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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5domZkB-eRa6BuFOO8OXaQ
Carl Reiner guest stars in "Disaster 75" (a spoof of "Airport 1975"). Sketch from season 8, episode 12 of The Carol Burnett Show.
Cited as one of the best TV shows of all time by TV Guide, Entertainment Weekly, TIME, Rolling Stone, and others, “The Carol Burnett Show” is among the originators of the sketch comedy format. All 11 seasons of one of the most acclaimed and influential TV series of all-time, and the winner of 25 Emmy® Awards.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5domZkB-eRa6BuFOO8OXaQ
Carl Reiner guest stars in "Disaster 75" (a spoof of "Airport 1975"). Sketch from season 8, episode 12 of The Carol Burnett Show.
Cited as one of the best TV shows of all time by TV Guide, Entertainment Weekly, TIME, Rolling Stone, and others, “The Carol Burnett Show” is among the originators of the sketch comedy format. All 11 seasons of one of the most acclaimed and influential TV series of all-time, and the winner of 25 Emmy® Awards.
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Short filmTranscript
00:05Captain, will you stop it?
00:06Now, quit clowning around.
00:08You two, you creeps, let go of me.
00:10I've got to get to work.
00:11Now, cut it out, you guys.
00:12The passengers are out there.
00:14I've got to get to work.
00:15Will you?
00:15Just let me go.
00:18Good job.
00:19I don't want to.
00:19Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
00:21I just want to knock it off.
00:23I've got to get to work.
00:29Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,
00:31and welcome aboard Titanic Airlines.
00:35Flight 1313.
00:37I would like to apologize for the delay in taking off today,
00:41but there was a family of black cats crossing our runway.
00:45Our captain today is Lucky Lusitania,
00:48and our in-flight movie for your pleasure
00:51is The Poseidon Adventure.
00:54So do just sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight.
00:58Oh, by the way, I'm Nancy, and I'm glad you flew me.
01:04Oh, are you the nurse, Miss Liftgate?
01:07I have some information for you.
01:10The ambulance will be ready in Los Angeles
01:12to rush your patient, Mr. Tobridge,
01:14to the hospital for his transplant.
01:17By the way, what is he getting?
01:19Uh, a nose transplant.
01:21A nose transplant?
01:23Well, I never heard of that.
01:25Oh, it's very common in my business.
01:26What business are you in?
01:28I'm a meat grinder inspector.
01:30Oh, well, you'll be fine.
01:32I'm sure.
01:33Yes, I know I will.
01:34You know, this is my second one.
01:36Your second one?
01:37What happened to the first one?
01:38And they got it on upside down.
01:41How awful.
01:43The first time I took a shower, I almost drowned.
01:51We'll take very good care of you.
01:52Oh, one thing is very important.
01:54What?
01:54Don't put any pepper on my food.
01:57You got it.
01:58Oh, hello, sisters.
02:00Coffee, tea, or milk?
02:01Oh, we'll just have some...
02:05Tea for two, a two for tea.
02:09Hey, wait a minute.
02:10Aren't you?
02:11Yes.
02:12I'm Sister Mary Smothers, and this is my sister, Sister Sarah Smothers.
02:16Or, of course, the Singing Smothers Sisters.
02:19Right.
02:20Yeah, Mother Superior always liked her best.
02:24Oh.
02:25We're on our way to L.A., San Francisco, and San Diego.
02:29All concerts to help the needy.
02:31My, but you're awfully busy.
02:32Oh, yes.
02:34We really move our tail for long.
02:39Oh, you show people.
02:41Oh, by the way, isn't that Nora Desmond, the silent screen star, sitting back there?
02:46Why, yes, Sister, I think it is.
02:50Madison.
02:52Yes, Madam.
02:52Get your dictation pad out.
02:55It's time for me to give you my memoirs.
02:58Again, Madam?
03:00Of course!
03:01I want the whole world to know about the great Nora...
03:08Nora...
03:10Nora Desmond.
03:11See how quickly they forget, Max.
03:14Oh, and Max, that reminds me.
03:18Be sure and make a note to send a copy of this book
03:21to all my closest friends.
03:24Right.
03:26Send two cartons of books to Forest Lawn.
03:32Oh, excuse me, stewardess.
03:34Yes?
03:35You know, this is the first time I've ever flown on a...
03:37This is the first time I've ever flown on a 943.
03:40Oh.
03:41Are you sure it's safe?
03:42Oh, absolutely, Mr. Tobridge.
03:44Why, there's nothing at all to be worried about.
03:46Why, we have a completely computerized automatic pilot,
03:49all the latest navigational devices,
03:51and at least 100 safety devices alone.
03:55I mean, this plane is so safe,
03:57even a stewardess could fly it.
04:01What was that?
04:02What was what?
04:03Well, just now, I heard an ominous chord of music
04:06when I said even a stewardess could fly this plane.
04:10There it is again!
04:12Sisters?
04:14Wait, was it us?
04:15We don't do background music.
04:18I'm getting scared.
04:19Oh, no, no.
04:21There's nothing to be scared about.
04:22I mean, the only way we could have a problem
04:24would be if there were a man in a small private plane
04:27flying in this vicinity,
04:28and if he got a touch of the Belgian Congo flu,
04:31which, of course, causes swelling of the joints
04:33and a loss of altitude,
04:35and then if he crashed into our pilot's cockpit
04:38and caused a hole big enough
04:39for the three men to be sucked out.
04:42Oh!
04:50What a coincidence!
04:53Ladies and gentlemen!
04:55Ladies and gentlemen, please, please, be calm!
04:58Please!
04:59Please, please be calm!
05:01It's senseless to waste your last few minutes screaming!
05:06Everything is going to be all right!
05:09All right!
05:11Don't anybody get near me!
05:13This briefcase is filled with dynamite!
05:17I'm a desperate man!
05:19I tried.
05:20Oh, how I tried.
05:22I tried to find work,
05:24but do you know how hard it is
05:25for a guy to find work
05:27who used to be in charge of Friday night on ABC?
05:32Don't talk to me about a disaster.
05:34I know my bombs.
05:35What are you going to do?
05:36I'm going to blow...
05:37I'm...
05:38I'm going...
05:40I'm going to blow a hole in the side of this plane.
05:42No, wait!
05:43But we've already got one.
05:45Then I'm going to blow up the whole plane
05:46and everybody in it...
05:47No, no, listen to me.
05:48Listen to me.
05:49You want airport.
05:51That was flight 99 out of Chicago.
05:53We did that four years ago.
05:56I'm sorry.
05:57It's all right.
06:00Sisters, please,
06:01why don't you sing something
06:02to calm the passengers down, all right?
06:04Everybody, we're going to have
06:06a little entertainment now.
06:07Just calm down.
06:08The sisters are going to sing for us.
06:18Sister, do you have an up tune?
06:23Oh, yeah.
06:25I'm going to live till I die.
06:29Just something nice and bright and cheery
06:32to get the passengers' minds
06:33off the impending doom, all right?
06:35Good idea.
06:3699 bottles appear on the wall.
06:3999 bottles appear.
06:40If one of those bottles should happen to fall,
06:4398 bottles appear on the wall.
06:50Flight 1313, come in, please.
06:52Flight 1313, do you hear me?
06:551313, come in.
06:56Come in.
07:01Look, I'm trying to run an airline.
07:04Do you have to make these personal calls?
07:06We've got traffic stacked up
07:07all over this place.
07:08I'll only be a second.
07:09Nancy and I had a little spat
07:10before I took off.
07:12She might be a little upset up there.
07:14Now, don't worry.
07:15The guys in the cockpit
07:16can handle Nancy.
07:17That's what the spat was about.
07:21Flight 1313, would you come in, please?
07:23Flight 1313.
07:24Hello, hello.
07:25Control tower?
07:26Control tower, this is Nancy.
07:28This is flight 1313.
07:31Oh, can you hear me?
07:33Nancy, this is Murdoch.
07:34Yes, I can hear you.
07:35Can you hear me?
07:36Oh, it's you.
07:40Yes, I can hear you.
07:41Nancy, I want to talk to you.
07:44Well, I want to talk to you.
07:45And I want to talk to the pilot.
07:47Keep your pants on.
07:48What?
07:49Not you, sweetheart.
07:50Yes, you do.
07:53Listen, Murdoch.
07:54No, no, you listen to me for a change.
07:56No, but this is important.
07:58Murdoch, suppose I told you that our plane has a hole in it.
08:02Suppose I told you that the friendly crews, the flight crews, call you Old Friendly Skies.
08:08And suppose I told you that nobody is flying this plane.
08:12Suppose I told you I heard you were giving out blankets and pillows in the parking lot.
08:17And suppose I told you that this plane is going to crash.
08:21And suppose I told you that just once, just once, I'd like to hear you say, I love you, instead
08:27of welcome aboard.
08:28Oh, man.
08:36What's wrong now?
08:37Oh, I just had a spat with my boyfriend.
08:40Oh, is that all?
08:41Is that all?
08:42We've been going together since 68.
08:4568 bottles of beer on the wall.
08:58Forty-two bottles of beer on the wall.
08:59Forty-two bottles of beer.
09:01If one of those bottles should happen to fall.
09:04Forty-one bottles.
09:04No, no, no, no, no.
09:06There are not 42 bottles of beer on the wall.
09:09Maybe an hour ago there were 42 bottles of beer on the wall.
09:12You know what's on the wall now?
09:13I mean, hole is on the wall, but do you care?
09:16No, you sit there pretending to be Helen Randi.
09:19Forty-two bottles of beer on the wall.
09:21Forty-two bottles.
09:22I've had that to hear when you're singing, lady.
09:24I've had a nose full of your singing.
09:26This is the thing here.
09:27Please, please, please.
09:28Please, please.
09:29Please don't control yourself.
09:30I can't stand that anymore.
09:31Forty-two bottles of beer on the wall.
09:33Please, control yourself.
09:34Forty-two bottles of beer.
09:35I can't stop.
09:36Oh.
09:37Oh, my nose.
09:41All right, sister.
09:45See this gun?
09:47It's loaded, and I mean business.
09:50I'm taking over this plane, and I want to take it to Cuba.
09:53Don't you understand?
09:54This plane is going to crash in Salt Lake City.
09:58Okay.
10:01Max, what's happening now?
10:03We have to land in Salt Lake City, madam.
10:06Good.
10:08I wonder if Brigham Young still remembers me.
10:14Got it.
10:16That was the Air Force.
10:18The flight crew of 1313 just fell on the front lawn of a motel in Albuquerque.
10:24Was Nancy with them?
10:25No, no, no.
10:26She's still up there in the plane.
10:28Good.
10:28Let them get their own girl.
10:31Horry not.
10:32Now, listen to me.
10:32She's up there alone, and love her spat or not, you are the only one who can save her.
10:39Control tower to flight 1313.
10:41Nancy, listen to me.
10:43I'm going to tell you how to fly that plane.
10:47First of all, I want you to say you're sorry.
10:56All right, I'm sorry.
10:59Now.
11:00Now say, forgive me.
11:10Forgive me.
11:16Please forgive me.
11:18Please forgive me.
11:20Pretty please with cream and sugar on it.
11:23Get the plane down!
11:26Please get the plane down.
11:28Please get the plane down.
11:31That's better.
11:31Now, Nancy, here's what you have to do.
11:33What?
11:33There's a little white knob on the instrument panel that controls the automatic pilot,
11:38and it will get you down safely.
11:40Just pull it.
11:40Where is it?
11:41To your left, there are three red lights and a green arrow with a sign over it that says,
11:46This is your white knob.
11:49Got it?
11:50Uh-oh.
11:51What's wrong?
11:53I think that white knob is what the pilot was holding onto when he left.
11:58What happened?
11:59Pilot.
12:00There's no way.
12:01There's no way.
12:02She can never get down now.
12:03Without that little white knob, she has no control over the vertical stabilizers,
12:06the ailerons, the dive brakes, or the in-flight movie projector.
12:10What are you trying to say?
12:11I'm trying to say that that plane will go down in a screaming power dive and disintegrate
12:15in a great ball of fire against the side of a mountain.
12:17What's wrong?
12:18Oh, nothing, love.
12:19Just do your thing, Nancy.
12:20We'll get back to you.
12:25And then when I was two, I had my ears pierced.
12:31Max, you're not writing any of this down.
12:33We'll never finish my book if you keep this up.
12:36Don't you understand, madam?
12:37They think the plane is going to crash.
12:43Stand in!
12:44Stand in!
12:50What are we going to do?
12:53I'm going up after her.
12:54Are you crazy?
12:55Don't argue.
12:56I've got no choice.
12:57No, no, I can't allow it.
12:58Look, I'm the only man in the...
13:01Only man alive.
13:02The only man in this whole world who can fly that plane.
13:05No matter how much damage there is to that plane,
13:08I can bring her down.
13:09But you...
13:10That's the way I'm built.
13:12Don't try to stop me.
13:13There's nothing you can say that will stop me.
13:15But how are you going to get up there?
13:17Now, that's a good point.
13:18That's...
13:21I've got it.
13:22It's an old bit, but it just may work.
13:26Where's the door?
13:27Oh, probably here.
13:30I know a lot of you are wondering what's going on,
13:33so why don't we just turn up the lights
13:34and see if y'all have any questions.
13:36Yes.
13:37How tall are you?
13:39How tall am I?
13:41Well, I'm five feet seven.
13:43I'm 5'3 in heels.
13:46Yes, sister?
13:47Who's your favorite pilot?
13:49Oh, my favorite pilot.
13:50Gosh, you're putting me on a toughie.
13:51Let's see.
13:52There's so many that I really like,
13:54but I guess I have to say my all-time favorite
13:56is Jimmy Stewart.
13:57I love him.
13:58I really do.
13:59Yes.
14:00Uh-huh.
14:00Are you ever going to have Rock Hudson on the plane?
14:03Oh, we have tried.
14:05We've really tried to book Rock Hudson on this flight,
14:08but he's so busy,
14:09what with Macmillan and wife and everything,
14:11but maybe we'll get him on this flight during his hiatus.
14:14Thank you for asking.
14:15Yes.
14:16Why do you tug on your ear?
14:18Oh, I tug on my ear?
14:19Well, I tug on my ear because,
14:21well, it's just my way of saying,
14:23I'm so glad we had this time.
14:26Thank you for asking.
14:27Any other, yes?
14:28What was your first job as a stewardess?
14:30Oh, my first job as a stewardess,
14:32let's see,
14:32I got my start back on the old Gary, Indiana flight.
14:36Yes, sir.
14:37How old are you?
14:38I'm sorry,
14:38but that's all the time we have for questions now,
14:41but thank you very much,
14:42and stay with us
14:44because we got a great landing coming up,
14:46so don't go away.
14:54Control tower!
14:56Control tower, this is Nancy!
14:58Please, can you help me?
15:00Help!
15:01Help!
15:04Murdoch!
15:05Murdoch!
15:06Murdoch!
15:06Murdoch, how did you get up here?
15:08I trapped!
15:10Please!
15:11I'm going to help you!
15:13Oh, Murdoch!
15:15Oh!
15:17Oh, you're a spoil!
15:19Oh!
15:20Oh, you're here!
15:21Everything's all right, honey.
15:23I'm going to get this plane down.
15:24Now, what seems to be the trouble?
15:27Oh, oh, I see.
15:29Yeah.
15:31Want to help Daddy land the plane?
15:32I'd love to.
15:35Okay, hang on.
15:36I'm going to set her down now.
15:37Well, now, you said I could help you.
15:39Oh, yes, I did.
15:41You see where that white knob used to be?
15:42Uh-huh.
15:43Stick your finger in the hole.
15:44All right.
15:47That's pretty good.
15:48We're going to land this little baby now.
15:51This is fun.
15:52One bump or two bumps?
15:53One bump, darling.
16:04Oh, ladies and gentlemen.
16:08Oh, thank you so much.
16:10Well, as you can tell by the landing, we're all safe.
16:13And I want to thank you.
16:14You've all been just swell.
16:15You've made my first disaster a real pleasure.
16:18I'd like to tell you it's 2.48 local time here in Salt Lake City.
16:22The temperature is 72.
16:24The humidity is 64%.
16:26It's partly cloudy with a 20% chance of rain and a 60% chance of...
16:32Earthquake!
16:33Earthquake!
16:45Thank you so much for joining us.
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