- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Getting to the bottom of things, at 8 o'clock tonight, a film show and lecture on archaeological digging by
00:00:05Professor Roland Crump, the distinguished archaeologist.
00:00:08And so, the bone structure tells us something about the shape of these prehistoric animals.
00:00:14So much, then, for the bone of the greater woolly...
00:00:25Now...
00:00:26Now, by studying the dwelling places of primitive man, we are able to form a picture of how he lived.
00:00:35How he lived, yes.
00:00:36And we know from the crude drawings on the walls of his cave that he frequently exposed himself.
00:00:45I've exposed himself to all manner of dangers in his search for food and the other.
00:00:54The other significant feature of his existence was the presence of ice glaciers in the vicinity, which undoubtedly caused the
00:01:04piles.
00:01:06The piles of debris to move down and cover up his dwelling place.
00:01:14One of which we will now show you on film.
00:01:19Are you ready?
00:01:20Lights.
00:01:26Here we show you the excavation of a typical Stone Age dwelling.
00:01:31The lady uncovering the site is Miss Amelia Fosdyke, who learned her skillful techniques under Professor Schwindelhofer of Utrecht.
00:01:40Notice the typical upland scenery.
00:01:43Neolithic man always preferred those areas, as the lower regions were often foresty and inclined to be swampy.
00:01:52The two large mounds in the foreground are of a special interest.
00:01:58It was these which first drew our attention to the site.
00:02:01And now we see the site partially uncovered.
00:02:05Notice the small indentation in the middle.
00:02:09The small indentation was probably caused by a sharpened pole, which was rammed in to hold up the roof.
00:02:17The normal method of beginning a Stone Age erection.
00:02:21And now we see Miss Fosdyke about to uncover something of enormous interest.
00:02:35Oh, that's not Miss Fosdyke.
00:02:38They've sent the wrong film.
00:02:39Turn it off.
00:02:40Turn it off.
00:02:42Turn it off.
00:02:44Turn it off.
00:02:45Turn it off immediately, I think.
00:02:46Look here.
00:02:46I will not have this kind of thing shown in a lecture that I am done.
00:02:50Turn it off, do you understand?
00:02:51I will not have to be on in my lecture hall.
00:02:53I do not want to get it off immediately.
00:02:55Turn it off.
00:02:56I won't have this kind of thing.
00:02:58Oh, no, no, no, I forbid.
00:03:01Turn it off immediately.
00:03:04I will not have it shown.
00:03:05Thank goodness.
00:03:06This is monstrous.
00:03:07They sent the wrong film.
00:03:08I do apologize.
00:03:10But what can I do?
00:03:11Show it again.
00:03:12Show it again.
00:03:17Morning, sir.
00:03:18I did enjoy your lecture last night.
00:03:20I've never been so embarrassed in my life.
00:03:22I thought it was smashing.
00:03:23Oh.
00:03:29Morning, Crump.
00:03:30I beg your...
00:03:31Oh, good morning, Dean.
00:03:33Have you got a moment?
00:03:34Is it about the lecture?
00:03:35That's not what I wanted to talk to you about.
00:03:36You're off to Templeton, I understand.
00:03:38That's right.
00:03:39One of the most important finds in the West, according to preliminary reports.
00:03:42Is it, sir?
00:03:43Yes.
00:03:43It's a field next to a caravan site.
00:03:45Apparently, they were digging a new cesspool when they found what appears to be a Roman
00:03:49encampment.
00:03:50Now, what I want to talk to you about is your assistant.
00:03:53Assistant?
00:03:54I do want an assistant.
00:03:54I've never had an assistant before.
00:03:56What do I want an assistant for?
00:03:57In the interests of cultural relations.
00:03:59None of my relations were cultured.
00:04:00My old grandmother...
00:04:01In the interests of cultural relations.
00:04:03You will have to take with you Professor Vushka.
00:04:06Ah!
00:04:08Ah!
00:04:08Ah!
00:04:08Ah!
00:04:09Ah!
00:04:10Ah!
00:04:11Ah!
00:04:11Ah!
00:04:11Ah!
00:04:15Good morning.
00:04:17So sorry.
00:04:18Oh, that's all right.
00:04:19Don't mention it.
00:04:22Crump, I'd like you to meet Professor Anna Vushka.
00:04:24How are you doing?
00:04:27Professor Vushka is the person I was telling you about.
00:04:29What about my caravan?
00:04:31Oh, never mind about that.
00:04:32You can hire another one when you get down there.
00:04:34Professor Vushka is an expert on Roman romance.
00:04:36Yes, I've been examining Hadrian's walls.
00:04:39He only had one.
00:04:40One what?
00:04:41Wall.
00:04:42Hadrian's wall.
00:04:43He had one wall.
00:04:44Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but my English not yet perfected.
00:04:46Oh, is that all right?
00:04:48I'm glad you two look like hitting it off.
00:04:50Hitting it off?
00:04:51What does hitting it off mean?
00:04:52It means like having it off, no?
00:04:55No, it means establishing a friendly relationship.
00:04:58Oh, that's nice, yes.
00:05:00Well, look after everything, will you, Crump?
00:05:02Yes, of course, Steve.
00:05:02I'll send you a party to students to help with the dig.
00:05:04So, good luck, both of you.
00:05:05Thank you, Jane.
00:05:10And no worry.
00:05:11Professor Crump and I will soon be having it off.
00:05:13Hitting it off.
00:05:2240p and I'll save you a bit of the other.
00:05:24Hello, Els.
00:05:24Hello, love.
00:05:25Give us a bit of that for me, old man.
00:05:28Give that to your husband, and you're in for a night of romance.
00:05:31Oh, can I do it in the oven?
00:05:33Do it where you like.
00:05:34Is your kitchen?
00:05:34Ooh.
00:05:3790p and the next lovely lady, please.
00:05:39Oh, thank you.
00:05:42Where are you going?
00:05:43Going on one of those hill farms.
00:05:45Oh, what about Fred?
00:05:47He's taking the caravan.
00:05:49He's off fishing.
00:05:50What, on his own?
00:05:51No, with Ernie Bragg.
00:05:53Oh, Bragg up the electrical shop.
00:05:55Yes, that's right.
00:05:56Well, what about Ernie's wife?
00:05:58She's coming with me.
00:05:59Hey, talking of Ernie, when's he come to see about that fridge?
00:06:01What do you mean, when's he coming?
00:06:03He came when you nipped out for a pint.
00:06:05He's in there.
00:06:05Oh, no.
00:06:07I've shut the door on him.
00:06:13Ernie!
00:06:16Are you all right?
00:06:23Oh, my God!
00:06:25It's only asleep.
00:06:42I've got the fridge working.
00:06:51I knew it was working when I felt it falling off.
00:06:59Felt what falling off?
00:07:01Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
00:07:05me, me, me, temperature.
00:07:08Oh, oh, oh.
00:07:15Come on, darling.
00:07:17You know you can if you want to.
00:07:20Come on, darling.
00:07:21Show me what you can do.
00:07:23Come on.
00:07:25Out with it.
00:07:27That.
00:07:28Oh, what a beauty.
00:07:32Hello, darling.
00:07:33How do you do?
00:07:34Oh, what a beauty.
00:07:35He's a miner.
00:07:38I thought it was the milkman.
00:07:39Mummy got hold of him last week.
00:07:42Who, the milkman?
00:07:43The miner bird.
00:07:44What's he doing here, then?
00:07:47Well, he's coming with us.
00:07:49Hang on a minute.
00:07:50Your mother's not coming on holiday with us, is she?
00:07:53What could I say she asked?
00:07:56But where's she going to sleep?
00:07:58I thought we could rent one of those extension tent things that go on the side.
00:08:07Oh, I think he wants to come inside the caravan.
00:08:10Look, if he's coming with us, he's got to get used to staying outside.
00:08:13What's business, it rains?
00:08:15We'll buy him an umbrella.
00:08:20Oh, we should have bought a bigger caravan.
00:08:23We should have bought a smaller dog.
00:08:24We'll lead him in the kennels.
00:08:26You know very well he couldn't bear to be parted from us.
00:08:29He might like it in the kennels.
00:08:32He might get in with a nice crowd of dogs and love it.
00:08:34If he doesn't come, I don't go.
00:08:39I'm not leaving him.
00:08:41Now, you behave yourself.
00:08:42Do you hear me?
00:08:43Yes, dear.
00:08:44Because if you get up to anything, I'll find out.
00:08:46Yes, dear.
00:08:47Don't worry, love.
00:08:48I will keep an eye on him.
00:08:49Yes, and who's going to keep an eye on you?
00:08:52Bye-bye.
00:08:52Bye, love.
00:08:58We must be mad letting them two go off together.
00:09:01They're only going fishing.
00:09:03Depends what they're trying to catch.
00:09:05Well, I shouldn't worry, dear.
00:09:06They haven't got much in the way of bait.
00:09:08Tell her, lovely.
00:09:09Tell her.
00:09:10You remember, you take care of your rods.
00:09:20Tell her.
00:09:26Hello, Mummy.
00:09:28Hello, darling.
00:09:32Mummy's here.
00:09:37Mummy, you're not bringing those, are you?
00:09:39Well, I can't leave them at home, dear.
00:09:41They'll die.
00:09:42Good.
00:09:42Did you say something?
00:09:43I said good.
00:09:44We've almost finished packing.
00:09:46Now, put that on the table, will you?
00:09:51Bloody hell!
00:09:52Arthur, there is no need for that.
00:09:55Don't bother me.
00:09:56Bless my soul.
00:09:57I do believe I nearly said a rude word, which isn't surprising, because I got a cactus bike
00:10:01right up my...
00:10:01Arthur!
00:10:22Uh, who do we see?
00:10:24I don't know.
00:10:26Look at that!
00:10:28Oh!
00:10:31Makes you wish you were single, doesn't it?
00:10:34As far as this already is concerned, Ernie, we is single, and don't you forget it.
00:10:39Oh.
00:10:41Good day.
00:10:42Uh, how do you do, sir?
00:10:44How's the weather been?
00:10:45Oh, excellent.
00:10:47Oh, nice bands, these.
00:10:48Not bad.
00:10:50How long?
00:10:51About 14 feet.
00:10:52No, no, no, no.
00:10:53I mean, how long are you staying?
00:10:54Depends.
00:10:55On what?
00:10:56Whether we get any.
00:10:58So, how long will you be staying?
00:11:00Well, er, like he says, it depends.
00:11:02On what?
00:11:03How long we can stick it?
00:11:05Yes, well, you can stick it up over there by the headroom.
00:11:10We're shifting round that's made to build a sewer.
00:11:14We're moving it regardless of our expense.
00:11:18We're shifting his remains to delay the council's raise.
00:11:22To satisfy the local residents.
00:11:25Oh, fly, I think it's a good thing.
00:11:28How disgusting!
00:11:30Who are they?
00:11:32Archaeologists.
00:11:33Archaeologists?
00:11:34That's what it said on the side of the van.
00:11:37Well, they all sound drunk to me.
00:11:38So they're drunken, archaeologists.
00:11:41Arth!
00:11:42Arthur!
00:11:43I won't have swearing!
00:11:54Come on, Ernnessy, what's about?
00:11:56I'm just checking me tackle.
00:11:58Yeah, I'll catch it.
00:11:59Oh!
00:12:02No need to check mine.
00:12:08Oh, girls!
00:12:09That's what I need.
00:12:10Bit of exercise.
00:12:12Okay.
00:12:14Used to be, uh,
00:12:15left back my murder, you know.
00:12:20Oh, what he loved.
00:12:21I'll get it.
00:12:44Hey!
00:12:45What do you think you're doing?
00:12:47That belongs to me!
00:12:49What are you yelling about?
00:12:50Me ball's burning!
00:12:52Don't stand so close to the fire!
00:12:59You mean the students got here before us?
00:13:01Yes.
00:13:01Where are you held up?
00:13:02Yes, before we were starting,
00:13:04we're having quick banged together.
00:13:05Oh, really?
00:13:06She ran into my caravan.
00:13:08What, for a quick go?
00:13:09No, no, it was a collision.
00:13:11She collided with it.
00:13:12Now it's a complete write-off.
00:13:13That's nasty.
00:13:14So we are needing accommodation.
00:13:16Yes, well, you see,
00:13:17I managed to get the students fixed up all right.
00:13:19Bit of a squeeze, mind you.
00:13:20Well, that won't hurt them.
00:13:21What about us?
00:13:22That is the problem.
00:13:23Those were the only two vans I had for rent.
00:13:25It's okay, it's okay.
00:13:26We're squeezing in somehow.
00:13:27We shall do nothing of the sort.
00:13:29Not with that lot.
00:13:30Oh, it's not worrying me.
00:13:32When I am on expedition to Gobi Desert,
00:13:34I am sharing tents
00:13:35with five men,
00:13:37two goats,
00:13:38and one camel.
00:13:39Five men,
00:13:40two goats,
00:13:41and a camel?
00:13:42Gah.
00:13:43But weren't you a liar?
00:13:44Oh, yes, I was.
00:13:45But since this time,
00:13:47I'm always coming prepared.
00:13:48Oh, what have you got?
00:13:50I'll show you.
00:13:50Stink remover.
00:13:54Hello, darling.
00:13:55Hold your noise.
00:13:56Get stuffed.
00:13:58What did you say?
00:13:59Show us your knickers.
00:14:02Mummy has got a surprise coming with you,
00:14:04hasn't she, mate?
00:14:05Who's a shaky boy, then?
00:14:07You are?
00:14:08Get stuffed.
00:14:19Olly!
00:14:21Olly, look what Mummy's bought for a busy.
00:14:26He is.
00:14:28Isn't that lovely, darling?
00:14:35I do hope he's not annoying you.
00:14:37No, he's all right.
00:14:40That's a lot.
00:14:40Now, hop it.
00:14:44Barnes,
00:14:45this couple wants somewhere to sleep.
00:14:47They'd like to rent your caravan.
00:14:49Bah.
00:14:50We have a look.
00:14:51You need look no further, madam.
00:14:53This way, please.
00:14:54Do you mind wiping your feet?
00:14:58Here we are,
00:14:59all ready to move into.
00:15:00Just wants a bit of a sweep out.
00:15:02I've got all the brooms and things
00:15:04are in the cupboard here,
00:15:05and you'll find...
00:15:06Ah, well, that's...
00:15:08Who was living here?
00:15:09I was.
00:15:10How much rent are you asking?
00:15:12Well, I'm...
00:15:13I'm only a simple man, you see.
00:15:14I don't understand figures.
00:15:17Thirty quid a week.
00:15:18Thirty pounds?
00:15:19You must be insane.
00:15:22All right, then.
00:15:23All right.
00:15:23Twenty-five.
00:15:24Take it or leave it.
00:15:25We'll leave it.
00:15:25We're taking...
00:15:27Fifteen quids a week.
00:15:29Twenty.
00:15:30Now, look here.
00:15:31The only reason we want this dilapidated mobile hovel
00:15:34is for somewhere to do our operations.
00:15:36Operations?
00:15:38What kind of operations?
00:15:40Somewhere to examine our artifacts.
00:15:42He will be getting them out,
00:15:44and I shall be examining them
00:15:45and then sticking labels on them.
00:15:47You do what you like.
00:15:49Still twenty quid a week.
00:15:50Fifteen is last offer, da?
00:15:52Fifteen for my lovely home?
00:15:54Da.
00:15:54Right.
00:15:55I'm not leaving the bed in.
00:15:58Which end are you sleeping?
00:16:00Oh, you can't be serious.
00:16:02I mean, look at it.
00:16:05I soon am scrubbing out.
00:16:07No, it's not just that.
00:16:08We can't share a caravan.
00:16:11Oh, you're thinking you're getting crumpet, no?
00:16:13Oh, certainly not.
00:16:15Where on earth did you learn that expression?
00:16:18Crumpet.
00:16:18Crumpet is squashed.
00:16:21It's in dictionary.
00:16:22Crumpet is squashed.
00:16:24Crumpet is squashed together.
00:16:25Oh, I see.
00:16:26You mean cramped.
00:16:28It's what I say.
00:16:30Crumpet.
00:16:30Crumpet.
00:16:31Crumpet.
00:16:33Crumpet.
00:16:33Crumpet.
00:16:33Well, you can be cramped here on your own.
00:16:35If you don't mind, I'm going to the pub.
00:16:37I find a room there.
00:16:38Maybe you're getting crumpet in pub also.
00:16:46It says caravans only.
00:16:47Don't worry.
00:16:49I'll soon chat him off.
00:16:56How do you do, ladies?
00:16:57I wonder.
00:16:58Could you help us?
00:16:59Certainly.
00:17:00What seems to be the trouble?
00:17:01Could we camp here tonight?
00:17:03I'm very sorry, girls.
00:17:04It's caravans only.
00:17:07Oh, but you see, my friends hurt her leg.
00:17:10Has she?
00:17:11Whereabouts?
00:17:12Well, it's all over.
00:17:13I think I must have pulled a muscle.
00:17:16Oh, well, perhaps it needs massaging, huh?
00:17:18Oh, I'm sure it does.
00:17:19Only not while I'm on my bike.
00:17:21Oh, no, no, of course not.
00:17:23Well, perhaps we could find a quiet little spot around here somewhere.
00:17:26All right, big of one.
00:17:27What, to massage it?
00:17:29No, no, no, of course not.
00:17:31To put your tent up.
00:17:32Oh, thanks ever so much.
00:17:34Well, not at all.
00:17:34It might be any help at all.
00:17:36I'm only too pleased to put it up for you.
00:17:38I'm sure we can manage.
00:17:40Bye.
00:17:42Bye.
00:17:54I've got a Wickham's Fancy, a Black Gnat, a March Brown and a Ginger Quill.
00:18:03Phew, it's warm, isn't it?
00:18:05Yes.
00:18:06Phew.
00:18:12I could do some good with these two.
00:18:14I could do some good with them two.
00:18:19Look at that.
00:18:21Yes, they are beautiful, aren't they?
00:18:23We could be all right there.
00:18:27Oh, oh, yes, I suppose we could.
00:18:30What's the matter, don't you fancy him?
00:18:33Well, it's not that, but...
00:18:36I can't, Fred.
00:18:39What do you mean you can't?
00:18:41Well, I've got a disability.
00:18:45What sort of disability?
00:18:48I'd rather not tell you.
00:18:51Oh, Ernest.
00:18:53You can tell Frederick.
00:18:57I talk in my sleep.
00:19:00It is hard at all.
00:19:01I can't see how that's going to stop you having...
00:19:04Talk in your sleep?
00:19:06You were Mrs. you mean?
00:19:07That's what she meant when she said she'd find out.
00:19:10Well, that's lovely, that is.
00:19:12You could have told me before.
00:19:14You're going to ruin my bloody holiday, you are.
00:19:16Well, it needn't stop you.
00:19:17Of course it will.
00:19:19Everything I do, you tell you a missus.
00:19:21She'll nip around, tell my missus.
00:19:23Well, we could still go fishing.
00:19:25I did not come here to go fishing.
00:19:27I came here to go...
00:19:29Finding other things to do.
00:19:33Would you like to borrow me ginger quill?
00:19:37Sandra?
00:19:38This stone's not working properly.
00:19:40Well, we dropped it, didn't we?
00:19:42Let's have a look.
00:19:48If you fancy them that much,
00:19:49why don't you go outside and chat them up?
00:19:52What, with you around?
00:19:53I might not talk in my sleep.
00:19:56Hmm.
00:20:01Well, sorry to bother you.
00:20:03Oh, it's the...
00:20:06Yes?
00:20:07Well, we can't seem to get our stove working.
00:20:09I wondered whether you could look at it for us.
00:20:12Er, yes.
00:20:13Well, there's nothing missing.
00:20:14No, I can see that.
00:20:16Only we're dying for it.
00:20:19Pardon?
00:20:19A cup of tea.
00:20:20Oh, oh, yes, so are we.
00:20:23Would you like to join us?
00:20:25Oh, we'd love to.
00:20:26Thanks.
00:20:27Carol?
00:20:28Would you like to sit down?
00:20:30Thanks.
00:20:31Thanks, sir.
00:20:36Hello.
00:20:38What do we need?
00:20:40I will clear the table.
00:20:43Here, watch my flies.
00:20:45I beg your pardon.
00:20:46Oh.
00:20:54Here, wait.
00:20:55Maybe you're needing...
00:20:56Whoops.
00:20:57Here, careful.
00:20:58You could do me an injury.
00:20:59Yes, easily.
00:21:05You're not finding room in pub, huh?
00:21:07No, I rang all round, but they're full up.
00:21:09Hmm.
00:21:09So you are sleeping in Caravan, no?
00:21:11I suppose we could divide it up or something.
00:21:15Okay, if you're wishing.
00:21:16But you are going to help me clean up Caravan, no?
00:21:19Oh, no, I've got to go and examine the excavations.
00:21:26Oh, oh.
00:21:28Oh, Mummy.
00:21:30Oh, please.
00:21:32Oh, ah.
00:21:35There are some people with an enormous dog parked right outside.
00:21:38I know.
00:21:39Well, really, they might have had some consideration.
00:21:41They're right on top of us.
00:21:42You can't expect to feel to yourself, you know.
00:21:44All right, Mummy, don't fuss.
00:21:46Arthur can move the awning.
00:21:47I am not moving the awning.
00:21:49Arthur, don't be awkward.
00:21:51I am not being awkward.
00:21:53Oh, for heaven's sake, don't argue over me.
00:21:54It's all very well for you to...
00:21:56Arthur, you know I cannot stand squabbling.
00:21:58Oh, my God, now I've got one of my headaches.
00:22:01Oh, I do, alas.
00:22:04Get stuffed.
00:22:05What did you say to me?
00:22:07Nothing.
00:22:07It was him.
00:22:08Arthur, how dare you speak to Mummy like that?
00:22:11It was him, I tell you.
00:22:13Come on, say it again.
00:22:15How do you do?
00:22:17He won't say it now.
00:22:19For the very good reason he didn't say it in the first place.
00:22:22He may be your husband, Linda, but Arthur never has been and never will be a gentleman.
00:22:29I think it might be better if you slept out here.
00:22:31Don't worry.
00:22:32I wouldn't come in there if you paid me.
00:22:36He's just like your father.
00:22:38He's coarse.
00:22:39And I can't stand coarse men.
00:22:41That's the reason I left him.
00:22:42Well, I'm not leaving, Arthur.
00:22:44You just wait.
00:22:45He'll soon stop shaving and start walking around looking like a tram.
00:22:48Oh, Mummy, please.
00:22:55It's bird nesting.
00:22:59Right exactly where these Roman remains fired.
00:23:02In the new cesspit.
00:23:09Hey, that's the old cesspit!
00:23:17I'm in the pits!
00:23:19Here, don't pollute it.
00:23:29Scrubber, no working.
00:23:32Borrowing from comrades.
00:23:40Excuse, please.
00:23:42Yes?
00:23:42Ah, it's nice.
00:23:45It's very nice, no?
00:23:47In this caravan, you're not getting much crumpet, no?
00:23:50Pardon?
00:23:51Crumpet.
00:23:51Yes, that's what I thought you said.
00:23:53You see, I am keeping a, how you say, dirty caravan.
00:23:58Keeping a what?
00:24:00You see, I am having birds in my caravan.
00:24:02You want to come see?
00:24:04No, thank you.
00:24:05Not just now.
00:24:06Therefore, I'm going around camp looking for scrubbers.
00:24:09Really?
00:24:10Hmm.
00:24:10Well, I suppose you'll start getting our dinner.
00:24:13Oh, well, why, why don't you have dinner with us?
00:24:16Oh, we couldn't.
00:24:18Why not?
00:24:18We've got plenty, haven't we?
00:24:19Oh, yes, we've got, er, roast chicken, roast potatoes, sausages, brussel sprouts, and, er...
00:24:26Stuff in.
00:24:28Unless, of course, you don't fancy it.
00:24:31Oh, no, we quite like it.
00:24:33Providing it's, er, well done.
00:24:35Yeah.
00:24:36Shall we do it for them?
00:24:37Well, no.
00:24:40Er, do, do what?
00:24:43Cook for dinner.
00:24:45Well, yeah, if you want to.
00:24:47Come on, then.
00:24:48Ow!
00:24:50Here.
00:24:51That's my Wickham's fancy.
00:24:53Well, it was sticking in me.
00:24:55You're lucky it wasn't his ginger quill.
00:25:03Oh, yes?
00:25:04Hello.
00:25:05Excuse me.
00:25:06You have scrubbers in caravan?
00:25:08No.
00:25:09Certainly not.
00:25:10Shoot.
00:25:11Oh, pardon me.
00:25:18Ollie?
00:25:20Ollie?
00:25:22Ollie?
00:25:22Ollie?
00:25:24Where's Ollie gone?
00:25:25I don't know.
00:25:27Must be around here somewhere.
00:25:29Get stuff.
00:25:30Show us your knickers.
00:25:32Oh, Ollie.
00:25:33Ollie!
00:25:33Come on, where are you?
00:25:34Ollie!
00:25:38Ollie!
00:25:38There, push off.
00:25:39Push, push you.
00:25:40Ollie!
00:25:44Look, look, do that voice.
00:25:46Do the voice.
00:25:46See, he knows what he likes.
00:25:48No!
00:25:48Go on, do the voice.
00:25:49Ollie, where are you?
00:25:52Not the cross voice.
00:25:54The daddy voice.
00:26:11How are you doing, sir?
00:26:12Fine, thanks.
00:26:24Ah, Mr. Rowlands.
00:26:27I was finding your clothing in the caravan.
00:26:29You were falling into something nasty, no?
00:26:31You can't come in here.
00:26:33You're a woman.
00:26:35Yes, I know.
00:26:35So what?
00:26:36Bath is for men only?
00:26:37Yes.
00:26:38Mr. Rowlands, this is discrimination.
00:26:41In my country, bath is also for women.
00:26:43Yes, but not in here.
00:26:44You have to go next door.
00:26:46Of course.
00:26:47I'm not coming in with you, Mr. Rowlands.
00:26:49I am going next door.
00:26:52But, uh, Miss, Miss, Miss, Miss...
00:26:54Wuschka.
00:26:55Wuschka, yeah, Miss Wuschka.
00:26:57In England, men and women bath separately.
00:27:00Oh, of course.
00:27:01In my country also.
00:27:03Except when there is shortage of hot water.
00:27:17Now, uh, now look, Miss...
00:27:18Oh, Miss...
00:27:19Wuschka.
00:27:20Yes, Miss Wuschka.
00:27:21Now, you will please take care of my clothing.
00:27:22Hang them up.
00:27:23Well, I...
00:27:24Oh, well, I...
00:27:25Oh, well, I mean, Miss Wusch...
00:27:30Oh, ha, ha.
00:27:34They're not mine.
00:27:36They're hers.
00:27:40Yes.
00:27:41Oh, Miss, Miss.
00:27:43Oh, ha, ha.
00:27:54Gone?
00:27:55Yes, look.
00:27:56But how did it get out?
00:27:57Well, Arthur must have done it.
00:27:58Oh, he wouldn't, Mummy.
00:27:59Well, where is he?
00:28:00He went for a shower.
00:28:01Well, then let's go over and find him.
00:28:04Oh, look, I don't know where he is.
00:28:06We should never have brought him.
00:28:08Well, and he's gone off into the woods.
00:28:09Shall I go and have a look?
00:28:10Yeah.
00:28:10I'll have him in the shower.
00:28:31Hello.
00:28:32Hello.
00:28:32How are you doings?
00:28:38You're a woman.
00:28:39Yes.
00:28:40Bloody hell.
00:28:50Hello.
00:28:51How are you doings?
00:28:53I thought it was men in there.
00:28:55It's truth.
00:28:56But it's only one.
00:28:57I think.
00:29:00Well, if she can go in there, so can I.
00:29:05Oh, I do beg your pardon.
00:29:11I mean, my husband has one just like yours.
00:29:15The same colour.
00:29:17It's also creased and minkled.
00:29:21Well, you've both got one the same.
00:29:31See if you can get a bottle of Sautern.
00:29:33It's only a local pub, lovely.
00:29:35Probably end up with scrumpy.
00:29:38Hey.
00:29:42What about you with disability, then?
00:29:44Oh, I've thought about that.
00:29:46If I keep calling Carol Charlie, I'll be all right.
00:29:50What good will that do?
00:29:51Well, if I talk in my sleep, it won't sound so bad.
00:29:54The wife will think I'm talking about a fella.
00:29:57Could sound a bloody sight worse.
00:29:59Eh?
00:30:00Give the kiss.
00:30:01Oh, shut up.
00:30:02I think we'll move on in the morning.
00:30:04Oh, yes.
00:30:05These caravan sights are all alike.
00:30:07They're all married couples.
00:30:08There's never any fellows.
00:30:09Well, apart from those two.
00:30:12Blimey, you're not after them, are you?
00:30:13Are you kidding?
00:30:14You can tell they're married.
00:30:16Still, we are getting a dinner for nothing.
00:30:17Don't kid yourself.
00:30:18We aren't getting it for nothing.
00:30:20Oh, yes, we are.
00:30:22Oh, no, we're not.
00:30:23We're flipping.
00:30:23We've got to cook it.
00:30:24Oh, no.
00:30:25Hey, where's the fat gold?
00:30:27Mine, you're...
00:30:28Where's it gone?
00:30:35A dirty great dog's got it.
00:31:05What is it?
00:31:07Our dinner?
00:31:08Well, can't be helped.
00:31:10No, it was our fault.
00:31:11Hey, look, we were just going out for a meal.
00:31:14Oh, yes.
00:31:15Why not come with us?
00:31:16All right.
00:31:17Why not?
00:31:19We're going to get some clothes on.
00:31:20Why bother?
00:31:21Ollie?
00:31:22Ollie?
00:31:23Hello, darling.
00:31:25Hello, darling.
00:31:26Show us your knickers.
00:31:34There's a man in those bushes.
00:31:36Oh, really?
00:31:37Yes, he says something.
00:31:38Oh, he did, did he?
00:31:39What did he say?
00:31:41Well, it was...
00:31:43rude.
00:31:44Oh, like that, is it?
00:31:46Well, don't worry.
00:31:46I'll not tolerate people like that on my camp.
00:31:49I'll have him packed and away from here the moment I catch him.
00:31:54Oh, what a beauty.
00:31:56You're around here somewhere, mate.
00:31:58I can hear you.
00:31:59Get stuffed.
00:32:00And that's how you're going to end up.
00:32:10I can hear you.
00:32:38Get stuffed.
00:32:39Shh.
00:32:40Go away.
00:32:40What?
00:32:41I'm after a bird.
00:32:42Now you've looked this way.
00:32:45You've made me head.
00:32:47You're frightened in a way.
00:32:48Frightened what away?
00:32:49The minor bird.
00:32:52Hey.
00:32:55Hey.
00:32:55Have you seen a big dog around here anywhere?
00:32:57Look, I've got better things to do than look for dogs, mate.
00:33:00There's a couple of quid in it for you, if you find him.
00:33:02Two pallets.
00:33:04Give it to me, sir.
00:33:05I'll find him.
00:33:06What's he look like?
00:33:06Ow!
00:33:19Hey.
00:33:20Hey.
00:33:21Hey.
00:33:22Hey, hurry.
00:33:40Oh, no.
00:33:43Oh, no.
00:33:43No.
00:33:45That's not a chicken.
00:33:47Oh, it's turned into black bangers.
00:33:50What are they?
00:33:54We had to go out dinner in oven.
00:33:56Charming.
00:33:57Just like being married to them.
00:33:59Oh, no, that smoke.
00:34:06Well, if this is the new cesspit, why is all the earth over there?
00:34:09Perhaps they're using for filling in old holes.
00:34:12Oh, yes, I never thought of that.
00:34:22An interesting example of Roman tessellation.
00:34:26Tessellation.
00:34:27Is name for what they're doing, huh?
00:34:30It simply means various Roman pieces get laid on cement.
00:34:35It's very uncomfortable for them, no?
00:34:39Professor...
00:34:40Buschka.
00:34:41Buschka.
00:34:42Professor Buschka, you are the Roman expert.
00:34:44Would you say this was some sort of Roman temple?
00:34:47No, Professor Crump.
00:34:48No.
00:34:48It's no temple.
00:34:50In my opinion, it's place where Roman soldiers are coming for drinking and for women and for...
00:34:55Yes, quite.
00:34:56I know what you mean.
00:34:57What is name for a place like this in English?
00:34:59In English?
00:35:00It's place where soldiers are coming for drinking and for women and for...
00:35:03Yes, yes, yes.
00:35:04It's called the Naffy.
00:35:06Naffy.
00:35:06Ah.
00:35:07So this is Roman Naffy, you know?
00:35:09Yes.
00:35:10Da, da, da.
00:35:11And lady taking money at door is...
00:35:13Naffy keeper, you know?
00:35:15Oh, yeah.
00:35:15Yeah, she is.
00:35:17In which case we are outside main camp on perimeter.
00:35:21Meaning...
00:35:22Meaning...
00:35:22That main camp is buried underneath caravan site.
00:35:25But would they have this establishment so far away?
00:35:29Oh, it's not far work from camp.
00:35:31It's a long way to all back.
00:35:34Anyway, tomorrow we are poking holes all over caravan site with spikes.
00:35:37I don't think they'll like that at all.
00:35:39Oh, it's all right.
00:35:40We're poking early.
00:35:43Before others are awake.
00:35:44Oh, yes, yes.
00:35:47Oh!
00:35:48Oh!
00:35:50Oh!
00:35:50Oh!
00:35:51Oh!
00:35:52Professor Crump, what are you doing?
00:35:54I...
00:35:54I...
00:35:54I slipped.
00:35:55Do you understand?
00:35:56I slipped.
00:35:57The atmosphere of Roman Naffy affecting you, you know?
00:36:00Yeah!
00:36:01What do you mean?
00:36:02I mean, place where soldiers are coming for drinking and for women.
00:36:05I...
00:36:05I...
00:36:05I never touch it.
00:36:07Never?
00:36:07Never.
00:36:08Perhaps you should try it.
00:36:10Certainly not.
00:36:11We have a saying in Russia.
00:36:13Oh, what does it mean?
00:36:16Never look if bird in beak.
00:36:18Oh.
00:36:18That.
00:36:19Ah.
00:36:21It was him!
00:36:27Time you had a shave, huh?
00:36:29Aye, give all that with me.
00:36:32Cheers.
00:36:33Give him.
00:36:33Oh!
00:36:35I think he's hungry.
00:36:36There you are.
00:36:38I...
00:36:38I don't think he's had any, did he?
00:36:40I don't know about that.
00:36:41He's had most of ours.
00:36:43I wonder where that chicken went.
00:36:45I don't know.
00:36:46Come to that.
00:36:47Where did them birds get to?
00:36:49I'm not really worried.
00:36:50There's plenty of them where they come from.
00:36:53Oh, come on.
00:36:53Enjoy yourself.
00:36:54We're supposed to be on holiday.
00:36:55I am enjoying myself.
00:36:57But you don't look like it.
00:36:58Well, I was.
00:37:00And you picked them birds up.
00:37:02Now I can't think of anything else.
00:37:05You know his trouble, don't you?
00:37:07He's crumpet-struck.
00:37:08I like that.
00:37:10So do we.
00:37:11It's you that's crumpet-struck.
00:37:14I wanted to go fishing.
00:37:16All right.
00:37:17You want to go fishing, we will go fishing.
00:37:20And bring us that plonk with you.
00:37:21He's good, lad.
00:37:22Olly!
00:37:25Olly!
00:37:26Olly!
00:37:28Good helpers!
00:37:37Olly!
00:37:42Olly!
00:37:45Olly!
00:37:45Olly!
00:37:47Olly!
00:37:49Olly!
00:37:49Olly!
00:37:51Found him all right, didn't I?
00:37:52Oh, look.
00:37:54Well, where was he?
00:37:56Must have been seven or eight miles away.
00:37:58Olly!
00:37:59I promised you a couple of quid.
00:38:02Yes, that's mine.
00:38:03One.
00:38:04Get off.
00:38:05Funny little chap.
00:38:07Little lad's trying to take me money.
00:38:10Mind you, I'm not complaining.
00:38:12But I must have used a couple of quids with a Wellington board
00:38:15bringing him back.
00:38:16Oh, Joe, give him some more.
00:38:18Little lad.
00:38:19Oh, oh!
00:38:20We've got some coal noces, hasn't he?
00:38:21Must be Elsie.
00:38:23Thank you, madam.
00:38:28Ah, Mr. Burns.
00:38:30I'm wanting you very badly.
00:38:31Why?
00:38:32What's the matter with him?
00:38:33We are thinking.
00:38:34Perhaps you're finding something in the alluvium.
00:38:36Don't tell me it's blocked up again.
00:38:38What she means is, we've just been in that hole you dug.
00:38:41Yeah?
00:38:42Well, there's a proper one over there.
00:38:44When you are digging hole, perhaps you're finding some artifacts, no?
00:38:48Artie what?
00:38:49You know, old Roman relics and swords, brooches, helmets.
00:38:53Oh, oh, oh, yes, I see.
00:38:56Supposing I did.
00:38:57We are wanting.
00:38:58Ah, yes, but what I find is mine.
00:39:01Well, we're willing to pay you for the articles.
00:39:03All right.
00:39:04Now you're talking.
00:39:06I'll bring you some round in the morning.
00:39:07Da.
00:39:10Hello, darling.
00:39:11Let's go.
00:39:12Let's go.
00:39:14Let's go.
00:39:15Come on.
00:39:15Do you want stuff in?
00:39:16Come on.
00:39:20Hey.
00:39:25Hey.
00:39:25That's what I call a rammer.
00:39:26What is that?
00:39:40Hey, you might knock or something.
00:39:42I was getting undressed.
00:39:44Is luxury undressing an expedition?
00:39:46When I was in Gobi Desert, we did not undress for ten weeks.
00:39:49You didn't take your clothes off for ten weeks.
00:39:52Well, most of them.
00:39:54Ah, I see.
00:39:56You see, it's necessary.
00:39:57If not, someone's stealing them.
00:39:59Oh, that won't happen here, I assure you.
00:40:15Great.
00:40:16It's good enough for Julius Caesar.
00:40:23Not that good.
00:40:24Who cares?
00:40:26Fred?
00:40:27Careful.
00:40:27You nearly tripped over that rope.
00:40:29Are you ready?
00:40:29You've got to be more careful, Fred.
00:40:30You could have...
00:40:31Ah, get your young fool.
00:40:34And be one more fancy.
00:40:37Be, be, be guile.
00:40:39Or Gwyneth Gwynn.
00:40:41Ah, God, I said.
00:40:45Hey, there's their gas stove.
00:40:48We do not want it, Ernest.
00:40:50Neither do we.
00:40:52I'll tell you what.
00:40:53I'll take it back to their tent.
00:40:55Good idea, her.
00:40:57Yeah.
00:40:57Then there is no excuse for them to come round here disreputate... disreputate... disreputate... disreputate in our train quality.
00:41:07Admirally putter.
00:41:08Thank you, Fred.
00:41:10Who's a good guardian?
00:41:12Look, you and I talking.
00:41:14Hello!
00:41:17Ernest!
00:41:17Is you all right?
00:41:19I've... I've dropped it.
00:41:21Ah!
00:41:22I've found it.
00:41:23Hey!
00:41:24Shh!
00:41:29Shh!
00:41:31Shh!
00:41:32Shh!
00:41:33Shh!
00:41:33All right, Fred.
00:41:37I'm in bed, Professor.
00:41:40Are you ready?
00:41:41Ready for what?
00:41:42For turning off the light.
00:41:45Oh, yes!
00:41:46Good night.
00:41:56What happened?
00:41:57Ah!
00:41:58Must be a strike of lightning, no?
00:41:59I've been struck!
00:42:00Oh!
00:42:01Oh!
00:42:02I'm injured!
00:42:03Oh!
00:42:04Oh!
00:42:04My hand is broken!
00:42:06Oh, no, no, no, worry!
00:42:07I-I-I am coming soon!
00:42:08Oh!
00:42:10Oh!
00:42:14Professor Kramzer!
00:42:15Professor Kramzer!
00:42:18Professor Kramzer!
00:42:18Professor Kramzer!
00:42:20No worry!
00:42:21I'm bandaging your bleeding head!
00:42:23What the hell did that, then?
00:42:28I've been struck by a strike of lightning, no?
00:42:31You perhaps, doctors?
00:42:32Why?
00:42:33Where's it hurt?
00:42:33No!
00:42:34Must be finding doctor's man is injured!
00:42:37What man?
00:42:38His professor of archeology is bleeding terrible!
00:42:41Never mind his qualifications!
00:42:42Is he hurt badly!
00:42:43He's hurt badly, da!
00:42:44He's in caravan!
00:42:45Don't worry!
00:42:46I will handle it!
00:42:47Thank you!
00:42:47It's very nice!
00:42:48Thank you!
00:42:49He was a lance corporal in the army medical corps!
00:42:52There!
00:42:52I'm going finding ambulance!
00:42:54Brad?
00:42:56Brad?
00:43:08How is it?
00:43:10Have you got a mirror?
00:43:11Why?
00:43:12Are we going out?
00:43:13I want a mirror!
00:43:15Yes, I'll...
00:43:16I'll get one.
00:43:22Oh!
00:43:23Good morning!
00:43:24Good night, Bonnie!
00:43:25It's you!
00:43:26It's me!
00:43:56What?
00:43:57Is...
00:43:57Is he dead?
00:43:58Of course he's dead!
00:44:02Then...
00:44:02What's the mirror for?
00:44:04I want a second opinion.
00:44:10Go on.
00:44:11Right.
00:44:13Robert, look
00:44:18He's still there
00:44:20Is the glass misted over?
00:44:26No
00:44:28He's dead
00:44:30Ah, no, I'm not, I'm not, am I?
00:44:34He must have been holding his breath
00:44:38It's all right, lovely boy, you're in good hands
00:44:40What are you?
00:44:41A butcher
00:44:42Oh, no
00:44:44It's all right, I know what I'm doing
00:44:46Haven't they got any real doctors?
00:44:48Just relax, tell me where it hurts, I'll start with your legs
00:44:50Oh, oh
00:44:52Ah, that hurts
00:44:55Oh, it hurts all over
00:44:59I suspect multiple fractions, we need splints
00:45:04Come on, don't hang about, break the damn thing off
00:45:06Oh, no
00:45:07Relax
00:45:08Oh, yes
00:45:11Oh
00:45:11Oh
00:45:12Oh
00:45:12Oh
00:45:12Oh
00:45:13Oh
00:45:14Oh
00:45:14Oh
00:45:15Oh
00:45:15Oh
00:45:15Oh
00:45:15Oh
00:45:18Methiodolite's broken
00:45:19What do we do?
00:45:21We'd better put a splint on that as well
00:45:52Here we are, my dear
00:46:21And to be struck down just as we were having it off
00:46:22Painful associations
00:46:25Um, what I mean is, um, what I mean is, you could sleep here if you wanted
00:46:31That is most kind of you
00:46:34That is most kind of you
00:46:35Oh, we're digging to do, aren't you?
00:46:37You want a good rest
00:46:40You might want to
00:46:41Thank you, but I'm already getting plenty
00:46:43Yes, but I'm not
00:46:44Then I must not keep you awake any longer, Major
00:46:49I'm sorry, Major, but I'm not loving you
00:46:51Yes, but
00:46:53You see, when I love a man, I give him everything
00:46:56I give it all
00:47:00But I don't want it all
00:47:02I just want a bit
00:47:04Hey
00:47:05Hey
00:47:06Hey
00:47:06Hey
00:47:07Oh, please
00:47:09Hey
00:47:10Bye, bye
00:47:12Bye
00:47:13Bye
00:47:14Thank you
00:47:14See you tomorrow
00:47:15Bye
00:47:16Bye
00:47:17Bye
00:47:17Bye
00:47:18Bye
00:47:19What happened?
00:47:20Oh
00:47:21Oh
00:47:22Oh
00:47:23Oh, dear
00:47:24He was struck by lightning
00:47:26We haven't had any lightning
00:47:27We have had you
00:47:31That's what did it
00:47:32You were mending it
00:47:34Aye, well
00:47:35Ernie put it back in your tent
00:47:36See, I'm
00:47:37Blew it up
00:47:39Well
00:47:40What are you going to do about it?
00:47:42Where are we going to sleep tonight?
00:47:44Shh
00:47:44Not so loud
00:47:46I'll tell you what
00:47:47Come in the van
00:47:48We'll discuss it
00:47:55Right, ladies
00:47:56I'll just make yourselves comfortable
00:47:59Ernie
00:48:00And don't worry
00:48:00We'll buy you a new tent
00:48:02Oh, yes
00:48:02And, er
00:48:03New bedding
00:48:04New
00:48:06Whatever else you lost
00:48:07What, tonight?
00:48:09Oh, not tonight
00:48:10Be reasonable
00:48:11Tonight you just have to
00:48:13Sleep here
00:48:16All right, then
00:48:18Oh, by the way
00:48:19Where are you two sleeping?
00:48:22Where do you think?
00:48:31Now, let's take a look at his head
00:48:32Oh, I will soon have you on your feet
00:48:36Oh, I feel so queer
00:48:37Yes, of course you do
00:48:46Here, what are you, a vampire?
00:48:51It's tomato sauce
00:48:52Tomato sauce?
00:48:53Or tomato ketchup
00:48:55What's the difference?
00:48:56Two beer bottle
00:48:56Is it?
00:48:58Anyway, it's not blood
00:48:58Well, I don't understand
00:49:00Neither do I
00:49:01So there's absolutely nothing wrong with him?
00:49:03Well, apart from that splinter in his
00:49:04Yes, well, that's quite enough, isn't it?
00:49:06Well, I'll attend to it in a minute
00:49:07Meanwhile, I think you owe us some sort of explanation
00:49:09Er, I do
00:49:10Yeah, I mean, you come in here
00:49:11Covered in tomato sauce
00:49:13And lashed up to a theodolite
00:49:14With a splinter in your
00:49:14Oh, well, I'm all confused
00:49:16It's all dreadfully confusing
00:49:19Now we're alone
00:49:19Try and remember exactly what happened
00:49:21Well, I got into bed
00:49:24And Miss Vushka turned out the light
00:49:26So you were in bed with a Miss Vushka?
00:49:28No, I was up to the other end
00:49:32The other end of what?
00:49:33The caravan
00:49:34She was up to the one end
00:49:35I was up the other
00:49:37And then I suddenly saw a quick flash
00:49:40Oh, did you?
00:49:41Yes, yes
00:49:42I thought at first it was lightning
00:49:44And then I suddenly received this bow and blow to the head
00:49:47And after that, I don't remember anything
00:49:49Just a moment
00:49:50I think I know where your splinter came from
00:49:52Do you where?
00:49:54From your splint
00:49:55Oh, well
00:49:56Well, it's dreadfully painful
00:49:58Do you think you could get it out?
00:50:00I'll take a look at it
00:50:01Nurse?
00:50:02It's a big one, Doctor
00:50:04Yes, I know
00:50:06But it's only a small splinter
00:50:20Hello
00:50:21Hello
00:50:21Hello, Miss Vushka
00:50:22Thank you
00:50:29Professor Krampe, you're recovering, no?
00:50:31Yes, except for a very sore toe
00:50:33Big toe
00:50:34Poor Professor Krampe
00:50:35But never mind
00:50:36We're up nice and early
00:50:38And bushy tail for making hoes
00:50:39Yes, but you mind if I have a cup of tea first?
00:50:41No, first we're making hoes, Professor Krampe
00:50:45Take your own off
00:50:53Hello, darling
00:50:55Mummy's still asleep?
00:50:56Thanks
00:50:57How did you sleep?
00:50:59Rotten
00:50:59So did I
00:51:01I missed you
00:51:02Well, you told me to sleep out here
00:51:04I'm sorry
00:51:05Only you made me angry
00:51:08Trouble is
00:51:09Now Mummy's moved into the caravan
00:51:11I don't know if we can
00:51:12Well, that's all right
00:51:13You can sleep out here with me
00:51:15But it's only a single bed
00:51:16There's plenty of room
00:51:19Look, I'll show you
00:51:20Stop it, you're waiting
00:51:22Ow!
00:51:24Arthur, what are you doing?
00:51:25I've just trodden in my breakfast
00:51:27Well, I wish you'd do it more quietly
00:51:36Lovely new laid eggs
00:51:40Whoa
00:51:42Whoa
00:51:43Oh, it's been a romenade
00:51:45Oh, dear old lord
00:51:47Oh, I can't get away from myself
00:51:52Ah, you're hitting underground spring
00:51:55It's the water main
00:52:22Someone's coming
00:52:34Morning
00:52:35Morning
00:52:36Morning
00:52:36Morning
00:52:38Nearly admiring the view
00:52:46I was looking over there
00:52:48I was looking over there
00:52:50That happens to be my wife
00:52:52Oh
00:53:11I must say
00:53:12You cook cornflakes
00:53:13Much better than herness does
00:53:15Thanks
00:53:16When are we going shopping?
00:53:18Oh, you mean the tent?
00:53:20And the rest
00:53:21We've lost all our clothes and everything
00:53:24I don't know how you did it
00:53:27Well, I don't neither
00:53:29To tell you the truth
00:53:30I think it was because we had too much wine
00:53:33Ah, burn
00:53:35What's that?
00:53:37It's a genuine Roman helmet
00:53:38Oh, isn't it?
00:53:39Looks more like an old tin hat
00:53:41With a rim knock on
00:53:41Yeah, well, you're not an archaeologist, are you?
00:53:44Yes, well, now, look
00:53:45I'm getting reports that the showers
00:53:46Aren't working properly
00:53:47Don't ask me
00:53:48I'll never use them
00:53:49Oh, that's obvious
00:53:50Oh, now
00:53:51I'll check inside
00:53:53You, uh, look at the stock
00:54:03Damn vandals
00:54:05Some damn fools turned them off
00:54:14Turn that damn thing off
00:54:16You turn me off
00:54:17You women, I am
00:54:17And that's a matter of opinion
00:54:19Ah
00:54:20Oh
00:54:21Oh
00:54:22Oh
00:54:24Harness, sit down
00:54:26No, you can't sit down
00:54:27You see, I think I'm
00:54:29Oh
00:54:33I don't care what you say
00:54:35There are some very odd people on this site
00:54:38You're making it up
00:54:39I am not. And what about that peeping, Tom? I'd like to know what he is.
00:54:54Oh, hello, Major. No sign of him, I suppose.
00:54:57Ah, sign of whom?
00:54:58My minor bird.
00:55:00Oh, no, no, no, no. What do we intend to do is to broadcast the fact that he's lost.
00:55:04Broadcast it?
00:55:05Yes, from our new public address system.
00:55:08Come with me. I'll show it to you.
00:55:19Damn it, man, that's not the colour I ordered.
00:55:21It's what we were given.
00:55:23I ordered leaf green.
00:55:25That's not leaf green. You'll have to change it.
00:55:29Are you finished?
00:55:31Just about.
00:55:32Well, I'm glad something's finished. We're opening this damn place on Saturday.
00:55:35Sit down, my dear.
00:55:37No.
00:55:39Come on.
00:55:41We'll try it.
00:55:42Well, I'm finished testing it yet.
00:55:43That's just what I'm about to do.
00:55:46Got it.
00:55:52Good morning, Caravallers. This is Major Leap speaking.
00:56:03And this is one of the amenities we have installed to make your stay here more enjoyable.
00:56:26All the site news at regular intervals and any urgent messages. It will also enable me to keep in touch
00:56:34with my staff and see that they're doing their job properly.
00:56:37And now, one or two reminders of sight of the regulations.
00:56:42These are made for everybody's benefit.
00:56:45And now, someone has deliberately ripped one off.
00:56:53And for those responsible for puncturing the water.
00:56:57A warning.
00:56:59A valuable talking minor bird.
00:57:02And that is all for the moment. Message ends.
00:57:06That order gets some results.
00:57:36Good stuff.
00:57:38Roman paving.
00:57:40Roman paving.
00:57:40Showing pictures of an erotic nature.
00:57:44One of the pictures is showing an, um, a weenus.
00:57:49A what?
00:57:50A weenus.
00:57:53Certainly you must know what a weenus is, no?
00:57:55Oh, it's not a one thing or the other, really, is it?
00:57:58A weenus, Professor Crump, is the goddess of love.
00:58:02Oh, you mean a Venus.
00:58:04It's what I am saying.
00:58:05Weenus.
00:58:06We, we, we, we, yes, yes.
00:58:09Okay, next to her is standing your man who's holding his, ah, I don't know where the, you are seeing
00:58:16what man is holding in his hand, no?
00:58:18Yes.
00:58:19What are you calling it in English?
00:58:21Well, you have a very large choice, really.
00:58:23No, it's not.
00:58:24It's one short word.
00:58:25Much to the point.
00:58:26Well, it's, it's long weapon with bend in middle.
00:58:31Oh, you mean a bow.
00:58:33Oh, a bow, a bow and arrow.
00:58:35I thought you meant the chap was firing it.
00:58:36In England, we call him Cupid or Eros.
00:58:39It's not mattering, Professor Crump.
00:58:41You will continue now.
00:58:44He is firing arrow, which is hitting people in arts.
00:58:49In what?
00:58:50Hitting people in arts.
00:58:53In arts.
00:58:54Arts.
00:58:57Oh, I see.
00:58:59There.
00:59:00Da.
00:59:06It is time for knocking it off.
00:59:08For what?
00:59:16You shouldn't have brought us all this.
00:59:17No, it was ever so nice of you.
00:59:19Still.
00:59:20We'll make it up to you.
00:59:22Oh.
00:59:22I wonder what they'd like.
00:59:25We'll soon have this up for you.
00:59:26Oh, thanks.
00:59:27Anyway, we'll just pop in the caravan and get our things off.
00:59:34Do you reckon?
00:59:36It looks like it.
00:59:38Waste of time putting it up then.
00:59:40I wouldn't say that, Eros.
00:59:45Hi.
00:59:46Hi.
00:59:47We're ready.
00:59:49Jack.
00:59:51All right.
00:59:56Where are you going?
00:59:57Swimming.
00:59:58See you.
00:59:59Bye.
01:00:00Come on.
01:00:00Here, I'll teach you the dress.
01:00:02Come on.
01:00:05Forget about them.
01:00:07Eh?
01:00:09Oh, I have.
01:00:10No, you haven't.
01:00:12You were brooding over that Sandra.
01:00:15Well, I was beginning to enjoy myself.
01:00:18Be philosophical.
01:00:20Plenty of time to pick up two more.
01:00:22Not like Sandra.
01:00:25If you ask me, we had a lucky escape.
01:00:28It's a nice pub, eh?
01:00:29It reminds me of the one we used to have.
01:00:33Oh, you had a pub?
01:00:34Yes, until my husband gave it up.
01:00:37It's damned hard work running a pub.
01:00:40It was too hard for him.
01:00:41He got worn out just sitting there watching me do all the work.
01:00:44Are you?
01:00:46Separated, yes.
01:00:47I haven't seen my husband for ten years.
01:00:49Careful, no.
01:00:50No, thank you.
01:00:51He was enough.
01:00:52No.
01:00:55Be careful not to drink it.
01:00:57No, I think I'm all right.
01:00:59I do, too.
01:01:01Major.
01:01:02No, I'm sorry.
01:01:04I mean, not in here.
01:01:06I had an idea.
01:01:08What about popping back to my caravan?
01:01:10For a quick one?
01:01:12Yes, why not?
01:01:20Good night.
01:01:21Oh, good night, madam.
01:01:22Good night.
01:01:23Good night, Major.
01:01:26Major.
01:01:27He's a guard, he is.
01:01:28He calls himself a major.
01:01:31Well, isn't he that?
01:01:32More like a major disaster.
01:01:34Yeah, he's got the caravan site down the road.
01:01:37He's most likely nipping back, see if it's still there.
01:01:40What do you mean?
01:01:40Somebody might have nicked it.
01:01:41No, he might have gone down one of them holes.
01:01:44Down one of what holes?
01:01:45Oh, the whole perishing field is full of big holes.
01:01:48It's the underground mining workings.
01:01:50I reckon the Romans dug them.
01:01:51Well, we're up there and we haven't seen any holes.
01:01:53No, you're not likely to.
01:01:55Until the ground opens and down you go, one of them.
01:01:58Yeah, listen.
01:01:59He paid 2,000 quid for that bit of land.
01:02:032,000 quid.
01:02:08I do not think that is very funny.
01:02:11Nor me.
01:02:11Why are you laughing?
01:02:12Because I'm the one who sold it to him.
01:02:25That's not funny.
01:02:27Major, I do believe you're trying to get me sloshed.
01:02:30Oh, what's above?
01:02:32No, there's no need to.
01:02:33What I mean was,
01:02:36I'm only a damn swine
01:02:39trying to get a girl drunk first.
01:02:42First?
01:02:42Well, if you damn wish,
01:02:43I'm getting a drunk after.
01:02:45Whoops.
01:02:45No.
01:02:46Oh, no.
01:02:48What I meant.
01:02:49Ah.
01:02:49Yes, what I meant.
01:02:51Would you care for a spot of music?
01:02:53Yes, why not?
01:02:58This will get you in the mood for it.
01:03:00Get me in the mood for what?
01:03:02A spot of the old house, your father.
01:03:08This will get you going.
01:03:09It certainly will.
01:03:12Good night,
01:03:13and thank you for a most delightful evening.
01:03:17What a peculiar woman.
01:03:27Oh, he wants to go out.
01:03:29Good.
01:03:34Come on, close the door.
01:03:39It's nippy in here.
01:03:43And come back to bed.
01:03:45Well, look, somebody's got to let him in.
01:03:47Oh, to hell with him.
01:03:50Joe?
01:03:52Joe?
01:03:53He's gone into next door's tent thing.
01:03:56No.
01:04:04Linda.
01:04:17Oh, I say, I'm most awfully sorry.
01:04:19He didn't half give me a turn.
01:04:21Well, where is he?
01:04:22Under there.
01:04:23Oh.
01:04:24Oh.
01:04:26Oh.
01:04:28Oh.
01:04:28Oh.
01:04:29Oh.
01:04:31Oh.
01:04:31He slipped up.
01:04:32I couldn't help it.
01:04:34She came in after it.
01:04:35I just tried to grab hold of it.
01:04:38Oh, yes.
01:04:45What's the matter?
01:04:46I'd like you to sleep in the annex.
01:04:48Why?
01:04:48Because from now on,
01:04:49Arthur is sleeping in here.
01:04:51Oh, all right.
01:04:51But I thought he was happy out there.
01:04:53He was.
01:04:54Too happy.
01:05:00Hello, darling.
01:05:03Hello, darling.
01:05:05Ciao, Rebecca.
01:05:19Professor Crump?
01:05:21Professor Crump?
01:05:24Yes.
01:05:25You were talking in your sleep.
01:05:27Oh, I was.
01:05:29Was I?
01:05:29You was.
01:05:30What was I saying?
01:05:32You were saying,
01:05:33Darling, let me see your knickers.
01:05:36Oh, yes.
01:05:38Well, no.
01:05:39I expect what I probably said was,
01:05:41show us your knicker.
01:05:43Ah, knicker is only one leg, no?
01:05:45No, it's a slang expression,
01:05:47meaning a pound.
01:05:49Expression for money.
01:05:50So you're wanting to know
01:05:52where I'm hiding my money?
01:05:53Yes, that's right, of course.
01:05:55In my sleep, of course.
01:05:57I mean, I don't know
01:05:57what I'm saying in my sleep.
01:05:59Then how you know
01:06:00I'm hiding my money in my knickers?
01:06:02Well, I didn't know,
01:06:03but are you?
01:06:04Certainly.
01:06:05It's only a safe place
01:06:06in explorations.
01:06:07It depends on what you're exploring.
01:06:10Professor Crump.
01:06:12Where you hiding yours?
01:06:15I'm not hiding anything.
01:06:17I keep mine in my trousers.
01:06:18Really?
01:06:26Good morning.
01:06:28Good morning.
01:06:29Are you all right?
01:06:31You look awful.
01:06:33Me and Harness
01:06:33had a evening out last night.
01:06:35Yes, we heard you coming home.
01:06:38Well, we haven't seen
01:06:39much of you lately.
01:06:40We've taken up archaeology.
01:06:42Have you dug anything up?
01:06:43Yes, a couple of Roman soldiers.
01:06:45Two thousand years old.
01:06:46Well, they won't do you much good.
01:06:48Oh, I don't know.
01:06:49They look better than you do now.
01:06:51That's a good one.
01:06:54Ed?
01:06:55Ed?
01:06:56Goodbye.
01:06:56See you later.
01:06:57Fred?
01:06:58Could I speak to Mr. O'Sullivan,
01:07:00will you?
01:07:01Barnes, get rid of that.
01:07:03Right.
01:07:07Dear, oh dear.
01:07:08You have made ash of them.
01:07:11It's your governor, mate.
01:07:12He's had the colour change five times.
01:07:14You want to get that lot off, mate,
01:07:16to start again?
01:07:17You get it off.
01:07:18We ain't got any paint stripper.
01:07:20Ask him to get you some.
01:07:22You ask him.
01:07:24Right.
01:07:25We want a girl singer for the cabaret.
01:07:29You know, it's a bad line.
01:07:30Stop that hammering.
01:07:32Hello.
01:07:33It's about them chairs.
01:07:34Barnes, please.
01:07:35I'm on long distance.
01:07:37You'll all have to come off.
01:07:38Barnes.
01:07:39I'm talking to a theatrical agent.
01:07:41I'm very sorry about that.
01:07:43Where was I?
01:07:44We need a stripper.
01:07:45We need a stripper.
01:07:46Barnes, what are you going on about?
01:07:48We need a paint stripper for them chairs.
01:07:51Well, you can't have any.
01:07:52Now get out of it.
01:07:54Oh, I'm desperately sorry about that.
01:07:57Where was I?
01:07:58Oh, you've got just a girl.
01:07:59Oh, jolly girl.
01:08:00I'll leave it all to you, sir.
01:08:02Veronica.
01:08:03Yeah.
01:08:03As long as you can get here by eight, will you know?
01:08:05Right.
01:08:06Goodbye.
01:08:12You're doing very well.
01:08:14That's very good, Clive.
01:08:15Thank you, sir.
01:08:16Creep.
01:08:17Yes, carry on scraping.
01:08:24What do you make of it?
01:08:25It's old Roman tool.
01:08:27Must have been a very old Roman.
01:08:31Just to remind you that the clubhouse will be opened in one hour from now.
01:08:37Ah, Barnes.
01:08:39You better go and smarten yourself up, haven't you?
01:08:40You're serving behind the bar.
01:08:41What's that?
01:08:43It's a telegram.
01:08:44Oh.
01:08:51Can't stand health farm.
01:08:53Arriving tonight, Sylvia and Vera.
01:08:57Look, I don't know any Sylvia and Vera.
01:08:59That's because it's not for you.
01:09:01Well, why the hell didn't you say so?
01:09:02You didn't give me a chance.
01:09:04I'll come in here so you can announce it over that thing.
01:09:06No.
01:09:06Oh, you...
01:09:10This is major speed leaking.
01:09:13Speaking.
01:09:14And here is another announcement.
01:09:16Go on, eat it one with your shovel.
01:09:17Oh, you...
01:09:36Shhh!
01:09:41Shhh!
01:09:42Shhh!
01:09:43Shhh!
01:09:44Hehehehe!
01:09:46What is it?
01:09:47It's fly spray!
01:09:51Fly spray?
01:09:52Yes!
01:10:01There's some local talent going past.
01:10:04Coming!
01:10:05I've got a feeling I'm going to be alright tonight.
01:10:08I am as well.
01:10:17Zip me up, darling.
01:10:23Don't do that. Mummy wouldn't like it.
01:10:25Mummy's not going to get it.
01:10:26You don't mean that. I mean, she might come in.
01:10:28Where is she?
01:10:29She went for a shower.
01:10:31Ready!
01:10:32Just coming.
01:10:33Hello, darling. Show us your knickers.
01:10:36There's a man in here.
01:10:41Hello, darling.
01:10:44It's a minor bird.
01:10:46What?
01:10:47Aren't you the lady that lost one?
01:10:49Is it yours?
01:10:50That stuff.
01:10:51Mine would never see things like that.
01:10:55I can't go into the lady's shower.
01:10:57There's a man in there already.
01:10:59Yes, but...
01:11:00It might attack someone.
01:11:01You're right. Me.
01:11:02Oh!
01:11:03Oh!
01:11:07All right, ladies.
01:11:08Where is he?
01:11:11Henry.
01:11:13Henry!
01:11:14What's up?
01:11:16It's my husband.
01:11:20Oh!
01:11:21What a beauty!
01:11:35Yes, sir?
01:11:36Where's Boggs?
01:11:37somebody said he'd fainted fainted well in the showers oh too much for him I
01:11:43suppose a lady took him back to his caravan
01:11:55how's your pudding how's my what you're putting your steak and kidney pudding
01:12:01no one can do it like you can I haven't done it for years why not well nobody
01:12:06but you ever liked it oh what are you doing down here anyway oh I'm working what as I'm an
01:12:17odd job
01:12:17man odd job man oh really Henry don't get on to me look Henry if you need a few quid
01:12:27oh no no it's
01:12:29not that I've been living rough saving money I've been saving saving you don't say anything
01:12:46yeah have a look at my bank book
01:12:5020,000 pounds I don't believe it don't write it down if you don't put it in where did you
01:12:58get it
01:12:58saved it what as an odd job man yep you must have been doing some very odd jobs I've been
01:13:05scrimping and saving for 10 years and then last year yes I won the football pools
01:13:13how much how much 19,950 quid you're joking it's all your stuff if you want it every penny of
01:13:23it
01:13:24Henry I don't know what to say no one else is there well no but come back to me there
01:13:34I'll
01:13:35slot myself up I'll try and be a good husband I'll do anything you want anything Henry this is this
01:13:42is
01:13:42all so sudden I'll have to have time to think oh we're not from the caravan site no we're from
01:13:54the village oh um would you care to dance then oh I'd love to oh sorry what about you then
01:14:07yeah no I uh I can't do it anymore do what dance oh well that's all right then so I
01:14:18think we should
01:14:19be concentrating on opening first excavation no well I don't know because after all no first we'll be
01:14:25opening house where soldiers are coming for women yes I suppose you know by now what we've been doing
01:14:32in that field I'm afraid it's no concern of mine I'm a civilian I'm also married
01:14:42I don't understand why a dog can't sleep outside the caravan oh Joe that's not fair last night he
01:14:48tried to get into bed with us he could cause havoc in bed with his bone no he gets lonely
01:14:54I don't care
01:14:55if he does get lonely he's not getting in bed with us I'm the cabaret sorry I'm late oh that's
01:15:16all
01:15:16right don't worry please I'm glad you could make it I was a bit worried about your music you see
01:15:23we
01:15:24have a piano of course I brought it with me on tape oh really what are you seeing oh I
01:15:28don't
01:15:28see you don't no I'm a dancer oh well never mind I'm sure you'll go down well
01:15:41ladies and gentlemen please may I have your attention ladies and gentlemen please be seated
01:15:46it's cabaret time ready when you are
01:15:58so
01:16:09so
01:16:10so
01:16:10so
01:16:24Let's go.
01:16:47Good Lord, I believe she's doing a striptease.
01:16:51Looks like it.
01:16:54Damn it, that's not what I ordered.
01:17:00Sugarhouse, wait!
01:17:16What is Lady doing?
01:17:17It's a kind of dance.
01:17:19It's very peculiar.
01:17:21In my country, we don't have dance like this.
01:17:23No, you have mixed bathing instead.
01:17:26But Lady is not taking bath.
01:17:30I hope she doesn't go too far.
01:18:02I hope she doesn't go too far.
01:18:10It's wrong for Lady showing her knickers in public, no?
01:18:13Yes, I agree.
01:18:15So, we are leaving.
01:18:31Oh, I can't stand up.
01:18:33Well, I told you you should have worn him.
01:18:38I can't stand up.
01:18:42I can't stand up.
01:18:43Get off!
01:18:45Get out of here!
01:18:46Get out of here!
01:18:49Get out of here!
01:18:50Get out of here!
01:18:54What are we going to do?
01:18:55We can't go home like this!
01:18:57Well, I've got an even thread.
01:18:58Have you?
01:18:58Yes.
01:18:58Come on, let's go.
01:18:59Oh, yes.
01:19:00Oh, it's an orgy.
01:19:03I shall have my license taken away.
01:19:05Oh, oh, cheers.
01:19:07Bottom of the...
01:19:10I shall get to the bottom of this.
01:19:13I feel a complete arse.
01:19:15Oh, it's coming on to rain.
01:19:17We all can't get in there.
01:19:19It's all right.
01:19:20We can go in that caravan.
01:19:21Is it yours?
01:19:22No, but they won't mind.
01:19:29Hang on!
01:19:29Let's go down our old man-man!
01:19:31What?
01:19:31Come on!
01:19:32Yes.
01:19:32Hey!
01:19:35It's going to be quick.
01:19:36It's going to rain any minute.
01:19:41It's all right.
01:19:42We haven't come to disturb you.
01:19:44Come in, lads.
01:19:44Yes.
01:19:45Take yourselves at home.
01:19:47Sit yourself down.
01:19:48Ernest, the drinks?
01:19:50No.
01:20:03Oh, look at that!
01:20:05Oh, words!
01:20:07Come here, darling.
01:20:12Well, it's awful weather we're having lovely and healthy.
01:20:18Down in there!
01:20:19Down in there!
01:20:23Down in there!
01:20:25Down in there!
01:20:25We haven't done this for ten years.
01:20:28Well, don't talk so much.
01:20:29Get on with it.
01:20:30Here.
01:20:31Oh.
01:20:32Have a look at this.
01:20:34Well, lay it on the table so I can see it.
01:20:36Right.
01:20:37Oh, you've got two.
01:20:38Yeah.
01:20:39Two aces and three kings.
01:20:41It's a full ask.
01:20:45Well, I...
01:20:45I have.
01:20:46Oh, don't go.
01:20:48Give us a kiss.
01:20:49Now, don't start that again.
01:20:51I've told you.
01:20:51I haven't decided yet.
01:20:53Well, give us a kiss and then decide.
01:20:56No.
01:20:57Now, deal.
01:20:58The cards.
01:21:00Although, I don't know where Mummy can have got to.
01:21:02Perhaps some fella picked her up.
01:21:04Don't be so coarse.
01:21:05All right.
01:21:05Perhaps she picked up some fella.
01:21:09Ow!
01:21:10So's your right.
01:21:40It's making fun.
01:21:41You're making nice, too, no?
01:21:42You like it so much.
01:21:43Why did you come up this end?
01:21:45Professor, you're making invitation, no?
01:21:48No, I meant you come up this end and I'll come up your end.
01:21:52No, no.
01:21:53It's nicer this end.
01:22:04Nice to have him back.
01:22:07I missed him, you know.
01:22:09Me, too.
01:22:19What's that?
01:22:20What's that?
01:22:25Look at the time.
01:22:26We've been playing all night.
01:22:28Just like we used to.
01:22:29Well, I must go.
01:22:30No, no.
01:22:31Yes, I must.
01:22:31Yes, yes.
01:22:33Yes.
01:22:34Yes.
01:22:35Yes.
01:22:35Yes.
01:22:35Yes.
01:22:36Yes.
01:22:38Yes.
01:22:39What's happened?
01:22:40Who cares?
01:22:51Oh, not the professor.
01:22:53It's all right.
01:22:54I'm just going.
01:22:55Oh, it's no rush.
01:22:56It's no rush.
01:22:56Oh, no, no.
01:22:59It's no rush.
01:23:00It's no rush.
01:23:01No.
01:23:07What's happening?
01:23:08It's them holes.
01:23:09They warned us.
01:23:10The old caravan side's riddled with big holes.
01:23:13Well, we seem to be all right.
01:23:15Better check, though.
01:23:16Ernest?
01:23:22You all right?
01:23:23Yes.
01:23:24I don't think there's any holes around here.
01:23:26No.
01:23:29What's the matter?
01:23:30Oh.
01:23:34Oh.
01:23:34Oh.
01:23:35Oh.
01:23:36Oh.
01:23:37Oh.
01:23:37Oh.
01:23:37Oh.
01:23:38Oh.
01:23:46Oh, Barnes.
01:23:47You are coming back.
01:23:48Yes.
01:23:49I may do, Major.
01:23:50When?
01:23:51And next year, on our holidays.
01:23:54Drive on, Arthur.
01:24:10Come again.
01:24:13Oh.
01:24:14How do you do?
01:24:15Oh, a couple of birds we picked up.
01:24:18Oh.
01:24:18Oh.
01:24:18I think we're going to be all right with these two.
01:24:31Isn't it exciting?
01:24:33Yes.
01:24:34so that is what they're calling having it up no yeah yeah not so loud put your piece in
01:24:50thank you very much for your lovely gift oh that's all right it was nothing I can't think why she
01:24:55sold him get stuffed show us your knickers oh yeah oh it's the messenger bell
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