- 2 days ago
2026 S01E05 >>> https://dai.ly/xafp66q
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00:12What are you doing?
00:14Making hummus.
00:16For breakfast?
00:18No, just generally have hummus.
00:20I like to have some hummus around.
00:22Sometimes friends come around and demand hummus.
00:24But we could have hummus for breakfast.
00:26It's a good idea.
00:26What time did you get up?
00:28I couldn't really sleep.
00:30So you've been making hummus all night?
00:32No, I got home late.
00:34This is a lot of hummus.
00:36I'm always surprised that hummus is so good for you.
00:38Chickpeas taste too good to be good for you.
00:40It's so nice when things work out that way.
00:42I can't really think of many things that are good for you,
00:44but they taste like they're bad for you.
00:47Maybe kefir?
00:50What's going on?
00:51Nothing. Nothing's going on.
00:53Something's going on.
00:55Maybe we should talk about this when I'm not so tired.
01:01So there is something wrong?
01:03What?
01:06Tell me.
01:12Is it something I did?
01:15No.
01:16What?
01:19I talked to your mother.
01:21Oh my God, are we doing that again?
01:22What did she say?
01:23She said she would never be okay with this.
01:25Yeah, we know that.
01:26She's made that pretty clear.
01:27That is a shame.
01:28But this relationship is ours, not hers.
01:30And there is always a chance that she'll get over it.
01:32I promised her that I would break up with you.
01:37Excuse me?
01:37She begged me and I couldn't say no.
01:44Begging.
01:46Oh, right.
01:47Yeah.
01:48I mean, who can say no to begging?
01:50Don't be such a coward, Steve.
01:52Grow up.
01:58Izzy.
01:59Izzy, I don't want to break up with you.
02:01I don't know what else to do.
02:02I'm all right.
02:02I'm just going to go.
02:04Oh, you should call my mother and tell her.
02:05She'll be so relieved.
02:06I'm just trying to be a good guy.
02:08Don't you dare make it like you're doing this for me.
02:10You know what's so sad, Steve?
02:12I am a hot 26-year-old with a brain.
02:14I am excellent at dancing and sex.
02:17And I'm likely to make a pretty good income.
02:19And I only liked you because you were so sweet.
02:21You were just...
02:22Yeah.
02:23Like, I chose you because you were safe.
02:26But turns out you're not safe at all.
02:30You are never going to find anyone as good as me.
02:32Ever.
02:33Never.
02:35Ever.
02:37Okay?
02:39Bye.
03:07Hey, how's it going?
03:10How could you?
03:12I trusted you, Steve.
03:15What's happened?
03:15I thought we were friends.
03:17The papers have printed a story saying I shut myself.
03:20I've never told anyone.
03:22Of course it was you.
03:23You were the only person you knew.
03:25Anyway, I'm just calling to say that I will no longer require your services.
03:28And you should know I've called everyone and told them you aren't to be trusted.
03:32So good luck having no clients and no job.
03:37Goodbye, Steve.
03:39Bye.
03:47All my friends hate the tabloids.
03:49Sorry, who do you know that reads that shit, Steve?
03:52Really hope you enjoy each other.
04:00Oh shit!
04:02No, no, no, no.
04:05Oh shit!
04:08Hello?
04:11I understand.
04:13Hello?
04:16Okay, I understand.
04:19Hello?
04:21Uh-huh.
04:22Oh god.
04:23I'm sorry to hear that.
04:25Yes, I understand.
04:26I understand.
04:27No, no, I understand.
04:28Just one more question.
04:29Will you still need me to style you for the music video?
04:32Yep.
04:42You have destroyed my life.
04:44I hope you're happy now.
04:52Can it just say, I'm so sorry.
04:55We can fix this.
04:57It was a silly moment of anger and I really regret it.
05:05But we both did something we shouldn't have done and...
05:10Yeah, they won't fit on the card.
05:15Okay, just sorry then.
05:22Sorry then, thank you.
05:24Sorry then, thank you.
05:26What the fuck are you thanking me for?
05:30We're going to ruin her, aren't we, boy?
05:33You just right.
05:34We're going to take everything she has.
05:37She doesn't know how fucked she is.
05:40No, just right.
05:42No.
05:43She's really fucked.
05:45Really fucked.
05:47Okay.
05:49Well, it's, um...
05:51It's been real, Sam.
05:54Call me.
06:07Hey, Steve.
06:09Where are you?
06:11I'm here.
06:15Steve told me everything.
06:20What everything?
06:21No, there is no everything.
06:22I've taken your side through all of this, Alice.
06:24I've listened to your whining for weeks.
06:26Poor me.
06:27I'm sad.
06:28How could he?
06:29Why are you being so mean?
06:30Because I always presumed you were honest with me.
06:33I am honest.
06:35No, you're not.
06:38Steve told me about the time my mum was in town and she got sick.
06:42And you said you couldn't make it to the hospital because your conference had run over.
06:46But it wasn't your conference, was it, Alice?
06:48It was because you and Steve had done edibles in Sevenoaks and were too paranoid to go outside.
06:53Well, I didn't know she was going to get sick.
06:55And that it was actually you and not Dom who broke my flute.
06:58And that the two thousand pounds you said you'd given to Pakistani flood relief.
07:03You actually spent on Burtox and filler.
07:05It was my money and I didn't get filler.
07:12Those are normal lies.
07:13There are no normal lies, Alice.
07:15I don't lie to you.
07:17How am I supposed to love you if I don't even know who you are?
07:19What do you mean, how are you supposed to love me?
07:28I think we should spend some time apart.
07:33What?
07:45Where will you go?
07:48I won't go anywhere, Alice.
07:51You will.
07:58And on that happy note, have a good week.
08:01And if you have any problems with the essays, figure it out yourselves.
08:14I thought you'd be more upset.
08:16Sorry?
08:17I thought you'd be more upset when we broke up.
08:20Most people are upset when I break up with them.
08:23I broke up with you because I thought you were too needy,
08:25but it turns out you didn't need me at all.
08:31I'm impressed, tiger.
08:35Right.
08:35Well, sorry to disappoint you, Yanis.
08:37Turns out I am totally fine on my own.
08:40I always knew you were a tiger.
08:42I miss you.
08:45I want us to go back out and I think you want it too.
08:49Wow.
08:50So now that I don't need you, you want to go back out with me again?
08:53Yes.
08:53No way.
08:55I don't want or need anyone.
09:01My father was from Bury St Edmunds.
09:05Have you ever been to Bury St Edmunds?
09:10No.
09:12Oh.
09:14What a shame.
09:18No.
09:23No.
09:37OK.
09:38So you're not picking up.
09:39I'm just going to say that you shouldn't have spoken to Daniel, Steve.
09:43Steve, you need to remember who started this.
09:48You did. You slept with my daughter. Remember?
09:51Now you've really crossed the line.
09:54You are going down.
09:57Goodbye.
10:04Hi, Nancy.
10:05What's wrong with him?
10:07Nothing!
10:08I just... I wanted to just come by.
10:11Why are you here, Alice?
10:12I've not seen you since Steve and I got divorced.
10:21Sorry, Nancy. Now's not a good time.
10:24Well, I've come to take Crosby because Alice told me what you did.
10:28What are you talking about?
10:29She told me that the dog ate cocaine.
10:31And I've been speaking to a lawyer, and they'll never let you keep him.
10:34It was Alice's cocaine.
10:35It doesn't matter whose cocaine it was, Steve.
10:37The point is you were looking after him and he nearly died.
10:40Please don't.
10:41Please don't take Crosby.
10:43Crosby's all I have left.
10:45Please don't do this, Nancy.
10:47Well, you can keep him today.
10:50But I'll be back tomorrow.
10:52And after that, you'll never see him again.
10:53Ever.
10:55Bye!
11:08Oh, fuck you, arsehole!
11:11Fuck you!
11:14Not you.
11:16No, I can't see you with that, my glasses.
11:34Alice, Alice!
11:35And she's looking for you.
11:37She seems really upset about something.
11:40Alice, may I have a word?
11:46Can you explain this?
12:15I know who sent that to you.
12:16He has a vendetta against me.
12:18I never do drugs anymore.
12:20None.
12:21I'm basically a teetotal.
12:22I'm not talking about the drugs, Alice.
12:24I'm talking about the fact that this is racist.
12:27Sorry?
12:29You're saying the name Mugabe.
12:31It's an African name.
12:32You're mocking an African name.
12:34No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm, no, I'm, no, I'm saying, um,
12:41you know, words that, it just sounded funny.
12:44Not that the name is funny.
12:45I, I, I would never, I'm obviously just, I'm very high.
12:49You think that helps your case?
12:52I'm afraid with this and with your recent outbursts about girls and their hoo-hahs, it's put us in a
13:00very difficult position.
13:06I would love you forever, Crosby.
13:09You've taught me everything I know about love.
13:11I'm sorry I let you down.
13:13You know they don't speak English, don't you?
13:22Look after them for me.
13:24Yeah, no more cocaine for you, Crosby.
13:26Crosby.
13:35I love you.
13:38I don't know.
14:20Shall we talk about it?
14:24What?
14:25Me and your mother.
14:29Erm...
14:30No, we don't need to.
14:35Marriage is complicated.
14:40Um...
14:41Evie?
14:43I'm sorry.
14:44I made a huge mistake and I regretted it.
14:47As soon as I said it, you are the best thing to ever happen to me.
14:53I will do whatever it takes to make that for you.
14:55I think I should...
14:56Don't, Don.
14:57Don!
15:00Please, forgive me.
15:05She's out to see you, Liz.
15:07No.
15:09Thanks, ma'am.
15:21Okay.
15:23I'm rehydrated.
15:25Shall we go again?
15:27What did you miss about me?
15:30You want compliments?
15:32Okay.
15:35I missed...
15:38your dancing in the mornings.
15:41Mm-hmm.
15:42I missed arguing with you about whether people should keep dogs,
15:45even though people should definitely not keep dogs
15:47because it's servitude imprisonment.
15:51I missed your al dente t-shirt.
15:54Mm-hmm.
15:55I missed your armpit.
15:59I missed your neck.
16:06I thought you said you were done with all men
16:08and that you found them to be meaningless sex of cum?
16:11I do.
16:12So why are you having sex with Janice?
16:16Because I am a free agent.
16:19I can do what I want with my body.
16:21It's empowering.
16:23Okay.
16:24Okay.
16:25You're not just going from one man to the other,
16:28from Janice to Steve and back to Janice.
16:32No.
16:33I am the master of my destiny.
16:36Is that what we're calling it?
16:48Hey, um, is Izzy here?
16:52Um...
16:52I heard she was here.
16:57Uh...
16:58Uh...
16:58Is...
16:59Is he?
17:02Um...
17:03What's that?
17:08Are you okay?
17:14She's not him.
17:17Okay, well...
17:19Can you tell her, um, that I'm sorry?
17:22And then I made a stupid decision because I was afraid.
17:25Um...
17:25It's like she said, I was a coward.
17:28She called me a coward.
17:29You don't need to know the whole backstory, but...
17:31And, um...
17:33Can you tell her that if...
17:37If...
17:38She gives me another chance,
17:41I won't make the same mistake again.
17:43God, there's a lot.
17:44Shall I write it down?
17:45Um...
17:46Just tell her...
17:48Tell her...
17:51Tell her that I love her.
17:54I love her.
17:59Yeah.
18:00Yeah.
18:00Sure.
18:01Oh, and, uh...
18:04Give her that.
18:07Thank you, Steve.
18:11It's his.
18:12She left it at my house.
18:13It's not a gift.
18:16Thank you, Julie.
18:17I'm Suley.
18:18Suley!
18:31No husband and no job.
18:35Well, I suppose the bright side is
18:37that he should get your freedom passed soon.
18:39Ten years isn't soon.
18:40Seven years?
18:41And I have a husband.
18:43Yes, but for how long?
18:45I wouldn't let him get too used to being on his own
18:48if I were you.
18:48He might grow to like it.
18:50But it's not like people are queuing up
18:52to go out with 50-year-olds, are they?
18:55No.
18:58You're an older, unemployed woman
19:01hurtling towards old age.
19:03I mean, at this point, you've got to think,
19:05what's in it for him?
19:07If you don't get him that fast,
19:10he might go elsewhere.
19:18Come on.
19:19Sorry.
19:19We'll cheer you up.
19:20Let's play a game.
19:22Okay, so.
19:23Yeah.
19:23If you had to have sex with someone at this bar,
19:24who would it be?
19:28Not me, obviously.
19:30But seriously, if your life depended on
19:33having sex with someone at this bar,
19:35who would it be?
19:40Why?
19:40Why does my life depend on it?
19:42It's Armageddon.
19:44If you don't have sex with one of these people,
19:46the whole planet will die,
19:48and you'll be responsible for eight billion deaths.
19:54Don't want that.
20:03Um...
20:08The lady with the red hair.
20:10Okay.
20:14Why her?
20:15Because she looks bossy,
20:17and I wouldn't have to think too much.
20:20You, um...
20:21You should try taking control for once.
20:24I think that, um,
20:26there's a chance you might like it.
20:30I have an idea.
20:32Come on.
20:34Where are we going?
21:04I can't do it.
21:06Why not?
21:07I'm not going to judge you.
21:08It's just words, Dan.
21:10What is it that makes you so uncomfortable?
21:12Sex is sex.
21:13It's like...
21:13It's like tennis.
21:14You're just naked.
21:16And wanting things doesn't make you a bad person.
21:19Tell me.
21:20What's your fantasy?
21:21I want to help you open up.
21:27I can't.
21:29Alright.
21:30Okay, I'll go.
21:33Okay.
21:36Um...
21:40So...
21:41It's a warm summer's day.
21:46And...
21:47I'm on Wembley football pitch.
21:51I've been tied onto the goalpost,
21:54just in front of the net.
21:56I'm sort of floating.
21:59It feels like...
22:01My legs are being held, like...
22:04Like, wide apart.
22:05Pickford's holding me up from behind.
22:08And the rest of them are lined up,
22:11each waiting for their turn.
22:14First up...
22:16...is little Phil Foden.
22:22Little dirty scrapper.
22:28Wraps his hands into my buttocks,
22:30and then plunges his surprisingly white...
22:37Behind him, I can see Maguire smirking.
22:42And Stones gets this look in his eye, like...
22:48He's...
22:53He's got a way about him.
22:58Uh...
22:59I don't know what it is.
23:01But I know that I can't live without him.
23:06I-I-I...
23:07He's got a way of pleasing.
23:11I don't know what it is.
23:14But there doesn't have to be a reason.
23:18Alice, please stop.
23:19Anyway.
23:23He's got a smile that heals me.
23:28I don't know why it is.
23:31But I have to laugh when he reveals me.
23:36He's got a way of showing.
23:41Hi.
23:42Who the fuck are you?
23:45I should probably go.
23:46Sorry?
23:47Who is that?
23:48Friend.
23:49You don't have any friends.
23:50Why is she here?
23:51I invited her.
23:52Well, that'll see you.
23:53Well...
23:54Nice to meet you, Alice.
23:56Yep.
24:00Are you sleeping with her?
24:02Who?
24:06Do you want to sleep with her?
24:08No.
24:15Do you not love me anymore?
24:21I don't think I love you enough.
24:26Ooh.
24:32Well, I-I don't think you love me enough either.
24:36I do.
24:39I should be your priority.
24:41You are.
24:42No, I'm not.
24:43No, I'm not.
24:44You're your priority.
24:45And you should be yours.
24:48I'm not responsible for your life, Daniel.
24:50You are.
24:51If you're not happy, then fix it.
24:54Make yourself happy.
24:56But I-I have never not loved you.
24:59I-I just-I love myself a tiny bit more.
25:01And that's normal.
25:02I don't believe it.
25:03When people say that they take a bullet for you, it's bullshit.
25:07Survival's in our bones.
25:09Steve shouldn't be a priority.
25:19He-he was one of my priorities.
25:27You and me, we can't be everything to each other.
25:29Why not?
25:32You can't be totally nourished by one person.
25:36It-it doesn't work that way.
25:41What can't you get from me?
25:49You're not joyful, Daniel.
25:51And sometimes I need joy.
25:56Maybe that's the problem.
25:57I-I get my joy from you.
26:00Well, that's because I'm joyful.
26:04But I'm not necessarily, um, kind.
26:08We all have our different skills.
26:16I'm not sure I'm happy.
26:22I-I-okay, I d-I didn't know that.
26:28We used to talk about this another time when I got so drunk.
26:32You got drunk without me.
26:37Good night, Alice.
26:38Good night.
26:40Good night.
27:04HE SIGHS
27:07Fuck off!
27:24Hello?
27:26Yeah, that's me.
27:31I only came in because I was constipated.
27:34Should I be worried?
27:55Hi.
27:56Hi.
27:59You broke up with me?
28:00Yeah, because I'm an idiot.
28:02I'm really sorry.
28:04What are you sorry for?
28:05Sorry for being weak.
28:07I'm sorry for not listening to my heart.
28:10Anything else?
28:12For going on about hummus?
28:14For prioritising my mum over us.
28:17Yeah.
28:19For that.
28:21Are you ever going to do that again?
28:25No, never.
28:28I've never liked anyone the way I like you.
28:32I'm really sorry.
28:35I'm sorry too.
28:37You have nothing to apologise for.
28:44I've got cancer.
28:46What?
28:46I had a blood test and they want me to come in.
28:50So, it might not be cancer.
28:52What, it could literally be anything?
28:56Yeah, but I'm dramatic.
28:59When do they want you to go in?
29:03No.
29:04Okay, so, um, because these are test results, I just wanted to ask if you want to receive these results
29:10in private.
29:12Uh, no, no, I want him to be here.
29:13Okay.
29:14And, um, are you Izzy's father?
29:17Oh.
29:18No.
29:19No, it's my boyfriend.
29:21Okay, great.
29:22Right.
29:22Okay then.
29:23Um, well, um, blood results all came back good.
29:27Um, but we did find a fairly sizeable hormone differential, so we tested again, and it turns out that you
29:36are pregnant.
29:40Sorry?
29:42You're pregnant.
29:54No!
29:56Oh, shit.
29:58Oh, shit.
30:01Oh, shit.
30:03Oh, shit.
30:04Oh, shit.
30:06Shit.
30:07Oh, shit.
30:09Oh, shit.
30:11A little Sally Walker sitting in a saucer.
30:15Oh, how I tossed that ass up.
30:16Like a mission in the woods.
30:18Woody Woodpecker would if he could, but I didn't want to pass it up.
30:21To the next man hammer walk, man bumpin' on the 50-yard line and my adrenaline pumpin' like a killer.
30:26Thriller, driller, tell her out with the bill of room.
30:28Fill her up, took her till the damn Dutch puke.
30:30Luke, come on.