- 2 weeks ago
Head Witch in Charge
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01.
00:00:25Jesus.
00:00:26Mom, can you at least warn me
00:00:28when you're gonna do that, please?
00:00:30Oh, please.
00:00:32Don't be such a child.
00:00:33Do you still have the Wand of Light?
00:00:45See?
00:00:46The all-powerful magic heirloom.
00:00:48Still safe and sound.
00:00:50Well, you should be more careful.
00:00:51The Wand of Light has the power
00:00:53to grant its user their deepest desires.
00:00:56Yeah.
00:00:56And if it falls into the wrong hands,
00:00:59it would become the most dangerous weapon in the world.
00:01:03But a marriage to another noble witch family
00:01:06would only strengthen your power.
00:01:08Yeah.
00:01:09Unless it's an evil Svensson, right?
00:01:12The Svensons are our worst enemies, Leona.
00:01:15Do you know how much our family has suffered
00:01:18over the centuries because of them?
00:01:20I know.
00:01:22Sorry.
00:01:23You are the guardian of the Wand of Light, Leona.
00:01:27And you can't reach your full potential
00:01:29until you marry and succeed me as head of the family.
00:01:33Come home with a husband next week,
00:01:35or I will pick one for you.
00:01:37What?
00:01:37Mom, no.
00:01:39Please don't.
00:01:40Leona Sherwood,
00:01:41you are getting married
00:01:42whether you like the boy I pick or not.
00:01:45Mom, please.
00:01:46Understand?
00:01:49Don't worry, Mom.
00:01:51I'm the responsible daughter.
00:01:53Remember.
00:02:01Okay, Leona Sherwood.
00:02:03This is your last weekend of freedom.
00:02:09For two more nights,
00:02:11fuck my responsibility.
00:02:14I'm gonna have some fun.
00:02:29That would be $25.
00:02:32I think you mean it's on the house, right?
00:02:36Right.
00:02:37It's on the house.
00:02:57There you are,
00:02:58little Miss Sherwood.
00:03:06Where the hell are you?
00:03:07I'm in Vegas like I said it would be old man.
00:03:09Hey, don't you get smart with me,
00:03:11you little shit.
00:03:13Remember your mission.
00:03:15Seduce the Sherwood heir and marry her,
00:03:17and then that whole obnoxious family
00:03:19will be there to pay off our debts.
00:03:21You mean your debts?
00:03:22Quiet!
00:03:22It's bad enough
00:03:23that I have a sorry excuse for an heir.
00:03:26You are an embarrassment
00:03:27to the Spence in name.
00:03:30Now, if you don't marry the Sherwood girl
00:03:32like I told you,
00:03:33I am going to sell your little sister off
00:03:36to old Fitzgerald to be his fourth wife.
00:03:39Dad, secret is just a kid.
00:03:41When I want your opinion,
00:03:43I will ask for it until then.
00:03:45You shut up and do as I say.
00:03:47Do you understand?
00:03:49Yeah.
00:03:50I understand.
00:03:51Good!
00:03:52And you!
00:03:53Keep practicing!
00:03:55You sound god-awful!
00:03:57Heartless fucking bastard.
00:04:13It's two of us.
00:04:15You're saying you don't remember me?
00:04:18Who remembers Shippen and his dumb teens anyways?
00:04:20No way.
00:04:22Totally.
00:04:22I love that show.
00:04:23I watched it in one sitting at like 2am.
00:04:26This is one of my favorites.
00:04:27It definitely doesn't get the love that it deserves.
00:04:30But I think it's one of the best ones.
00:04:31Really?
00:04:33I never begged you for a sappy romance kind of guy.
00:04:38Looks can be deceiving.
00:04:44The wand of light.
00:04:46So it does exist.
00:04:48Maybe I'm just jaded.
00:04:50It's hard to believe that love like that actually exists in real life.
00:04:53Why not?
00:04:54We're witches.
00:04:56Monsters and magic exist in our world.
00:04:58Why can't true love?
00:05:01I'm Lele, by the way.
00:05:04Lele Collins.
00:05:08Eric Phillips.
00:05:09Nice to meet you, Lele Collins.
00:05:12Damn.
00:05:13He's hot.
00:05:14And I'm in Vegas.
00:05:15I deserve a little fun.
00:05:17Well, Eric Phillips.
00:05:19I'll be in the poker room tonight.
00:05:21Maybe I'll see you there.
00:05:23Maybe.
00:05:42Okay, Svenson.
00:05:44Don't fuck this up.
00:05:59Eric motherfucking Svenson.
00:06:01Excuse me?
00:06:02You ghosted me for three months after sleeping with me?
00:06:04And you think you can sit there and act like nothing happened?
00:06:07I think you've got me confused with someone else.
00:06:09Don't gaslight me, Svenson.
00:06:11I know exactly who you are.
00:06:27You know who she is?
00:06:29I think she's got me confused with someone else.
00:06:43You nervous?
00:06:44Not at all.
00:06:47You can always fold, you know.
00:06:49I'd hate to send you home empty-handed.
00:06:53Not a chance.
00:06:55I'm here to win.
00:06:57You sure?
00:06:58Seems like your focus is somewhere else.
00:07:01Oh.
00:07:02I am very focused.
00:07:07Are you guys done making gugu eyes at each other or what?
00:07:12You're full of shit, Phillips.
00:07:14I call.
00:07:15Yeah, there is no way that you have this.
00:07:18But don't worry.
00:07:20I'll let you go another round.
00:07:22Once I beat you.
00:07:23Actually, I think I'm about to hit the jackpot.
00:07:29Eric?
00:07:50I've wanted to do that since I saw you by the pool in your bikini.
00:07:53Eric.
00:07:54Everyone can see.
00:07:56Do you want me to stop?
00:08:02You're a little bit scared.
00:08:08I'm not going to go too.
00:08:13No.
00:08:14No.
00:08:16No.
00:08:16No.
00:08:25No.
00:08:25No.
00:08:26No.
00:08:26No.
00:08:27No.
00:08:28Wait, please don't stop.
00:08:31Use your words.
00:08:33Tell me what you want.
00:08:35I want your tongue inside me.
00:08:37Please.
00:08:38That's a good girl.
00:08:45Eric.
00:08:49Wait, wait, I think I'm gonna...
00:08:53Was that some kind of vision?
00:08:58No, that was from him.
00:09:09Lucky son of a bitch.
00:09:11Beginner Lux, let's see you do it again next hand.
00:09:14No can do.
00:09:16I have a date with a very pretty lady.
00:09:24Why do I have the feeling that you're not exactly as you present?
00:09:28Eric Phillips.
00:09:31It is Vegas.
00:09:33Isn't that part of the fun?
00:09:46You know, it wasn't very nice of you to tease me with your strap of your dress during our game.
00:09:54It's very distracting.
00:09:57Well, you know, it wasn't very nice of you to send me that little vision during our game.
00:10:02I just wanted to give you a little sneak preview.
00:10:14Eric, there are people.
00:10:15And if you're quiet, they won't see you.
00:10:21I should stop.
00:10:23This wasn't how the plan was supposed to go.
00:10:25You know, you were right before.
00:10:26I'm not who I say I am.
00:10:28And who out there is exactly as they present.
00:10:32But I am...
00:10:33Look, I don't care who you are outside of this.
00:10:36For once in my life, I...
00:10:39I just want to forget about everything.
00:10:42Just live in the moment.
00:10:44And I think you...
00:10:47Can help me do that.
00:10:55Remove the camouflage.
00:10:57I want you to see you.
00:11:00The real you.
00:11:02But then you'll know who I am.
00:11:05I already know who you are.
00:11:07The real you...
00:11:08Wants to let go.
00:11:15No one's ever looked at me like that.
00:11:17He really wants me.
00:11:20The real me.
00:11:21Fuck.
00:11:23You are gorgeous.
00:11:27I want you, Eric.
00:11:30I need you.
00:11:35Spread your legs for me.
00:11:41Keep your eyes open.
00:11:44I want you to watch yourself come all over my fingers.
00:11:53Keep your eyes open.
00:12:00I thought you said that they couldn't hear me.
00:12:02They can't if you stay quiet.
00:12:04Keep your eyes open.
00:12:06Or else die.
00:12:11That's a good girl.
00:12:12Look down at my hand.
00:12:19Oh my god.
00:12:20They hurt me.
00:12:21I can't.
00:12:22Just relax.
00:12:25I can't, Eric.
00:12:28It's okay.
00:12:29Don't think.
00:12:31Just kill.
00:12:33Tell me how you feel.
00:12:35So good.
00:12:37But I need more, Eric.
00:12:42You feel so good.
00:12:44I can't wait to put my mouth on you.
00:12:48I'm sorry.
00:12:49I'm going to make you come.
00:12:51I'll beat you there.
00:12:53I'm going to kill it now.
00:12:55I'm going to want you to scream my name when it comes.
00:12:58Five.
00:13:00Four.
00:13:01Four.
00:13:03Two.
00:13:07Four.
00:13:09Four.
00:13:28I can't believe I just came on his hand in front of other people.
00:13:33I think this is your floor.
00:13:41I'll be at the fountain tomorrow at 8 o'clock if you decide that you want more.
00:13:47See you there.
00:13:58How did he know what floor I was on?
00:14:06So you've told me all about your wild sister and the things that she's done.
00:14:11What about you?
00:14:13Me?
00:14:15I'm the responsible sister.
00:14:17The boring one, if you will.
00:14:20And I do what I'm supposed to do with all the rules and all that good stuff.
00:14:25I don't believe you.
00:14:27I mean, I know how you are in an elevator.
00:14:29Oh, come on.
00:14:33Come on.
00:14:34It's Vegas.
00:14:35Let me be your bad influence.
00:14:37Just for tonight.
00:14:41So, any bad ideas?
00:14:47Just one.
00:14:54What are you doing?
00:15:12No games.
00:15:13Just fuck me already.
00:15:15I thought I would try to woo you first.
00:15:16Consider me wooed.
00:15:18Then we could take it slow?
00:15:19Your lips say one thing, but your body says something else.
00:15:35Wait.
00:15:37Shit.
00:15:39I almost lost my cool.
00:15:40I gotta remember the plan.
00:15:44Oh, my God.
00:15:46I can't believe I just did that.
00:15:47That was so embarrassing.
00:15:48This is why I don't do crazy shit.
00:15:50That was way too much.
00:15:52Hey.
00:15:52You're never too much.
00:15:54You don't understand, Eric.
00:15:56Okay, if my family saw me do any of that, they would freak out.
00:15:59Tonight's not about your family.
00:16:01Tonight's about you.
00:16:02Remember?
00:16:03Forget what everyone else has told you to do.
00:16:06Do something that you want to do.
00:16:08Something no one would expect.
00:16:10Maybe he's right.
00:16:12I've spent my whole life doing what my family's told me to do.
00:16:18For once in my life, I'm doing something for myself.
00:16:22She spotted the chapel.
00:16:25Just like I planned.
00:16:29So are you, uh, you sure about this marriage thing?
00:16:32It's only temporary.
00:16:34Okay, and old magic is weak.
00:16:35The hand fast bond will probably only last till the morning.
00:16:39So, are you ready for a holy matrimony?
00:16:42I'm ready if you're ready.
00:16:44Ah!
00:16:45Come on!
00:16:47Come on!
00:16:49Let's go!
00:16:55You nervous?
00:16:58Just never been married before.
00:17:07Uh, it's my sister.
00:17:08I need to take this.
00:17:09Oh, yeah.
00:17:10Take your time.
00:17:11Elvis here wants me to pick out a hand fast bouquet.
00:17:14Hey, mama.
00:17:14Let's get some flowers for you.
00:17:15Come on.
00:17:15Let's do it.
00:17:17You need to come home.
00:17:19Now.
00:17:19I can't.
00:17:20Secret.
00:17:21Eric, Dad's up to something.
00:17:23He invited Fitzgerald to the house and made me dress up.
00:17:26He looks at me weird.
00:17:27It really freaks me out.
00:17:29You were my big brother, E.
00:17:30I need you.
00:17:31Here.
00:17:32Listen, I can't leave right now.
00:17:33But I promise, when I come home, I'll have enough power to get rid of Dad forever.
00:17:37Okay?
00:17:41Hey.
00:17:43Is everything okay?
00:17:45Yeah.
00:17:48Yeah, it's fine.
00:17:51You, uh, you sure about this?
00:17:54It's only temporary.
00:17:56Come on.
00:17:57We'll be laughing about this for years.
00:18:02Let's go.
00:18:18Right.
00:18:19Only temporary.
00:18:20Unless you get hand fasted under a full moon, then the hand fast bond is nearly unbreakable.
00:18:26But she doesn't know that.
00:18:27And once she does, she'll hate me.
00:18:31Is your sister okay?
00:18:33Is something wrong?
00:18:36Nothing's wrong.
00:18:37We're about to get buried in Vegas by Ovis.
00:18:40What could possibly be wrong?
00:18:43All right, you ready to rock and roll, you hunk-a-hunk-a-hot couple?
00:18:47Let's get this show started.
00:18:49Woo!
00:18:49Woo!
00:18:50Woo!
00:18:50Woo!
00:18:50Woo!
00:18:51Woo!
00:19:16This is it.
00:19:18I have the Wand of Light.
00:19:20The most powerful object in the world.
00:19:23If I leave now, I could use it to take control away from my father.
00:19:27Set Sigrid and I free.
00:19:35But I already betrayed her once.
00:20:18The End
00:20:20to get more chocolate strawberries.
00:20:22Be back soon.
00:20:32It's only temporary.
00:20:34Okay, and old magic is weak.
00:20:35The hand fast bond will probably only last till the morning.
00:20:38Hmm.
00:20:40That's weird.
00:20:41The mark should have worn off by now.
00:20:51So, did you marry the girl yet?
00:20:57No, it's...
00:20:59complicated.
00:21:00Complicated?
00:21:01Or distracted?
00:21:03You were sent there to marry the Sherwood heir
00:21:06and bind her power to this family,
00:21:08not to play house.
00:21:10You're a Svensson.
00:21:11Act like one.
00:21:12Eric is a Svensson?
00:21:16I married my family's worst enemy?
00:21:18I don't need you to tell me what I am.
00:21:21Then stop hesitating.
00:21:23If the rumors about the wand of light are true,
00:21:25we might catch an even bigger prize.
00:21:28So hurry up and marry the Sherwood girl
00:21:30and then bring her to me, idiot.
00:21:41He's been lying this whole time.
00:21:49I need to tell her the truth.
00:21:53You lying piece of troll shit!
00:21:56You didn't want me.
00:21:57You just wanted the fucking wand, didn't you?
00:22:01I didn't even know the wand existed until I met you.
00:22:03You still lied to me, Eric.
00:22:05You knew I was a Sherwood from the start.
00:22:07That's why you gave me a fake fucking name, right?
00:22:09Okay, I did, but that was before we...
00:22:11Before you decided to mess with me?
00:22:13Get your dick wet before you ruin me and my family forever?
00:22:17I'm not trying to ruin your family.
00:22:18I'm trying to save mine.
00:22:20I know all about you, Svensons.
00:22:22All you do is lie and cheat and steal
00:22:25to get whatever you fucking want.
00:22:27I should have caught it at the poker table,
00:22:29but your little tricks won't work on me this time.
00:22:33The hand fast, Mark, it'll fade.
00:22:35Just like you, just like whatever this was.
00:22:38The hand fast wasn't a trick.
00:22:40Not that part.
00:22:41Not with you.
00:22:43It doesn't matter, Eric.
00:22:45You will never, ever get the wand!
00:22:49Lily, what?
00:22:51When this fades, Eric,
00:22:53I will never have to see you again!
00:23:09So, that didn't happen.
00:23:12My older sister, Effie, told me
00:23:14that the mark would fade a week later.
00:23:17Then a month went by.
00:23:21Then, well...
00:23:25See, this is where you don't fuck with old magic.
00:23:28It's all fun and games,
00:23:29so there's a full moon.
00:23:30Then it's the most powerful magic in the universe.
00:23:37Apparently, getting hand fast married under a full moon
00:23:40creates a bond that's almost unbreakable.
00:23:44Also, apparently, the almost part
00:23:47means that both people have to perform the divorce spell.
00:23:52I tried calling, texting, sending flying monkeys.
00:23:57Nothing.
00:23:58Not a single word from my beloved husband
00:24:02for half a year.
00:24:12Yes, I still sleep with a wand under my pillow.
00:24:16The emotional ass-whooping I got from my mother
00:24:18for getting hand-fasted to a stranger
00:24:20was bad enough.
00:24:22No one can ever find out
00:24:23that I almost lost the wand, too.
00:24:26I just need one night
00:24:28to sleep without
00:24:31thinking about him.
00:24:54Who are you?
00:24:56What do you want with the wand of light?
00:24:59Nothing.
00:25:00I'm just here to collect my payday
00:25:01from my client once I bring him that wand.
00:25:05Petey,
00:25:06someone sent you!
00:25:07Who?
00:25:08I'm afraid I can't break client confidentiality.
00:25:10Sorry, sweetie.
00:25:13Well, I'm afraid that you chose
00:25:14the wrong witch to fuck with tonight.
00:25:29Be wise not to fight back, witch.
00:25:31You're in over your head.
00:25:34I'd rather die than let you take the wand.
00:25:39Suit yourself.
00:25:44Suit yourself.
00:25:53What the fuck?
00:26:05What the fuck?
00:26:08Get off me!
00:26:09She had the wand!
00:26:10I got the wand.
00:26:12I'll get the rest later.
00:26:16No!
00:26:20You are the reason I lost the wand!
00:26:23Who are you?
00:26:29The hand fast mark.
00:26:34Hello, wife.
00:26:35Miss me?
00:26:39What are you doing here?
00:26:41Well, you know, I thought I'd spice up our marriage,
00:26:44do a little role-playing,
00:26:45but it looks like you're more into bondage.
00:26:47I didn't know you were so kinky.
00:26:48Shut up!
00:26:53You should be thanking me.
00:26:54I did just save your house.
00:26:55Thanking you?
00:26:56You're the reason my family's most powerful heirloom is gone.
00:26:59How did you even find me?
00:27:02Wait a minute.
00:27:04You were trying to steal the wand, too, weren't you?
00:27:07Maybe.
00:27:09Oh, you slimy, tote-faced motherfucker!
00:27:13Okay, first you tricked me into marrying you,
00:27:15then you ghost me for six months,
00:27:17and now you come in here like a goddamn fucking cartoon burglar
00:27:22and try to take my wand!
00:27:23Look, I was just gonna borrow it!
00:27:25Yeah, for one of your dirty, no-good-spensing schemes?
00:27:29I just...
00:27:30I need it, okay?
00:27:31It's...
00:27:33It's the only way that we can be free.
00:27:36Look, my dad doesn't know about our marriage.
00:27:38Not yet.
00:27:39But he knows about the wand.
00:27:40If he gets a hold of it,
00:27:42he's gonna sell it to the highest bidder.
00:27:43Whoever controls the wand
00:27:44has the power to take over the world.
00:27:46Or worse.
00:27:47No!
00:27:48Worse than tricking me into marrying you?
00:27:50I told you that that wasn't a trick.
00:27:52It doesn't matter, Eric.
00:27:54She has the wand!
00:27:55That shadow thief or whatever!
00:27:58And that's your fault!
00:27:59I can get it back!
00:28:02Look, I know I don't deserve it.
00:28:03But just give me one more chance.
00:28:06I can get the wand back,
00:28:08take care of what I need to take care of,
00:28:10and then I'll do the divorce spell.
00:28:12Please, Lily, just give me one more chance.
00:28:14Please.
00:28:15I can't trust him.
00:28:17I shouldn't.
00:28:20But my gut tells me
00:28:22this time
00:28:23it might be different.
00:28:29No.
00:28:31No, we're both gonna go get it.
00:28:34It is my job as a Sherwood heir
00:28:36to set things right
00:28:37so I don't let the wand
00:28:39fall into the wrong hands.
00:28:41And you really think after Vegas
00:28:42I would let you go alone
00:28:44to find the most powerful magical object
00:28:46in the entire world?
00:28:48Fair.
00:28:49Whatever you want.
00:28:51Lily.
00:28:52God, I hate when you call me that.
00:28:54All right.
00:28:55I'll call you wife.
00:28:57And you can call me whatever you want.
00:29:00Eric, husband, daddy.
00:29:02Shut up!
00:29:03Don't call me wife either.
00:29:05After we get this wand,
00:29:06we will do the divorce spell.
00:29:07Got it?
00:29:07You're breaking my heart.
00:29:09I mean,
00:29:10you're the better half of my soul.
00:29:13Yeah.
00:29:13You're not gonna speak
00:29:14talk your way into my pants again, Eric.
00:29:16We'll see.
00:29:22Now, the wand forbids
00:29:23a direct tracking spell
00:29:24so we have to track its trail.
00:29:27That's a ten mile radius.
00:29:29We'll never find the wand
00:29:30inside that circle.
00:29:31Well, with the tracking spell,
00:29:32I get a location, okay?
00:29:34It doesn't last long, though.
00:29:36We'll have like three or four days.
00:29:37Well, lucky for you,
00:29:40I already packed your bags.
00:29:42Consider it our official honeymoon.
00:29:48Aja, this, we're done.
00:29:49You got it?
00:29:50Don't go back on your words, Benson.
00:29:52We will do the divorce spell.
00:29:54Cross my heart.
00:29:56Hope to die.
00:29:58I hope to die.
00:30:15You magic-to-car here?
00:30:17This isn't just any car.
00:30:25This is Bessie.
00:30:27You really expect us to track down
00:30:29the most powerful, magical object in the world?
00:30:32In a car without a roof?
00:30:34I mean, if you're not comfortable.
00:30:40I could go by myself.
00:30:42If you trust me not to run away.
00:30:45Hmm.
00:30:46I wouldn't trust you
00:30:47with a half-eaten newt muffin.
00:30:49I was gonna throw in the trash.
00:30:53Then your chariot awaits.
00:30:55Wife.
00:31:15We've been driving all day
00:31:17and she hasn't said a single word.
00:31:30You're Svensson.
00:31:32You don't play house with Sheryl's.
00:31:34Why are we turning?
00:31:35We don't have any time.
00:31:36We have to find the wand, Eric.
00:31:39That circle is getting
00:31:40further and further away.
00:31:42Plus, it's getting dark.
00:31:43We need to stay somewhere for the night.
00:31:44Why don't you just let me drive?
00:31:46Because you haven't slept either.
00:31:47Plus, no one can drive Bessie but me.
00:31:51What is with guys and cars?
00:31:53Jesus.
00:31:53No.
00:31:54I mean, literally,
00:31:55no one else can drive Bessie.
00:31:57My great-great-grandfather
00:31:58put a hex on all of our possessions.
00:32:00Anyone that's non-blood related
00:32:02can't touch it.
00:32:03The Svensson's like
00:32:04to hoard their treasures.
00:32:06Your family has issues.
00:32:08Finally.
00:32:09Something we can agree on.
00:32:11Was this your plan all along?
00:32:13Make me feel bad for you
00:32:14because your family's evil
00:32:15so I get all ooey-gooey
00:32:17and forget about the divorce?
00:32:18Not everyone in my family is evil.
00:32:21Yeah.
00:32:22Okay.
00:32:35You cross this wall
00:32:36or do anything to piss me off
00:32:38more than you already have,
00:32:39then you do not even want to imagine
00:32:41the hex I'm going to put on you.
00:32:48I promise,
00:32:49no funny business.
00:32:52Pinky promise.
00:33:13Good night to you, too.
00:33:14What?
00:33:28In Vegas,
00:33:30you said you had a sister, right?
00:33:34Seagrid?
00:33:35Yeah.
00:33:36Seagrid.
00:33:38She didn't ask to be a Svensson.
00:33:41She's different than us.
00:33:43Better.
00:33:45Not like you?
00:33:46No.
00:33:49Not like me.
00:33:50But you already know that.
00:34:05But you could think of dog
00:34:43Good morning, wife.
00:34:46I told you not to call me.
00:35:04You were saying something?
00:35:07What?
00:35:10How did you know I was awake?
00:35:13The husband always knows.
00:35:21Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to shower.
00:35:27No peeking.
00:35:32Cross my heart.
00:35:34Hope to die.
00:35:42I need to get a grip.
00:35:44Some washboard abs and a cocky grin aren't enough to make me fall for him.
00:35:49I just need this one time to take the edge off.
00:36:02I remember he touched me like this in Vegas.
00:36:18Look, I'm so close.
00:36:25That's it, Lily.
00:36:27Be a good girl.
00:36:29And go for me.
00:36:37Are you ready?
00:36:41Okay.
00:36:43Eric.
00:36:44Eric.
00:36:46Eric.
00:36:49Eric.
00:36:57You said that you wouldn't look.
00:37:01I don't need to look to know what you were doing.
00:37:04While thinking about me.
00:37:07God, you are so full of yourself.
00:37:09Do I know what I heard?
00:37:11Say another word and I'll turn you into a frog.
00:37:17Were you thinking about that time in Vegas where I ate you out in the shower and you came
00:37:24so hard you almost crushed my skull between your thighs?
00:37:29I think about those times a lot.
00:37:32Yeah, well, I don't think about them at all.
00:37:59You still haven't even told me what you want the wand for yet.
00:38:03It's on a need-to-know basis.
00:38:05Oh, don't you think I need to know?
00:38:08I am your wife after all.
00:38:10Oh, now you remember you're my wife.
00:38:13Funny how you only remember that when it's convenient for you.
00:38:15I remember every time I think about how badly I fucked up in Vegas.
00:38:19So all I am is a mistake.
00:38:20If I remember right, you're the one that suggested that we get handfast married.
00:38:24Obviously, that was before I knew about all your bullshit and lies.
00:38:29Duty and responsibility might not be a big deal in your family, but in mine, it's huge.
00:38:34See?
00:38:35There you go again.
00:38:36Always worried about what your family wants.
00:38:38It's never about what you want.
00:38:39I follow the rules because I have to, Eric.
00:38:43If I don't, I end up in situations like this.
00:38:45Did you ever stop to think that maybe that's unfair?
00:38:48That maybe your ideas and their ideas are bullshit?
00:38:52You ever think of that?
00:38:54Spoken like a true Svensson.
00:38:56Well, you're a Svensson too, sweetheart.
00:38:58Not much longer, I can tell you that.
00:39:19I'm going to get some coffee.
00:39:21It's being dark.
00:39:22You really think you should be alone?
00:39:23So now that we're married, you think you have to babysit me too?
00:39:30Fine.
00:39:31Just don't take too long.
00:39:35You got her in the car or what?
00:39:38Who?
00:39:38Don't play dumb with me, boy.
00:39:41The little Sherwood witch you married forgot to tell me about.
00:39:46You thought I wouldn't find out, huh?
00:39:49You did a good job of hiding it, I'll give you that.
00:39:51Maybe you are my son after all, huh?
00:39:54What's the end game here?
00:39:56You said you just needed to get the Sherwood's wand so you could pay off your debts.
00:39:59What does she have to do with it?
00:40:00Because I'm not an idiot like you.
00:40:03I'll finally have all the leverage I need over the Sherwood family.
00:40:07When I tell them their pretty little heir is my new daughter-in-law.
00:40:11And then it'll be our family that gets to call the shots in the magic world.
00:40:16So you just want to use her?
00:40:18Like you use mom?
00:40:19Like you're using your own daughter.
00:40:21This is not a request, boy.
00:40:24Bring the girl and the wand to me or you will be stripped of your name.
00:40:28Your magic, everything.
00:40:30And your sister, she'll be the one paying the price for your mistakes.
00:40:44This isn't right.
00:40:45The trail should still be here.
00:40:48Would you like some coffee, Miss Sherwood?
00:40:50Yeah, thank you.
00:40:52Wait, how did you know my...
00:40:54You.
00:40:58But the map said that...
00:41:00That's cute.
00:41:02You think that dusty old map could track me?
00:41:09That wand is mine.
00:41:14Not anymore, it's not.
00:41:16And sadly, my employers need your powers too.
00:41:19Employer?
00:41:22Hold still.
00:41:23This will only hurt a bit.
00:41:25No, stop.
00:41:26Stop!
00:41:34Get away from her!
00:41:40It ain't the wand!
00:41:42It ain't the wand!
00:41:54My magic!
00:41:55She took half of my magic, Eric!
00:41:57You're okay.
00:41:58I got you.
00:41:59You're okay.
00:42:00You're okay.
00:42:03I don't understand.
00:42:05The map said that the wand was miles away.
00:42:08What did she want with my powers?
00:42:10Thief must have found some way to bypass the tracking spell.
00:42:13She can't have gone far.
00:42:14We'll find her.
00:42:15Lay low for now.
00:42:16Hey, Eric, stop the car.
00:42:17I can't breathe.
00:42:18I can't breathe.
00:42:19Okay.
00:42:29Hey, hey, hey.
00:42:31Look at me.
00:42:31Look at me.
00:42:32You're okay.
00:42:33You're okay.
00:42:33Just breathe.
00:42:34I got you.
00:42:36You're safe.
00:42:38I thought she was going to kill me, Eric.
00:42:41I'm not going to let that happen.
00:42:43Not while I'm breathing.
00:42:48I'm not going to let that happen.
00:42:57I still hate you.
00:43:01If you hated me, you wouldn't let me touch you like this.
00:43:05This doesn't change anything.
00:43:08It's only scratching an itch.
00:43:10Once we get the wand, and we do the divorce spell, now we forget each other existed.
00:43:21Is that what you want, Lily?
00:43:23You want to forget how good I make you feel?
00:43:26You want to forget I'm the only person in the whole fucking world who can make you feel
00:43:31this way?
00:43:36Eric.
00:43:39Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:43:47We can't do this.
00:43:51This is what goes wrong between us.
00:43:52We can't make that mistake again.
00:43:54We have a job to do, Eric.
00:43:56Let's get the wand.
00:43:58That's it.
00:43:59And then what?
00:44:01You know what happens after, Eric.
00:44:04We do the divorce spell.
00:44:06And we never see each other again.
00:44:07We don't know.
00:44:13We don't know.
00:44:14We don't know.
00:44:17We don't know.
00:44:20We don't know.
00:44:21We don't know.
00:44:22We don't know.
00:44:23We don't know.
00:44:25We don't know.
00:44:27We don't know.
00:44:27We don't know.
00:44:28We don't know.
00:44:28We don't know.
00:44:28We don't know.
00:44:28We don't know.
00:44:29We don't know.
00:44:30We don't know.
00:44:30We don't know.
00:44:34We don't know.
00:44:39It smells like fresh baked pastries, cinnamon, old magic.
00:44:49I should have known.
00:44:51It's a Seder's Inn.
00:44:53That smell.
00:44:55Noman-inhabitus smell.
00:44:57It's woven into places like this for couples.
00:45:02You mean Orchise?
00:45:05Seder's are the horniest bastards in the known world.
00:45:08It lowers any fear, doubt, shame, grancy, your deepest desires.
00:45:16Without any fear of judgment or consequences.
00:45:28You don't.
00:45:31I'm trying not to.
00:45:44I'm trying not to.
00:45:51The spell doesn't create desire.
00:45:55It lets go of the lies.
00:45:57It tells us what we really want.
00:45:59What I want doesn't matter.
00:46:02It matters in here.
00:46:05Tell me what you really want.
00:46:07You can say goodbye.
00:46:09And go our separate ways.
00:46:11Or you can tell me you want this.
00:46:15You want me.
00:46:18Tell me to stay.
00:46:22Stay here.
00:46:24Please.
00:46:25God, what is this?
00:46:27Is this just the magic?
00:46:29No.
00:46:32It's not the spell.
00:46:34It's freedom.
00:46:37In here, the outside world doesn't matter.
00:46:39It's just you.
00:46:41And me.
00:46:44I shouldn't want this.
00:46:46I know.
00:46:49I shouldn't be doing this.
00:46:53Or this.
00:46:55Be able to share with it.
00:46:58To the most respected family of the whole rich world.
00:47:02You definitely shouldn't sound this fucking sexy.
00:47:04To mind.
00:47:07You're with the ear.
00:47:09To the Sherwood family.
00:47:12Who are you?
00:47:14I want you, Eric.
00:47:16I need you.
00:47:20Tell me who you are.
00:47:24Lily.
00:47:25Close.
00:47:29But not close.
00:47:32Tonight.
00:47:34Tell me who you are.
00:47:36Your wife.
00:48:01This doesn't change anything.
00:48:03I know.
00:48:05We can have tonight.
00:48:06And then tomorrow we go back to who we are on the outside.
00:48:10Sure.
00:48:11I'll go back to being my bad self.
00:48:13And you can go back to pretending to be a good little witch.
00:48:17Excuse me.
00:48:18Don't deny.
00:48:19Lily.
00:48:20I'm sure what's been said.
00:48:21I know I'm kind of dork.
00:48:23Naughty thoughts you have.
00:48:26I don't.
00:48:28It's okay to be bad.
00:48:31And you don't have to pretend.
00:48:35I don't, huh?
00:48:39You know, just because I have half my magic doesn't mean I can't play with you for tonight.
00:48:56Now you're going to sit there like a good little witch.
00:49:06And I'm going to do whatever I want to you.
00:49:19I don't remember packing that lingerie.
00:49:21Close your eyes.
00:49:25Eric, you're so good for being such a bad boy.
00:49:31I'm being properly motivated not to move.
00:49:39See how long it takes you to break.
00:49:41For you, I could stay here forever.
00:49:43Pretty to think so.
00:49:45Why don't we test that little theory, huh?
00:49:49We're playing a dangerous game.
00:49:52All you have to do is admit that I win.
00:49:57I'll let you fuck me.
00:49:59I'll even let you come wherever you want.
00:50:06You can come here.
00:50:09Or here.
00:50:12I'll even let you come in here.
00:50:18God.
00:50:19Come on.
00:50:21I know you wanna.
00:50:23Just admit that I'm right.
00:50:27Fine.
00:50:29You win.
00:50:30Oh, what was that?
00:50:32You hurt me.
00:50:34Oh.
00:50:43So what's my prize?
00:50:48I could torture you like you did me.
00:50:53But I want to be inside you.
00:50:56I want to feel you squeeze me tight.
00:50:59And take me to bed, husband.
00:51:04Call me that again.
00:51:08You want me to fuck you, husband?
00:51:10Yeah.
00:51:12Fuck me.
00:51:16Tell me a story.
00:51:24Like the ones you did in Vegas.
00:51:27I've got a story about my pet goat, Gilmore,
00:51:31and how he got stuck on a magic carpet.
00:51:34Or the story about how my sister tried to negotiate with a troll using only redimates.
00:51:41I know.
00:51:43I already know about your family.
00:51:47I want to know about you.
00:51:50What's it like to be a Svensson heir?
00:51:52You want the insider info.
00:51:55Mm.
00:51:56You tell me yours, I'll tell you mine.
00:51:58You gonna tell me how wonderful it was growing up as a beloved and blessed Sherwood?
00:52:07Is that what you think being a Sherwood is like?
00:52:11Is that what you think being a Sherwood is like?
00:52:14All fun and rainbows?
00:52:16Yeah, everybody loves your family.
00:52:18That's not true, Eric.
00:52:20There are so many people who would love it if we just disappeared.
00:52:23My mother has been shouldering all that responsibility and pressure for decades.
00:52:27And next year, I will be the head witch in charge.
00:52:32Everyone's counting on me to do the right thing.
00:52:34Like eat your fruits and veggies?
00:52:36Like spending my whole childhood being told that the whole world depended on me.
00:52:41Like never bothering to have any hopes or dreams because my whole life was planned for me from the very
00:52:48start before I was even born.
00:52:50I'm always doing the right thing for the family.
00:52:52I was never allowed to even think of doing the wrong thing.
00:52:56I couldn't be tired.
00:52:58I couldn't be scared.
00:52:59I couldn't be angry.
00:53:00One mistake and my family loses everything that they've ever worked for.
00:53:05If this whole world fades to black, it's because I messed up.
00:53:08It's because I didn't do a good job.
00:53:13I don't think I've ever said that out loud before.
00:53:16I'm glad you did.
00:53:19Your turn.
00:53:22Growing up with Svinson was a little different.
00:53:26The old man likes to say I was the first of his disappointments.
00:53:31I guess it's good.
00:53:33At least I was first at something.
00:53:36I didn't care about disappointing him.
00:53:38I just wanted to get away from him.
00:53:41I had it all planned out when I turned 16.
00:53:44I'd leave, change my name, and this Svinson bloodline would die with me.
00:53:48My mom died when Secret was born.
00:53:53My dad used her against me every day since.
00:54:03I'm so sorry, Eric.
00:54:05I...
00:54:06I shouldn't have asked.
00:54:09It's okay.
00:54:11Svinsons have always lived in the Sherwood shadows.
00:54:14We are the shadows.
00:54:18All you do is shine.
00:54:30You always ask me what I want.
00:54:34What do you want, Eric?
00:54:39You'd hate me if I told you.
00:54:41I mean, more than you already do.
00:54:46I don't hate you.
00:54:49I never did.
00:55:17I never did.
00:55:25Eric, something's wrong.
00:55:27Dad's got visitors.
00:55:29A bunch of old guys.
00:55:30I don't know who they are.
00:55:31He made me play piano for them,
00:55:33like some kind of dresser doll.
00:55:35It's like freaking me out.
00:55:41Eric.
00:55:43Are you safe?
00:55:48Eric.
00:55:49Are you safe?
00:55:50For now.
00:55:52All those weird old men lived last night.
00:55:55And I hexed my door so no one could get in.
00:55:58Don't let anyone in.
00:55:59If Dad tries to get you to play with any of those weird old men, just...
00:56:02I know.
00:56:03I'll just do what he says.
00:56:06I always do.
00:56:08I'm so sick of this E.
00:56:10What if he actually does make me marry one of those guys?
00:56:12I'm never going to let that happen, all right?
00:56:16Look, I'm close to getting the Wand of Light.
00:56:19The Wand of Light?
00:56:21Like, the one from the fairy tales?
00:56:24You can't tell Dad secret.
00:56:27When I get the Wand,
00:56:29be ready for my call.
00:56:30I have a plan.
00:56:31I barely know basic spells.
00:56:35I don't know if...
00:56:36You can.
00:56:37I know you can.
00:56:39When the time is right, you'll be ready.
00:57:08Filling up Bessie.
00:57:09Meet me downstairs when you're ready.
00:57:20Oh, my God!
00:57:22Why do you and Mom always do that?
00:57:24A bit high-strung, aren't you, sis?
00:57:28I was just in the middle of thinking.
00:57:30Yeah, and going by your aura, I can guess about who.
00:57:33Very much giving post-orgasmic afterglow.
00:57:36Oh, yeah.
00:57:37Well, you and your little aura reading
00:57:38can go jump in a lake.
00:57:40Oh, aren't we feisty this morning?
00:57:43Your super-hot hubby isn't around, I'm guessing?
00:57:45Or have you already murdered him after catching his dick?
00:57:48I know all the best places to hide a body, by the way.
00:57:52I'm fine, Effie.
00:57:54I know all about Eric Spence.
00:57:56I'm not stupid.
00:57:57And when we get the wand back...
00:57:59You mean if you get the wand back?
00:58:01We will.
00:58:03We will.
00:58:03And when we do, we'll do the divorce spell, this mark will be gone.
00:58:08I'll go home and marry the best person who serves our family alliance.
00:58:16It's not fair, you know.
00:58:18I know I'm the last person who should be saying that, because it's not like I can change it.
00:58:23But it's not.
00:58:26It's just the way it goes.
00:58:27Right?
00:58:28There has to be a way for you to be with who you actually want and be a good heir.
00:58:35Effie, what I want has nothing to do with anything in my life.
00:58:38That's fine.
00:58:40That's what it means to be a Sherwood.
00:58:43Just remember, repeating it doesn't make it true.
00:58:48Alright.
00:58:50Whatever you say, sis.
00:58:51You know best.
00:58:54I know.
00:58:55Give everyone a hug from me.
00:58:57Tell them I'll be back home soon.
00:59:08Last night was the last time.
00:59:10After today, we're done.
00:59:13If I say that enough times, maybe I'll finally believe it.
00:59:25I'll tell you about my plan with the wand.
00:59:30My family's magic is dying.
00:59:32My father's been cashing in on broken promises for years.
00:59:35But he holds most of the power.
00:59:37And me and Sieg, we just get to scratch.
00:59:39That's how he controls us.
00:59:42If I could use the wand just once, I could take his power away from a break.
00:59:48I'm not trying to ruin your family.
00:59:49I'm trying to save mine.
00:59:50It's the only way that we can be free.
00:59:54That's what you meant by trying to save your family.
00:59:58I was going to tell you the night before.
01:00:00I was going to tell you the truth.
01:00:02And then I was just going to ask if I could use the wand.
01:00:04Just once.
01:00:06And then I would do whatever you want.
01:00:08Get a divorce.
01:00:09Leave you alone.
01:00:11Forever.
01:00:12Why didn't you tell me?
01:00:16Why didn't you tell me that morning?
01:00:18Maybe things could have been different.
01:00:21I would have asked you to stay.
01:00:23Maybe.
01:00:23It's a nice idea.
01:00:26But our families have been at war since the beginning of time.
01:00:30Maybe if we were different people.
01:00:33We have different lives.
01:00:36This would have worked.
01:00:38Maybe we could have worked.
01:00:40Maybe the wand has a spell for that, Eric.
01:00:43I wish can hope.
01:00:51What?
01:00:53Do I have mushrooms growing out of the side of my head?
01:00:56Why are you looking at me like that?
01:01:09Oh god
01:01:10Wait, I'm driving.
01:01:11Who over?
01:01:31You have got to be kidding me
01:01:39End of the line, witches
01:01:41End of the line, witches
01:02:04Eric!!!
01:02:28Now's not a good time, old man.
01:02:30Well, it sounds like my insurance policy worked.
01:02:34You, you set the shadows leave?
01:02:37Of course I set her.
01:02:39Do you think I would trust you to finish the job?
01:02:53Demons are very expensive, you know?
01:02:56But I thought that the Sherwood girl's soul in exchange for the wand was a good enough bargain.
01:03:05Souls of magic users apparently taste better.
01:03:19You said you needed her alive.
01:03:21The Sherwoods will never pay off your debts if you kill their heir.
01:03:23I've reconsidered.
01:03:25Once I have that wand, I will be the most powerful witch alive.
01:03:30Debts won't matter.
01:03:32The stupid Sherwoods won't matter.
01:03:34And as for the girl, well, I don't need her breathing to use her power.
01:03:39I can always marry Sigrid off to form new alliances.
01:03:43Guess you won't be trapped in a marriage after all, son.
01:03:48You're welcome.
01:03:51Go to hell, old man.
01:04:03Take it!
01:04:06No!
01:04:08No!
01:04:09Your soul will be delicious!
01:04:11No!
01:04:13No!
01:04:13No!
01:04:15No!
01:04:17No!
01:04:18No!
01:04:19No!
01:04:20No!
01:04:21I'll be free.
01:04:26Get off my wife!
01:04:35You'll pay for that, witch!
01:04:48This isn't the last you'll see of me
01:04:55Hey, I've got you
01:04:57You didn't run
01:04:59You're kidding?
01:05:00I'd be a pretty shitty husband if I let my wife's soul get sucked out by a demon
01:05:07Eric, you can't get rid of me that usually
01:05:10No, no, no, no, stay with me
01:05:12Eric, oh my
01:05:15Eric, no, no, no, no, stay with me
01:05:17Oh my god
01:05:20I can't save you, I don't have my powers
01:05:23Why didn't you run?
01:05:26You could have saved yourself
01:05:28I've been saving myself
01:05:31My whole life
01:05:32I thought I'd try something new
01:05:36I'm an idiot, you stupid, stupid idiot
01:05:39Yeah
01:05:42But I'm your idiot
01:05:50You took a divorce spell
01:05:52I had a promise
01:05:54Now you're free
01:05:56I don't want to be free
01:06:03I don't want to be free
01:06:05I want to be with you
01:06:07Just keep secrets safe
01:06:10Safe from my father
01:06:12Safe from all of it
01:06:15You know, those days in Vegas
01:06:20Were the best three days of my life
01:06:22Alright, let's get this show started, okay
01:06:27I love you
01:06:29I love you too
01:06:32I love you, I love you
01:06:36Eric
01:07:00The Wand of Light has the power to grant its user their deepest desires
01:07:10Please
01:07:12Please
01:07:13Please
01:07:15Please
01:07:20Eric
01:07:22Please
01:07:36You absolute moron
01:07:41You absolute moron
01:07:44Be gentle
01:07:45I was dead for like ten seconds
01:07:48You're alive
01:07:51That is for divorcing me on your literal deathbed, you asshole
01:07:55I thought I was doing something noble
01:07:58Something cool
01:07:59The wand gave you your power back?
01:08:03My mom used to say that the wand's user grants it its deepest desire
01:08:08I guess it knew what I really wanted
01:08:11What did you want?
01:08:13You
01:08:14You
01:08:17Don't scare me like that again, okay?
01:08:20You know, I thought I heard something when I was bleeding out
01:08:27You know
01:08:29Maybe
01:08:30Maybe
01:08:30You could
01:08:30Say it again
01:08:35Maybe
01:08:35You could
01:08:36Say it again
01:08:38Maybe
01:08:39I love you
01:08:40Eric's Vincent
01:08:43That's my girl
01:08:49Let's go
01:08:51Let's go
01:08:52Let's go
01:08:55Let's go
01:08:57Let's go
01:09:01Let's go
01:09:04You ready for one last stop?
01:09:07Ian
01:09:07Ian
01:09:08Ian
01:09:26Ah
01:09:28There you are
01:09:30I knew I could always trust a demon to get the job done
01:09:35Now
01:09:35Where is my wand?
01:09:38Wait
01:09:39You're supposed to be dead
01:09:40Wow
01:09:41You weren't kidding
01:09:42He really is evil
01:09:44I put a barrier
01:09:46Around this whole house
01:09:47It's impossible
01:09:48There's no way you should be able to be in here
01:09:50There's always a loophole, old man
01:09:55Secret
01:09:56You ungrateful brat
01:09:58How dare you betray me like this?
01:10:00Really, dad?
01:10:01Playing the family card after you almost blew me up?
01:10:04Fold me into child marriage?
01:10:05You ungrateful little pests
01:10:15You're powerless now, old man
01:10:16Your magic's gone
01:10:17Forever
01:10:31Eric
01:10:32Otis
01:10:33Svensson
01:10:34Release me this instant!
01:10:36That is an order!
01:10:39You can handle it from here, right?
01:10:41His powers are gone
01:10:42It doesn't scare me anymore
01:10:46You ungrateful little brats
01:10:47Both of you will pay for this
01:10:49You will both pay for this
01:10:55Yeah, yeah
01:10:56Talk soon, pups
01:10:57We're gonna hit the road
01:10:58I said get back here
01:11:00I said get back here
01:11:02I said get back here
01:11:02Get back here
01:11:03Please don't do this you little b-
01:11:06No
01:11:07I said get back here
01:11:09No
01:11:09No
01:11:09No
01:11:10No
01:11:12No
01:11:21So
01:11:22Where to now?
01:11:24Should we go and
01:11:25Drop off the wand of light?
01:11:28Yeah.
01:11:29But there's something I want to do first.
01:11:32That sounds ominous.
01:11:35Just so happens that there's another full moon tonight.
01:11:39Leona Sherwood, are you asking me to hand fast marry you?
01:11:45Yeah.
01:11:47I think I am, Eric Sponson.
01:11:50Well, we better hurry.
01:11:51We're going to take the Wand of Light home and make it back in time to the hunk-a-hunk
01:11:55-a wedding chapel of love.
01:11:57I wonder if they have the same Elvis.
01:11:59I sure hope so.
01:12:01But if we're going to get hand fast married again, no more secrets this time.
01:12:06So, is there anything you want to come clean about now?
01:12:09Soon to be again, husband.
01:12:13There is one thing.
01:12:16You might want to buckle up.
01:12:18We're about to go super speed.
01:12:21Bessie could have been going super speed this entire time.
01:12:24You didn't tell me to make our trip last longer.
01:12:26Didn't you?
01:12:27You know me so well.
01:12:29Soon to be again, wife.
01:12:33Leona Sherwood, will you marry me?
01:12:36And not because of some spell or because it's your duty.
01:12:41But because you want to.
01:12:46Yes, I will.
01:12:57Ready?
01:12:58Hell yeah.
01:12:59Let's go.
01:13:02Here we go.
01:13:05We'll be right.
01:13:061-2-6-27-
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