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DRAG☆FOLKS
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Hello Racers and welcome to DRAG☆FOLKS - Everything Drag (Race) In One Place To Watch. If you liked this video, feel free to subscribe for more and join my socials, where I post frequently:

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Transcript
00:14You
00:15Ready for some common
00:19We're doing a real
00:21Lift on three with the knees you guys are all fit. You know how to lift one two three
00:26And you're gonna try to go up those steps that's the plan
00:30Step step
00:32This is what I was worried about
00:33Don't want to go to the grave being known for having money
00:36Don't want to go to the grave being known for creating something
00:39Look at my crown
00:40Where is it?
00:41Right there
00:43Word clock
00:44It's cute right?
00:45She is high budget girl
00:47I mean I want it to look nice
00:50Nope, nope
00:54Hey, we'll start with risking my life
00:56Shadiest celebrity election
01:00Alright, finish this sentence
01:01Bob the drag queen is
01:02And whatever the fuck they say
01:04Boring, cool
01:05Exactly
01:05Hideous, gross, tall
01:07Too tall
01:07Handsome, in drag
01:09Bob the drag queen is the best bitch around
01:11Bob the drag queen is crazy
01:13The queen we name and not the queen we deserve
01:15Yeah
01:16Yeah
01:21Bullet point steal names
01:26Bob the drag queen is the funniest queen in the universe
01:30The funniest bitch
01:32The funniest bitch
01:33The funniest bitch
01:33My favorite thing about Bob the drag queen is how unapologetic she is
01:37White people into french fries
01:38Into names
01:40Into slaves
01:41Which goes into
01:44Why are people calling me?
01:46My favorite thing about Bob the drag queen is she bottoms
01:49Call me
01:51My favorite thing is his assistant of course
01:55She walks into the room first
01:57First
01:59Freshman
01:59Fat Black
02:00Women and Vegans
02:00White Moms
02:01White
02:01People
02:02The most famous
02:04Termit
02:05Bob the drag queen is
02:08Bob the drag queen damn it
02:10Good answer
02:11A current
02:12Amazing
02:13Caring
02:13I love her my favorite thing about Bob the drag queen is and I've been to see him six times
02:21He always brings his family and he always gives a shout-out to his mom and his uncle Steve
02:27And he's so sweet about that
02:29I haven't seen my father in over a decade
02:33Is this too heavy to talk about me for a challenge?
02:35No, no, no
02:35He's never seen a perform ever
02:37And we kind of just started talking again like a couple of weeks ago to be honest with you
02:43She really cares about making a difference in the community which is great too
02:46Bob has zero fucks to give
02:48Bob drag queen is everything
02:49A clan for the people hunting
02:52This show has to be serious
03:02I don't know if my dad's here or not
03:05I mean he looks like me
03:07But shorter
03:12Did Frank not show up?
03:27Did I look nervous?
03:29What's going through your head?
03:30I just want this 10 o'clock show to be a knockout
03:32It has to be
03:33It's gonna be awesome
03:38It is a known fact that a woman do carry an evening bag
03:41A dinner car
03:42You see the real house wires of Atlanta
03:44You see the real house wires of the Tomac
03:47You even see those little women in L.A.
03:50I don't know why you won't get it
03:51Is it too much trying to look like me?
03:53My purse was bought one gear one
03:55Prius that I'm here I'm weighing out
03:57Rob I'll take your hand-me-downs
03:59Cindy Prada
03:59No, it's not up
04:00No, no, no, no, no, it's not up
04:02You broke the bass junt der in the band
04:03No, lose the piece of Thompson
04:05Makka
04:06Jack
04:06Jack
04:07Jack
04:07Jack
04:07Jack
04:08Jack
04:09Jack
04:09Jack
04:10Jack
04:10Jack
04:12Jack
04:23Jack
04:23Jack
04:32Some of these furl white homosexuals I bought off of Ebay, get the hell out of here, Amazon Prime, that
04:42was for moonlight motherfuckers, fucking la la land, fuck la la land, black folks were like this is bullshit, wait,
04:57wait, I bet Hillary Clinton is at home was like is there still a chance for me, no Hillary that
05:06ship has sailed bitch, like the Amistad that ship has sailed girl, this time black folks were on the ship,
05:14yes, I call it 40 acres and an Oscar, that's reparations right there bitch, oh my goodness it feels so
05:24good to be back in Atlanta, Georgia,
05:33I'm into it, you know what, I learned something, I learned something years ago in theater school, always end on
05:39a high note, thank you for coming out, thank you, hit it, I'm just kidding,
05:47Girl, purse first is a part of my life forever, even if I ever hate purses, if I even lose
05:52my arms, who gives a fuck, purse first girl, my whole life, purse first, I'll be 85, come off of
06:00me bag first, I can't hold my bladder,
06:06By the way, I had to pee the moment he was like giving her a bottle, I was like shit,
06:09I have to pee, so girl, let's see how this fucking show goes girl,
06:14I feel like I'm a poised commercial away from pissing myself right now girl, just like this the whole time,
06:21just walking towards it, oh shit, oh shit,
06:24Is there anyone here, be honest, who has no clue who I am, don't be embarrassed, don't be scared, was
06:28anyone here dragged by their friends, anyone here,
06:30You, you just showed up, you were like it's a free ticket, I'm coming, what's your name, Matthew, are you
06:37straight, you are, I knew I smelled something funny,
06:40I was like, is that X body spray, what is going on girl, your fear makes me feel strong, no
06:49I'm kidding, and this is your drag race watching the wife, girlfriend, sister, cousin,
06:56Yeah, no, the other one bitch, yes, that one, what's her name,
07:00My name's Hallie, Hallie, Hallie's like, I'm a woman who speaks for herself, god damn it, she's like, I didn't
07:05get this fucking Suzy Orman haircut for nothing bitch, I'm speaking for myself,
07:09Well, Matthew, let me introduce myself to you and your girlfriend, wife, cousin, this is Georgia, who fucking knows girl,
07:16I can make that joke, I'm from Atlanta, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Bob, the drag queen, hold for
07:22applause,
07:33First name, Bob, last name, I am very easy to find, I'm on Facebook, I am on Instagram, I am
07:40also on Twitter, but if you're just some sort of a hoe,
07:42I'm on Grindr, alright, I'm on Scruff, I'm on Jack, but if you're like a really conservative hoe, I'm also
07:49on Christian Mingle,
07:52If you're like a really rural hoe, I'm also on FarmersOnly.com
07:59And if you need some shelves put up in your house, I'm also on TaskRabbit, you're welcome, girl,
08:05A girl's gotta do what she gotta do to make ends meet today, I love, oh, there are a lot
08:09of black motherfuckers in the room tonight, oh my goodness, yes,
08:14Yes, you know you're in Atlanta now, see, I, I'm from Clayton County, alright, girl,
08:23Everyone is like, oh, I didn't know I was better than you, oh shit, yes, bitch, Clay Coe, Jonesboro, Mount
08:31Zion, College Park,
08:37It's rough in the streets in Atlanta, bitch, I was trying to explain Atlanta to people who don't live in
08:44Atlanta,
08:44And in New York, I'm like, how can I explain Atlanta to you, it's like New York, except everyone who's
08:49brown is black,
08:50Everyone who's Asian is black, and everyone who's white is scared.
08:59Welcome to with such great celebrities as Bobby Brown and Lanithia Leakes, girl, is Nene, is Nene here? No? Then
09:10fuck it.
09:11Like, that's just the best way I can describe Atlanta to you, I think my family is here tonight too,
09:15by the way, it's like, where's my family hiding at?
09:18Oh, yes, that sea of darkness over there, see, y'all didn't realize I'm light-skinned in my family, bitch.
09:28I am the Naomi Smalls of my family, girl, that goes by with her high yellow self, and my mom
09:36was like, I want to sit in the front row,
09:38I was like, mom, I can't have you sit in the front row, because last time my mom came to
09:41the show, and I was like saying something,
09:42and I turn around, walk away, she goes, Chris, I was like, mom, don't call me Chris.
09:47I'm trying to create an illusion, and my mom was like, like, Christopher Delmar Caldwell.
09:55Yes, I have the whitest name in the world.
09:59I call myself Bob the Drag Queen, I had to really ethnic it up.
10:03Bob is a huge ethnic step up from Christopher Delmar Caldwell.
10:08I sound like a fucking news anchor.
10:10Now, back to you, Christopher Delmar.
10:15The traffic's backed up in Spaghetti Junction today.
10:20Local humor.
10:25It's like she knows us.
10:28She's one of us.
10:31People like to make fun of black names.
10:33I say, fuck that.
10:34I have a cousin named Trelena.
10:37Yes, she sounds like a fucking medicine for a venereal disease.
10:41Take two Trelenas and call me in the morning.
10:46Thanks, Trelena.
10:51But I think that's fucked up, because I love, first of all, black people, we have a very young culture.
10:56We were slaves for 400 years.
10:59We've been free for 150 years.
11:01You look shocked.
11:01We were slaves.
11:02Surprise.
11:05We've been free for about 154 fucking years.
11:07So we have very young culture.
11:09We got to come up with a name.
11:10Uh, uh, uh, Trelena.
11:13And folks are like, that's ghetto.
11:15Everything we do, that's ghetto.
11:17And then about 20, 40 years later, it becomes the new standard.
11:20You know what I'm talking about?
11:21Rock and roll.
11:22That's ghetto.
11:23Cut to, and then ACDC strumming away on a guitar.
11:26Getting Grammy Awards.
11:28Ragtime.
11:28That's the devil's music.
11:30Cut to, jazz musicians.
11:32Black people, we have fucked up first names.
11:34Daquatia, Trelena, Shaniqua, Daquandre.
11:38But enough about my cousins.
11:43It's always a really plain ass last name.
11:45It's like Daquatia, Smith.
11:49And it, Shalandria, Brown.
11:54But white people are the exact fucking opposite.
11:57Y'all got some fucked up, crazy, weird ass last name.
12:02Benedict Cumberbatch.
12:02What the fuck is that?
12:06That sounds like something I buy at Trader Joe's and be like, Cumberbatch?
12:11I'm not eating vegan this week.
12:13Fuck that.
12:16Pick up some Cumberbatch when you go to Trader Joe's.
12:21White people love Trader Joe's.
12:24You cannot, you cannot stop white people.
12:27Trader Joe's is KFC to white people, all right?
12:31It's true.
12:33White people also love cardigan sweaters.
12:34You cannot stop white people from wearing a nice, look at this black man in the front row.
12:42You fucking it up, everybody.
12:47As they say, it's not unusual.
12:52What's your name?
12:53Please have a black name.
12:53Please don't be Craig, Steve, Carl.
12:55It's Steve!
12:58I'm leaving.
13:02Steve.
13:07Some bullshit.
13:08Your name is Daquan to the end of the taping.
13:12I watched the white guy next to you name was like Terrell.
13:15That's going to be the fucked up shit, girl.
13:17You're not white.
13:17Are you white?
13:19No, he's like, he's like, where are you?
13:20Cuban.
13:21Cubans.
13:22There you go.
13:23We just, a lot of Cuban fans in the house.
13:25Woo!
13:27Ain't none of y'all motherfuckers ever been to Cuba.
13:29Nice try though, girl.
13:31Cuba.
13:32Mmm.
13:34That's just because you love, everyone loves Latin men.
13:37Let me tell you something no one, let me tell you a word no one's ever said.
13:40I'm just not into Latin guys.
13:41No one's ever said those words ever, girl.
13:44Latin guys are fucking hot as hell.
13:47A Latin guy would be this tall and he comes over and he's like, you ready?
13:51Unzip.
13:59Damn.
14:06Which brings us to my favorite topic.
14:09Penises.
14:10I'm just kidding.
14:11Woo!
14:13There's one lesbian like, we're leaving.
14:15We didn't send her for this shit.
14:17Dick is a great topic though.
14:19Think about penises this, like, first of all, I'm a six foot to 210 pound black man.
14:24I know what a big dick looks like, okay?
14:25Everyone on Grindr, their penises are all the exact same length.
14:28You know, so every single person, if you go to someone's house and you have an average
14:32size penis and you pull out a magnum size condom, it's not going to end well for you.
14:39I have eyes, motherfucker.
14:41Getting fucked by an average size penis covered in a magnum size condom is like getting fucked
14:44by a trash bag and that shit's not cute, girl.
14:48Get this hefty bag out of here.
14:53It's true.
14:54It's true.
14:55People like to do a lot.
14:56I'm going to get my mic a stand.
14:57Oh, here it is.
14:58Oh, yes.
15:00Give me this motherfucker, girl.
15:03But not only that, I also love, hold on, I also have, um, oh, the stage is crooked there.
15:09There we go.
15:10We are still at the jungle, motherfucker, girl.
15:18Look, in the credits, I'm going to be like, filmed at the Fox Theater.
15:26Now, Fox looks a little to have a cabaret space.
15:28Don't worry about, okay, it's 2016.
15:32I can't come here and not talk about last year.
15:36I'm talking about last year.
15:38I know what year it is.
15:39Don't you worry.
15:39It was a big year for me, so I think I know what year it was, girl.
15:482016 was crazy.
15:50Can we all agree?
15:52It was the craziest show.
15:53I was like, what the fuck is going on?
15:55And 1989 celebrities died, including Mariah Carey's career, right at the very end, girl.
16:05Oh, Mariah Carey.
16:08But if she, is Mariah Carey here?
16:10Then fuck her.
16:10We're going to make fun of her.
16:11Fuck that bitch.
16:12Not only that, let me tell you why everyone loves to hate Mariah Carey.
16:15It's for a couple reasons.
16:16One, Mariah Carey is remarkably talented.
16:20It's true.
16:21She is, she has one of the best voices of our time.
16:23This is undeniable.
16:25Maybe not today.
16:25And I was like, Mariah Carey can't sing anymore.
16:28Bitch, she has been only belting out whistle notes in eight octaves for the past literally three decades.
16:35So I'm sure you can give her a break if she can't hit a whistle every fucking time.
16:38I stand next to a smoker at karaoke for 10 minutes and I'm done for a month, all right?
16:44But we love to hate her because she's very talented and she's so fucking gorgeous.
16:49When she's fat, she's gorgeous.
16:50When she's skinny, she's gorgeous.
16:52When she was in Preston and had a mustache, she was still fucking gorgeous.
16:57So when something bad happened to her, we were all like, yes, no one is untouchable.
17:02Fuck that pretty bitch.
17:03And she didn't give a fuck.
17:04She started at the top of the stairs.
17:06As soon as the song came on, she was like, it was number one at some point.
17:16We got to go this way.
17:20I'm going to let the audience sing it.
17:25And it wasn't so bad.
17:26It didn't get embarrassing until she's singing and she's not, she's like, just kind of like coming in everything.
17:31And then all of a sudden out of nowhere, the whistle notes are pre-recorded.
17:36And everyone at home was like, she'll be fine.
17:44I'm not worried about Mariah Carey of all people.
17:47I live in New York City.
17:48I live in a little, I live north of Harlem.
17:51Now, when you don't live in New York City, like when I call home, like I live like above Harlem.
17:56Everyone's like, my mom's like, oh, be, my mom, be careful.
17:59Don't, I'm here, I make her sound 89.
18:01Be careful.
18:02My mom's the witch who lives in the way.
18:04Be careful.
18:06Bob.
18:08But everyone thinks Harlem, Harlem is not dangerous anymore.
18:11I'm sorry, now there's nothing dangerous about a neighborhood with an H&M in it.
18:15All right.
18:18No one's ever said the words, I got mugged.
18:20We're right outside the H&M, right outside the H&M.
18:25He was wearing an infinity scarf.
18:26I thought it was going to go on forever.
18:33You know, I'm sorry, it's hard to trust white folks.
18:35It is.
18:36All the black folks are like, speak the truth, sister.
18:40I met, I went on a, I did a cruise.
18:43I got booked to do a cruise.
18:44And at first I was like, listen.
18:48Last time white folks offered black people a free cruise.
19:01Shit got a little wonky.
19:05I imagine like on the west coast of Africa, there was like one guy named like, you talking
19:09boy like, I will see, don't worry.
19:12And a white man takes him over to the ship.
19:14He walks up, looking all nervous and shit.
19:17Ain't never seen white people.
19:19And he looks at it and he's like.
19:26He's like, it's good.
19:27Oh, shit.
19:29Cut to.
19:33Now I'm here, motherfuckers.
19:37Do y'all all know each other in the front?
19:38Are you, oh my God, you have some big ass titties.
19:42Don't try to, don't try to get modest now.
19:45Now she's like, I didn't realize that the ladies were here.
19:48You had to reserve three tickets, girl.
19:50Work, honey.
19:52Yeah, that's not a short, that's a cage.
19:55Work, girl.
19:56What is your name?
19:58Paris.
19:59See, that's how black folks name their kids.
20:01Hard pronounced names, cars and cities, girl.
20:05These are my children, Daquatia, Cadillac and Paris.
20:10Then you really hate your kids.
20:11This is my kids, Columbus, Albany and Macon.
20:19Oh, Macon is such a fucking shithole.
20:22Oh, I hate that town.
20:24It's so gross.
20:26Like, why?
20:27You remember when Oprah did her favorite thing that she gave everyone in Macon a refrigerator?
20:32I was like, bitch, half the people in Macon don't have houses.
20:35What you talking about?
20:36A refrigerator, bitch.
20:42Everyone in Macon gets a croissant.
20:44She gave them all croissants.
20:48The last thing that people in Macon need is fucking carbs, Oprah Winfrey, all right?
20:53I don't want to make fun of Oprah.
20:55She has spies everywhere, girl.
20:58As a gay man, you cannot, you can't not be obsessed with famous women.
21:03We, drag queens revere women.
21:05Gay men revere women.
21:06For example, I mean, I fucking love Beyonce.
21:08I'm not going to lie.
21:09I fucking love Beyonce.
21:10I do.
21:12But not because of the reasons you love her.
21:13Not because she can sing and she can dance.
21:15I love Beyonce because she is the shadiest celebrity of all time.
21:21You didn't know she was shady, did you?
21:22Oh, Beyonce is mad shady, son, all right?
21:25And you know how you can tell Beyonce is shady?
21:27Beyonce has been in the limelight for all of her life.
21:31She has never been involved in any celebrity drama.
21:33She had them all killed.
21:34That's what happens to the girl.
21:36You say Beyonce, she's like, kill him.
21:39Do you remember when Beyonce and her friends were on 106?
21:45We're on 106 and Park.
21:46Do you remember this?
21:47And Michelle, Kelly, and Beyonce are walking down.
21:50And by the way, the crazy thing was Beyonce must have been feeling real kind
21:54because she let Kelly stand in the middle.
21:58They're all walking.
22:01That's not a song.
22:01We don't have the rights for the songs.
22:05And then poor Michelle buckles.
22:07Ankle.
22:08Knee.
22:09Hits the ground.
22:10Boom, boom.
22:10Hits the ground.
22:11Now this is where you decide, are you going to be a Kelly or are you going to be a
22:14Beyonce,
22:14all right?
22:15Kelly goes.
22:19Beyonce goes.
22:33The closest she's ever been to being in drama was she was standing in the elevator
22:37while two other people had drama, all right?
22:40You remember that when Jay-Z was in the elevator with Solange and then Solange went all Mortal
22:45combat on his ass?
22:46Finish him!
22:48C-c-c-combo.
22:50Toasty!
22:51And Beyonce is in the corner like this.
23:00Boom, boom.
23:11Was anybody else worried that Blue Ivy was going to be ugly?
23:13Was anyone else worried about that?
23:16Girl, I was like, with a daddy like Jay-Z, what's really going to happen, girl?
23:23He is a rough looking man.
23:25Thank God for money.
23:26Am I right, girl?
23:27Jesus Christ.
23:29And then she has twins.
23:31Did you guys hear what happened to Jay-Z?
23:32Oh my God, Jay-Z, when Beyonce called him, he was in New York City, driving down the West
23:36Side Highway.
23:37Beyonce said, babe, we have twins.
23:39And then Jay-Z was so overwhelmed, he just let back the sunroof, and he like, looked out
23:45and screamed, woo!
23:46And then his lips almost beat him to death.
23:48It was so...
23:58I want you guys to realize I'm risking my life telling Beyonce jokes to you right now,
24:02because I could be dead next week, girl.
24:09Beyonce gets one letter.
24:10She goes, mm-hmm.
24:12To the left, to the left.
24:19I have a theory that, that Beyonce never knew Michelle was in Destiny's Child.
24:28Like, I can't prove, I have a feeling she was like, why is this backup dancer singing
24:33so loud?
24:40Fun fact, they made Michelle take an Uber to every gig.
24:45Uber pool, Uber pool.
24:48She had to catch a ride with the other girls, been kicked out of Destiny's Child.
24:53She'll be fine.
24:55She's a Grammy winner.
24:57So, I don't feel bad for fucking Beyonce.
25:00Also, of course, I got to meet my all-time favorite celebrity, the one and only, the glamazon,
25:06the most gorgeous feminine structure in the history of the world, Rue fucking Paul.
25:15Girl.
25:17Rue Paul.
25:18Let me tell you what it's like to me, Rue Paul.
25:20Everyone's like, what's it like?
25:21Is it magical?
25:22Is it, it's fucking scary.
25:23Rue Paul is scary as fuck, all right?
25:25I don't care who you are, it's intimidating.
25:27First of all, Rue Paul is like six foot four, she got legs that go all the way up to
25:30her fucking
25:31armpits, all right?
25:32I went and saw her shit out of her chin, it was fucking weird.
25:36She also looks like a big praying mantis up there, she's like...
25:43She's like a real-life Tim Burton character, you know what I'm talking about?
25:47Like, I felt like when she walks in the room, she's like, hello, hello, hello, this is Halloween,
25:51this is Halloween.
25:57Rue Paul is also, she is taped up.
25:59You have to think to yourself, think about this, Rue Paul is like 54 or 55 years old.
26:03Think about that.
26:04Who here has a parent in their 50s, in their mid-50s?
26:07Rue Paul is a 55-year-old man.
26:09And then you look at your mom, you're like, what are you doing with your life, bitch?
26:14That's someone's grandpa right now looking great.
26:17Put on a pair of heels, bitch.
26:21You got some shaping up to do.
26:24I was once standing in Times Square, like fighting for equality, and I used to wear this
26:28wedding dress, and this girl walked by, and it wasn't the word she said, it was how
26:32she said it.
26:33What she said, well, the words were, look, mom, a pretty lady.
26:37But that sounds like it could be like, if she was like, look, mom, a pretty lady, it
26:40wasn't like that.
26:40She's holding her hands with her mom, she looks at me, looks at her mom, she goes, look,
26:45mom, a pretty lady, bitch.
26:48And just like walks, I was like, oh my God, kids these days.
26:52Everyone always says, like, Rue Paul is the Beyonce of drag, and I think that Beyonce is
26:57the fucking Rue Paul, that's what it is, girl, because Rue Paul, Rue Paul came first.
27:01I fucking love her, she's the fucking champion of my life.
27:03I get to travel the world, literally the world.
27:05Listen, guys, I was born in Columbus, Georgia, okay?
27:11I am not one of the upper crusts.
27:13You know how like, fancy, like rich folks have to have choices, like, rich people call
27:17their cars by the type of car.
27:19You see what I'm saying?
27:20Rich folks like, let's, meet me outside, I'll have the bins in the front, come get me.
27:24That's not some shit poor people do, because you have choices.
27:27We're going to take the bins, or we're going to take the Lexus.
27:30We had a choice, we're taking the car, we're taking the fucking bus.
27:32That was the choice that I was a kid, all right?
27:35And everyone would ask me why am I, like, also, I got to work with a bunch of girls.
27:39I was the blackest motherfucking Rue Paul's drag race, all right?
27:41And Naomi, she's all light-skinned and mixed race.
27:44I'm mixed too.
27:47My mom was black, my dad was black as hell, and I ended up being this lovely shade of mailbox.
28:01Not only that, but the rest of the girls from the show, everyone thinks I'm dainty.
28:06I look dainty because I'm next to humongous fucking people.
28:09Kim, she is huge.
28:10She is not a tiny little Asian woman.
28:12She's a monster.
28:14I want a DNA test.
28:16She might be Godzilla.
28:17I don't fucking know.
28:19Naomi Small is also 18 feet tall, 90 pounds, 89 pounds up in his dick.
28:24You need to see it, girl.
28:25It's ridiculous.
28:27Yes.
28:28I am sweating my ass off up here, girl.
28:31Jesus Christ.
28:33Oh, shit.
28:34When you, when you, I don't want to, purse first.
28:39I'm going to get, like, gay Tourette's.
28:41Purse first.
28:43You better work.
28:45Don't let come for me.
28:48You just yell gay stuff.
28:49What's your name?
28:50Matthew.
28:51Matthew.
28:52Where are you from?
28:53Kansas City.
28:54Kansas City.
28:56What do you do here in Atlanta?
28:59Physical therapist.
29:00Physical therapist.
29:01Ooh, that's exciting.
29:02Is this guy next to you your boyfriend?
29:04Uh, no.
29:09Let me, uh, tell you guys what just happened, okay?
29:13See, gay guys will tell you whether or not they are, uh, how they feel about someone based
29:19on how they say they're not dating.
29:21It's true.
29:22We had two gay guys, like, are you two guys dating?
29:24They go, no.
29:25That means, actually, we never even thought about it.
29:27We're just not interested in each other.
29:28And then there's the one that goes, like, are you guys dating?
29:30Then one guy goes, no.
29:33That means I've been trying to fuck him for years and he will not let me break that seal,
29:37girl.
29:38And then there's my favorite one.
29:41This is the best one.
29:42When a gay guy goes, are you dating?
29:43He goes, no.
29:46No.
29:47No.
29:48That means we're both bottoms.
29:50It'll never work in a million years, girl.
29:54You're like, me and her?
30:01Did you ever play with Legos?
30:09Also, I mean, I'm somewhere on the spectrum of feminine and, it's funny, like, either drag
30:15I'm feminine, in drag I'm a fucking bro, all right, girl?
30:18I started off, at first I was like, I'm not going to do the extra gay stuff, but then it
30:22just slipped into my body.
30:24For example, the beginnings is, uh, girling, saying girl.
30:28You can have a whole conversation about girl.
30:29Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl.
30:37You can have a whole discussion just through girls, and then it becomes part of your real
30:41life, and then you start she-ing and her-ing.
30:44Oh, her?
30:45Oh, yeah, she thinks she's real cute tonight, honey.
30:48Oh, she was really feeling herself last night, honey.
30:52And then it goes to the next step, where you started girl-ing, she-ing, and her-ing inanimate
30:57objects, girl.
31:00I love your new car.
31:02She's cute, right?
31:05I got her on sale.
31:08She's everything.
31:12I do everything.
31:13My mom's like, did you call your father?
31:15I'm like, I talked to her.
31:16She's cool, girl.
31:21I'm a Francesca.
31:22I talked to her.
31:25Give it up for the cocktail waitress, getting you motherfuckers drunk.
31:30Who here is like, really, if you're wasted, make some noise.
31:37There's different levels of drunkenness, and you're probably thinking like, in perfect
31:40unison out loud.
31:41Bob, what are the different levels?
31:44Let me tell you right now, okay?
31:44The first level, tipsy, all right?
31:48Now, Bob, how do I know if I'm tipsy?
31:52But you're tipsy.
31:53This is tipsy, right?
31:54First of all, you do like this.
31:56You go, whoo, girl.
32:01You know what I need to do?
32:03I need to get another drink.
32:06Because I'm tipsy.
32:09The second level is drunk, all right?
32:13You guys are probably all wondering out loud and in unison.
32:16Bob, how do I know if I'm drunk?
32:20Drunk is this.
32:21You go, whoo.
32:25You know what I should do?
32:28I should go home.
32:32Because I'm drunk.
32:35The third level is called white girl wasted, ladies and gentlemen, all right?
32:43You're probably all wondering out loud and in unison.
32:46Bob, how do I know if I'm a white girl wasted?
32:50That one is this.
32:50You're up here, you do this.
32:51You're like, whoo.
32:58You know what I should do?
33:02I should call my ex.
33:06No, fuck it.
33:08I'm going straight to his house.
33:10You're going to break up with me on Facebook, motherfucker.
33:16I also love when the white girls feel like super tipsy because they are really thick.
33:20It's not, this is all girls, all right?
33:22Let me tell you, I am built for tough.
33:24I am what they call in Harlem an SLW, a suspiciously large woman, okay?
33:28I am built to hold a lot of weight.
33:31And this is normal.
33:32All the women in my family, this is how all the women in my family look.
33:35I am very, my grandma was six foot two.
33:37She was 350 pounds.
33:39She looked like Shrek dipped in chocolate, all right?
33:42My grandpa's nickname was Donkey up in this motherfucker, all right?
33:46So I am built to carry myself in heels.
33:49But girls are like, I'm going to feel my fantasy tonight.
33:52And then you see them leave the house at nine o'clock.
33:54They're like, yes, it's nine o'clock.
33:56I'm invincible.
33:58And then you see them at like 12 o'clock.
33:59And they're like, oh.
34:00I love it because they go from feeling fierce and they turn into a fucking Toronto's Rex.
34:04They're like, oh.
34:10And then you see the same girl later on that night walking down the street, shoes in hand.
34:15Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
34:24And they're trying to get the Uber.
34:26I'm on Peachtree Street and Peachtree Road between Peachtree Avenue and Peachtree Circle.
34:33Yeah, I'm right next to a Peachtree.
34:40That's also always the same drunk bitch.
34:43Why is it?
34:45Listen, although I am not a woman, I play one upwards of four nights a week.
34:51Why do women do this thing?
34:52I can never figure it out.
34:54Every girl, white girls always get drunk and they go to the diner.
34:58And at some point at three o'clock in the morning, every white girl will say the following words.
35:05Guys.
35:07Guys.
35:09If I order fries, who's going to help me eat them?
35:13Every single time.
35:18Every single time.
35:26I dare you to take a fat black woman's fries.
35:28I dare you, bitch.
35:32Touch my fries.
35:33You want to.
35:38And there are several people that, like, waiters in restaurants cannot stand.
35:43First of all, vegans.
35:43Every waiter hates vegans.
35:45Any waiters in the house?
35:46Waiters, bartenders, or former?
35:48Do you guys have any vegan options?
35:50Fuck this shit.
35:51God damn it.
35:52I'm out of here.
35:54They also, waiters hate fat black women.
35:57Fat black women are the meanest.
35:59These bitches are mean and nasty, girl.
36:02You know, the one who sit down and goes, y'all got free refills?
36:06Fuck this shit.
36:06I'm not getting no tips today.
36:08And whenever a fat black woman does like her food, she always says the same thing.
36:11Like, where everyone else would be like, you know, this was a little too salty.
36:15In fact, when I would do this, how was your food?
36:18It's nasty.
36:22Was it like a texture or a temper?
36:23It's nasty.
36:24It's nasty.
36:24It's nasty.
36:25Take it away, girl.
36:26But then the person that waiters hate more than anyone, this is like the number one enemy
36:30of waiters and bartenders, it is white moms.
36:37Girl, you know when you can tell a white mom is at her fucking wits end when she has lost
36:43and it's about to go down, when she says the following words.
36:49Well, this is ridiculous.
36:53Oh, somebody is getting fired tonight.
36:59And they start surveying the room.
37:01Was your food cold?
37:02A little way to give you attitude?
37:04How long did you wait for a table?
37:05This is ridiculous.
37:08And then they all say those magic words.
37:10Say it on three.
37:11One, two, three.
37:11Hey, can I speak to your hands, girl?
37:14I can't make this shit up.
37:19I can't make this shit up, girl.
37:23I'm still learning to trust white people.
37:25RuPaul's a little light-skinned for me.
37:26I don't know, girl.
37:30I'm like, I don't trust this girl.
37:31She's a little high yeller for my taste.
37:35Did you guys watch the election this past year?
37:37Of course you did.
37:38Everyone watched.
37:39I know.
37:40Exactly, girl.
37:42This was the wildest shit in the world.
37:44This whole election process felt like, it was embarrassing.
37:48It was just embarrassing.
37:50It felt like being in a crowded Ruby Tuesday and your family is just arguing in front of everybody.
37:54They're like, oh, you're embarrassing me.
37:56Please stop.
37:57Canada can see you.
37:59They are right there.
38:00Please don't embarrass me.
38:03And then the debates were, it wasn't the debates.
38:05It was the fucking Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion.
38:08Okay?
38:09They were just going off saying crazy shit.
38:12One of the best gems in the 2016 was this little line here.
38:17Such a nasty woman.
38:19I was like, I was there like, who's writing for him?
38:25Phaedra?
38:26What the fuck is going on, girl?
38:31The Hillary was like, fuck that.
38:33She had Bianca Del Rio writing for her.
38:34She was like, I got some comebacks too.
38:36The best one was where Hillary Clinton, I mean, it was straight up Atlanta Housewives.
38:41Donald Trump goes, what have you been doing for the past 20 years?
38:44And she went, oh.
38:46You know, you know when you're arguing with someone and you feel like being real petty?
38:50When you turn, when you turn into Patty LaBelle?
38:55When you were like, motherfucker, I got some shit on you.
38:59I've been waiting to say since you walked in the motherfucking door and you just gave me the ammunition to
39:06set you up.
39:07She goes, she goes, I would love to tell you what I've been doing for the past 20 years.
39:13That is verbatim.
39:15I would love to compare my 20 years to yours.
39:18When I was in China saying women's rights were human rights, you were grabbing pussies.
39:29She goes, when I was marching for African-Americans, you were denying them a place to live in Florida.
39:35And then she did my favorite line.
39:38She goes, and she was like drama.
39:40She goes, and when I was on the floor monitoring the attack that took down Osama bin Laden,
39:49you were hosting the celebrity apprentice.
39:53I was like, and the shade fell over the land.
40:13I was like, this is fucking a ridiculous girl.
40:16Let me get my big ass back up.
40:18Oh shit.
40:19Don't be looking at my Payless shoes.
40:22Throw stones on.
40:24We don't never know.
40:25I love shopping at Payless.
40:27Let me tell you why.
40:28Because they have really big shoes.
40:30And they have very low security.
40:34I'm like, you about to put both shoes in the box right on the shelf?
40:39Don't mind if I do.
40:42My footlocker has one shoe chained to the wall.
40:45You got to ask for the other one.
40:47Just holding it up like this and shit, girl.
40:50And I say, why pay more when you can just steal shit?
40:52You know what I'm saying, girl?
40:54Just walk right out the front fucking door.
40:56My grandma used to always say, white people steal.
40:59It's true.
41:00White people do steal.
41:01You're thinking, white people don't steal.
41:02White people steal.
41:04Now, you may be thinking to yourself, yeah, black folks steal too.
41:07I might steal your bike or your TV.
41:09But white people steal people, okay?
41:13I don't know if y'all remember how that story went down.
41:17The white folks like, don't mention our past.
41:21You ratting us out, bitch.
41:24My big ass is sweating like a hookah at church.
41:27We're like Latrice Royale on a cool winter day.
41:35She is huge.
41:42Her blood type is Dr. Pepper.
41:49You know what I'm thinking about the election, really?
41:52It was the inauguration.
41:54Now, you got to think, why did you let the inauguration?
41:56Because something's changed for me.
41:57It is no longer resting bitch face.
41:59It is now resting Michelle Obama at the inauguration phase.
42:07Michelle Obama, she can't hide it.
42:10She can't fucking hide it.
42:11You remember when Melania walked up to her and Melania was like,
42:14I would like to bring back the gifts for you that you'll give me.
42:18What the fuck are you saying?
42:19It's called Hooked on Phonics, bitch.
42:21If I can do it, you can do it, girl.
42:23She walks up and Michelle Obama's like,
42:32Oh, this shit.
42:35You remember this meme?
42:39That's Michelle Obama.
42:40I was like, Michelle Obama, she couldn't fake it.
42:42She tried, she said, I want to be nice.
42:44That's how black women are.
42:46That's how my...
42:46Mom, where you at?
42:47Mom, stand up.
42:49Pick up Martha Caldwell.
42:53Martha Caldwell.
43:00She passed me through her womb.
43:04And that's how...
43:05And I was the same height.
43:06I was five pounds lighter.
43:07I did gain some weight.
43:08I did gain some weight.
43:09That's how a black woman...
43:10A black woman can't hide it.
43:11I think the reason why I'm good at what I do
43:12is because my mom is shady, too.
43:15Like, I would be like,
43:16Mom, would you come see me in a play?
43:17Then she'd be like,
43:18Is it a musical?
43:21And I'd be like,
43:22Yeah.
43:22She'd be like,
43:23Oof.
43:24At the show, she'd be like,
43:25You was a little flat on that one note,
43:27but hey, you did your best, I guess.
43:29And I was like,
43:30Well, girl, I gotta switch it up next time.
43:32Martha Caldwell gonna come read me, honey.
43:34She's my toughest critic.
43:36Miss Martha from Mississippi.
43:37My whole family's from Mississippi.
43:39And you may have heard,
43:39Yeah, Martha.
43:40My mom has an old lady name.
43:43When you're Martha,
43:44you're born 45 years old, all right?
43:47Because you have been like,
43:48This is my baby, Martha.
43:51She loves crocheting, knitting,
43:53and golden girls.
43:56All my aunts have old lady names.
43:58I have an old Felicia.
44:00My mom's name is Martha.
44:01I have another name, Debra.
44:03I have another name, Hazel.
44:04Old witch names, all right?
44:06And then the generation beneath that,
44:08we all got white names,
44:09like Chris, Justin, Amanda, Angela, Ashley.
44:13I have a cousin named Bentley.
44:16He sounds like a fucking butler to Batman, all right?
44:20Bentley, pull the car around, please.
44:24Also, I love to point out, too,
44:25like, I look like the ladies in my family,
44:27just a rough version.
44:28Like, my beauty is based on, like,
44:30how far I am from you.
44:32Like, for example,
44:33like, if I'm way back here,
44:34like, look at me.
44:35Look at me.
44:36Ooh.
44:39This is like, you know,
44:43Lupita and Younger.
44:47It's like Viola Davis.
44:52And then you're like,
44:54wait,
44:56Whoopi Goldberg?
44:58And you're like, what?
45:01Oh, Wesley Snipes and 2-1-Fu.
45:03Work, girl.
45:04Work.
45:06Like my nails.
45:11Noxzema.
45:12Noxzema Boel.
45:13Also, can I tell you, too,
45:14what I love most about being gay?
45:16Yes, I bounce around.
45:17What I love most about being gay is this.
45:18Gay guys have so much power.
45:20Everyone makes fun of the bottoms.
45:21Bottoms are the ones with the power.
45:23That's where the power really comes.
45:24It's true.
45:25Because bottoms have,
45:27bottoms get to determine
45:28whether or not you're having sex.
45:30Oh, yeah.
45:31And they will tell you
45:32when the appetizers come, right?
45:34If they like you,
45:35they're like, they're feeling it.
45:36Wait, what do you have?
45:38Iceberg lettuce salad.
45:41That's when he's feeling it.
45:43But I'm not feeling it.
45:44He's like,
45:45clam chowder,
45:48macaroni and cheese,
45:50and pané a la vodka.
45:53Wash it down with a mudslide.
45:56This motherfucker is lame as fuck.
46:03I'm looking like Michelle Obama
46:05the whole time, girl.
46:08Before I go,
46:09I want to talk to you guys
46:10about one really important thing.
46:12How many straight women are here?
46:13Straight women.
46:15That is a straight girl call,
46:16by the way.
46:18By the way,
46:19this is a secret.
46:20Men hate that noise.
46:22Woo!
46:23Dick shrivels up and falls off,
46:25all right?
46:25Every single time, girl.
46:28Now, let me tell you
46:29the greatest gift
46:30you can get
46:30from your gay friends.
46:31And it's not fashion.
46:33It's not snarky comebacks.
46:35It is this.
46:37Blowjob techniques.
46:39It's true.
46:41Honestly,
46:41I don't know what
46:42they call it a job.
46:42Feels like fun to me, girl.
46:44All right?
46:47And the truth is,
46:48straight girls,
46:49lesbians,
46:50close your ears.
46:52Feels like two lesbians.
46:53How many lesbians are here?
46:56How many of you lesbians
46:57have cats?
46:59It's the exact same number.
47:00I love it.
47:01And lesbians always name
47:02their cats human names.
47:03What is that?
47:04It's like,
47:05these are our cats,
47:05Elizabeth and Brandon.
47:08You're a lesbian?
47:10What's your lesbian name?
47:13My name's Rachel.
47:14Rachel.
47:16My name is Bob.
47:17It's nice to meet you.
47:18Do you have a girlfriend here?
47:20Oh,
47:21look how possessive she is.
47:22That's amazing, girl.
47:24Do you guys have a cat?
47:25No.
47:26No?
47:27What the fuck
47:28is going on in Atlanta?
47:30Are you all just
47:33homo fluid?
47:34That's the new term
47:35these days, girl.
47:36That's a new term
47:37of everything.
47:38LGTBQIA,
47:39LMLP,
47:39QVC,
47:40AC,
47:40DC,
47:41CVS,
47:42Walgreens.
47:42I don't fucking
47:43know anymore, girl.
47:45I just call myself
47:46queer.
47:46Queer is,
47:47I'm like,
47:47listen,
47:47I'm fucking queer.
47:48I'm a queer
47:48motherfucker.
47:50It's true.
47:52I feel like
47:53there's a really strong,
47:54there's a strength
47:55to the term queer.
47:56It just feels
47:57fucking powerful,
47:58doesn't it?
47:59You're a lesbian?
48:00No,
48:00you just raised your hand.
48:01What's your name,
48:02though?
48:03Your name,
48:04you,
48:04with the curly hair.
48:05Megan.
48:06Oh,
48:06that's a cat's name.
48:07Anyway,
48:07listen.
48:10You're straight,
48:11Megan?
48:11I'm going to teach you
48:12how to suck dick,
48:13all right?
48:13This is very important.
48:14Now,
48:15if you're sucking dick
48:15and it looks anything
48:16like you've seen
48:17in a movie
48:17or a pornographic film,
48:18you're doing it wrong
48:19off the bat.
48:21Sucking dick,
48:22dick sucking
48:23is not a,
48:23it's not a spectator sport,
48:24all right,
48:25ladies and gentlemen.
48:26It is a one-on-one,
48:28no one else around.
48:29In fact,
48:29sucking dick
48:30should be a lot
48:30like eating buffalo wings,
48:32all right?
48:34Like,
48:35your eyes
48:35should be watering,
48:37your nose
48:38should be running,
48:39you should be coughing,
48:41you should be like,
48:42run,
48:42run,
48:42run.
48:51Oh,
48:51my God.
48:56No,
48:56I'm loving,
48:57this is great,
48:57this is great.
48:59This is the highlight
49:00of my night,
49:01it really is,
49:01it really is.
49:06It is like,
49:07you're speaking my truth,
49:09you know my life.
49:14Can I get a wet nap?
49:15Can I get a wet nap?
49:17Shut up.
49:18All right,
49:18I'm just going to see you.
49:21Before I go,
49:22I want to say this,
49:23this is something
49:23I mentioned out here,
49:24okay?
49:24I get to be on
49:25RuPaul's Drag Race,
49:26this show changed
49:26my fucking life,
49:27it really changed my life,
49:28and there's something
49:29RuPaul says all the time
49:30that really works for me,
49:31and I want to tell it to you
49:32as I leave today,
49:32okay?
49:33Listen to me,
49:34if you can't love yourself,
49:36I understand,
49:36because you're a fucking asshole.
49:38My name is Bob the Dragway,
49:39and have a good night,
49:40everybody,
49:40peace!
49:43It is an object that I want
49:44to do carry an evening bag
49:46of dead of fire.
49:47You see the world
49:48I watch Atlanta,
49:50you see the world
49:51I watch the night,
49:52you see the world
49:53in LA.
49:55You're a wonderful place.
49:56You see the big straight
49:57to no solid like me
49:58myeurs was barred
49:59when three is death
50:00over there,
50:01I walk away now
50:02the drives
50:02and family downs
50:03if they need y' carne
50:04I know it's not,
50:05no, no, no, no,
50:07it's not,
50:07I'm a little bit
50:07but I turn in the wall
50:08and now who's the pieces
50:09of the wall?
50:11That was nerve wracking.
50:13Right?
50:14You did great.
50:15Did I?
50:16Yes.
50:16on your backites
50:27Oh
50:59They are so embarrassed. I'm going to introduce mom. I get to bully you this time. She's acting like she's
51:07shy
51:08Always known as I would say my mom worked at Morris Brown, you know the all-black college university
51:14She worked at Morris Brown, and they still called her the mean black lady
51:19Everybody was black. It's the mean black lady. This is my mother. Miss Martha Caldwell ladies down
51:25Come on up come on up all the way from current Mississippi
51:35This is my brother. This is why I'm considered light-skinned because of Justin Caldwell ladies and gentlemen
51:42So my what my dad is here, too. Oh my god
51:45This is my father's first time ever seeing me perform ever Frank Bridget. Where you at Frank? Come on over
51:50here y'all. This is my father
51:56We have some country motherfuckers my dad's from Alabama my mom's with and they say my daddy Alabama
52:01My mom from Mississippi you mix that Negro with that Negro ain't no fucking with me ladies and gentlemen, all
52:06right?
52:07This is my family give them a big rep. Thank you so much for coming out supporting me and all
52:10that I do
52:11I love you my mommy just to own a drag queen club in Columbus, Georgia years ago
52:16My name is Bob the drag we're gonna take it away
52:50That's all good, that's your host
52:51You can see like you can feel it. You felt right. Well, you're doing some food
52:56That's your host, right
53:05How was it seeing your dad here?
53:07It was, I mean, it was crazy.
53:10My father's never seen him before, ever.
53:12This is my father's first time seeing me on stage.
53:15This is your first time seeing him in 10 years.
53:18Yeah.
53:29Did you know he was here before you saw him in the audience?
53:36Come on, let's go to dad's ear.
53:49I felt, yeah, I felt so good.
53:51Hey, baby.
53:52Fantastic.
53:53Did you have fun?
53:54I did, you were amazing.
53:55Thank you so much.
54:02The Jungle feels like my head plan to a home bar.
54:05We love having you here.
54:06We really, really love you.
54:07I fucking love it here.
54:08Girl, this is the only bar that would hire a drag queen named Bob.
54:19For me, Bob has become a nickname, and this is just my working uniform that I serve in.
54:24Stabulous.
54:25And, you know, serve is so funny, because serve works for like, serve.
54:28But also, like, I feel like I'm serving the people.
54:40You are so funny.
54:43Man, when I tell you, you are so funny.
54:54I mean, I guess if the shirt says cut on it, it says UNT, and then you put your hand
54:59on
54:59your hip, and then it spells out, and it is very vulgar, but it's my brother.
55:05This is the shirt right here.
55:05You got it right there.
55:16But, Chris, I'm going to miss you when you're leaving tomorrow.
55:19I'm coming back.
55:20You know what I mean?
55:20Because when you left the house, just, they look like, just, like, just, life will suck
55:23out of the house.
55:24Well, I'll be back.
55:25You bring your wife.
55:27And just stay home long, bro.
55:29They don't work every day.
55:36My mom was very protective.
55:38She would have admit this, but when we were younger, Justin's first job was at Taco Bell.
55:42And my mom is so protective.
55:44What do you think she did?
55:45Did she go, like, check on him every once in a while?
55:49No.
55:50My mother got a job at Taco Bell and worked all the same shifts as my brother.
55:56I worked for two months.
55:57I was trying to make sure she wanted to buy a bottle.
55:58I know.
56:10I was trying to make sure she wanted to buy a bottle.