When a police officer wakes up in a hospital to find out he is in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, he will do anything to find his family, even sacrifice Twitter.
Runtime: 1h 28m
Starcast: Tim Ogletree, Joey Oglesby, Troy Ogletree
Director(s): Scott Dow
#Comedy #Horror #zombie
Runtime: 1h 28m
Starcast: Tim Ogletree, Joey Oglesby, Troy Ogletree
Director(s): Scott Dow
#Comedy #Horror #zombie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
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00:18:59Your mom, she, uh, oh God, she turned, didn't she?
00:19:07Hell yeah, she turned.
00:19:09She's turning them moves.
00:19:12All right, watch this.
00:19:13And now, we welcome to the main stage, our only living girl.
00:19:21Shut the hell up.
00:19:23How many times do I have to tell you?
00:19:25My beautiful mother, Barbie.
00:19:29I've been waiting all day for this.
00:19:31Show us those living kids.
00:19:33Hey!
00:19:33That's my wife!
00:19:47Yeah!
00:19:52All right!
00:19:59That's my wife!
00:20:00I've been waiting for the home of summer.
00:20:05Ooh, ooh!
00:20:06Ooh, ooh!
00:20:08Ooh, ooh, ooh!
00:20:10Ooh, ooh!
00:20:12Ooh, ooh, ooh!
00:20:12Ooh, ooh, ooh!
00:20:13Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
00:20:20Ooh!
00:20:26Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
00:20:31Hey, freaking wanker. Don't you get it? No touching!
00:20:37Baby?
00:20:39Darling.
00:20:51What the hell? That was my last can of beans and all we get to do is watch?
00:20:56Baby, I'm so sorry.
00:20:57It's okay.
00:20:58I'm sorry I've left you.
00:20:59I forgive you.
00:21:01Just overrun that hospital.
00:21:02We just had to barricade your door and just pray you were going to be okay.
00:21:06I'm okay.
00:21:06Praise the Lord.
00:21:08Praise the Lord!
00:21:09But that's the only time that's been sent from the pole.
00:21:11Ed, you fat lard, get over to the bar and help yourself to a big fat bowl of-
00:21:16Shut the fuck up!
00:21:17Language, Chris.
00:21:19Baby, we're way beyond language being a problem here.
00:21:22Is it going to be a show or what? We've been waiting hours to see her.
00:21:25Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, guy!
00:21:26All right.
00:21:26Show's over.
00:21:27All right?
00:21:28Now go find another place that would waste your life.
00:21:30Hey, we'll just go back to the Winchester, eh?
00:21:32Their happy hour isn't complete shite like his finest ever.
00:21:39No!
00:21:41No!
00:21:44No!
00:21:45No!
00:21:47No!
00:21:49No!
00:21:50No!
00:21:51No!
00:21:51Oh no!
00:21:51Look out, honey, fool!
00:21:53Look out, you fool!
00:21:54Look out, you fool!
00:21:55Look out, you something we can do!
00:21:57Somebody do something!
00:22:01oh god i wasn't talking about that i was talking about cutting her boob off nobody pays top dollar
00:22:08to see a one boob stripper oh no no no no it's the world we live in now take a
00:22:17minute breathe deep
00:22:19i gotta go put out an ad for a headliner with double d's try craigslist oh yeah and uh here's
00:22:25colt didn't want some douchebag doctor stealing him whilst you were combing out
00:22:36you're a good shot son it's funny huh couldn't hit a ball off a tee before the apocalypse and now
00:22:42you can get a bullet between the eyes like it's nothing oh it's fucking hilarious
00:22:48listen um i met these two guys at the hospital
00:22:54i camped out at the mall bald redneck and jumpy little shit that shoots like a girl
00:22:59yeah that's them they came in here once redneck was motorboating mom so i kicked their asses out
00:23:05all right we're gonna head to the mall then you think this place can just run itself
00:23:1012 years old you shouldn't even know about strip joints oh so now you want to be my dad
00:23:16where'd he been when i needed you huh it was in a fucking coma because of you
00:23:22we're heading to the mall fine letters thing in my truck out back i can drive now
00:23:26toss my v-card too one for my homeboys
00:23:32let's hit it
00:23:50all right have a good watch front entrance is clear just some kid zombs dragging build-a-bears
00:23:55i loved my build-a-bear he had a cape and a baseball cap his name was super shortstop because
00:24:00he was like half the size of the other bears soups adorbs how have you survived so long
00:24:06don't fall asleep i want at least four hours
00:24:08copy that enjoy your swimsuit edition it's a hunting magazine obviously there's dead deer
00:24:14and blood and guts and fish hooks and mainly stuff all right whatever you say little bitch
00:24:18for the record i hate that nickname
00:24:27almost there
00:24:30i can smell abercrombie it's giving me a headache from here and my brain barely even works
00:24:35i wanted to ask you to keep my my valentine head no don't touch on there don't touch on
00:24:41down stop stop stop stop stop stop stop
00:24:45i'm so sorry um i'm gonna go do a round sleep tight i'll keep it safe
00:24:52yes sleep job
00:25:00but don't listen to brooklyn spring breakers was amazing
00:25:03although i do wish you would have shown your boobies was that weird
00:25:07but i respect your purity no matter what
00:25:14i cannot wait for the day that we can have these heart-to-hearts without this
00:25:18handle glass between us
00:25:24just really ruins the moment
00:25:31you see anything while you're cleaning up your mess it wasn't near me it was
00:25:37must have been from the other side brooklyn you come with me we'll take the front
00:25:40y'all three go around check the side engines
00:25:44god damn harlem
00:25:46you ain't doing good for your city stereotype
00:25:48hey you think she's just silent for no reason
00:25:51you coming at me slick no slick but listen
00:25:54whoa whoa would you double slick me
00:25:55this whole ordeal has been so traumatic for her that she can't speak anymore
00:25:59you don't know what you're talking
00:26:00yes i do i'm doing it for you
00:26:01that's a terrible hiding spot though
00:26:05louder entrance than i would have liked but it's hard to push open sliding doors with zero motor skills
00:26:10i hope they don't get the wrong idea
00:26:16just be confident girls like confidence
00:26:21but on second thought i think i'm just gonna hang back
00:26:27like way back
00:26:42holy shit this is sexy
00:26:58god damn it hero time
00:27:07smell like shit
00:27:10hot zombie want to bang
00:27:19oh my god thank you that's so sweet wait
00:27:23what the hell for he saved me
00:27:25saved you are you crazy are you bit
00:27:27no asshole get your dark gun out of my face
00:27:30so let me get this straight
00:27:33you a dead ass walker
00:27:36saved the life of your food like some sort of
00:27:39vegan zombie
00:27:42what's your name romeo
00:27:46romeo
00:27:46yeah that's right that's what i said what's your name
00:27:50romeo
00:27:51numero
00:27:51he said romeo
00:27:54that's so romantic
00:27:55and so dangerous
00:27:57but your unrequited and superficial love for me totally overcome the very instinct that keeps you alive
00:28:04y'all okay who's this pale twilight looking douche
00:28:08it's romeo
00:28:08he saved my life and he's staying with us
00:28:11hell no he ain't he's a walker
00:28:12think about it think about it
00:28:13if he's changing maybe they all are
00:28:16he can convince them not to eat us long enough for him to turn fully human and i can get
00:28:20in those dirty jeans
00:28:21you want us to risk keeping him around because you're horny
00:28:24yes absolutely
00:28:26we could cut a stupid little zombie jaw off he wouldn't bite us then
00:28:29that ain't a bad idea chop off them gangly arms of his so we can't grab us then we could
00:28:37hang our bags on his skinny ass neck
00:28:39you're not touching me
00:28:40where's harlow
00:28:41ah she's with spring bay guarding the entrance
00:28:44only may have time before we get swarmed again
00:28:47whatever
00:28:50so does your sister have like a type of guy
00:28:53i knew it awesome
00:28:55okay so here's what i'm thinking
00:28:57i take her that little like italian joint
00:28:59like the tables there in the food court
00:29:01oh shit
00:29:03here can't flush yourself
00:29:05no okay
00:29:06i know that guy
00:29:12it's cool
00:29:13he was in a coma for like a month and he somehow survived with no food no water
00:29:16and he didn't shit himself which is astounding
00:29:19whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
00:29:21lower your guns
00:29:22and your toys
00:29:23home with boy
00:29:24carl
00:29:25chris
00:29:25yeah whatever
00:29:27you're okay
00:29:28good to see you share
00:29:29can't say i'm glad to see you
00:29:31oh shit
00:29:32put on my tab
00:29:33i'm good for it
00:29:34can somebody lock up before this turns into a real party
00:29:36do it cheesecake
00:29:39you boys got gently jack
00:29:41i just shopped a lot
00:29:43i can eat a stiff drink
00:29:46nice mall
00:29:49hey is there a linen of things in here
00:29:54let's go carl
00:29:55chris
00:29:56yeah
00:29:57thanks for remembering
00:30:00well it's not a holiday in express but
00:30:02it'll do
00:30:03whoa whoa whoa whoa
00:30:03who's this freaking guy
00:30:06romero
00:30:07romero
00:30:07like
00:30:08romeo
00:30:10and he saved me from a group attack when you were shooting out windows
00:30:13what's wrong with him
00:30:15he's special
00:30:16can't speak well
00:30:17very emotionally damaged
00:30:19and super hot
00:30:20looks like dead et
00:30:22he's a hero
00:30:24and he's staying with us
00:30:25ain't got the space
00:30:26camp's not big enough
00:30:28and he can share my sleeping bag
00:30:30it's not a problem
00:30:31darnell i see you
00:30:45did y'all know each other for the outbreak
00:30:47fate brought us together
00:30:48by fate i mean i was at a gas station looking for some porn
00:30:52uh portable reading material
00:30:54an old sissy shit shooter almost took off my head thinking i was a zombie or something
00:30:59lucky enough for me he's about as good a shot as helen keller
00:31:01her being a woman and all
00:31:03felt sorry for the kid thought he might need some extra protection
00:31:05yeah maybe he did
00:31:08so uh where'd you meet the girls in the dark boy
00:31:11huh
00:31:12those little bitches
00:31:13bang
00:31:13you don't have to make this happen
00:31:17makes it easier that way
00:31:18no it doesn't
00:31:19you got the dexterity of a clothing hoof you're terrible
00:31:22bang
00:31:25guns keys no questions
00:31:26gun
00:31:27don't have keys
00:31:28maxi pads in the bathroom with the toilet paper
00:31:30there might be some rich crackers
00:31:32one question
00:31:33can i keep my birth fees please
00:31:35john freaking mclean
00:31:37whatever you say little bitch
00:31:39that's mean
00:31:40ha ha
00:31:40oh come on
00:31:45i'm sorry man
00:31:47you make me lose my hair kid
00:31:49darnell well he was holed up here when we got here
00:31:52ever found that titty mag
00:31:53still searching
00:31:54did have a pretty romantic night with the cold water creek catalog though
00:31:58twice
00:31:59all right well
00:32:00let me know
00:32:02balls just dropped in
00:32:03the only not riding hooters i seen in the last month were my moms
00:32:07will do kid
00:32:10ain't nothing wrong with your mom's boobs baby
00:32:13all right hey
00:32:15brooklyn and i have this like fifth grade relationship where she's like mean to me
00:32:19because she likes me harlem thinks i should go for it at least i think she does she doesn't
00:32:24talk kind of like you
00:32:25brooklyn tells me you're like special
00:32:29something like that
00:32:31that's incredible man i so like admire your courage and your like will to survive your
00:32:36disab... disability
00:32:51sheriff and i talked it through
00:32:53we're leaving
00:32:54hold up
00:32:55what?
00:32:56who's gonna assume leadership?
00:32:57my instinct says brooklyn but i will step up if you-
00:33:00no nancy
00:33:01we mean we're moving on from the mall all of us
00:33:04your instincts are way off you'd never defer leadership to a woman
00:33:08i'm sorry did you forget who robbed you blind right in front of your eyes
00:33:11i'm not sure that's as insulting as you think-
00:33:13HEY!
00:33:15this is not a democracy
00:33:18the decision's been made
00:33:20we're heading to the farm
00:33:21so which one of you is the dictator?
00:33:24me
00:33:24me
00:33:25i guess it's one of them uh
00:33:27dire
00:33:30that was
00:33:31steel toe
00:33:32pack it up
00:33:33gather your things
00:33:34we're moving out in an hour
00:33:35make it 55 minutes
00:33:3745 minutes we're gone
00:33:38change of plans
00:33:3930 minutes
00:33:40leave it right now
00:33:41we should have left five minutes ago
00:33:45i'll lead the way i know the country roads best
00:33:47but i got a bigger truck
00:33:49agree to disagree
00:33:50shut your vagina hole
00:33:51we got company
00:33:53stand out
00:33:54stand out
00:33:55we're not the walking den
00:33:57we saw the zombie walk
00:33:58we are zelarping
00:34:00zelarping?
00:34:01zelarping
00:34:01what?
00:34:03zombie apocalypse live action role playing
00:34:05it's like pretending to be jewish in the holocaust
00:34:07we're just trying to see how the other half lives
00:34:10and get on with it somewhere else
00:34:11let's go we're moving out
00:34:13come on buddy hustle it up hustle it up
00:34:15y'all drive safe
00:34:16we will thanks
00:34:17hey gene
00:34:18you can get up now
00:34:24hey you guys hear rumors about that super survivor?
00:34:27super survivor?
00:34:28rumor has it
00:34:29he's drifting place to place
00:34:32waxing zombies
00:34:33what do you mean like bikini wax?
00:34:36i mean a whack like the mob
00:34:37the world needs a hero like that more than ever
00:34:40where the hell do you hear a rumor from?
00:34:42you're around the same people all the time
00:34:43you know what i haven't had to answer myself to you
00:34:46for all i know you're the one telling me the rumors
00:34:48did you ever think of that?
00:34:50you little rice crispy treat?
00:34:51what?
00:34:53green bay you know with your seat selection
00:34:55you have set a whole new precedent for cock blocking
00:34:58you are literally blocking romeos
00:35:00while figuratively blocking your own
00:35:03ain't cool man
00:35:04romeo's cool right bro?
00:35:07i guess so
00:35:08and a few words
00:35:10probably follow his lead little squirt
00:35:12you're talking sure ain't getting your mont blanc and her moleskin
00:35:16your brat in her bun
00:35:17your pin in my cushion
00:35:19somebody shit their pants
00:35:22hey you
00:35:23you ever take a bath?
00:35:26like before the zombie apocalypse
00:35:27gun in my holster
00:35:29pencil in her sharpener
00:35:30plug in my socket
00:35:32you guys know
00:35:33the sixth most deadly weapon
00:35:36crossbow
00:35:37then you know what number five is?
00:35:39the spoon
00:35:41freak me out you son
00:35:42stir up the windows
00:35:47damn it
00:35:50i think they just hit a zombie
00:35:53hit a zombie
00:35:55i will tell you my first zombie killstool
00:35:57so is that the bowling alley?
00:36:08so i shot one
00:36:10what about you green bay?
00:36:12brakes
00:36:12that don't make any sense
00:36:14PUT YOUR VEALS!
00:36:16PUT YOUR VEALS!
00:36:17shit son
00:36:18speak up
00:36:19you had half a mile
00:36:22i think we're here
00:36:30safe haven ranch
00:36:33darnell lower your weapon
00:36:35listen up we don't know who these people are
00:36:37they seem welcoming enough but we don't know their true intentions
00:36:39it's a different world we live in now
00:36:41we don't know what they had to do to survive or what they became
00:36:43so keep your guard up
00:36:46everyone
00:36:47i was about to say the same damn thing
00:36:49but you didn't
00:36:50these could be cannibals
00:36:53they could be hoarding zombies in a barn somewhere
00:36:56starting a cult
00:36:56that seems far fetched
00:36:58they could be serial killers
00:36:59using the zombie apocalypse as an elaborate cover
00:37:02for murdering everybody that comes here
00:37:04kind of defeats the points are the apocalypse
00:37:07so why be a serial killer?
00:37:09could be giant spiders
00:37:10ok makes a good point on the spiders
00:37:12you never know
00:37:13so with that said
00:37:14you never know
00:37:15let's be on our toes
00:37:16but be leveling
00:37:17be vigilant
00:37:20greetings ladies and gentlemen
00:37:21and welcome
00:37:23to the safe haven ranch
00:37:26afternoon sir
00:37:28i can assure you we're here to cause noob trouble
00:37:30i'm sheriff lincoln
00:37:31ah well
00:37:32howdy there detective
00:37:34my name is abraham
00:37:37sheriff
00:37:38ah sheriff
00:37:39it's quite a knife you got there abraham
00:37:41oh
00:37:42don't mind old betsy here
00:37:44she's just used in the barn
00:37:46i was on my way there when i saw y'all pull up
00:37:50hey
00:37:50y'all thirsty
00:37:51my wife just made some kool-aid
00:37:53kool-aid
00:37:54kool-aid
00:37:55kool-aid kool-aid
00:37:56sarah honey
00:37:56would you be so kind as to bring out your special kool-aid
00:38:00we have visitors
00:38:01i'm more of a high c guy myself
00:38:03but let's go
00:38:05come on up the house
00:38:06oh my god
00:38:07oh my god
00:38:08crazy old man
00:38:09nines with names kool-aid
00:38:10this is gonna be a bloodbath
00:38:13we're completely isolated from the dangers of the city
00:38:16untouched
00:38:17nobody around for miles
00:38:19you don't mind us asking how have you stayed infection free
00:38:22well we wash our hands
00:38:24although we have had an illness in the family here recently
00:38:28there sweetie
00:38:29oh honey
00:38:30hi
00:38:33well hello
00:38:34welcome everyone
00:38:36such a big crowd we got here
00:38:38yes ma'am
00:38:39sorry to impose
00:38:40oh it's no imposition
00:38:41don't be silly
00:38:42we welcome everyone here with open arms
00:38:45i just made some kool-aid
00:38:47would you like some
00:38:48green bay here loves kool-aid
00:38:50oh no no
00:38:51he loves that sweet sweet powdery drink
00:38:53yeah you think of pixie sticks
00:38:54never seen you eat a pixie stick
00:38:56abraham put that thing down
00:38:58people are gonna think we're crazy
00:39:00i forgot
00:39:00we're crazier
00:39:09you have a grandson
00:39:12good heavens
00:39:12you make me feel old
00:39:14uh no that's our daughter isaac
00:39:17your daughter isaac
00:39:20she made that before the illness
00:39:22long time ago
00:39:30she's real talented
00:39:32so will you all be joining us for dinner
00:39:34it's gonna be good food
00:39:36yeah
00:39:39sure
00:39:40yeah
00:39:40uh excuse me but
00:39:41we don't allow strangers to use this door
00:39:45go around to the side please
00:39:47of course
00:39:48all right
00:39:50we're gonna die
00:39:51hope they got beats
00:39:52yeah
00:39:52yeah we'll meet you around there
00:39:54it'll be easier
00:39:55i'll go get us another chicken
00:39:56oh good idea
00:39:57good idea
00:39:58i'll slow it up romeo
00:40:01heavenly father
00:40:02we thank thee for the
00:40:04dear jesus
00:40:05please don't let father abraham notice my corpse fingers and realize that i am in fact dead
00:40:10also please make me human again
00:40:11amen
00:40:12before our guests
00:40:13may they find rest in their travels
00:40:16and help us to find a pair of gloves for this young man sitting next to me whose hand feels
00:40:22like dry ice
00:40:23yikes
00:40:24do you have anything you want to add son
00:40:28thanks for the peace
00:40:31in jesus name
00:40:33amen
00:40:33okay everybody dig in
00:40:39seriously
00:40:42green bay
00:40:43dive on in
00:40:45oh no no no
00:40:46but i insist man be first
00:40:48ladies first
00:40:49don't be upset
00:40:50you're our guest
00:40:52you're first
00:41:18not that i would even know if i were being poisoned you know being dead and all
00:41:24well abraham
00:41:25sarah
00:41:25your daughter isaac
00:41:27she's
00:41:27we'd rather not discuss her illness
00:41:30we don't want you to catch her
00:41:32her buck
00:41:34so everybody eat up
00:41:35but save room for dessert
00:41:37i've got some special pie
00:41:39with my secret ingredient
00:41:41sounds delicious
00:41:42mmm
00:41:49what is the uh secret ingredient
00:41:53i can't tell you that
00:41:55if i do then the whole neighborhood will be putting in orders
00:41:58raw sugar
00:41:59i'm only one slice away from diabetes myself
00:42:04i'm afraid some of you might have to sleep on the floor
00:42:07i don't think i have enough beds and couches for everyone
00:42:10it's quite all right sarah
00:42:12we plan on making a camp outside tonight
00:42:13thank you very much
00:42:14mmm
00:42:15actually
00:42:16shotgun guest bedroom if it's available
00:42:18got it
00:42:20back issue
00:42:21more like privacy issues
00:42:22no
00:42:22whenever y'all decide to sleep it's fine with us
00:42:25just make sure you clean up your mess
00:42:26nonsense
00:42:27these hands have seen every kind of mess there is
00:42:30mmm
00:42:34the
00:42:41quan
00:42:47i'm a
00:42:48the
00:42:49the
00:42:49the
00:42:49the
00:43:00To any living soul, especially Selena Gomez, we have left this mall in search of Safehaven Ranch.
00:43:07Also, I've left my list of my rules for support.
00:43:28So, they're totally crazy, right? Consensus on that?
00:43:31They're definitely hiding something in there.
00:43:34Yeah, their daughter.
00:43:37Wouldn't be surprised if she's chained to a bed, drooling sludge.
00:43:42They sure are nice people, aren't they?
00:43:44Yeah, they do seem to be.
00:43:47Rumor has it there's been people out there like them waiting for the cure.
00:43:52I bet my bow on it.
00:43:54Not exactly a heavy chip to play there, Katniss, but point taken.
00:43:57And who exactly are you hearing those rumors from?
00:44:01Guess you ain't never heard of a tracker.
00:44:04They want us dead. I can feel it. We need a plan.
00:44:07I just hope we made a good first impression.
00:44:10Oh, your little angel heart is incapable of making a bad impression.
00:44:15Let's make a preemptive assault. Catch them in their sleep.
00:44:18Jesus, kid. They're combined 200 years old. We ain't got a Channel Seal Team 6 or nothing.
00:44:24Felt that reference coming.
00:44:26I think we should wait until the morning to do anything.
00:44:28I could use a good night's sleep.
00:44:30Or at least a warm body to share my sleeping bag with.
00:44:35Half chub? I got a half chub.
00:44:38I'm alive!
00:44:39I guess I'll go take first watch.
00:44:40There's nobody around here worried about anything.
00:44:44I'm actually colder next to you.
00:44:46Those creepy old assholes trying to think.
00:44:49At least some will be ready.
00:44:50I love you.
00:44:51I love you too.
00:44:52I love you too.
00:44:59It's a good idea, Carl.
00:45:01I'll stay up with you for a while.
00:45:03Chris!
00:45:05You can call me dad, son.
00:45:08Get some silver props.
00:45:08Oh, damn.
00:45:17Yeah.
00:45:24Ooh.
00:45:28Ooh.
00:45:30Ooh.
00:45:33Here.
00:45:43Thank you for the hypothermia and poison Kool-Aid, Father Abraham.
00:45:50My hair gets poofy if I don't towel dry.
00:45:53You smell like lilacs.
00:45:55Yeah, I do, because they infuse it into their homemade soap.
00:45:57Enjoy smelling like homeless butthole and sleeping on dirt, bitches.
00:46:00Kate Upton, I will paint your body some day.
00:46:15Hello?
00:46:18Father Abraham?
00:46:22Sarah?
00:46:26Brooklyn?
00:46:30Brooklyn?
00:46:57You guys hear that?
00:46:58Hey, wake up!
00:47:00Dad!
00:47:01Wake up!
00:47:03Let's get in there and see that little pussy!
00:47:05Should we, though?
00:47:06Yeah, we should. Come on!
00:47:11Weird dude.
00:47:14Babe!
00:47:15No, no, no, no, no, no!
00:47:16Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
00:47:17Stop it! Stop it!
00:47:18You!
00:47:19I'm a guest, your parents!
00:47:20My parents don't have guests! Why are you here?
00:47:23We were traveling outside the city and we heard that your farm or ranch or whatever was a safe haven,
00:47:27which it totally says that it is.
00:47:28I mean, with like a huge group, they have a camp outside. Did you not see them? They have like
00:47:32a roaring campfire.
00:47:34I have night blindness.
00:47:36Oh my God, me too.
00:47:37Why are you inside?
00:47:38I have back issues.
00:47:40Me too.
00:47:41Really?
00:47:44Good God, dude! Are you twerked right now?
00:47:46You're way hotter than I thought you were gonna be. And also not dead.
00:47:53What are you guys doing in here?
00:47:54We're here to save your ass from that zombie bitch.
00:47:56Shh! Don't say that word in here!
00:47:58Yeah, she's not a bee.
00:47:59No!
00:48:00The C word.
00:48:02Why?
00:48:03My parents don't know the world has turned to shit.
00:48:05How is that possible?
00:48:07They never leave the property.
00:48:09They don't have a TV and they don't listen to the radio.
00:48:12I mean, I turn it on once a day just to see if anything's changed.
00:48:16I love the song.
00:48:17And you haven't told them because...
00:48:20Have you seen how old they are?
00:48:22I mean, they would literally have a heart attack if they knew they weren't taken in by the rapture.
00:48:26Wow, so where have you like been this whole time?
00:48:29We totally thought you were a z...
00:48:32Your parents kept talking about your illness and...
00:48:35I don't have an illness.
00:48:36I got into a fight with them because they caught me smoking the gange.
00:48:40With...
00:48:41With marijuana.
00:48:43Totally cool.
00:48:44Tubular.
00:48:45Like...
00:48:45Yeah.
00:48:46I did that stuff all the time.
00:48:47Well, I didn't used to.
00:48:49I mean, I just started after I saw some of that shit.
00:48:51You say that again, Janice.
00:48:58Joplin?
00:48:59I mean, if that reference is too young for you, she was a huge stoner.
00:49:03That ain't funny if you have to explain it.
00:49:05Oh, you get it.
00:49:06So your parents found out and like shunned you or something?
00:49:09That's pretty harsh.
00:49:10My parents are pretty old fashioned.
00:49:12Staying in the barn just keeps them off my back.
00:49:14How long are you guys planning on staying?
00:49:16Uh...
00:49:17We haven't really...
00:49:18We kind of thought that your parents were crazy killers hiding z...
00:49:22Zom...
00:49:23Zs.
00:49:24So...
00:49:24Sorry.
00:49:25I freaked you out.
00:49:26You probably thought it was some like...
00:49:28Zombie rapist or...
00:49:30Oh, the scummiest of all busy words.
00:49:33Right?
00:49:33Only living rape for me.
00:49:36Yeah, cut and run, kid.
00:49:37That was a joke.
00:49:38I would never...
00:49:39Like rape is bad.
00:49:41I'm not a raper...
00:49:41Rapist.
00:49:42I would never try...
00:49:43I haven't even...
00:49:43You know what?
00:49:44I'm gonna go ahead and...
00:49:45Ugh.
00:49:46No recovering from that one.
00:50:01Good morning, everybody.
00:50:03Good morning.
00:50:05Uh, I just wanted to thank you for being the biggest cop park ever last night.
00:50:09I'm sorry, princess.
00:50:10Hey, did you say your prayers?
00:50:12Yeah.
00:50:12Always.
00:50:13I assume you didn't.
00:50:14Kind of explains your attitude towards life and everything.
00:50:17Tea bag?
00:50:17Oh, my God.
00:50:19Nope.
00:50:20Well, good morning, everyone.
00:50:22Good morning, Abraham.
00:50:22Uh-huh.
00:50:24Still got his toys, I see.
00:50:26Well, this looks like the beginning of another beautiful day.
00:50:30Another blessing from our God in heaven.
00:50:32We would like to introduce you to our daughter, Isaac.
00:50:36She's feeling better and she wanted to meet you.
00:50:38What's up, everybody?
00:50:40Nice day.
00:50:41Hi.
00:50:41So, very nice to meet you for the first time ever.
00:50:44Y'all are welcome to stay for as long as you like.
00:50:47But if you're going to, I'd like to ask you if you could kind of help out around here a
00:50:51little.
00:50:52My back's beginning to feel its age and, of course, Isaac is a little limited, being a woman and all.
00:50:58He's right.
00:50:59My place is in the kitchen.
00:51:00We're more than happy to help out, Abraham.
00:51:02Whatever we gotta do to earn our keep.
00:51:03Actually, we could use quite a bit of help sowing our oats and gathering up brush and firewood.
00:51:09Lucky for you, I am very good at sowing my own oats.
00:51:12God.
00:51:13Oh, that's great.
00:51:14Tea bag?
00:51:16I always like this better as a parable.
00:51:20Yeah, well, at least we're not running from brain-thirsty a-holes.
00:51:25You can't be brain-thirsty.
00:51:27You don't drink brains, idiot.
00:51:28Ease up on the kid, Brooke.
00:51:30I'm sure you can squeeze some juice from a nice, ripe brain.
00:51:34Clearly you're unaware of his supreme ability to be a huge little bitch.
00:51:38Well, he seems manly enough to me.
00:51:40He can sow his oats like a pro.
00:51:41Well, prepare for disappointment when it comes to shooting off on time or in the right direction.
00:51:46You seem especially gritty today, Brooklyn.
00:51:49You stressed?
00:51:50Need a release?
00:51:52Not if you have anything to do with it.
00:51:54I think I can help.
00:51:56I do know a place that can be a great stress relief.
00:51:59Am I in a pose, Romeo?
00:52:01I'm super stressed.
00:52:03Whatever it is, I'm in.
00:52:10Welcome to my stress ball.
00:52:13Come on in.
00:52:35This is not what I expected.
00:52:37Impresso.
00:52:39Pop's fine, girl.
00:52:42I prefer meth.
00:52:47Kidding.
00:52:50I, um, yeah.
00:52:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:52:52Yeah, I definitely always, always, always prefer to, uh, to, uh, to, uh, to really stress, like, uh, with that,
00:53:00with, uh, with drugs.
00:53:02It's, it's, it's my, it's my...
00:53:06Yeah?
00:53:09What you got in there?
00:53:10It's my own special blend.
00:53:11And I call it, hash of the living dead.
00:53:15It's actually kind of creative.
00:53:24Holy shit.
00:53:25Hey.
00:53:28If I had a working brain, I'm sure this would be awesome.
00:53:31Uh-huh.
00:53:32Jesus, let me help you, brother.
00:53:39I shall call you Le Bon James.
00:53:52All right, nobody touch me.
00:53:54I'm gonna get weird.
00:53:59Um.
00:54:02No one's, like, uh, like, died from this, right?
00:54:05It's, it's...
00:54:06Dude!
00:54:07Don't bogart that bomb.
00:54:08Let's try second hand the first time.
00:54:12Come on.
00:54:20No.
00:54:21No.
00:54:21That I didn't.
00:54:22Good God.
00:54:25It's, uh...
00:54:27It's, it's like...
00:54:29Yeah?
00:54:29It's, the world is kind of, um...
00:54:33It's, like, swirly.
00:54:34Swirly?
00:54:35Yeah.
00:54:36It's, like, kind of, like, froyo, and you do the two mix.
00:54:39The mix.
00:54:40Rose and yogurt.
00:54:40Oh, my God.
00:54:43I want froyo so fast.
00:54:48Feel like I'm in a...
00:54:50Giant warm skin suit.
00:54:53What's that?
00:54:54Sure.
00:54:55Mm-hm.
00:54:57Yeah!
00:55:17You mean...
00:55:22Yeah, you could be really good, right?
00:55:23Oh, my God.
00:55:26Pretty sounds make me happy.
00:56:05Weird. Didn't know you could hallucinate on the ganj.
00:56:13This is actually the clearest my mind has been in weeks.
00:56:18My least favorite thing in the entire world is a Twinkie.
00:56:24Hey Twinkie!
00:56:26Twinkie!
00:56:27Hey Twinkie!
00:56:28Where's Green Boy?
00:56:33Ave Maria
00:56:42Symphonia's calamity!
00:56:44Way went.
00:56:48Zoofy!
00:56:56..verfeere eenie, wonfroong plageen!
00:57:31Guarantee A-Rod, Maguire,
00:57:33the rock will survive because it's steroids.
00:57:37What the hell was that?
00:57:39Obviously fireworks, dipshit.
00:57:49Okay, that was at the barn.
00:57:51Let's go!
00:58:03Holy F-word, S-word.
00:58:05Did you guys see those fireworks?
00:58:07Stress relieved.
00:58:09Damn, kid.
00:58:10If I am not in love with you right now...
00:58:15That shit was dope, green man.
00:58:18I was just doing me, man.
00:58:19Just doing me.
00:58:21To you.
00:58:22What was that?
00:58:23Warning shot?
00:58:24You been infected?
00:58:26Answer!
00:58:27Dude!
00:58:28We're just...
00:58:29Hey!
00:58:30Hey!
00:58:31Enough with the violence, Chris.
00:58:34I mean, did Mandela's death mean nothing?
00:58:36Tupac and Biggie, nothing?
00:58:38Can't we just find some kind of peaceful resolution?
00:58:41What in the name of Seventh Heaven have he done?
00:58:44Don't you know we're under severe water restrictions
00:58:47and fire warnings?
00:58:49This drought is serious!
00:58:51That was like 15 years ago.
00:58:54Well, I guess it's about time to renew our newspaper subscription.
00:58:58I'll go into town tomorrow.
00:58:59Do you have any idea how loud that was, huh?
00:59:02Oh.
00:59:03That must have been audible for miles.
00:59:05Oh my God, you guys saw those pretty sky flowers too?
00:59:09Isaac, what is wrong with you?
00:59:12You look like you've been doing drugs!
00:59:15Mother, trust me.
00:59:17We totally have.
00:59:22Super duper stoned.
00:59:25For the record, I will state, it was awesome.
00:59:29Kids still shouldn't do it.
00:59:30This is a little PSA for you two lovebirds.
00:59:33I see that chemistry now.
00:59:35Isaac, this is not okay.
00:59:38What the hell is that?
00:59:39Where?
00:59:39Well, it looks like old Hank, our next farm neighbor,
00:59:43he sure is walking funny.
00:59:44You all right there, Hank?
00:59:46He ain't all right.
00:59:47Let me do him.
00:59:49Why are you playing with a child's toy?
00:59:52We've actually been wondering that for like a real long time.
00:59:56Hey!
00:59:57You should talk.
00:59:58Shooting contests, you and me, right now.
01:00:01Oh Jesus, that'd be like watching a WNBA game.
01:00:05No, oh Hank, no.
01:00:08Oh, son, you know what you just did.
01:00:10I just killed a zombie that was about to rip your leg off, crazy old man.
01:00:13Hey, Carl, show some respect.
01:00:16What's a zombie?
01:00:17A zombie.
01:00:19Everyone outside this farm has been infected by a crazy virus.
01:00:23People are eating each other out there.
01:00:24And my buzz is completely gone.
01:00:27Thank you, Hank.
01:00:28God rest his soul.
01:00:30Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:00:32This can't be.
01:00:33I just found out myself.
01:00:35Came out of a coma a couple days ago.
01:00:37Whole world was gone.
01:00:39Isaac, why have you kept this from us?
01:00:41I'm sorry, I didn't want to tell you because I thought...
01:00:44She thought it would be too much for you to take.
01:00:45I can't believe that you're doing drugs.
01:00:51Oh God, forgive us.
01:00:54We have failed as parents.
01:00:56Mother, Papa, I am so, so sorry.
01:01:00Did they not hear the whole zombie apocalypse thing?
01:01:03That's some pretty selective hearing.
01:01:05Sucks for your girlfriend.
01:01:08Oh my God, will you quit that shit for five seconds?
01:01:12I'm sorry, I'm not Rambo.
01:01:13And I wasn't prepared for the freaking zombie apocalypse like everybody else apparently was.
01:01:17Yeah, I can't shoot.
01:01:19I'm sorry.
01:01:19Get off my back.
01:01:20You and your sister are complete assholes.
01:01:22The only reason that we keep you around is because you're hot and she's a child.
01:01:26I'm a teenager, fart face.
01:01:28Swear to Christ, little girl, if you open your mouth one more time,
01:01:31I will rip that zombie's jaw off and sink its teeth into your neck.
01:01:36Wait, hold up, did you just talk?
01:01:39I thought you were like too traumatized to speak or...
01:01:41She was mute.
01:01:43Use her little weapon, damn it.
01:01:44That's how Walkers talk.
01:01:46She's deaf, you mega asshole.
01:01:49Cowboy asshole.
01:01:50Dipshit little bitch.
01:01:52How have you guys not noticed?
01:01:54Are you all that self-absorbed?
01:01:56How'd she know what we're saying then?
01:01:58She can read lips, you idiot.
01:01:59Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, everyone calm down.
01:02:03Whatever, man.
01:02:03This is freaking bullshit.
01:02:05So what's the plan, Sheriff?
01:02:06Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
01:02:15whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:02:18I mean, I thought this was some kind of a diaphragm or whatever.
01:02:22Diarchy.
01:02:23You just got hired a bunch of college-age kids.
01:02:25I don't expect your opinion at the leader anymore.
01:02:27Hey, hey, hey, hey, Carl, that's enough!
01:02:30That's enough!
01:02:31We're losing our humanity here!
01:02:34Huh?
01:02:35Let's take a page out of Romeo's playbook.
01:02:39Keep it calm.
01:02:41Fine.
01:02:43Sheriff, I guess you're the sheriff now.
01:02:46I always was.
01:02:48Fine, Chief.
01:02:50Sheriff.
01:02:52Now, why don't you get your goddamn Kid Rock Kenny Chesney poser-ass hat off my Stetson?
01:03:12All right, listen up.
01:03:14I said listen up!
01:03:18Do I have your attention now?
01:03:24Everyone look away!
01:03:26Look away!
01:03:29All right, look back!
01:03:39Now, obviously, this place isn't untouched anymore.
01:03:42Right?
01:03:43It's just a matter of time before that fence is breached, and we'll swarm.
01:03:48The way I see it is we got two choices.
01:03:51One, we could do the smart thing and run like the pussies we are.
01:03:57Or we could stand our ground and protect these sweet innocent old people and their hot stoner daughter.
01:04:02From the infection and the inevitable invasion of the walking dead, and the living dead, and all sorts of dead.
01:04:11Which we may or may not have brought here through stoner fireworks.
01:04:15I'm all for battle, but us versus a town full of zombies?
01:04:19That sounds pretty damn stupid.
01:04:21Then there it is.
01:04:22We stay.
01:04:23Well, I mean, it is our fault that they're getting through, so...
01:04:25Was I the one baked and going all Fourth of July on this janky barn?
01:04:29Oh, wait, no.
01:04:30No, that was you guys.
01:04:32Where the hell is little Romeo, anyway?
01:04:37Not you, stroked face.
01:04:38Green Bay, where's Green Bay?
01:04:41Looking for a girl.
01:04:42Well, go find him, then.
01:04:44He's just making it worse.
01:04:47Take your time, buddy.
01:04:51Alright, spread out.
01:04:54Do something official.
01:04:56I'm gonna look for, uh...
01:04:59Any evidence of...
01:05:01I'm looking for a roach.
01:05:08Ha!
01:05:10Oh, boy.
01:05:11I know exactly where this is going.
01:05:14Hey.
01:05:15Where's your girl?
01:05:16I don't know, man.
01:05:16I don't know how to get to her.
01:05:17I mean, I know girls want their space or whatever, but I gotta get inside somehow.
01:05:22I can't go to her parents.
01:05:24They hate me.
01:05:24Uh, I know what to do.
01:05:31Alright, I'm gonna just knock.
01:05:34God!
01:05:35Dude!
01:05:42What the hell?
01:05:43Hey, Isaac.
01:05:44Dude!
01:05:45Dude!
01:05:45Uncool!
01:05:46If you break the window, I'm gonna get blamed for it and I'm already in deep shit.
01:05:50It was me.
01:05:52What's your name again?
01:05:54Romeo.
01:05:55Romero?
01:05:56Like George?
01:05:57No.
01:05:58Romeo.
01:05:58Like...
01:05:59You're kidding me.
01:06:00That's even better.
01:06:01Yes.
01:06:02Not kidding.
01:06:02Okay.
01:06:03One.
01:06:03Sorry I disturb your peace.
01:06:05My bad.
01:06:06Two.
01:06:06We have a pretty looming problem out here.
01:06:08You mean the portal and the fence that's letting dead people in?
01:06:11Haven't forgot about that.
01:06:12We're staying to help fight.
01:06:15Okay, now get me out of here.
01:06:16But see, I'd rather you stay inside.
01:06:19Like, away from safe.
01:06:20Can't this bitch just sneak out the window?
01:06:23Okay.
01:06:24Okay.
01:06:25On it.
01:06:26Just...
01:06:31Too...
01:06:32Awkward.
01:06:33Agreed.
01:06:47What do you want, son?
01:06:48You and your friends are no longer welcome in this beautiful home that my grandfather built
01:06:53with his own two hands that I restored into the lovely summer cottage that you're looking
01:06:58at before you.
01:06:59When this is all over with, you should start a bed and breakfast.
01:07:02But, these zombies, they're coming.
01:07:03They're rabid.
01:07:04They don't stop.
01:07:07You guys can survive a little while in here, but eventually you're gonna need supplies.
01:07:11We can fix the fence.
01:07:13By the way, that was Hank's fault.
01:07:14We can do everything we can out here to hold him off, but we need Isaac.
01:07:19What part of no do you not understand?
01:07:24She's in enough trouble as it is.
01:07:25You and your people haven't exactly been a good influence on her.
01:07:29Look, sir.
01:07:29We gotta go.
01:07:30There's no time.
01:07:32This is literally life or death.
01:07:35All I need is five minutes.
01:07:36Just five minutes.
01:07:38Ten minutes.
01:07:39That's all you got.
01:07:41Okay.
01:07:42Yeah.
01:07:42That sounds good.
01:07:43Just a minute.
01:07:45What's the password?
01:07:47Um, is it Father Abraham had many sons, and many sons have Father Abraham.
01:08:01You may pass.
01:08:05Isaac!
01:08:07Isaac, are you decent?
01:08:08No.
01:08:09I've gotten completely naked since we last talked.
01:08:13Oh, damn.
01:08:13I was being sarcastic.
01:08:15I know.
01:08:16Okay.
01:08:16Let's go.
01:08:16Okay.
01:08:25Heavenly Father, just as you protected David against Goliath, watch over us.
01:08:31Help us to rise up with strength.
01:08:34Yes, Father.
01:08:35We will fight with all we can.
01:08:38Yeah, I guess.
01:08:38And please speak to Isaac's heart about her irresponsible use of marijuana.
01:08:45Oh, please, God.
01:08:46In Jesus' name, amen.
01:08:48Amen.
01:08:49Amen.
01:08:49All right.
01:08:50I'm gonna say we head out to the west side.
01:08:51Check that out first.
01:09:08Yeah!
01:09:09Ah!
01:09:10God!
01:09:16Carl.
01:09:17Locuers.
01:09:18Chris.
01:09:19Oh, yeah.
01:09:20There they are just waiting on it.
01:09:22Better to fight them here in the trees.
01:09:23We should draw them here to us.
01:09:25So just let them charge us like a civil war battle?
01:09:28They got teeth.
01:09:30We got guns.
01:09:32And Darnell's shooty thingy.
01:09:37So, you can't shoot, huh?
01:09:39I mean, I can shoot.
01:09:41Just most of the time you miss.
01:09:43Yeah, that's the gist of it.
01:09:44These living dead douchebags are easier to kill than you think.
01:09:47How's that?
01:09:48Well, for some reason their skulls are super soft.
01:09:51I mean, I'm talking newborn baby soft.
01:09:53Guns are guns.
01:09:54But I guess there's more than one way to kill the living dead.
01:09:58It's trying to be convenient.
01:09:59That is true.
01:10:03Let's draw them in.
01:10:05Hey!
01:10:07Hey, over here!
01:10:09Yeah, look at my neck!
01:10:11Hey!
01:10:11Hey!
01:10:11You wanna bite that?
01:10:20Hey!
01:10:25You guys ready?
01:10:26No, I'm out of bullets.
01:10:28Shh.
01:10:29All right, reload, reload.
01:10:30Let's go.
01:10:30Damn it.
01:10:34All right.
01:10:36Let's do it!
01:10:37Yeah!
01:10:38Woo!
01:10:45You should try Inner Monologue.
01:10:47It'd be really great to actually hear your voice.
01:10:57What was that?
01:11:00Oh, my God!
01:11:03The stoners are here!
01:11:04What are they doing here?
01:11:06Sarah!
01:11:06Be quiet!
01:11:07Shh!
01:11:08You'll attract more!
01:11:09They probably smell your stew.
01:11:11It's giving them the...
01:11:12Whatchamacallit?
01:11:13Munchies, father.
01:11:15Take Mom to my old room.
01:11:16I am not leaving you here!
01:11:18Damn it, Dad!
01:11:19Take her to my old room!
01:11:22You watch your language, young lady.
01:11:24Hey.
01:11:25We can take these assholes.
01:11:27Yeah.
01:11:28And you can do it without a gun.
01:11:32Soft skulls, you said.
01:11:33The softest.
01:11:57Check this.
01:12:01What's up?
01:12:03Push it.
01:12:06Push it.
01:12:11Push it.
01:12:14Push it.
01:12:18I got an idea.
01:12:21Tickleback!
01:12:24What?
01:12:25They made me want to blow my brains out.
01:12:27Figured it might do the trick.
01:12:28Come on.
01:12:36Suck it!
01:12:36Yes!
01:12:40Wait.
01:12:42Hey, handsome!
01:12:44Cloud Atlas, Inception, and Pat.
01:12:46Explain.
01:12:50That was awesome.
01:12:53Isaac!
01:12:54Isaac!
01:12:55Come to your old bedroom, which is now the guest room.
01:12:58Now!
01:12:58Oh, shit!
01:12:59I bet they found my old bong.
01:13:00Or my magazine.
01:13:01Come on!
01:13:02If you haven't heard already, the world's top scientists have finally found a cure for the disease
01:13:07and have released it into the water supply.
01:13:10Pretty obvious solution.
01:13:11Surprised nobody thought of it before.
01:13:12Anyway, the president released a statement urging everyone to turn their sprinklers on.
01:13:17Meanwhile, there is still no cure for Miley Cyrus.
01:13:20Oh!
01:13:22Hey!
01:13:24Hey!
01:13:24Come on!
01:13:29Hey!
01:13:29Hey!
01:13:31Hey!
01:13:33Hey!
01:13:38I got him!
01:13:43I got him!
01:13:44I got him!
01:13:46I got him!
01:13:47Hell yeah!
01:13:48I was only five feet away that time!
01:13:50For the love of God, man!
01:13:51Use a gun!
01:13:54I got him!
01:13:57Hey!
01:13:58That's that one-er guy!
01:14:00I told you the rumors were true!
01:14:02Then why the hell did you shoot him?
01:14:05Oh!
01:14:06Oh, shit!
01:14:07Oh, shit!
01:14:09Oh, shit!
01:14:11I was loading the thing, I mean...
01:14:14It was already loaded!
01:14:15Well, I mean...
01:14:16I know that now, Captain Obvious's.
01:14:19Damn it!
01:14:20Oh, shit!
01:14:20That's why I used this!
01:14:22Darnell, what the hell are you doing?
01:14:24Go get my arrows!
01:14:26You got 20 in your fanny pack!
01:14:27God damn it!
01:14:28Would you get off me?
01:14:28I just murdered a man!
01:14:30Look out!
01:14:34Oh, my God!
01:14:37No!
01:14:40Carl, take the shot if you got one!
01:14:42I ain't got one!
01:14:43My fucking name is Chris!
01:14:46Oh, my God!
01:14:55Jamie!
01:14:56You can't have potato!
01:15:02Holy shit!
01:15:04That was hot!
01:15:06Come back to the house!
01:15:07Come back to the house!
01:15:08You don't have to tell me again!
01:15:11Come on!
01:15:17God, finally!
01:15:19It's inevitable, isn't it?
01:15:21I wonder how the blood flow is down there.
01:15:24I want to be with you... forever.
01:15:27I'm sorry, what?
01:15:28Our love...
01:15:30will bind us through eternity.
01:15:32Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
01:15:35How do I get out of this?
01:15:36Just bite me.
01:15:37It was good.
01:15:39Hard.
01:15:41Oh, thank God.
01:15:48That was easy.
01:15:49Now we can be dead together.
01:15:53I can't wait to tell Harlem.
01:15:55What's going on?
01:15:56What's going on with the feathers?
01:15:58I'll explain those later.
01:15:59Chicken zombies?
01:16:00Hey, guys!
01:16:00Guess what?
01:16:01What?
01:16:01Romeo and I are together.
01:16:03That's news.
01:16:04Whatever that means.
01:16:05Look, they found a cure.
01:16:07What?
01:16:07No bullshit.
01:16:08They confirmed it last week.
01:16:09They dumped the cure in the water.
01:16:11It cures zombies on contact.
01:16:13Gets in through their bites, through their sores, any open wounds they might have.
01:16:16The butthole?
01:16:17What?
01:16:18Really?
01:16:18And here I thought love was making me human.
01:16:21Yeah, apparently it hurts like a son of a bitch, but...
01:16:22Anything in the butthole does.
01:16:24You regain consciousness, you're coming alive.
01:16:26Who could complain about that?
01:16:27Damn it.
01:16:28So basically, we just wait here until they come by, and then we douse them.
01:16:32I'm gonna go ahead and test this theory.
01:16:34Ow!
01:16:35Yep, it stings.
01:16:36Whoa!
01:16:36You branded yourself?
01:16:38That's like the sexiest, most hard-ass thing ever.
01:16:41Well, that was the worst cover-up I've ever heard.
01:16:43Wow, you totally knew.
01:16:45Branded my ass.
01:16:46You've been bit.
01:16:47Win.
01:16:47About three weeks ago?
01:16:49Wait.
01:16:50This whole time?
01:16:51You've been a zombie this whole time?
01:16:53You've been deaf this whole time?
01:16:57Good God.
01:16:57And you too?
01:16:59No, mine just happened a few minutes ago.
01:17:01Anyone else?
01:17:02Holy shit, that's unpleasant!
01:17:04Oh my God, can I go back to being a zombie?
01:17:07Matching bites, that's cute.
01:17:09Man, I can't believe I didn't realize you were a zombie until just now.
01:17:12I guess I was just blinded by how panty-melting hot you are.
01:17:15You're very hot too.
01:17:16Wanted to tell you that for a while.
01:17:18Ah, you're a super bitch, but you're also super hot.
01:17:21We got a couple.
01:17:23Spray lead.
01:17:36Yeah, good boy.
01:17:40We're starting.
01:17:41Yeah.
01:17:43Yeah.
01:18:10Oh, my God.
01:18:13Oh, my God.
01:18:13Oh, my God.
01:18:14Oh, my God.
01:18:22What the hell are you doing?
01:18:24You're better.
01:18:52Damn, girl, let me haunt you for a sec.
01:18:56You make those healing legs look hella good.
01:18:59I swear, Green Ray, if you cock-rock me right now, I will.
01:19:05My man, Penthouse, Playboy, Maxim, Swimsuit Edition, freaking L.L. Bean, what?
01:19:12God bless you or desperate.
01:19:13No.
01:19:13God, dang.
01:19:16Yeah, the Reaganites had a huge porn stash in their bedside table.
01:19:19Come on, dude.
01:19:21I jacked one of Isaac's birth control pills,
01:19:23anti-fungal cream for whatever disgusting zombie STD she's carrying,
01:19:27and a pocket Bible for when you realize just how badly you need Jesus.
01:19:32And there's a cold water creek from, like, 1972 in the bathroom
01:19:36if you really have to go that far.
01:19:38You brought me birth control, kid?
01:19:40I got you.
01:19:41Love it, bro.
01:19:45All right, now why don't you show me where you got bit?
01:19:50I think I might be married.
01:19:53I only run from the words I think I might be.
01:19:55That's followed by the word pregnant.
01:19:58Now let's get that blood flowing.
01:20:02Don't be afraid to make the first move, son.
01:20:05All right?
01:20:05I know you're beyond your years, but you're still a kid, so go ahead and give her a kiss.
01:20:10I love you, Chris.
01:20:11I love you, too, pops.
01:20:13But I'm sorry for almost killing you and...
01:20:16It's okay.
01:20:17...killing Mom.
01:20:18I'm going to have some issues.
01:20:21Yes, you will.
01:20:22Yes, you will.
01:20:26What'd you do to your hair?
01:20:34There you are, sweetie.
01:20:36Oh, give me a hug.
01:20:37I'm good to see you, too.
01:20:39Oh, my sweet girl.
01:20:40I love you, Mom.
01:20:41I love you, too, honey.
01:20:43Let's go to my room.
01:20:45To the barn?
01:20:47No, haven't you heard?
01:20:48I moved back in with my parents.
01:20:49It's so embarrassing.
01:20:51Hey, just blame it on the economy.
01:20:53That's what I do every single time.
01:20:55Come on.
01:21:04We have to get this off to you.
01:21:05Come on.
01:21:06It's still running.
01:21:06Sticky.
01:21:12Good God.
01:21:13Kiss me.
01:21:14You smell so terrible.
01:21:14Yes, so do you.
01:21:15Let's do this.
01:21:17Oh, my God.
01:21:19Wait.
01:21:20What?
01:21:20No.
01:21:21What?
01:21:21Wait.
01:21:21Hope you didn't have any plans for Memorial Day.
01:21:23NASA has just announced that an asteroid the size of Texas is on a direct path to Earth.
01:21:28The end of the world is here again.
01:21:31Shit!
01:21:32On the bright side, until that happens, we got nothing but commercial-free music lined up.
01:21:37And Justin Bieber kicking it all off next.
01:21:44Yes, I do.
01:21:45I do it for you.
01:21:48Well, lucky enough for me, he's about as good a shot as Helen Keller.
01:21:52Her being blind and all.
01:21:54Nope.
01:21:56Her being a woman and all.
01:21:57I'm sorry.
01:21:58I've started compiling me so much.
01:22:00Stop it!
01:22:01God!
01:22:03I'm so sorry.
01:22:06So your pants found out.
01:22:07Ah, yep.
01:22:09So your pants found out.
01:22:13Yeah.
01:22:13Hold on.
01:22:14Sorry.
01:22:14Emily was in.
01:22:15Emily, can you clear the shot?
01:22:17My place is in the kitchen.
01:22:19More than helping a half out.
01:22:21Damn.
01:22:22Let's see if you're going to kill yourself.
01:22:24Ready?
01:22:25Ah!
01:22:30Why isn't the ice working?
01:22:31Oh, that's the last one.
01:22:32No, I didn't.
01:22:34Ah!
01:22:37And fence of the shit.
01:22:39All right, Jack.
01:22:40No, I was going to throw this little piece of shit away, but, uh...
01:22:43Piece of shit away, but, uh...
01:22:51Clever assholes.
01:22:52Ah!
01:22:54Fuck.
01:22:55Jeez, guys.
01:22:56Sheriff.
01:22:57Ah, Sheriff.
01:22:58Goddamn zombies on bicycles.
01:23:02And...
01:23:03Why?
01:23:04By the way, that was Hank's fault.
01:23:06Do you guys live near an airstrip?
01:23:10Sorry.
01:23:12I wish we'd just cut this crap off.
01:23:14Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:23:15Hold it up.
01:23:17You guys see that blade?
01:23:19Could be a zombie plane attack!
01:23:21I just killed a zombie that was about to...
01:23:23I just killed a zombie that was about to...
01:23:25I just killed a zombie that was about to...
01:23:27Sucks for your girlfriend.
01:23:29When this plane was actually caught, let it pass.
01:23:32We're losing our humanity here!
01:23:35Let's take the paint.
01:23:37I got you, darling.
01:23:38Let's take a page at a Romeo's...
01:23:41Let's take a page.
01:23:47Be quiet now, be quiet.
01:23:48They probably smell your stew, and it's giving them the munchies or something.
01:23:53So I'll say that again.
01:24:00That's okay.
01:24:03Can you kiss me or what?
01:24:15I cleaned up a mess once.
01:24:17I'll make a mess on your face.
01:24:19She'll clean it up.
01:24:21Very handy that way.
01:24:23Sounds like we should have went to the airport instead of this farm.
01:24:26That is a...
01:24:28They've got flights going out in the morning.
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