My Youngest Daughter Took Her Own Life | Dealing With Grief - video Dailymotion

Unfiltered Stories

Welcome back to Unfiltered Stories! Today Our guest is Lana Gruell, who shares her story of dealing with a loss. Her youngest daughter Cashleigh sadly took her own life at a very young age, leaving her loving family behind. Lana, who adored her daughter lives on to honor her daughter's life and share her experience of grief with other parents in the same position.   #grief #loss   You can reach Lana here:  IG: https://www.instagram.com/missingmygirl_csgfe20/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Lana.Gruell  TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@missingmygirl_csgfe20  YT: https://www.youtube.com/@missingmygirl_csgfe20   #survivalstory #truecrime   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00The first time Cashly attempted to take her life was Thanksgiving 2021 and her third and final

00:07attempt was three months ago. My name is Lana Grewal and this is my story through the journey

00:13of the grief of losing my youngest daughter to suicide. Being a single mom was really chaotic.

00:20I remember when my mom used to come down here and visit, she would be so stressed out before she

00:26came down thinking about having four kids in the house. Everything would be crazy. But every year

00:31when she came down, she would say, I don't know why I freak myself out because our home has always

00:36been actually peaceful and full of love. To me, that was important. It felt peaceful. It feels

00:43loving and accepting. I own my own home and the kids actually had a nice upbringing. I have four

00:49children. Cashly was the youngest. Just from the second she was born, she just completed us. She

00:56was the youngest, but she had a very old soul. She mothered everybody. If I had to tell somebody,

01:02hey, don't forget to do this, Cashly would remember. And I'm talking about when she was

01:06a top, she was a really good student. She just always wanted to do the right thing. We never

01:11argued. We had words, but it was always a race to see who could apologize first because Cashly

01:17understood that the relationship is more important than being right. She cared about people knowing

01:23that she loved them and cared about them. Cashly was so much fun. She had the best sense of humor.

01:28She started having trouble sleeping when it was like late junior high. Of course, I noticed that

01:34and we talked about it. And then it got worse in high school. She remembered something that had

01:40happened when she was a child that was traumatic. I told her that I would do whatever she wanted to

01:46do.

01:46If she wanted to go to the police, we'd go to the police. If she wanted to talk to a

01:50therapist,

01:51that's what we'd do. If she wanted to tell me, she could tell me. You know, as parents, it's our

01:55job to keep our kids safe. I was always really careful about who came around our home. When kids

02:01are younger and they always want to have sleepovers and things like that, go to people's house. I

02:06really didn't let my kids do that. Of course, it pissed them off when they were little, right?

02:10Because everybody does it long. But I let my guard down when it came to family and allowed someone to

02:16stay with us because they were family. Cashly was eight when this happened. And this person was an

02:23adult in their twenties. I only knew what I saw, just this person's actions. And it was upsetting

02:28to me. It was upsetting to the kids. So that person had to leave. That's all I knew. Cashly blocked

02:32it

02:33out. In her mind, it did not happen. It wasn't until she was in high school that she even started

02:38really mentioning that anything else happened. I knew I just was not the person qualified to help

02:44her through it. So I kind of let her come to me with what she needed at her pace. I

02:49regret that

02:49part. I didn't push. I feel like I really should have. She graduated from high school in 2020. That

02:54was a really tough year. You know, there's no senior prom. She was isolated. It was just me and her

02:59at

02:59home at that point. Her other siblings had moved out. She really felt isolated. You know, this was a

03:05time when she was really trying to come to grips with what had happened. Unfortunately, finding a therapist

03:11is ridiculously difficult. She definitely got worse that year. The end of 2021 was her first time

03:19attempting to take her life. She had trouble sleeping. Her memory was bad. And I can't even

03:24imagine what she was dealing with. She started taking the medication sometime in 2021. Prior to that,

03:30she never attempted to take her life. Her closest sibling, Darian, moved home in August of 2021.

03:36And her first time attempting was Thanksgiving Day 2021. She had been seeing a psychiatrist and it was

03:46within days of her medication being switched. Darian and I noticed right away within the first day of

03:53her taking that medication, she could not stop crying. And then it was Thanksgiving. I always got up in the

03:59morning and checked on the kids. I got up that morning. She was in her bed. She was sleeping. And

04:04I

04:04asked her if she needed anything. She said no. And I said, okay, I'm going to start cooking. I came

04:09downstairs. And a little while later, she texted me something. I was like, what? It made no sense.

04:15I ran upstairs and realized that she had basically taken the entire bottle of both of her prescriptions.

04:23We called 911. Thankfully, those medications are engineered so that you can't overdose and take

04:30your life with them. They just make you really sick. We went through her room and took things that

04:35we thought she could harm herself with. After that, everything in the house, even supplements,

04:40was kept in a safe. After that point, I always had her location on her phone. She never fought me

04:45on

04:45that. She understood. She didn't feel judged. We did not try to make her feel like we thought she was

04:52crazy and needed to be supervised all the time. So after that, the first attempt, it was not even a

04:59full 60

05:00days until she made her second attempt. She was on life support the second time. They only held her

05:05for three days, although I begged them to do it for longer. I knew she needed more help than we

05:10could

05:10give her here at home. We could just give her love and support. I felt so helpless. So that second

05:16time

05:17she came home, she actually started feeling much better. She had got a job and she was working full-time.

05:24She was doing much better. Of course, she was still having a lot of trouble sleeping, but she felt

05:30better being able to go to a job all day and it was busy work. You know, she was making

05:35money and I

05:37think she just felt better about herself. At some point, they changed her medication again. When they

05:41changed the medication that either, you know, makes you not want to get out of bed, that you can't sleep,

05:46that you can't sit still at work, they all have different side effects. So unfortunately, even though her

05:52employer really liked her, they had to let her go. And of course that just made her feel bad. She

05:57was

05:57very hard on herself. So she took that pretty hard. And right around that time, she met with her

06:02psychiatrist and she said that she was going to stop taking the medication and that she was going to

06:07look into supplements, exercise, any alternatives. She had said, I gave the medication a shot and I can't

06:15see one point where it actually made things better that was sustainable and better. So she stopped

06:21taking the medications. The first time Cashley attempted to take her life was Thanksgiving 2021.

06:28The second attempt that she made was January 3rd, 2022. And her third and final attempt was three

06:37months ago. It was December 2nd, 2022. So on December 1st, I usually work from home, but I had a

06:44couple of

06:45appointments that day out of the office and went in and checked on her that morning. She had been sick.

06:50So she was in bed most of that day. I texted her throughout that day as was normal. I did

06:56not

06:56notice anything different about Cashley on December 1st. I came home from my appointments. I made her my

07:01version of the Starbucks medicine ball, took it out to her, knocked on her door and went in and she

07:08was like this. She was on her phone. I said, I'm sorry. And she said, I'm doing a telehealth appointment

07:12with my therapist. And I said, perfect. I'll put your tea here. I went out, I closed the door.

07:17About 8.15 that night, December 1st, she left. And we have a security system for the house. So

07:23I saw that it was her that left and texted her and said, how do you feel? What are you

07:28doing? And

07:29she said, I'm hungry. Gonna go get food. I said, okay. So there's no red flags. I knew she had

07:34job

07:34interviews lined up. I knew she had plans. We had plans. In the very near future, I had no red

07:40flags.

07:40We were very close. She told me a lot of things. She didn't say anything to me about really anything.

07:45Just left and said she was going to get food. I saw that she was at the grocery store. Then

07:49I saw

07:49that she was at the park. Again, Cashley was 20. I mean, I'm 56 years old. There's days where I

07:54like

07:54to go to the park, sit in my car and listen to music. So that was not a red flag.

07:59We were texting

07:59back and forth. There was nothing. I told her I loved her. She said.

08:07She said, I love you too. I didn't go to sleep until I knew she was back home. She came

08:12home a

08:12little bit after 11. I went to sleep. The next morning was a Friday. It was December 2nd. I woke

08:19up and I looked at my phone. I noticed that somebody had left the house. I realized that it was

08:24Darian,

08:24her sibling. A lot of times they went everywhere together. So I looked at her location to see if I

08:33could see where she was, but it wouldn't come up. And I was like, that's weird. She never fought me

08:45on

08:46that. She knew that that kept me sane to know where she was. So I got up. I opened up

08:53a bedroom door.

08:55She was gone.

09:05And then the second I looked at her,

09:09she was gone. She, she, she'd been gone, gone for a while.

09:17Yeah, I ran

09:20and got my phone and called 911. She had taken her life. She was cold by the time I found

09:30her.

09:32She had no pulse. I stayed with her. I tried not to cry. I tried to stay calm and

09:41just kissed her and told her how sorry I was and how much I loved her.

09:50Like the moment that you realize that you're

09:55never going to see someone that you love that much again. It's

10:05just

10:08terrifying. The day that she left was like, hands down, the worst thing that could ever happen to any

10:17of us in our family. Everything from that moment forward, I wish that I could just put in a file

10:23that's marked things. I just wish I didn't have to deal with. You feel like it's just a bad dream.

10:28I actually always wanted to be a mom and I know it's only been three months, but like I cannot

10:33wrap

10:33my brain around the fact that she's not going to have kids. Like I'm not going to have her grand

10:39babies to play with. It's just overwhelming. My sister got here. She had to come down from

10:44Washington state. I just fell into her arms. Thankfully, she just got me on the right track,

10:49held me up and just kept, you know, saying, we got to do this. We got to do that. That

10:53Sunday,

10:54we held her service. We did a celebration of life. We honored her so wonderfully. Cashly was like

11:01this whole soul and everybody knew it. Coroner's report mentioned that the police department

11:09located a letter written by Cashly under her pillow that they never told us about. And I still

11:15don't have the original. I was allowed a copy of it. I had to drive down the coroner's office

11:21because that's really fun when you're grieving your child and get a photocopy of it to read her

11:27last words to us. The backside of it was her last wishes and they denied us that. I got a

11:33copy of it

11:33three months after the fact. That needs to be changed. That's one of the things that I'm going to

11:39advocate for. I understand it was evidence. I understand that, you know, they had to investigate,

11:45but when somebody writes in their note, this is what I want done with my body. And I've agonized

11:51over the last three months, whether or not we made the right decision, but I could have been told.

11:55I think that's disgusting. That shouldn't be protocol. First few weeks of Darian and I did not

12:00sleep. We were like zombies here at home. I've lost more than 10 pounds. I can barely eat, you know,

12:09to try to adjust to life without cash. She was such an integral part of all of our lives. I

12:17knew

12:17that Darian and I were not going to be okay. I joined a couple of support groups. I also got

12:23Darian and I into therapy right away from now until the time I take my last breath and I finally

12:30get to

12:30see her again. I am going to advocate for changes in the way that things are handled. One of the

12:37things

12:37this is is access to quality mental health care services. Even before she left us, it was important

12:45for us to share the struggle of even trying to get her matched with the right therapist. I've learned

12:51a lot about that. It's my responsibility to pass my knowledge on right down to, you know, be careful

12:57who you let be around your children. I'm sharing our family's story because it's important for people

13:04to know that when you lose a child in a tragic way, like I have lost cash lead. I know

13:11you think that

13:12you are literally never going to get out of bed, but you are. You're not always going to cry. And

13:17two

13:17though, like I try to just stay as human as possible and relay that as well because it's so important

13:23to

13:24cry. Scream if you have to. Bang on your steering wheel. Let it out. It's an important part of the

13:29process.

13:29We're forming a private foundation to honor Cashly. You know, I'm not trying to be the 988 number that

13:37people would call, but I want to get some things changed with the way that things are handled. We

13:44are in the beginning stages of forming it and I want to make sure that it is done right. I

13:50have a lot

13:50of parents ask me, I have a 14 year old. She's attempted to take her life. I'm scared to death.

13:56I don't know what to

13:57do. Two things. If you feel like you're annoying them, keep doing it because you continuing to offer

14:04support is not going to push them to take their life. That's not a thing. That's not going to happen.

14:10If you have someone that you're worried about, do not patronize them. Do not make them feel like

14:16they're lesser than you. I appreciate people taking the time to watch this. I appreciate everyone who's

14:22reached out to me. I'm available for help if people need it. The truth is I'm grieving and so

14:27I can help people. That's my way of healing is to help others because that's what Cashly would have

14:34done. Cashly would have helped other people. My girlfriends down here have become my family,

14:39my rock. The second I hung up the phone with 911, I started calling them and they showed up. They

14:46were

14:46right here. They never left my side. I've had a few setbacks, but I feel better mentally. I feel

14:52stronger mentally. I'm not going to be shamed into accelerating my grief. I absolutely love

15:00walking into Cashly's closet and grabbing one of her sweaters and just burying my face,

15:07just taking her in. You know, if I do that in five years, then that's what I'm doing in five

15:13years.

15:13That's just how special she was.

My Youngest Daughter Took Her Own Life | Dealing With Grief

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