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Short filmTranscript
00:19Good morning, handsome.
00:22So, not to be this bitch, but it is my birthday, 18 NBD, and I would love to hang tonight.
00:30And you don't have to give me a present or anything, but I may have one for you.
01:22And you don't have to give me a present or anything, but I don't have to give you a present.
01:29And you don't have to give me a present.
01:29Do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we
01:36love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do
01:37we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love,
01:37do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we
01:37love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do
01:38we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love,
01:38do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we
01:38love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do we love, do
01:47we love, do we love, do we love
01:55birthday there are actually houses out there that have hallways like you don't need to go through
02:03someone's bedroom to get to the kitchen oh sounds boring what is this what what are you doing your
02:10father called this morning and he said he wants to come for your birthday but i wanted to check
02:17with you first oh my god um you are adorable but don't worry he's not coming no he called from
02:26the
02:26road and he said he's gonna get here right about dinner time okay sure but i actually have plans
02:35tonight so um even if you were coming which he's not i wouldn't be here oh where are you going
02:43what
02:43are you doing i'm just going to the party this this guy's throwing i might i might stop by this
02:49guy
02:50is it brody you know what mom for my birthday could you just give me the gift of boundaries
02:58even if it's just for the day sure i'll try anything once i just want to say um be careful
03:07because those cute boys who know they're cute it's trouble trouble trouble okay can you go now
03:18boundaries oh go go oh my god
03:24fuck i can't keep doing this yeah okay really yep oh thanks for understanding of course have a great
03:33day can't wait to fuck you later wait i'm like serious i know you're serious now just like you
03:39were serious yesterday morning and the morning before that i prefer nighttime julian she's fun
03:44okay what if brody finds out look it's not like this is ideal for me either would it be the
03:50worst
03:51thing if we just tell him since when do we start locking doors
03:56shit noah hold on it's an emergency
04:02please
04:06i think mingus is obsessed with me yes that's usually what happens when a teenager has sex
04:11with someone but i've been ignoring him for three weeks now and he still isn't getting it
04:15and by ignoring him you mean answering him with the bare minimum effort and sending the occasional
04:19meme yes i think you should tell him how you feel
04:23duh you little bitch i can't tell him today because it's his birthday and we have drag wrestling
04:28and you would never do something so selfish shouldn't you be at work right now
04:39you're right and not knowing about us is so much easier no there's no us for him to know about
04:44we're just fucking and um thanks for helping me hide
05:15i throw my panties at you but the school's super weird about me not wearing underwear
05:19fucking prunes right i wish i was going to see y'all perform tonight i feel like i missed my
05:24calling in life groupie you do love giving head i really do i mean if you really wanted to come
05:32no babysitting is the least i could do you mean parenting right yeah what did i say
06:05noah you gotta say
06:12is everything okay sorry to be the one to tell you this but uh you're not going to be making
06:17partner the last few months your mind has been elsewhere no i yeah you've literally been googling
06:24pictures of chris maloney's butt at work but the bottom line is you need more billable hours
06:33look i'm sorry i've been distracted these past couple months i you don't have to i i get it
06:42and we do care about you here which is why we're giving you the choice to either stay or go
06:50it's up to
07:03did he actually invite you though yeah of course he invited me what hey mark hey paul cute haircut
07:11do we have to have this conversation in here yes yes okay so look he texted me about the party
07:17i
07:17ghost fag and then he sent me this so where's that even from uh real housewives i think i don't
07:24know
07:24i don't watch how does she start people an invite because i told him i wanted to be with him
07:32on my
07:32birthday and then he sent me that so it's like you know she's starting like we're starting the birthday
07:38festivities are starting i don't know fuck you um before you say anything jake keep in mind that
07:43our new news is in love i'm not in love i just i had this insane night with brody and
07:52we're like
07:53really fucking connected and look okay i'm not delusional i know he's been avoiding me but i really
07:59think it's because of the age difference and 18 is a big fucking number i'm like an adult now yes
08:05you fucking are and no matter what we are going to give you the best fucking birthday on this planet
08:10do you have to go yes yes let's get it vamonos girlies
08:33wow all right so i'm gonna need to fuck you not in front of kids listen if there's two things
08:41they
08:41need to know one is that even though they're zaddy will never admit it they are very good at makeup
08:51and two that their mommy still gets it in
08:58you're so hot
09:02hi baby daddy god i love watching hot guys build things that's beautiful brody did you call just to
09:08tell me that you're coming tonight right drag wrestling oh i wish i must take care of the
09:13children again oh they're so cute i like them now how big of you want to come help did share
09:20forgive
09:21me for last time no but they're generously pretending to be over it well if you get bored you can
09:27come
09:27here hmm sure i'll just give the babies a whiskey soaked rag and hop on over it's your birthday
09:34boyfriend coming too how do you know it's his birthday freak because i'm his teacher freak we have
09:39to know students birthday so we can celebrate them in class it makes me very angry in a very boomer
09:43way
09:44well he's not my boyfriend and he's not coming brody can you tell your hot workerman to keep it down
09:50i'm tutoring gotta go typical avoidant behavior bye bitch he's the worst i know i know
10:02okay i know math is a scam and you won't actually ever use it as an adult but this one
10:06is simple
10:08so x equals 32. honey no it's 245.4 oh wait i think i know what the problem is i
10:16don't give a
10:17shit and i don't want to be here sorry to interrupt
10:34it's complicated then let me simplify it he's a walking love island contestant and you live together
10:40and he dated my brother that's kind of hard do you like him yeah but it's messy and not in
10:49a way
10:50that sparks joy so i need to make onto it i can say no hey so i've been thinking about
11:01it and i think
11:02we should go on a date tonight yes
11:18don't worry just breathe it was made for this thank you you too i just it just don't feel like
11:25how it
11:26felt yeah the stakes were higher back then this is better you complain feel the rush go home to your
11:32perfect life yeah i don't know if anybody's ever called two six month old demons a perfect life
11:37yeah they have fuck sure you have you i mean my life's interesting
12:12good night
12:16knock knock
12:18come through you look incredible thank you mom
12:22I wanted to give you something.
12:25Oh.
12:31Wow, you're a talented rapper.
12:33Okay.
12:36Don't get too excited.
12:43Mom, how many times do I have to tell you
12:47that you're not doing drag?
12:49Oh, but it made you so happy.
12:51And you're so good at it, honey.
12:54You shouldn't have just thrown away something that...
12:55I don't feel like dinner anymore.
12:56I'm going to the party.
12:59Mingus, hold on.
13:02Wait, would you wait a second?
13:06Mingus!
13:08Mingus!
13:08Let me talk to you.
13:10That's the problem.
13:11You just talk.
13:12And you talk and you talk and you never listen.
13:14I do listen.
13:17What?
13:18I told you I was done with drag and you got me a wig.
13:20I told you to give me space
13:22and you followed me in a ghost bag.
13:23I told you dad's not coming
13:24and you set an extra fucking plate.
13:26Sweetie, I'm here for you.
13:28You're hurting.
13:28You went through a traumatic event.
13:30Yeah, I know.
13:31I was there.
13:31You weren't.
13:33Just live your own life
13:35and stop trying to live mine.
13:38Fuck this.
13:48I'm here for you.
13:49I'm here for you.
13:53I'm here for you.
13:55I'm here for you.
14:02I'm here for you.
14:05I'm here for you.
14:07I'm here for you.
14:07I'm here for you.
14:08I'm here for you.
14:08I'm here for you.
14:08I'm here for you.
14:08Oh, what a move, and I thought LeBeau was a top.
14:13I've got to say, this foreplay is getting out of hand.
14:21Meet my twins.
14:23Go next and next.
14:26They're too big to fail.
14:39Round and round, she goes.
14:46Yes, that was Morota.
14:50Whoa.
14:53These two take each other in an extremely erroneous way.
15:01Oh, I can't look.
15:03I can't look away.
15:17Happy birthday to me.
15:30I did not mean to invite everyone on the Spirit Airlines flight to Miami.
15:34That's okay.
15:36Really.
15:39Actually, that's, uh, United 1543 to New York.
15:45No way that that's right.
15:51Check the app.
15:57How?
15:58What the hell?
16:05Okay, what about that one?
16:07Hmm, that is British Airways 224, nonstop to London.
16:12Yes, Jesus, how do you know this?
16:14I don't know.
16:15I just love planes.
16:17Okay, I love a light-bodied Pinot Noir, but I don't know the delivery schedule for the liquor store.
16:27Look, growing up with Brody was a little bit of a challenge.
16:31Well, I always felt like a bit of an afterthought.
16:35But then my mom took us to Montreal for the weekend, and I don't really remember anything about the city
16:41but the plane.
16:43I mean, the second I went on board, I was just curious about everything, you know?
16:47And then they took me to the cockpit, and the captain let me push a button, and Brody whined the
16:54whole time, of course.
16:55But I thought it was magic.
16:58It sounds stupid, but for the first time, I didn't feel like an afterthought.
17:04I've always just wished that I could do the same thing for people.
17:08And I've wanted to be a flight attendant ever since.
17:12Too bad it's a total pipe dream.
17:15Doesn't seem like a pipe dream to me.
17:17Well, it is when you have CP.
17:19Hardly any of the programs except people like me.
17:23God.
17:25It sounds so pathetic.
17:27Hey.
17:29There is nothing pathetic about having a dream.
17:33Even if your dream is serving nuts to drunk people.
17:43And that's why they call her Firecratch people.
17:46Well, that and the gonorrhea.
17:49Ring the bell.
17:50Let's do this.
17:51Oh, my God.
17:52This is so much better than my Lane's family.
17:55Dinner.
17:55Thank you for inviting me.
17:57Mingus, look.
17:58Chill.
17:59Chill.
18:00Look, I didn't come here to have a State of the Union or, like, really about what we are or
18:04whatever, okay?
18:05I just wanted to hang out.
18:06Sound good?
18:07Okay.
18:08Okay.
18:09Jake, Mercury, over here.
18:14Okay, this definitely means getting drunk in someone's garage.
18:18Brody, meet Mercury and Jake.
18:21Hi.
18:21We have heard so much about you.
18:24So much.
18:26Really?
18:26Uh, how much?
18:28Like, what?
18:29Specifically.
18:30Ew.
18:31Why is Tallulah Andrews here?
18:33Oh, um, someone must have found out about the pretty, and now there's Randos from our high school here.
18:38What the fuck?
18:39Uh, I'm sorry.
18:40I hope you don't mind.
18:42Uh, yeah.
18:43Uh, you know, I'll be right back.
18:44Okay.
18:51Hey!
18:58Hey!
19:00I know you're in Babyland, and I love and support that journey, but I really think you should come to
19:04Ghost Pack tonight.
19:05It's so fun.
19:06It's like that show Glow.
19:08Yay!
19:10Please come.
19:23Oh, my God.
19:26Oh, my God.
19:39Oh, my God.
20:01I hate this.
20:08I mean, look, I don't know precisely when, but last weekend, Marnie came home too late, looking like a mess,
20:14and Amelia took one look at her and said that she could smell another woman's gun on Marnie's breath.
20:19Amelia does love a dramatic use of the word gun.
20:22That's why I just cut out the middle man and come up the no-no.
20:24Oh, no offense.
20:25Oh, no, none taken.
20:26I'm good.
20:27I got a girlfriend, two kids, and I still killed it on stage tonight.
20:31No lies detected.
20:33Now we gotta celebrate.
20:34Where to?
20:35Uh, there's a new bar a few blocks away in an abandoned school.
20:39Mm-hmm.
20:39Sure.
20:41It sounds fun.
20:42And as much as I want to, I need to get home to my family.
20:45Yeah.
20:46Fine.
20:47Tonight was the best.
20:49I miss you so much.
20:51I miss you, too.
20:53Now go fuck this grad student who's been gay for 12 minutes.
20:56You know me so well.
20:57Mm-hmm.
21:00Oh.
21:19Ruth!
21:21Ruth!
21:21Ruth!
21:23You know I don't like to brag.
21:25But I fucking killed her tonight.
21:28I mean, the crowd was obsessed with us.
21:31It was just fire.
21:34I'm so happy for you, babe.
21:38What's wrong?
21:40Nothing.
21:42Ooh, Dee.
21:42Everything's fine.
21:45Kids are asleep.
21:46Oh, chubsters.
21:48All right, so you want to get in bed and watch a movie?
21:51I think I need to, like, go work out or something.
21:54I'm feeling wired.
21:56Just, like, in my head.
21:57All right.
21:58You want to talk about it?
21:59Um, later.
22:02Hey, what's the point of belonging to a 24-hour jam
22:05if you're not going to occasionally go work out at night?
22:07Mm-hmm.
22:40One fried shrimp po' boy, one hot sausage po' boy, two root beers, and...
22:45Okay, it doesn't look like much, but greasies will not get wet.
22:48I bet.
22:50You are going to look like a snack in your Spirit Airlines uniform.
22:55Spirit?
22:56I don't know.
22:57You really think so little of you?
22:59It's delta or bust.
23:01Jet blue.
23:02I'm desperate.
23:05Okay.
23:06Your turn.
23:07Hopes and dreams.
23:10Uh, let's just say that I wish I was as passionate about anything as you are about your stuff.
23:15But, unfortunately, I'm not that lucky.
23:18Being a lawyer is just a job.
23:19Okay.
23:20It's not your job.
23:22But, what's your thing?
23:24Here you go.
23:25Oh.
23:26Where should we sit?
23:39Oh, rough start for Miss Toto.
23:42Oh, my God, Rudy!
23:43Hey!
23:48Brody, what the fuck?
23:50Mingus is one thing, but why the hell are all my students here?
23:53Also, hi, happy birthday.
23:55Oh, thank you.
23:55Yeah, they're all a bunch of amateurs.
23:57They crashed.
23:58You know what?
23:59I'm going to go see if they'll let me wrestle.
24:01Excuse me.
24:02Sorry.
24:03Okay, okay, look, look.
24:05I knew you'd be pissed, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you the party went a little Riverdale,
24:08but it's because I knew you wouldn't come.
24:10Look, please, just stay, okay?
24:12I just need to get to the night, and I promise I'll tell them everything tomorrow.
24:16Brody, it's really not a good look for me to be here.
24:19They're the one who crashed!
24:22This is an adult party.
24:24You did nothing wrong.
24:36That's my girl!
24:39Oh, yeah, baby.
24:43Yeah, look at that ass.
24:47You ready for this?
24:48I'm ready.
25:02Granny!
25:03I've decided that I am too young and attractive to be called that.
25:06Are you missing this nonsense on design, Bill?
25:08There's a relationship dissolving over granite countertops.
25:12Honestly, relatable.
25:13Turning on now.
25:16Wow.
25:17So they're really going in this soprano's direction.
25:20You can't buy good taste, honey.
25:22You just can't.
25:24Do you think they do butt stuff?
25:26Of course they do.
25:28Yeah, I'm getting that vibe.
25:31Is Ruthie around?
25:32She said she was going to the gym,
25:34but she's probably out with your toxic bad influence of a son.
25:37He's not a bad influence.
25:40Oh, who am I kidding?
25:42That would make sense.
25:43He does do that.
25:46I just...
25:48I just worry Ruthie and I aren't on the same page anymore.
25:51Being on the same page is for book clubs and people who actually pay attention in church.
25:57At least you have some spice in your relationship.
26:01Oh, Lord.
26:03They put in carpets?
26:04Carpets are hardwood floors with low self-esteem.
26:07Seriously.
26:08Hardwood are bust.
26:10Amen.
26:14Way better than it looked.
26:16Told you.
26:26Sorry.
26:27It's a small town.
26:28Um, yeah.
26:30I, um, guess the glamour of being someone's dirty little secret wears off after a while.
26:36Okay, slow down.
26:38I just don't know if I want to compromise my relationship with my brother for someone that I don't really
26:44know.
26:45We know each other.
26:47Do we?
26:51Okay, well, I, um, I found out I didn't make partner today and I quit.
26:58God, I, I'm sorry.
27:00It's okay.
27:01It's, uh, it's on me.
27:02I, I just, like, checked out.
27:05You know, I didn't care.
27:07And yeah, I need the money.
27:08But truth be told, there's only two things that have made me feel alive since Babylon.
27:11And one of those things is very, very bad for me.
27:17Looking at hot gay people on Instagram?
27:19I wish.
27:21Um, Dadis and I, we had a lot of fun together.
27:29We partied a lot.
27:31Okay.
27:32So what?
27:37It's more like we were tweaking on meth and fucking until we passed out.
27:43Look, it, it sounds a lot scarier than it actually is.
27:46Okay, I, when Dadis died, I just, I just wanted to feel just the feeling that I felt when I
28:01was with him.
28:06But it took more and more meth just to get a shadow of that feeling.
28:13You know, when you moved in for the first time in a long time, I felt seen.
28:21And I felt like if you could see me, then, um, then maybe I could, um, start to see myself
28:31again.
28:36Oh, my God.
28:38Um, wow.
28:40Vulnerability overload.
28:42Um, I feel like I have no skin left.
28:44Can you say something?
28:46Anything?
28:46Maybe.
28:49I, I don't know what to say.
28:54I don't think I can top meth.
29:04Round three, girlies.
29:06Let's go.
29:08Wait, he said what?
29:10To tell him how I feel.
29:12Wow, what an asshole.
29:14I know, right?
29:15Who's an asshole?
29:16Hey, are they going to let you in the ring?
29:20Uh, yeah.
29:22I can't believe it.
29:24Look, I know things are weird right now, but it's all good.
29:26Okay?
29:28What things?
29:29Things are weird.
29:30Okay.
29:31I don't need to be here for this.
29:33Ruthie.
29:34Ruthie.
29:34Ruthie.
29:35Wait.
29:37Yikes.
29:38Hey.
29:39Hi.
29:42Look, can you just not lie to me right now?
29:45Like, I'm the last person you need to lie to, okay?
29:47I'm not lying.
29:49I'm not lying.
29:49I'm not lying.
29:50You are.
29:51You are.
29:56You know, if you don't want me here, you can just fucking say it.
30:04Look at that crib.
30:08Fuck.
30:10I'm sorry.
30:10I, I'm drunk.
30:14Um, but this is important to me.
30:19And you're just like, you know, sometimes I feel like you're the only person that actually
30:26understands me, you know?
30:29And I know this sounds, like, monumentally stupid, but I sort of always felt like fate brought
30:34us together or something, you know?
30:39Like, maybe the worst night of my life wasn't actually the worst night of my life.
30:46That is, uh, just a fucking dark thing to say.
30:51Um, fuck.
30:53Niggas.
30:54No, no, stop.
30:56It's...
31:01You're such an idiot.
31:03This is why we suggest all our wrestlers do sugar for now.
31:06I just wanted you to have a good birthday.
31:10All right, bitches.
31:11Looks like we got somebody in the audience celebrating something special tonight.
31:16Niggas, get on up here.
31:21Come on, birthday girl.
31:22Come on, bring that pink, crispy, fresh little butthole up here.
31:28Okay, birthday girl.
31:30So you really want to fight?
31:31Got anyone in mind, baby?
31:34Yeah.
31:35Actually, I do.
31:38Him.
31:47Thumpy, wispy, puffy, crunchy.
31:50Get in that ring.
31:59Not me at a party with a booze, drag wrestling, and our fucking English teacher.
32:10Let's go!
32:12First one to pin the other for three seconds wins.
32:18Ring the bell.
32:19Let's do this.
32:22Hey.
32:25Come on, fight me.
32:27Fucking coward.
32:30Okay, Mingus.
32:32This is stupid.
32:35Hey, hey, hey.
32:37Look, I don't want to hurt you.
32:39Too late.
32:45I just made a mistake.
32:47What was the mistake?
32:50Ignoring me?
32:51Fucking me?
32:52Staying my life, baby?
32:54That's not my myth.
33:03So what did you mean then, huh?
33:05It's been pretty fucking vague.
33:08What does she, Spartan, even mean?
33:15One.
33:17Two.
33:20Two.
33:23She is done, finished, and done.
33:28Yeah.
33:29Yeah.
33:29Woo!
33:31Woo!
33:32Woo!
33:33Woo!
33:34Woo!
33:34Woo!
33:35Woo!
33:46Woo!
33:48Woo!
33:49Woo!
33:50Woo!
33:52Woo!
33:52Woo!
33:52Woo!
33:53Woo!
34:01Woo!
34:09Not me at a party with a booze, drag wrestling, and our fucking English teacher!
34:32So fast, the art's never been, love is that they will, don't lose me, don't let go of me,
34:58I, I, I've never been, loved by the baby when you leave me alone.
35:18What a fucking shitshow.
35:22So tell me again how that was easier than just telling me if she didn't want to be the boyfriend.
35:34I couldn't do it.
35:40I just...
35:44Mingus makes me feel like I'm a good person.
35:53It's kinda sad how a teenager is the only one who could look at me with, like, high regard.
36:10Good thing they figured it out on their own.
36:13What a fucking mess.
36:22Not a total mess.
36:50Hi.
36:55Look, I have no experience with this.
37:00Most of the time, I'm pretty self-contained.
37:03You know, I've had to be,
37:04so I don't really know how to handle messiness.
37:09What are you saying?
37:13I've slept with a lot of guys.
37:15I mean, more than some people would think,
37:17but you're the only man I've ever woken up with.
37:24And that scares me.
37:35I have a proposition for you.
37:37Oh, I can't do math. I have a weak constitution.
37:41You're so dumb.
37:44If you promise to stop saying
37:47that each time we have sex is the last time,
37:50then we don't have to tell Brody anything.
37:55Maybe we don't have to tell Brody anything yet.
38:12All the games that you and I have been playing
38:19They don't hit me quite the same
38:22Cause all the games that you and I have been playing
38:31They don't hit me quite the same
38:35They don't hit me quite the same
38:35Since you've been gone
38:38Since you've been gone
38:41Baby
38:41I feel alive
38:45I feel alive
38:48Since you've been gone
38:51Baby
38:55I feel alive
38:58Baby
38:59I feel alive
39:03Ooh
39:04Ooh
39:06Ooh
39:07Now baby, baby
39:09I
39:10Ooh
39:11Ooh
39:12Now baby, baby
39:15I
39:16Ooh
39:19Now baby, baby
39:22I own
39:23Ooh
39:26Now baby, baby
39:28I own
39:30Ooh
39:32Now baby, baby
39:35I own
39:36Ooh
39:38Fuck
39:51Hi
39:52Hi
40:04Wow
40:06He really never came, huh?
40:12Um
40:13Did you have fun
40:14at the party?
40:16Um
40:20Want some cake?
40:22Yes
40:23Yes, please
40:26Oh my god
40:29So
40:31What happened?
40:34Mmm
40:36Well
40:39I realized
40:42I only sold my mother's daughter
40:46Mmm
40:46Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
40:50Depends on the day
40:55But mostly a good thing
41:04Happy birthday, me
41:06Happy birthday, me
41:10Happy birthday, me
41:13That's really good
41:15It is
41:20Bye
41:20But
41:22Who
41:42The
41:43To
41:43The
41:43The
41:43The
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