fourth week, he showed me Reagan's file.
01:01:21He had not brought it up since we landed.
01:01:23He brought it up only because, that morning, an emergency message had come through the satellite
01:01:28system.
01:01:29A tabloid in New York had published a photograph of me being carried, by Damien, off the medevac
01:01:34in February.
01:01:35The photograph had been bought from a freelancer who had snuck onto the helipad.
01:01:39The caption beneath the photo was a quote attributed, anonymously, to a close friend of Reagan Snow,
01:01:45suggesting that I had been romantically pursuing Damien Crane during my seven-year relationship
01:01:49with Preston.
01:01:50Damien read it to me at breakfast.
01:01:52He did not raise his voice.
01:01:54He set down the satellite tablet.
01:01:56He picked up his coffee.
01:01:57He took a slow sip.
01:02:20He looked at me.
01:02:22I would like to release the recording.
01:02:24The full one.
01:02:25The recording Reagan's midnight phone call from the Wrangell command tent had been used
01:02:29in the ethics hearing, and in Preston's case.
01:02:31But the full audio had never been made public.
01:02:34The two-minute clip the press had covered had only contained the part about the journal.
01:02:37The remaining 90 seconds contained the part where she had called me stupid for thinking
01:02:41money could buy a man.
01:02:42The part where she had described, in detail, the strategy of waiting for me to humiliate
01:02:48myself into walking away.
01:02:49The part where she had laughed.
01:02:51Release it.
01:02:52He did not blink.
01:02:53All of it?
01:02:55All of it.
01:02:56To the same outlet that ran the tabloid quote?
01:02:58To the same outlet.
01:02:59He took out his satellite phone.
01:03:01He made one call.
01:03:03The call lasted four minutes.
01:03:04By dinner, the recording was up.
01:03:06By midnight, it had been picked up by every major outlet that had covered the original
01:03:10audit.
01:03:11By the next morning, the tabloid that had run the quote had retracted it.
01:03:15By the end of the week, the publishing house that had originally pulled Reagan's book
01:03:18deal had publicly announced that it had also voided her advance contract for any future
01:03:22work.
01:03:23Reagan's snow did not surface in public again.
01:03:26Damien did not say anything about it.
01:03:28He did not have to.
01:03:29He had told me, weeks ago, that there had never been a moment in our entire acquaintance when
01:03:34I was unprotected.
01:03:35I was beginning, finally, to understand exactly what that had meant.
01:03:39I drilled Whitfield 1 the same day the recording went live.
01:03:42We had not planned the timing.
01:03:44The team had simply gotten to the site in the rotation, and the weather had cooperated,
01:03:48and Briggs had said, that morning, today is your day.
01:03:51Damien insisted on coming.
01:03:53He had not pressed to be on any other field site with me.
01:03:56He had stayed within his cover.
01:03:57He had let me work without his shadow on my shoulder.
01:04:00On the morning of Whitfield 1, he did not ask permission.
01:04:03He came.
01:04:04He carried the equipment up the ridge himself, even though Briggs had two team members ready
01:04:08to do it.
01:04:09He stood 10 feet away while I drilled.
01:04:11He did not speak.
01:04:12I drilled.
01:04:13I logged the call.
01:04:14I labeled it.
01:04:15I stood up.
01:04:15I turned to look at him.
01:04:17He was watching me the way he had watched me come off the medevac at Teterboro a year
01:04:20before, not breathing, not blinking, counting, with his thumb pressed unconsciously to the
01:04:26inside of his own wrist, where he had once pressed it to mine.
01:04:29Damien.
01:04:31Hmm?
01:04:32I am alright.
01:04:33I know.
01:04:36This is the spot.
01:04:38I know.
01:04:40This is where I called you.
01:04:41This is where you called me.
01:04:42He took a step closer.
01:04:44He looked down at the snow.
01:04:45He looked at the small rise where the equipment crate had been.
01:04:47He looked at the lee of the outcrop where the walls had moved through.
01:04:50Then he knelt.
01:04:51He did not cry.
01:04:52He pressed his palm flat to the snow.
01:04:53The way a person might press a palm to a grave.
01:04:56He stayed there for a long moment.
01:04:57When he stood, his glove was wet through.
01:05:00He took my hand.
01:05:01I would like to ask you something.
01:05:02Ask.
01:05:03I would like to ask you to come back to this spot every year with me on the anniversary
01:05:07for the rest of our lives.
01:05:08Not because it was the worst day.
01:05:10Because it was the day you called me.
01:05:12That is the day I want to keep.
01:05:13I closed my hand around his.
01:05:15Every year.
01:05:17Every year.
01:05:18Alright.
01:05:19Briggs, 20 feet away, very politely, turned his back to give us privacy.
01:05:23We stayed at Whitfield 1 for 10 more minutes.
01:05:25When we walked back down the ridge, Damien did not let go of my hand.
01:05:29Briggs did not say anything about that, either.
01:05:31We came home on May 28th.
01:05:34He had said, the night before we landed, that he wanted to be the one who drove me back from
01:05:38the airport.
01:05:39He had said it the way he said most things now calmly.
01:05:41With the assumption that I would not object.
01:05:43I did not object.
01:05:45He drove me back from Teterboro at 6am, on a Tuesday in late spring.
01:05:49The apartment, when we walked into the foyer, had changed.
01:05:53The wall of cause the one he had commissioned for me in March was the same.
01:05:56The wall of Narcissus, opposite, was the same.
01:05:59The piano was the same.
01:06:00The library, three rooms down, was the same.
01:06:03The bedroom had changed.
01:06:05He had moved his things in.
01:06:06His shoes by the door.
01:06:07His charcoal pullover folded over the back of the reading chair.
01:06:10His book on the bedside table on what had become, in the last two months, his side.
01:06:15Sloan.
01:06:17Damien.
01:06:18I am not asking permission.
01:06:19I am not asking you to.
01:06:21He smiled.
01:06:21It was the first full, unmanaged smile I had ever seen on his face.
01:06:25He set my carry-on down by the door.
01:06:27He picked me up.
01:06:28I have had a small panic, every day, for six weeks, that you would change your mind on
01:06:33the plane.
01:06:33I did not change my mind.
01:06:34I know that now.
01:06:36Damien.
01:06:37Hmm.
01:06:37Put me down.
01:06:38No.
01:06:38I can walk.
01:06:40I know.
01:06:41He carried me through the foyer, past the wall of cause, into the bedroom.
01:06:44He set me, very carefully, on the edge of the bed.
01:06:47He knelt in front of me.
01:06:49He took both my hands.
01:06:50He looked up at me for a long moment.
01:06:52I would like to ask you the question I told you I was going to ask you in the winter.
01:06:56Damien.
01:06:57It is May.
01:06:58I cannot wait until the winter.
01:07:00It's May.
01:07:01Sloan.
01:07:02He reached into his pocket.
01:07:03He took out a small velvet box.
01:07:05He did not place it on the piano this time.
01:07:07He opened it.
01:07:08Inside, on a small bed of pale cream silk, was a ring.
01:07:12It was not the kind of ring I would have expected.
01:07:15Not from him.
01:07:15Not from a man who could have walked into any jeweler in Manhattan and chosen any stone in
01:07:20the city.
01:07:20It was a small, deliberate band of brushed gold.
01:07:23Set into it.
01:07:24Almost flush.
01:07:25Was a single pale yellow sapphire.
01:07:27The color of winter narcissus.
01:07:29I knew the stone.
01:07:30I knew the stone.
01:07:31Because it had been in my mother's locket.
01:07:33The locket she had worn the day she died.
01:07:35The locket my father had been keeping in a velvet bag in a drawer in his desk for 18 years.
01:07:41I asked your father six months ago.
01:07:44Damien.
01:07:45He gave it to me with both hands.
01:07:48Damien.
01:07:49Sloanie Whitfield.
01:07:50Damien.
01:07:51I will say it twice if I have to.
01:07:54Say it.
01:07:56I have loved you for a very long time.
01:07:59I built a life with one room in it.
01:08:01The room had no furniture and no light and one chair facing the door.
01:08:05I sat in the chair year after year.
01:08:06I sat in it through three engagements I refused.
01:08:09I sat in it through your seven years with another man.
01:08:12I sat in it through the night your mother died and the night you graduated and the night I painted
01:08:16the wall.
01:08:18I sat in it on the afternoon you called me from a mountain in Alaska.
01:08:21I have not been in that room since the day I picked you up off the floor of that tent.
01:08:25The room is gone now, Sloane.
01:08:27The whole house is yours.
01:08:29Marry me.
01:08:30I had thought, for months, that when this moment came, I would say something simple.
01:08:35I had thought I would say yes.
01:08:37I had thought I would say yes because the word was small and complete, and did not need any of
01:08:41the surrounding architecture.
01:08:43Instead I sat on the edge of his bed, in his apartment, in front of the wall of cores he
01:08:47had commissioned for me, holding my mother's yellow sapphire on its brushed gold band.
01:08:51And I started to cry.
01:08:53I had not cried since the helicopter.
01:08:55I cried now, he did not move.
01:08:57He did not say a word.
01:08:58He let me cry.
01:08:59After a long time, I said it.
01:09:03Yes.
01:09:03He closed his eyes once he opened them.
01:09:05Say it again.
01:09:07Yes.
01:09:09Again?
01:09:11Yes, Damien, yes.
01:09:13He slid the ring onto my fourth finger, above the signet he had given me in the hospital.
01:09:18The brushed gold was warm.
01:09:19The yellow sapphire caught the morning light coming in off the east river.
01:09:22He stayed kneeling.
01:09:24He pressed his forehead to my knees.
01:09:25I bent forward.
01:09:26I rested my forehead against the crown of his head.
01:09:29We stayed like that, in the bedroom in his apartment, for a long time.
01:09:33After a while, he stood up.
01:09:34He picked me up off the edge of the bed.
01:09:36He did not, this time, set me down anywhere.
01:09:39He carried me to the south windows.
01:09:41He stood there, holding me, looking out at the city.
01:09:45Mrs. Crane.
01:09:47Damien.
01:09:48I am rehearsing.
01:09:49Rehearse it once more.
01:09:52Mrs. Crane.
01:09:54Yes, Damien.
01:09:55He smiled into my hair.
01:09:56He did not put me down for the rest of the morning.
01:09:59We were married in November.
01:10:00He gave me.
01:10:01In the months between, the kind of wedding that a man who has been planning a wedding in
01:10:05his head for a long time gives a woman who has been allowing herself to imagine one for
01:10:09ten weeks.
01:10:10Which is to say, a small wedding.
01:10:12I had thought he would want a large one.
01:10:14He could have filled every cathedral in Manhattan.
01:10:16He did not.
01:10:17He picked the lake house.
01:10:18He picked a Saturday in late November, when the first snow was due.
01:10:21He picked the porch.
01:10:23He invited my father, three of his cousins, Garcia, Briggs, Finn, my two graduate cohort
01:10:29co-investigators, the cold weather medic, the surgeon who had patched my lung, and the
01:10:33National Science Foundation chair.
01:10:35That was the entire guest list.
01:10:37His mother was not invited.
01:10:38She wrote him a letter the week before the wedding.
01:10:40He returned it unopened.
01:10:42He did not tell me he had returned it.
01:10:44Garcia mentioned it, in passing, on the morning of the wedding.
01:10:47The way she mentioned most logistical details.
01:10:49I asked him about it that afternoon, in the bedroom, while I was getting dressed.
01:10:54He buttoned his cuff.
01:10:55He did not look up.
01:10:56Damien.
01:10:57She asked, two months ago, if she could attend.
01:11:01And?
01:11:03I told her she would be welcome the day she apologized to you.
01:11:06She did not.
01:11:07She did not.
01:11:09Damien.
01:11:11Sloan.
01:11:13She is your mother.
01:11:14She had thirty years to be my mother.
01:11:16She used that time to try to take you from me.
01:11:18I am not paying her interest on a debt she did not service.
01:11:21He buttoned the second cuff.
01:11:22When she is ready to apologize to you, she may come to dinner.
01:11:26Until then, she may live with what she chose.
01:11:28I crossed the room.
01:11:29I straightened his tie, slowly, with both hands.
01:11:32Damien.
01:11:33Hmm.
01:11:34I love you.
01:11:35He caught my hands at his collar.
01:11:37He kissed both wrists, one after the other.
01:11:39Mrs. Crane.
01:11:40Not yet.
01:11:41In forty-three minutes.
01:11:43Forty-three.
01:11:43I have been counting since six a.m.
01:11:45He kissed me on the forehead.
01:11:47He turned me toward the door.
01:11:48Your father is waiting downstairs.
01:11:50All right.
01:11:51Sloan.
01:11:51Hmm?
01:11:52Walk slowly.
01:11:53Why?
01:11:53Because the next time you walk through a door toward me, you are mine.
01:11:56I would like to remember every second of it.
01:11:58He cried at the ceremony.
01:11:59I had not expected him to.
01:12:00I had not thought it possible.
01:12:02He had been, for the entirety of the time I had known him,
01:12:05a man who had not visibly cried at a funeral,
01:12:08a wedding, a court ruling, or a press conference.
01:12:11He had stood at his father's gravesite and not shed a tear.
01:12:14He cried on the porch of the lake house on a Saturday in November
01:12:17when he saw me come around the corner of the house in my mother's dress.
01:12:20My father saw it first.
01:12:22He squeezed my elbow.
01:12:23Look at him.
01:12:25I looked.
01:12:25Damien was standing at the end of the porch in front of the open front door.
01:12:29The brass lock, the lock that had held since the house was built was just behind him.
01:12:33His hands were clasped in front of him.
01:12:35His eyes were closed.
01:12:37Tears were moving.
01:12:38Slowly, down his cheeks.
01:12:39He did not wipe them.
01:12:41He opened his eyes when I was three steps away.
01:12:43He smiled.
01:12:44It was the smile of a man who had been waiting a long time to use it.
01:12:47My father set my hand into his.
01:12:51Damien.
01:12:52Sir.
01:12:53She is yours.
01:12:54Sir.
01:12:55She always was.
01:12:56Dad smiled.
01:12:58He took his seat in the front row.
01:12:59The officiant.
01:13:00A friend of the family.
01:13:01Who had married my parents in the same spot long ago said a few words.
01:13:05He spoke about commitment.
01:13:06He spoke about the longevity of love that has been quietly held.
01:13:10He spoke.
01:13:10Briefly.
01:13:11About my mother.
01:13:12Who had taught him to make soda bread when he was a young man.
01:13:15Then he said.
01:13:16Damien.
01:13:17Your vows.
01:13:18Damien took both my hands.
01:13:20Sloan Whitfield.
01:13:21Damien Crane.
01:13:21I have loved you for a very long time.
01:13:23I kept a small notebook.
01:13:25The notebook had in it everything I learned about you that nobody else knew.
01:13:28The way you held your fork.
01:13:29The way you closed a door so it did not click.
01:13:31The way you ate the corners of a sandwich first.
01:13:34The way you bit your thumb before you took an exam.
01:13:36I do not need the notebook anymore.
01:13:37The porch was very quiet.
01:13:39He went on.
01:13:39I am keeping it for our daughter.
01:13:41I vow to love you with the precision and the patience of a man who has practiced.
01:13:45I vow to defend you the way I have always defended you.
01:13:48Which is publicly.
01:13:49Immediately.
01:13:49And without negotiation.
01:13:50I vow to bring you tea every morning and to play the piano for you every night.
01:13:54I vow to come home for dinner.
01:13:55Every night.
01:13:56For the rest of my life.
01:13:57I vow to never under any circumstances let you walk out of a room without telling you
01:14:01first that I love you.
01:14:02That is what I have for you Sloan.
01:14:04The rest is yours to ask for.
01:14:05I said my vows.
01:14:06I do not remember them.
01:14:07I remember only that when the officiant said you may kiss the bride.
01:14:10Damien did not move quickly.
01:14:12He moved very slowly.
01:14:14He cupped my face the way he had cupped it the day he came up off the floor of the
01:14:17tent in
01:14:17Ringlaw.
01:14:18He kissed me.
01:14:19The first snow began.
01:14:20On cue.
01:14:21Behind him.
01:14:22We did not have a reception.
01:14:24We had dinner.
01:14:25Twelve of us.
01:14:26Around a long wooden table in the dining room of the lake house.
01:14:29With two of my cousins and my father and Garcia and Briggs and Finn and the medic and the
01:14:33surgeon and the National Science Foundation chair.
01:14:36Who had brought his wife.
01:14:37The food was simple.
01:14:38The wine was old.
01:14:39The conversation moved.
01:14:41The way conversations at lake houses move.
01:14:43In slow loops that did not need anywhere to go.
01:14:45After dinner, Damien played the piano.
01:14:48He played the eight notes my mother used to hum.
01:14:50He played the second eight notes he had written for me alone in his apartment while I had been
01:14:54in Alaska drilling Whitfield 1.
01:14:56He played a third set of eight notes I had never heard.
01:14:59He stopped after the third set.
01:15:01He turned to me.
01:15:02That one I wrote this morning.
01:15:03When this morning?
01:15:054am.
01:15:07Damien.
01:15:08I will write you a new eight notes every morning of our marriage.
01:15:12Damien.
01:15:14I have already started counting.
01:15:15Around midnight, the guests went to bed in the guest rooms upstairs.
01:15:19Damien took my hand.
01:15:20He led me out the front door, onto the porch, and down the gravel drive to the boathouse
01:15:24at the edge of the lake.
01:15:25The boathouse was lit with a single lamp.
01:15:27He had had it cleaned.
01:15:29He had had a single chair placed inside it, by the window facing the water.
01:15:33He had hung and I almost laughed when I saw it every single one of the thousand cranes
01:15:37from the apartment library.
01:15:38They hung from the ceiling of the boathouse in soft drifts of pale yellow, and the lamp
01:15:43lit them from below.
01:15:44He stood with me in the doorway.
01:15:46Sloan.
01:15:47Damien.
01:15:48This is the last thing.
01:15:49The last thing.
01:15:50Every other thing I have done over all this time I have done quietly.
01:15:52I have folded a rain.
01:15:53I have painted a wall.
01:15:54I have learned a piece of music.
01:15:55I have bought a building.
01:15:56I have built a foundation network.
01:15:57I have refused a marriage.
01:15:59I did all of it quietly because you were not yet mine.
01:16:01This is the last thing I do quietly.
01:16:03He turned me to face him.
01:16:04From tomorrow, I do everything loudly.
01:16:06I bring you flowers in front of every restaurant.
01:16:08I hold your hand at every board meeting.
01:16:09I introduce you, at every event in this city, as my wife, for the rest of my life.
01:16:13Tell me you understand.
01:16:15I understand.
01:16:17Sloan.
01:16:18Welcome home.
01:16:19He cupped my face in both hands.
01:16:21He kissed me slowly.
01:16:23The way he had kissed me on the porch.
01:16:25And behind him, the thousand cranes turned slowly in the draft.
01:16:28I had spent seven years thinking my life was a story about being seen by the wrong man.
01:16:33It had been, all along, a story about being held up from underneath by the right one.
01:16:37The right one was holding me, now, in a boathouse at the edge of a lake at midnight in November,
01:16:42in front of one thousand paper wishes he had folded for me before he was thirty years old.
01:16:47The wish I had folded into the last crane, months ago, had been that I had not taken so
01:16:52long to see him.
01:16:53The wish I made now, standing in the doorway, was that I would have a lifetime wall.
01:16:57The end.
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