- 2 days ago
Philosopher Stefan Molyneux reveals the truth about the false self, which forms when kids learn that showing real feelings or doubts brings punishment, rejection, or contempt from parents and adults. He says facing that buried pain instead of hiding behind the mask is the only way to stop the denial and live honestly.
0:00:00 The False Self
0:04:38 The Weirdness of Adults
0:07:19 Home as a Trap
0:12:33 Society Demands the Mask
0:18:08 Child Abuse and Silence
0:21:48 Denying Pain for Relief
0:25:23 Society Protects Abusers
0:30:06 How We Treat Weird Kids
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0:00:00 The False Self
0:04:38 The Weirdness of Adults
0:07:19 Home as a Trap
0:12:33 Society Demands the Mask
0:18:08 Child Abuse and Silence
0:21:48 Denying Pain for Relief
0:25:23 Society Protects Abusers
0:30:06 How We Treat Weird Kids
GET FREEDOMAIN MERCH! https://shop.freedomain.com/
SUBSCRIBE TO ME ON X! https://x.com/StefanMolyneux
Follow me on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@freedomain1
GET MY NEW BOOK 'PEACEFUL PARENTING', THE INTERACTIVE PEACEFUL PARENTING AI, AND THE FULL AUDIOBOOK!
https://peacefulparenting.com/
Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!
Subscribers get 12 HOURS on the "Truth About the French Revolution," multiple interactive multi-lingual philosophy AIs trained on thousands of hours of my material - as well as AIs for Real-Time Relationships, Bitcoin, Peaceful Parenting, and Call-In Shows!
You also receive private livestreams, HUNDREDS of exclusive premium shows, early release podcasts, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series and much more!
See you soon!
https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/FREEDOMAIN2026
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LearningTranscript
00:00All right, everybody, hope you're doing well.
00:01So if I'm all in you from
00:05freedomain.com
00:06freedomain.com slash donate to help
00:07out philosophy,
00:10the most important discipline
00:11in the world
00:13ever. And this is the best philosophy
00:15conversation not only
00:17the world has ever seen,
00:19the world is seeing, but that the world will ever see
00:22because after this
00:23and because of this,
00:26everything is improved.
00:27But we are the first to break through the ice.
00:30Of superstition,
00:32relativism, subjectivism
00:33and nihilism. And come to
00:36rational ethics and practical
00:38virtues. So
00:39I was talking in
00:41a podcast recently about
00:43the false
00:45self. And
00:48I could feel
00:49my tentacles of brain,
00:52my brain tentacles,
00:53wrapping themselves around
00:56the topic, but not
00:58clenching it properly.
00:59Yeah, you know, you kind of,
01:01you know, when you,
01:02you just know you're going to throw the ball
01:04not quite too well.
01:05Or in, if you've ever played
01:06racquet sports, you know,
01:08with, when you're just about to hit it,
01:10that it's not going to kind of
01:10go as well as you want.
01:12So I had that feeling
01:13for a variety of reasons.
01:14I'm not sure why.
01:15I'm only in,
01:16I'm only somewhat in control
01:18of my brain.
01:19It's a sort of,
01:20it's a partnership.
01:21I ask, it offers,
01:23and sometimes I ask wrong,
01:24or it doesn't offer in the right way.
01:26So I wanted to spend a few minutes
01:28talking about
01:29the false self,
01:30because it's very important.
01:32Very important.
01:34And hopefully,
01:35we will get our tentacles
01:36all the way
01:37around it
01:38and squeeze
01:39the truth
01:40out of its
01:41innards and bone marrow.
01:42So,
01:43the false
01:45self.
01:46So the false self
01:47is generated
01:48when honesty
01:49is punished
01:50in
01:52early childhood relationships.
01:54Obviously,
01:55parental
01:55and so on, right?
01:57So when honesty,
01:58authenticity,
02:00truth,
02:01and openness
02:02is punished,
02:04then
02:05you are not allowed
02:06to be
02:07yourself,
02:08you are not allowed
02:10to spontaneously
02:10express yourself,
02:12and you are
02:14given love
02:15for self-rejection,
02:17or at least
02:17you're given
02:17the appearance of love,
02:19for self-rejection
02:20or self-control,
02:21and
02:22you are punished
02:23for the authentic
02:25and honest expression
02:27of
02:28your true
02:29thoughts
02:30and feelings.
02:31So,
02:31a typical example
02:33would be
02:33if
02:35you're bitterly
02:36disappointed
02:36about something
02:37as a child,
02:38which, you know,
02:39is going to happen,
02:40then
02:40you will cry.
02:42And
02:43for a lot of parents,
02:45there's a certain
02:46amount of,
02:47okay, it's fine,
02:48you can cry,
02:48but then
02:49there's this sort of
02:50countdown, right?
02:51Like you're allowed
02:52to cry,
02:53but not for too long.
02:55Okay, that's enough,
02:57that's enough,
02:57right?
02:58If the authentic
03:01expression
03:02of your true feelings
03:03is met with
03:04hostility,
03:05impatience,
03:06resistance,
03:07contempt,
03:08anger,
03:08aggression,
03:09rejection,
03:10and so on,
03:10then
03:11you get the message
03:13that
03:14the honest expression
03:16of your true thoughts
03:17and feelings
03:17is a negative
03:19which will get you
03:20punished.
03:22And that's
03:23the genesis
03:24or the beginning
03:25of
03:25the false
03:26self.
03:28If you are
03:29a child
03:29of religious parents
03:31and you express
03:32some level
03:34of skepticism
03:35regarding
03:36religion,
03:37then that is
03:39a sin
03:40and that is
03:41bad
03:41and
03:42there may be
03:43some
03:45genial
03:46sort of
03:48superior
03:48sort of
03:49patience
03:49for a couple
03:51of questions,
03:51but if you keep
03:52asking questions
03:53then that becomes
03:55unacceptable
03:56and it's bad
03:57and it's wrong
03:58and so on,
03:59right?
04:00So where did God
04:01come from?
04:02Blah, blah, blah
04:02and so on,
04:04right?
04:04Or
04:05my prayers
04:06weren't answered,
04:06I don't know,
04:08I really asked
04:08and nothing came back
04:10or, you know,
04:11I don't really feel
04:12what other people
04:13are feeling
04:14when they say
04:15they feel this stuff
04:15regarding religion
04:16or prayer or something.
04:17So if you're sort of
04:18honest about
04:19these things,
04:21it's condescending,
04:22this is what I was
04:22thinking of,
04:23I don't know why
04:23my brain is not
04:24working as long,
04:25I sure will get there.
04:26So there's this
04:27sort of condescending,
04:28okay, yeah,
04:28you can ask a couple
04:30of questions,
04:30sure,
04:31but if you continue
04:32to ask questions
04:33then it becomes
04:35unacceptable and bad
04:36and wrong,
04:38right?
04:38So another typical
04:39example is
04:41you have
04:42Aunt Edna
04:43and Aunt Edna
04:44is just kind of odd.
04:47You know,
04:47maybe she
04:48smells,
04:49maybe she doesn't
04:50take care of her teeth,
04:52maybe she's got
04:53a whole bunch of
04:54bristles
04:54on her chin
04:55that poke you
04:56when
04:58she kisses you
04:59and so on.
05:00Like maybe
05:01there's just
05:02a bunch of stuff
05:03that is negative
05:05or odd
05:06or bad.
05:07Maybe her place
05:08smells,
05:09maybe she's got
05:09plastic on the couches
05:10or something like that
05:12and
05:14your sense
05:15of
05:16oddness
05:17is kind of
05:17activated as a kid,
05:18right?
05:18This sort of
05:19uncanny valley stuff
05:20where somebody
05:20seems like a regular
05:22old person
05:22but there's something
05:23awry or odd
05:24or strange about them
05:25and you have
05:26that sort of instinct
05:27and maybe you
05:28recall from her
05:29a little bit
05:30or maybe you've got
05:31that uncle
05:32who's way too jovial
05:33and hearty
05:33and hugs too tight
05:34and is loud
05:36and so on
05:37and there's something
05:38I remember
05:39there was a
05:40a man
05:41my daughter met
05:41when
05:42she was very young
05:43who was like
05:44hey
05:45and it came in
05:45just like a
05:47like a battering ram
05:48of hypergeniality
05:49and so on
05:50and he had a mustache
05:51and there's actually
05:52put a rainbow on me
05:54as a show
05:54as a song
05:55that she was
05:55singing
05:56when she was very little
05:58and she said
05:59I love
05:59you know
06:00my friends names
06:01and so on
06:01I love
06:02my friends
06:03I love everybody
06:04but not the men
06:05with mustaches
06:06she was very
06:07you know
06:08and so her experience
06:09was that there was
06:10something negative
06:12about
06:13that interaction
06:14and
06:14that is
06:15fine
06:16I mean
06:17I'm not going to
06:17tell her she's wrong
06:18I mean
06:19it's not necessarily
06:20an association
06:21with mustaches
06:22but I'm certainly
06:23not going to say
06:23that she should have
06:25a positive experience
06:26when
06:27she is not
06:29having
06:30a
06:31positive experience
06:32right
06:33I'm not going to
06:33tell her
06:33if she's wrong
06:34about that
06:34she had a negative
06:35experience
06:35and so on
06:36right
06:37so
06:39also
06:39I don't want
06:40to go to school
06:41I don't like school
06:42I don't want to go to school
06:43and so on
06:44and then maybe
06:44oh why don't you want
06:45to go to school
06:46well the teacher is mean
06:47well maybe she's
06:48like so you're allowed
06:49again there's a certain
06:50amount of
06:51condescending
06:52disagreement
06:53that is not
06:55acted upon
06:56but is solicited
06:58if that makes sense
06:59right
07:00so
07:01oh why don't you
07:02like this
07:02or why don't you
07:03like Aunt Edna
07:03or you know
07:04why do you think
07:05God didn't answer
07:06your prayers
07:06or that kind of stuff
07:07right
07:07and well sometimes
07:08God works in
07:09mysterious ways
07:10and right
07:11so you get these
07:11kind of non-answers
07:12and the kids
07:13kind of understand
07:13that they're
07:14non-answers
07:15and the kids
07:17aren't as satisfied
07:19and so you sort of
07:20have these thoughts
07:21and
07:21these feelings
07:23about people
07:25like my mom
07:26had friends
07:27that I didn't like
07:29they were
07:30complete oddballs
07:32I don't know
07:32if you've spent
07:33much time
07:33or been around
07:34people who are
07:34just really
07:36disturbed
07:36and everything
07:38goes through
07:38this weird filter
07:39and you can never
07:40have any kind
07:40of direct connection
07:41with their personality
07:42and everything
07:43is clammy
07:45and desperate
07:45and manipulative
07:46and bizarre
07:48and so on
07:49like I remember
07:50she had a friend
07:51who was over
07:52one night
07:53when I was not
07:54particularly old
07:55I was pretty young
07:57and she was drunk
07:59and she didn't want
08:00to
08:01she ended up being
08:03like a sleepover
08:04or something like
08:04there was going
08:05to be a sleepover
08:06and that was kind
08:07of inadvertent
08:08because she was drunk
08:09and then she wouldn't
08:10go to bed
08:10and she just
08:11you know
08:12it was just a mess
08:13and she kept making
08:13all these crass jokes
08:15and it was just
08:16it was just
08:17strange and bad
08:18and I did not
08:19enjoy it
08:20I do not like
08:21I do not want
08:22and so on
08:24and so
08:25as a result
08:27what happened was
08:28I just didn't like her
08:29didn't want to be around her
08:30didn't want to do it
08:31didn't want to have her
08:32over again
08:32and so on
08:33but of course
08:34my mom was sort of
08:35desperate for distractions
08:36from the horrors
08:37of her own personality
08:38and history
08:38and so I just had to
08:40sort of put up with it
08:41and deal with it
08:42oh when my mom
08:43would date guys
08:43and I didn't like
08:45the guys
08:46because I knew
08:46it was going to be
08:47like the guy would be over
08:48and I would know
08:50that it would only be
08:51for a week or two
08:53or a month or two
08:54at best
08:55and I didn't want
08:56to get to know them
08:57and I didn't like them
08:58in particular
08:59because I mean
09:00even though I was young
09:02I was aware
09:03that these men
09:04were not interested
09:06in my mom
09:07because of the qualities
09:08of her personality
09:09or the robustness
09:11and virtue
09:12of her spirit
09:13right
09:14they were there
09:14because she was
09:16slim and pretty
09:18right
09:18that's what these men
09:19were there for
09:20and so I didn't have
09:22any respect for the men
09:23and didn't like them
09:25and didn't want
09:25to get to know them
09:26but of course
09:27I was not in any way
09:28shape or form
09:29allowed
09:30to have
09:31any negative thoughts
09:33or experiences
09:34with regards
09:35to these men
09:36I was not allowed
09:37to show any indifference
09:38or any
09:39god forbid
09:40hostility
09:41or like I had
09:42to smile
09:42and be nice
09:43and I had to put
09:44on fake stuff
09:45I had to put
09:46on fake stuff
09:47and if I didn't
09:49do that
09:49then
09:50I would have
09:52been of course
09:52attacked
09:54and punished
09:55and so on
09:56right
09:56so it was not
09:58safe
09:59in fact it was
09:59very dangerous
10:00to have my own
10:01thoughts
10:02or experiences
10:03or
10:05preferences
10:05in fact my mother
10:07also got quite mad
10:09very mad at me
10:10when I got into
10:12philosophy
10:12and in particular
10:13with regards to
10:14objectivism
10:15and
10:17she got mad
10:18because she said
10:19you know
10:20I felt that you
10:21replaced me
10:22with philosophy
10:23or you
10:23Ayn Rand
10:24you replaced me
10:25with Ayn Rand
10:26or something like that
10:27right
10:27which is
10:29obviously
10:31kind of strange
10:32to think about
10:33even in hindsight
10:34it's like
10:35well
10:35if
10:36I'm not able
10:37to get any food
10:40then
10:40I'm gonna have to
10:41get food
10:42somewhere else
10:43right
10:43so if
10:44my mother is not
10:45cooking for me
10:46and there's no food
10:47in the house
10:47then
10:48I'm gonna have to
10:49find food
10:50somewhere else
10:51and then
10:51well I feel like
10:52you're just replacing me
10:53with so and so's mom
10:54who feeds you
10:54it's like
10:55well if you fed me
10:56then I wouldn't need
10:57to go and get my food
10:58elsewhere
10:59right
10:59so
10:59given that I was not
11:01getting any moral
11:01instruction at home
11:02in fact quite the opposite
11:04everything was modeled
11:04terribly
11:05and I very much
11:06remember
11:07I remember being
11:0711 or so
11:09and I got angry
11:10and frustrated
11:11at something
11:12and
11:13I had a little
11:15car
11:16track
11:16like these little
11:17plastic
11:18car tracks
11:19that would go together
11:19and you'd get your car
11:20and you'd put it
11:21in the little slot
11:22and the electricity
11:23would go to the car
11:23and the car would go around
11:25and I got frustrated
11:26or angry
11:27because I don't think
11:27the car slots were working
11:28and I twisted
11:29and pulled them apart
11:30and I remember
11:31going to my mom
11:32and saying
11:32you know
11:32I have this
11:33frustration
11:34or this anger
11:35like what should I do
11:36because I wanted
11:37to get some feedback
11:38and I got
11:39absolutely nothing
11:39of utility
11:40and of course
11:41going to my mother
11:42for help
11:43on
11:44anger
11:45was
11:46not
11:47not wise
11:48let's just
11:49let's just put it that way
11:51not wise
11:53so
11:54I couldn't even be honest
11:56about
11:56any of that
11:57I was very much
11:58into Pink Floyd's
11:59album
11:59The Wall
12:01and
12:02nobody ever asked me
12:04why would such a
12:05morbid and macabre
12:06album be of interest
12:07to me
12:08and none of my
12:09friends
12:09none of my
12:09friends' parents
12:10and so on
12:11and I mentioned this
12:13in a call-in show
12:13recently
12:13like I was drawing
12:14zombie heads
12:15with hanging eyeballs
12:16and torn out
12:17teeth
12:18and cheeks
12:20hanging
12:20and blood
12:21everywhere
12:21and so on
12:22repeatedly
12:22on my
12:24friend's
12:25blackboard
12:25in his basement
12:26and people
12:27around
12:27and so on
12:28and nothing
12:29like no
12:30no
12:31no curiosity
12:32no questions
12:32no
12:32no nothing
12:33so
12:34it's not just
12:35within the house
12:36that
12:37the false self
12:38has to be erected
12:40right
12:40because
12:41it is
12:43in society
12:43as a whole
12:44that
12:45the false self
12:47is needed
12:48right
12:49because
12:50society
12:50as a whole
12:51doesn't want to hear
12:53about
12:54your difficulties
12:55or your troubles
12:57that's sort of a
12:58I mean certainly
12:58maybe it's a white male
12:59thing or something
13:00like that
13:00but society
13:01as a whole
13:02does not want to hear
13:02about your
13:03difficulties
13:04and your troubles
13:04and your problems
13:06and the teachers
13:06don't want to hear
13:07about your difficulties
13:08at home
13:08and your friends
13:09don't want to hear
13:10about your difficulties
13:10at home
13:11and your friends'
13:12parents don't want to
13:12hear about your
13:13difficulties at home
13:14and certainly
13:15your own immediate
13:16parents or even
13:16your distant parents
13:17as the case with me
13:18with my father in Africa
13:19did not want to hear
13:20about my troubles
13:20at home
13:21your aunts
13:21your uncles
13:22don't want to hear
13:22about your
13:23troubles at home. Right, so nobody wants to hear about your troubles at home. So at home, you have
13:28to fake what you think and feel in order to gain security from punishment, at least in the short
13:36run, and also out in society. You have to pretend to be better than you are doing, because otherwise
13:46you will be marked attacked, ostracized, and rejected. Like if you go to school and you're
13:52depressed and hollowed out and frightened and screwed up and so on, well, you have to hide all
14:00of that, because then you become like the weirdo kids. You have to put on this mask of normalcy
14:05in order to have any access to friends, right? Because you're desperate to get out of your house,
14:11but you can't get out of your house without social contacts. And if you're honest about
14:19what's going on in your house, then you can't go over to friends' places, because they'll think
14:26you're weird. And there was some extremely weird stuff going on in my house, like seriously,
14:34dangerously weird stuff going on in my house, stuff I haven't even talked about, doesn't matter
14:40too much. I'm sure you can guess the content. But there was some really dangerous, weird, bad,
14:44creepy stuff going on in my house, and I can't talk about it. Because if I talk about it, then
14:50I'm going to be ostracized by friends, and then I have to go home more. I don't want to go
14:56home more.
14:58So you have to pretend to be cool and fun and funny. And it's not like I wasn't cool and
15:03fun and
15:03funny. There was that aspect to things for sure. But it's not particularly real in its sort of
15:09essentials. It's not particularly real in its essentials. And it's not particularly real
15:14over time, because there are times when some really bad negative stuff would happen, and it
15:21would be, you know, shocking and difficult and dangerous. And I couldn't say anything. My friends
15:26never asked, my friends' parents never asked, teachers never asked, priests never asked, extended
15:30family never asked, my father never asked. So you just had to shut up and swallow it, and then
15:37pretend, in many ways, to be the opposite of who you were and what was happening. The only thing
15:44that I could sort of imagine is, I'm trying to think of a good way to put it. It would
15:52be like
15:52if you went to school with fire ants in your underpants. I know this sounds kind of goofy,
15:59but just imagine, like for real, you had fire ants in your underpants, and you couldn't say to
16:05anyone, or reveal to anyone, or have anyone even guess that there were fire ants in your underpants.
16:12What you had to do was pretend there were no fire ants in your underpants, but you couldn't even do
16:19that, because that would be to acknowledge but pretend otherwise. You had to pretend there was no such
16:26thing in the universe as fire ants. Even though they're crawling around your nether regions, you know,
16:33biting your testicles in your butt, and so on, right? Crawling under your foreskin and all. So
16:40you are in that situation. You got ants crawling all over you and biting you, and you can't show a
16:47thing, and you have to be witty and funny and positive and so on. Because if you don't do that,
16:55then you'll end up with even more fire ants, right? It'd be like, well, if you go, if you go
17:02to your
17:03friend's houses, then the fire ants calm down, and they won't bite you for a while. But you're only
17:09going to get invited to your friend's houses if you truly get everyone to believe there's no such
17:16thing as fire ants. So this is a messed up situation for reality processing, right? Because you're
17:23having your balls bitten off with these red-hot pincers, like these horrible pincers, you got
17:28your balls getting bitten off, and you got to pretend that there's no such thing as fire ants.
17:37And the best way to pretend that there's no such thing as fire ants is to truly believe that there's
17:44no such thing as fire ants. So you have to completely dissociate from your body. You have to numb yourself.
17:50And when the horrible sensations of being bitten in your nether regions filter through to your
17:59consciousness, you have to wildly push it away. Because the moment that you say how I'm being
18:03bitten, you get bitten a whole lot more and you never get any relief. And that's what society demands.
18:09Society demands that the victims of child abuse shut up about it. Don't talk about it. Because to talk
18:17about it, reveals that society is kind of evil. Because society claims to care about children,
18:25but the last thing that society wants is for children to actually complain. Right? Because
18:32there's all these people who are like, ah, refugees welcome, and we got to help the children in Africa,
18:36we got to do this. But the moment that somebody in their friend group says, I'm being abused or
18:40neglected at home, everybody gets real uncomfortable and doesn't want to talk about it.
18:44And then you'll be ostracized. And then you, by being ostracized, you have to spend more and more
18:51time at home being abused, beaten up, neglected. Like I had friends with cottages. And I was extremely
19:00desperate to get invitations to those cottages. And so when I would get invitations to the cottages,
19:07I would be an absolutely fantastic guest. I would try and tell funny stories. I would bring up
19:14interesting topics. I worked like a dog on these cottages, because there's always something to do
19:21with a cottage. I would dig up and help move outhouses. I would dig wells. I would chop wood.
19:26I would do almost anything and everything with no complaint and with enthusiasm to make my stay up at
19:32these cottages as positive as humanly possible for everyone involved, so that I got sometimes two,
19:40sometimes even three days away from my home. Now, when I got to go and work up north,
19:47gold panning prospecting for a year and a half, I was happy about that too, because it was way better
19:56being in a tent in minus 40 degree weather than it was being at home. It was better slogging my
20:03way
20:03through deep snow drifts in snowshoes with 80 pounds of drill bits on my back than it was being
20:08at home. So I made sure I did a really good job and didn't get fired, right? Because being fired
20:16meant being home. It's the same thing with working, right? I didn't want to be home. If I'm working,
20:21I get the double benefit of not being at home because I'm working and then also having some
20:26money to go out and not be at home because I've got some money to spend, because if I'm broke,
20:30I'm kind of home, especially as I sort of moved on in my teen years. So I was a very
20:36enthusiastic
20:37and positive and helpful and hard worker. It was the same thing with dating. When I was dating,
20:47I very rarely had my dates over at my house for reasons that you can completely imagine.
20:51because it was a sort of low rent, pathetic mess. And it was not so bad, of course, when my
21:00mother
21:00was gone. It was about the age of 15 onwards. But then she came back. She just kind of showed
21:05up
21:06back later. But if I dated, I get to go out on dates, which means not being at home. And
21:12also,
21:13I get to go over to my girlfriend's place, which was, you know, she's living at home as a teenager,
21:20right? So I get to go over to my girlfriend's parents' place. Always, always, always much nicer
21:27than mine. So even the dating had all of this. But I couldn't tell anyone about any of this.
21:33Because the moment you say why you're doing something, you can't do it anymore. The moment
21:40you admit the existence of fire ants, you never get any relief. And they just bite and bite more and
21:46more and more. So the false self is, the only way I get relief from pain is pretending there's no
21:56such
21:57thing as pain. The only way I get relief from abuse and violence and neglect and craziness
22:04is to pretend everything's great. Everything's fine. Everything wonderful. Everything's perfect.
22:09I have no problems. If I admit I have problems, my problems multiply and I never get any relief from
22:15them. If I pretend I have no problems, I get some relief from my problems. I mean, that's effed up,
22:21right? That is completely messed up. But that is, you know, those of you, my fellow warriors who
22:28survived violence, neglect, abuse and exploitation, you know what I'm talking about. You can't say
22:33anything. You can't say anything. Can't say anything. I had a friend once who was talking
22:41about another guy that I knew and said, you know, that guy came over with me once after school
22:47and he just disappeared into my basement. And he was down there for like two hours.
22:51I was making some food or doing something upstairs. And I eventually went down and found him. He was
22:57just sitting in a couch, like staring at the wall. And I'm like, okay, time to go. And I've never
23:03invited him over again. And he made this story, of course, like this guy, so weird. Like, why would
23:08he do that? Just disappear into the basement and stare at a wall? And it's like, I know why.
23:11Why? I know why. Because he was being preyed upon at home. And you were a sanctuary. Now,
23:18of course, you could have asked him, why, why did you come over to go to my basement and stare
23:25at a
23:25wall? I could say, what's going on? Are you okay? Like, no, no, we can't have any of that. Like,
23:31honestly, not kidding. Can't have any of that. You've just got to say, well, that guy's weird.
23:36So, I'm never going to invite him over again, because he's a weirdo. Right? I mean, we all know
23:42this, right? So, you've got to not be a weirdo in order to get relief from all of the horror
23:49and pain
23:50that's making you, quote, weird. You have to pretend to be the opposite of who you are in order
23:57to gain relief from what's inflicted on you. Only if you convince the doctor that you're in no pain
24:06whatsoever can you get even the slightest relief from pain. I will give you the pain relievers on
24:14the absolute condition that you do not tell me that you're in any pain at all. In fact, you don't
24:21even hint at it. In fact, you don't even say that you're at the doctor's. And that is the reality.
24:27That is the reality of the false self. Right? That is the reality of the false self.
24:34The false self is there to give you relief from pain and horror by creating an absolute facade
24:41that you are not experiencing any pain or any horror. Because the moment you admit to any pain or horror,
24:49the pain or horror multiplies almost infinitely. The moment you admit even to yourself that you're
24:59dying of thirst, all of the oases around you in the desert disappear and you die in the dirt and
25:07the
25:07grit and the dust and the sand. You only get to fly if you disbelieve in gravity. The moment that
25:15you
25:15are concerned about gravity, you plummet to your absolute grim, splattered death. And of course,
25:25I know this, right? Because in particular, when I started talking about child abuse in my show,
25:33then I got attacked and castigated and called a cult leader and, you know, reputational destruction and
25:39attack upon my source of income and, you know, threats against family and myself. So that is the
25:47reality. You see too much too soon. You understand too well that all the people around you who claim
25:55to be good, virtuous, kind, nice, lovely people will absolutely throw you back into hell the moment
26:02that you complain or talk about or bring up the topic of being abused. And even, even on the times
26:09when my mother would, for some reason or another, end up at one of my friend's parents' places,
26:18their houses, with her deeply strange and uncanny valley bizarreness, lack of eye contact,
26:28whispered, whispered, speech, strange odors. Oh, small on you. So nice to see you. Blah, blah, blah.
26:37I mean, I remember being at a friend's place. My mother was over for some reason I can't possibly
26:43remember. And she went up stairs and went to bed. I mean, I know it's not funny, but again,
26:52it's so long ago now. This is like mid-teens. It's like more than 40 years ago, right? So that
26:59is the
27:00reality. That is the reality. Nobody ever says, gee, is your mom okay? And of course, as you know,
27:07if you've listened to my show for a while, when my mother was institutionalized, like brought to a
27:14mental asylum and I went to visit her, nobody asked, hey, you know, she's a single mom. How are you
27:21living? Do you have any money? Do you have any relatives? Like nobody asked. They don't care.
27:26They don't care. So society exists. And this is of course, what child abusers rely upon. Society exists
27:33to cover up and ignore and punish anybody who talks about crimes committed against children.
27:39That is society's foundational obligation. And of course, we can see extreme cases like
27:44the assault in the most egregious ways upon little girls. And of course, sometimes little boys
27:50in other countries and so on. But society exists to cover up the abuse of children and to bribe
28:00children with relief from their symptoms if they agree to cover up the crimes and pretend the crimes
28:08don't exist and that everything's fine and everything's good. In the same way that organized crime
28:14will try to destroy you in every conceivable way if you talk about their crimes, but they will either
28:23leave you alone or maybe give you a couple of bonuses if you shut up and pretend there's no such
28:30thing
28:30as organized crime, especially if you're the one being preyed upon. Society is a criminal conspiracy
28:36against children, which relies upon rewarding children with a slight alleviation of symptoms
28:43if they deny the abuse and punishing them and throwing them back into hell if they acknowledge
28:47the abuse. And this may sound harsh. And I understand that. And if you didn't go through any of this,
28:54I mean, I'm really, I'm genuinely happy for you. And of course, that's the goal is to have more
28:58peaceful parenting and special care and thoughtfulness and consideration towards children.
29:02But if you're like, what, that's crazy. Like, listen, like, this can't be. Well, think back to your
29:10own childhood. Think back to your own teenage years in particular. There were weirdo kids,
29:17quote, weirdo kids, right? There were kids who were dysfunctional, kids who were smelly,
29:21the pig pen, right? Even pig pen is a joke character in the old Charles Schultz comic, Peanuts.
29:33And Charlie Brown was a neurotic, self-loathing child. And nobody asks where that comes from.
29:43And Lucy was a very vain, loud, sadistic narcissist. Nobody ever asks where that comes from. Pig pen
29:50was stinky and smelly. Nobody ever asks where that comes from, right? It's just like kind of cute and
29:55funny, right? Linus was an occasionally cruel, pompous theologian who had no sympathy for those
30:02around him, really. And nobody really ever asks where that comes from, right? So, you can think
30:08back to the kids who were weirdos when you were a kid. And what did you do? And I'm not
30:13blaming you,
30:14I'm just telling you that this is how the world works, at least at the moment, is there are the
30:19weirdo kids and what do you do? You roll your eyes, you make fun of them, and you ostracize them.
30:24And you
30:25wouldn't have them come to your parties because they would be an embarrassment and they would be low
30:28status and this and that and the other. And so, like my friend who the guy came to his basement
30:35and just stayed in his basement and stared at the wall for two hours and then left, he's a weirdo
30:39and
30:40you're never going to ask what's going on at home. You're never going to ask what's going on in your
30:44life. What are you going to do? Well, all you're going to do is roll your eyes, make fun of
30:51them,
30:52make sure other people are inoculated against spending any time with them and so on, right? That's what
30:58you're going to do. And again, this is not any kind of hateful thing. This is how we're all trained.
31:04I myself had a little bit more sympathy for this kind of stuff. I started reading about child abuse
31:12pretty early on. I obviously wasn't perfect, but I had a little bit more inclusiveness to this
31:17kind of stuff, right? And of course, you know, maybe your mother said, oh, you've got to invite
31:22strange Tommy to your birthday party or something. And maybe you did and so on. But
31:28nobody's ever going to ask strange Tommy why he's strange. Nobody's going to ask the smelly kid
31:33why they're smelly. They're just going to roll their eyes at him. They're going to castigate him.
31:38They're going to ostracize him. They're going to punish him. And why? Well, we have a society
31:43wherein there's not any particularly clear or positive or helpful mechanics to deal with children
31:47who are being horrendously neglected and abused. That's one reason. The other thing is, there's a
31:52certain amount of vanity. People don't want to know just how lucky they are. My friends who were
31:58raised in reasonably good households, they didn't, they took that good fortune as their own personal
32:06virtue. You know, like, hey, I'm really, I'm really socially skilled. Well, it's like, well,
32:10good for you, man. Your parents are very socially skilled. You know, that's like some kid growing up in
32:15Japan bragging that he knows Japanese. It's like, well, good for you, man. You were, you were raised
32:20in Japan and your, your parents spoke Japanese. So you speak Japanese. Whoop-dee-doo, good for you.
32:25But don't think that that's some sort of thing you earned, right? Don't think that's, and so people,
32:32they don't want to think about the immense good fortune that they've had at all. They want to
32:39pretend that they're somehow better. Like, well, I am better than the weirdo kid because I know
32:44how to conduct myself socially and he doesn't make eye contact and he has bad clothing and he
32:49smells and like this, he just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand. So I'm superior to him
32:56because I know how to conduct myself socially. And of course, it seems obvious to you if you've
33:01grown up with good social skills and parents who have good social skills, you, it's totally comes
33:07naturally to you. And therefore it's very tough for you to say, well, there, but for the grace of God,
33:13what go I? If I'd been brought up in that kid's household, I too would be a weirdo. And it's
33:21humbling, right? You understand? It's very, very, very humbling to realize just how lucky you are
33:32if you're raised well. And conversely, everybody says to you, if you're weird, that you shouldn't
33:39be weird. There are other people who aren't weird and therefore being weird is your fault and your
33:44problem and your issue. That there's something deficient in you because you're weird, right?
33:50Which is like the Japanese kids, let's say for some reason you end up having to move to Japan,
33:54right? Let's say that then, right? You, um, you end up being put in some Japanese school and you don't
34:05speak Japanese. And, you know, all of the, uh, all of the kids say, well, that's just weird,
34:12right? That you would be unable to speak Japanese. There's something wrong with you. We can speak
34:18Japanese easily. What the hell's wrong with you that you can't even speak Japanese, you weirdo?
34:23Like there's got to be something wrong with you. There's something that's bad about you. Like I
34:29remember there was this girl who came to my, uh, high school, uh, junior high school, I think it
34:35was. And she was loud, brash, obnoxious, and, uh, foolish. And, uh, and she dressed badly and she
34:42was overweight. Her name was Frida. And of course, everyone called her Freaker. Everyone called her
34:48Freaker. So that's not good. And of course, who knows what was going on in her home? I'll probably
34:53never know. But who knows what was going on in her home, right? But that's the reality. Those are the
35:00facts, right? So that's, uh, the deal. And that's what everyone knows. So yeah, the false self is that
35:07which says, if I acknowledge my pain, my pain massively intensifies. If I deny my pain, my pain
35:14massively diminishes. So you've got to lie your ass off just to save your soul. And it's really hard to
35:19undo later in life, but you can. Freedomain.com. Thanks, my friends, so much. Bye.
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