00:13Hello everyone and welcome to totally funny animals. I'm your host Andy Woodhull. You can
00:19think of me as your video zookeeper taking you on a tour of the funniest animals on the planet
00:23and the best part unlike a regular zoo you don't have to watch where you step all our
00:29animals are definitely toilet trained not only have we gathered an abundance of funny animal
00:36videos but we have also selected a few extra special clips that will be considered for our
00:41golden paw award now let's see if you can predict which of our nominees will take home the big prize
00:46so let's get the safari started stay close together follow me and just for fun watch
00:52your step anyway there are a few problem audience members
01:03do we wants to be the first feline astronaut a castronaut the perfect family vacation photo this
01:14is going to make everyone back home green with envy and then they were photo bombed the seagull wanted
01:23to commemorate the moment too her cheers can really get the crowd riled up extremely riled
01:38I'm cat man hey no pictures I'm out with my kid for a swim show some respect or I'll bite
01:47you in
01:52half I'm amazed how brave dogs can be my dog is ready to throw down anytime anyone walks anywhere near
01:59my
01:59house but the minute there's a thunderstorm that same dog is in my arms and trying to crawl under
02:05my shirt for safety a particularly brave dog happens to be our first golden paw nominee
02:17that shark is awfully close to the shore and that has goldie leaping into action
02:24I wonder who will win jaws or paws I'm gonna get the fish I'm gonna get the fish whoa too
02:33many teeth on
02:39that fish when it comes to squirrels people generally fall into one of two categories they either think
02:46they're adorable fluffy little creatures that frolic and play in the yard or they consider them nothing
02:52more than disease spreading rats with bushy tails raiding bird feeders and destroying gardens and when
02:59people in that second category get pushed too far they become the squirrel hunter
03:09okay so Mike has become obsessed with squirrels in our planters so he stuck all these pointy sticks in them
03:19so what I've done is taking a stuffed squirrel and impaled it on where it sticks and now I'm taking
03:27blackberry jam and just pouring it on there like it's blood
03:36and then we'll see what he does with that
03:45looks like someone is being taught a lesson the results of his actions are finally sinking in
03:53I didn't think that would happen
03:58it's all on you
03:59I do believe his conscience is yelling at him
04:03I'm pulling those a lot of them before that happens again
04:05come on let him off the hook
04:07ah
04:09oh you did that
04:10god
04:12what is that
04:13um
04:16blackberry jam
04:27some animals are easy to read
04:29like when a dog looks at you he either wants a treat to play ball or go for a walk
04:34and when a cat looks at you he is secretly plotting the many ways he could kill you in your
04:39sleep
04:40that's my theory anyway
04:42it would be nice to know exactly what the animals are really thinking
04:50and I'll be taking that
04:54I have your radio what are you gonna do about it
05:00breaker one nine you got banana lover with his ears on
05:06looking for a primate to escape with
05:13okay
05:14stop messing with my mane and let's make with the cookie
05:18that's a good trainer
05:20you like the cookie?
05:21oh yeah
05:22big fan
05:24you are so funny
05:25I do impressions too
05:27for another cookie I'll do my Christopher Walken's horse
05:31get back in your own section you
05:34cats only pal
05:36go
05:38go
05:40listen up it's a fact
05:42the best tasting fish are at the bottom
05:45come to papa
05:47gotcha
05:48yeah
05:49then why do they call it a dog paddle?
05:52I look like a dog to you?
05:53I'd like to see a dog swim this gracefully
06:01don't go anywhere because coming up we've got plenty of smiles and hungry fish
06:06plus two more of our golden paw nominees when totally funny animals continues
06:19grab a little snack and feel free to over indulge because totally funny animals has returned
06:30you know what bothers me? we still measure the height of a horse in hands
06:35yeah that's what's been bothering me the most
06:38horse measuring units
06:42but if you've ever fallen off of a horse
06:44you know it doesn't matter if you count in hands, feet, fingers, or toes
06:48that's a long way to the ground
06:50and a long way to get back in the saddle
06:59there's a reason freestyle horse mounting never caught on as a sport
07:05her technique is only matched by her grace
07:11hey, why the long face?
07:13dude, that's offensive
07:17I don't think he likes that joke
07:18I told it to him yesterday too and he left me
07:21that pony's on a break
07:28Paco was a great steed
07:30a little horse for a little man
07:32their hairstyles were even a little similar
07:34it was almost a perfect match
07:37almost
07:42my house camera just went off like somebody was in here
07:46well it's six o'clock and that can only mean one thing
07:50what are y'all doing?
07:52watching TV
07:53his favorite show's on
07:54are you serious?
07:57what's the point of living on the wide open range
07:59if you're gonna put so much stuff in your way?
08:07in this day and age
08:08you should never pick up a hitchhiker
08:10way too risky
08:12they might want to choose the music
08:15for our next golden paw nominee
08:17the hitchhiker is the one that's in real danger
08:26we've gotta hop on
08:27no, we're not gonna start up and go
08:29he's gonna follow us
08:30look it, there's a seal jumped on our boat
08:32for safety
08:34that's weird
08:35seals aren't naturally friendly to humans
08:37so I wonder why he would resort to hopping on a stranger's
08:40oh my gosh
08:43oh that makes sense
08:47what's up buddy?
08:48eh, you know, he's had better days
08:50we should give this guy a fish
08:52not sure he's got much of an appetite right now
08:54look at this, there's a whole pod
08:56and there's orcas all over us
08:59he really doesn't look hungry
09:03oh my gosh
09:04maybe just give those fish to the orcas waiting to eat the seal
09:10oh my god
09:12what's up buddy?
09:13you don't wanna be dinner?
09:18to us, even the biggest gnat in the world is just a gnat
09:23but in the gnat community
09:24you have to imagine he's like Dwayne the Rock Johnson of gnats
09:29starting a modest career in gnat football
09:31then pivoting to gnat wrestling
09:33slowly climbing the ranks until he's starring in Hollywood's biggest gnat blockbusters
09:39it's all a matter of perspective
09:47from then on, all the cows knew
09:51that Rocky ruled the roost
09:55when you're an alligator, everything is bite-sized
10:03Andre, come here
10:04having a big dog just makes you feel safe
10:10the tarpons learned two things about Jonathan that day
10:13Jonathan, not so low
10:15Jonathan, not so low
10:17Jonathan, not so low
10:17that he's not a great listener
10:19and then he tastes pretty good
10:24some days you just wanna see a tiny hamster eating a tiny burrito in a tiny kitchen
10:30you're welcome
10:32a word of advice
10:33I don't want your butt facing me
10:35little pet turkeys
10:37they don't stay that way forever
10:40mama's little pet turkey
10:41little tiny pet turkey
10:44this thing is a huge one
10:47so I got some fish
10:48like all great fishermen
10:50Tyler liked to embellish
10:52here's a huge fish
10:58it'd be great if all animals could get along in the wild
11:01but that's just not the world we live in
11:03you'll never see a bear give a rabid directions
11:05or a shark offer a sea turtle a ride to the airport
11:10and that's the sad truth for our next golden paw nominee
11:18the lioness is a fierce hunter and a pillar of her pride
11:24but she's about to learn a sad truth
11:27that zebras don't celebrate international hug day
11:40sorry girl
11:44maybe try and get back on the dating apps
11:49don't go anywhere
11:50because coming up
11:52we've got puddles and special deliveries
11:54and we'll see the final two golden paw nominees
11:57when totally funny animals continue
12:11I'm your animal anchorman Andy Woodhull
12:14well I'm not an animal anchorman
12:16I'm a man anchorman
12:17and here now is your animal update
12:20in the cold blooded competitive world of package delivery
12:24that package sitting on your porch right now
12:26may very well have arrived by an actual cold blooded delivery man
12:30or should I say delivery reptile
12:32the reptile delivery service or RDS
12:37here's an iguana in the front yard
12:39launched this week utilizing a workforce made entirely of iguanas
12:43with the motto we feed our employees bugs
12:45and pass the savings on to you
12:47no embarrassing brown shorts here
12:49all our delivery reptiles work all natural
12:54it seems every single bird in the area has headed south for the winter
13:00that is every bird
13:03but one
13:05Reggie Aviary from Elkhart Indiana
13:07just can't seem to go south this year
13:10Reggie became stuck in a powerful headwind about six days ago
13:13and has been flapping his heart out ever since
13:16Reggie admits the headwind has been great exercise
13:18and proudly exclaim he is stronger than ever
13:22and vows to try again next year
13:24as far as this year is concerned
13:26Reggie will just stay in Elkhart and buy a jacket
13:29oh
13:30stop it just disappeared
13:32no it just threw off
13:34as it may surprise absolutely no one
13:37the United Alliance Against Animal Bullying
13:40has named Zippy the Chimpanzee
13:42as the biggest bully in the animal kingdom
13:45Zippy's reputation as a bully
13:47especially to turtles has been well documented
13:53whether it's flipping turtles repeatedly onto their backs
13:55oh Zippy, how could you?
13:59oh
14:02or pushing them from the grass right into the monkey moat
14:07Zippy has gotten out of hand
14:08oh
14:11we at Totally Funny Animals have just one thing to say
14:15do better Zippy, do better
14:21tonight's animal update has been brought to you by
14:24this thing
14:25when you want to feed your dog but you want to make it complicated
14:28try this thing
14:30this thing is not available in stores or online or anywhere
14:33this is a fake ad on a TV show
14:40here's the difference between a crocodile and an alligator
14:44alligators have u-shaped snouts and you can't see their teeth when their mouths are shut
14:48crocodiles have v-shaped snouts and their lower teeth stick up when their mouths are closed
14:54of course, if you're close enough to either of them to spot the difference
14:57you have made a serious life mistake
15:01in this case, it would qualify you to be our next golden paw nominee
15:12Pete, you're too close to him
15:14go to crocodile cove they said
15:15it's a once in a lifetime experience they said
15:19you'll get some amazing photos they said
15:26I don't know who they are
15:28but they are no longer my friends
15:35every now and then I fantasize about packing up and getting a little farm out in the country
15:40it's those early farm hours I'm not so into
15:44I don't see why cows and chickens can't be fed around 10 30
15:48why can't farm animals brunch
15:55yeah this is the life kicking back on your favorite horse and looking at the clouds
16:02peaceful, but doesn't get any better than this
16:06whoa, hey, whoa
16:09are you okay?
16:11are you okay?
16:15they had a transactional relationship
16:18Dolly helped Daisy reach the tasty leaves
16:22Daisy's hooves realigned Dolly's vertebrae
16:26Daisy's hooves really worked the kinks out
16:30farmer Jenkins wasn't fast enough for bass
16:36she chose an odd profession
16:40for someone scared of chickens
16:45and yet, she perseveres
16:54she prefers drive-by feedings
17:00I hate to see her collect the eggs
17:03I hate to see her collect the eggs
17:12to reduce your stress, boost your mood, and lower your blood pressure
17:16that's why shepherds are so chill
17:19so the bigger the animal should mean
17:21the lower the stress, right?
17:23and now, we're gonna reduce your stress levels
17:26with our next golden paw nominee
17:34not many people get to see a whale this close up
17:38so what made Rebecca so special?
17:41well, she could hold her breath a really long time
17:49don't go anywhere
17:50we're gonna announce the winner of tonight's golden paw award
17:54when totally funny animals returns
18:06oh
18:26I feel nice, feel right, feel easy, feeling through the night.
18:31I'm aging.
18:33I don't know where to scratch.
18:35I think I wanna.
18:37Oh.
18:41Yes, I'm in the mood.
18:44I feel nice, feel right, feel easy, feeling through the night.
18:54The time has finally come to reveal tonight's Golden Paw Award winner.
18:59But before we celebrate, let's take another look at all of our nominees.
19:09First up, shark-finned friend.
19:11Hope he doesn't have a taste for dog.
19:14There's a seal drink on our phone.
19:16Then, of course, the luckiest seal on earth.
19:19He lives to bark another day.
19:23Followed by International Hug Day.
19:26It's lonely at the top of the food chain.
19:30Then, troubled water.
19:35Looks like a cursed jacuzzi.
19:36Sorry.
19:37And finally, beauty and the beast.
19:41Yeah, not an activity for me.
19:47And the winner of tonight's Golden Paw Award is the luckiest seal on earth.
19:59Oh, my gosh.
20:02Oh.
20:03Look at this guy.
20:05He's scared.
20:06Hopefully, this can start the healing process.
20:13Well, that's it for tonight's show.
20:15I can't wait to see you all again next time on Totally Funny Animals.
20:19Good night, everybody.
20:21Good night, everybody.
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